(Criminal Minds) - How Soon Is Now? - Chapter Seven

Oct 03, 2008 13:54

Emily brought the wine glass up to her lips, slowly savouring the taste as she sipped slowly.  Deep, dark eyes focused on the pictures in front of her, studying the colours, the lines and themes.  Studying everything there was to study about those pictures, beautiful in their own right.  No masterpieces per say, but they were really.

Masterpieces of a happy child, creative and smart, full of spirit and warmth and healthy.  A child that was a child.

It felt nice to be looking at something so vibrant, rather than looking at the things they had seen on their last case.  That too, all to do with children.  They all hated those cases; it was hard seeing that kind of innocence to brutally stolen.  However, for Hotchner and JJ, it had been even grimmer.

Jack was three, but Amelia was five.  And all those children, they were her age too.  So Emily wasn’t sorry that she had shot the bastard.  Not to kill, just to wound.  That was only a few hours ago, at lunchtime when they had finally gotten a line onto the guy.  Until then, no one thought that they were going to have the weekend to themselves, because not one of them would have been prepared to stop looking for a couple of days off.

‘’You know, I always wanted to live somewhere like this.’’

The dark brunette mused, not yet turning away from the pictures on the wall next to the fridge, placed there proudly.

‘’Didn’t you grow up in great big huge estates?  Around the world?’’

Emily smirked slightly, finally turning around to look at JJ, who was still busying herself with making dinner.  They had had this date set for a week maybe, JJ had offered to cook and Emily had readily accepted, given that it was the first time she had really got to see the house.  Aside from briefly coming in to pick the blonde up for a date or something.

They had spent six weeks of playing it safe with Amelia, making sure that they hit equilibrium first.  Even now, she was spending the weekend at her Father’s, or as JJ had put it, until something went wrong and Archer caved and brought her home.

Emily understood why, but she also knew that JJ was holding back a little either out of being very cautious and confused of how to ease things together, or because she still felt guilty for all the miscommunications and secrets.  That, and she was still scared.  After being hurt so badly, Emily could even understand that too.  Knew that in the very back of JJ’s head, something was still whispering every now and again that anyone she tried to date was still going to do what Renee had done.

‘’Yes, I did.  And they were always too big.  Always cold and impersonal, very sophisticated and perfect.  Not a place that ever accommodated a child.  They were always just so…empty.  You have a beautiful home JJ, and I can tell that you’re raising a very happy daughter.’’

As Emily had been talking, or briefly reminiscing even, she took the steps across the kitchen slowly as she explained her childhood circumstances.  It hadn’t been all bad, of course.  But still, everything she had said was right on.

She remembered each one of those houses.  With the hard wood, polished floors and the priceless collections of paintings and ornaments, expensive furniture and expensive rugs.  There had been no toys allowed to clutter anywhere, no fun and games to be had.  Her parents had been far too busy for that.

Even her own room, although decorated slightly more childlike, were only full of books and china dolls, not something she could have played with.  Nor were her clothes anything she could have played outside in.  Everything had been orchestrated.  Everything had been ‘perfect’, all to add to the political image.

Here was so different.  With that family vibe, the homely feel.  The pictures presented proudly, because JJ valued her daughter’s imagination and creative flare, wanted her to value it within herself too.

The photos of family and friends, which was obviously so very important to JJ, therefore teaching Amelia it was important too.  The growth lines on the special piece of wood, keeping track of how much Amelia was growing.  All the toys, right down to the furniture and the décor.  All warm and soft and welcoming.  And yet still with JJ’s own sense of style too.

As soon as they had come in here, as they had started talking and JJ had started preparing dinner, it was easy to begin to relax.  Which was something Emily could find hard to do sometimes.  She felt settled here.

‘’And being dragged around the world?  Not as much fun as it sounds.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t take for granted the opportunities I was given, and I do value those experiences.  There was nothing wrong with the places I went, or the people there.  Just the politics and being my parents’ pawn.  But I would have loved to have been a part of a family, is all.’’

She mused, dropping silent again when she realised that if she really started thinking about it, she would just push herself into a bad mood.  She had grown up how she had grown up, she couldn’t change that.  And she didn’t take for granted the things she had been given, gotten to do and see.  It wasn’t really the places that had been the problem, it had been her parents.

They had always put everything else before her, and always expected her to be okay with that, even as a child.  They expected her to act like them, like an adult.  They had put an awful amount of pressure onto her to be what they wanted her to be, especially her Mother.

The one that had taught her how to close off so well, how to compartmentalise and keep people at arms length.  Emily knew that her Mother felt affection for her.  But love?  She wasn’t too sure about that.  She wasn’t even all too sure if she liked her.  They were distant and awkward, never really knowing how to act around one another.

