CSI-fic: Mistakes (4/?)
Title: Mistakes
Author: TXLtoSFO
Fandom: CSI:LV
Pairing: Sara Sidle/OC
Rating: PG to NC-17 (NC-17-rated chapters will be noted in the cut)
Disclaimer: CSI, its characters, places, and situations are property of Jerry Bruckheimer Television, Alliance Atlantis and CBS Productions. This story was written for entertainment, not monetary purposes. Original characters, and this story are intellectual property of the author. Any similarities to existing characters, fictional or real, living or dead, are coincidental and no harm is intended.
Spoiler/Warnings: none
Summary: Someone from Sara's past shows up in an unexpected position in Vegas and quite a drama ensues. Sara thinks some mistakes can't be forgive and forgotten but Catherine is convinced that everyone deserves a secon chance and tries her best to get Sara to the point of forgiveness.
Notes: This is where it really gets started. It's the beginning of introducing a series of flashbacks that will continue throughout the story, shedding some light on Eli and Sara's mutual past.
Mistakes
4. Bits and pieces
Sara Sidle tossed and turned in her bed, the burgundy sheets crumpled at her feet; it was a particularly hot day in Vegas and her dark brown curtains blocked out most of the harsh mid-morning sunlight, but not the heat that had crept into her apartment. The only sound was the low humming of the AC that so didn't do its supposed work today. She was slightly sweaty, though she didn't wear much more than black sleep shorts and a thin light blue tank top.
Whatever she had tried this morning, watching really bad talk shows on TV, which she never did, taking a very long, supposedly relaxing shower after running five miles, which she hadn't done in far too long, downing two bottles of beer in less than twenty minutes, which she shouldn't have done, she couldn't get the picture of Elizabeth Trent standing in that hotel suite out of her head. After so many years, she was still beyond furious when it came to this woman. Fragments of conversations, arguments flashed through her mind and she just wasn't able to chase those sentences and images away.
"How could you just leave her alone? In the moment she needed you the most? You just took off and went away! What did you do since it happened? Drink yourself stupid? Or even better, make up for your loss and fuck the next girl that made the eyes at you?"
Sara heard herself shout at a significantly younger Eli, lying on the Sofa in her dorm room, surrounded by discarded beer bottles, the fading smell of weed still lingering in the stale air, windows and blinds closed, completely drunk and wasted.
"You know what Sidle, why aren't you there, at her side, since she obviously still means that much to you? Yet instead you stand here yelling at me." The younger Eli got up and into an equally younger Sara's face. "You know just how hot you look when you're angry?" She added with a crooked smile, a vain attempt at smugness considering her drunken state. She expected her to hit her, for sure. And she did. Sara punched Eli square in the face. Her lip split and blood started to trickle out of the corner of her mouth. Eli just laughed and spit blood on the floor that left a stain on the surprisingly clean cream coloured carpet, considering the otherwise currently extremely messy state of the rest of the room.
"Quite a punch you got Sidle! Is that what you think I deserve? Or is that just your way of compensating for losing her to me?"
"Fuck you! I was there. Now I don't need to be anymore, because she fucking killed herself this morning."
Sara's fist connected a second time with Eli's face, even harder that time. Eli stumbled backwards and fell back onto the sofa, crushing a bottle with her Doc Martens in a step back while trying to regain her balance with a crunching sound, but never took her eyes off Sara, that stupid smile still plastered on her bruised and bleeding face, infuriating the brunette even more. But she retreated and shot her an icy stare.
"Fuck you, just fuck you, Trent. You're beneath me. You've been beneath her. I despise you and you're arrogance. I hope you rot in hell!"
Sara turned on her heel, not even feeling the cracked digit she had suffered from punching Trent the second time and headed off, hot tears of fury, loss and helplessness running down her cheeks.
Sara groaned and buried her head in the fluffy pillow. The way she had been standing there. Flawless from head to toe, that dazzling smile planted on her face as she had greeted Catherine. Innocent, professional. She had somehow always managed to make a good first impression, to make people believe she was a good person until she had them convinced and only then slowly begun showing her real face. She had a talent to intrigue, to impress people. Of course, if you didn't know her, you just couldn't fathom how immensely wrong that polished image felt considering the person she really was. Was. Had been. Still was, Sara was sure of that. No one that mean could ever change. She didn't believe in people changing for the better. She just couldn't, no one had ever proven her wrong believing so yet.
