Learning Curve (5/9)
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Scotty led an exhausted Kevin into the loft. He looked at him in concern as he closed the door behind them.
"Why don’t you get some rest?"
"I don’t think I can."
“I think you’re asleep on your feet.”
Kevin made a small noise but, with the adrenaline crash, he seemed incapable of actually making any decisions about what to do next. Scotty placed a hand on the small of his back, guiding him toward the bedroom.
“Come on,” he whispered.
Once they were in the bedroom, Kevin shuffled over to the bed, crawling onto it and curling up.
“Let’s get you out of some of these clothes,” Scotty suggested.
“Don’t care,” Kevin mumbled.
“At least your shoes and tie.”
Kevin grunted, eyes closed, as Scotty worked around him, undressing Kevin as much as he was able to.
“Kev,” he said softly, “I’m going to run some errands - check in at the restaurant and a few other things. Are you going to be all right?”
“Will you stay with me for a while?”
Scotty paused. Then he said, “Sure, of course.”
He climbed onto the bed next to Kevin, wrapping his arms around his husband and holding him close. Kevin rolled toward him, resting his head on Scotty’s shoulder and one hand on Scotty’s chest. Kevin sighed.
“What a day.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I wouldn’t have made it through this without you.”
“Just sleep now.”
“Love you. So much.”
“I love you too.”
Kevin was quiet then, and Scotty stayed with him until his deep breaths filled the quiet room. When he was sure Kevin was asleep, Scotty slowly released him and carefully climbed out of the bed. He leaned over, kissing Kevin’s forehead lightly, then quietly and quickly walked out of the room and the loft.
Fifteen minutes later, he knocked briskly on Tracy’s apartment door. She opened it after a few moments, looking at him in surprise when she saw who it was.
“Hey! Wasn’t expecting you. Seems like you had a busy day.”
Scotty shook his head, swallowing as he tried to control the emotion that he had been suppressing for so long.
“I can’t do this!” he finally said. “I can’t take it anymore.”
“What?” Tracy asked in concern, reaching out and pulling him into the apartment. “What happened?”
Scotty took a deep breath as he walked over to the couch, briefly covering his face with his hand. Then he rubbed tiredly at one eye.
“He stood up there, and he lied. He lied to the entire state.”
“OK, I...?”
“Robert didn’t have a ‘heart irregularity’ or whatever Kevin said. He had a massive heart attack. There was,” Scotty gestured sharply, “a flat line. They shocked him back to life. And Kevin goes up there, all ‘No worries, California! The happy family man is ready to get back on the campaign trail. Feel free to vote for him, even if every single decision he makes is based solely on political expediency and his career strategy instead of your best interests.’”
“Scotty, it’s very common to downplay - ”
“I don’t care,” Scotty interrupted, growing increasingly hysterical. “I don’t care! Say what you will about lawyers, but in front of a judge, Kevin always, always maintained his integrity. At least the things he fought for were his ideals or, if nothing else, for a career he wanted and earned. Crossing the aisle?! That’s total crap! The only thing - the only thing - he’s done that was even remotely liberal was trick someone into printing a statement about Prop 8, and he had to go behind Robert’s back to even do that.”
Tracy sighed. “You’ve been keeping this bottled up for a while, huh?”
Scotty groaned, leaning forward and burying his head in his arms. Tracy was about to speak again when Scotty sat back up. “And the worst part is he wasn’t there; he doesn’t even realize what he’s a part of. He didn’t see Kitty’s reaction to the announcement. Their child was being born, and Robert was more concerned with his career, and Kitty just - she just...Have you ever seen someone’s heart break right in front of you? Do you know how horrible that is?”
“I’m kind of getting an idea.”
“Nothing’s more important to Kevin than his family. Nothing. To do something so deliberately against his sister’s wishes, her feelings? He knows how she feels about Robert running for governor, and yet he keeps helping him. Sometimes...sometimes, I don’t recognize him anymore. This job is killing who he is, and he doesn’t even notice it.”
Tracy reached for Scotty’s hands, holding them tightly in her own. She sighed sympathetically. “Have you talked to him about it? Told him how you feel? Maybe if you asked him to quit or...or to consider...?”
Scotty shook his head. “I can’t do that, not with how much stress he’s under right now.”
“So, in a few weeks, when things have settled a bit?”
Scotty shook his head again.
“Why not?”
He looked up at her, taking a slightly shaky breath. “He might say no.”
