(Untitled)

[wlotus]

I believe it is quite normal to question things and re-examine one's path at pivotal stages of life. The forty-something years are one of those stages. I am getting close to the age where I will not have as many years in front of me as I have behind me. Right now i can still double my age and see living to that number of years. That won't be

Comments

[dynamicgirl]

I totally hear you on that. I feel exactly the same way, but also try to not live thinking of the "what ifs". I find myself comparing myself to younger people thinking "how did they get that insight?" Good on them.

[wlotus]

I find myself comparing myself to younger people thinking "how did they get that insight?"

Oh my goodness, I find myself wondering that A LOT!!!!!!! I don't so much ask why couldn't I have had the same combination of environmental/personality traits to have given me that insight at that age, but I used to ask that a lot.

[jewelsdelphina]

Perhaps slow growth helps give depth to your creativity.

[wlotus]

That is a positive way to look at it. Thank you.

[ladyofthelog]

Much wisdom in this post.

I was reading Kahlil Gibran last night, because sometimes your soul just really needs a hug, and this passage really spoke to me:
Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.

I am grateful to be a witness to your unfolding. <3

[wlotus]

Where you see wisdom I see a lack thereof. (Not in a "bad" way...just in the "searching for wisdom" way, which is good.)

Thank you for honoring my journey.

[e4q]

go you!

some people never do personal work on themselves, spiritual or emotional. such a waste! it's great to have some insight at whatever age. i hope that if i am on my deathbed at 109 i am still learning.

[mallorys_camera]

You've mentioned you had a religious upbringing -- do you still believe in God?

I don't, but I often wish I did. I'm envious of people who say with such certainty, everything that happened to me made me who I am today. I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I feel like most of what's happened to me tried its damnest to make me into someone else.

[wlotus]

I do not believe in God the way I was raised and indoctrinated to believe in God. I believe [insert the name of your favorite deity or your favorite new age phrase here] is another word for the life force found in all living beings. Lately I tend to call it "the collective consciousness". The way I was raised/indoctrinated to believe in God never made sense to me all the way to my core, though I tried my best for the first 30 years of my life to make myself believe in it.

I believe a lot of what has happened to me could have made me into something else. (I know certain people have tried to make me into something else, but life did not and could not. Life as I understand it is just a set of circumstances I can interpret as I will, not a plan consciously developed by some higher power.) However, I have grown to honor and cherish the power I have as an adult to find ways of reclaiming my true self and letting her shine, no matter what I experience.