BSG Fic announcement: The Absolutely, Positively True (Sort Of) Fictional Adventures...part 2
Title: The Absolutely, Positively True (Sort Of) Fictional Adventures of Hot Pilots in Love
Author: Widget
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: set shortly after “Final Cut” (episode 2.08). Hard spoilers for that episode
Summary: Truth is stranger than fiction and sometimes both can benefit from a little editorial intervention
Posted in parts due to length
Notes and Part One are here
Part Two
Most people think that Kara Thrace is unpredictable, which is true to a certain extent. Kara is famous for her out of the box thinking, for her unconventional and unexpected behavior. She’s always been a bit of a loose cannon and this tendency, as much as her uncanny skill in the cockpit and her brazen disregard for regulations is what makes Starbuck who she is.
For Lee, though, Kara’s seeming unpredictability is the norm. He actually draws a degree of comfort from that fact. It’s reassuring to know that Kara is Kara and that even a full scale apocalypse can’t change her.
Every now and then, however, Kara, still manages to throw him a curveball that knocks him on his ass
“I’m pregnant.”
Yeah, like that.
Lee looks up from the duty roster to see Kara standing just inside the hatch to his office, staring at him with wide, solemn eyes.
“Whaa…?” he clears his throat and tries again. “What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
That’s what he thought she said.
“Are you sure?”
Kara nods. “And you’re the father.”
Lee can literally feel the color drain from his face. “But…we’ve never…”
He stares at her, dumbstruck, and she gazes back at him with the same somber expression. Apparently, Kara’s startling announcement has short-circuited his brain because it takes him a few seconds to grasp its full ramifications. He feels himself sag back into his chair in relief.
“Very funny, Kara.”
She gives him a full-fledged grin. “I thought so. You are so easy, Lee.”
His eyes narrow as realization dawns. “You’re reading it again, aren’t you?”
“Guilty as charged,” Kara says, perching herself on the edge of Lee’s desk and depositing several pages from the infamous Full Throttle before him.
Lee eyes the pages warily. “When last we spoke, you were shouting character assassination from the rooftops and now you’re reading it, apparently of your own volition. What gives?”
Kara shrugs. “I decided you were right.”
Now Lee eyes her warily. That’s not a confession Kara makes lightly and usually not unless she’s under duress. “Wait, let me find a calendar,” he says, making a show out of searching his desk. “I think this momentous event needs to be recorded for posterity.”
She punches him on the arm; she pulls most of the force but it still hurts.
“Owww,” he mutters peevishly. “Frak it, Kara. What happened to that famous Thrace sense of humor?”
“I left it in my other flight suit.”
He shakes his head, amused in spite of himself. “So, before your sudden, and frankly unwarranted, burst of violence, you were about to admit I was actually right about something. What exactly would that be?”
“This,” she says, gesturing at the document she had just placed on his desk. “Like you said, it’s a work of fiction. I’m not Mara Pace and she’s not me. So I decided that rather than get all bent out of shape over it, maybe I should just loosen up and go with it.”
“That’s very…adult…of you, Kara.”
“I thought so.”
“And it doesn’t bother you that someone is writing fiction about a character that’s clearly based on you?”
She shrugged again. “Nah, not really. Honestly, apart from a few superficial similarities, Mara is nothing like me. Besides, this story is total crack. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. You should read it, Lee. It’s a hoot.”
“I think I’ll pass.”
“No, no. You should totally read it. If nothing else, you could take notes. That Vee is quite the stud.”
“Thanks,” he replies dryly, even as feels his own lips stretching into a smile to match the one currently gracing Kara’s face.
“Seriously, I’m thinking Vee must have super sperm or something because Mara has to be taking the birth control supplements, right? I mean, no sane pilot would stop taking them unless they wanted to get pregnant.”
“Well, there is the issue of the particular pilot’s sanity, of course…”
“Ha ha,” she replies, but for once doesn’t seem inclined to take offense. “So, if she’s taking the supplements - and unless she wants to get her flight status revoked she is - then Vee’s sperm must be Olympiad quality swimmers, impervious to the most reliable birth control method known to Colonial science. Apart from complete abstinence of course.”
“Of course,” he echoes wryly. This is one conversation he can honestly say he never envisioned having with Kara. It’s kind of funny, actually, if a little disturbing, so he tries to move it along. “So, is Vee going to do the honorable thing and marry Mara now that he’s gotten her pregnant?”
“Dunno. She hasn’t told him she’s knocked up yet. I think she’s still wigged about the sudden reappearance of one of Vee’s old flames in the civilian fleet. I think she’s afraid he’ll think it’s all a ploy to trap him.
“Huh. It sounds like quite the soap opera.”
“You have no idea. Our lives have never been this interesting.”
“I’m thinking that’s a good thing.”
She shoots him a wry grin. “Maybe.” She hops off his desk and heads towards the hatch. “Well, I’ve got CAP in half an hour. Se ya later, bossman.”
“I think you forgot something,” Lee says, waving the pages at her.
Kara gives him an airy wave in response. “I’ve finished reading that chapter. Give it a chance, Lee. You might even enjoy it.”
And with that, Kara is gone, leaving a very bemused Lee Adama in her wake. He stares at the pages in his hand, prudence waging war with curiosity. He knows he shouldn’t waste his time; he’s got too little of it as it is. But now he’s kind of curious in spite of himself. His eyes shift from the story still clutched in his hand and the paperwork stacked on his desk awaiting his attention and back again.
Frak it. Kara’s right. He could use a break. After all, what harm could it do?
Lee settles in to read the latest installment of the adventures of Mara and Vee.
[][][]
“You’ll never get away with this!” Vee said, his eyes flashing azure fire.
Tim Kerzan, the leader of the group of would-be terrorists, gave a maniacal laugh, madness shining in his eyes. “Oh, but I will, Adonis! I’ll topple the government and take control of the fleet and all will obey me!” He laughed again maniacally.
Vee had to stop these maniacs somehow! He needed to free the hostages and thwart their nefarious plan to take control of the fleet. His body ached from the brutal beating he’d received at their hands, but he wouldn’t, couldn’t, let that stand in his way. There had to be a way!
Vee knew he had buy more time until the rescue team arrived from the Solaria. He knew his father, Commander Dodonna, wouldn’t just abandon them to this madman.
“Think about what you’re doing!” he said, hoping to keep Kerzan distracted long enough for the reinforcements to arrive. “You can’t just overthrow the democratic government! People won’t stand for it!”
“People are weak, Adonis! They need a strong leader, someone like me! Oh, I may need to kill a few thousand people to get my point across, but eventually they’ll see the wisdom of following me. I’ll be their savior!”
Kerzan laughed again before he leaned closer, his eyes intent. “You could join us, Adonis.”
Vee stared at Kerzan in shock. He really was mad! Vee raised his chin and glared at the man standing in front of him.
“I’ll never join you!” he replied defiantly, knowing that those words would be his death warrant. He didn’t care; Vee would never abandon his principles. He’d sooner die than join this madman in his insane quest for power.
Kerzan gave him a sad smile. “So be it. I’m afraid there’s no choice no but to kill you.”
Kerzan gestured towards one of his goons holding a gun. The man moved forward, raising his gun towards Vee’s head. Vee closed his eyes and conjured the image of his beloved Mara.
‘I love you, Mara. In this life and beyond.’
Suddenly there was a great explosion. Vee knew instantly that it was the rescue team. The time for action had come!
Leaping to his feet, he easily disarmed the goon who was about to kill him, only to find that Kerzan was there pointing a gun at him. But before the man could pull the trigger, someone pressed a gun to the back of Kerzan’s head.
“Drop it, or this is the last breath you’ll ever take!”
Mara!
Vee smiled at the sound of that familiar and much loved voice.
Kerzan was mad, but he didn’t want to die. He dropped his gun and let himself be handcuffed and led away by the burly marines from Solaria. Soon, only Vee and Mara were left.
Mara holstered her gun and ran forward. Tenderly, she cradled Vee’s brusied, battered and bloody face in her hands. “Your hurt!”
Vee gazed into her beautiful face. “It’s nothing. Barely a scratch,” he assured her.
Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears that made her green eyes sparkle like emeralds. “Oh, Vee! I was so worried we wouldn’t get to you in time!”
Vee smiled, wrapping his arms around his beloved’s slender waist. “I never doubted you for a second,” he said before kissing her passionately.
