(Criminal Minds) Bloodsport - 9/... (Part 1)

[darkbardzero]

Title: Bloodsport
Author: darkbardzero
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairings: Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Ratings: 18
Summary: ''Love is just a Bloodsport.''
Disclaimers: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.
Author's Notes: Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by Steppenwolf_20 to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.
Thank You: To Steppenwolf_20 for suggesting it, Sofia_Lindsay for not letting me give up on it early on, and Heidimaggs22 for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to Heidimaggs22 and Sofia_Lindsay for beta'ing.
A/N - Apologies for time gap again!  This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely Heidimaggs22 has been super super super busy :)

XXX

''I love you. So much.''

JJ didn't know what was happening to her. She didn't know which way was up or which way was down anymore, but it didn't matter either. She didn't need anything to hold onto except for the woman that was wreaking such heavenly pleasures upon her. Touching her all the ways that the blonde had ever imagined. Even the simplest of touches making the ethereal arousal catapult throughout her body, devastating it with exquisite pleasure. It was everything she had ever thought it would be. Everything she had ever conjured up within her mind.

''I love you too.''

The young FBI Agent didn't even realise that she had been about to speak, her own words even seemed a surprise to her own ears. Her response was heartfelt and authentic though, obviously needed no prompting or thought to say those words that meant so much.

Everything was perfect. Too perfect, perhaps. Everything was right. Which must have meant that something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Something fundamental that she couldn't put her finger on. It was edging on her awareness, along the very periphery of her consciousness. There was definitely something that was wrong, or misplaced. But she was suspended within the glory of delight and her mind was too muddled to work it out. She couldn't work it out; if she had the inclination to push harder it didn't matter because her body was pulling her along with it. It was begging for release whether her mind was satisfied with its doubts or not.

Opening her eyes, the lightest of blue eyes looked up toward the antagonist, the conductor, of the feelings sweeping through her body. Emily's face was framed with her dark hair and looked back down at her with pure fascination. With shining brown eyes full of not only everything she had already shown her, but so much more. Revealed were the things the brunette had kept hidden, and exposed were the promises for so much more. Promises that somehow JJ knew would be kept. She felt them now, seeping into her as Emily moved inside of her.

It was as though a veil had been lifted. That she could all of a sudden see Emily's intentions. Not that the older woman meant to keep anything from her, but there were reservations. Reservations because of herself but also because of their circumstance. Her circumstance.

It was far too late to figure it out now. Within the second her mind began to reel at the truth of the situation her body plunged into a ripping orgasm that wreaked havoc with her senses. Made her eyes screw closed as she had no choice but to follow the release, drown in the slamming effects of cumming so hard. She gasped and jerked, breath strangled as she momentarily lost all sense of herself.

However much her body, the betrayer, had needed that release as the fog cleared just a little her mind reeled. JJ swallowed hard because she was trying to force herself to accept untruths as truths, trying to prepare herself for the shattering of her dream. Was it a dream when you were fully awake? Was it an hallucination? Was it punishment?

Punishment for her ill deeds? A warning to tread no further? A sign of things to come? The traces of the self loathing she was dangerously on the boarders of slipping into?

Whatever it was it was sealed with a physical act and she had no choice but to experience it. To come back to reality, as stark as it may have been. It wasn't the fantasy that had felt wrong, Jennifer worked out. It was the actuality.

JJ opened her eyes to meet it. To see that her suspicions were indeed true. It wasn't Emily that was above her, it was never Emily. Her vision had come to her aid. To take away the qualms about having sex with her own girlfriend. To trick her body into responding to her touches. To be able to give herself over.

She felt like a whore.

It was the first time since the incident at the bar. It has been almost two weeks and she hadn't let Delilah touch her once. They had barely kissed. Much to the frustration and irritation of her supposed to be lover. The woman that still couldn't understand why JJ had said what she had. They had spoken sporadically about it. In the face of such confusion JJ was stunned, the revelation even just to herself that all she had held as certain was not so at all. Those things she had been holding onto were prying loose. The very ground under her feet was crumbling. It was as though she had created her own fortress within herself and now it was falling apart.