***
Scotty should have realized that, even if he had wanted to find some way to broach the subject with Kevin, things in the Walker family never “settled a bit.” After he calmed down and promised Tracy that he would get some sleep himself, he returned to the loft. Surprisingly, Kevin was gone. There was a note on the coffee table on which Kevin had written: At Tommy’s. Problems at Ojai.
Scotty sighed. As if Kevin needed more stress. He shook his head and then went into the kitchen. Kevin would be home at some point, and then he would need food. If Scotty knew Kevin, and he did, he had no doubt that the only thing Kevin ate since the heart attack was the half of a sandwich Scotty forced into him in the waiting room.
This was something he could do. He didn’t know how to resolve his problems with Kevin’s job. He didn’t know how to fix any of the things going on outside of their relationship. But he could support Kevin, simply take care of him whenever he was pulled in too many directions to take care of himself.
***
“Hello?”
“Scotty, it’s Saul.”
“Hi. Kevin isn’t here - ”
“I’m not calling about Tommy.”
“Oh, what’s up?”
Saul sighed. “Nora’s demanding everyone come over for dinner and meet Ryan.”
Scotty didn’t reply. He merely stared straight ahead at the front door.
“Seriously?” he finally asked.
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“Perfect timing, isn’t it?”
“We’re all supposed to go over there and play happy family with the half-sibling when Tommy’s about to go to jail?”
“Afraid so.”
“No,” Scotty said, startling even himself. “No, I won’t do it. My body simply won’t be able to handle the amount of alcohol I’ll need to drink just to make it through.”
“Scotty,” Saul said, laughing.
“Besides, this is my only night off this week. I would like to spend some alone time with Kevin.”
“Do you want to explain to Nora why you don’t want to play nice with the new kid? The plan is for Tommy to fill her in after dinner.”
Scotty sighed deeply. “Fine. But you owe me.”
***
“OK, Tracy,” Jordan asked as he added ketchup to his hamburger. “What is it?”
“I can’t invite you guys to lunch?”
“You didn’t invite. You demanded.”
Tracy looked at Scotty and he nodded in agreement. “OK, fine,” she said. “I needed male opinions.”
“On what?”
Tracy took a deep breath. “Dan asked me to move in with him.”
Scotty’s mouth dropped open, while Jordan threw his hands up in the air.
“Really?!” Scotty asked.
“Yeah,” Tracy said, looking between the two of them. “It’s too early, right? It’s weird.”
Scotty shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“What do you know?” Jordan interrupted. “You were living with your husband before you were dating him. Tracy...it’s a little early.”
“Shut up, Jordan. Tracy?”
She quickly turned to Scotty again. “How do you feel about him? Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to live with him?”
She paused, then said determinedly, “Yes.”
“Well then, who cares what anyone else thinks?”
Tracy smiled. “You’re right.”
“Great,” Jordan muttered. “All of my best friends are leaving me for domestic bliss.”
Scotty couldn’t help the derisive snort at Jordan’s comment. Tracy turned to him again.
“Uh-oh. Are things still weird? With Kevin’s job and everything?”
“You know, I’m just...I’m not worrying about that right now.”
“Then what is it?”
Scotty sighed, picking up and playing with the empty straw wrapper in front of him. “It’s just...well, with his job and mine, and now this Tommy thing, not to mention the new half-sibling, we just...we just don’t get much time together, is all.”
“Well, there are busy times in any relationship.”
“I know, but...”
“But what?” Jordan asked.
Scotty put the wrapper down on the table. “I haven’t had sex in weeks.”
Tracy made a sympathetic face, while Jordan just stared at him.
“Oh no. Not weeks,” Jordan deadpanned.
“You don’t understand,” Scotty explained. “I’m used to...a lot. I mean, a lot.”
“Somehow I’m still not feeling bad for you.”
Scotty sighed.
***
The next morning, both he and Kevin were off, and Scotty was determined. To be perfectly honest, for a while, part of him had been resistant. Not in the mood. It was due to his issues with Kevin’s job, yes, but also stress from his own job. And Kevin’s family. And everything. But he didn’t care anymore. He needed to feel Kevin’s body against his. Inside his. And at the very least, it would be one hell of a stress reliever.
The (probably unnecessarily elaborate) plan to seduce Kevin was going perfectly. Scotty walked across the living room, carrying some random books he grabbed. He glanced out of the corner of his eye so he could see Kevin. His head rested on his hand as he gazed at Scotty, and Scotty hid a smirk.
“What are you doing right now?”
“Just uh,” Scotty paused, hoping to convey just the right amount of suggestive boredom, “cleaning up.”
