Leaps of Faith (3/9)
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Chapter 3
Kevin swirled the last swig of bourbon around his glass several times before lifting it to his lips. There was still more than half a bottle left of the stuff Wally had given them on his last visit, and Kevin decided - since Robert was leaving for D.C. the next day and had already given Kevin the day off - to really just...get drunk.
He leaned forward and picked up the bottle. As he poured another shot, some liquid sloshed over the side. Somewhere after the fourth (maybe it was the fifth) drink, he had lost the ability to aim quite right. By this point, much more of the bourbon was ending up on the table than in his glass. Kevin figured that was probably a good thing.
Kevin stretched and looked around the dark living room. He tossed back the drink he had just poured, then placed the empty glass back on the coffee table. He thought about pouring another one, but then he decided he needed to take a little break before he continued. He was getting tired, so he scrunched down on the couch. He closed his eyes, intending to rest for just a bit. But he was sound asleep almost immediately; not even the loud knocking on his door minutes later woke him.
The first time he remembered waking after that was the next morning. Sunlight shone through the window, piercing his brain. Kevin groaned and rolled over, his eyes still closed. He wrapped his arm around the warm body on the bed next to him and sighed. He burrowed his face into the small, semi-dark depression left by the back of the other man’s neck as he simultaneously slid his hand down the man’s chest. When he got to the bottom hem of his shirt, Kevin slipped his hand underneath, dragging his fingernails up the warm skin until he reached the other man’s pecs. Kevin stretched his hand flat over one nipple, then squeezed lightly.
And that’s when the other man jerked awake. He moved quickly, sitting up with a “Holy - Kevin!”
Kevin sat up as well, one hand to his head from the noise and the sudden movement. He groaned, focusing as much as possible. “What the - Justin, what are you doing here?”
“Uh, being molested by my older brother, apparently.”
Kevin fell back onto the mattress, breathing heavily. “Sorry, I didn’t realize...”
“Yeah, obviously. Do you even remember me showing up here last night?”
Kevin paused, then shook his head.
“Didn’t think so. You were drunker than I’ve ever seen you. Even after I made you puke and drink, like, four glasses of water. And then you puked again.”
Kevin swallowed but didn’t say anything.
“How often do you do that?” Justin asked quietly.
“Drink bourbon?”
“Drink to the point where I almost have to call an ambulance.”
Kevin shook his head again. “It’s not like that. That was...that was a one-time thing. I’ve actually been avoiding alcohol since...”
“Since Scotty left.”
Kevin nodded. Justin took a deep breath, then looked away.
“If you’re lying to me, or if this happens again, I swear I’m dragging you to my next meeting.”
Kevin was about to respond when his stomach rolled. He quickly stood and hurried into the bathroom. After he emptied the meager contents of his stomach, he coughed a couple times.
“Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.”
“Better not,” Justin said, his voice closer than Kevin expected.
Justin sat on the cold tile next to him. He smiled grimly at Kevin.
“This is you making an effort?”
“Huh?”
“I called Jordan’s last night before I came over here. Scotty wasn’t there. Or at least that’s what he told Jordan to say. But Jordan did tell me that he told you - and you agreed - that you needed to make some kind of effort here.”
“The conversation sounds vaguely familiar.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “Not exactly sure how getting piss-drunk will help you win Scotty back, but maybe gay couples work differently than straight ones.”
Kevin grunted as he cautiously stood. He walked slowly through the various rooms until he reached the kitchen. Justin followed along behind him, watching quietly as Kevin started a pot of coffee brewing.
“I’m trying to think of something,” he finally said.
“Try harder. You guys are basically the most meant-to-be couple I’ve ever met. If you can’t make it work, what the hell kind of hope do the rest of us have?”
***
“Hey, it’s me,” Kevin said, turning slightly away from the sounds of arguing in the den.
“Hi...where are you?”
“I’m at Mom’s.”
“Kevin!”
“I know; I’m sorry!”
“I’m standing here, looking at the realtor waiting at the front door of this amazing yet affordable house. The very kind realtor who is showing it to us at lunchtime, since that’s the only time all three of our schedules, plus the baby-sitter’s, worked.”