Emily had knocked upon its door and now it was starting to collapse. Breathing out long held feelings that had been pushed down to the very pit of her being.

It had happened because of Delilah's insistence. Not only was she frustrated that all was not right she was just plain frustrated. The Detective had been making a considerable effort particularly in the past few days to get into JJ's pants and it seemed that this morning was her lucky day. She had been talking about things that scared JJ. Pushing her transfer request, finding an apartment, getting married. So she had done the one thing she didn't want to do, she had given in. Not only emotionally but physically. Because everything was fixed by sex in Delilah's world. Now she had been allowed entrance and free roam of her body JJ knew the younger woman would consider it a sign that everything was fine.

What did it say about a relationship when you had to convince yourself you were being touched by another instead of your lover just to get through the act?

XXX

The question kept on littering her mind even throughout the day.

After she had given herself over to placate her girlfriend, the situation, JJ had numbly gotten into the shower and tried to wash it off. But she couldn't have enough water to rid herself of her feelings. She had sat on her couch huddled up, hair wet, meant to be listening to Delilah talk about the future, about how everything was just oh so fine. Instead JJ had phased out. Starred into space, looking at nothing but contemplating everything. Questioning the very foundations of herself. She had vowed to herself, promised herself that she was not the same as her parents. That it didn't matter the upbringing if she changed everything. She had prided herself on being honest to a fault. Above reproach.

Now what?

Was she dishonest now? Deceitful? Everything she had run away from since her childhood? The things that had dictated who she had become, despite the fact that she resented it. She had spent her entire life believing that it had been her to make herself but really, had she just been kidding herself? Running away as fast as she can from the things she hated only to run in a full circle and collide with them anyway? Whatever the answer JJ wasn't about to lay off responsibility on her parents. They had done what they had done. She had her own freedom and choices, and she had chosen to kiss Emily. She had chosen to stay in the relationship she had been in for 5 years. The things she needed answering now were why. Why she had done the things she had done, what was driving her and what she was going to do about it now?

After Delilah had finally left JJ had dragged herself back up to get ready to work. Drying her hair and pulling on her clothes one by one. It was like pulling on a suit of armour. Today she had decided on a pretty stereotypical outfit for the FBI. Almost like she wanted to shed her identity, to get lost within the institution. It could be comforting sometimes. Her amour would protect her from herself. Help her to step away from everything that had happened in her personal world. In the FBI the personal world didn't matter. Once she hit that base, walked in through the front doors of the Quantico building and hit her floor, she wasn't Jennifer Jareau anymore. She was Special Agent Jareau. She was the go-too colleague. The hard worker who had piles of files in her office to work through, meetings to go to, phone calls and emails to answer, journalists to talk to. Hell even a couple of media corporations seeking information on the ins and outs for TV and film purposes. It was all left to her. She had masses of work to throw herself into, to consume her. A world of blood and gore and evil and death. A world of sick minds. Things she could help to stop. That was her purpose. And she was a professional. If there was one thing she could ever count on, one thing she could ever lean on, it was her job and her professionalism.

So she dressed in her suit of armour. She took her badge from her dresser top. Took her weapon and harnessed it on her hip securely. And she took a breath in, preparing herself for the day to come.

The day to come turned out to be distraction heaven. It was fast and chaotic and unmerciful, and it was exactly what she needed. To just lose herself in it, give herself over to it. Jennifer didn't exist but Agent Jareau was on top form. She had even managed to avoid pretty much all of her co-workers for most of the day. Aside from going into the bullpen a couple of times to toss files on desks, grab a junior Agent to tell him his report was sloppy, and check in with Hotch, she managed to hide either in her office, or on meetings in other rooms or floors.