Weeks passed and Sara kept her promise to Catherine to act professionally around Trent. She greeted her with a short and cold "Trent." at crime scenes or when they met around the lab or the Department, barely acknowledging her presence. But they talked about cases and facts, they even interrogated together and Catherine noticed that they made a strangely perfect team in the interrogation room. They completed each other's sentences at crime scenes and whilst being buried nose deep in evidence and trace. But they never shared a personal word. Nothing.
Yet everyone else at the lab had kind of fallen for the smart and polite Detective. Nick was reminded of himself by her gentle and well-mannered ways. She had beaten Warrick on some game on the playstation in the break room and one time they had gone out for a beer after shift, Trent had gotten a girl's number Warrick had set his eyes on. He was impressed. And amused. Greg had begun sharing his coffee with Eli whenever she was at the lab. They chatted in the break room like old buddies, until Grissom had reminded Greg of all the work he had yet to do. They had both looked like sad little puppies and agreed to have breakfast at least once a week. Trent had charmed Wendy into processing evidence for her cases first on. Nobody had ever managed to charm Wendy. Her comment to Catherine was simple as that: "If that woman was a man, I'd be head over heels. This one time, it's a pity I'm not gay." Catherine's jaw had hit the floor. Yes, it was as simple as that. Everyone liked Det. Trent. Even Grissom couldn't help but be impressed with the young Detective. She was a very fast thinker and understood complex situations and scientific evidence and its meaning like no other Detective he had ever met without a scientific background.
Sara observed the changes around her with disbelief. That was just what always had happened. Trent came and the whole world started revolving around her and only her. Sure, hadn't she known the Detective for as long and as good as she did, she would have believed in the nice little charade, too. But she knew better. One day Eli would show her real face. But still, it was impressive, in a disgusting kind of way. What had taken her years of building trust and trying to bond with the people she worked with, Eli had accomplished the same thing in less than three months. For crying out loud, did she have to take that from her, too? Her friends? Hadn't she done enough damage yet?
And Catherine... She was making real friends with Eli. After that first day, going to have breakfast after they had cases together had become a pleasant routine. Once or twice they had skipped the breakfast for beers, after rather hard cases. They had talked about Trent's childhood being the only child of very rich parents. Eli had told her that as soon as she had known she was gay, it had been the perfect way to rebel against her parents. How she had crashed the Porsche she had gotten for her 16th birthday just two days later, trying to be a show-off to a girl she had had a huge crush on. How Catherine had been raised by her show-girl mother. How she had become rebellious and ran away to end up as an exotic dancer in Vegas. Trent then had momentarily zoned out and imagined a younger Catherine Willows in nothing but a bra, a thong and heels. Catherine had just laughed and hit her shoulder in a lame attempt to knock her out of those thoughts. Eli had turned a bright shade of red and apologized frantically. Not that she had a crush or anything on the older woman, but she would never hide from Catherine that she liked looking at her or that the thought of her in her former "work clothes" wasn't a rather appealing one. They were friends. Catherine understood Wendy's words. The Detective was handsome, stylish and charming. And as far as she knew, honest and very direct. And Catherine wasn't so damn straight at all. But it wasn't about physical attraction, they just had clicked and both liked to tease one another, knowing they could without doing any harm. It was fun, it was simple and Catherine enjoyed it. There was just one subject they avoided like the devil himself. Eli's connection to Sara.
