FIC: Let Me Prove It To You (2/?)
A/N: First of all, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews!! You have no idea how much they mean to me! :) And I promised I wouldn’t make you wait long for the next chapter, so here it is!
Chapter 2
“Garcia?” Emily asked, thinking for a split second that maybe she heard it wrong. But she didn’t. “How did you get this number?” She asked curious, because she made sure that she didn’t give that number to anyone.
“I realize that you’ve been gone for a while, but have you forgotten what the goddess does for a living?”
“Right.” Emily replied and laughed at herself for not realizing that sooner. Obviously Garcia would have no problems tracking her down. She’s Garcia after all. “Hi.” Emily said to her. “What’s up?” She asked and realized that it really was a stupid question to ask someone you haven’t talked to in a couple of months. She knew this wasn’t just about Garcia needing girl talk or something. There was something going on.
“Look, I know that you want to be left alone and all that… And I’ve made my peace with it, I really have. I still miss you like crazy, we all do, but we have learned to…”
“Garcia!” Emily almost shouted her friend’s name in order to remind her to get to the point.
“Right.” Garcia sighed as she realized that this was going to be harder than she initially thought. She still wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing calling Emily, but something kept telling her that Emily would wanna know. “Listen, I wasn’t sure if I should call you about this or not, so please don’t hate me if I made the wrong choice.”
“Garcia, please!” Emily asked again.
“OK, here it goes. JJ has been in an accident…” Emily’s legs almost gave out at hearing the words JJ and accident in the same sentence. Her heart started beating faster as she listened to Garcia continue. “Don’t worry, she is OK. Unconscious at the moment, but the doctors say she is stable and should be just fine. “ Emily’s breathes become a little lighter once she heard that JJ was going to be fine, but she still felt like someone hit her on the head with something really heavy. “I know that you and JJ didn’t really part on good terms, but I thought that you deserved to know.” Garcia added and waited for some sort of reaction from Emily.
4 months earlier…
“Emily, please just try and understand.” JJ begged with tears streaming down her face as she saw the utter horror in Emily’s eyes after what she had just told her.
“I have tried and I failed.” Emily replied calmly, but JJ knew that she was far from calm. Emily’s eyes were a clear indication that she really wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. “I don’t understand.” She added as she became a little more emotional. “I will never understand how you can just go and be with him after everything that has happened between us.”
“Emily…” JJ begged, but Emily wouldn’t let her say anything more.
“And don’t tell me that it didn’t mean anything to you. Because I know it did. At least that’s what I thought.” Emily looked into the blonde’s eyes and knew that she was right. “Which is why I will never understand why you are doing this.” Emily said once again and JJ could see tears welling up in the other agent’s eyes. It was killing her to do it, but there was no way she could continue this relationship. For a moment JJ was just staring at Emily, not knowing what to say, until she finally broke the silence.
“I just never thought it would go this far…”
“So what exactly was I to you?” Emily shouted as more and more anger kept building up inside her. “Some fucking experiment that you forgot to conduct in college? You just suddenly realized that you had forgotten to check what it’s like to be with a woman before you made a commitment to your detective?!” Emily paused for a moment to see reaction more carefully, but JJ was still struggling to say anything. “So, did I live up to your expectations? Was the girl on girl action everything it’s cracked up to be? Was it everything you imagined?”
“You know it’s not like that!” JJ protested, tears streaming down her face.
“Then what is it like then? Tell me!” Emily insisted. “Because I sure as hell wanna know!”
“Emily, this is complicated.” JJ admitted through tears. “I’m just so confused…”
“You didn’t seem too confused when you were screaming out my name in the middle of the night.” Emily reminded her and looked at her intently. The way she looked at JJ made the blonde weak in the knees and her heart started beating faster at the memory of the nights that she and Emily had spent together making love. But life was more than just passion, kisses that made you breathless or feelings that scared you to death. And she needed some sense of normalcy in her life, something she couldn’t achieve with everything that she was feeling around Emily. It was all too much and she was afraid it was going to be the death of her.
“Please, don’t.” JJ begged again, because she knew that the more Emily was going to talk about everything that they had shared, the more difficult it was going to be to walk away. “Don’t…” She cried, not knowing what else to say. She knew Emily would never understand why she couldn’t be with her and she knew that nothing she could ever say was going to make it any easier on Emily. She hated doing this, but she couldn’t go on like this.