She had set eyes on Emily three times. The first was during the morning. When her caffeine addiction had kicked in and she hadn't been able to resist stealing into the bullpen kitchenette to get one. The only problem was that Emily was there. Talking to Rossi, well, listening to Rossi and pretending to not watch her. But JJ had felt those eyes on her anyway. She had hastily gotten on with her coffee making and left without a word.

The twice after that were two of the times she had had to go into the bullpen for actual work. When Emily had been sitting at her desk working. One of the times the brunette hadn't seen her. JJ had managed to get in and out without being seen. She had noticed how good the older woman looked today. She was so beautiful. So irresistible. It wasn't just a question of her external beauty, the features that made her so beautiful, the way her body made her mouth water. It was everything inside too. It was the essence of Emily, her spirit, her determinism. Her openness and congruence. In some way she had an innocence too, and after all she had been through and all she saw that was extremely rare to have. She was so strong. Strong not just because she could strap on a Kevlar vest and kick down doors, take down unsubs and wield a gun, but also because she could show her vulnerability. If she trusted you, she would let you in. And that was strength too. JJ had been so wrong about her at first, about Emily not flinching. She flinched but she didn't let anyone she didn't want to see it.

That's why she was so beautiful. She was like air. Fresh and clean and impossible to live without. The question that was floating above all of the others now was could she?

''JJ.''

JJ turned automatically, though cautiously at the sound of the familiar voice. Clearing her throat, the young Agent lifted troubled blue eyes up to meet the eyes of her friend. The one she had managed to avoid for the entire day. Because if there was one person besides Emily herself that could see her thoughts and questions if she looked closely enough, it would be Penelope Garcia. And if there was one person that could stop her, it was Penelope Garcia. And at this point JJ didn't know if she had a choice left in her anymore. She thought that perhaps she had already made her decisions. Now she just had to force the feelings and questions and herself to catch up.

''Is there something you need?''

JJ asked lightly, a crack in her voice as she pushed away a strand of blonde hair from her face and lowered her eyes for a moment toward the floor. She heard the soft exhale of exasperation from the technical analyst and her stomach flipped a little in guilt. She was being cold, she knew it.

''Is there something I need? Jayj...''

''It's just, I'm on my way home Garcia. It's late.''

JJ lifted her eyes up again, resolved that despite her guilt and her awareness of her coldness she was going to pretend like nothing was wrong. Denial was a wonderful thing.

''Please JJ, please talk to me. I can help you. This doesn't have to happen. You're just going through a rough patch. Just talk to me.''

JJ offered Garcia a generic smile that came nowhere near meeting her eyes.

''Have a nice evening, Garcia.''

With that JJ stepped into the elevator that timely opened up behind her. She didn't look at her best friend as she pressed the button, shrugging the strap of her bag higher on her shoulder as she cleared her throat and rocked on the balls of her feet once as she waited for the doors to slide closed again.

She took the ride down, trying to think about anything but Emily. About the pressure that had slowly built, not just throughout the day, but this entire time. Starting from the very second she had laid eyes on her. Building with every second spent in the presence of Emily, and even out of it.

It was too hard to fight. JJ felt disorientated with it. Feverish, delirious in a way. She had never felt like this in her life.

''Drive home Jennifer. Home.''

The blonde instructed herself as she slipped behind the wheel of her car. She sat there for a few moments, just limp in the seat of her car. She stared at the wheel. Stared at her key sitting in the ignition. Finally she lifted her hands up, turning the key and starting the engine. Driving slowly out of the base. It took her every ounce of will power she had to turn left, and not right. Left was home, right would have been toward Emily's.

She managed to get home, but being in its safety did not alleviate the pressure threatening to reach boiling point and blow, ripping her apart completely. She did everything she could. She took a shower. She turned on her music loud. Walked the length of her apartment. She picked up her basketball and bounced it as she paced. Finally, she pulled on some running clothes and hit the streets, pushing herself to run harder and faster. Trying to burn Emily out of her very muscles. To force her out. To relieve the pressure.