On the other hand, Catherine had also met a new match. Once they had been standing in one of the lab's corridors, right outside trace and had argued about inconclusive evidence on a current case they worked. Actually, it had been more of a shouting match then an argument. No one had ever seen Catherine that agitated about someone else but Sara. And it had been the first time Catherine had seen and heard what it meant when Det. Trent got angry. She had an intimidating loud and forceful voice, her tone had gotten cold and hoarser and the low pleasant timbre was gone. Her hands balled to fists at her sides and her eyes had become almost black. They had shouted at each other for the better part of ten minutes, everyone in the labs already ducking behind their respective workstations just to not get in any way of the two angry women. Sara stood in the doorway of Mandy's fingerprint lab, arms crossed at her chest and eyed the heated discussion nervously. Then she more felt than saw the Detective's glance flicker over to her. And then back to Catherine. Suddenly Trent's eyes regained their warm chocolaty colour and she unclasped her hands.
"Stop, Cath, stop it." Eli shouted then, trying to get through to Catherine, who looked at her puzzled and stopped her yelled argument mid-sentence.
"We're getting nowhere with this. We're just making it worse. We both want to find out, desperately so, what happened to this woman. But shouting at each other because we're seeing different things in the evidence will give us no results. Let's have a coffee, talk about something else for a minute and then go back to the layout room and go over it all once again. From the very beginning. Or maybe we could ask someone else to look over it. A pair of fresh eyes. Our judgment has become kind of clouded, don't you think? Sar, would you mind taking a look. If we're missing something, maybe you'll find it. You're a hell of an investigator, you know?"
Sara was staring at her with her mouth hanging open. Had Eli just broken an argument, decided on stopping the shouting she was so enormously good at, offered Catherine a truce and had asked HER for help AND complimented her on her work all at once? She must be dreaming. All she could do was nod as she saw Catherine's pleading look added to Trent's admission of needing, wanting help.
They went to the break room to get some coffee. Trent turned to Sara as she poured three cups for them and said, grave earnest:
"Thank you for agreeing Sara. Thank you for not turning your back on me, though you have nothing to do with our case. I appreciate that. And I'm sorry. God, Sara, I'm so sorry!"
Trent instantly turned away and hung her head.
Sara felt a wave of anger and confusion creeping up on her. She swallowed hard and willed the feelings away. She felt the need to lash out at Eli, say something really mean, but she couldn't. Firstly, not with Catherine in the room and secondly, everything she had seen of Eli since she had come to Vegas had shown her that she seemed to really have changed. She just wasn't sure. Not sure enough to let her get to her again. Not sure enough to talk. Trent had always been a terribly good actor when it came to honesty and feelings. She had been able to coax anyone into anything. Even without using her credit card method of persuasion. She had lost her trust in the woman long ago and she was sure she never, ever wanted to change that fact. She had to stay hard.
Catherine found her words first. Bewildered by the scene playing out in front of her, seeing all the different emotions run through Sara's eyes and Trent obvious embarrassment at having made the leap of faith to be the first to say something to Sara that had obviously to do with their past and not the case, she decided that it was now or never.
"I guess you guys should talk. Really talk. If you don't want to do it alone, I'm willing to be there all the way. I trust you Sara, with my life, every day when we're out there and I like having you as a friend, so I hate seeing you closing up more and more, to everyone. And I got to like you a lot over the last few weeks, Eli. I cherish your honesty and your friendship. Whatever has been, if Sara is still that mad, there must be a very good reason for it. And no, Eli's hasn't said a word about anything that happened between the two of you. But she has admitted it had been completely her fault. She totally respects your privacy, Sara. But I really think you should talk about it. Talk to me, to each other. I think both of you have changed since then. Talk. What the hell happened between the two of you?"
She couldn't quite believe what Catherine was saying. Trent hadn't gossiped about them? She had admitted it had been her fault? Catherine wanted to play mediator? She looked at Trent, really looked at her for the first time in years. The sad look on her face, the guilt in her warm and deep brown eyes. The frown on her face right now that made her look years older than she was. No smugness, no arrogance.
Sara sighed.
"Good. Show me your goddamn case and I see if I can find something. And since shifts almost over, we can go to have breakfast afterwards. I promise you nothing here, Trent. But I know Cath just won't let it slip this easily a second time."
Catherine grinned and felt like a little, but persistent weight had just been lifted off her chest. It was a beginning. More than she had bargained for.
Elizabeth Trent got up and faced Sara.
"Thank you," she muttered so low that Sara almost didn't hear her. That just wasn't like her. Maybe... no, she couldn't have changed...
