Echo of Dusk - Chapter XI
Title: Echo of Dusk
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner:
Chapter: [11/25?]
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU
Summary: Two men met one cold, winters day. One, a cook's assistant, the other a young lawyer. The year was 1950, when this instant attraction occurred... However, the threat of civil war loomed and the two found themselves faced with the risk of separation. Yunho swore he'd protect JaeJoong at all cost...but can he really?
A/N: Currently in a bizarre state of mind...just found out that my brother is the same height as Changmin/Yunho. DO YOU KNOW HOW SHORT I'D LOOK NEXT TO THEM?!!! T___T
(And woah, I forgot to say last week that: HO MY GOD I MADE IT INTO DOUBLE DIGITS, IT'S A MIRACLE! :P)
OST for this chapter:
Make Me Crazy - Scandal’us (4.05MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
YunJae flirting song…
I can't deny, I love the way I'm all mixed up inside
It feels so right coz it's you now baby
You lift me up, tear me down, still I love you more…
It had almost been a week since the North Korean rebels had threatened JaeJoong to almost devastating extremes. I could barely think back to that horrendous time …knowing how close my JaeJoong had been to death. If my mind so much as tried to replay through the scenes again, I would immediately shut it down because I knew that I was not ready to think about such a cold, meaningless world without him there with me.
Although I had cut his hair in the river to his favoured length - not too long but not crazily short either, it had not helped his assimilation into the camp. I had hoped that maybe if his appearance was one of familiarity, then he would feel more comfortable…but now he was even worse.
I could not blame anyone but those North Korean rebels. Although JaeJoong tried to act like he was fine and the entire world was sunny and dandy, he couldn’t fool me. I could see how badly that attack had damaged him mentally. Now, he wouldn’t sleep at all. Whenever I got up, it was his normal signal (in his nocturnal habits) to finally sleep. He would shut his eyes until I left the tent but then he would simply reopen them again and spend the entire day wide awake and alert. I could tell because of his complexion. Did he think I was that stupid? The bags tainting his exquisite eyes were scarily prominent.
But what could I do? The first attack had occurred at night…the second in the day. He didn’t feel safe anymore in any hour of the day. I needed to protect him better! But he refused my offer of making MinWoo or one of the others stand guard outside the tent. He claimed he didn’t want to put them out, but never-the-less I backed off the idea - I had forgotten how alarmed he felt with close proximity to strangers. Whether I trusted them or not was irrelevant to his chaotic brain.
Surely there was something I could do for him!
As I slid into bed next to JaeJoong, I pretended I hadn’t noticed his questioning gaze of apprehension at my prolonged silence. Ever since the evening of the second attack, JaeJoong had let me (or rather, ‘urged’ me) to reclaim my bed. As long as it was only me lying with him, he felt comfortable enough.
I pulled the shabby cover over the both of us and waited until JaeJoong fidgeted around to a more comfortable position before I blew the candle out, dispelling all light from our faces. He always chose to sleep against the tent’s back wall, whilst I took the side exposed to the entranceway. The dodgy bunk was quite small so we barely could move with two in the bed - we’d felt the pathetic amount of space was a bonus when we had first become a couple, but now it was a little awkward for JaeJoong.
I accidentally fell asleep in the position of a sloppy embrace, somewhat limiting JaeJoong’s movement. I only realised when I woke up, on the cusp of dripping saliva over his shoulder. My eyes widened and I sheepishly set to freeing my boyfriend.
Half my arm was stuck under him as well as my foot. How on earth did I get so tangled? I needed to seriously monitor my nightly sleeping behaviour! But I stopped my attempt to free myself once I caught sight of his face. It was blank. Vacant. Empty. Peaceful.
He was asleep!
Had my foot lying underneath his knee somehow triggered the mythical snooze button? Of course not. But I was so relieved and joyous to see him finally sleeping after so many days, that my thoughts had become insanely quirky.
There were plenty of tasks that needed to be done - bathe myself before duty, dress, make breakfast, go to the loo etc., but I couldn’t do a thing! If I moved one inch I was worried that I’d wake the exhausted man up!
As time flew on, the consequence of lying like this began to take its toll. I bit onto my spare hand to numb the sensation of my trapped arm stinging with pins and needles, and tried to ignore my bladder threatening to explode. No, not leak, explode.
But eventually I knew something had to be done; I couldn’t keep going on like this. Either I’d move and wake my boyfriend up, or I’d urinate on my boyfriend and wake him up anyway! Clearly the former was my only option.
I gritted my teeth and carefully tried to slide my arm out from under him but he was surprisingly heavy when he slept. “JaeJoong,” I quietly whined in helplessness, “help me out here! I love you enough not to pee on you, but you’re leaving me with no choice!”
“Mm.”
“JaeJoongie,” I expressed in relief. “Slide over.”
“Whaarr…” he mumbled into the pillow.
“I’m about to pee on you.”
“EWW!” he exclaimed, his eyes flinging open in horror.
“Thank you!” I grinned, yanking my arm and foot back and bolting outside.
“You weren’t joking!” JaeJoong exclaimed in wonder as I stumbled back into my tent. “I thought you were testing out some eccentric, new wake up call.”
“I never joke about the bladder,” I replied with a smile. “Sleep well?”
“…yes.” He sounded so bitter, it was almost enough to make me laugh.
“Fancy giving it another try?”
“You are joking?”
I sighed and sat down onto the empty space on the bed as I tied my boots. “Your fears are so strong they override your normal bodily function,” I mused, “but too much lack of sleep overrides even your fears now. It’s your body’s way of telling you that it urgently needs sleep.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” he snapped.
“I’m not. Your body is though.”
“You’re the spokesman for my body now?!” he demanded.
“Extra grouchiness is a symptom of lack of sleep,” I pointed out teasingly, already regretting my words before I had a chance to keep quiet.
“Piss off.”
Ah there it was…the backlash from teasing a helpless, sleepless victim.
Sighing, I got off the bed. He was definitely in one of his moods and I didn’t have time to deal with it.
I stubbornly bent down to give him a kiss before I left but even that was a reluctant action from him. Blowing softly onto his nose in apology I made him squirm and stole yet another kiss from him. Laughing at how easily he forgave me, I made my exit.
A few soldiers waved to me as I collected food for my breakfast. One was reading an old newspaper his family had sent him. I stared at him as I bit into my bread.