“I know! Look, Kitty and Sarah and Mom are about to tear each other’s hair out. Well, Sarah and Mom, at any rate. Nothing left to tear out on Kitty,” Kevin joked.
“I’m not amused.”
“I just have to help figure this out, and then I’ll be there as soon as I can, OK?”
“Fine.”
The next thing Kevin heard was a dial tone. And by the time everyone was lovey-dovey and cheerful again, Kevin had absolutely no recollection of what the women were fighting about in the first place - and no time to go to the house before he had to go back to the office. He finally caught up with Scotty after work. He found him in the kitchen, stirring a pot with one hand as he fed some mashed carrots to Amy with the other.
“Hi. Hi. I’m so sorry. How was the house?”
“I took pictures with my phone,” Scotty replied, nodding towards the cell on the table.
Kevin picked it up and began to scroll through the album. He walked over to the high chair to take over baby-feeding duties, and Scotty turned back to the stove.
“Looks nice.”
Scotty nodded. He didn’t turn around as he answered, “I liked it. Had everything on our list.”
“Really? Should we get an appraisal? We could also get Mom’s old contractor friend Dave to take a look - do you remember Dave? I think you met him at the cabin.”
There was a long pause before Scotty replied again. “Maybe we shouldn’t commit to anything just yet.”
Kevin glanced at him in confusion. “What does that mean?” he asked, feeling vaguely worried but unable to interpret or even pinpoint the source of his concern.
“It’s just...I don’t know.”
At that moment, Amy spit up some food, and Kevin quickly turned to her. “OK,” he said with a shrug. “If you didn’t really feel it, I guess it’s not the right house. We’ll keep looking.”
He could feel Scotty’s eyes on him then, but he was too distracted by Amy to meet his gaze. After a moment, Scotty turned away again.
***
“Hello,” Scotty said hesitantly.
“Don’t hang up!”
“Then...don’t say anything stupid.”
“OK. It goes against my very nature, but I’ll do my best.” Kevin grinned at the soft laughter on the other end of the phone. He paused, then took a deep breath. “What are you doing tonight? Do you have to work?”
“No.”
“Can Jordan watch Amy?”
“...Probably.”
“Come over tonight.” Kevin shook his head quickly, even though Scotty couldn’t possibly see the movement. “Will you please come over tonight? I’ll cook and we can just...catch up.”
There was no answer, and Kevin held his breath. Just as he was about to say Scotty’s name, the other man spoke.
“Fine. I’ll check with Jordan and let you know.”
Kevin released a shaky, relieved breath, closing his eyes. “OK.”
“Kevin, this isn’t,” Scotty’s voice choked slightly, and Kevin’s happiness dwindled. “I mean, don’t think...”
Kevin nodded. “I know.”
***
At the knock on the loft door, Kevin nearly passed out. He couldn’t mess up this dinner. He couldn’t. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then he ran a hand through his hair. Then he finally opened the door.
He had a feeling it was for a you-can-look-but-can’t-touch kind of punishment more than anything else, but Kevin was happy to see that Scotty put quite some effort into his appearance that night. If nothing else, it proved he still cared enough to torture him. Scotty stepped inside the loft, clearing his throat as he lifted two bottles of wine.
“I didn’t know what you were making, so...red and white.”
Kevin smiled as he took the bottles. “Thanks. You didn’t have to bring anything.”
When Scotty didn’t respond, Kevin walked towards the kitchen. As he disappeared into the other room, he called out for Scotty to sit down at the already-set table.
Unfortunately even with the wine and every single one of Scotty’s favorite foods prepared as carefully as possible, the conversation over dinner was still quite stilted and awkward. Kevin felt very much like he was on a first date, except even his first date with Scotty hadn’t been this bad. And it somehow got worse when Kevin’s phone rang.
They both stared at it buzzing on the desk for a second. Then Scotty sighed, taking his napkin off his lap and throwing it on the plate. He leaned forward in his chair, sipping from his glass of wine. Kevin picked up the phone, dismissing the text message from Robert without even reading it and then silencing the ringer.
“Sorry, I forgot to turn it off.”
“What a surprise,” Scotty muttered. “You don’t have to answer it?”
