11 Reasons, #03 - 11 Reasons He had Lied to Himself (Doctor Who)
Title: 11 Reasons He had Lied to Himself
Author: Wish Wielder
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing / Character Focus: Doctor x Rose
Challenge: 11 Reasons
Theme / Prompt: #3.34 (Music / Sound)
Word Count: N/A
Rating: T / PG-13
Summary: It had taken him two minutes on the parallel of this desolate beach to finally stop lying to himself, and it would take the rest of his life to figure out just why he had ever started in the first place. But, standing on those black rocks and feeling those ghostly imprints of the universe next door, he had a pretty good idea of where to start.
Notes: Set during both S1 & S2, and S3-after. Also: unlike my other thememunity challenges, this fic goes together as one fic. The chapters are related, even if they don’t entirely seem it.
Disclaimer: “Doctor Who” and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Wish Wielder) does not, has never, nor will ever own “Doctor Who”.
11 Reasons He had Lied to Himself
Chapter Three: They Danced, and the Universe Didn’t Implode
“The nanogenes will clean up the mess and fix themselves up - ‘cause I just told ‘em to,” he says, bursting through the doors of the TARDIS and walking up the ramp to the controls. He turns back once, just long enough to make sure she’s still behind him, before continuing his lap around the console. “Nancy and Jamie will go to Doctor Constantine for help, get old - all in all, all things considered, fantastic!”
“Look at you, beaming away like you’re Father Christmas,” she says, and he stops to look at her, taking in her amused smile and twinkling eyes. He gives her the most serious look he can muster, ignoring for a moment the sheer joy thrumming through him.
“Who says I’m not? Red bicycle when you were twelve,” he says, and he moves on to complete his second lap of the console.
“What?” she asks, her face lighting in surprise as he comes back around to face her. He spreads his arms wide, grinning and ignoring her question like he had never said anything suspicious. She didn’t really need to know, did she?
“And everybody lives, Rose - everybody lives!” he cries, throwing his head back and shouting to the high ceiling of his magnificent ship. He twirls back to look at the console, flicking a switch as he prepares to send them off into the vortex. He can barely keep still, and he wonders briefly how she would react if he were to pick her up and spin her around. It seems like a good idea, but he knows he can’t - knows he never could. “I need more days like this!”
“Doctor,” she calls, and he looks back to her, still grinning as he fiddles with the controls.
“Go on, ask me anything - I’m on fire!” he shouts, pumping his fist and giving a jerk - the closest he’ll let himself come to that hug he so desperately wants. He looks back down, and he can feel his body shaking, desperate for something to do to release the euphoric energy.
“What about Jack?” she asks, and he looks up to see her hesitant face. The joy fades just slightly as he remembers the conman, and he can’t help but feel a bit put out at her question. He looks back down, knowing he can’t keep the smile for her, not if it involves Jack. Not if he has to tell her Jack will be fine, just to see her smile again. Not if he can’t help but see Jack as another Adam, ready and waiting to sweep Rose off her feet and away from him. But she’s not his to be swept from, is she? She never can be.
“I think you’re experiencing captain envy.”
Does she have any idea how right she was?
“Why’d he say goodbye?” she asks, but he won’t answer her. He continues to fiddle with controls, plotting a course. He knows exactly what will happen to Jack - he knows Jack won’t survive the explosion. He knows it’s best for her to just forget him, and he knows he won’t even have a him to remember. He won’t let Jack become anything more than some crazy conman that helped them stop gasmask zombies. Besides, why bother, anyway? Jack wanted to dance with Rose. Jack wanted to dance with Rose over and over and over again - Jack wanted to take her away. Jack wanted…
…funny, he doesn’t remember setting the coordinates to lock onto the signal from Jack’s Chula ship…
He looks up at her again, and he gives her a smile - it’s forced, but he has to. He stands and looks at the screen, trying for just a bit longer to ignore the expectant look she’s giving him. She wants an answer; he knows it, but…he doesn’t want to keep Jack hanging around. He didn’t want to keep Adam around, and he really doesn’t want to keep Jack around. Can’t she just get a gerbil or something like normal people?
“We’re on our way to get him, apparently,” he says, and he realizes with a pang that the smile on her face makes it worth it. Even if he has to deal with them…dancing…that one smile makes it worth it. She walks around the console and takes his hands in her own, and he looks at her in surprise. She smiles, and he wonders why he didn’t think of going for Jack in the first place - and then he remembers the smile’s for Jack, not him, and again he feels that pang somewhere in his chest.
“I believe you still owe me a dance,” she says, and he frowns.
“Rose, really - now’s not the -” he starts, but she just shakes her head and he pauses. His eyes roam over her face, from the gold strands curled around her cheeks to the brown eyes watching him just as carefully - to the lips he looks at a bit more than he really should curving in an amused pout. He knows the minute he sees the pout he can’t fight her, and he reaches over to flip a switch on the console. “Moonlight Serenade” plays out through the speakers, and with a delighted smile she leads him closer to the door.
“Sure the universe won’t implode?” she asks, wiggling her eyebrows at him, and he gives her a look.
“Now, look here, Ms. Tyler - I’m quite certain I can and have danced before, and does it look like the universe’s imploded?” he asks, and she laughs as she steps closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder and motioning for him to grab her waist. He feels his hand shaking as he does so - obviously he’s still excited about earlier and the energy just hasn’t worn off yet. Obviously.
“See? Not so bad,” she says as they begin to sway with the music, and he looks down at their feet to realize they aren’t really moving at all. Still, it’s nice, and he can’t say he minds holding her so close. Better him than Jack, and he knows -
“Well, hurry up, then!” she calls over his shoulder, and he nudges her slightly as he hears Jack start to run towards them. They begin to move, and he finds he can’t keep his eyes off her face, loving the way the soft lights of the TARDIS are flickering over her cheeks.