It didn't work. The only thing it managed to do was create more pressure. She came home exhausted and burning yet still full of the feelings she had been feeling. It was like the very fibre of her being was gravitating to where she knew she shouldn't allow herself to go. So much that it hurt. Physically hurt. She tried another shower, hotter than the last this time. Scorching almost. Again, it did not work.

JJ was left to pace once again, trying her damndest to do the right thing. To be the person she should be, to do what she was supposed to do. She had no right to do otherwise. She had to do what was expected of her. What her relationship dictated her to do. She had to fight.

But the strength and the resolve to were quickly slipping away from her. Like sand slipping out from between her fingers, she had no control to keep them.

How could she fight against a power like Emily Prentiss? A natural force. A menace or a saviour? Here to free her from the cage that she had come to being realising she was in? Or here to make it that ever more complicated? JJ wasn't even sure if Emily even felt for her in any other way than loyal friendship and attraction. But she could breathe around her. She felt safe and independent at the same time.

''Enough.''

Something snapped. Something gave way. It had to happen, it was inevitable. She couldn't keep up the way she was going forever, it was impossible. Something had to give and it did.

Jennifer took her keys from the breakfast counter top, along with her gun and her badge. She may not have needed them where she was going but she was still an FBI Agent and rules were rules.

The road had seemed to pass like a drifting of mist on a darkened morning. She scarcely remembered driving her way across town toward Emily's apartment. She didn't have to think about where she was going, her body was on autopilot. It knew where to turn, where to head. And before she knew it JJ was pulling up outside the building and letting herself in. The security knew her now she had been here enough. They made no objection to her passing through to the elevator and getting in. She jabbed the button to Emily's floor and began to pace the small space silently as the contraption began to move. Taking her closer and closer to the woman that her entire body was craving, was humming for.

She had never experienced anything like it. Had never felt such urgency, such a dire need to touch and be touched. She felt ready to combust. Her throat was dry and her chest felt tight, her head hot and dizzy. She could hear the blood pounded in her ears, could hear her own breathing echoing there.

She didn't want to do this. She honestly didn't. She didn't want to be a betrayer. She didn't want to succumb to her urges, didn't want to let Delilah down so badly. Despite their problems she knew that the Detective did love her. She didn't want to be a liar, a cheater. She didn't want to be the monster in the relationship, the sinner. Already it hurt. But she couldn't stop. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She felt like she was shutting down. Everything inside switching off one by one and the only way to revive herself was through Emily.

She had no choice. It was true and untrue at the same time. She could have done something, anything. Talked to someone. Stayed with Garcia. Handcuffed herself to the damn bed post at her home if that's what it took. But she'd had her chance. It wasn't that she had no choice; it's that she had made it already.

The blonde walked the hallway to Emily's door and knocked on it urgently. She heard soft music being switched off and a muffled series of noises before just as soft footsteps nearing the door. Her anticipation leapt into her throat, flooding through her. Just the thought of being with Emily was turning her on, making her blood boil and her skin flush hot. The core of her rippled and danced the dance of arousal, heavier and more consuming than ever before. Delilah and every past lover, seemingly paling in comparison to what Emily was making her feel. And she hadn't even touched her yet. She'd never laid a hand on her, save for those two separate kisses and the soft touches and hugs, and the time they had slept on the couch together. Never had she touched her in any sexual way, yet she was still causing this reaction.

''JJ! What're you doing here, is everything okay?''

Emily asked immediately in surprise then concern as she saw the flush across her friends' skin, the darkening of her eyes and the flickering of heat circling within them. JJ was breathing deeply, one hand gripping so hard around the doorjamb that her knuckles were literally turning white. Somehow, as soon as she looked properly into her eyes, Emily knew what was happening. It took a second for the realisation to catch up but when it did it slammed into her, hard.