“Can I read that after you?” I asked politely.
“Whatever you want, Major. You don’t need to ask…you’re a Major…”
“Oh, you’re right,” I said thoughtfully. “Give me the friggen newspaper or I’ll drown your sorry ass in the river. Better?” I grinned.
“Couldn’t have abused my power any better, Major!”
Smiling, I grabbed some breakfast for my irritable boyfriend.
I was only half way towards my tent when I stopped in my tracks. Something had just occurred to me in that early morning air. A way to help JaeJoong…
~~~~ ~~~~
“So, let me get this straight…” I began, staring unwaveringly up at Yunho. “You want me to sleep.”
“Yes,” he replied with a nod.
“And you want me to pretend I am just a tired human being, immune to all fears… Have I got this right?”
“Yes.”
“Oh sure, whatever you want, honey!” I quipped.
“Don’t be like that,” Yunho laughed, squeezing in next to me on the small bed.
“You’re asking a blind man to see.”
“No I’m not. I’m asking an idiot to sleep. There’s a difference.”
“Idiot, huh...” My temper was raging - Yunho always managed to press just the right combination of buttons to piss me off.
I glared at him as I saw him moving closer.
“NO!” I yelled. “You cannot wipe this insulting statement under the carpet by cuddling me!”
“Come to oppa.”*
“STOP IT!” I begged, trying to move away from his wandering arms, only to crash against the back of the tent. I began hitting him, trying to stop the grin I could feel about to explode on my face.
“You cannot win this war by aegyo! Smile at someone who actually cares,” I grunted, covering up his mouth with my hand in self defence.
“Of course I can win,” he mumbled into my palm.
“Smiling at the communists will not get you anywhere. The war will continue to rage on and I will laugh at you!”
“Still, it’s a better tactic than yours ever were.”
“Excuse me?”
“Ahh yes,” he began, ending his attack on me, to lie back down. I stayed sitting where I was, suspiciously.
“Back in the good old days of pre-captain…”
“Yes…?”
“There were lots of marvellous stories floating around amongst us officers about the Miracle Boy. I heard that this amazing boy had an inventive way of loading his pistol! It was something none of us had even considered doing before! Putting the bullets in through the barrel was clearly brilliance at its best! Who even needs to hold a gun upright so the bullets don’t fall back out again! We can just fling them back out of the barrel like a tennis ball and hope it flies far enough! Who needs a trigger! Gosh, what a useless invention and a waste of metal.”
“I did not do that!” I complained.
“And there was another one. Apparently the Miracle Boy worked best with hand grenades. He threw it out in what some might call ‘excited miscalculation’…and dived down like the perfect trainee. But then there was nothing….no noise, no heat, no destruction. Miracle Boy didn’t need to set the grenade off by pulling the pin out first. He could just throw it like a baseball and hope it knocks someone out cold!”
“That did not happen!” I growled in disgust.
“You do realise that if grenades could work without pulling the pin out, you’d be dead by just holding it.”
“I’m not stupid! You’re just spewing out crap and trying to make it sound like it was all my idiocy!”
“The last story is a killer,” he ignored me. “Apparently, after the trainee’s obstacle course, when Miracle Boy stood up from the mud, his pants fell off.”
“Now that is a blatant lie! Who the hell said that!?” I yelled.
Yunho burst out laughing at the look of appal on my face and pointed at himself, cackling too loud to speak.
“You started a rumour about me?!” I shrieked. “Traitor!”
“It’s love!”
“It’s dirty, disgusting, sickening betrayal!”
“Calm down, JaeJoongie, I didn’t start any rumour. You’re so quick to judge!” he chuckled, staring up at me with those cheeky eyes of his.
I pouted and stared back at him. “It’s not nice to tease someone like that.”
“Mmhmm.”
“And just so you know…it was a rifle not a pistol.”
“Ooh hoo!” he exclaimed, pulling me down onto him, “Miracle Boy admits his identity, it in the flesh!”
“I’m proud of being incapable!”
“Not many would be, you know. Being known as a walking disaster zone…ouch.”
“I hate you!” I laughed.
“I hate you~~” he echoed, tickling my sides.
“S-S-t-top i-it!” I demanded, squirming ridiculously on top of him.
“Not until you agree to my siesta advice!”
“Never!”
“Pardon?” he asked innocently, ignoring my helpless, flailing demeanour and tickling with even less mercy.
“Okay you asshole!” I yelled, giggling at his unrelenting fingers.
He stopped his attack and welcomed me as I fell downwards onto his chest. I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath. He was already trying to lull me to sleep by playing cutely with my hair, but I refused to give in until I had laid all my cards out.
“If I am to agree, there must be a compromise,” I smugly insisted, resting my chin on his diaphragm.
“State your compromise, sir.”
“I know it’s near the end of your lunch break, but I don’t care. You have to promise, agree, pledge and swear to fulfil this oath that you will NOT under any circumstances leave the premises.”
“I promise,” he groaned. “Jeez JaeJoongie, why do I feel like I’m back in the courtroom with my client…”
“Because I am being serious. This isn’t some light-hearted game; it’s as serious as the law. If you break the law, you feel the consequences,” I insisted, hammering my fist into his chest for emphasis.
“Suck all the emotion out of our relationship!” he teased. “I’m supposed to be the evil lawyer, not you.”
“You think you’re the only on who has those skills?”
He sighed, perhaps sensing he was starting to walk on egg shells.
“Just admit you’re too afraid to fall asleep without me here.”
“I will not!” I declared, angrily pushing myself off him as he tried to keep me captive in his arms again for a kiss.
“Say: I, Kim JaeJoong need Jung Yunho.”
“I, Kim JaeJoong…” I repeated, allowing the smirk to reappear on my face. “Need Jung Yunho…to get a reality check.”
“Crude words, old man.”
“Truthful words, young hooligan,” I countered, amused at how many of our fights often turned to the direction of age-given authority.
“Twelve days difference!” he moaned.
“Twelve days too late, Yunho. Don’t cry to me, cry to your mummy and daddy who-”
“OKAY, I don’t need those details, JaeJoong!” he groaned.
But I couldn’t help teasing him now that I had him right where I wanted him. He wasn’t the only one who had such an annoying talent.
