Anonymous (10/12)
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Kevin tapped his fingernails against the glass of his champagne flute. He looked around the room, watching the different groups of people interact, hoping nobody saw him in the corner and came over to talk to him. He didn’t know how many more of these fundraisers he could go to. The only thing that kept him sane through them was the thought of talking to Scotty afterwards.
Kitty sidled up next to him, and Kevin turned to face her. "Having fun?" he asked.
Kitty shrugged. "I kind of thought, when Robert asked me to be his date, that I’d actually talk to him a little."
"Welcome to the life of a politician."
Kitty sighed before looking at Kevin slyly. "Truthfully, I only came for one reason."
"What’s that?" Kevin asked, taking a sip of his drink.
"I want to meet him," Kitty said with a grin.
"Meet wh - no. Absolutely not."
"Oh, come on, Kevin. Tommy’s met him. Sarah’s met him."
"Not while I was at a work function with my boss two feet away."
"I’m not going to say anything," Kitty replied, exasperated.
"Kit. Let it go."
"Fine," she said tersely. She turned away, muttering under her breath, "You’re introducing me."
Kevin opened his mouth but immediately pretended everything was fine as Vicky walked up to them, carrying a tray of full drinks. She offered one to Kitty, who declined with a wave.
"Hi Kevin. You good?" Vicky asked as she turned to him.
Kevin looked at his glass. "Yeah, I’m fine."
"OK." She paused for a second, then stepped closer, adding quietly, "Dinner might be a little delayed."
Kevin glanced at her, concerned. "Is there a problem?"
"Jim started late."
"Who’s Jim?"
"Our Sous chef."
"Where’s Scotty?" Kevin asked.
"He cut himself pretty badly. The paramedics took him to the hospital."
"Oh!" Kevin said, standing straighter in surprise.
Vicky gave him a small smile. "No news yet."
"OK, Vicky. Um, thanks."
As Vicky walked away, Kitty looked at Kevin in concern. Kevin exhaled, trying to figure out what, if anything, he should do.
"Go," Kitty said.
He turned to her, confused. "What?"
"Go take care of him. I’ll cover for you."
"Really?"
Kitty shrugged. "I’ll think of something."
Kevin smiled at her. He leaned over to kiss her cheek, handed her his glass, and made his way through the room towards the exit.
***
"OK, Mr. Wandell," the doctor said as he escorted Scotty out of the exam room. "Here are your prescriptions. There’s an antibiotic and a painkiller - you can pick those up in the pharmacy. Take one of each when you get home, and you can get the stitches out in about a week."
"Thanks, Doc," Scotty replied, wincing as he held his hand very stiffly in front of him.
"Do you have anyone you can call to pick you up?"
"Um," Scotty said, trying to think if Jordan was working that night.
"I’ve got him," a voice in the waiting room said.
Scotty turned, surprised. "Kevin!"
Kevin stood up, tossing an outdated magazine onto a side table. He walked over to Scotty and the doctor with a somewhat sheepish smile. "Vicky told me you were here," he explained.
"Oh," Scotty said, still somewhat dazed.
The doctor interrupted. "He’s going to be a little sore, obviously, for the next few days," he told Kevin. "And once he takes the pain pill, he’s going to be out, so just point him in the direction of a soft surface, and he’ll be fine."
Both Scotty and Kevin laughed, albeit somewhat uncomfortably, at the joke.
"Thank you, Doctor," Kevin said, nodding. He reached a hand to Scotty’s shoulder, guiding him lightly out of the waiting room.
"Kevin, you - " Scotty said nervously, "You don’t have to be here."
"Sure I do."
"You should be at the fundraiser."
Kevin turned his head to look at him as they walked down the hall. "Trust me," Kevin said seriously. "I’m where I want to be."
Scotty stopped and stared back at him, a light smile on his face. After a few moments, he turned away and started walking again.
"So what happened?" Kevin asked.
Scotty shook his head in self-disgust. "I don’t even know. I was deveining shrimp and the knife...slipped."
"Now do you believe me about shrimp?"
Scotty laughed. "They are the devil’s food," he agreed.
"Told you so."
***
"Here you go," Kevin said, walking into the bedroom. He watched for a second as Scotty tried unsuccessfully to unbutton his shirt.
Kevin stepped closer. "Scotty, here."
