Beautiful Disaster 2/2
Title: Beautiful Disaster 2/2
Author: Maggsie! (me)
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: 15
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters
Spoilers: None
AN: My beta darkbardzero gave me a kick up the ass, and this came out!
Summary: When JJ's insecurities arise, can Emily help her get past them and move on?
Emily walked in the front door, to the place she considered home. Well, home as of three weeks ago. The brunette hadn’t seen JJ since she had walked out, after the liaison had accused her of cheating. She hadn’t seen her at work, as the blonde had taken some vacation time straight after. Hotch had approved it, seeing as she had a lot built up. Garcia had let Emily know that JJ was okay, and she greatly appreciated being told.
She may have walked out on the blonde, but she still loved her and always would. Emily had been worried about her, but she had been told that she was due back to work the following week. She knew that they wouldn’t let their break up affect the team, but it was going to be hard to just be professional with JJ.
Emily missed the blonde, but she also hated being away from Henry. She was used to either seeing him, or talking to him on the phone every single day. But she hadn’t done either since she had left. The brunette hoped that the bond she shared with him wouldn’t change now that she and JJ had broken up; she just knew she’d have to put the effort in to make sure it didn’t change.
As she entered the house, the memories hit her. All the moments they had together as a family; Henry’s birthdays, Christmases, and the little moments, like the quick kisses they shared or the nights they spent up on the sofa after a hard day at work. She couldn’t believe that had all disappeared on that one moment.
Emily didn’t know quite where that had come from. Things were going great between them, she had even been close to proposing to the blonde. The profiler knew that Will was to blame for JJ’s insecurities, but she didn’t think she’d ever given the liaison any reason to doubt her. No reason to make her think she would be unfaithful. She had seen what it had done to the blonde, and there was no way she’d ever inflict that kind of pain on her, it was too unbearable to think about.
Snapping out of her thoughts, she took in the scene in front of her. It was silent; there was no one in the house. Walking through, every room was spotless. But Emily knew JJ liked to clean when she was stressed or upset about something. As silly as it might have sounded, it smelled like home, it felt like home, it was home.
Not looking at all the family pictures that were littered around everywhere of the three of them, she headed straight for what used to be her and JJ’s bedroom. She was glad that no one was home; Emily didn’t think she could deal with the emotion of a confrontation right then. The brunette wasn’t a person who would easily cry, but this had broken her, more than she liked to admit.
Placing the holdall she had with her on the bed, she turned round to the wardrobe and opened it, starting to pull out her clothes quickly. She didn’t want to take lots of time doing it, all it would do is make her more upset, and she didn’t think she had any tears left to cry. Not bothering to fold, she stuffed her clothes into her bag, trying to free her mind of memories. Like the endless amount of times that she and JJ had made love all night in this very room. Or wrapped up around each other as they stirred from sleep.
Swallowing back the tears that were threatening to fall, she carried on packing her bag, not stopping to think for a second. But a few minutes later, as she finished the packing, and zipped her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, she let the tears fall as she turned round and looked at the bed. Two photos on the bedside table caught her attention. One of her and JJ, lost in a kiss that Garcia had taken, the other of the three of them sitting on the couch, as the blonde and brunette ticked their son. Their son.
Not taking her eyes of the photo, she walked forward and picked it up. Emily caressed her thumb over it, just staring at it for a few moments, before gulping back the sob and reaching back and putting it in to her hold all.
Not wanting to dwell on the moment, she let the tears stream down her face as she left the bedroom, and unhooked her front door key from her key chain and placing it on the kitchen counter. Just as she was about to head off, she heard the front door open. Emily quickly tried to wipe away her tears, as she walked out of the kitchen and came face to face with JJ.
The brunette saw the sadness in the liaison’s eyes, as she stared back at her, neither of them saying anything, neither of them knowing what to say.
“Mommy!”