“Your parents did it in the bathroom, they did it on your garden bench, they did it under the garden bench, they did it on the kitchen floor, they did it-”
“JaeJoong!” he cut me off in horror. “For starters, my parents had much more class than that! There was caviar and wine and candles and bed sheets. They were definitely never as uncivilised as that. Don’t lump my parents in with your parents!”
“You snobby asshole!” I laughed. “How many siblings do you have?”
“Just me and my little sister.”
“Ahh…” I nodded thoughtfully. “So your parents would have done it at least twice for certainty…”
I grinned as Yunho’s face screwed up in agony. “You alarming pervert! Don’t you have an army of sisters?”
“Eight…” I replied reluctantly.
“WOW,” he replied, impressed. “Okay so your parents did it in the garden, in the bathroom, in the lounge room, on top of the washing machine-”
“Shut up!” I yelled, trying not to laugh at his serious expression as he counted down nine locations with his fingers.
“You started it, you immature thing.”
“At least my parents would have had more fun than yours!”
“Fun? I hardly call having to bring up nine children fun. Especially after striking a disaster with the youngest one!”
“I hate you!” I growled, unable to come up with a new come back as I hurriedly tried to resist the return of his tickling fingers against my waist.
“Nooo, you loooove me,” he egotistically declared, torturing me with that childish grin of his.
“I love you when you’re not talking.”
He smiled wider and silently moved upwards to exchange his love the silent way.
It was hard to believe that all of this was happening…that he was there underneath me and actually kissing me as if there was nothing for us to worry about in the world. The fact that I also felt like all my fears had mysteriously evaporated was something I was not used to. I hated having to rely on him for happiness and yet…I was as addicted to it as much as one possibly could be.
Sometimes I felt like I didn’t agree with his adoration. I couldn’t always see where it was coming from, but I wouldn’t try and talk him out of it either…
…Because I loved all of it; his lips brushing against my skin, his fingers caressing my back, the way he rolled us over in frustration until I was the one underneath him, because he couldn’t find any other way to express his adoration for me but to try and condense it all into this one kiss.
After we pulled apart, he slowly sat up and climbed over my blushing body to get off his bed.
“What are you doing?” I questioned in confusion, my mind numbed of all its senses from the remnants of his touch.
“Fulfilling our compromise. You sleep, I stay and watch.”
“Don’t sit and stare at me,” I replied in aghast.
He rolled his eyes but looked away all the same. “Okay. Now sleep JaeJoong, and when you wake up you will not be alone.”
I didn’t realise at the time how sneaky he had been. With that last promise he had cunningly changed the terms of the compromise. When I woke up hours later I really wasn’t alone. But it was not Yunho sitting beside the bed…it was Changmin.
“Sneaky asshole,” I muttered tiredly. Admittedly I felt a little confused and lost, awakening without Yunho there after the morning we had shared but I didn’t have time to process those feelings.
“Asshole? Pardon?” Changmin replied, startled by both my sudden consciousness and my phrasing.
“Never mind,” I yawned out, trying to sit up. I was quite surprised to find Changmin guarding me - I didn’t quite understand why, but Yunho turned odd whenever Changmin came up in conversation. He had never let Changmin visit me since I got back, leaving Changmin with no other option but to sneak by sometimes in the day when Yunho wasn’t there to stop him.
“Where did Yunho go?” I asked him, hoping that maybe my younger friend had some answers.
“Who cares,” he replied darkly with a shrug. “Who honestly knows what that asshole is doing.”
“He’s not an asshole,” I tiredly argued.
“Oh yes he is! What do you see in him?!”
I stared in confusion at my younger friend. He was in an unusually bitter mood compared to his normal sneak visits.
“You know he never told me you were back and that you were actually safe.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that…” I replied awkwardly.
Changmin nodded angrily. “I only found out second hand after overhearing a conversation with that Jinho guy. He was near me in the medical tent with a bullet wound…you know why? Jung Yunho! Apparently that so called ‘amazing Major’ freaked out in the middle of a fight and confused everyone into not shooting at the enemy, so Jinho got shot!”**
I nodded silently as I listened through Changmin’s rant. I didn’t like Changmin having so many reservations against Yunho, but I knew it would be pointless trying to convince Changmin otherwise.
“Speaking of enemies… What was he thinking bringing a bloody Chinese man into our camp? Is Jung Yunho so stupid that he’s forgotten who we are fighting against? And yet no-one really ever complains about Jung Yunho’s actions!”
“Hangeng-hyung is not the enemy,” I firmly insisted.
“How do you know, hyung? He could be a spy. It’s moles like him who could break up the stalemate and destroy us! It might have even been him who helped those rebels get into camp last week!”
“Hangeng-hyung is not a mole. He helped me.”
Changmin stopped brooding to gaze at me in surprise. “And for that I give him respect. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an ulterior motive. Why did he leave his comrades for the enemy’s territory?”
“You say you respect Hangeng-hyung and then still accuse him…” I pointed out the contradiction in a mumble. But I couldn’t quite reply to Changmin’s question without sounding naive and stupid. I didn’t know if Hangeng had an ulterior motive or not. But I trusted him. I trusted him a lot, and that was enough for me. Whether it was foolish to think like that or not, I couldn’t help but feel it.
“You know I wouldn’t put it past Jung Yunho to have planted the Chinese doctor in our camp deliberately.” Seeing the look on my face he sighed. “Yeh…why am I even bothering. Of course you’d be on his side.”
“Yunho would never betray us like that, with or without Hangeng-hyung’s involvement,” I coldly informed him. All of a sudden I wasn’t enjoying his presence and had a huge urge to request his leave.
“I’m sorry hyung, I just don’t trust your boyfriend, or even like him for that matter. He already won…and yet he still can’t find it in himself to treat me like a normal human being. When you were captured he treated me like some criminal that needed repression. When he addressed me it was with the most discourteous manner and blatant dislike. I’m sorry hyung, but it’s really hard to like someone who treats you like scum. And I don’t understand why no-one ever really complains about that side of him. After all, I wasn’t the only one who copped his attitude when you were away. Why do people forgive his mistakes and rudeness so easily?”
I stared in deeper confusion at the bitter man in front of me. How had he grown to hate the man I loved so much? He kept saying how rude Yunho was to people…but I didn’t understand any of that. Yunho was not the type of man who deliberately tried to hurt another so…where had all this loathing come from in Changmin? What had Yunho possibly done to him to ignite such a deep, passionate, irate fire?