''I can't do this anymore.''

''Jennifer...''

Emily didn't expect the blonde to step forward so quickly. Didn't expect to feel the blonde's hands on each side of her face before gloriously soft lips crashed onto her own lips. Emily was momentarily disabled. Unable to do anything but submit to JJ's demanding mouth, to yield to her wants. It wasn't that she didn't want this. God knew she did, so very badly. The more time she spent with JJ the more she became preoccupied with her. The more she was unable to stop her eyes from studying the tone of the blonde's body, the brightness of her eyes, the curve of her cheekbone, the softness of her mouth. Emily had turned studying someone into an art form, because she was pretty damn sure she could describe the details of JJ's skin perfectly. The only thing she could describe was the remaining skin that she had left to see.

And she had to admit that Emily didn't think she had the resolve in her to stop this. To explore every single inch of the divine body being pressed against her own. She had fantasised about JJ on more than one occasion, and right now they were already starting to pale in comparison. JJ had kissed her, sure. But this was different. She hadn't kissed her like this before, like it would be like going without air if she were to stop. The blonde was urgent and demanding and consuming, so very skilled and wondrously exploratory and eager. Before Emily had even realised what was happening JJ had flung them into an earth shattering kiss, all devouring and tongues roaming, open and wanting. Such its own forceful phenomena that the brunette swore she went a little light headed.

Emily didn't know what had happened to push JJ to her door tonight, but part of her didn't care. And she knew that technically made her the bad guy. JJ was in a serious relationship and Emily knew damn well that she shouldn't be stepping a foot near it. But this was Jennifer Jareau. This was the woman making her feel things she had never felt before and doing it without, so far anyway, involving sex. Emily knew she wanted to have it, but with JJ it was another level too. It still scared her, but she couldn't stop.

Delilah Forrester was her competition. Competition that she had already sized up, already assessed and thought about and analysed. Emily knew very little for certain but what she did know was that if she did compete for JJ's heart, then she would beat Delilah. She would find a way around JJ's defences and her belief that she had to stay with the Detective no matter what, and challenge and break down the belief that she owed her. The trouble was that Emily also knew that if she did win JJ's heart, she wasn't sure what she would do with it. She would have absolutely no problem loving this woman. Deep down a part of her knew she did already. But that's what scared her. She wasn't like JJ. She didn't handle commitment all that well, didn't know what to do with a heart that was given to her. She had hurt people and been hurt too, and she was trying to figure herself out in this harsh world they worked in. The question wasn't over JJ, it was over herself. And whether she would be good enough for the blonde. Better than Delilah, she knew that. But probably still not good enough for what JJ deserved.

Emily pushed all that confusion and questioning out of her head as she found herself to be thrust up against her front door. Right now none of it mattered. Her fears, JJ's girlfriend, the line of their friendship being crossed, none of it mattered. Right here and right now, them together, that mattered.

''Oh god…''

JJ enjoyed the flustered and cracked mutter that came from the brunette as she kept her pinned between her own body and the door. Currently kissing, nipping and licking along Emily's neck the blonde was in complete control, having the ever so composed Emily Prentiss at her mercy and will. She loved it. Emily was so soft and so strong at the same time. Her skin was warm and smooth and she smelt amazing. She sounded amazing. Her body against her own felt phenomenal like this, their breathing heated and the heat searing between them. She could feel it all coursing through her body too, its what Emily made her feel.

Taking the brunette's hands JJ lifted them up to pin them too against the door, her mouth continuing its festivities along a tilted and offered out neck, moving down ever so slightly to Emily's exposed collar bone to do the same before making her way back up toward that glorious mouth. They fell into a deep kiss once again, and JJ let Emily's wrists go free as the blonde moved them, one wrapping around the back of the younger woman's head as the other slid across her side, both pulling her closer.

''You have no idea how much I want you.''