That passage had been marked with several exclamation marks and a smiley face that looks distinctly sarcastic, if a smiley face could be said to smirk. Given the artist, Lee thinks it’s entirely possible.
Setting the pages aside, Lee takes a moment to contemplate Tom Zarek’s likely reaction if he ever got the chance to read this story. Lee can’t help but smile as he imagines the look on Zarek’s face.
Kara was right when she said he’d get a kick out of this chapter. This is even better than chapter thirty-six in which Mara and Vee single-handedly took down a Cylon base crawling with Centurions. He frowns, mentally corrects himself; chapter thirty five. Thirty-six was the one where they’d undergone a gender swap during their sleep. Lee had known that chapter was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but he’d still been a little wigged out by it all the same.
As for the rest of the current installment, well, although it’s highly entertaining it doesn’t exactly match Lee’s own recollection of events, apart from the bit where he got the crap beaten out of him. Solicitous isn’t exactly the word he would have used to describe Kara’s mood when she’d made her appearance on the Astral Queen. Pissed as hell, maybe, but solicitous? No way. She’d been far too busy bitching at Lee for screwing up her shot and then later over the deal he’d brokered with Zarek and the other prisoners to have much energy to spare for sympathy. Lee certainly doesn’t recall Kara tenderly cradling his face as she fretted and fussed over his injuries. And Lee most assuredly doesn’t recall a steaming hot sexual encounter following his release from sick bay.
Lee might have sustained a mild concussion thanks to Zarek’s goons, but he’s pretty sure he would remember that without any prompting.
It’s a work of fiction, Lee, remember? a little voice that sounds suspiciously like Kara chimes in. You might be the model, but you’re not Vee. Try to keep up.
Right. Of course. What was he thinking?
Lee has to admit that whoever the author is, she - or he - doesn’t lack for imagination. Over the course of the fifty-two chapters of Full Throttle that have been written thus far, Mara and Vee have faced and overcome virtually every conceivable threat possible: Cylon Raiders, terrorists, sleeper agents, vengeful past lovers, vengeful would-be lovers, hypothermia, blindness, amnesia, comas, assassination attempts, conspiracies, Cylon boarding parties, crashed ships, lack of privacy, bad food and a tragic shortage of chocolate sauce. Still, no matter how grave the situation, no matter how many tears are shed or Cylons get killed, the reader can rest assured that by chapter’s end Mara and Vee would be having intense and occasionally highly acrobatic sex.
At least someone is getting laid. Too bad it isn’t him.
Don’t go there, Lee.
Suddenly needing a distraction. Lee pushes away from his desk and decides to head for the mess. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he leaves the haven of his office.
It’s close to evening watch and the corridors are bustling with personnel as he makes his way from his office near the flight deck towards the officers’ mess. He keeps a pleasant smile plastered on his face and does his best to ignore the smirks and speculative looks and above all the unspoken questions directed his way.
He hears a snicker as he passes and does his best not to sigh. They’d never warned him about this in flight school.
The Galactica is a textbook closed society and like any closed society it thrives on rumor. Gossip is not only a source of information it’s a much needed distraction as well. Lee has served on enough ships to know that there was no stopping the rumor mill and sooner or later everyone ended up as grist.
When he’d first arrived on Galactica he’d been something of a novelty, an outsider who’d suddenly appeared in their tightly self-contained environment. He felt a little like some exotic animal introduced into a local zoo, submitted to the gawping scrutiny of the residents. That he was the commander’s son inevitably made him a subject of interest and that interest had only increased once it had become apparent that he and Starbuck had some kind of history. Since neither he nor Kara had gone out of their way to explain their relationship - it wasn’t anyone’s business, and really how the hell could he explain it to anyone else when he couldn’t entirely explain it to himself? - the rumors had flown thick and fast, especially during those first weeks.
As the weeks had passed, so had the bulk of the speculation for which Lee had been grateful.
That was until Moondoe and Adonis arrived on the scene and gave the rumor mill a jumpstart of nuclear proportions.
He turns a corner and almost walks into Dee and Ensign Davies. Reflexes honed from hours in the cockpit allow him to arrest his forward motion before they collide and his hands each out to clasp Dee’s arms above the elbow, steadying her.
“You okay, Dee?”
She smiles at him, all white teeth and bubbling amusement. “Yes, sir.”
There’s something like mischief gleaming in her eyes and Lee releases her arms and takes a step back. “Good, that’s good,” he says inanely. “Ensign,” he adds with a nod before heading back along his path. He hears the smothered laughter and knows he shouldn’t look, but he can’t help himself. He turns his head and sure enough, both Dee and Ensign Davies are checking out his ass, quite brazenly, too.
That isn’t entirely new; it’s even kind of flattering, in fact. The way Dee winks and Davies’ grin widens, though, are definitely new. Such is the life of a reluctant pseudo porn star.
Lee walks away as fast as he can without looking like he’s fleeing the scene. He’s not entirely sure he succeeds.
He wonders how Kara handles this aspect of their literary fame. Apparently better than he is.
Lee is still a little surprised by the complete one-eighty Kara has done on the subject of their fictional counterparts. After she’d gotten over the initial outrage, Kara had become remarkably accepting. More, even; she’d embraced Full Throttle with an almost alarming zeal, voraciously reading every chapter as it made the rounds and cackling gleefully over the most recent escapades of Mara and Vee.
Of course, Kara being Kara, she’d wanted to share the joy. Every few days, Lee enters his office only to find a copy of the newest chapter sitting on the desk, duly annotated by the story’s most avid and discerning reader, Kara herself.
The commentary is definitely worth the price of admission. Many a dogfight scene has been accompanied by an observation like No frakking way! You’d fry your afterburners pulling that move! or Cylons might be machines, but they’re not that inept! hastily scrawled in red ink in the margins.
But it’s the sex scenes that receive the most attention. Apparently, Kara has grave misgivings as to the author’s understanding of basic human biology and Lee can see why. There the comments range from the practical like I’m not sure that six times in under two hour is humanly possible! or I’m not double jointed, FFS! to questions of terminology: It’s a vagina not ‘the very core of her womanhood’! and the ever popular ’his pulsing staff of manliness’!!!!!
Even Lee hadn’t been able to keep a straight face for that one.
Privately, Lee will admit to enjoying Kara’s running commentary, even if some of the remarks are at his expense. Kara’s never been one to pass up a chance to tease him and Full Throttle just provides all kinds of tempting opportunities.
Hey, Lee, can you make a woman ‘howl like a banshee’? We could sell tickets if you could!
Note: Ask Lee if he’s double-jointed.
Oh Lee Vee! You are such a hunk of manliness!!!
Comparing the superhuman prowess of Adonis with the more mundane, though as yet mysterious abilities of his alter ego Apollo seems to have become Kara’s new favorite pastime. It’s both amusing and kind of alarming.
He’s glad that Kara has found a way to deal with her unwanted celebrity status before somebody ended in sickbay and she ended up in hack. Making light of the situation is certainly a more mature and healthy response than cracking heads and Lee is pleasantly surprised that Kara has, for once, decided to take his advice and take the high road.
Lee just wishes he could do the same.
It certainly isn’t for want of trying; if nothing else, the recent towel incident, had taught him the value of just turning the other cheek and biting his tongue until the furor dies down. Unfortunately, the Moondoe and Adonis phenomenon shows no signs of tapering off any time soon and so he’s stuck. And with each passing day, it becomes just a little bit harder to just shrug it all off.
It’s not just his unwanted celebrity status or his unexpected - and frankly unearned - reputation as a Viper sex god that bothers him, though that’s part of it. Although it’s flattering, it does, well, raise expectations to rather ridiculous levels. And while Lee has never received any complaints about either his technique or his stamina, he’s pretty sure that even at his peak, long before he’d ever become CAG and double shifts and no sleep became the norm, he’d never been able to get it up six times in two hours. And no doubt Kara would be disappointed to learn that no, he’d never made a woman howl, though not for lack of trying. He is also not even remotely double jointed.
Of course, the fact that the only sex partner Lee has had in the past six months is his own right hand just adds another level of irony to the whole situation.
Either the Gods really, really hate him or they have a really twisted sense of humor. Lee rather suspects it’s both.
The mess is half full when he arrives. He grabs a tray and considers the dinner options, tries to decide which is most likely to stay down once he consumes it. He goes with the soup. It’s usually the safest option, as well as the easiest to hurl if his stomach decides to protest later. The fresh fruit is a pleasant surprise and an apple joins the soup and the cup of what passes for coffee.