Before I could help it, my stomach started tingling with nervousness.
“Why did Yunho treat you like that?”
“Why?” Changmin repeated with a bitter laugh. “He blames me for all his woes. He needs to blame someone, so why not me, right? Selfish prick.”
“Blame you for what though?” I frowned.
“Your capture.”
“My capture? What on earth do you have to do with that?” I demanded worriedly, too frightened to be faced with this other side of Yunho that I was unfamiliar with.
“I don’t know! Because you were trying to help me instead of just protecting yourself? Which he seems to forget was your own choice. I thank you every day for that with my whole heart, by the way.”
“I don’t regret saving you, Changmin. If Yunho’s trying to make you feel guilty for that then please ignore him.”
“Have you tried ignoring that man? Especially when he thinks he has the right to constantly push me around and try and stop me from seeing you when you came back! Like he owns you and can delegate who is worthy enough to be your friend!”
“He’s just trying to protect me…” I mumbled.
“From me? What have I ever done wrong to you? You’re my best friend. You’ve even tried talking to him about letting me see you, but has he listened?”
“No…” I sighed. Changmin was right; I had tried talking to Yunho. When I noticed Changmin had to sneak into the tent to talk to me, I had tried asking Yunho why I couldn’t have any visitors. He’d felt offended that I thought he was being so controlling and we’d had a row over it. His explanation that I needed sleep and less distraction had sounded quite relevant at the time…
“And then this afternoon he finally comes up to me and demands that I stay with you all evening. I’m only allowed to see you when it suits him?! He has such nerve!”
“Calm down, Changmin,” I sighed. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.”
“You’re his boyfriend; of course he’s going to treat you with respect.”
I rubbed my temples. This talk was getting us no where. I was still sleepy and in no mood to start a fight with one of my only friends. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of Yunho being someone I didn’t know well enough of… I didn’t want to feel disappointed or suspicious of him.
Lying back down in exhaustion, I stared up at the tent’s roof. Changmin was continually ranting to me about Yunho…he obviously had so many pent up thoughts poisoning his mind, he needed to tell somebody. It was frightening to know that someone I had thought of as nothing but warm (disregarding the occasional explosion from his temper) could have such a negative impact on somebody else.
But he had lied to me…he had promised he’d be here when I woke up. I hadn’t agreed to the new compromise. I knew he had work to do as Major but I had trusted him with that oath. Even though he had made sure I wasn’t technically alone and with someone else whom I trusted…it wasn’t the same. And where was he now? Did he think something else was more important than my security and well-being? Maybe Changmin was right…maybe I had been blinded with a perfect image of Yunho which I had created and desperately stuck to.
“I missed you, hyung,” Changmin softly murmured, surprising me out of me thoughts.
“I missed you too. I’m glad you’re alright. And I’m glad you’ve stayed alright,” I smiled across at him.
“For you…I did my best.”
“Thank you for your hard work,” I awkwardly replied, unsure of what he wanted to hear from me. A long time ago I had been aware that Changmin liked me…
I had assumed that Yunho thought of me fondly, but not fondly enough to want to be in a relationship with me…so I had let Changmin kiss me. I enjoyed kissing Changmin because he was the first friend I had learnt to trust and he had beautiful lips. But more selfishly, I had wanted to learn how to kiss properly as well…in case Yunho did end up looking at me like I dreamed. I wanted him to like me so badly! And that one day when I realised he actually might…it blew me away. Just like now. For even these days I couldn’t understand why he still did…
After that, I had had to tell Changmin that I liked Yunho. That had been so hard. I hated hurting people’s feelings and I was unsure for a little while whether Changmin would reject my friendship afterwards. But he hadn’t.
Back then I had been so frustrated at how complicated the whole situation was. But now… complicated was hardly able to describe the situation I had fallen into. I felt like even the ground I walked on was unstable and would at any moment crack horrifically and drag me down into its cold, dark, bottomless depths.
“Look hyung, you’re really tired still. Your boyfriend wanted me to make sure you slept. And for once…and only once…I agree with him.”
I smiled at his concern and truthfulness. I could always depend on Changmin to spurt out his mind without holding back or watering down his blunt opinions…which is why he was making me so nervous about Yunho. I didn’t doubt my lover but…I couldn’t help but feel a little confused.
Settling myself down onto my stomach I slide an arm under the pillow for comfort. I yawned as Changmin moved a little closer and picked up the hand I had lazily draped off the bed. I didn’t mind him playing around with my fingers like he used to do (he had such a fascination with my hands) but when he suddenly moved closer to me I panicked.
Changmin had just changed his position on the floor to ease the pins and needles in his legs, but the sudden, quick movement had caught me off guard. I felt a little stupid for so quickly losing trust in one of my close friends! Changmin didn’t know what had happened to me in the North Korean camp…
And he didn’t know anything about what Yunho had gone through with me in North Korea either… Whatever reservations he had for Yunho, I was certain I didn’t share them. Yunho had saved me in every way I could have been saved.
As my heart rate slowed down back to normal, I felt almost sad for Changmin. He didn’t know the best part of Yunho’s personality. Whatever had happened between them wasn’t any of my business, but I hoped that maybe one day they’d both go easier on each other.
I closed my eyes as Changmin’s gentle, child-like playing of my fingers lulled my consciousness into shut down. He had a different kind of gentleness to Yunho… I liked it, but I couldn’t help craving what I was missing.
I wished Yunho would be back soon… I was already missing the way he held me.
My brain vaguely registered hesitant lips brushing over my exposed cheekbone but sleep was claiming me too swiftly to pay much attention.
///TBC///
* LOL don’t we love Line Up :D
** Refer to chapter 5
Where is that Yunho! His boyfriend is being violated by his rival! Now’s his chance to finally beat Changmin up, HAHA! (And no there will be no cliché “he’s MINE! No he’s MINE” brawl hahaha.)
Actually, all the Changmin stuff wasn’t pointless. I’m really interested in seeing how things appear in a third POV, especially in the earlier days which was barely covered in Yunho’s flashbacks at the beginning of the fic. Hopefully in the next chapter you’ll understand why Changmin has trust issues with Yunho.
Changmin wasn’t Yunho’s idea to help JaeJoong, by the way. That’s also coming. I just hope I’ll be able to write it as well as I can imagine it now… >_<
Comment? <3
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner:
Chapter: [11/25?]
