(no subject)
title; faded from the winter
characters; natasha romanova (black widow), nick fury, matt murdock (daredevil), james "bucky" barnes (the winter soldier), tony stark, clint barton (hawkeye), steve rogers (captain america), carol danvers (ms. marvel)
rated; r
summary; he calls her 'tasha. it's fond, like they're old friends. natasha romanova sets forth to get used to being an american spy. moments in her life as she finds who she is.
She can't get away from it at first. Everything in America just grates against what she was taught, how she was raised. She feels like a fish out of water -- and she is. A Commie on Capitalist soil. And somehow she's got to make it work.
There is comfort found in the strangest place, in Nick Fury. He trusts her to do her job and he believes she can do it. He doesn't second guess her or look at her sideways like every other damn agent in SHIELD. He calls her 'Tasha. It's fond, like they're old friends. There's a a thousand and one different missions he wants to send her on and she wants to do her best at every single one of them.
She wants to prove to the Americans that she can be so much more than Russia's prized Black Widow. That she is Natalia Romanova -- Natasha Romanoff -- and she is proud of where she is. Even when it's hard.
***
The day she realizes she's no longer got an accent is a weird one. There are giant robot bug things attacking New York City and she walks onto the bridge of the helicarrier and barks an order and it is in a flawless American accent and people snap to attention without any hesitation.
They know her now. They know who she is. That Nick Fury gave her this position because she gets the job done. She is one of America's best spies and Russia has no hold on her now.
***
Matt Murdock may be blind but he can do amazing things with his hands and mouth. This is the first time she thinks she might actually be in love since the Winter Solider, since she convinced herself she loved Alexi. He has her bending her back in pleasure and gasping out into the still night air.
It's not quiet here, not in Hell's Kitchen, and she hates laying awake at night there, tingling with the anticipation that some gang war is going to break out just outside Matt's window, but she doesn't tell him that. He won't leave here and he only very reluctantly stays at her place. He says it feels strange. Not enough noise. Too perfect.
She tells him that's just all the equipment SHIELD has stuck in there to protect her. That he would be better off if they installed something in his place too. He answers with a smirk and says only one SHIELD agent will ever be allowed in here and then he kisses her again, his fingers pressing against her.
When she wakes up the next morning, there's a note on the bedside table from Nick Fury with a quip about how Murdock should be more careful about what he says. SHIELD is everywhere and if she thought Fury was capable of it, he'd probably wink at her while telling her that.
But when Nick Fury winks, it's simply a blink, and then it means nothing.
***
Things deteriorate between Matt and herself. It's after she switches faces with Yelena, to teach her a lesson. He doesn't approve. Too many sleepless nights and arguments end their relationship and she moves everything back to her own apartment. She feels safer here, anyway.
The picture of Alexi (i still can't believe you said yes) stays on her mantle and the one of her and Matt comes down and into a box. Every part of her life could be neatly boxed and set aside.
It's the way she's always lived. Ready to bounce back and start anew at any given notice.
It doesn't stop her from pressing a pillow against her face and crying her first night alone in months. Sometimes being a Black Widow is just a little too lonely for her tastes.
***
Natasha goes with Tony Stark to some function, paraded on his arm in a too-tight dress and her hair pinned precariously on top of her head. His hands wander when he thinks she's had enough to drink but it only takes two glares and a quick pinch of a nerve cluster in his hand to make him stop. Pepper leans around him, her hand on Happy's arm, and asks her to teach her that some time.
Tony tells them they're not allowed to hang out ever.
A day later, she's holding on to him as he catches her mid-drop from a building in the middle of Manhattan. This week's Big Fight knocked her off and she couldn't get herself to safety in time but Stark was there, Iron Man in all of his shiny glory.
She jokes that she'll have bruises forever now, with the force of impact into his metal body and his laugh is mechanical sounding through the suit and she turns her head to shield herself from the wind. He sets her down next to Cap and the fighting begins again.
***
She and Clint haven't had a relationship in years but they drank far too much tonight but even she knows it's not a good enough excuse for why he's got her pinned against a wall, her hands above her head as he drags his mouth down her throat.