Author: TXLtoSFO
Fandom: CSI:LV
Pairing: Sara Sidle/OC
Rating: PG to NC-17 (NC-17-rated chapters will be noted in the cut)
Disclaimer: CSI, its characters, places, and situations are property of Jerry Bruckheimer Television, Alliance Atlantis and CBS Productions. This story was written for entertainment, not monetary purposes. Original characters, and this story are intellectual property of the author. Any similarities to existing characters, fictional or real, living or dead, are coincidental and no harm is intended.
Spoiler/Warnings: none
Summary: Someone from Sara's past shows up in an unexpected position in Vegas and quite a drama ensues. Sara thinks some mistakes can't be forgive and forgotten but Catherine is convinced that everyone deserves a secon chance and tries her best to get Sara to the point of forgiveness.
Notes: This is where it really gets started. It's the beginning of introducing a series of flashbacks that will continue throughout the story, shedding some light on Eli and Sara's mutual past.
Mistakes
4. Bits and pieces
Sara Sidle tossed and turned in her bed, the burgundy sheets crumpled at her feet; it was a particularly hot day in Vegas and her dark brown curtains blocked out most of the harsh mid-morning sunlight, but not the heat that had crept into her apartment. The only sound was the low humming of the AC that so didn't do its supposed work today. She was slightly sweaty, though she didn't wear much more than black sleep shorts and a thin light blue tank top.
Whatever she had tried this morning, watching really bad talk shows on TV, which she never did, taking a very long, supposedly relaxing shower after running five miles, which she hadn't done in far too long, downing two bottles of beer in less than twenty minutes, which she shouldn't have done, she couldn't get the picture of Elizabeth Trent standing in that hotel suite out of her head. After so many years, she was still beyond furious when it came to this woman. Fragments of conversations, arguments flashed through her mind and she just wasn't able to chase those sentences and images away.
"How could you just leave her alone? In the moment she needed you the most? You just took off and went away! What did you do since it happened? Drink yourself stupid? Or even better, make up for your loss and fuck the next girl that made the eyes at you?"
Sara heard herself shout at a significantly younger Eli, lying on the Sofa in her dorm room, surrounded by discarded beer bottles, the fading smell of weed still lingering in the stale air, windows and blinds closed, completely drunk and wasted.
"You know what Sidle, why aren't you there, at her side, since she obviously still means that much to you? Yet instead you stand here yelling at me." The younger Eli got up and into an equally younger Sara's face. "You know just how hot you look when you're angry?" She added with a crooked smile, a vain attempt at smugness considering her drunken state. She expected her to hit her, for sure. And she did. Sara punched Eli square in the face. Her lip split and blood started to trickle out of the corner of her mouth. Eli just laughed and spit blood on the floor that left a stain on the surprisingly clean cream coloured carpet, considering the otherwise currently extremely messy state of the rest of the room.
"Quite a punch you got Sidle! Is that what you think I deserve? Or is that just your way of compensating for losing her to me?"
"Fuck you! I was there. Now I don't need to be anymore, because she fucking killed herself this morning."
Sara's fist connected a second time with Eli's face, even harder that time. Eli stumbled backwards and fell back onto the sofa, crushing a bottle with her Doc Martens in a step back while trying to regain her balance with a crunching sound, but never took her eyes off Sara, that stupid smile still plastered on her bruised and bleeding face, infuriating the brunette even more. But she retreated and shot her an icy stare.
"Fuck you, just fuck you, Trent. You're beneath me. You've been beneath her. I despise you and you're arrogance. I hope you rot in hell!"
Sara turned on her heel, not even feeling the cracked digit she had suffered from punching Trent the second time and headed off, hot tears of fury, loss and helplessness running down her cheeks.
Sara groaned and buried her head in the fluffy pillow. The way she had been standing there. Flawless from head to toe, that dazzling smile planted on her face as she had greeted Catherine. Innocent, professional. She had somehow always managed to make a good first impression, to make people believe she was a good person until she had them convinced and only then slowly begun showing her real face. She had a talent to intrigue, to impress people. Of course, if you didn't know her, you just couldn't fathom how immensely wrong that polished image felt considering the person she really was. Was. Had been. Still was, Sara was sure of that. No one that mean could ever change. She didn't believe in people changing for the better. She just couldn't, no one had ever proven her wrong believing so yet.