“I don’t really care one way or the other.”
Scotty looked at him, somewhat shocked. Then he shook his head, unconvinced.
“Go ahead and answer it. I should go anyway.”
Kevin groaned, tilting his head back. “Fine,” he said. He stood up, picking up the empty plates. “I don’t know why I bothered,” he muttered as he brought them into the kitchen.
There was no response for a moment, and Kevin half-waited for, half-feared the sound of the front door closing. Instead, Scotty followed him into the kitchen.
“What? You ignore one text message and that’s supposed to make everything OK? Magically fixed? It doesn’t work like that, Kevin!”
“How does it work? Moving out and refusing to talk about anything?”
Scotty leaned back against the doorframe, lifting his head. “I just got tired of it. You weren’t listening to anything I said, anyway.”
“The only thing you ever said was ‘quit your job,’ Scotty. ‘Babies require sacrifice.’ You shot down every solution, every compromise I tried to come up with. Why was I the only one expected to sacrifice?”
“Because giving up the coveted job of Republican toady would be such a damn sacrifice.”
Kevin shook his head, biting his tongue as he filled the dishwasher. Scotty sighed.
“If you think you were the only one sacrificing, then you weren’t paying attention. I nearly lost my job. I was always late, and I could barely cook anything because I was so tired all the time. I took off at least twice a month because someone had to take her to the doctor and look at different houses and everything else you were too busy to do.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But I’ll be better. I promise I’ll - ”
Scotty shook his head. “For all the times you put your foot in your mouth, you’re still the king of pretty promises. You told me we were in this together, Kevin. You promised me we’d leap together, and you just let me fall.”
“I don’t know how I can prove to you that things will change, if you don’t even let me try.”
“If things don’t change...I don’t know if I can take it again.”
Kevin crossed the room in only two steps, grabbing the front of Scotty’s shirt and pulling him close to his own body. “You have to believe me. I - I miss you so much.”
Scotty stared at him, finally admitting, “I miss you too.”
Kevin watched him, waiting for some but, some disclaimer, some further argument. When none came, he exhaled quickly, leaned forward and kissed Scotty.
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Chapter 3
Kevin swirled the last swig of bourbon around his glass several times before lifting it to his lips. There was still more than half a bottle left of the stuff Wally had given them on his last visit, and Kevin decided - since Robert was leaving for D.C. the next day and had already given Kevin the day off - to really just...get drunk.
He leaned forward and picked up the bottle. As he poured another shot, some liquid sloshed over the side. Somewhere after the fourth (maybe it was the fifth) drink, he had lost the ability to aim quite right. By this point, much more of the bourbon was ending up on the table than in his glass. Kevin figured that was probably a good thing.
Kevin stretched and looked around the dark living room. He tossed back the drink he had just poured, then placed the empty glass back on the coffee table. He thought about pouring another one, but then he decided he needed to take a little break before he continued. He was getting tired, so he scrunched down on the couch. He closed his eyes, intending to rest for just a bit. But he was sound asleep almost immediately; not even the loud knocking on his door minutes later woke him.
The first time he remembered waking after that was the next morning. Sunlight shone through the window, piercing his brain. Kevin groaned and rolled over, his eyes still closed. He wrapped his arm around the warm body on the bed next to him and sighed. He burrowed his face into the small, semi-dark depression left by the back of the other man’s neck as he simultaneously slid his hand down the man’s chest. When he got to the bottom hem of his shirt, Kevin slipped his hand underneath, dragging his fingernails up the warm skin until he reached the other man’s pecs. Kevin stretched his hand flat over one nipple, then squeezed lightly.
And that’s when the other man jerked awake. He moved quickly, sitting up with a “Holy - Kevin!”
Kevin sat up as well, one hand to his head from the noise and the sudden movement. He groaned, focusing as much as possible. “What the - Justin, what are you doing here?”
“Uh, being molested by my older brother, apparently.”
Kevin fell back onto the mattress, breathing heavily. “Sorry, I didn’t realize...”
“Yeah, obviously. Do you even remember me showing up here last night?”
Kevin paused, then shook his head.
“Didn’t think so. You were drunker than I’ve ever seen you. Even after I made you puke and drink, like, four glasses of water. And then you puked again.”