Scanning the room, his eyes fall upon Racetrack, Frosty and Windup. They’re engaged in an animated discussion and as he approaches, he can overhear some of it.
“Well, I think it was him.”
“You always blame everything on that Gods damned terrorist, Windup,” Racetrack scoffs. “Personally, I think it had to have been the XO’s wife.”
“No frakkin’ way! She couldn’t even program a vid recorder, let alone sabotage a complex piece of equipment like the Cylon detector.”
Lee feels his blood run cold as the full import of their words hit home. Why hadn’t he been informed of such a major breach in ship’s security?
“Someone tampered with the Cylon detector?”
All three pilots look up at him with expressions shading between surprise, confusion and embarrassment. An awkward silence stretches between them. “Yes, sir,” Racetrack replies, shooting her companions a filthy look as they continue to stare at their plates in resolute silence. “Dr. Meldar’s Cylon detector was tampered with in the most recent chapter of…” her voice trails off and her cheeks color a little.
Lee’s eyes drift to the death of pages next to Windup’s tray. Of course. In that moment he can’t decide whether he wants to crawl under the table in embarrassment or simply hit himself over the head with his tray. Repeatedly. And preferably until he achieves a blissfully comatose state.
Good one, Lee.
He smiles, tries to not look like an idiot. Or at least less of an idiot. “Ah, I haven’t gotten to that one yet.”
“You’re reading it, sir?” three pairs of eyes stare up at him in surprise.
“I hadn’t planned on it, but, well, Lieutenant Thrace had other ideas.”
As soon as he says it, he knows he should have kept his big mouth shut. Racetrack’s expression becomes decidedly knowing and Lee really regrets he didn’t make better use of his dinner tray.
“We’ve been having a good laugh over it.”
“Of course, sir,” she replies soothingly, though her lips are twitching from the urge to smile.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me.”
“Of course, sir.”
Tray still clutched in a white knuckled grip, Lee desperately casts about looking for someplace to sit where he can hopefully avoid conversation about Full Throttle, which is now officially the bane of his existence, outranking Cylon boarding parties, Ellen Tigh, coffee shortages and even Kara when she’s been grounded for longer than two days. He spies Gaeta and Kelly hunched over some diagram and feels a sense of relief. At least someone is more interested in ship’s business than a dreadful piece of fiction. He heads in their direction.
“Mind if I join you?”
They both look up, startled, obviously so preoccupied they hadn’t heard his approach.
“Of course not, sir,” Gaeta replies, and if there’s something less than enthusiastic in his voice, Lee just chalks it up to the presence of a senior officer. He probably wouldn’t be all that thrilled if Colonel Tigh joined him for dinner. But then Tigh came with a whole different host of issues that Lee prefers not to consider.
He sets his tray down and takes a seat next to Kelly who, Lee notes absently, shoots him a quick, awkward glance, before gazing resolutely at the diagram of what appears to be C causeway. Gaeta gives him a nervous smile, which Lee returns in kind, before taking a sip of coffee.
A sip that Lee nearly chokes on a second later as Gaeta picks up the conversation that Lee had interrupted.
“All right, so we know Dr. Meldar’s lab is on deck C. Now since there’s already been one bombing attempt on C causeway, there are marines stationed here and here,” Gaeta explains, marking the diagram in illustration. “So how could anyone gain access?”
“Through the ventilation shaft,” Kelly replies, pointing towards air ducts. “Which means it would have to have been someone with a slender build. Like Lieutenant Godot, the senior officer of the watch,” he adds smugly.
Gaeta’s eyes narrow. “Or, maybe the saboteur didn’t use the ventilation system at all. Maybe he went through the front door, which would mean someone with a higher security clearance. Someone like Captain Green, the LSO, for example.”
Kelly glares back at Gaeta and suddenly Lee’s not all that hungry anymore. He makes a show of looking at his watch.
“Oh, hey, look at the time. I’ve got some paperwork to do. If you’ll excuse me,” he says, standing and grabbing his tray. They mutter an acknowledgement and when Lee looks back, they’re both engaged in an apparently heated debate.
Lee sighs. It’s official; the Gods really do hate him.
He dumps his tray, but takes the coffee and the apple with him back to his officer.
Turning the corner, he barely avoids his second head on collision of the day. This time, it’s the other party that steadies him. He hisses as some of the coffee spills across his hand and when he looks up, he finds Kara studying him with an expression that’s equal parts amusement and concern.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” he says, pressing the scalded hand to his mouth. “Coffee’s a little hot.”
He’s surprised when Kara gently takes his hand, the mug still in his grip, to look at the patch of inflamed skin.
“Skin’s a little pink, but it doesn’t look like you burned yourself too badly.”
Lee blinks, as surprised by the unexpected, but not unwelcome, show of solicitude, as he is by the gentle caress of her thumb back and forth across his skin. It’s remarkably soothing and by the time she releases his hand, the sting has vanished entirely.
“Where are you headed?”
He grimaces. “Back to my office. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to catch up on.” It’s not entirely true, but it’s not exactly a lie, either.
She shakes her head and when Lee starts walking again, she falls into step beside him. “You work too hard, Lee.”
Lee gives a short laugh. “Hello, pot; this is kettle calling. You work just as hard as I do.”
She shakes her head again. “I’d argue that point, but I know it will only end in tears. So, did you enjoy chapter fifty-two?”
Her grin, as always, is infectious. “Yeah, I did. Thanks,” he says chuckling.
“I told you you’d get a kick out of it.” Kara’s smile turns mischievous. “I’d give every cubit I own to see the look on Zarek’s face after he read that!”
He meets her roguish look with one of his own, not surprised in the least to hear his own thoughts echoed back at him. She just has that knack.
“I hear a new chapter is out. Something about someone tampering with Dr. Meldar’s Cylon detector?”
Kara comes to a sudden halt. “Who spilled?”
“No one,” Lee frowns, surprised by her irritation. “I just happened to overhear some people talking in the mess.”
“Well, that’s just rude,” she says, starting to walk again.
He hurries to catch up. “What is?”
“Spoiling it for other people like that!”
“It wasn’t intentional.”
“Still, it’s frakking inconsiderate.”
“Inconsiderate,” he says, drawing the word out. “You’ve never been one for social niceties before, Kara. What gives?”
She shoots him a dirty look. Not wanting to fight, he offers her an apologetic smile. “So, since I’ve already been spoiled, what exactly happens in chapter fifty-three?”
She studies him for a moment and shrugs. “Well, Vee gets tested and the results say he’s a Cylon.”
“Really? Well, that would certainly explain his freakish stamina, wouldn’t it?” He pauses. “I assume it’s not true.”
“Nope, after almost twenty pages of angst and drama, it’s discovered that someone tampered with the Cylon detector to make it appear that Vee is a toaster.”
“I bet Mara was freaked.”
Kara nods. “It makes her reaction to the whole ‘Vee gets captured and tortured by Cylons’ thing back in chapter forty-one look like a case of the vapors.”
“So, who’s the saboteur?”
She shrugs. “No one knows, though, there’s a lot of speculation.”
“Yeah, that’s the impression I got. So, who do you think did it?”
“My money’s on Dr. Meldar.”
“Really?”
“Yep. The guy’s a weasel and he’s had the hots for Mara ever since that time she foolishly slept with him…”
A look of panic flickers across Kara’s features and Lee can almost hear the Oh frak! she has to be thinking. By mutual unspoken agreement, Baltar and the whole Colonial Day debacle is one topic they do not discuss or even acknowledge. Ever. Denial probably isn’t the best or most mature response to the incident and what transpired in the aftermath, but it works for them. Usually. No way in Hell is Lee going to revisit that mess now, not if he can avoid it.
“Yeah, Dr. Meldar makes sense,” he says, trying to sound casual. “He has access, the know how and he’s kind of squirrelly. Maybe the voices in his head told him to do it.”
Kara shoots him a grateful look. “Yeah. Lords know, it wouldn’t be the craziest thing the author has come up with. Well, we’re here.”
Lee gives her a puzzled look then follows her gaze. They were standing outside his office door and he hadn’t even noticed. Yep, he was really on the ball today.
“I should let you get back to your exciting paperwork, sir,” she says, smiling.
“Yeah. And I guess I should let you get back to your annotations. I can’t wait to get chapter fifty-three.”
Her smile widens. “Really?”