Blinking, she shook off those thoughts as she realised that JJ had stepped in closer to her and slipped a hand onto the side of her face.

‘’Well, you’re becoming part of one now.’’

She replied softly, bright eyes sparkling radiantly.  When she said it, Emily felt her breath catch in her chest for a moment as her heart thumped a little harder.  Really, she knew they had only been dating for a few weeks, but every time she looked at the blonde she saw future.  She saw life and love and family.  She saw everything she had ever wanted.  As long as JJ would let her in the way she had been scared to let anyone in since she was betrayed.

Putting the glass on the counter, Emily cleared her throat softly and rolled her tongue across her lips as she looked down for a second, taking in the significance of this moment.

‘’Do you…do you really mean that?’’

She asked softly, looking back up as she lifted her hand up to take JJ’s and entwine it with her own.  She felt like a teenager, with her heart pounding and her shallow breath, anticipation running through her body.  But this meant a lot to her, and she had been trying to think of a way to prove herself to JJ.  To show her that she could be the person that she wanted and needed her to be.

But standing here right now in front of her, she knew she couldn’t prove anything.  And she couldn’t be what JJ wanted her to be.  She had to be herself.  So instead of trying to prove something, she decided that honesty was the best policy.  She had asked JJ to be the same with her, so she couldn’t not do it herself.

‘’Of course I do, Emily.  I know its only just started, but I think we have something special.’’

JJ swallowed the lump in her throat, giving way to the tangle of feelings in her chest and stomach.  There was something in Emily’s eyes, something she had never seen in anyone else’s eyes, that caused her to just let go.  She had been resisting her own feelings for too long.  Resisting the advice of her family, her friends.

They had all been right.  She couldn’t turn every woman into Renee.  She couldn’t sacrifice personal happiness either.  And they were right about Amelia too.  In that seeing her Mother happy would make her even happier.  Emily wasn’t like anyone else, and the truth was in her eyes for her to see clearly.  It had been there all along.

Ever since they had met, Emily had reserved a particular, special look just for her and it had only intensified with time.  It had intensified, as they had become friends, after they had kissed, after they made love the first and every time after.

Emily was so beautiful, inside and out.  So different from how she could portray herself at work.  JJ had seen the difference even when they had been friends, out grabbing a beer with Garcia or the guys.  But even still, seeing her while dating her had been even more different.  She liked that she got to see that side, got to know things about her that no one else they spent so much time with knew.

Though, parts of that personality she liked so much was starting to shine through, bit by bit as things began to get more comfortable at work.  They had been through some tough cases, some rough situations.  And at every turn, Emily had been there for someone.  She had definitely been there for her this week.  Made her feel a little better through a look or a touch, even one or two sneaky kisses when they found themselves alone for a moment.

She was starting to feel more valued in their setting, was getting to show off her skills as a profiler, showing everyone exactly how much she belong in that unit.

She had been thinking, especially in the last couple of weeks, of how to make it a smooth transition to get Amelia and Emily to know each other.  She had sought the advice of Meredith and Alex, asked Lauren and Nancy.  She had almost asked her parents, but she had decided to hold off until she told them that she was dating someone.

Her siblings had promised faithfully that they wouldn’t spill the beans, and she had held them to their ‘code’, the one you weren’t allowed to break.  It had been established in childhood, and only once or twice had it been broken because the situation was too important to hold back on.

In the end, she had decided to go with her own instincts.  Which was basically what they had told her to do.  Alex had told her that she always thought about things too much, and that she would know when the best time was and how to go about it.  He had told her that it was her instincts that had served her best in raising Amelia so well thus far, and to trust herself.  He had also noted that she had never talked about a girl like she talked about Emily.

And it was true.  Even when things had been good with Renee, she had never felt like this.  And never had she felt even half of this so early into a relationship.  Emily was always in her head, and within the space of the past six weeks, she had gotten into her blood, right under her skin.  And it was a good feeling.

But it was also true that she had still been holding back ever so slightly.  But she didn’t want to anymore.  She didn’t want to run, she didn’t want to over think things or analyse things.  She wanted to feel.  She wanted to let things progress naturally.  They had been doing quite a good job of it so far.  Their dates had always been good ones, always comfortable and easy.  There had always been conversation flowing, and there had definitely always been that charge between them.  That craving and pulse.  JJ knew that physically, no one had made her feel what Emily made her feel either.