Weeks passed and Sara kept her promise to Catherine to act professionally around Trent. She greeted her with a short and cold "Trent." at crime scenes or when they met around the lab or the Department, barely acknowledging her presence. But they talked about cases and facts, they even interrogated together and Catherine noticed that they made a strangely perfect team in the interrogation room. They completed each other's sentences at crime scenes and whilst being buried nose deep in evidence and trace. But they never shared a personal word. Nothing.
Yet everyone else at the lab had kind of fallen for the smart and polite Detective. Nick was reminded of himself by her gentle and well-mannered ways. She had beaten Warrick on some game on the playstation in the break room and one time they had gone out for a beer after shift, Trent had gotten a girl's number Warrick had set his eyes on. He was impressed. And amused. Greg had begun sharing his coffee with Eli whenever she was at the lab. They chatted in the break room like old buddies, until Grissom had reminded Greg of all the work he had yet to do. They had both looked like sad little puppies and agreed to have breakfast at least once a week. Trent had charmed Wendy into processing evidence for her cases first on. Nobody had ever managed to charm Wendy. Her comment to Catherine was simple as that: "If that woman was a man, I'd be head over heels. This one time, it's a pity I'm not gay." Catherine's jaw had hit the floor. Yes, it was as simple as that. Everyone liked Det. Trent. Even Grissom couldn't help but be impressed with the young Detective. She was a very fast thinker and understood complex situations and scientific evidence and its meaning like no other Detective he had ever met without a scientific background.
Sara observed the changes around her with disbelief. That was just what always had happened. Trent came and the whole world started revolving around her and only her. Sure, hadn't she known the Detective for as long and as good as she did, she would have believed in the nice little charade, too. But she knew better. One day Eli would show her real face. But still, it was impressive, in a disgusting kind of way. What had taken her years of building trust and trying to bond with the people she worked with, Eli had accomplished the same thing in less than three months. For crying out loud, did she have to take that from her, too? Her friends? Hadn't she done enough damage yet?
And Catherine... She was making real friends with Eli. After that first day, going to have breakfast after they had cases together had become a pleasant routine. Once or twice they had skipped the breakfast for beers, after rather hard cases. They had talked about Trent's childhood being the only child of very rich parents. Eli had told her that as soon as she had known she was gay, it had been the perfect way to rebel against her parents. How she had crashed the Porsche she had gotten for her 16th birthday just two days later, trying to be a show-off to a girl she had had a huge crush on. How Catherine had been raised by her show-girl mother. How she had become rebellious and ran away to end up as an exotic dancer in Vegas. Trent then had momentarily zoned out and imagined a younger Catherine Willows in nothing but a bra, a thong and heels. Catherine had just laughed and hit her shoulder in a lame attempt to knock her out of those thoughts. Eli had turned a bright shade of red and apologized frantically. Not that she had a crush or anything on the older woman, but she would never hide from Catherine that she liked looking at her or that the thought of her in her former "work clothes" wasn't a rather appealing one. They were friends. Catherine understood Wendy's words. The Detective was handsome, stylish and charming. And as far as she knew, honest and very direct. And Catherine wasn't so damn straight at all. But it wasn't about physical attraction, they just had clicked and both liked to tease one another, knowing they could without doing any harm. It was fun, it was simple and Catherine enjoyed it. There was just one subject they avoided like the devil himself. Eli's connection to Sara.
On the other hand, Catherine had also met a new match. Once they had been standing in one of the lab's corridors, right outside trace and had argued about inconclusive evidence on a current case they worked. Actually, it had been more of a shouting match then an argument. No one had ever seen Catherine that agitated about someone else but Sara. And it had been the first time Catherine had seen and heard what it meant when Det. Trent got angry. She had an intimidating loud and forceful voice, her tone had gotten cold and hoarser and the low pleasant timbre was gone. Her hands balled to fists at her sides and her eyes had become almost black. They had shouted at each other for the better part of ten minutes, everyone in the labs already ducking behind their respective workstations just to not get in any way of the two angry women. Sara stood in the doorway of Mandy's fingerprint lab, arms crossed at her chest and eyed the heated discussion nervously. Then she more felt than saw the Detective's glance flicker over to her. And then back to Catherine. Suddenly Trent's eyes regained their warm chocolaty colour and she unclasped her hands.