“Absolutely. We’re running low on toilet paper in the officers’ head. It’s nice to have something on hand just in case.”
He’s rewarded with a bark of laughter and a playful swat on the arm.
“Later, Lee,” she says as she heads down the corridor, tossing a small wave over her shoulder. He watches her departure until she rounds the corner. And if he noticed the way her fatigues clung to her ass as she walked, well, that was nobody’s business but his own.
[][][]
Lee walks to his office, though staggers might be a more accurate assessment. After a twelve hour CAP followed by another eight hours on shift in CIC, Lee wants nothing more than to collapse in his rack and sleep for at least a week. But he can’t and he won’t. Not yet at least. He still needs to finish tomorrow’s flight roster and submit it to Colonel Tigh before he can even think about hitting his rack.
The glamorous life of the CAG, indeed.
The half finished roster is sitting on his desk where he left it before suiting up for CAP, but it’s not alone. Sitting right along side it is a neat stack of pages bearing a hand written inscription. Lee smiles when he recognizes the untidy scrawl, accompanied by a sloppy smiley face.
Lee,
Here’s chapter fifty-seven. You’re going to love page 10!
Enjoy!
K
He drops tiredly into his chair, picks up a pen and reviews the roster. When he scribbles Starbuck’s name into the remaining slot on the midshift CAP, he finds his eyes drifting over to the stack of papers sitting at his elbow. Maybe it’s his imagination, but that smiley face almost seems to be mocking him. He scrubs a hand over his face and looks at it again. Yep, it’s definitely smirking up at him.
He looks over at the nearly finished roster, back to the chapter sitting so demurely nearby, then back to the roster again. Maybe a little peek won’t hurt.
He flips to page ten and immediately sees why it amused Kara so much.
”Oh, Vee,” Helen Bligh, gushed as she draped herself across Vee’s manly chest, curling one pink lacquered hand around his taught bicep. “You’re so handsome and brave and strong. I feel so much safer knowing you’re nearby.”
She pressed even closer, rubbing her other hand lower, the gesture far too intimate.
Vee looked about in near panic. The XO’s wife had planned her ambush carefully, trapping him in a small alcove, just out of sight. No one would find them.
“Ma’am,” Vee said, always polite, as he tried to extricate himself with no success as Mrs. Bligh clung to him like a parasite. “Your married! This isn’t appropriate!”
“Oh, don’t worry. Paul doesn’t mind.” Her hand drifted lower. “Kiss me Adonis! Show me the pleasures of Olympus!”
Suddenly Helen Bligh’s mouth was crushed against his. He flailed about helplessly, trying to push her away. And then someone pulled her off him. Vee blinked then smiled gratefully at the sight of Mara, her emerald eyes blazing with fury.
“Get your frakking hands off him, you bitch!” she yelled before landing her fist square in the middle of Mrs. Bligh’s garishly made-up face. She dropped to the deck unconscience.
“Mara!” Vee cried as he leapt over Mrs. Bligh’s body to embrace his beloved. “Thank the Gods for saving me from her!”
Mara smiled brilliantly. “No one gropes my man but me!” she said before kissing Vee with all the fury and passion of a hurricane.
The words If only I could get away with that! appear in red ink in the margin. Lee’s sure she’s talking about decking Ellen Tigh and not about kissing him. Well, pretty sure.
Unfortunately.
He knows he should finish the roster, but the chapter isn’t really that long. He might as well just finish it and be done with the distraction. That’s his justification and he plans to stick with it.
The present chapter is no better or worse than those that preceded it. Apart from Vee’s unfortunate encounter with the lecherous Mrs. Bligh, there’s some vague political intrigue brewing, though the author seems strangely disinterested in her own plot. It’s simply something to fill the pages until s/he can manage to insert the steamy sex scene which s/he finally does on page thirty-two.
Lee knows from experience that he should put the pages down right frakking now but he can never quite help himself. He keeps reading.
Vee walks through the door to the showers.
He smiles at Kara’s comment “It’s a frakking hatch not a door! H-A-T-C-H!!!!” scribbled messily in the margin before continuing.
Do to the lateness of the hour, they’re empty. All but one stall. The sound of rushing water and the seductive promise of what was hidden within drew the handsome young CAG further into the room.
She was there.
As always, Vee’s breath caught in his throat at the sheer breathtaking beauty of her. Away from other eyes, Vee allows his eyes to roam freely over the sexy curves of Mara’s sexy body as the water drips from her gilded hair to trail down her soft alabaster skin.
His mouth watered at the site and Vee wants nothing more than to bury himself within her soft, exquisite body.
“Mara.” Vee whispered her name like a prayer.
She turned at the sound of her name and smiled at him, her emerald green eyes bright with lust. She extended a hand towards him. “Vee,” she purred in a low, sexy voice.
Helplessly, Vee moved towards her, unable to resist this beautiful siren. Rapping his arms around her he pulled her slender but curvy body close. “Oh, baby, I love you.”
“I love you, too, angel.”
Their passion ignited, their bodies lit a conflagration of burning passion that consumed them both until they were joined, one soul, one body for all eternity.
Lee groans, but not entirely in response to the florid prose. Initially, he’d thought that the worst part about this story was that other readers would start picturing him and Kara playing out the amorous - and entirely fictitious - adventures contained within its pages.
He was wrong. There’s something even worse.
Him doing it.
He tries not to, of course, but apparently his subconscious really hates him because it keeps cheerfully throwing up accompanying visuals for whatever passage he’s reading. It’s rather alarming, in fact, to realize just how many visuals of Kara he has stored up in his memory, far more than he ever would have realized.
And since his mind is being so cooperative, it seemed just as eager to fudge the occasional discrepancies between the fictional Mara and her living, breathing, highly irritating counterpart to ease the transition. Little things mostly, like changing brilliant emerald eyes to hazel, or replacing a demure smile with a broad wolfish grin, or a tinkling laugh with a loud guffaw. The character on the pages might bear little resemblance to the woman he knows, but the one inhabiting Lee’s imagination is a little too close for comfort and a world away all at once.
Mara Pace is not Kara Thrace, but every once in a while he finds himself wondering what it might be like if she were, just a little. Not entirely, of course because Kara’s right, Mara is kind of a wuss and he likes the fact that Kara isn’t. He likes that Kara is loud and brash and rude and volatile. He likes that she has a temper and a mouth on her that would make a veteran marine blush. He likes that she won’t take shit from anybody, least of all him and that she will never hesitate to tell him when he’s being an ass. He likes that no matter what, she will always have his back.
Even so, sometimes he finds himself wondering what it might be like to feel her soft and pliant against him, her skin warm and silken beneath his hands as she writhes and pants, her face twisting in pleasure as she gasps out his name. Lee, Lee…
“Lee!”
His eyes snap open to find Kara standing on the other side of his desk, hands on hips, her face puckered in a frown. He blinks and responds with all the coherency he can muster.
“Huh?”
She rolls his eyes at him. “Where the hell were you? I called your name three times but you never answered.”
Lee digs the heels of both hands into his eye sockets. “Sorry. I’m just really tired.”
Her expression softens at once. “You look like hell, Lee.”
“Thanks. I knew I could count on you to make me feel better.”
“You should be in your rack.”
“Can’t,” he says, scrubbing vigorously at his face again. “I’ve got to finish the flight roster.”
“I can finish it for you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m the CAG.”
He reaches for the roster, but fatigue slows him down and Kara snatches it away first. He protests, but she just shushes him, reviewing the list with a critical eye.
“There’s only two shifts that need to be filled in. I can do this, Lee.”
“It’s my responsibility.”
“Don’t be such a stubborn frakhead!”
“Well, when you put it like that...”
She rolls her eyes again, but her expression is oddly affectionate. “Let me do this for you, Lee.”
He wants to fight her on this, but frankly he has neither the energy nor the will. She’s right; he is being a stubborn frakhead, but old habits die hard. He acquiesces with a sigh.
“All right, you win,” he says, levering himself out of his chair. “You’ll need to forward it to Colonel Tigh…”
“I know procedure, Lee. I am your second after all.”
“Right, of course.”
“Now, get the hell out of here before I sic Cottle on you.”
“Sir, yes, sir,” he replies, throwing her a sloppy salute that makes her smile.
He heads towards the hatch and when he turns she’s sitting at his desk, pen in hand and her lower lip trapped between her teeth as she completes the flight roster. He can’t help but smile at the sight.