There's Russian mixed in with English (yes, ah, yes, da nemnogo, da) as she moans into the air, trying to keep quiet in the mansion. They're not alone here, never alone here, but it's been far too long since she's done this with him.
When she comes, she muffles her groan into his shoulder with a resounding nemnogo bol'she, and she leans against him, limp and languid, breathing heavy, red hair plastered to her face and he pulls back and grins at her.
They don't do it again. He's dead a few weeks later anyway, thanks to the Scarlet Witch's meltdown. Tasha mourns him with a bottle of vodka and a soft prayer in Russian.
They're superheroes, she tells herself, no one dies for long.
***
They're superheroes. Everyone shows up again at some point.
She's staring at James Buchanan Barnes like he's got three extra heads instead of just one metal arm and a gun in his hand. He's a ghost from her past and her heart seizes. Her Winter Soldier. She thinks she might faint.
Instead she aims a kick at his head. And he gives her a concussion and steals Captain America's shield.
Tony's not the only one that confronts her about not winning. Carol's there too, arms crossed, in her Ms. Marvel uniform, looking disapproving and annoying all at the same time. Natasha puts ice on her swollen eye and glares at her.
"What? You think I did this on purpose?"
"Who was he to you?"
"A teacher. We're both just...weapons. Leave it, Carol. He taught me part of what I know. Can't blame me for losing to my teacher."
Before she leaves, Carol tells her a student is supposed to surpass her teacher and Natasha fantasizes about smashing Carol's head into the wall.
***
It's a month after James takes up Captain America's shield, a month after they kissed again for the first time since before she married Alexi.
They had dinner and Natasha can't help but feel that Tony Stark or Carol Danvers, one of them, someone is watching them. To see what she does, just how invested in James Barnes but she can't seem to care at all at this point. His fingers are entwined with hers as they eat an appetizer, fighting over who gets the last mozzarella stick.
He lifts her hand to his mouth and against her skin he tells her he has missed her. That she is all that is good from his time as the Winter Soldier. That he has always -- and never stopped -- loving her. It's his moment of weakness, one she can allow him because he is saying all the words she wishes she was strong enough to say.
Her own admission is softer and in Russian, so only he will understand it (ya tak lublu tebya) and even though he flinches (and she understands why, Russia is not a time either wants to truly remember) his hand tightens around hers again and he yanks her forward, across the table, to crush his mouth against hers.
They don't stay for their dinner. They pay for the appetizer and wine and they leave and on the back of James' motorcycle, she feels like she's flying. One hand on his waist, the other cruises through the night air before pushing her hair out of her eyes. He pulls her upstairs and before he shuts the door of his room (Steve's room) he tells her she's beautiful.
In Russia, their time together was always quick and nervous that some Red Room official would come barging in if they were too loud. Here, now, in America, in safety, they take their time. She laughs as his metal hand when it tickles her inner thigh, hissing that it's cold and that Nick Fury should have given him something more synthetic.
He pulls back with a grin and sighs. "Please don't mention Nick Fury in my bed." He pauses before drawing his lips down her neck. "Our bed."
It sounds right, it sounds perfect. She could stay here in bed with him forever. James drives her to the edge over and over again before finally, finally she crests over the edge and her fingernails leave marks in his back as she comes, her breath hitching. His hands are tight at her hips and when he collapses into her, he feels...right. She wants him here. More than she has ever wanted anyone in her arms.
He looks up at her, sleepy and happy and murmurs "Ya lublu tebya"
***
When Steve comes back, he asks her what her intentions are toward Bucky. And it's so...strange, she almost laughs. But he is Captain America (even if James is wielding the shield) and you don't laugh at him.
So she talks of a love that is timeless and true and by the end of it, his hand is on her shoulder and he squeezes and she feels like she just got the okay from Bucky's father. It's a weird sense but it's nice.
From across the room, Clint asks if they do any dirty talk in Russian. She shoots him a glare that slides into a soft smile when James picks her up from behind and hugs her, murmuring Natalia loud enough for Clint to hear. They laugh as one, the entire group.
It's a family. And she's in it. And she's home. She can't remember what it felt like to be that confused and weirded out girl spy from Russia. In her mind, America and its inhabitants have always been her home. She just hadn't realized it when she was younger.
We're superheroes, she tells herself. All that matters is now.