Kevin swallowed but didn’t say anything.
“How often do you do that?” Justin asked quietly.
“Drink bourbon?”
“Drink to the point where I almost have to call an ambulance.”
Kevin shook his head again. “It’s not like that. That was...that was a one-time thing. I’ve actually been avoiding alcohol since...”
“Since Scotty left.”
Kevin nodded. Justin took a deep breath, then looked away.
“If you’re lying to me, or if this happens again, I swear I’m dragging you to my next meeting.”
Kevin was about to respond when his stomach rolled. He quickly stood and hurried into the bathroom. After he emptied the meager contents of his stomach, he coughed a couple times.
“Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.”
“Better not,” Justin said, his voice closer than Kevin expected.
Justin sat on the cold tile next to him. He smiled grimly at Kevin.
“This is you making an effort?”
“Huh?”
“I called Jordan’s last night before I came over here. Scotty wasn’t there. Or at least that’s what he told Jordan to say. But Jordan did tell me that he told you - and you agreed - that you needed to make some kind of effort here.”
“The conversation sounds vaguely familiar.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “Not exactly sure how getting piss-drunk will help you win Scotty back, but maybe gay couples work differently than straight ones.”
Kevin grunted as he cautiously stood. He walked slowly through the various rooms until he reached the kitchen. Justin followed along behind him, watching quietly as Kevin started a pot of coffee brewing.
“I’m trying to think of something,” he finally said.
“Try harder. You guys are basically the most meant-to-be couple I’ve ever met. If you can’t make it work, what the hell kind of hope do the rest of us have?”
***
“Hey, it’s me,” Kevin said, turning slightly away from the sounds of arguing in the den.
“Hi...where are you?”
“I’m at Mom’s.”
“Kevin!”
“I know; I’m sorry!”
“I’m standing here, looking at the realtor waiting at the front door of this amazing yet affordable house. The very kind realtor who is showing it to us at lunchtime, since that’s the only time all three of our schedules, plus the baby-sitter’s, worked.”
“I know! Look, Kitty and Sarah and Mom are about to tear each other’s hair out. Well, Sarah and Mom, at any rate. Nothing left to tear out on Kitty,” Kevin joked.
“I’m not amused.”
“I just have to help figure this out, and then I’ll be there as soon as I can, OK?”
“Fine.”
The next thing Kevin heard was a dial tone. And by the time everyone was lovey-dovey and cheerful again, Kevin had absolutely no recollection of what the women were fighting about in the first place - and no time to go to the house before he had to go back to the office. He finally caught up with Scotty after work. He found him in the kitchen, stirring a pot with one hand as he fed some mashed carrots to Amy with the other.
“Hi. Hi. I’m so sorry. How was the house?”
“I took pictures with my phone,” Scotty replied, nodding towards the cell on the table.
Kevin picked it up and began to scroll through the album. He walked over to the high chair to take over baby-feeding duties, and Scotty turned back to the stove.
“Looks nice.”
Scotty nodded. He didn’t turn around as he answered, “I liked it. Had everything on our list.”
“Really? Should we get an appraisal? We could also get Mom’s old contractor friend Dave to take a look - do you remember Dave? I think you met him at the cabin.”
There was a long pause before Scotty replied again. “Maybe we shouldn’t commit to anything just yet.”
Kevin glanced at him in confusion. “What does that mean?” he asked, feeling vaguely worried but unable to interpret or even pinpoint the source of his concern.
“It’s just...I don’t know.”
At that moment, Amy spit up some food, and Kevin quickly turned to her. “OK,” he said with a shrug. “If you didn’t really feel it, I guess it’s not the right house. We’ll keep looking.”
He could feel Scotty’s eyes on him then, but he was too distracted by Amy to meet his gaze. After a moment, Scotty turned away again.
***
“Hello,” Scotty said hesitantly.
“Don’t hang up!”
“Then...don’t say anything stupid.”
“OK. It goes against my very nature, but I’ll do my best.” Kevin grinned at the soft laughter on the other end of the phone. He paused, then took a deep breath. “What are you doing tonight? Do you have to work?”
“No.”