Mara Pace is not Kara Thrace and Lee decides that for the most part that’s a very good thing, indeed.
Author: Widget
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: set shortly after “Final Cut” (episode 2.08). Hard spoilers for that episode
Summary: Truth is stranger than fiction and sometimes both can benefit from a little editorial intervention
Posted in parts due to length
Notes and Part One are here
Part Two
Most people think that Kara Thrace is unpredictable, which is true to a certain extent. Kara is famous for her out of the box thinking, for her unconventional and unexpected behavior. She’s always been a bit of a loose cannon and this tendency, as much as her uncanny skill in the cockpit and her brazen disregard for regulations is what makes Starbuck who she is.
For Lee, though, Kara’s seeming unpredictability is the norm. He actually draws a degree of comfort from that fact. It’s reassuring to know that Kara is Kara and that even a full scale apocalypse can’t change her.
Every now and then, however, Kara, still manages to throw him a curveball that knocks him on his ass
“I’m pregnant.”
Yeah, like that.
Lee looks up from the duty roster to see Kara standing just inside the hatch to his office, staring at him with wide, solemn eyes.
“Whaa…?” he clears his throat and tries again. “What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
That’s what he thought she said.
“Are you sure?”
Kara nods. “And you’re the father.”
Lee can literally feel the color drain from his face. “But…we’ve never…”
He stares at her, dumbstruck, and she gazes back at him with the same somber expression. Apparently, Kara’s startling announcement has short-circuited his brain because it takes him a few seconds to grasp its full ramifications. He feels himself sag back into his chair in relief.
“Very funny, Kara.”
She gives him a full-fledged grin. “I thought so. You are so easy, Lee.”
His eyes narrow as realization dawns. “You’re reading it again, aren’t you?”
“Guilty as charged,” Kara says, perching herself on the edge of Lee’s desk and depositing several pages from the infamous Full Throttle before him.
Lee eyes the pages warily. “When last we spoke, you were shouting character assassination from the rooftops and now you’re reading it, apparently of your own volition. What gives?”
Kara shrugs. “I decided you were right.”
Now Lee eyes her warily. That’s not a confession Kara makes lightly and usually not unless she’s under duress. “Wait, let me find a calendar,” he says, making a show out of searching his desk. “I think this momentous event needs to be recorded for posterity.”
She punches him on the arm; she pulls most of the force but it still hurts.
“Owww,” he mutters peevishly. “Frak it, Kara. What happened to that famous Thrace sense of humor?”
“I left it in my other flight suit.”
He shakes his head, amused in spite of himself. “So, before your sudden, and frankly unwarranted, burst of violence, you were about to admit I was actually right about something. What exactly would that be?”
“This,” she says, gesturing at the document she had just placed on his desk. “Like you said, it’s a work of fiction. I’m not Mara Pace and she’s not me. So I decided that rather than get all bent out of shape over it, maybe I should just loosen up and go with it.”
“That’s very…adult…of you, Kara.”
“I thought so.”
“And it doesn’t bother you that someone is writing fiction about a character that’s clearly based on you?”
She shrugged again. “Nah, not really. Honestly, apart from a few superficial similarities, Mara is nothing like me. Besides, this story is total crack. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. You should read it, Lee. It’s a hoot.”
“I think I’ll pass.”
“No, no. You should totally read it. If nothing else, you could take notes. That Vee is quite the stud.”
“Thanks,” he replies dryly, even as feels his own lips stretching into a smile to match the one currently gracing Kara’s face.
“Seriously, I’m thinking Vee must have super sperm or something because Mara has to be taking the birth control supplements, right? I mean, no sane pilot would stop taking them unless they wanted to get pregnant.”
“Well, there is the issue of the particular pilot’s sanity, of course…”
“Ha ha,” she replies, but for once doesn’t seem inclined to take offense. “So, if she’s taking the supplements - and unless she wants to get her flight status revoked she is - then Vee’s sperm must be Olympiad quality swimmers, impervious to the most reliable birth control method known to Colonial science. Apart from complete abstinence of course.”
“Of course,” he echoes wryly. This is one conversation he can honestly say he never envisioned having with Kara. It’s kind of funny, actually, if a little disturbing, so he tries to move it along. “So, is Vee going to do the honorable thing and marry Mara now that he’s gotten her pregnant?”
“Dunno. She hasn’t told him she’s knocked up yet. I think she’s still wigged about the sudden reappearance of one of Vee’s old flames in the civilian fleet. I think she’s afraid he’ll think it’s all a ploy to trap him.
“Huh. It sounds like quite the soap opera.”
“You have no idea. Our lives have never been this interesting.”
“I’m thinking that’s a good thing.”
She shoots him a wry grin. “Maybe.” She hops off his desk and heads towards the hatch. “Well, I’ve got CAP in half an hour. Se ya later, bossman.”
“I think you forgot something,” Lee says, waving the pages at her.
Kara gives him an airy wave in response. “I’ve finished reading that chapter. Give it a chance, Lee. You might even enjoy it.”
And with that, Kara is gone, leaving a very bemused Lee Adama in her wake. He stares at the pages in his hand, prudence waging war with curiosity. He knows he shouldn’t waste his time; he’s got too little of it as it is. But now he’s kind of curious in spite of himself. His eyes shift from the story still clutched in his hand and the paperwork stacked on his desk awaiting his attention and back again.
Frak it. Kara’s right. He could use a break. After all, what harm could it do?
Lee settles in to read the latest installment of the adventures of Mara and Vee.
[][][]
“You’ll never get away with this!” Vee said, his eyes flashing azure fire.
Tim Kerzan, the leader of the group of would-be terrorists, gave a maniacal laugh, madness shining in his eyes. “Oh, but I will, Adonis! I’ll topple the government and take control of the fleet and all will obey me!” He laughed again maniacally.
Vee had to stop these maniacs somehow! He needed to free the hostages and thwart their nefarious plan to take control of the fleet. His body ached from the brutal beating he’d received at their hands, but he wouldn’t, couldn’t, let that stand in his way. There had to be a way!
Vee knew he had buy more time until the rescue team arrived from the Solaria. He knew his father, Commander Dodonna, wouldn’t just abandon them to this madman.
“Think about what you’re doing!” he said, hoping to keep Kerzan distracted long enough for the reinforcements to arrive. “You can’t just overthrow the democratic government! People won’t stand for it!”
“People are weak, Adonis! They need a strong leader, someone like me! Oh, I may need to kill a few thousand people to get my point across, but eventually they’ll see the wisdom of following me. I’ll be their savior!”
Kerzan laughed again before he leaned closer, his eyes intent. “You could join us, Adonis.”
Vee stared at Kerzan in shock. He really was mad! Vee raised his chin and glared at the man standing in front of him.
“I’ll never join you!” he replied defiantly, knowing that those words would be his death warrant. He didn’t care; Vee would never abandon his principles. He’d sooner die than join this madman in his insane quest for power.
Kerzan gave him a sad smile. “So be it. I’m afraid there’s no choice no but to kill you.”
Kerzan gestured towards one of his goons holding a gun. The man moved forward, raising his gun towards Vee’s head. Vee closed his eyes and conjured the image of his beloved Mara.
‘I love you, Mara. In this life and beyond.’
Suddenly there was a great explosion. Vee knew instantly that it was the rescue team. The time for action had come!
Leaping to his feet, he easily disarmed the goon who was about to kill him, only to find that Kerzan was there pointing a gun at him. But before the man could pull the trigger, someone pressed a gun to the back of Kerzan’s head.
“Drop it, or this is the last breath you’ll ever take!”
Mara!
Vee smiled at the sound of that familiar and much loved voice.
Kerzan was mad, but he didn’t want to die. He dropped his gun and let himself be handcuffed and led away by the burly marines from Solaria. Soon, only Vee and Mara were left.
Mara holstered her gun and ran forward. Tenderly, she cradled Vee’s brusied, battered and bloody face in her hands. “Your hurt!”
Vee gazed into her beautiful face. “It’s nothing. Barely a scratch,” he assured her.
Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears that made her green eyes sparkle like emeralds. “Oh, Vee! I was so worried we wouldn’t get to you in time!”
Vee smiled, wrapping his arms around his beloved’s slender waist. “I never doubted you for a second,” he said before kissing her passionately.
That passage had been marked with several exclamation marks and a smiley face that looks distinctly sarcastic, if a smiley face could be said to smirk. Given the artist, Lee thinks it’s entirely possible.
