(no subject)
Title: Realizations
Author: yoiebear
Pairing: Will/Elizabeth
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: I wish I could have just one moment where the film is mine, but, alas, I’m still poor.
Feedback: Sure! I love to find out what people think of my writing.
Archive: If you must, ask.
Thanks:
veronica_rich for extensive help and direction with
ajmenden and
stabbycutlass for direction, comment and encouragement.
All mistakes are my own.
A part of the disjointed series including Coming Home, Aztec Chocolate, and Baby Steps.
Will had no idea how to respond or react to the news when Elizabeth took a deep breath as they cleaned the ballroom after a fencing practice. She had calmly and evenly told him she was with child and was terribly unsure of how it occurred through their preventative steps. When he too took a calming breath and reminded her of his stance on more children since Kate’s birth three years before, Elizabeth had no idea they would be the last words he would speak to her for several days.
Exactly one week and four days after the news broke, just as Will had begun to accept that there was going to be another child and started talking to Elizabeth in full sentences, Elizabeth felt a sharp cramp in her lower abdomen as Will parried from a thrust of her blade while they sparred in the back garden, secluded by bushes, trees, and flowers. The pain of the spasm was enough to knock the wind from her lungs as she clutched her belly and fell to the ground. With her left knee in the plush grass and her right foot a pace away, Elizabeth knelt in the spot she had stood as she caught her breath when the pain passed.
When Will helped her to her feet - he had rushed to her side as quickly as he could - she was shaky and her skin felt clammy. “I don’t know what happened, Will. I’m better now.”
It was with those words Elizabeth noticed the fear in her husband’s eyes. “What is it?”
The words “you’re bleeding” were the last she heard before another strong pain hit and blackness enveloped her.
When Elizabeth woke in her bed surrounded by Charlotte and the midwife Missus Baines, she realized what had happened. She had heard such things were common, but since she’d had no trouble carrying Nick or Kate she thought this one would be just as easy.
“Ahh, dearie, ya feelin’ better?” the midwife felt Elizabeth’s forehead. “I’ve sad news. Ya’ve lost tha babe. Mister Turner said it was just a few weeks and that means things will be fine. Ya can try again fer a healthy one in no time.” With that, the older woman pressed a small bottle into Charlotte’s hand and left the room.
Charlotte looked at her niece with pain and confusion written across her face. “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby, Elizabeth? I could have helped.”
“Helped? Charlotte, it wasn’t yet three months. There was nothing for you to help with. Also, I was waiting for Will to come to terms with it. Will isn’t exactly pleased about a child that was unplanned. Or at least wasn’t pleased.” Elizabeth looked at her hands in her lap before she brushed away tears. “I hadn’t meant to get with child, but when I realized. . . I fell in love with it.”
Charlotte crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Elizabeth into her arms until the tears dried and the younger woman fell asleep.
During the next two days, Elizabeth was only allowed out of bed in the presence of either Charlotte or Will per the midwife’s orders. She often told stories to Kate and helped Nick with his lessons, but had not truly spoken to her husband since the tense moment two weeks before when the now lost child had been made known. It was not as if the couple had not spoken in that time; when he was in the room helping her bathe or bringing her meals, Will would tell Elizabeth about Nick’s swordsmanship and Kate’s newest antics with the kittens in the garden. Although they spoke, tension continued to build. Both felt the strain and neither wanted to break it for fear of what would occur.
It was as Will helped Elizabeth prepare for bed on the eve of the third day that the glass dropped.
“I’m so sorry, Will. I. . . I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
His response was meant to be remorseful and loving, for he had rehearsed it in his mind countless times since she told him of the child and the tone had only softened after the miscarriage. What Elizabeth heard was harsh and on the brink of callous. “About which part? Getting with child or worrying me in the garden?”
“I did not do any of this on purpose! I was just as surprised as you to realize I was with child and I had no desire to lose it. I wanted that baby, Will. Besides, you and I both know I didn’t make it alone.” She stood from the bathing tub and reached for the robe not far from her.
Will waited a few moments before he stood from the tub-side chair and followed Elizabeth into the bedchamber. Before he could squeak out an apology or words of encouragement, she turned to him.
“I have no idea why you’ve been so angry with me. I did nothing you didn’t do.”
“What does that mean?!” Will stood from the chair and looked at Elizabeth, who had just laid down in bed. “Something had to have been done to get you with child.”
“It’s called fucking, Will! You were there, too! I can’t do something like that alone.”
Will walked to the side of the bed and looked down at his wife with fire in his eyes. “Really? I don’t ever remember fucking, Elizabeth.” In truth, Will remembered being intimate, but had never once thought of those moments as something as crude and disassociative as mere fucking. “And I know I was there! I just think maybe you didn’t take the precautions we’d discussed. Jesus!”
“Get out! How dare you, William Turner?! Leave right this minute!”