Emily practically growled out against the blonde's mouth, letting her hands shift their positions to pry open the buttons of the blonde's sweater. She was on fire, her skin was on fire, making her believe that if she didn't touch JJ's with her own then she would literally combust. JJ laughed ever so lowly as she let her pull the offending item of clothing off and throw it somewhere else.

''Oh I think I can imagine.''

She really could. She already knew how much Emily wanted her. All of this had been building up from the second they had clasped eyes on one another. Maybe it was always going to happen. Maybe JJ had been torturing herself and finding excuses for it not to in vain. She knew how much Emily wanted her because her want for Emily was parallel. JJ looked the brunette in the eyes, those almost black, stunning eyes, as she began to yank the open shirt off of her, eager also to rid the pesky indulgence of clothes in order to expose and explore skin.

They fell into their kiss again with reckless abandon, fighting for dominance as hands began to roam eagerly. Once JJ had managed to rid Emily of her shirt, she began to pull out the white top that had been underneath from the woman's jeans, making no effort of pulling it up over her head and tossing it into the apartment. It left Emily in only her bra, black as JJ had suspected. Immediately their mouths met again, JJ's hands possessively roaming the heated skin she had just exposed, gliding up to quickly push her palms against full breasts, making Emily moan into her mouth as she squirmed slightly on the spot.

She was so fucking hot, so fucking beautiful. JJ could hardly contain herself at touching the brunette, her breathing hitched and faltered and she was practically shaking. There was so much bottled up that it was making her quake, just the sheer thought of touching Emily like this and JJ was ready to explode. And already she could tell that she could spend a lifetime getting lost in Emily's oblivion. Happily so.

It was JJ's turn to be rid of her vest now, and she swallowed as Emily's hands smoothed over her skin, closing her eyes momentarily as the feeling washed over her. She had never been so aroused, she was so ready, every inch of her pulsating, begging for release. God she was so, very, wet. Wet for Emily, ready for Emily. She opened her eyes, regaining her senses again as she attacked Emily's mouth with gusto, moving to unhook her bra and let it fall down between them, hands eagerly returning to cup bare breasts, making both of them gasp and moan at the feeling. She had Emily squirming against the door, head pushing back into the wood as she squeezed and teased, rolling already hard nipples till they became even harder. And she left the heat of Emily's mouth to dip down so her mouth could engulf the left nipple, sucking and rolling circles with her tongue, making Emily groan loudly in pleasure, her hand gripping into her hair tightly, urging her on. Not that JJ had any intention of stopping.

Emily had begun to lose it. She had honestly never been pushed so far with only this having happened so far. She had always been a fan of foreplay with the right person but dear god it had never been like this. JJ was already touching her in exactly the right places in exactly the right ways. Her pleasure drunk mind was on overload, her world now only in sensation now. She still burned to touch JJ too, her hands leaving their grip on silky blond strands and easing down to JJ's own bra and undoing it quickly, fingernails immediately raking up the length of a smooth back. She enjoyed the vibrations of JJ's moan around her breast.

As soon as the bra was out of the way, JJ's hands moved to hastily begin to undo Emily's belt. That fucking lop sided belt buckle drove her crazy. It made her think about fucking Emily all the time, because it always gained her attention. Whether Emily knew it was sexy or not, it worked like a charm on her. She couldn't wait any longer. And she knew Emily couldn't. This was going to be fast and furious. They could indulge on exploring later, they could fuck into the small hours of the night, but right now they both needed a quick release and no more teasing. They needed that pressure valve to vent.

JJ brought her mouth back up to Emily's, popping the buttons of her jeans and rushing down the zipper as their mouths fused once again. Emily's hands pushed into the back of her jeans, slipping inside to mould around her ass, pulling her closer still. JJ moaned lightly before pushing her own hand into the front of Emily's pants, her fingers moving beneath her underwear and delving into heated and wet folds welcoming her.