Scotty glanced up, then put his hand out, palm up. Kevin gave him the pills, and Scotty quickly popped them into his mouth. He took the glass of water from Kevin, who immediately reached out for the top button of Scotty's shirt. Scotty looked startled, but he didn’t say anything as Kevin swiftly moved to the next button. Scotty held his arms to the side to give him room, and Kevin glanced up at him with a smirk.
"Of all the ways I imagined undressing you..."
Scotty laughed quickly, then attempted to look serious. "Kevin," he chastised.
Kevin smiled softly, focusing on the shirt again. "You’ve never thought about it?" he asked innocently.
Scotty breathed in, lightly shaking his head in reproach. Kevin reached the last button and he pulled his hands away for a moment, before reaching up and pushing the shirt off Scotty’s shoulders. He lowered his hands again slowly, swallowing as he moved towards Scotty’s pants. Scotty moved quickly, grabbing onto Kevin with his uninjured hand.
"I can get that one."
"You’re sure?" Kevin asked teasingly, looking up at Scotty. Scotty’s eyes were bright, and he was swaying slightly on his feet; Kevin couldn’t be certain if it was the injury, the drugs or him causing Scotty’s reaction.
Scotty swallowed. "I’m sure," he said, before taking a deep breath and nodding.
"OK," Kevin whispered. He stepped back. "Do you want me to stay?"
Scotty laughed self-consciously. "I do. So you should go."
Kevin smiled softly. "I don’t mean it like that. I mean," Kevin paused. "I mean, making sure you’re comfortable, getting you your next pain pill..."
Scotty looked back up at him. "You’re sweet," he said with a smile, "but I’ll be fine."
"OK," Kevin said. He cleared his throat quickly, stepping further away from Scotty and breaking the tension in the room. "I’m going to go fill up this glass, and you get into bed."
Scotty nodded. "Kay," he agreed, handing the glass back to Kevin.
When Kevin returned to the bedroom, he refused to look at Scotty’s clothes crumpled on the floor. He refused to get any ideas about the man now curled up in bed. He simply walked over to place the full glass of water on the nightstand next to the bottle of pills. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared down at Scotty.
Scotty’s eyes opened slowly, and Kevin could tell the drugs were quickly taking effect. He lifted a hand and reached out to brush Scotty’s hair off his forehead. "Sweet dreams," Kevin said softly. "I’ll talk to you later."
Scotty nodded, eyes falling shut again. Kevin watched him for a few seconds longer, then leaned down to lightly kiss the top of his head. He stood and walked out of the room.
***
Scotty rolled out of bed late the next morning. He padded into his living room and looked around, still somewhat out of it. Then he walked through the room, switching on his computer as he continued into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of juice, using it to swallow down an antibiotic. Walking back into the living room, he sat down at his computer and signed into the dating site.
There were no new messages.
Scotty sighed, reminding himself that Kevin-33 was out of the country, not to mention busy with work. He typed out a quick Hope the trip’s going well. Thinking of you. He stared at the message for a minute, then signed out without sending it.
Scotty stood up again, walking over to the window. Staring out to the street below, he tried to figure out why he felt so uneasy, so uncertain about everything. Scotty exhaled slowly, bending his chin down to his chest. He took a deep breath, looking up again and turning from the window.
"It’s the pills," he said to himself, slightly anxiously. "That’s all."
***
Kevin carefully balanced the tray of coffees as he reached towards the doorbell. Suddenly the door opened; Kevin stepped back in surprise as Henry almost ran into him.
"Kevin!"
"Hi! Henry, hi. How are you?"
"Good," the other man replied. The two of them looked at each other, nodding somewhat uncomfortably. They had only met a few times and didn’t know each other particularly well. Although Saul and his boyfriend were now welcome at the Walker house whenever they wanted, breaking a lifetime habit of separation was proving to be difficult.
"Uh, coffee?" Kevin suddenly asked, holding the tray out to him.
"Oh, thanks, Kevin. I’m actually on my way to work. I’ll take it to go?"
Kevin nodded, holding the tray steady as Henry lifted out one of the cups. Henry raised it slightly at him in thanks, then turned around.
"Sauly! Kevin’s here!" he yelled back inside, then turned around again, smiling at Kevin as he slipped past him.
Kevin stepped inside his uncle’s house, closing the front door behind him. He turned to the sound of someone walking down the hall. Saul appeared moments later.
"Kevin! What a nice surprise."
"Hi Uncle Saul. Sorry for being here so early."
"Don’t be ridiculous. I’m old, Kevin. I can’t sleep past 5:00 anymore."
Kevin smiled, sitting down on the couch cautiously. "Something to look forward to," Kevin joked.