Emily was startled, as she saw Henry run towards her, and just in time opened her arms as he jumped into them. Picking him up, she placed a kiss on his forehead as he wrapped his arms around her neck. She hadn’t realised just how much she had missed him. Emily didn’t dare to look at JJ as Henry put his hands on either side of her face and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. The brunette couldn’t help but smile at the little boy in her arms.
“Why you crying Mommy?”
Henry asked, and Emily kissed him on the cheek.
“I’m just happy to see you buddy.”
The brunette said gently; as Henry smiled at her before she put him back down on the floor and then kneeling down to meet his eye level.
“Why don’t you go and play in your room, kiddo? Me and Mom need to talk.”
Henry stared at her intently, as she placed her hands on his arms, stroking up and down.
“Are you coming home?”
The little boy asked gently, and Emily felt her dam almost break again. She looked up to meet JJ’s eyes but she had turned away so she looked back at her son. His bright blue eyes that matched JJ’s, were sad and confused.
“I don’t think so, no.”
The profiler could see the tears starting to fall down his chubby cheeks, and she hated that she had done that. His thumb went to his mouth and when Emily tried to reach out for him, he turned away and ran down the hall to his room. As she was about to go after him, JJ held out her hand telling her to leave it for a while. Emily thought about it and then nodded gently.
Getting back to her feet, she locked eyes with JJ. She always used to wonder how someone like the blonde would be with someone like her. But JJ had squashed those insecurities, and she thought she had done the same for the liaison. Obviously she was wrong. A silence stretched between them for a couple of minutes, before Emily was the first to break it.
“I should probably get going.”
Emily explained, as she gestured to the door, making sure her bag was securely placed on her shoulder. JJ shook her head slowly, before hanging her head.
“Can you stay? I think we need to talk.”
The brunette took in JJ’s nervous posture as the blonde looked up again. Emily could see the tears glistening in JJ’s eyes. This is what she was hoping she wouldn’t have to deal with, because if she ever saw an upset JJ, she instantly wanted to make things right between them again. And Emily wasn’t sure if she could do it, not over something like this. Taking a deep breath, she plopped her bag down on the floor by where she stood.
“I’ll stay to talk.”
Emily stated firmly, before heading to the family room, with JJ following closely behind her. They both took a seat on the couch, opposite ends to each other, neither of them knowing what to say. All that JJ knew, was she had to make things okay between them again. She missed the brunette like crazy; a part of her was missing when Emily wasn’t around. JJ just couldn’t believe how stupid she had been.
“I miss you.”
JJ whispered, and Emily turned her head to look at the blonde, who was staring at something ahead. Emily leant forward, resting her head in her hands, caressing her temple with her thumb, trying to get the headache that was starting to form to go away. She could feel blue eyes burning into her, and when she looked their eyes met and Emily could feel herself falling in love with the blonde all over again.
“I miss you too.”
The profiler said sincerely, and it was the truth. JJ reached over, and took Emily’s hand in hers. She squeezed gently, before Emily pulled her hand back. JJ had hurt her when she thought that she was the type of person who would cheat on her. The brunette thought that JJ trusted her, and it made her heart ache knowing that she didn’t.
“Emily, I know the only way I might get you back is to tell you why I thought you’d ever cheat on me. Because I want you back, I need you back. You make me who I am, and I don’t think I can live without you. These last two weeks have been hell for me, I just....you deserve to know.”
The blonde choked out. Emily hated to see her struggling with her words when usually she was so composed. Even in front of journalists that were like vultures, she stayed stoic, never showing any undue emotion. It’s why it was so difficult to see like this; tears now streaming down her face. The brunette inched closer to JJ, and rubbed her hand up and down the blonde’s arm. JJ turned to look at where Emily’s hand was before meeting her eyes again.
“JJ, I’m here. You can tell me anything, you know that.”
The blonde nodded slowly, before taking a deep breath, trying to regain her composure again. Letting the breath out, she saw the love in Emily’s eyes and knew this was it. She was either going to get Emily back or she was going to lose her forever.
