Comments | wls: Fearing Success

stephie1973 in wls

Fearing Success

Dec 20, 2008 19:58

Tomorrow I will be one month out of surgery. It's time to weigh, measure and list what good is happening and what is not. I am a bit nervous about this, mostly because even though my measurements will certainly be smaller than pre-op, and my weight is down as well, I don't think it will sink in completely for quite some time. I am still in ( Read more... )

mental health

Comments 10

silntbob December 20 2008, 19:45:45 UTC

For me it took deciding that something as small as fear wasnt going to rule me. Sure the fear seemed pretty big but in reality it was little and petty and I kicked it right in its ass and told it to go away. It was hard but worth it, I know you can do it.

Oh and I know a blue million people say this but its true. Beauty is on the inside, it matters not a bit what the outside looks like

werefox61 December 20 2008, 23:59:33 UTC

I want to thank you first for the courage to post your fear. I can totally relate. That is what has probably caused me to fail each time in the past when I lost weight. I remember having lost a substantial amount of weight a while ago. I was walking past a store window and caught my reflection in it out of the corner of my eye. I thought that's a cute girl... then I realized it was me. And it scared me. I didn't look like me. I went off my diet and have not seen that weight since ( ... )

stephie1973 December 21 2008, 06:29:11 UTC

Thanks. I was talking to my beloved husband last night about this post. You are right, abuse of any sort lives with us forever and we don't ever truly get over it.. this is the final part I've not worked through. I do have a therapist I saw a few times prior to surgery and I believe a call will be made after the holidays. Thanks for the encouragement.

toomskt December 21 2008, 00:58:35 UTC

I can relate to some extent. I had therapy too before surgery and I think to some degree being fat was an excuse to me to separate myself from other people. I too steps to put fear aside before surgery and made a mantra out of "I don;t need the fat any more", because honestly, I didn't. I like who I am; I know I can handle anything that comes my way. You can, too, and I think you're brave and cool for posting about it.

stephie1973 December 21 2008, 06:35:17 UTC

Being fat has always been protective for me, yes. I became unhealthy, however, and this is the reason why I had surgery. I am loving the way surgery has changed me (some bad, some good) but I knew the outcome and decided to do it for me, finally - to be healthy. I don't need the fat anymore, I know. I loathe the fat now. It is a reminder, a constant reminder that it is 'my protector from hurt'. I don't need protecting anymore. I can protect myself. I am not a child anymore. Again, as I said, it isn't logical - just 25+ years of mindset trying to creep up over my new one.

the_new_perfect December 21 2008, 01:44:40 UTC

Honey, it's not stupid or illogical at all. It's a strategy that helped you survive. It's just not useful anymore, right? It's great that you're thinking of therapy again... that might help you squeeze out the remaining bad feelings so you can relax and enjoy your growing health and ease in the world. Peace.

stephie1973 December 21 2008, 06:36:23 UTC

Yes, survival is exact but now it's killing me and is no longer useful. Thank you for your kind words.

It isn't illogical. sehrnett December 22 2008, 01:36:34 UTC

It is protective and self defense.

My surgeon told me he thought at least 40% of his patients had abuse or attacks related to attractiveness (i.e rapes, attempted rapes) in their past. I have heard some horrifying things in group.

The thing is to confront it as gently and as best you can. You seem like you're heading in the right direction.

I've found therapy to be SO helpful to me.

Best of luck!

Re: It isn't illogical. stephie1973 December 22 2008, 06:21:55 UTC

Thank you. I want to do this right, meaning, healing comes with mind and body. As my body is transforming, I want my mind to heal as well so there isn't all the background noise in my head, you know? So far, the fear isn't triggered, but I know in the past when I've lost weight, it came flaring up at some very weird times and the pounds came right back on. A therapist session is a must this coming month, certainly, and more to follow if he/she believes it is needed.

blueraccoon December 23 2008, 00:04:37 UTC

When I told my therapist I was thinking about surgery she said "so...what are you going to do if it works?"

I have tremendous fear of success. If there's a way to sabotage myself so I won't succeed, I'll do it. I did it in college, in life, now.

In order for the surgery to be successful I had to first be in a place mentally where I thought I deserved it and where the idea of success wasn't as terrifying or as paralyzing as it once was. It took me years to get there ( ... )