Autobiographical again: Once more with feeling, for Brigits Flame

[wierdauntie]

          My sister has white blonde hair, the burnished moonlight shade that starts from silvery roots. That hair almost cost her her life. The rest of it was my fault. Or so I thought at the time.

We grew up in Hawaii, and in 1973 I was eight. We were at a party at a beach house with a long sloping lawn. The adults milled around the

Comments

[outnorthern]

someone's infused with the "spirit"...(doing a lot of fine writing)

I was fishing with my two year old. I had a line in the water; he was above me playing on the hill...or so I thought. I was trying to stick the pole in the mud so I could go up and be with him. By the time I turned around he was nowhere to be seen. I never known Terror until that day. I scrambled, yelling, searching, not knowing where to turn, and thinking the worst. I was helpless and needed to knock on doors when another father yelled out to me..."he's o.k.... he's down here". Then I seen my ventursome little camoflauged boy turning the far corner of our pond and heading for the boulder we always played on.

I know exactly how your mother felt!

[therealferret]

Sounds like her hair saved her life, rather. Darker hair, you probably couldn't even have seen her

[captain_blue]

Ah. Where are the words to describe. This story upset me. You and I are kindred in several ways, we both know. I hate pot with a passion, no amount of toleration or passiveness will alleviate the fact. The situation you described is the bane of my existence. Every adult in this story, every adult with children who engage in this "alternative" lifestyle, I burn to smack them in the face, shake them violently. Yell into their ears. I have a feeling you know exactly what I'm talking about. Probably, you are the only person I know who may ever really understand my total aversion to pot use.
But alas, life is what it is. I try hard to avoid parties and social settings in which kids are present but go unattended or ignored. Exposing children to alcohol and drug consumption is so beyond the realm of "OK" to me, it makes me literally sick. And when I cruise with people's kids it breaks my heart to hear how mom and dad's choices affect them. So I'll do the only thing I can do and simply be the change I want to see.

[wierdauntie]

Thank you for letting yourself feel that anger again with me. Of course as an adult I wonder, "what the hell??" I was 8 years old, and consumed with guilt, and thought it was my fault. What about all the adults drinking and smoking??? Both my parents were there, but I couldn't find my dad in my memories at all.

So yeah. These things shape who we become and this is one more reason why I work with kids, and NOT with substance abuse counseling.

[alabasterfalcon]

Hi, I'm an editor for this piece, I'm sorry its so late, I must have missed the post while trying to nurse my family back to health

[lee_terati]

That was a very traumatic experience for you, I'm sure. I'm glad it turned all right.

Just a few minor things:

1. My long hair hung down and floated on the water like red seaweed.

2. “Bonny drowned,” I said baldly. Did you mean without expression, like someone in shock? Should it be blandly? I've never seen baldly used like that, but, if this is the case, please ignore my suggestion.

3. It didn’t matter what he said - I would have welcomed a beating. Dash or a semi-colon instead of the comma.

This was a very nice piece. Good luck!

[wierdauntie]

Thanks so much for the edit. Yes on the red seaweed; and "baldly" can be used like "abruptly" or "flatly"- without adornment or modification. And later I took the beating line out entirely; felt it was superfluous. The community has really helped tighten up my writing; I wonder if you feel the same?

[lee_terati]

I joined the comm a couple of months ago (and made it to the end, yay!), but I haven't been able to write since then. The only way I've been active lately is by editing. I hope I can have some time to write again soon, because I would love to have concrit on my stuff, too.