“The place looks pretty clean to me.”
Scotty turned to face Kevin, feigning curiosity. “What did you have in mind?”
Kevin smiled and stood, walking closer to him. Scotty felt his whole body tingle. It was about time. “I don’t know; you know,” Kevin said. “The two of us...a free morning.”
And then Kevin finally, finally kissed him. Scotty had missed this so much. He spared a brief thought of wonder that they had managed to go this long without really, truly touching each other. And then he stopped thinking, helping to remove his sweatshirt even as Kevin pushed him down onto the couch.
And in a moment of epically bad timing, there was a knock on the door.
“It’s probably a delivery,” Kevin mumbled. “Let’s just ignore that.”
“’Kay,” Scotty agreed, breathless.
But the person wouldn’t stop, and the incessant knocking dragged Scotty out of the moment quickly.
“Wow, they...really need a signature.”
Kevin sat back, looking as frustrated as Scotty felt. “Are we ever going to have sex again?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m busy. My work, your family,” Scotty responded, annoyed with the situation. He grabbed his sweatshirt, trying to get dressed. “Maybe we need to schedule it.”
The suggestion went over as well as Scotty expected it to. Kevin walked to the door, letting Sarah in. Scotty tried not to glare at her as he picked up Kevin’s phone. He opened the calendar, half-listening as Sarah complained to Kevin.
Scotty went to the next night. He worked until 8:00, so he selected the slot for 9:00. Setting a new reminder alarm, he carefully typed in Sex. Lots of it. Hot and dirty as possible. Make Scotty SHOUT. Then he stood and walked to Kevin, pressing the phone into his chest. Walking away, he didn’t see Kevin’s reaction as he read it, but he certainly heard it in the tone of his voice.
And yet, the next day, after work and a pissy phone call from Robert, he went home to an empty loft. He ate leftovers in front of the TV and contemplated calling up Saul and Henry for drinks, or Jordan for a movie. In the end, he went to bed early. He sighed, closing his eyes and picturing Kevin in his wetsuit, carrying a surfboard across a beach. He imagined the two of them sitting next to a bonfire, Kevin holding him tightly in his arms as they enjoyed the night air. And he fantasized that they found more enjoyable ways to stay warm as the fire died out. Scotty went to bed early. But he didn’t go to sleep until much, much later.
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Scotty led an exhausted Kevin into the loft. He looked at him in concern as he closed the door behind them.
"Why don’t you get some rest?"
"I don’t think I can."
“I think you’re asleep on your feet.”
Kevin made a small noise but, with the adrenaline crash, he seemed incapable of actually making any decisions about what to do next. Scotty placed a hand on the small of his back, guiding him toward the bedroom.
“Come on,” he whispered.
Once they were in the bedroom, Kevin shuffled over to the bed, crawling onto it and curling up.
“Let’s get you out of some of these clothes,” Scotty suggested.
“Don’t care,” Kevin mumbled.
“At least your shoes and tie.”
Kevin grunted, eyes closed, as Scotty worked around him, undressing Kevin as much as he was able to.
“Kev,” he said softly, “I’m going to run some errands - check in at the restaurant and a few other things. Are you going to be all right?”
“Will you stay with me for a while?”
Scotty paused. Then he said, “Sure, of course.”
He climbed onto the bed next to Kevin, wrapping his arms around his husband and holding him close. Kevin rolled toward him, resting his head on Scotty’s shoulder and one hand on Scotty’s chest. Kevin sighed.
“What a day.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I wouldn’t have made it through this without you.”
“Just sleep now.”
“Love you. So much.”
“I love you too.”
Kevin was quiet then, and Scotty stayed with him until his deep breaths filled the quiet room. When he was sure Kevin was asleep, Scotty slowly released him and carefully climbed out of the bed. He leaned over, kissing Kevin’s forehead lightly, then quietly and quickly walked out of the room and the loft.
Fifteen minutes later, he knocked briskly on Tracy’s apartment door. She opened it after a few moments, looking at him in surprise when she saw who it was.
“Hey! Wasn’t expecting you. Seems like you had a busy day.”
Scotty shook his head, swallowing as he tried to control the emotion that he had been suppressing for so long.
“I can’t do this!” he finally said. “I can’t take it anymore.”
“What?” Tracy asked in concern, reaching out and pulling him into the apartment. “What happened?”
Scotty took a deep breath as he walked over to the couch, briefly covering his face with his hand. Then he rubbed tiredly at one eye.
“He stood up there, and he lied. He lied to the entire state.”
“OK, I...?”