Saul sat next to him, pulling a leg up underneath his body. "What’s on your mind?"
"I wanted...I wanted to ask you for advice."
Saul nodded at him to continue.
"There’s..." Kevin cleared his throat. "There’s this guy."
"I know," Saul said, and Kevin looked up at him. "Your mother told me everything," Saul explained.
"I want to make it work, but I don’t really," Kevin shook his head. "I don’t know how to date a man."
Saul laughed cheerfully. "Kevin, dating’s dating. You go for dinner, you watch a movie, you talk, and you make out on the couch."
"It’s as simple as that?" Kevin asked skeptically.
"No, Kevin," Saul said seriously. "Nothing about a relationship - any relationship - is simple. There isn’t some secret gay handbook I can give you. I don’t know how to be a gay man, even at my age. You just have to be yourself."
Kevin stared ahead, nodding slightly. Saul leaned forward.
"I’m sorry, Kevin," he said after a slight pause.
Kevin turned to him, startled. "Sorry for what?"
Saul smiled at him. He breathed in, shaking his head. "I watched you all those years. I watched you struggle, and I wondered how no one else noticed. Maybe it was because I was always on the outside, so I could see what the others couldn’t. But I never did anything about it. I never made you talk; I never tried to get you to come out. You must have felt so alone, and I should have been there for you."
Kevin swallowed. "Growing up wasn’t easy," he allowed. "But it was my choice, Uncle Saul. I doubt even if you had said something, I would have listened to you. I wanted so much to...just be ‘normal.’ To fit in with everyone else."
Saul reached out and put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. "I didn’t have enough faith in the rest of you," Kevin continued. "I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for...Dad. For never sticking up for you and sitting by while he..." Kevin shook his head, sighing.
"Kevin, your father was a hard man to stand up to. He loved you, though."
Kevin looked up at Saul, smiling sadly. "He never knew me."
Saul was silent for a moment. "So don’t make that mistake again."
Kevin furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"
"Kevin, the one thing about all this that’s going to be unfamiliar to you is honesty. You’ve come out now, so...come out. No more lying, no more games. This chef - Scotty, is it? - isn’t likely to thank you for it."
Kevin nodded. "I know, Uncle Saul. I know."
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Kevin tapped his fingernails against the glass of his champagne flute. He looked around the room, watching the different groups of people interact, hoping nobody saw him in the corner and came over to talk to him. He didn’t know how many more of these fundraisers he could go to. The only thing that kept him sane through them was the thought of talking to Scotty afterwards.
Kitty sidled up next to him, and Kevin turned to face her. "Having fun?" he asked.
Kitty shrugged. "I kind of thought, when Robert asked me to be his date, that I’d actually talk to him a little."
"Welcome to the life of a politician."
Kitty sighed before looking at Kevin slyly. "Truthfully, I only came for one reason."
"What’s that?" Kevin asked, taking a sip of his drink.
"I want to meet him," Kitty said with a grin.
"Meet wh - no. Absolutely not."
"Oh, come on, Kevin. Tommy’s met him. Sarah’s met him."
"Not while I was at a work function with my boss two feet away."
"I’m not going to say anything," Kitty replied, exasperated.
"Kit. Let it go."
"Fine," she said tersely. She turned away, muttering under her breath, "You’re introducing me."
Kevin opened his mouth but immediately pretended everything was fine as Vicky walked up to them, carrying a tray of full drinks. She offered one to Kitty, who declined with a wave.
"Hi Kevin. You good?" Vicky asked as she turned to him.
Kevin looked at his glass. "Yeah, I’m fine."
"OK." She paused for a second, then stepped closer, adding quietly, "Dinner might be a little delayed."
Kevin glanced at her, concerned. "Is there a problem?"
"Jim started late."
"Who’s Jim?"
"Our Sous chef."
"Where’s Scotty?" Kevin asked.
"He cut himself pretty badly. The paramedics took him to the hospital."
"Oh!" Kevin said, standing straighter in surprise.
Vicky gave him a small smile. "No news yet."
"OK, Vicky. Um, thanks."
As Vicky walked away, Kitty looked at Kevin in concern. Kevin exhaled, trying to figure out what, if anything, he should do.
"Go," Kitty said.
He turned to her, confused. "What?"
"Go take care of him. I’ll cover for you."
"Really?"
Kitty shrugged. "I’ll think of something."
Kevin smiled at her. He leaned over to kiss her cheek, handed her his glass, and made his way through the room towards the exit.