With that, Will walked to the door and before he continued into the hall, he turned to her.
Just as he opened his mouth to tell her to calm down, Elizabeth shouted. “What are you always doing in here?! If it’s not you it’s Charlotte. The only time I’m alone is when I’m asleep and even then you’re here watching me. I need to be alone for a few moments, Will.”
“Fine!” was all he yelled before he moved into the hall and slammed the bedroom door.
He decided a stiff drink was in order, but as he entered the kitchen, he realized his mistake.
Charlotte sat at the table, a nearly empty glass of rum in one hand and a tobacco pipe in the other. “Those were harsh words, William.”
Will sat across from the older woman and took the open rum bottle from the table before he had a long drink. “From both of us, Charlotte. I let her anger get the better of me.”
“I’m not saying Elizabeth didn’t start the argument, she has her mother’s temper. I always felt terrible for Weatherby - first with Lucy and then with Lizzie.” Charlotte took a drag from the pipe and slowly exhaled before she continued. “She didn’t plan another child, Will. I promise you that. If she had, she would have at least told me.”
Will sighed deeply before he took another long drink and placed the bottle back on the table. “I know.” His head ended up in his hands as his elbows rested on the distressed wood table. “I know she didn’t get with child on purpose. I know because I remember when it happened. It was my fault - the child and Elizabeth’s pain.”
Charlotte put the pipe down and leaned across the table to Will as her eyes narrowed. “You planned the child?”
Will’s eyes widened with her question as he looked up at her. “No! I just remember when it happened and that was my fault.” He took another drink. “We’d been paying attention to her cycle for the past 18 months and using the salve. We tried the barrier a few times and were both so frustrated with it we burned it in the fire.” He smiled at the memory of Elizabeth’s laughter as the sheep’s intestine disappeared into the flames.
Following a few moments of silence, Charlotte prodded for more. “How did you cause the baby, Will?”
His glazed eyes met hers. “I persisted even when she told me it wasn’t a good time. We’d used the last of the salve a few days before and I hadn’t had the chance to get more. I was certain everything would be fine. I coerced her until she said yes.”
Charlotte refilled her glass and took a drink before she answered. “You need to talk to her without the yelling. And you need to tell her exactly what you told me. She’s worried about your anger towards her for the pregnancy.”
Will sighed. “I wasn’t angry with her at all. I was angry at myself for doing this to her. I didn’t mean to take it out on her.”
He stood and left the room to speak with Elizabeth and set things straight, but by the time he reached their chamber, she was asleep. As he moved closer to the bed Will heard Elizabeth’s light snoring and noticed the empty wine glass with a small dreg of red wine in the bottom. When he smelled the glass he noticed a light scent of laudanum. Knowing he would not be able to wake her, Will quickly and quietly changed into his sleep shirt, grabbed his bed pillow and moved into the guest room typically reserved for Jack for the night.
While he was nearly certain Elizabeth received more sleep than he, Will rose as sky lightend with the first sun rays of the day. In an effort to keep anger and argument at bay, Will first went to the kitchen and prepared tea and toast before he took it to Elizabeth.
When he entered the room she was sitting up and reading a book of Shakespeare sonnets. He noted a slight look of surprise in her eyes when she noticed it was Will and not Charlotte behind the tea. Elizabeth went back to the book as he placed the tray on her bedside table. It was not until he sat on his empty side of the bed and gently urged the book to her lap did Elizabeth turn her attention to Will.
Ever the opportunist, Will spoke first.
“I’m sorry. For all of it; every word, every cold shoulder. And especially accusing you of getting with child on purpose.”
“It was as much my fault as yours, Will.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “If I hadn’t wanted another child, I could have turned you away that night. Yes, I remember when it happened. I can tell by looking in your eyes that you do, too.”
“How could I not? I begged and caressed you until you relented. I should have listened to you. And I knew you wanted another child, even if you never told me.”
Her eyes shot up and her lips slightly parted before she answered in a slightly accusatory tone. “You mean to tell me that you knew I wanted a baby and didn’t let me know you knew?”
Will’s eyes again met hers with sorrow. “I could tell in the way you watched Kate walk and just little things. I was waiting for you to tell me, Elizabeth. I would have been willing to talk it over.”
Her tone softened as she looked down at her hands, which now held the closed book. “But you still would have said no.”
“I won’t now.”
Elizabeth’s head shot up as she looked at Will. “What?”
His lips curled into a slight grin as he pulled his legs onto the bed and put his left arm around her shoulders. “Before this…” Will motioned to the bed. “I was getting used to the idea of another baby. Another little you we could watch grow up. I fell in love with it, Elizabeth.”
Will noticed tears gather in her eyes as her hands pressed against his cheeks. It was after she soundly kissed him that Elizabeth answered. “So, we’re going to have another baby?”
He smiled and kissed her nose. “If you can cope with me not being able to take my hands off you.”