Wow. FYI, this is not anywhere near to dub-con. There's not even the hint of a question of consent in the main scene, it's a complete non-con/rape scene. Dub-con is "dubious consent." This was a clear cut "no, please stop."
Well, as far as realism goes, it was pretty disturbing, so a well done on that. As for constructive criticism: I think more time should have been spent on Arthur's motivations. Rape is something that, from a "good" character (and I grant that Arthur's a prat, but I think he's still basically a good person), tends to require a lot of justification, in my opinion.
Thank you so much! Yeah, putting it like that you're right. I just set out to make a dub-con, but obviously I did not succeed! Oh well. I was going for disturbing and dark, so I'm glad that worked. I know what you mean for the justification and on one hand I just det out to make a short drabble. On the other I kind of like how Merlin's betrayal acts as this catalyst for bringing out this 'monster' in Arthur that you never normally see. I mean, even he is disgusted with himself and acts as if it didn't even happen. Like another personality. Well that is what I was going for, it probably didn't work! Anyway, that you so much for your thoughtful comment. It means a lot!
I liked the structure of this story, the way you start in the present, with Merlin's reply to Arthur and the way you make clear from there what it was that he's replying to. Then the flashback, and returning to the present. That way we get pulled right into the story.
A small grammatical thing: I'm pretty sure it's 'he was lying on something', not laying.
As for the header: this is non-con and not a doubt about it. In fact I think this is something you'd probably better already change. I'm curious what makes you feel it's dub-con? Also I'd call it dark. Not dark-ish.
Oh good! It is dark, right? I was trying to make it dark, but because it's my writing every time I read it I think it sounds dorky. I was going for dark and disturbing. I will change it now. I am so glad I made it work for you! I put lying, but my beta changed it...hmmmm. I'll change it back, why not? I am so glad you liked the story and thought the structure was interesting. I was trying for something a little different - to throw myself into the writing. Thanks for the comment! I'm happy I actually posted it! w.w.w.
Wow! That was really dark. My goodness. I understand the debate between dub-con and non-con. In my mind, this feels more like dub-con because Merlin could have used his magic at any time to stop Arthur... although then he'd probable have to flee Camelot and thus not fulfill his destiny... still if he's given no choice with regard to his destiny, isn't he as much a slave to it as to Arthur. I suppose it is non-con, but in a way feels a bit like dub-con... not that it matters too much to me, I like the dark stuff
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Wow! Thanks so much! I was going for dark and twisted, so I'm glad that came across. I always think that my 'dark' sounds kind of dorky, so I am glad you understood it and didn't think it was forced...or dorky! I think most people think this is non-con, but to be honest I still think of it as dub-con. Just because that is what I originally wrote it for and because Merlin accepts it as part of his destiny. Exactly! I am happy that you get where I am coming from in this and that it made some sense! Thanks soo much for the review! w.w.w.
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Well, as far as realism goes, it was pretty disturbing, so a well done on that. As for constructive criticism: I think more time should have been spent on Arthur's motivations. Rape is something that, from a "good" character (and I grant that Arthur's a prat, but I think he's still basically a good person), tends to require a lot of justification, in my opinion.
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I know what you mean for the justification and on one hand I just det out to make a short drabble. On the other I kind of like how Merlin's betrayal acts as this catalyst for bringing out this 'monster' in Arthur that you never normally see. I mean, even he is disgusted with himself and acts as if it didn't even happen. Like another personality. Well that is what I was going for, it probably didn't work!
Anyway, that you so much for your thoughtful comment. It means a lot!
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A small grammatical thing: I'm pretty sure it's 'he was lying on something', not laying.
As for the header: this is non-con and not a doubt about it. In fact I think this is something you'd probably better already change. I'm curious what makes you feel it's dub-con? Also I'd call it dark. Not dark-ish.
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I put lying, but my beta changed it...hmmmm. I'll change it back, why not?
I am so glad you liked the story and thought the structure was interesting. I was trying for something a little different - to throw myself into the writing.
Thanks for the comment! I'm happy I actually posted it!
w.w.w.
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coz its like not so subtle outright non-con.
this said, since I absolutely love non-con, I loved this :D
I like how merlin thought at the end, that it was just another side of their rusted coin relationship!
so in terms of review:
this was a great non-con/rape piece.
its just, in relation to merlin and arthur, quite too "out of character" for both.
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w.w.w.
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I think most people think this is non-con, but to be honest I still think of it as dub-con. Just because that is what I originally wrote it for and because Merlin accepts it as part of his destiny.
Exactly! I am happy that you get where I am coming from in this and that it made some sense!
Thanks soo much for the review!
w.w.w.
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Thanks for the comment and sorry for making you sob! :)
w.w.w.
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