“Good,” she whispers to him, and he smiles just a bit as they continue to dance, really just stepping back and forth in time to the music. He ignores Jack, not quite ready to deal with him just yet and not quite ready to release Rose to him - not yet. They’ll have their dances later; this one is his. Even if it is…
“It’s our song.”
And his mind starts to wander as she tells him to turn, and he jumps as she squeaks and hops away from him. She turns back to him, and he realizes he had twisted her arm, and suddenly he’s not too sure just how he feels about this dancing stuff.
“Ok, ok - try and spin me again, but this time…” she gives him a look, shaking her head, “…don’t get my arm up my back.”
He looks down, shifting as he watches his feet. He knows this - knows he could have spun her properly if he had been thinking just about dancing with her and not how she had danced with Jack to the same song. It was their song - why did he have to flick it on, anyway? Just because he remembered it from the hospital…he can dance. He knows he can.
“No extra points for a half-Nelson,” she says. He looks around, trying to find something on the floor to blame for his mishap - a loose edge of floor, perhaps? - before he looks back to her.
“I’m sure I used to know this stuff,” he says before walking away. He turns back to see her look down, and that’s when he catches a glimpse of Jack, waiting by the rail.
“Close the door, will you? You’re ship’s about to blow up,” he says, trying to ignore the way Rose is walking towards him. Of course she’d go to him for a dance to their song when he makes a mistake. Of course. “There’s gonna be a draft.”
He looks back the controls, flicking a switch as he hears Jack close the doors. At least he knew how to take orders - that was a decided improvement. Still, he was sure a gerbil could listen just as well.
“Welcome to the TARDIS,” he says, noticing with distaste how forced he sounds. He continues to set their destination, frowning as he hears Jack move closer.
“Much bigger on the inside,” Jack says, and he bites back the scowl. Of course he would say that - they always do. A gerbil wouldn’t. Maybe if he just casually suggests it, Rose will find she’d like the gerbil more. She can name the gerbil Jack - and really, won’t that be a decided improvement? And if she wants it to be a captain, it most certainly can be - if this conman can claim the title then a gerbil can, too. He’s beginning to like the sound of Captain Jack the gerbil.
“You better be,” he says, and he imagines Jack with whiskers and fur and button tail, and he decides that yes, it would be an improvement.
“I think what the Doctor’s trying to say is, ‘You may cut in’,” he hears Rose say, and a quick beep makes him realize just how hard he’s gripping the button on the console. He curses the excess energy - what else could it be? - before looking up to see Rose take Jack’s hand, and the TARDIS beeps at him again as his fist tightens.
“I think you’re experiencing captain envy.”
The bloody hell he was.
“Rose!” he calls as they smile at each other, grinning and giggling like lovesick teens, and they look up to him. “I’ve just remembered!”
“What?” she asks, and he grins as he notices Jack’s smile looking forced.
“I can dance!” he says, stepping away from the controls to snap his fingers. He grins at her, sashaying towards her as the opening strands of “In The Mood” plays out. No, he won’t dance with her to their song - but who says they can’t have their own? “I can dance!”
“Actually, Doctor…” she starts, taking a step towards him. He stands just before her, smiling and swinging and snapping in perfect time to the music.
“You want moves, Rose? I’ll give you moves!”
“I thought Jack might like this dance,” she says, and his grin grows just a bit at how put out Jack looks. Serves him right, bloody non-gerbil.
“I’m sure he would, Rose,” he says, stepping back and forth as she nods. “I’m absolutely certain!”
He looks at her, raising his brows once suggestively, and she bites her lip.
“But who with?” it’s all he needs to say, and she looks down to hide her smile as Jack clears his throat. She doesn’t look up until she’s once again in his arms, and it’s that smile he loves so much she’s looking at him with. He grins as they begin to move back and forth, dancing along with the beat and moving away from Jack, who’s watching with a half-amused, half-sulky look from the rail.
It’s their song they’re dancing to, not theirs; this one is for him and her, and he can dance. And the universe isn’t imploding. And to prove it to her, he spins her around - twice, and he doesn’t twist her arm. And they keep moving away as Jack walks closer, and he fights the urge to toss a good “Let’s see you do this, gerbil!” over his shoulder.
He lets go, but they keep dancing - moving closer back together as they walk past the captain’s chair, snapping with the song. And in a flash of fancy footwork he grabs her again, and he pulls her close as they dance closer to where Jack has parked himself. He hears the song coming to an end, and, shooting a quick glance at Jack (one that she’s come to call his “I’m so Impressive” smirk), he dips her, and she lets out a cheer. He sees Jack look away, giving him a quick smile of defeat, before he pulls Rose back up - and they both smile as she leans against him, laughing into his shoulder and not letting go. He finds he rather likes how she doesn’t let go.
“Told you I can dance,” he says, grinning at her as she pulls away slightly to look up at him. And again he feels the energy thrumming through him, and for a moment - just a moment, looking at her flushed cheeks and smiling face - he feels a bit dizzy.
“Nice moves.”
A.n.: The Glenn Miller Story was on TCM the other night, and I swear I’m not being biased when I say the scene where they played “In The Mood” was my favorite part. Just because they kept playing through the air raid, even when the other soldiers started running away screaming. It was awesome, really (and the actor that played Glenn ain’t too shabby looking, either -grin-). More to the point: I had a total blast with this one (can y’all tell, as it’s the longest so far? xP). Theme is “Music / Sound” from table three.
Previous Chapters:
Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two