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU
Summary: Two men met one cold, winters day. One, a cook's assistant, the other a young lawyer. The year was 1950, when this instant attraction occurred... However, the threat of civil war loomed and the two found themselves faced with the risk of separation. Yunho swore he'd protect JaeJoong at all cost...but can he really?
A/N: Currently in a bizarre state of mind...just found out that my brother is the same height as Changmin/Yunho. DO YOU KNOW HOW SHORT I'D LOOK NEXT TO THEM?!!! T___T
(And woah, I forgot to say last week that: HO MY GOD I MADE IT INTO DOUBLE DIGITS, IT'S A MIRACLE! :P)
OST for this chapter:
Make Me Crazy - Scandal’us (4.05MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
YunJae flirting song…
I can't deny, I love the way I'm all mixed up inside
It feels so right coz it's you now baby
You lift me up, tear me down, still I love you more…
It had almost been a week since the North Korean rebels had threatened JaeJoong to almost devastating extremes. I could barely think back to that horrendous time …knowing how close my JaeJoong had been to death. If my mind so much as tried to replay through the scenes again, I would immediately shut it down because I knew that I was not ready to think about such a cold, meaningless world without him there with me.
Although I had cut his hair in the river to his favoured length - not too long but not crazily short either, it had not helped his assimilation into the camp. I had hoped that maybe if his appearance was one of familiarity, then he would feel more comfortable…but now he was even worse.
I could not blame anyone but those North Korean rebels. Although JaeJoong tried to act like he was fine and the entire world was sunny and dandy, he couldn’t fool me. I could see how badly that attack had damaged him mentally. Now, he wouldn’t sleep at all. Whenever I got up, it was his normal signal (in his nocturnal habits) to finally sleep. He would shut his eyes until I left the tent but then he would simply reopen them again and spend the entire day wide awake and alert. I could tell because of his complexion. Did he think I was that stupid? The bags tainting his exquisite eyes were scarily prominent.
But what could I do? The first attack had occurred at night…the second in the day. He didn’t feel safe anymore in any hour of the day. I needed to protect him better! But he refused my offer of making MinWoo or one of the others stand guard outside the tent. He claimed he didn’t want to put them out, but never-the-less I backed off the idea - I had forgotten how alarmed he felt with close proximity to strangers. Whether I trusted them or not was irrelevant to his chaotic brain.
Surely there was something I could do for him!
As I slid into bed next to JaeJoong, I pretended I hadn’t noticed his questioning gaze of apprehension at my prolonged silence. Ever since the evening of the second attack, JaeJoong had let me (or rather, ‘urged’ me) to reclaim my bed. As long as it was only me lying with him, he felt comfortable enough.
I pulled the shabby cover over the both of us and waited until JaeJoong fidgeted around to a more comfortable position before I blew the candle out, dispelling all light from our faces. He always chose to sleep against the tent’s back wall, whilst I took the side exposed to the entranceway. The dodgy bunk was quite small so we barely could move with two in the bed - we’d felt the pathetic amount of space was a bonus when we had first become a couple, but now it was a little awkward for JaeJoong.
I accidentally fell asleep in the position of a sloppy embrace, somewhat limiting JaeJoong’s movement. I only realised when I woke up, on the cusp of dripping saliva over his shoulder. My eyes widened and I sheepishly set to freeing my boyfriend.
Half my arm was stuck under him as well as my foot. How on earth did I get so tangled? I needed to seriously monitor my nightly sleeping behaviour! But I stopped my attempt to free myself once I caught sight of his face. It was blank. Vacant. Empty. Peaceful.
He was asleep!
Had my foot lying underneath his knee somehow triggered the mythical snooze button? Of course not. But I was so relieved and joyous to see him finally sleeping after so many days, that my thoughts had become insanely quirky.
There were plenty of tasks that needed to be done - bathe myself before duty, dress, make breakfast, go to the loo etc., but I couldn’t do a thing! If I moved one inch I was worried that I’d wake the exhausted man up!
As time flew on, the consequence of lying like this began to take its toll. I bit onto my spare hand to numb the sensation of my trapped arm stinging with pins and needles, and tried to ignore my bladder threatening to explode. No, not leak, explode.
But eventually I knew something had to be done; I couldn’t keep going on like this. Either I’d move and wake my boyfriend up, or I’d urinate on my boyfriend and wake him up anyway! Clearly the former was my only option.
I gritted my teeth and carefully tried to slide my arm out from under him but he was surprisingly heavy when he slept. “JaeJoong,” I quietly whined in helplessness, “help me out here! I love you enough not to pee on you, but you’re leaving me with no choice!”
“Mm.”
“JaeJoongie,” I expressed in relief. “Slide over.”
“Whaarr…” he mumbled into the pillow.
“I’m about to pee on you.”
“EWW!” he exclaimed, his eyes flinging open in horror.
“Thank you!” I grinned, yanking my arm and foot back and bolting outside.
“You weren’t joking!” JaeJoong exclaimed in wonder as I stumbled back into my tent. “I thought you were testing out some eccentric, new wake up call.”
“I never joke about the bladder,” I replied with a smile. “Sleep well?”
“…yes.” He sounded so bitter, it was almost enough to make me laugh.
“Fancy giving it another try?”
“You are joking?”
I sighed and sat down onto the empty space on the bed as I tied my boots. “Your fears are so strong they override your normal bodily function,” I mused, “but too much lack of sleep overrides even your fears now. It’s your body’s way of telling you that it urgently needs sleep.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” he snapped.
“I’m not. Your body is though.”
“You’re the spokesman for my body now?!” he demanded.
“Extra grouchiness is a symptom of lack of sleep,” I pointed out teasingly, already regretting my words before I had a chance to keep quiet.
“Piss off.”
Ah there it was…the backlash from teasing a helpless, sleepless victim.
Sighing, I got off the bed. He was definitely in one of his moods and I didn’t have time to deal with it.
I stubbornly bent down to give him a kiss before I left but even that was a reluctant action from him. Blowing softly onto his nose in apology I made him squirm and stole yet another kiss from him. Laughing at how easily he forgave me, I made my exit.
A few soldiers waved to me as I collected food for my breakfast. One was reading an old newspaper his family had sent him. I stared at him as I bit into my bread.