“Okay...here goes...when Will left me, it left me devastated. I loved him, and none of that mattered to him. His vows didn’t seem to mean anything to him. He didn’t just cheat on me though, he cheated on our family.”
“JJ, I....”
“Please, let me finish.”
The blonde said softly, and Emily nodded, pulling her hand away from JJ’s arm and going back to where she was sat before, listening intently to what JJ was saying.
“I love you, and I don’t want you to ever doubt that. But there is always something in the back of my mind, where I’m just waiting for you to leave me. Will did it so why wouldn’t you?”
“Because I’m not that person, I love you damnit!”
Emily said angrily, and JJ’s head snapped up to look at her, startled by the brunette’s tone. She sounded angry and she had every right to be. She would have been too if the roles were reversed. But she needed Emily to see that it wasn’t about trust or love.
“I know...I just get scared. Everything was going perfect, and then you were being secretive and the paranoia took over....and I just couldn’t stop it, however much I wanted to. I know you would never cheat on me, I do.”
The brunette got off the couch, kneeling down on the floor in front of JJ. Reaching up, she wiped the blonde’s tears away with the pads of her thumbs and putting some loose blonde hair behind her ear. Surprising JJ, she leant up, glancing a kiss over the liaison’s lips, before pulling back. JJ sniffed softly, before a small smile graced her lips.
“I’m so sorry.”
JJ whispered, leaning down and pulling Emily to a deeper kiss. All the emotions of the last couple of weeks being poured in to the kiss, and the brunette could taste the salty tears. Leaning back, JJ reached down and leaned her forehead against the profilers.
“We have things to work on, we both know that. But I can’t live without you, and I don’t ever want to be away from you again.”
Emily stated firmly, and JJ nodded. Just as she was about to kiss the blonde again, she caught another body in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she was met with the sight of Henry, with a massive grin on his face.
“Mommy, are you coming home?”
Henry asked softly, and Emily turned to JJ who smiled gently, and taking that as a yes she gestured for Henry to come to her. He ran forward, running into her arms.
“I’m coming home buddy.”
Author: Maggsie! (me)
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: 15
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters
Spoilers: None
AN: My beta darkbardzero gave me a kick up the ass, and this came out!
Summary: When JJ's insecurities arise, can Emily help her get past them and move on?
Emily walked in the front door, to the place she considered home. Well, home as of three weeks ago. The brunette hadn’t seen JJ since she had walked out, after the liaison had accused her of cheating. She hadn’t seen her at work, as the blonde had taken some vacation time straight after. Hotch had approved it, seeing as she had a lot built up. Garcia had let Emily know that JJ was okay, and she greatly appreciated being told.
She may have walked out on the blonde, but she still loved her and always would. Emily had been worried about her, but she had been told that she was due back to work the following week. She knew that they wouldn’t let their break up affect the team, but it was going to be hard to just be professional with JJ.
Emily missed the blonde, but she also hated being away from Henry. She was used to either seeing him, or talking to him on the phone every single day. But she hadn’t done either since she had left. The brunette hoped that the bond she shared with him wouldn’t change now that she and JJ had broken up; she just knew she’d have to put the effort in to make sure it didn’t change.
As she entered the house, the memories hit her. All the moments they had together as a family; Henry’s birthdays, Christmases, and the little moments, like the quick kisses they shared or the nights they spent up on the sofa after a hard day at work. She couldn’t believe that had all disappeared on that one moment.
Emily didn’t know quite where that had come from. Things were going great between them, she had even been close to proposing to the blonde. The profiler knew that Will was to blame for JJ’s insecurities, but she didn’t think she’d ever given the liaison any reason to doubt her. No reason to make her think she would be unfaithful. She had seen what it had done to the blonde, and there was no way she’d ever inflict that kind of pain on her, it was too unbearable to think about.
Snapping out of her thoughts, she took in the scene in front of her. It was silent; there was no one in the house. Walking through, every room was spotless. But Emily knew JJ liked to clean when she was stressed or upset about something. As silly as it might have sounded, it smelled like home, it felt like home, it was home.