“Robert didn’t have a ‘heart irregularity’ or whatever Kevin said. He had a massive heart attack. There was,” Scotty gestured sharply, “a flat line. They shocked him back to life. And Kevin goes up there, all ‘No worries, California! The happy family man is ready to get back on the campaign trail. Feel free to vote for him, even if every single decision he makes is based solely on political expediency and his career strategy instead of your best interests.’”
“Scotty, it’s very common to downplay - ”
“I don’t care,” Scotty interrupted, growing increasingly hysterical. “I don’t care! Say what you will about lawyers, but in front of a judge, Kevin always, always maintained his integrity. At least the things he fought for were his ideals or, if nothing else, for a career he wanted and earned. Crossing the aisle?! That’s total crap! The only thing - the only thing - he’s done that was even remotely liberal was trick someone into printing a statement about Prop 8, and he had to go behind Robert’s back to even do that.”
Tracy sighed. “You’ve been keeping this bottled up for a while, huh?”
Scotty groaned, leaning forward and burying his head in his arms. Tracy was about to speak again when Scotty sat back up. “And the worst part is he wasn’t there; he doesn’t even realize what he’s a part of. He didn’t see Kitty’s reaction to the announcement. Their child was being born, and Robert was more concerned with his career, and Kitty just - she just...Have you ever seen someone’s heart break right in front of you? Do you know how horrible that is?”
“I’m kind of getting an idea.”
“Nothing’s more important to Kevin than his family. Nothing. To do something so deliberately against his sister’s wishes, her feelings? He knows how she feels about Robert running for governor, and yet he keeps helping him. Sometimes...sometimes, I don’t recognize him anymore. This job is killing who he is, and he doesn’t even notice it.”
Tracy reached for Scotty’s hands, holding them tightly in her own. She sighed sympathetically. “Have you talked to him about it? Told him how you feel? Maybe if you asked him to quit or...or to consider...?”
Scotty shook his head. “I can’t do that, not with how much stress he’s under right now.”
“So, in a few weeks, when things have settled a bit?”
Scotty shook his head again.
“Why not?”
He looked up at her, taking a slightly shaky breath. “He might say no.”
***
Scotty should have realized that, even if he had wanted to find some way to broach the subject with Kevin, things in the Walker family never “settled a bit.” After he calmed down and promised Tracy that he would get some sleep himself, he returned to the loft. Surprisingly, Kevin was gone. There was a note on the coffee table on which Kevin had written: At Tommy’s. Problems at Ojai.
Scotty sighed. As if Kevin needed more stress. He shook his head and then went into the kitchen. Kevin would be home at some point, and then he would need food. If Scotty knew Kevin, and he did, he had no doubt that the only thing Kevin ate since the heart attack was the half of a sandwich Scotty forced into him in the waiting room.
This was something he could do. He didn’t know how to resolve his problems with Kevin’s job. He didn’t know how to fix any of the things going on outside of their relationship. But he could support Kevin, simply take care of him whenever he was pulled in too many directions to take care of himself.
***
“Hello?”
“Scotty, it’s Saul.”
“Hi. Kevin isn’t here - ”
“I’m not calling about Tommy.”
“Oh, what’s up?”
Saul sighed. “Nora’s demanding everyone come over for dinner and meet Ryan.”
Scotty didn’t reply. He merely stared straight ahead at the front door.
“Seriously?” he finally asked.
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“Perfect timing, isn’t it?”
“We’re all supposed to go over there and play happy family with the half-sibling when Tommy’s about to go to jail?”
“Afraid so.”
“No,” Scotty said, startling even himself. “No, I won’t do it. My body simply won’t be able to handle the amount of alcohol I’ll need to drink just to make it through.”
“Scotty,” Saul said, laughing.
“Besides, this is my only night off this week. I would like to spend some alone time with Kevin.”
“Do you want to explain to Nora why you don’t want to play nice with the new kid? The plan is for Tommy to fill her in after dinner.”
Scotty sighed deeply. “Fine. But you owe me.”
***
“OK, Tracy,” Jordan asked as he added ketchup to his hamburger. “What is it?”
“I can’t invite you guys to lunch?”
“You didn’t invite. You demanded.”
Tracy looked at Scotty and he nodded in agreement. “OK, fine,” she said. “I needed male opinions.”
“On what?”
Tracy took a deep breath. “Dan asked me to move in with him.”
Scotty’s mouth dropped open, while Jordan threw his hands up in the air.
“Really?!” Scotty asked.