***
"OK, Mr. Wandell," the doctor said as he escorted Scotty out of the exam room. "Here are your prescriptions. There’s an antibiotic and a painkiller - you can pick those up in the pharmacy. Take one of each when you get home, and you can get the stitches out in about a week."
"Thanks, Doc," Scotty replied, wincing as he held his hand very stiffly in front of him.
"Do you have anyone you can call to pick you up?"
"Um," Scotty said, trying to think if Jordan was working that night.
"I’ve got him," a voice in the waiting room said.
Scotty turned, surprised. "Kevin!"
Kevin stood up, tossing an outdated magazine onto a side table. He walked over to Scotty and the doctor with a somewhat sheepish smile. "Vicky told me you were here," he explained.
"Oh," Scotty said, still somewhat dazed.
The doctor interrupted. "He’s going to be a little sore, obviously, for the next few days," he told Kevin. "And once he takes the pain pill, he’s going to be out, so just point him in the direction of a soft surface, and he’ll be fine."
Both Scotty and Kevin laughed, albeit somewhat uncomfortably, at the joke.
"Thank you, Doctor," Kevin said, nodding. He reached a hand to Scotty’s shoulder, guiding him lightly out of the waiting room.
"Kevin, you - " Scotty said nervously, "You don’t have to be here."
"Sure I do."
"You should be at the fundraiser."
Kevin turned his head to look at him as they walked down the hall. "Trust me," Kevin said seriously. "I’m where I want to be."
Scotty stopped and stared back at him, a light smile on his face. After a few moments, he turned away and started walking again.
"So what happened?" Kevin asked.
Scotty shook his head in self-disgust. "I don’t even know. I was deveining shrimp and the knife...slipped."
"Now do you believe me about shrimp?"
Scotty laughed. "They are the devil’s food," he agreed.
"Told you so."
***
"Here you go," Kevin said, walking into the bedroom. He watched for a second as Scotty tried unsuccessfully to unbutton his shirt.
Kevin stepped closer. "Scotty, here."
Scotty glanced up, then put his hand out, palm up. Kevin gave him the pills, and Scotty quickly popped them into his mouth. He took the glass of water from Kevin, who immediately reached out for the top button of Scotty's shirt. Scotty looked startled, but he didn’t say anything as Kevin swiftly moved to the next button. Scotty held his arms to the side to give him room, and Kevin glanced up at him with a smirk.
"Of all the ways I imagined undressing you..."
Scotty laughed quickly, then attempted to look serious. "Kevin," he chastised.
Kevin smiled softly, focusing on the shirt again. "You’ve never thought about it?" he asked innocently.
Scotty breathed in, lightly shaking his head in reproach. Kevin reached the last button and he pulled his hands away for a moment, before reaching up and pushing the shirt off Scotty’s shoulders. He lowered his hands again slowly, swallowing as he moved towards Scotty’s pants. Scotty moved quickly, grabbing onto Kevin with his uninjured hand.
"I can get that one."
"You’re sure?" Kevin asked teasingly, looking up at Scotty. Scotty’s eyes were bright, and he was swaying slightly on his feet; Kevin couldn’t be certain if it was the injury, the drugs or him causing Scotty’s reaction.
Scotty swallowed. "I’m sure," he said, before taking a deep breath and nodding.
"OK," Kevin whispered. He stepped back. "Do you want me to stay?"
Scotty laughed self-consciously. "I do. So you should go."
Kevin smiled softly. "I don’t mean it like that. I mean," Kevin paused. "I mean, making sure you’re comfortable, getting you your next pain pill..."
Scotty looked back up at him. "You’re sweet," he said with a smile, "but I’ll be fine."
"OK," Kevin said. He cleared his throat quickly, stepping further away from Scotty and breaking the tension in the room. "I’m going to go fill up this glass, and you get into bed."
Scotty nodded. "Kay," he agreed, handing the glass back to Kevin.
When Kevin returned to the bedroom, he refused to look at Scotty’s clothes crumpled on the floor. He refused to get any ideas about the man now curled up in bed. He simply walked over to place the full glass of water on the nightstand next to the bottle of pills. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared down at Scotty.
Scotty’s eyes opened slowly, and Kevin could tell the drugs were quickly taking effect. He lifted a hand and reached out to brush Scotty’s hair off his forehead. "Sweet dreams," Kevin said softly. "I’ll talk to you later."