"Stop, Cath, stop it." Eli shouted then, trying to get through to Catherine, who looked at her puzzled and stopped her yelled argument mid-sentence.
"We're getting nowhere with this. We're just making it worse. We both want to find out, desperately so, what happened to this woman. But shouting at each other because we're seeing different things in the evidence will give us no results. Let's have a coffee, talk about something else for a minute and then go back to the layout room and go over it all once again. From the very beginning. Or maybe we could ask someone else to look over it. A pair of fresh eyes. Our judgment has become kind of clouded, don't you think? Sar, would you mind taking a look. If we're missing something, maybe you'll find it. You're a hell of an investigator, you know?"
Sara was staring at her with her mouth hanging open. Had Eli just broken an argument, decided on stopping the shouting she was so enormously good at, offered Catherine a truce and had asked HER for help AND complimented her on her work all at once? She must be dreaming. All she could do was nod as she saw Catherine's pleading look added to Trent's admission of needing, wanting help.
They went to the break room to get some coffee. Trent turned to Sara as she poured three cups for them and said, grave earnest:
"Thank you for agreeing Sara. Thank you for not turning your back on me, though you have nothing to do with our case. I appreciate that. And I'm sorry. God, Sara, I'm so sorry!"
Trent instantly turned away and hung her head.
Sara felt a wave of anger and confusion creeping up on her. She swallowed hard and willed the feelings away. She felt the need to lash out at Eli, say something really mean, but she couldn't. Firstly, not with Catherine in the room and secondly, everything she had seen of Eli since she had come to Vegas had shown her that she seemed to really have changed. She just wasn't sure. Not sure enough to let her get to her again. Not sure enough to talk. Trent had always been a terribly good actor when it came to honesty and feelings. She had been able to coax anyone into anything. Even without using her credit card method of persuasion. She had lost her trust in the woman long ago and she was sure she never, ever wanted to change that fact. She had to stay hard.
Catherine found her words first. Bewildered by the scene playing out in front of her, seeing all the different emotions run through Sara's eyes and Trent obvious embarrassment at having made the leap of faith to be the first to say something to Sara that had obviously to do with their past and not the case, she decided that it was now or never.
"I guess you guys should talk. Really talk. If you don't want to do it alone, I'm willing to be there all the way. I trust you Sara, with my life, every day when we're out there and I like having you as a friend, so I hate seeing you closing up more and more, to everyone. And I got to like you a lot over the last few weeks, Eli. I cherish your honesty and your friendship. Whatever has been, if Sara is still that mad, there must be a very good reason for it. And no, Eli's hasn't said a word about anything that happened between the two of you. But she has admitted it had been completely her fault. She totally respects your privacy, Sara. But I really think you should talk about it. Talk to me, to each other. I think both of you have changed since then. Talk. What the hell happened between the two of you?"
She couldn't quite believe what Catherine was saying. Trent hadn't gossiped about them? She had admitted it had been her fault? Catherine wanted to play mediator? She looked at Trent, really looked at her for the first time in years. The sad look on her face, the guilt in her warm and deep brown eyes. The frown on her face right now that made her look years older than she was. No smugness, no arrogance.
Sara sighed.
"Good. Show me your goddamn case and I see if I can find something. And since shifts almost over, we can go to have breakfast afterwards. I promise you nothing here, Trent. But I know Cath just won't let it slip this easily a second time."
Catherine grinned and felt like a little, but persistent weight had just been lifted off her chest. It was a beginning. More than she had bargained for.
Elizabeth Trent got up and faced Sara.
"Thank you," she muttered so low that Sara almost didn't hear her. That just wasn't like her. Maybe... no, she couldn't have changed...