Not looking at all the family pictures that were littered around everywhere of the three of them, she headed straight for what used to be her and JJ’s bedroom. She was glad that no one was home; Emily didn’t think she could deal with the emotion of a confrontation right then. The brunette wasn’t a person who would easily cry, but this had broken her, more than she liked to admit.
Placing the holdall she had with her on the bed, she turned round to the wardrobe and opened it, starting to pull out her clothes quickly. She didn’t want to take lots of time doing it, all it would do is make her more upset, and she didn’t think she had any tears left to cry. Not bothering to fold, she stuffed her clothes into her bag, trying to free her mind of memories. Like the endless amount of times that she and JJ had made love all night in this very room. Or wrapped up around each other as they stirred from sleep.
Swallowing back the tears that were threatening to fall, she carried on packing her bag, not stopping to think for a second. But a few minutes later, as she finished the packing, and zipped her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, she let the tears fall as she turned round and looked at the bed. Two photos on the bedside table caught her attention. One of her and JJ, lost in a kiss that Garcia had taken, the other of the three of them sitting on the couch, as the blonde and brunette ticked their son. Their son.
Not taking her eyes of the photo, she walked forward and picked it up. Emily caressed her thumb over it, just staring at it for a few moments, before gulping back the sob and reaching back and putting it in to her hold all.
Not wanting to dwell on the moment, she let the tears stream down her face as she left the bedroom, and unhooked her front door key from her key chain and placing it on the kitchen counter. Just as she was about to head off, she heard the front door open. Emily quickly tried to wipe away her tears, as she walked out of the kitchen and came face to face with JJ.
The brunette saw the sadness in the liaison’s eyes, as she stared back at her, neither of them saying anything, neither of them knowing what to say.
“Mommy!”
Emily was startled, as she saw Henry run towards her, and just in time opened her arms as he jumped into them. Picking him up, she placed a kiss on his forehead as he wrapped his arms around her neck. She hadn’t realised just how much she had missed him. Emily didn’t dare to look at JJ as Henry put his hands on either side of her face and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. The brunette couldn’t help but smile at the little boy in her arms.
“Why you crying Mommy?”
Henry asked, and Emily kissed him on the cheek.
“I’m just happy to see you buddy.”
The brunette said gently; as Henry smiled at her before she put him back down on the floor and then kneeling down to meet his eye level.
“Why don’t you go and play in your room, kiddo? Me and Mom need to talk.”
Henry stared at her intently, as she placed her hands on his arms, stroking up and down.
“Are you coming home?”
The little boy asked gently, and Emily felt her dam almost break again. She looked up to meet JJ’s eyes but she had turned away so she looked back at her son. His bright blue eyes that matched JJ’s, were sad and confused.
“I don’t think so, no.”
The profiler could see the tears starting to fall down his chubby cheeks, and she hated that she had done that. His thumb went to his mouth and when Emily tried to reach out for him, he turned away and ran down the hall to his room. As she was about to go after him, JJ held out her hand telling her to leave it for a while. Emily thought about it and then nodded gently.
Getting back to her feet, she locked eyes with JJ. She always used to wonder how someone like the blonde would be with someone like her. But JJ had squashed those insecurities, and she thought she had done the same for the liaison. Obviously she was wrong. A silence stretched between them for a couple of minutes, before Emily was the first to break it.
“I should probably get going.”
Emily explained, as she gestured to the door, making sure her bag was securely placed on her shoulder. JJ shook her head slowly, before hanging her head.
“Can you stay? I think we need to talk.”
The brunette took in JJ’s nervous posture as the blonde looked up again. Emily could see the tears glistening in JJ’s eyes. This is what she was hoping she wouldn’t have to deal with, because if she ever saw an upset JJ, she instantly wanted to make things right between them again. And Emily wasn’t sure if she could do it, not over something like this. Taking a deep breath, she plopped her bag down on the floor by where she stood.