“Can I read that after you?” I asked politely.
“Whatever you want, Major. You don’t need to ask…you’re a Major…”
“Oh, you’re right,” I said thoughtfully. “Give me the friggen newspaper or I’ll drown your sorry ass in the river. Better?” I grinned.
“Couldn’t have abused my power any better, Major!”
Smiling, I grabbed some breakfast for my irritable boyfriend.
I was only half way towards my tent when I stopped in my tracks. Something had just occurred to me in that early morning air. A way to help JaeJoong…
~~~~ ~~~~
“So, let me get this straight…” I began, staring unwaveringly up at Yunho. “You want me to sleep.”
“Yes,” he replied with a nod.
“And you want me to pretend I am just a tired human being, immune to all fears… Have I got this right?”
“Yes.”
“Oh sure, whatever you want, honey!” I quipped.
“Don’t be like that,” Yunho laughed, squeezing in next to me on the small bed.
“You’re asking a blind man to see.”
“No I’m not. I’m asking an idiot to sleep. There’s a difference.”
“Idiot, huh...” My temper was raging - Yunho always managed to press just the right combination of buttons to piss me off.
I glared at him as I saw him moving closer.
“NO!” I yelled. “You cannot wipe this insulting statement under the carpet by cuddling me!”
“Come to oppa.”*
“STOP IT!” I begged, trying to move away from his wandering arms, only to crash against the back of the tent. I began hitting him, trying to stop the grin I could feel about to explode on my face.
“You cannot win this war by aegyo! Smile at someone who actually cares,” I grunted, covering up his mouth with my hand in self defence.
“Of course I can win,” he mumbled into my palm.
“Smiling at the communists will not get you anywhere. The war will continue to rage on and I will laugh at you!”
“Still, it’s a better tactic than yours ever were.”
“Excuse me?”
“Ahh yes,” he began, ending his attack on me, to lie back down. I stayed sitting where I was, suspiciously.
“Back in the good old days of pre-captain…”
“Yes…?”
“There were lots of marvellous stories floating around amongst us officers about the Miracle Boy. I heard that this amazing boy had an inventive way of loading his pistol! It was something none of us had even considered doing before! Putting the bullets in through the barrel was clearly brilliance at its best! Who even needs to hold a gun upright so the bullets don’t fall back out again! We can just fling them back out of the barrel like a tennis ball and hope it flies far enough! Who needs a trigger! Gosh, what a useless invention and a waste of metal.”
“I did not do that!” I complained.
“And there was another one. Apparently the Miracle Boy worked best with hand grenades. He threw it out in what some might call ‘excited miscalculation’…and dived down like the perfect trainee. But then there was nothing….no noise, no heat, no destruction. Miracle Boy didn’t need to set the grenade off by pulling the pin out first. He could just throw it like a baseball and hope it knocks someone out cold!”
“That did not happen!” I growled in disgust.
“You do realise that if grenades could work without pulling the pin out, you’d be dead by just holding it.”
“I’m not stupid! You’re just spewing out crap and trying to make it sound like it was all my idiocy!”
“The last story is a killer,” he ignored me. “Apparently, after the trainee’s obstacle course, when Miracle Boy stood up from the mud, his pants fell off.”
“Now that is a blatant lie! Who the hell said that!?” I yelled.
Yunho burst out laughing at the look of appal on my face and pointed at himself, cackling too loud to speak.
“You started a rumour about me?!” I shrieked. “Traitor!”
“It’s love!”
“It’s dirty, disgusting, sickening betrayal!”
“Calm down, JaeJoongie, I didn’t start any rumour. You’re so quick to judge!” he chuckled, staring up at me with those cheeky eyes of his.
I pouted and stared back at him. “It’s not nice to tease someone like that.”
“Mmhmm.”
“And just so you know…it was a rifle not a pistol.”
“Ooh hoo!” he exclaimed, pulling me down onto him, “Miracle Boy admits his identity, it in the flesh!”
“I’m proud of being incapable!”
“Not many would be, you know. Being known as a walking disaster zone…ouch.”
“I hate you!” I laughed.
“I hate you~~” he echoed, tickling my sides.
“S-S-t-top i-it!” I demanded, squirming ridiculously on top of him.
“Not until you agree to my siesta advice!”
“Never!”
“Pardon?” he asked innocently, ignoring my helpless, flailing demeanour and tickling with even less mercy.
“Okay you asshole!” I yelled, giggling at his unrelenting fingers.
He stopped his attack and welcomed me as I fell downwards onto his chest. I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath. He was already trying to lull me to sleep by playing cutely with my hair, but I refused to give in until I had laid all my cards out.
“If I am to agree, there must be a compromise,” I smugly insisted, resting my chin on his diaphragm.
“State your compromise, sir.”
“I know it’s near the end of your lunch break, but I don’t care. You have to promise, agree, pledge and swear to fulfil this oath that you will NOT under any circumstances leave the premises.”
“I promise,” he groaned. “Jeez JaeJoongie, why do I feel like I’m back in the courtroom with my client…”
“Because I am being serious. This isn’t some light-hearted game; it’s as serious as the law. If you break the law, you feel the consequences,” I insisted, hammering my fist into his chest for emphasis.
“Suck all the emotion out of our relationship!” he teased. “I’m supposed to be the evil lawyer, not you.”
“You think you’re the only on who has those skills?”
He sighed, perhaps sensing he was starting to walk on egg shells.
“Just admit you’re too afraid to fall asleep without me here.”
“I will not!” I declared, angrily pushing myself off him as he tried to keep me captive in his arms again for a kiss.
“Say: I, Kim JaeJoong need Jung Yunho.”
“I, Kim JaeJoong…” I repeated, allowing the smirk to reappear on my face. “Need Jung Yunho…to get a reality check.”
“Crude words, old man.”
“Truthful words, young hooligan,” I countered, amused at how many of our fights often turned to the direction of age-given authority.
“Twelve days difference!” he moaned.
“Twelve days too late, Yunho. Don’t cry to me, cry to your mummy and daddy who-”
“OKAY, I don’t need those details, JaeJoong!” he groaned.
But I couldn’t help teasing him now that I had him right where I wanted him. He wasn’t the only one who had such an annoying talent.