“Don’t what?” Emily asked angry. “Don’t remind you about what we had? What we have?” She added stressing the present form of the verb. “Because no matter what you tell me, no matter how hard you try to convince me that you want to be with him, I know that whatever it is that’s between us is still there. And it’s not going away.” Emily was sure of that and when she looked into JJ’s eyes, she could swear that JJ knew that too.
“I don’t know what it is that we have, Emily.” JJ finally spoke. “But whatever it is, it’s too much and it’s too complicated and I can’t take it.” She said trembling as she wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“So you’re just gonna run?” Emily asked, almost not being able to believe that JJ would choose this way of dealing with everything. “Give up on us? Because you’re scared? And what it is about him that is so NOT scary?” Emily inquired wanting to just take JJ by the shoulders and shake her so hard she would come to her senses.
“Em…” Emily heard JJ say and it made her even angrier. How dare she call her that after all the horrible things that she’s saying. How dare she! And how dare she walk away from this!
But as angry as Emily was, she wanted nothing more than to take JJ into her arms, hold her and kiss her, like so many times before. She couldn’t understand why JJ suddenly seemed to not want all those things that Emily knew were so right. She finally took one step closer towards the blonde and took her by the hand. JJ’s heart almost stopped and the simple gesture sent shivers up and down her body.
“You look me in the eye and you tell me that you want to walk away from this.” Emily took one step closer and ran her other hand through JJ’s hair. She knew it was driving JJ crazy and stupidly enough, she thought it was going to be enough to make her change her mind. “You look me in the eye and tell me that you wanna go.” She repeated. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you wanna be with him.” She finished as she looked at JJ so intently that she could swear the blonde was going to fall apart right there and then.
“I can’t… “ Was all JJ managed to say as she slid her hand out of Emily’s and turned her head away from the brunette. She knew she wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye and say it. She could never lie to Emily and she knew this time was gonna be no different. And she knew she had to get away as soon as possible, or another touch or look from Emily and she would break. And as she left Emily’s apartment and walked into the night, she knew she was walking away from something amazing and she hated herself for not being strong enough to fight for it.
Chapter 2
“Garcia?” Emily asked, thinking for a split second that maybe she heard it wrong. But she didn’t. “How did you get this number?” She asked curious, because she made sure that she didn’t give that number to anyone.
“I realize that you’ve been gone for a while, but have you forgotten what the goddess does for a living?”
“Right.” Emily replied and laughed at herself for not realizing that sooner. Obviously Garcia would have no problems tracking her down. She’s Garcia after all. “Hi.” Emily said to her. “What’s up?” She asked and realized that it really was a stupid question to ask someone you haven’t talked to in a couple of months. She knew this wasn’t just about Garcia needing girl talk or something. There was something going on.
“Look, I know that you want to be left alone and all that… And I’ve made my peace with it, I really have. I still miss you like crazy, we all do, but we have learned to…”
“Garcia!” Emily almost shouted her friend’s name in order to remind her to get to the point.
“Right.” Garcia sighed as she realized that this was going to be harder than she initially thought. She still wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing calling Emily, but something kept telling her that Emily would wanna know. “Listen, I wasn’t sure if I should call you about this or not, so please don’t hate me if I made the wrong choice.”
“Garcia, please!” Emily asked again.
“OK, here it goes. JJ has been in an accident…” Emily’s legs almost gave out at hearing the words JJ and accident in the same sentence. Her heart started beating faster as she listened to Garcia continue. “Don’t worry, she is OK. Unconscious at the moment, but the doctors say she is stable and should be just fine. “ Emily’s breathes become a little lighter once she heard that JJ was going to be fine, but she still felt like someone hit her on the head with something really heavy. “I know that you and JJ didn’t really part on good terms, but I thought that you deserved to know.” Garcia added and waited for some sort of reaction from Emily.
4 months earlier…
“Emily, please just try and understand.” JJ begged with tears streaming down her face as she saw the utter horror in Emily’s eyes after what she had just told her.
“I have tried and I failed.” Emily replied calmly, but JJ knew that she was far from calm. Emily’s eyes were a clear indication that she really wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. “I don’t understand.” She added as she became a little more emotional. “I will never understand how you can just go and be with him after everything that has happened between us.”