“I’ll stay to talk.”
Emily stated firmly, before heading to the family room, with JJ following closely behind her. They both took a seat on the couch, opposite ends to each other, neither of them knowing what to say. All that JJ knew, was she had to make things okay between them again. She missed the brunette like crazy; a part of her was missing when Emily wasn’t around. JJ just couldn’t believe how stupid she had been.
“I miss you.”
JJ whispered, and Emily turned her head to look at the blonde, who was staring at something ahead. Emily leant forward, resting her head in her hands, caressing her temple with her thumb, trying to get the headache that was starting to form to go away. She could feel blue eyes burning into her, and when she looked their eyes met and Emily could feel herself falling in love with the blonde all over again.
“I miss you too.”
The profiler said sincerely, and it was the truth. JJ reached over, and took Emily’s hand in hers. She squeezed gently, before Emily pulled her hand back. JJ had hurt her when she thought that she was the type of person who would cheat on her. The brunette thought that JJ trusted her, and it made her heart ache knowing that she didn’t.
“Emily, I know the only way I might get you back is to tell you why I thought you’d ever cheat on me. Because I want you back, I need you back. You make me who I am, and I don’t think I can live without you. These last two weeks have been hell for me, I just....you deserve to know.”
The blonde choked out. Emily hated to see her struggling with her words when usually she was so composed. Even in front of journalists that were like vultures, she stayed stoic, never showing any undue emotion. It’s why it was so difficult to see like this; tears now streaming down her face. The brunette inched closer to JJ, and rubbed her hand up and down the blonde’s arm. JJ turned to look at where Emily’s hand was before meeting her eyes again.
“JJ, I’m here. You can tell me anything, you know that.”
The blonde nodded slowly, before taking a deep breath, trying to regain her composure again. Letting the breath out, she saw the love in Emily’s eyes and knew this was it. She was either going to get Emily back or she was going to lose her forever.
“Okay...here goes...when Will left me, it left me devastated. I loved him, and none of that mattered to him. His vows didn’t seem to mean anything to him. He didn’t just cheat on me though, he cheated on our family.”
“JJ, I....”
“Please, let me finish.”
The blonde said softly, and Emily nodded, pulling her hand away from JJ’s arm and going back to where she was sat before, listening intently to what JJ was saying.
“I love you, and I don’t want you to ever doubt that. But there is always something in the back of my mind, where I’m just waiting for you to leave me. Will did it so why wouldn’t you?”
“Because I’m not that person, I love you damnit!”
Emily said angrily, and JJ’s head snapped up to look at her, startled by the brunette’s tone. She sounded angry and she had every right to be. She would have been too if the roles were reversed. But she needed Emily to see that it wasn’t about trust or love.
“I know...I just get scared. Everything was going perfect, and then you were being secretive and the paranoia took over....and I just couldn’t stop it, however much I wanted to. I know you would never cheat on me, I do.”
The brunette got off the couch, kneeling down on the floor in front of JJ. Reaching up, she wiped the blonde’s tears away with the pads of her thumbs and putting some loose blonde hair behind her ear. Surprising JJ, she leant up, glancing a kiss over the liaison’s lips, before pulling back. JJ sniffed softly, before a small smile graced her lips.
“I’m so sorry.”
JJ whispered, leaning down and pulling Emily to a deeper kiss. All the emotions of the last couple of weeks being poured in to the kiss, and the brunette could taste the salty tears. Leaning back, JJ reached down and leaned her forehead against the profilers.
“We have things to work on, we both know that. But I can’t live without you, and I don’t ever want to be away from you again.”
Emily stated firmly, and JJ nodded. Just as she was about to kiss the blonde again, she caught another body in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she was met with the sight of Henry, with a massive grin on his face.
“Mommy, are you coming home?”
Henry asked softly, and Emily turned to JJ who smiled gently, and taking that as a yes she gestured for Henry to come to her. He ran forward, running into her arms.
“I’m coming home buddy.”