“Your parents did it in the bathroom, they did it on your garden bench, they did it under the garden bench, they did it on the kitchen floor, they did it-”
“JaeJoong!” he cut me off in horror. “For starters, my parents had much more class than that! There was caviar and wine and candles and bed sheets. They were definitely never as uncivilised as that. Don’t lump my parents in with your parents!”
“You snobby asshole!” I laughed. “How many siblings do you have?”
“Just me and my little sister.”
“Ahh…” I nodded thoughtfully. “So your parents would have done it at least twice for certainty…”
I grinned as Yunho’s face screwed up in agony. “You alarming pervert! Don’t you have an army of sisters?”
“Eight…” I replied reluctantly.
“WOW,” he replied, impressed. “Okay so your parents did it in the garden, in the bathroom, in the lounge room, on top of the washing machine-”
“Shut up!” I yelled, trying not to laugh at his serious expression as he counted down nine locations with his fingers.
“You started it, you immature thing.”
“At least my parents would have had more fun than yours!”
“Fun? I hardly call having to bring up nine children fun. Especially after striking a disaster with the youngest one!”
“I hate you!” I growled, unable to come up with a new come back as I hurriedly tried to resist the return of his tickling fingers against my waist.
“Nooo, you loooove me,” he egotistically declared, torturing me with that childish grin of his.
“I love you when you’re not talking.”
He smiled wider and silently moved upwards to exchange his love the silent way.
It was hard to believe that all of this was happening…that he was there underneath me and actually kissing me as if there was nothing for us to worry about in the world. The fact that I also felt like all my fears had mysteriously evaporated was something I was not used to. I hated having to rely on him for happiness and yet…I was as addicted to it as much as one possibly could be.
Sometimes I felt like I didn’t agree with his adoration. I couldn’t always see where it was coming from, but I wouldn’t try and talk him out of it either…
…Because I loved all of it; his lips brushing against my skin, his fingers caressing my back, the way he rolled us over in frustration until I was the one underneath him, because he couldn’t find any other way to express his adoration for me but to try and condense it all into this one kiss.
After we pulled apart, he slowly sat up and climbed over my blushing body to get off his bed.
“What are you doing?” I questioned in confusion, my mind numbed of all its senses from the remnants of his touch.
“Fulfilling our compromise. You sleep, I stay and watch.”
“Don’t sit and stare at me,” I replied in aghast.
He rolled his eyes but looked away all the same. “Okay. Now sleep JaeJoong, and when you wake up you will not be alone.”
I didn’t realise at the time how sneaky he had been. With that last promise he had cunningly changed the terms of the compromise. When I woke up hours later I really wasn’t alone. But it was not Yunho sitting beside the bed…it was Changmin.
“Sneaky asshole,” I muttered tiredly. Admittedly I felt a little confused and lost, awakening without Yunho there after the morning we had shared but I didn’t have time to process those feelings.
“Asshole? Pardon?” Changmin replied, startled by both my sudden consciousness and my phrasing.
“Never mind,” I yawned out, trying to sit up. I was quite surprised to find Changmin guarding me - I didn’t quite understand why, but Yunho turned odd whenever Changmin came up in conversation. He had never let Changmin visit me since I got back, leaving Changmin with no other option but to sneak by sometimes in the day when Yunho wasn’t there to stop him.
“Where did Yunho go?” I asked him, hoping that maybe my younger friend had some answers.
“Who cares,” he replied darkly with a shrug. “Who honestly knows what that asshole is doing.”
“He’s not an asshole,” I tiredly argued.
“Oh yes he is! What do you see in him?!”
I stared in confusion at my younger friend. He was in an unusually bitter mood compared to his normal sneak visits.
“You know he never told me you were back and that you were actually safe.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that…” I replied awkwardly.
Changmin nodded angrily. “I only found out second hand after overhearing a conversation with that Jinho guy. He was near me in the medical tent with a bullet wound…you know why? Jung Yunho! Apparently that so called ‘amazing Major’ freaked out in the middle of a fight and confused everyone into not shooting at the enemy, so Jinho got shot!”**
I nodded silently as I listened through Changmin’s rant. I didn’t like Changmin having so many reservations against Yunho, but I knew it would be pointless trying to convince Changmin otherwise.
“Speaking of enemies… What was he thinking bringing a bloody Chinese man into our camp? Is Jung Yunho so stupid that he’s forgotten who we are fighting against? And yet no-one really ever complains about Jung Yunho’s actions!”
“Hangeng-hyung is not the enemy,” I firmly insisted.
“How do you know, hyung? He could be a spy. It’s moles like him who could break up the stalemate and destroy us! It might have even been him who helped those rebels get into camp last week!”
“Hangeng-hyung is not a mole. He helped me.”
Changmin stopped brooding to gaze at me in surprise. “And for that I give him respect. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an ulterior motive. Why did he leave his comrades for the enemy’s territory?”
“You say you respect Hangeng-hyung and then still accuse him…” I pointed out the contradiction in a mumble. But I couldn’t quite reply to Changmin’s question without sounding naive and stupid. I didn’t know if Hangeng had an ulterior motive or not. But I trusted him. I trusted him a lot, and that was enough for me. Whether it was foolish to think like that or not, I couldn’t help but feel it.
“You know I wouldn’t put it past Jung Yunho to have planted the Chinese doctor in our camp deliberately.” Seeing the look on my face he sighed. “Yeh…why am I even bothering. Of course you’d be on his side.”
“Yunho would never betray us like that, with or without Hangeng-hyung’s involvement,” I coldly informed him. All of a sudden I wasn’t enjoying his presence and had a huge urge to request his leave.
“I’m sorry hyung, I just don’t trust your boyfriend, or even like him for that matter. He already won…and yet he still can’t find it in himself to treat me like a normal human being. When you were captured he treated me like some criminal that needed repression. When he addressed me it was with the most discourteous manner and blatant dislike. I’m sorry hyung, but it’s really hard to like someone who treats you like scum. And I don’t understand why no-one ever really complains about that side of him. After all, I wasn’t the only one who copped his attitude when you were away. Why do people forgive his mistakes and rudeness so easily?”
I stared in deeper confusion at the bitter man in front of me. How had he grown to hate the man I loved so much? He kept saying how rude Yunho was to people…but I didn’t understand any of that. Yunho was not the type of man who deliberately tried to hurt another so…where had all this loathing come from in Changmin? What had Yunho possibly done to him to ignite such a deep, passionate, irate fire?