''Oh fuck JJ…''

Emily choked out, gripping onto the blonde for dear life as she tried to absorb the feeling of the younger woman inside her. She couldn't believe this was happening but she was so damn glad that it was.

''Emily…oh shit. Fuck!''

Emily could barely understand what was happening. Besides JJ's voice, and her own as well as her heavy breathing, she could hear a dull rhythmic echo. She became distressed, alarmed even, as JJ drew away from her, and Emily began to realise what that noise was. It was JJ's blackberry.

''Don't.''

The one word carried the pleading she felt inside, she didn't want this to stop. They were so close, she was so worked up.

''I have to, it's work.''

JJ pulled away, governed by her loyalty to her work. It wasn't as though her duty to it had never interrupted before. There had been more than one occasion where it had destroyed her night with Delilah, and definitely on more than one occasion that it had called in the midst of sex. JJ answered every single time. Just like she was doing now, because that was the burden she had taken on by stepping into her job. The others didn't get it, they were called at odd hours sure, but it was nothing compared to her. JJ would work under the radar. She would accept the all hours calls and work on how to make it so she didn't have to call her team until a reasonably decent hour.

As she stepped away the blonde felt cold, shivered even. The loss of Emily body, the heat she provided, the bursting of this bubble let everything come rushing back at her. The entire day hit her all at once, the whole concept of having feelings for another woman, of betraying her girlfriend that loved her. What the fuck has she been thinking?

JJ turned away from Emily, unable to look her temptation in the eye as everything slammed back into her. It wasn't Emily's fault, it really wasn't. It was hers. It was her mistake, her sin, her betrayal.

''Jareau.''

Her voice was still husky and shaky and she hoped to god that Hotch didn't notice.

''What? When? Is he okay?''

From the shock and concern in JJ's voice Emily knew that it was serious. She was still put out for being interrupted like this, still a little petulant about it, but she couldn't do anything about it now. It was over. And with the crashing of reality, the brunette knew that it had hit JJ hard. She had never turned away from her like this for anything before. And that's what made a lump form in the brunette's throat. JJ had stepped over a line and Emily knew that it was going to hurt her.

''I'm on my way.''

JJ hung up, lifting a shaking hand up to run through her tussled hair. As though all of this wasn't bad enough, wasn't confusing enough, but now this? Now a murder at Gideon's place? It was a lot to take in. Timidly and guiltily JJ looked back at Emily who was still against the door. She couldn't hold her eyes for more than a second, instead she ducked down to grab her clothes and start putting them on.

''Something's happened. It's Gideon.''

She offered the silent brunette who she could feel was still watching her. She couldn't bare it. She couldn't bare her newfound title of cheater. This was such a deceit to her lover. It hadn't gone all the way but it had gone far enough. She had intended to let it go all the way. She couldn't do this. She couldn't handle it. Everything was starting to crack and crumble and she had no idea what to do. She felt like she was holding onto a dead weight, trying to keep it afloat and breathing.

''JJ…''

''Don't!''

Emily stopped short, even jumped slightly at the anger and guilt in JJ's voice as she snapped at her. The blonde had dressed exceptionally quickly and Emily moved as the blonde headed for the door. But as she opened it, the younger woman hesitated and looked back a little, still unable to look Emily in the eye.

''I'm sorry.''

After that she was gone. The door closed in her wake and she was just gone. Emily stood there, her breath still ragged and her body slowly trying to come down from its high. She blinked as she tried to work out if what happened had been real or a dream. Tried to push down the sudden flare of fear because this would affect the best friendship she'd ever had. She didn't want to lose JJ, but the whisperings in her head told her that this had terrified the blonde.

''Shit!''

It was her own phone that began to ring then, and bit by bit the composed Emily Prentiss began to push things into her neat little boxes. Began to filter it out. She couldn't worry about this now, it had to wait. She too was a slave to her job, and one of their own was in trouble. She didn't know why yet but it didn't matter, they were a family.

JJ would have to wait.