“Can Jordan watch Amy?”
“...Probably.”
“Come over tonight.” Kevin shook his head quickly, even though Scotty couldn’t possibly see the movement. “Will you please come over tonight? I’ll cook and we can just...catch up.”
There was no answer, and Kevin held his breath. Just as he was about to say Scotty’s name, the other man spoke.
“Fine. I’ll check with Jordan and let you know.”
Kevin released a shaky, relieved breath, closing his eyes. “OK.”
“Kevin, this isn’t,” Scotty’s voice choked slightly, and Kevin’s happiness dwindled. “I mean, don’t think...”
Kevin nodded. “I know.”
***
At the knock on the loft door, Kevin nearly passed out. He couldn’t mess up this dinner. He couldn’t. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then he ran a hand through his hair. Then he finally opened the door.
He had a feeling it was for a you-can-look-but-can’t-touch kind of punishment more than anything else, but Kevin was happy to see that Scotty put quite some effort into his appearance that night. If nothing else, it proved he still cared enough to torture him. Scotty stepped inside the loft, clearing his throat as he lifted two bottles of wine.
“I didn’t know what you were making, so...red and white.”
Kevin smiled as he took the bottles. “Thanks. You didn’t have to bring anything.”
When Scotty didn’t respond, Kevin walked towards the kitchen. As he disappeared into the other room, he called out for Scotty to sit down at the already-set table.
Unfortunately even with the wine and every single one of Scotty’s favorite foods prepared as carefully as possible, the conversation over dinner was still quite stilted and awkward. Kevin felt very much like he was on a first date, except even his first date with Scotty hadn’t been this bad. And it somehow got worse when Kevin’s phone rang.
They both stared at it buzzing on the desk for a second. Then Scotty sighed, taking his napkin off his lap and throwing it on the plate. He leaned forward in his chair, sipping from his glass of wine. Kevin picked up the phone, dismissing the text message from Robert without even reading it and then silencing the ringer.
“Sorry, I forgot to turn it off.”
“What a surprise,” Scotty muttered. “You don’t have to answer it?”
“I don’t really care one way or the other.”
Scotty looked at him, somewhat shocked. Then he shook his head, unconvinced.
“Go ahead and answer it. I should go anyway.”
Kevin groaned, tilting his head back. “Fine,” he said. He stood up, picking up the empty plates. “I don’t know why I bothered,” he muttered as he brought them into the kitchen.
There was no response for a moment, and Kevin half-waited for, half-feared the sound of the front door closing. Instead, Scotty followed him into the kitchen.
“What? You ignore one text message and that’s supposed to make everything OK? Magically fixed? It doesn’t work like that, Kevin!”
“How does it work? Moving out and refusing to talk about anything?”
Scotty leaned back against the doorframe, lifting his head. “I just got tired of it. You weren’t listening to anything I said, anyway.”
“The only thing you ever said was ‘quit your job,’ Scotty. ‘Babies require sacrifice.’ You shot down every solution, every compromise I tried to come up with. Why was I the only one expected to sacrifice?”
“Because giving up the coveted job of Republican toady would be such a damn sacrifice.”
Kevin shook his head, biting his tongue as he filled the dishwasher. Scotty sighed.
“If you think you were the only one sacrificing, then you weren’t paying attention. I nearly lost my job. I was always late, and I could barely cook anything because I was so tired all the time. I took off at least twice a month because someone had to take her to the doctor and look at different houses and everything else you were too busy to do.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But I’ll be better. I promise I’ll - ”
Scotty shook his head. “For all the times you put your foot in your mouth, you’re still the king of pretty promises. You told me we were in this together, Kevin. You promised me we’d leap together, and you just let me fall.”
“I don’t know how I can prove to you that things will change, if you don’t even let me try.”
“If things don’t change...I don’t know if I can take it again.”
Kevin crossed the room in only two steps, grabbing the front of Scotty’s shirt and pulling him close to his own body. “You have to believe me. I - I miss you so much.”
Scotty stared at him, finally admitting, “I miss you too.”
Kevin watched him, waiting for some but, some disclaimer, some further argument. When none came, he exhaled quickly, leaned forward and kissed Scotty.
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