“Emily…” JJ begged, but Emily wouldn’t let her say anything more.
“And don’t tell me that it didn’t mean anything to you. Because I know it did. At least that’s what I thought.” Emily looked into the blonde’s eyes and knew that she was right. “Which is why I will never understand why you are doing this.” Emily said once again and JJ could see tears welling up in the other agent’s eyes. It was killing her to do it, but there was no way she could continue this relationship. For a moment JJ was just staring at Emily, not knowing what to say, until she finally broke the silence.
“I just never thought it would go this far…”
“So what exactly was I to you?” Emily shouted as more and more anger kept building up inside her. “Some fucking experiment that you forgot to conduct in college? You just suddenly realized that you had forgotten to check what it’s like to be with a woman before you made a commitment to your detective?!” Emily paused for a moment to see reaction more carefully, but JJ was still struggling to say anything. “So, did I live up to your expectations? Was the girl on girl action everything it’s cracked up to be? Was it everything you imagined?”
“You know it’s not like that!” JJ protested, tears streaming down her face.
“Then what is it like then? Tell me!” Emily insisted. “Because I sure as hell wanna know!”
“Emily, this is complicated.” JJ admitted through tears. “I’m just so confused…”
“You didn’t seem too confused when you were screaming out my name in the middle of the night.” Emily reminded her and looked at her intently. The way she looked at JJ made the blonde weak in the knees and her heart started beating faster at the memory of the nights that she and Emily had spent together making love. But life was more than just passion, kisses that made you breathless or feelings that scared you to death. And she needed some sense of normalcy in her life, something she couldn’t achieve with everything that she was feeling around Emily. It was all too much and she was afraid it was going to be the death of her.
“Please, don’t.” JJ begged again, because she knew that the more Emily was going to talk about everything that they had shared, the more difficult it was going to be to walk away. “Don’t…” She cried, not knowing what else to say. She knew Emily would never understand why she couldn’t be with her and she knew that nothing she could ever say was going to make it any easier on Emily. She hated doing this, but she couldn’t go on like this.
“Don’t what?” Emily asked angry. “Don’t remind you about what we had? What we have?” She added stressing the present form of the verb. “Because no matter what you tell me, no matter how hard you try to convince me that you want to be with him, I know that whatever it is that’s between us is still there. And it’s not going away.” Emily was sure of that and when she looked into JJ’s eyes, she could swear that JJ knew that too.
“I don’t know what it is that we have, Emily.” JJ finally spoke. “But whatever it is, it’s too much and it’s too complicated and I can’t take it.” She said trembling as she wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“So you’re just gonna run?” Emily asked, almost not being able to believe that JJ would choose this way of dealing with everything. “Give up on us? Because you’re scared? And what it is about him that is so NOT scary?” Emily inquired wanting to just take JJ by the shoulders and shake her so hard she would come to her senses.
“Em…” Emily heard JJ say and it made her even angrier. How dare she call her that after all the horrible things that she’s saying. How dare she! And how dare she walk away from this!
But as angry as Emily was, she wanted nothing more than to take JJ into her arms, hold her and kiss her, like so many times before. She couldn’t understand why JJ suddenly seemed to not want all those things that Emily knew were so right. She finally took one step closer towards the blonde and took her by the hand. JJ’s heart almost stopped and the simple gesture sent shivers up and down her body.
“You look me in the eye and you tell me that you want to walk away from this.” Emily took one step closer and ran her other hand through JJ’s hair. She knew it was driving JJ crazy and stupidly enough, she thought it was going to be enough to make her change her mind. “You look me in the eye and tell me that you wanna go.” She repeated. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you wanna be with him.” She finished as she looked at JJ so intently that she could swear the blonde was going to fall apart right there and then.
“I can’t… “ Was all JJ managed to say as she slid her hand out of Emily’s and turned her head away from the brunette. She knew she wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye and say it. She could never lie to Emily and she knew this time was gonna be no different. And she knew she had to get away as soon as possible, or another touch or look from Emily and she would break. And as she left Emily’s apartment and walked into the night, she knew she was walking away from something amazing and she hated herself for not being strong enough to fight for it.