***
dasvidanija
characters; natasha romanova (black widow), nick fury, matt murdock (daredevil), james "bucky" barnes (the winter soldier), tony stark, clint barton (hawkeye), steve rogers (captain america), carol danvers (ms. marvel)
rated; r
summary; he calls her 'tasha. it's fond, like they're old friends. natasha romanova sets forth to get used to being an american spy. moments in her life as she finds who she is.
She can't get away from it at first. Everything in America just grates against what she was taught, how she was raised. She feels like a fish out of water -- and she is. A Commie on Capitalist soil. And somehow she's got to make it work.
There is comfort found in the strangest place, in Nick Fury. He trusts her to do her job and he believes she can do it. He doesn't second guess her or look at her sideways like every other damn agent in SHIELD. He calls her 'Tasha. It's fond, like they're old friends. There's a a thousand and one different missions he wants to send her on and she wants to do her best at every single one of them.
She wants to prove to the Americans that she can be so much more than Russia's prized Black Widow. That she is Natalia Romanova -- Natasha Romanoff -- and she is proud of where she is. Even when it's hard.
***
The day she realizes she's no longer got an accent is a weird one. There are giant robot bug things attacking New York City and she walks onto the bridge of the helicarrier and barks an order and it is in a flawless American accent and people snap to attention without any hesitation.
They know her now. They know who she is. That Nick Fury gave her this position because she gets the job done. She is one of America's best spies and Russia has no hold on her now.
***
Matt Murdock may be blind but he can do amazing things with his hands and mouth. This is the first time she thinks she might actually be in love since the Winter Solider, since she convinced herself she loved Alexi. He has her bending her back in pleasure and gasping out into the still night air.
It's not quiet here, not in Hell's Kitchen, and she hates laying awake at night there, tingling with the anticipation that some gang war is going to break out just outside Matt's window, but she doesn't tell him that. He won't leave here and he only very reluctantly stays at her place. He says it feels strange. Not enough noise. Too perfect.
She tells him that's just all the equipment SHIELD has stuck in there to protect her. That he would be better off if they installed something in his place too. He answers with a smirk and says only one SHIELD agent will ever be allowed in here and then he kisses her again, his fingers pressing against her.
When she wakes up the next morning, there's a note on the bedside table from Nick Fury with a quip about how Murdock should be more careful about what he says. SHIELD is everywhere and if she thought Fury was capable of it, he'd probably wink at her while telling her that.
But when Nick Fury winks, it's simply a blink, and then it means nothing.
***
Things deteriorate between Matt and herself. It's after she switches faces with Yelena, to teach her a lesson. He doesn't approve. Too many sleepless nights and arguments end their relationship and she moves everything back to her own apartment. She feels safer here, anyway.
The picture of Alexi (i still can't believe you said yes) stays on her mantle and the one of her and Matt comes down and into a box. Every part of her life could be neatly boxed and set aside.
It's the way she's always lived. Ready to bounce back and start anew at any given notice.
It doesn't stop her from pressing a pillow against her face and crying her first night alone in months. Sometimes being a Black Widow is just a little too lonely for her tastes.
***
Natasha goes with Tony Stark to some function, paraded on his arm in a too-tight dress and her hair pinned precariously on top of her head. His hands wander when he thinks she's had enough to drink but it only takes two glares and a quick pinch of a nerve cluster in his hand to make him stop. Pepper leans around him, her hand on Happy's arm, and asks her to teach her that some time.
Tony tells them they're not allowed to hang out ever.
A day later, she's holding on to him as he catches her mid-drop from a building in the middle of Manhattan. This week's Big Fight knocked her off and she couldn't get herself to safety in time but Stark was there, Iron Man in all of his shiny glory.
She jokes that she'll have bruises forever now, with the force of impact into his metal body and his laugh is mechanical sounding through the suit and she turns her head to shield herself from the wind. He sets her down next to Cap and the fighting begins again.
***
She and Clint haven't had a relationship in years but they drank far too much tonight but even she knows it's not a good enough excuse for why he's got her pinned against a wall, her hands above her head as he drags his mouth down her throat.
There's Russian mixed in with English (yes, ah, yes, da nemnogo, da) as she moans into the air, trying to keep quiet in the mansion. They're not alone here, never alone here, but it's been far too long since she's done this with him.