Before I could help it, my stomach started tingling with nervousness.
“Why did Yunho treat you like that?”
“Why?” Changmin repeated with a bitter laugh. “He blames me for all his woes. He needs to blame someone, so why not me, right? Selfish prick.”
“Blame you for what though?” I frowned.
“Your capture.”
“My capture? What on earth do you have to do with that?” I demanded worriedly, too frightened to be faced with this other side of Yunho that I was unfamiliar with.
“I don’t know! Because you were trying to help me instead of just protecting yourself? Which he seems to forget was your own choice. I thank you every day for that with my whole heart, by the way.”
“I don’t regret saving you, Changmin. If Yunho’s trying to make you feel guilty for that then please ignore him.”
“Have you tried ignoring that man? Especially when he thinks he has the right to constantly push me around and try and stop me from seeing you when you came back! Like he owns you and can delegate who is worthy enough to be your friend!”
“He’s just trying to protect me…” I mumbled.
“From me? What have I ever done wrong to you? You’re my best friend. You’ve even tried talking to him about letting me see you, but has he listened?”
“No…” I sighed. Changmin was right; I had tried talking to Yunho. When I noticed Changmin had to sneak into the tent to talk to me, I had tried asking Yunho why I couldn’t have any visitors. He’d felt offended that I thought he was being so controlling and we’d had a row over it. His explanation that I needed sleep and less distraction had sounded quite relevant at the time…
“And then this afternoon he finally comes up to me and demands that I stay with you all evening. I’m only allowed to see you when it suits him?! He has such nerve!”
“Calm down, Changmin,” I sighed. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.”
“You’re his boyfriend; of course he’s going to treat you with respect.”
I rubbed my temples. This talk was getting us no where. I was still sleepy and in no mood to start a fight with one of my only friends. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of Yunho being someone I didn’t know well enough of… I didn’t want to feel disappointed or suspicious of him.
Lying back down in exhaustion, I stared up at the tent’s roof. Changmin was continually ranting to me about Yunho…he obviously had so many pent up thoughts poisoning his mind, he needed to tell somebody. It was frightening to know that someone I had thought of as nothing but warm (disregarding the occasional explosion from his temper) could have such a negative impact on somebody else.
But he had lied to me…he had promised he’d be here when I woke up. I hadn’t agreed to the new compromise. I knew he had work to do as Major but I had trusted him with that oath. Even though he had made sure I wasn’t technically alone and with someone else whom I trusted…it wasn’t the same. And where was he now? Did he think something else was more important than my security and well-being? Maybe Changmin was right…maybe I had been blinded with a perfect image of Yunho which I had created and desperately stuck to.
“I missed you, hyung,” Changmin softly murmured, surprising me out of me thoughts.
“I missed you too. I’m glad you’re alright. And I’m glad you’ve stayed alright,” I smiled across at him.
“For you…I did my best.”
“Thank you for your hard work,” I awkwardly replied, unsure of what he wanted to hear from me. A long time ago I had been aware that Changmin liked me…
I had assumed that Yunho thought of me fondly, but not fondly enough to want to be in a relationship with me…so I had let Changmin kiss me. I enjoyed kissing Changmin because he was the first friend I had learnt to trust and he had beautiful lips. But more selfishly, I had wanted to learn how to kiss properly as well…in case Yunho did end up looking at me like I dreamed. I wanted him to like me so badly! And that one day when I realised he actually might…it blew me away. Just like now. For even these days I couldn’t understand why he still did…
After that, I had had to tell Changmin that I liked Yunho. That had been so hard. I hated hurting people’s feelings and I was unsure for a little while whether Changmin would reject my friendship afterwards. But he hadn’t.
Back then I had been so frustrated at how complicated the whole situation was. But now… complicated was hardly able to describe the situation I had fallen into. I felt like even the ground I walked on was unstable and would at any moment crack horrifically and drag me down into its cold, dark, bottomless depths.
“Look hyung, you’re really tired still. Your boyfriend wanted me to make sure you slept. And for once…and only once…I agree with him.”
I smiled at his concern and truthfulness. I could always depend on Changmin to spurt out his mind without holding back or watering down his blunt opinions…which is why he was making me so nervous about Yunho. I didn’t doubt my lover but…I couldn’t help but feel a little confused.
Settling myself down onto my stomach I slide an arm under the pillow for comfort. I yawned as Changmin moved a little closer and picked up the hand I had lazily draped off the bed. I didn’t mind him playing around with my fingers like he used to do (he had such a fascination with my hands) but when he suddenly moved closer to me I panicked.
Changmin had just changed his position on the floor to ease the pins and needles in his legs, but the sudden, quick movement had caught me off guard. I felt a little stupid for so quickly losing trust in one of my close friends! Changmin didn’t know what had happened to me in the North Korean camp…
And he didn’t know anything about what Yunho had gone through with me in North Korea either… Whatever reservations he had for Yunho, I was certain I didn’t share them. Yunho had saved me in every way I could have been saved.
As my heart rate slowed down back to normal, I felt almost sad for Changmin. He didn’t know the best part of Yunho’s personality. Whatever had happened between them wasn’t any of my business, but I hoped that maybe one day they’d both go easier on each other.
I closed my eyes as Changmin’s gentle, child-like playing of my fingers lulled my consciousness into shut down. He had a different kind of gentleness to Yunho… I liked it, but I couldn’t help craving what I was missing.
I wished Yunho would be back soon… I was already missing the way he held me.
My brain vaguely registered hesitant lips brushing over my exposed cheekbone but sleep was claiming me too swiftly to pay much attention.
///TBC///
* LOL don’t we love Line Up :D
** Refer to chapter 5
Where is that Yunho! His boyfriend is being violated by his rival! Now’s his chance to finally beat Changmin up, HAHA! (And no there will be no cliché “he’s MINE! No he’s MINE” brawl hahaha.)
Actually, all the Changmin stuff wasn’t pointless. I’m really interested in seeing how things appear in a third POV, especially in the earlier days which was barely covered in Yunho’s flashbacks at the beginning of the fic. Hopefully in the next chapter you’ll understand why Changmin has trust issues with Yunho.
Changmin wasn’t Yunho’s idea to help JaeJoong, by the way. That’s also coming. I just hope I’ll be able to write it as well as I can imagine it now… >_<
Comment? <3