Scotty nodded, eyes falling shut again. Kevin watched him for a few seconds longer, then leaned down to lightly kiss the top of his head. He stood and walked out of the room.
***
Scotty rolled out of bed late the next morning. He padded into his living room and looked around, still somewhat out of it. Then he walked through the room, switching on his computer as he continued into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of juice, using it to swallow down an antibiotic. Walking back into the living room, he sat down at his computer and signed into the dating site.
There were no new messages.
Scotty sighed, reminding himself that Kevin-33 was out of the country, not to mention busy with work. He typed out a quick Hope the trip’s going well. Thinking of you. He stared at the message for a minute, then signed out without sending it.
Scotty stood up again, walking over to the window. Staring out to the street below, he tried to figure out why he felt so uneasy, so uncertain about everything. Scotty exhaled slowly, bending his chin down to his chest. He took a deep breath, looking up again and turning from the window.
"It’s the pills," he said to himself, slightly anxiously. "That’s all."
***
Kevin carefully balanced the tray of coffees as he reached towards the doorbell. Suddenly the door opened; Kevin stepped back in surprise as Henry almost ran into him.
"Kevin!"
"Hi! Henry, hi. How are you?"
"Good," the other man replied. The two of them looked at each other, nodding somewhat uncomfortably. They had only met a few times and didn’t know each other particularly well. Although Saul and his boyfriend were now welcome at the Walker house whenever they wanted, breaking a lifetime habit of separation was proving to be difficult.
"Uh, coffee?" Kevin suddenly asked, holding the tray out to him.
"Oh, thanks, Kevin. I’m actually on my way to work. I’ll take it to go?"
Kevin nodded, holding the tray steady as Henry lifted out one of the cups. Henry raised it slightly at him in thanks, then turned around.
"Sauly! Kevin’s here!" he yelled back inside, then turned around again, smiling at Kevin as he slipped past him.
Kevin stepped inside his uncle’s house, closing the front door behind him. He turned to the sound of someone walking down the hall. Saul appeared moments later.
"Kevin! What a nice surprise."
"Hi Uncle Saul. Sorry for being here so early."
"Don’t be ridiculous. I’m old, Kevin. I can’t sleep past 5:00 anymore."
Kevin smiled, sitting down on the couch cautiously. "Something to look forward to," Kevin joked.
Saul sat next to him, pulling a leg up underneath his body. "What’s on your mind?"
"I wanted...I wanted to ask you for advice."
Saul nodded at him to continue.
"There’s..." Kevin cleared his throat. "There’s this guy."
"I know," Saul said, and Kevin looked up at him. "Your mother told me everything," Saul explained.
"I want to make it work, but I don’t really," Kevin shook his head. "I don’t know how to date a man."
Saul laughed cheerfully. "Kevin, dating’s dating. You go for dinner, you watch a movie, you talk, and you make out on the couch."
"It’s as simple as that?" Kevin asked skeptically.
"No, Kevin," Saul said seriously. "Nothing about a relationship - any relationship - is simple. There isn’t some secret gay handbook I can give you. I don’t know how to be a gay man, even at my age. You just have to be yourself."
Kevin stared ahead, nodding slightly. Saul leaned forward.
"I’m sorry, Kevin," he said after a slight pause.
Kevin turned to him, startled. "Sorry for what?"
Saul smiled at him. He breathed in, shaking his head. "I watched you all those years. I watched you struggle, and I wondered how no one else noticed. Maybe it was because I was always on the outside, so I could see what the others couldn’t. But I never did anything about it. I never made you talk; I never tried to get you to come out. You must have felt so alone, and I should have been there for you."
Kevin swallowed. "Growing up wasn’t easy," he allowed. "But it was my choice, Uncle Saul. I doubt even if you had said something, I would have listened to you. I wanted so much to...just be ‘normal.’ To fit in with everyone else."
Saul reached out and put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. "I didn’t have enough faith in the rest of you," Kevin continued. "I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for...Dad. For never sticking up for you and sitting by while he..." Kevin shook his head, sighing.
"Kevin, your father was a hard man to stand up to. He loved you, though."
Kevin looked up at Saul, smiling sadly. "He never knew me."
Saul was silent for a moment. "So don’t make that mistake again."
Kevin furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"
"Kevin, the one thing about all this that’s going to be unfamiliar to you is honesty. You’ve come out now, so...come out. No more lying, no more games. This chef - Scotty, is it? - isn’t likely to thank you for it."
Kevin nodded. "I know, Uncle Saul. I know."
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