“Yeah,” Tracy said, looking between the two of them. “It’s too early, right? It’s weird.”
Scotty shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“What do you know?” Jordan interrupted. “You were living with your husband before you were dating him. Tracy...it’s a little early.”
“Shut up, Jordan. Tracy?”
She quickly turned to Scotty again. “How do you feel about him? Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to live with him?”
She paused, then said determinedly, “Yes.”
“Well then, who cares what anyone else thinks?”
Tracy smiled. “You’re right.”
“Great,” Jordan muttered. “All of my best friends are leaving me for domestic bliss.”
Scotty couldn’t help the derisive snort at Jordan’s comment. Tracy turned to him again.
“Uh-oh. Are things still weird? With Kevin’s job and everything?”
“You know, I’m just...I’m not worrying about that right now.”
“Then what is it?”
Scotty sighed, picking up and playing with the empty straw wrapper in front of him. “It’s just...well, with his job and mine, and now this Tommy thing, not to mention the new half-sibling, we just...we just don’t get much time together, is all.”
“Well, there are busy times in any relationship.”
“I know, but...”
“But what?” Jordan asked.
Scotty put the wrapper down on the table. “I haven’t had sex in weeks.”
Tracy made a sympathetic face, while Jordan just stared at him.
“Oh no. Not weeks,” Jordan deadpanned.
“You don’t understand,” Scotty explained. “I’m used to...a lot. I mean, a lot.”
“Somehow I’m still not feeling bad for you.”
Scotty sighed.
***
The next morning, both he and Kevin were off, and Scotty was determined. To be perfectly honest, for a while, part of him had been resistant. Not in the mood. It was due to his issues with Kevin’s job, yes, but also stress from his own job. And Kevin’s family. And everything. But he didn’t care anymore. He needed to feel Kevin’s body against his. Inside his. And at the very least, it would be one hell of a stress reliever.
The (probably unnecessarily elaborate) plan to seduce Kevin was going perfectly. Scotty walked across the living room, carrying some random books he grabbed. He glanced out of the corner of his eye so he could see Kevin. His head rested on his hand as he gazed at Scotty, and Scotty hid a smirk.
“What are you doing right now?”
“Just uh,” Scotty paused, hoping to convey just the right amount of suggestive boredom, “cleaning up.”
“The place looks pretty clean to me.”
Scotty turned to face Kevin, feigning curiosity. “What did you have in mind?”
Kevin smiled and stood, walking closer to him. Scotty felt his whole body tingle. It was about time. “I don’t know; you know,” Kevin said. “The two of us...a free morning.”
And then Kevin finally, finally kissed him. Scotty had missed this so much. He spared a brief thought of wonder that they had managed to go this long without really, truly touching each other. And then he stopped thinking, helping to remove his sweatshirt even as Kevin pushed him down onto the couch.
And in a moment of epically bad timing, there was a knock on the door.
“It’s probably a delivery,” Kevin mumbled. “Let’s just ignore that.”
“’Kay,” Scotty agreed, breathless.
But the person wouldn’t stop, and the incessant knocking dragged Scotty out of the moment quickly.
“Wow, they...really need a signature.”
Kevin sat back, looking as frustrated as Scotty felt. “Are we ever going to have sex again?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m busy. My work, your family,” Scotty responded, annoyed with the situation. He grabbed his sweatshirt, trying to get dressed. “Maybe we need to schedule it.”
The suggestion went over as well as Scotty expected it to. Kevin walked to the door, letting Sarah in. Scotty tried not to glare at her as he picked up Kevin’s phone. He opened the calendar, half-listening as Sarah complained to Kevin.
Scotty went to the next night. He worked until 8:00, so he selected the slot for 9:00. Setting a new reminder alarm, he carefully typed in Sex. Lots of it. Hot and dirty as possible. Make Scotty SHOUT. Then he stood and walked to Kevin, pressing the phone into his chest. Walking away, he didn’t see Kevin’s reaction as he read it, but he certainly heard it in the tone of his voice.
And yet, the next day, after work and a pissy phone call from Robert, he went home to an empty loft. He ate leftovers in front of the TV and contemplated calling up Saul and Henry for drinks, or Jordan for a movie. In the end, he went to bed early. He sighed, closing his eyes and picturing Kevin in his wetsuit, carrying a surfboard across a beach. He imagined the two of them sitting next to a bonfire, Kevin holding him tightly in his arms as they enjoyed the night air. And he fantasized that they found more enjoyable ways to stay warm as the fire died out. Scotty went to bed early. But he didn’t go to sleep until much, much later.
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