Setting the pages aside, Lee takes a moment to contemplate Tom Zarek’s likely reaction if he ever got the chance to read this story. Lee can’t help but smile as he imagines the look on Zarek’s face.
Kara was right when she said he’d get a kick out of this chapter. This is even better than chapter thirty-six in which Mara and Vee single-handedly took down a Cylon base crawling with Centurions. He frowns, mentally corrects himself; chapter thirty five. Thirty-six was the one where they’d undergone a gender swap during their sleep. Lee had known that chapter was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but he’d still been a little wigged out by it all the same.
As for the rest of the current installment, well, although it’s highly entertaining it doesn’t exactly match Lee’s own recollection of events, apart from the bit where he got the crap beaten out of him. Solicitous isn’t exactly the word he would have used to describe Kara’s mood when she’d made her appearance on the Astral Queen. Pissed as hell, maybe, but solicitous? No way. She’d been far too busy bitching at Lee for screwing up her shot and then later over the deal he’d brokered with Zarek and the other prisoners to have much energy to spare for sympathy. Lee certainly doesn’t recall Kara tenderly cradling his face as she fretted and fussed over his injuries. And Lee most assuredly doesn’t recall a steaming hot sexual encounter following his release from sick bay.
Lee might have sustained a mild concussion thanks to Zarek’s goons, but he’s pretty sure he would remember that without any prompting.
It’s a work of fiction, Lee, remember? a little voice that sounds suspiciously like Kara chimes in. You might be the model, but you’re not Vee. Try to keep up.
Right. Of course. What was he thinking?
Lee has to admit that whoever the author is, she - or he - doesn’t lack for imagination. Over the course of the fifty-two chapters of Full Throttle that have been written thus far, Mara and Vee have faced and overcome virtually every conceivable threat possible: Cylon Raiders, terrorists, sleeper agents, vengeful past lovers, vengeful would-be lovers, hypothermia, blindness, amnesia, comas, assassination attempts, conspiracies, Cylon boarding parties, crashed ships, lack of privacy, bad food and a tragic shortage of chocolate sauce. Still, no matter how grave the situation, no matter how many tears are shed or Cylons get killed, the reader can rest assured that by chapter’s end Mara and Vee would be having intense and occasionally highly acrobatic sex.
At least someone is getting laid. Too bad it isn’t him.
Don’t go there, Lee.
Suddenly needing a distraction. Lee pushes away from his desk and decides to head for the mess. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he leaves the haven of his office.
It’s close to evening watch and the corridors are bustling with personnel as he makes his way from his office near the flight deck towards the officers’ mess. He keeps a pleasant smile plastered on his face and does his best to ignore the smirks and speculative looks and above all the unspoken questions directed his way.
He hears a snicker as he passes and does his best not to sigh. They’d never warned him about this in flight school.
The Galactica is a textbook closed society and like any closed society it thrives on rumor. Gossip is not only a source of information it’s a much needed distraction as well. Lee has served on enough ships to know that there was no stopping the rumor mill and sooner or later everyone ended up as grist.
When he’d first arrived on Galactica he’d been something of a novelty, an outsider who’d suddenly appeared in their tightly self-contained environment. He felt a little like some exotic animal introduced into a local zoo, submitted to the gawping scrutiny of the residents. That he was the commander’s son inevitably made him a subject of interest and that interest had only increased once it had become apparent that he and Starbuck had some kind of history. Since neither he nor Kara had gone out of their way to explain their relationship - it wasn’t anyone’s business, and really how the hell could he explain it to anyone else when he couldn’t entirely explain it to himself? - the rumors had flown thick and fast, especially during those first weeks.
As the weeks had passed, so had the bulk of the speculation for which Lee had been grateful.
That was until Moondoe and Adonis arrived on the scene and gave the rumor mill a jumpstart of nuclear proportions.
He turns a corner and almost walks into Dee and Ensign Davies. Reflexes honed from hours in the cockpit allow him to arrest his forward motion before they collide and his hands each out to clasp Dee’s arms above the elbow, steadying her.
“You okay, Dee?”
She smiles at him, all white teeth and bubbling amusement. “Yes, sir.”
There’s something like mischief gleaming in her eyes and Lee releases her arms and takes a step back. “Good, that’s good,” he says inanely. “Ensign,” he adds with a nod before heading back along his path. He hears the smothered laughter and knows he shouldn’t look, but he can’t help himself. He turns his head and sure enough, both Dee and Ensign Davies are checking out his ass, quite brazenly, too.
That isn’t entirely new; it’s even kind of flattering, in fact. The way Dee winks and Davies’ grin widens, though, are definitely new. Such is the life of a reluctant pseudo porn star.
Lee walks away as fast as he can without looking like he’s fleeing the scene. He’s not entirely sure he succeeds.
He wonders how Kara handles this aspect of their literary fame. Apparently better than he is.
Lee is still a little surprised by the complete one-eighty Kara has done on the subject of their fictional counterparts. After she’d gotten over the initial outrage, Kara had become remarkably accepting. More, even; she’d embraced Full Throttle with an almost alarming zeal, voraciously reading every chapter as it made the rounds and cackling gleefully over the most recent escapades of Mara and Vee.
Of course, Kara being Kara, she’d wanted to share the joy. Every few days, Lee enters his office only to find a copy of the newest chapter sitting on the desk, duly annotated by the story’s most avid and discerning reader, Kara herself.
The commentary is definitely worth the price of admission. Many a dogfight scene has been accompanied by an observation like No frakking way! You’d fry your afterburners pulling that move! or Cylons might be machines, but they’re not that inept! hastily scrawled in red ink in the margins.
But it’s the sex scenes that receive the most attention. Apparently, Kara has grave misgivings as to the author’s understanding of basic human biology and Lee can see why. There the comments range from the practical like I’m not sure that six times in under two hour is humanly possible! or I’m not double jointed, FFS! to questions of terminology: It’s a vagina not ‘the very core of her womanhood’! and the ever popular ’his pulsing staff of manliness’!!!!!
Even Lee hadn’t been able to keep a straight face for that one.
Privately, Lee will admit to enjoying Kara’s running commentary, even if some of the remarks are at his expense. Kara’s never been one to pass up a chance to tease him and Full Throttle just provides all kinds of tempting opportunities.
Hey, Lee, can you make a woman ‘howl like a banshee’? We could sell tickets if you could!
Note: Ask Lee if he’s double-jointed.
Oh Lee Vee! You are such a hunk of manliness!!!
Comparing the superhuman prowess of Adonis with the more mundane, though as yet mysterious abilities of his alter ego Apollo seems to have become Kara’s new favorite pastime. It’s both amusing and kind of alarming.
He’s glad that Kara has found a way to deal with her unwanted celebrity status before somebody ended in sickbay and she ended up in hack. Making light of the situation is certainly a more mature and healthy response than cracking heads and Lee is pleasantly surprised that Kara has, for once, decided to take his advice and take the high road.
Lee just wishes he could do the same.
It certainly isn’t for want of trying; if nothing else, the recent towel incident, had taught him the value of just turning the other cheek and biting his tongue until the furor dies down. Unfortunately, the Moondoe and Adonis phenomenon shows no signs of tapering off any time soon and so he’s stuck. And with each passing day, it becomes just a little bit harder to just shrug it all off.
It’s not just his unwanted celebrity status or his unexpected - and frankly unearned - reputation as a Viper sex god that bothers him, though that’s part of it. Although it’s flattering, it does, well, raise expectations to rather ridiculous levels. And while Lee has never received any complaints about either his technique or his stamina, he’s pretty sure that even at his peak, long before he’d ever become CAG and double shifts and no sleep became the norm, he’d never been able to get it up six times in two hours. And no doubt Kara would be disappointed to learn that no, he’d never made a woman howl, though not for lack of trying. He is also not even remotely double jointed.
Of course, the fact that the only sex partner Lee has had in the past six months is his own right hand just adds another level of irony to the whole situation.
Either the Gods really, really hate him or they have a really twisted sense of humor. Lee rather suspects it’s both.
The mess is half full when he arrives. He grabs a tray and considers the dinner options, tries to decide which is most likely to stay down once he consumes it. He goes with the soup. It’s usually the safest option, as well as the easiest to hurl if his stomach decides to protest later. The fresh fruit is a pleasant surprise and an apple joins the soup and the cup of what passes for coffee.