When she comes, she muffles her groan into his shoulder with a resounding nemnogo bol'she, and she leans against him, limp and languid, breathing heavy, red hair plastered to her face and he pulls back and grins at her.
They don't do it again. He's dead a few weeks later anyway, thanks to the Scarlet Witch's meltdown. Tasha mourns him with a bottle of vodka and a soft prayer in Russian.
They're superheroes, she tells herself, no one dies for long.
***
They're superheroes. Everyone shows up again at some point.
She's staring at James Buchanan Barnes like he's got three extra heads instead of just one metal arm and a gun in his hand. He's a ghost from her past and her heart seizes. Her Winter Soldier. She thinks she might faint.
Instead she aims a kick at his head. And he gives her a concussion and steals Captain America's shield.
Tony's not the only one that confronts her about not winning. Carol's there too, arms crossed, in her Ms. Marvel uniform, looking disapproving and annoying all at the same time. Natasha puts ice on her swollen eye and glares at her.
"What? You think I did this on purpose?"
"Who was he to you?"
"A teacher. We're both just...weapons. Leave it, Carol. He taught me part of what I know. Can't blame me for losing to my teacher."
Before she leaves, Carol tells her a student is supposed to surpass her teacher and Natasha fantasizes about smashing Carol's head into the wall.
***
It's a month after James takes up Captain America's shield, a month after they kissed again for the first time since before she married Alexi.
They had dinner and Natasha can't help but feel that Tony Stark or Carol Danvers, one of them, someone is watching them. To see what she does, just how invested in James Barnes but she can't seem to care at all at this point. His fingers are entwined with hers as they eat an appetizer, fighting over who gets the last mozzarella stick.
He lifts her hand to his mouth and against her skin he tells her he has missed her. That she is all that is good from his time as the Winter Soldier. That he has always -- and never stopped -- loving her. It's his moment of weakness, one she can allow him because he is saying all the words she wishes she was strong enough to say.
Her own admission is softer and in Russian, so only he will understand it (ya tak lublu tebya) and even though he flinches (and she understands why, Russia is not a time either wants to truly remember) his hand tightens around hers again and he yanks her forward, across the table, to crush his mouth against hers.
They don't stay for their dinner. They pay for the appetizer and wine and they leave and on the back of James' motorcycle, she feels like she's flying. One hand on his waist, the other cruises through the night air before pushing her hair out of her eyes. He pulls her upstairs and before he shuts the door of his room (Steve's room) he tells her she's beautiful.
In Russia, their time together was always quick and nervous that some Red Room official would come barging in if they were too loud. Here, now, in America, in safety, they take their time. She laughs as his metal hand when it tickles her inner thigh, hissing that it's cold and that Nick Fury should have given him something more synthetic.
He pulls back with a grin and sighs. "Please don't mention Nick Fury in my bed." He pauses before drawing his lips down her neck. "Our bed."
It sounds right, it sounds perfect. She could stay here in bed with him forever. James drives her to the edge over and over again before finally, finally she crests over the edge and her fingernails leave marks in his back as she comes, her breath hitching. His hands are tight at her hips and when he collapses into her, he feels...right. She wants him here. More than she has ever wanted anyone in her arms.
He looks up at her, sleepy and happy and murmurs "Ya lublu tebya"
***
When Steve comes back, he asks her what her intentions are toward Bucky. And it's so...strange, she almost laughs. But he is Captain America (even if James is wielding the shield) and you don't laugh at him.
So she talks of a love that is timeless and true and by the end of it, his hand is on her shoulder and he squeezes and she feels like she just got the okay from Bucky's father. It's a weird sense but it's nice.
From across the room, Clint asks if they do any dirty talk in Russian. She shoots him a glare that slides into a soft smile when James picks her up from behind and hugs her, murmuring Natalia loud enough for Clint to hear. They laugh as one, the entire group.
It's a family. And she's in it. And she's home. She can't remember what it felt like to be that confused and weirded out girl spy from Russia. In her mind, America and its inhabitants have always been her home. She just hadn't realized it when she was younger.
We're superheroes, she tells herself. All that matters is now.
***
dasvidanija