‘’I want that too.  JJ, I understand why you were hesitant.  I get why you’ve been afraid.  But I’m not her, okay?  You don’t scare me.  Amelia doesn’t scare me.  I want everything.  You being a Mother, it makes you who you are and who you are is amazing, and beautiful.  Who you are is the reason why I’m finding it so easy to start falling in love with you.  I don’t see your daughter as baggage; I don’t see her as something I have to deal with to have you.  She’s part of you, and your life.  I want her to be part of mine, too.’’

The sincerity that had pooled within penetrating brown eyes almost staggered JJ, making her jaw drop ever so slightly, making her completely forget about the food that she was supposed to be tending to.

The music that had been floating in the kitchen had been tuned out by Emily’s words, the warmth and truth and passion behind them making everything else fade as the meaning in them slammed into her hard.  She felt something, everything, inside of her double flip, making her breath catch in her throat.

Right then, she remembered the first time she had settled eyes on Emily.  Stood rather awkwardly in Hotchner’s office.  The atmosphere had been tense as she had stepped in, though at the time she hadn’t known why.  At the time, she had been thinking about the case briefing.  She had been thinking about the odds of having 2 serial killers in one place.

She had been thinking about how to explain the girl that Amelia had saw in Archer’s apartment, which had upset her given that the woman had been a perfect stranger in her Daddy’s bed.  But when she had looked at Emily, her breath had been stolen for a brief second, and when she had locked her eyes with those gorgeous brown ones, she had momentarily forgotten exactly what she had stepped in there for.  She’d had to drag her eyes away to look at Hotch, and she’d had to kick herself up the backside to be able to talk.

When they had come back from St. Louis, she had been surprised yet glad to find that Emily was there.  As everyone else headed for home, she had stayed behind to grab a few things.  She had been in the bullpen dropping a couple of things in various inboxes on desks when Emily had stepped out, looking both excited and terrified.

She was clutching her little box tightly, looking around like she was completely lost.  And once again, she had found it difficult to breathe.  Especially as Emily had looked at her again, that look of being lost turning into an adoringly hopeful one.  They had approached each other then, JJ intrigued and finding herself wanting to hear the sound of this stranger’s voice.

Emily had asked her, nervously, about facilities management.  Right from those moments, she had wanted her.  Right now, she was thankful that she did, and she knew it was time to really and truly let go.

Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around the older woman, pulling her close and holding her tightly.  For the first time in a long time she felt like she could breathe properly.

After a few moments, she moved back, placing a flurry of hot kisses on Emily’s mouth, suddenly realising that there were tears in her eyes.  They didn’t bother her though, or stop her from slipping her hand around the back of Emily’s neck and deepening the kiss, seeking entrance to the older woman’s mouth with her tongue, to which she was quickly granted access to.

There was already so much emotion running through her body, and the physical energy just added to it all.  If it was possible she wanted Emily more now than ever.

‘’JJ…dinner…’’

Emily managed to mutter, overcome with the phenomenon that was JJ’s kisses.  It was only the tiny voice in the back of her head that reminded her about the dinner that was cooking.  And knowing exactly what was happening, what JJ’s intentions were and her being extremely receptive to them she knew that if they didn’t turn the stove off then there was a good chance the house would burn down.

So she pushed JJ back, reaching behind her to turn them off.  She had had barely enough time to do it before JJ pulled her in the direction of the stairs eagerly, food forgotten.  Emily could think of no better way to be introduced to the blonde’s bedroom.

XXX

‘’Who’s this again?’’

Emily asked lazily, a lop sided smirk tugging along her lips as she looked up at the woman currently straddling her, making her feel warm and comfortable.

Soft but funky music floated around the room, the beat causing a pulse and adding to the good feel that lingered there.  In the light of day, Emily could make out JJ’s bedroom a whole lot better.  It was pretty much how she had expected it to be, unique and personal.  Stylish yet cosy and homely too.  JJ seemed to have a knack for combining things like that.  Her attention to the actual room had faded however.

After waking up wrapped around each other, after sweet good morning kisses and soft touches, they had made love again, just as sweetly and softly, after which a great deal of making out had been done.

Eventually though, they had had to get up, JJ had pulled on some rather fetching red boy pants with a white vest and had thrown some of the same garments of different colours at her, considering that she hadn’t brought a change of clothes and last nights were scattered around the landing and the bedroom.

After JJ headed to the bathroom, Emily had pulled on the underwear, going into the bathroom when JJ was done.  The blonde had gone downstairs, making and then fetching up some coffee and toast.  After that, they had made light hearted, flirty conversation, and part of them had almost always been touching, unless one of them got out of the bed for something.