Scanning the room, his eyes fall upon Racetrack, Frosty and Windup. They’re engaged in an animated discussion and as he approaches, he can overhear some of it.
“Well, I think it was him.”
“You always blame everything on that Gods damned terrorist, Windup,” Racetrack scoffs. “Personally, I think it had to have been the XO’s wife.”
“No frakkin’ way! She couldn’t even program a vid recorder, let alone sabotage a complex piece of equipment like the Cylon detector.”
Lee feels his blood run cold as the full import of their words hit home. Why hadn’t he been informed of such a major breach in ship’s security?
“Someone tampered with the Cylon detector?”
All three pilots look up at him with expressions shading between surprise, confusion and embarrassment. An awkward silence stretches between them. “Yes, sir,” Racetrack replies, shooting her companions a filthy look as they continue to stare at their plates in resolute silence. “Dr. Meldar’s Cylon detector was tampered with in the most recent chapter of…” her voice trails off and her cheeks color a little.
Lee’s eyes drift to the death of pages next to Windup’s tray. Of course. In that moment he can’t decide whether he wants to crawl under the table in embarrassment or simply hit himself over the head with his tray. Repeatedly. And preferably until he achieves a blissfully comatose state.
Good one, Lee.
He smiles, tries to not look like an idiot. Or at least less of an idiot. “Ah, I haven’t gotten to that one yet.”
“You’re reading it, sir?” three pairs of eyes stare up at him in surprise.
“I hadn’t planned on it, but, well, Lieutenant Thrace had other ideas.”
As soon as he says it, he knows he should have kept his big mouth shut. Racetrack’s expression becomes decidedly knowing and Lee really regrets he didn’t make better use of his dinner tray.
“We’ve been having a good laugh over it.”
“Of course, sir,” she replies soothingly, though her lips are twitching from the urge to smile.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me.”
“Of course, sir.”
Tray still clutched in a white knuckled grip, Lee desperately casts about looking for someplace to sit where he can hopefully avoid conversation about Full Throttle, which is now officially the bane of his existence, outranking Cylon boarding parties, Ellen Tigh, coffee shortages and even Kara when she’s been grounded for longer than two days. He spies Gaeta and Kelly hunched over some diagram and feels a sense of relief. At least someone is more interested in ship’s business than a dreadful piece of fiction. He heads in their direction.
“Mind if I join you?”
They both look up, startled, obviously so preoccupied they hadn’t heard his approach.
“Of course not, sir,” Gaeta replies, and if there’s something less than enthusiastic in his voice, Lee just chalks it up to the presence of a senior officer. He probably wouldn’t be all that thrilled if Colonel Tigh joined him for dinner. But then Tigh came with a whole different host of issues that Lee prefers not to consider.
He sets his tray down and takes a seat next to Kelly who, Lee notes absently, shoots him a quick, awkward glance, before gazing resolutely at the diagram of what appears to be C causeway. Gaeta gives him a nervous smile, which Lee returns in kind, before taking a sip of coffee.
A sip that Lee nearly chokes on a second later as Gaeta picks up the conversation that Lee had interrupted.
“All right, so we know Dr. Meldar’s lab is on deck C. Now since there’s already been one bombing attempt on C causeway, there are marines stationed here and here,” Gaeta explains, marking the diagram in illustration. “So how could anyone gain access?”
“Through the ventilation shaft,” Kelly replies, pointing towards air ducts. “Which means it would have to have been someone with a slender build. Like Lieutenant Godot, the senior officer of the watch,” he adds smugly.
Gaeta’s eyes narrow. “Or, maybe the saboteur didn’t use the ventilation system at all. Maybe he went through the front door, which would mean someone with a higher security clearance. Someone like Captain Green, the LSO, for example.”
Kelly glares back at Gaeta and suddenly Lee’s not all that hungry anymore. He makes a show of looking at his watch.
“Oh, hey, look at the time. I’ve got some paperwork to do. If you’ll excuse me,” he says, standing and grabbing his tray. They mutter an acknowledgement and when Lee looks back, they’re both engaged in an apparently heated debate.
Lee sighs. It’s official; the Gods really do hate him.
He dumps his tray, but takes the coffee and the apple with him back to his officer.
Turning the corner, he barely avoids his second head on collision of the day. This time, it’s the other party that steadies him. He hisses as some of the coffee spills across his hand and when he looks up, he finds Kara studying him with an expression that’s equal parts amusement and concern.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” he says, pressing the scalded hand to his mouth. “Coffee’s a little hot.”
He’s surprised when Kara gently takes his hand, the mug still in his grip, to look at the patch of inflamed skin.
“Skin’s a little pink, but it doesn’t look like you burned yourself too badly.”
Lee blinks, as surprised by the unexpected, but not unwelcome, show of solicitude, as he is by the gentle caress of her thumb back and forth across his skin. It’s remarkably soothing and by the time she releases his hand, the sting has vanished entirely.
“Where are you headed?”
He grimaces. “Back to my office. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to catch up on.” It’s not entirely true, but it’s not exactly a lie, either.
She shakes her head and when Lee starts walking again, she falls into step beside him. “You work too hard, Lee.”
Lee gives a short laugh. “Hello, pot; this is kettle calling. You work just as hard as I do.”
She shakes her head again. “I’d argue that point, but I know it will only end in tears. So, did you enjoy chapter fifty-two?”
Her grin, as always, is infectious. “Yeah, I did. Thanks,” he says chuckling.
“I told you you’d get a kick out of it.” Kara’s smile turns mischievous. “I’d give every cubit I own to see the look on Zarek’s face after he read that!”
He meets her roguish look with one of his own, not surprised in the least to hear his own thoughts echoed back at him. She just has that knack.
“I hear a new chapter is out. Something about someone tampering with Dr. Meldar’s Cylon detector?”
Kara comes to a sudden halt. “Who spilled?”
“No one,” Lee frowns, surprised by her irritation. “I just happened to overhear some people talking in the mess.”
“Well, that’s just rude,” she says, starting to walk again.
He hurries to catch up. “What is?”
“Spoiling it for other people like that!”
“It wasn’t intentional.”
“Still, it’s frakking inconsiderate.”
“Inconsiderate,” he says, drawing the word out. “You’ve never been one for social niceties before, Kara. What gives?”
She shoots him a dirty look. Not wanting to fight, he offers her an apologetic smile. “So, since I’ve already been spoiled, what exactly happens in chapter fifty-three?”
She studies him for a moment and shrugs. “Well, Vee gets tested and the results say he’s a Cylon.”
“Really? Well, that would certainly explain his freakish stamina, wouldn’t it?” He pauses. “I assume it’s not true.”
“Nope, after almost twenty pages of angst and drama, it’s discovered that someone tampered with the Cylon detector to make it appear that Vee is a toaster.”
“I bet Mara was freaked.”
Kara nods. “It makes her reaction to the whole ‘Vee gets captured and tortured by Cylons’ thing back in chapter forty-one look like a case of the vapors.”
“So, who’s the saboteur?”
She shrugs. “No one knows, though, there’s a lot of speculation.”
“Yeah, that’s the impression I got. So, who do you think did it?”
“My money’s on Dr. Meldar.”
“Really?”
“Yep. The guy’s a weasel and he’s had the hots for Mara ever since that time she foolishly slept with him…”
A look of panic flickers across Kara’s features and Lee can almost hear the Oh frak! she has to be thinking. By mutual unspoken agreement, Baltar and the whole Colonial Day debacle is one topic they do not discuss or even acknowledge. Ever. Denial probably isn’t the best or most mature response to the incident and what transpired in the aftermath, but it works for them. Usually. No way in Hell is Lee going to revisit that mess now, not if he can avoid it.
“Yeah, Dr. Meldar makes sense,” he says, trying to sound casual. “He has access, the know how and he’s kind of squirrelly. Maybe the voices in his head told him to do it.”
Kara shoots him a grateful look. “Yeah. Lords know, it wouldn’t be the craziest thing the author has come up with. Well, we’re here.”
Lee gives her a puzzled look then follows her gaze. They were standing outside his office door and he hadn’t even noticed. Yep, he was really on the ball today.
“I should let you get back to your exciting paperwork, sir,” she says, smiling.
“Yeah. And I guess I should let you get back to your annotations. I can’t wait to get chapter fifty-three.”
Her smile widens. “Really?”
“Absolutely. We’re running low on toilet paper in the officers’ head. It’s nice to have something on hand just in case.”