It was almost lunchtime when JJ had put some more music on after having had the radio on, and decided that straddling Emily was better than lying next to her.  Not that the older woman seemed to mind being pinned beneath her.  She actually seemed quite comfortable, cosy in the bed and happy with her weight on her.  And she liked the way Emily’s hands always gravitated toward her skin, currently stroking gentle lines on her thighs.

At the question however, JJ squeezed and nudged into her lover a little, making her grunt ever so lightly.

‘’Massive Attack!  You weren’t listening to me, were you?’’

Emily’s grin widened further, that sexy guilty glint edging into her brown eyes, that smile purely sultry.  JJ wondered if Emily knew just how much sex appeal she radiated, all of the time.  Especially now, in a raw, open state.

She let her hands move, taking Emily’s into her own as she leaned forward a little, raising a playfully accusatory eyebrow as she kept the brunette’s arms in the air, pushing them backward as she kept leaning forward.

‘’Well I was kinda distracted at the time, with you strutting around in your underwear and all!’’

Emily admitted, biting her bottom lip as her eyes raked over the body in front of her.  By leaning forward, JJ was giving her a pretty good view, but then, she knew that was exactly the point.

‘’So, all I have to do when I want you to mindlessly agree to something is strut about in my underwear?’’

JJ asked teasingly, making Emily chuckle.

‘’Yeah pretty much.  Sexual favours work pretty good too.’’

JJ grinned widely.

‘’Good to know!’’

Emily laughed as the blonde wiggled her eyebrows, and entwined their fingers together as she leaned down to coax her into another kiss, their arms moving to keep balance.

It was a light-hearted kiss, that they laughed softly into; especially as JJ thwarted every attempt Emily made to sit up, not ready to relinquish her position.  But finally, as JJ let go of Emily’s hands so that she could put her own on either side of her head on the pillows to lean over properly, the younger woman began to deepen the kiss, without an objection from the profiler, who’s hands went back to exploring skin.

That was until the phone began to ring loudly.  JJ sighed, remaining still for a second before giving her girlfriend one last kiss quickly, before she sat up and leant over to grab the phone.

‘’Hello?  Why what’s wrong?  It doesn’t sound like nothing…’’

Emily frowned curiously, watching JJ frown as she ran a hand through her hair as she stared into the corner of the room, obviously listening in concern to something.  The blonde left her hand in her hair as she rolled her tongue across her lips, steadying her breath slightly.

‘’No, it’s fine.  Archer, I said it’s fine.  Just bring her home, okay?  No, don’t take her to your parents…because she wants me, clearly.  I’m not mad at you, I just want you to bring my daughter home, or do you want me to pick her up?  Okay, I’ll see you when I get there.’’

Shaking her head slightly as she switched the phone off, JJ moved again to replace it into its base, and then sighed lightly as she looked back down at Emily, apology written across her face and eyes.

‘’Everything okay?’’

The brunette enquired softly, picking up easily on the tension running through JJ.  She had already gathered what was going on, anyone could have.  But she didn’t know why.

‘’Yeah, I guess.  I don’t know.  Archer and his damn conquests, you’d think since he upsets her so often he’d learn how to cope.  Or you know, learn to keep his shit away from my daughter.  I need to go and pick Amelia up, he doesn’t sound in a state to drive.  I’m sorry.’’

Emily shook her head, easily picking up on the deflation in JJ’s voice.  She saw what she had seen that first night when the blonde had told her about Archer, and she had seen it many times in the few weeks since.  JJ carried him.

She took on the weight of worrying endlessly about him, took on trying to keep him together, so that her daughter didn’t have to miss the opportunity to know her Father.  Emily knew JJ was right, they both deserved that, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t be saddened by that weight in her eyes.

But she carried it so well, like she did everything else.  It made the profiler wonder if she could shoulder the same weights that JJ did, day in day out, be it at home or work, and manage to keep going.  She had a lot of admiration and respect for her doing that, and she hoped that some day soon, she would be able to ease some of that weight off of JJ’s shoulders.  Even if she had to carry it herself.

‘’Don’t be sorry, it’s okay.’’

‘’I’m going to talk to her though, about you, and us.  Maybe you could come over for brunch tomorrow?  Stick around for dinner?’’

Emily sat up slowly, winding her hands along JJ’s thighs around to the top of her backside so that she could make sure she didn’t topple.  She smiled as the blonde adjusted herself slightly, sighing deeply as she looped her arms around her neck, fingers tangling into her hair.  Emily sighed too, leaning in and placing gentle kisses along JJ’s neck until she reached her mouth, where she kissed her so lightly and fleetingly, it was barely there.

‘’I’d like nothing better.’’

fic, character: jennifer jareau, author: darkbardzero, character: emily prentiss, fandom: criminal minds

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