He’s rewarded with a bark of laughter and a playful swat on the arm.
“Later, Lee,” she says as she heads down the corridor, tossing a small wave over her shoulder. He watches her departure until she rounds the corner. And if he noticed the way her fatigues clung to her ass as she walked, well, that was nobody’s business but his own.
[][][]
Lee walks to his office, though staggers might be a more accurate assessment. After a twelve hour CAP followed by another eight hours on shift in CIC, Lee wants nothing more than to collapse in his rack and sleep for at least a week. But he can’t and he won’t. Not yet at least. He still needs to finish tomorrow’s flight roster and submit it to Colonel Tigh before he can even think about hitting his rack.
The glamorous life of the CAG, indeed.
The half finished roster is sitting on his desk where he left it before suiting up for CAP, but it’s not alone. Sitting right along side it is a neat stack of pages bearing a hand written inscription. Lee smiles when he recognizes the untidy scrawl, accompanied by a sloppy smiley face.
Lee,
Here’s chapter fifty-seven. You’re going to love page 10!
Enjoy!
K
He drops tiredly into his chair, picks up a pen and reviews the roster. When he scribbles Starbuck’s name into the remaining slot on the midshift CAP, he finds his eyes drifting over to the stack of papers sitting at his elbow. Maybe it’s his imagination, but that smiley face almost seems to be mocking him. He scrubs a hand over his face and looks at it again. Yep, it’s definitely smirking up at him.
He looks over at the nearly finished roster, back to the chapter sitting so demurely nearby, then back to the roster again. Maybe a little peek won’t hurt.
He flips to page ten and immediately sees why it amused Kara so much.
”Oh, Vee,” Helen Bligh, gushed as she draped herself across Vee’s manly chest, curling one pink lacquered hand around his taught bicep. “You’re so handsome and brave and strong. I feel so much safer knowing you’re nearby.”
She pressed even closer, rubbing her other hand lower, the gesture far too intimate.
Vee looked about in near panic. The XO’s wife had planned her ambush carefully, trapping him in a small alcove, just out of sight. No one would find them.
“Ma’am,” Vee said, always polite, as he tried to extricate himself with no success as Mrs. Bligh clung to him like a parasite. “Your married! This isn’t appropriate!”
“Oh, don’t worry. Paul doesn’t mind.” Her hand drifted lower. “Kiss me Adonis! Show me the pleasures of Olympus!”
Suddenly Helen Bligh’s mouth was crushed against his. He flailed about helplessly, trying to push her away. And then someone pulled her off him. Vee blinked then smiled gratefully at the sight of Mara, her emerald eyes blazing with fury.
“Get your frakking hands off him, you bitch!” she yelled before landing her fist square in the middle of Mrs. Bligh’s garishly made-up face. She dropped to the deck unconscience.
“Mara!” Vee cried as he leapt over Mrs. Bligh’s body to embrace his beloved. “Thank the Gods for saving me from her!”
Mara smiled brilliantly. “No one gropes my man but me!” she said before kissing Vee with all the fury and passion of a hurricane.
The words If only I could get away with that! appear in red ink in the margin. Lee’s sure she’s talking about decking Ellen Tigh and not about kissing him. Well, pretty sure.
Unfortunately.
He knows he should finish the roster, but the chapter isn’t really that long. He might as well just finish it and be done with the distraction. That’s his justification and he plans to stick with it.
The present chapter is no better or worse than those that preceded it. Apart from Vee’s unfortunate encounter with the lecherous Mrs. Bligh, there’s some vague political intrigue brewing, though the author seems strangely disinterested in her own plot. It’s simply something to fill the pages until s/he can manage to insert the steamy sex scene which s/he finally does on page thirty-two.
Lee knows from experience that he should put the pages down right frakking now but he can never quite help himself. He keeps reading.
Vee walks through the door to the showers.
He smiles at Kara’s comment “It’s a frakking hatch not a door! H-A-T-C-H!!!!” scribbled messily in the margin before continuing.
Do to the lateness of the hour, they’re empty. All but one stall. The sound of rushing water and the seductive promise of what was hidden within drew the handsome young CAG further into the room.
She was there.
As always, Vee’s breath caught in his throat at the sheer breathtaking beauty of her. Away from other eyes, Vee allows his eyes to roam freely over the sexy curves of Mara’s sexy body as the water drips from her gilded hair to trail down her soft alabaster skin.
His mouth watered at the site and Vee wants nothing more than to bury himself within her soft, exquisite body.
“Mara.” Vee whispered her name like a prayer.
She turned at the sound of her name and smiled at him, her emerald green eyes bright with lust. She extended a hand towards him. “Vee,” she purred in a low, sexy voice.
Helplessly, Vee moved towards her, unable to resist this beautiful siren. Rapping his arms around her he pulled her slender but curvy body close. “Oh, baby, I love you.”
“I love you, too, angel.”
Their passion ignited, their bodies lit a conflagration of burning passion that consumed them both until they were joined, one soul, one body for all eternity.
Lee groans, but not entirely in response to the florid prose. Initially, he’d thought that the worst part about this story was that other readers would start picturing him and Kara playing out the amorous - and entirely fictitious - adventures contained within its pages.
He was wrong. There’s something even worse.
Him doing it.
He tries not to, of course, but apparently his subconscious really hates him because it keeps cheerfully throwing up accompanying visuals for whatever passage he’s reading. It’s rather alarming, in fact, to realize just how many visuals of Kara he has stored up in his memory, far more than he ever would have realized.
And since his mind is being so cooperative, it seemed just as eager to fudge the occasional discrepancies between the fictional Mara and her living, breathing, highly irritating counterpart to ease the transition. Little things mostly, like changing brilliant emerald eyes to hazel, or replacing a demure smile with a broad wolfish grin, or a tinkling laugh with a loud guffaw. The character on the pages might bear little resemblance to the woman he knows, but the one inhabiting Lee’s imagination is a little too close for comfort and a world away all at once.
Mara Pace is not Kara Thrace, but every once in a while he finds himself wondering what it might be like if she were, just a little. Not entirely, of course because Kara’s right, Mara is kind of a wuss and he likes the fact that Kara isn’t. He likes that Kara is loud and brash and rude and volatile. He likes that she has a temper and a mouth on her that would make a veteran marine blush. He likes that she won’t take shit from anybody, least of all him and that she will never hesitate to tell him when he’s being an ass. He likes that no matter what, she will always have his back.
Even so, sometimes he finds himself wondering what it might be like to feel her soft and pliant against him, her skin warm and silken beneath his hands as she writhes and pants, her face twisting in pleasure as she gasps out his name. Lee, Lee…
“Lee!”
His eyes snap open to find Kara standing on the other side of his desk, hands on hips, her face puckered in a frown. He blinks and responds with all the coherency he can muster.
“Huh?”
She rolls his eyes at him. “Where the hell were you? I called your name three times but you never answered.”
Lee digs the heels of both hands into his eye sockets. “Sorry. I’m just really tired.”
Her expression softens at once. “You look like hell, Lee.”
“Thanks. I knew I could count on you to make me feel better.”
“You should be in your rack.”
“Can’t,” he says, scrubbing vigorously at his face again. “I’ve got to finish the flight roster.”
“I can finish it for you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m the CAG.”
He reaches for the roster, but fatigue slows him down and Kara snatches it away first. He protests, but she just shushes him, reviewing the list with a critical eye.
“There’s only two shifts that need to be filled in. I can do this, Lee.”
“It’s my responsibility.”
“Don’t be such a stubborn frakhead!”
“Well, when you put it like that...”
She rolls her eyes again, but her expression is oddly affectionate. “Let me do this for you, Lee.”
He wants to fight her on this, but frankly he has neither the energy nor the will. She’s right; he is being a stubborn frakhead, but old habits die hard. He acquiesces with a sigh.
“All right, you win,” he says, levering himself out of his chair. “You’ll need to forward it to Colonel Tigh…”
“I know procedure, Lee. I am your second after all.”
“Right, of course.”
“Now, get the hell out of here before I sic Cottle on you.”
“Sir, yes, sir,” he replies, throwing her a sloppy salute that makes her smile.
He heads towards the hatch and when he turns she’s sitting at his desk, pen in hand and her lower lip trapped between her teeth as she completes the flight roster. He can’t help but smile at the sight.
Mara Pace is not Kara Thrace and Lee decides that for the most part that’s a very good thing, indeed.