Until the Day Breaks: Chapter 1
Title: Until the Day Breaks (Chapter 1)
Rating: PG
Date written: March 2009
Word count: 4,052
Other information: Story is somewhat cannon though 2008, but I don’t know enough about the guys to make everything accurate. I still consider myself new to Supernatural, Jared, and Jensen. Don’t know all their friends, or family members’ names, or their life stories, or even all their previous acting experience. So, I try to write realistically, but I don’t know if I’ll be getting loads of things wrong. I apologize in advance. This is written just for fun, is completely fiction, and means no harm to any Real People involved. This whole thing started in a series of e-mails swapped with my dear friend who got me into Supernatural, when we ended up watching four seasons in just over a week. Thanks dear. (o: Can’t believe I’m gonna make this public. *shakes nervously* Written in American English. Thanks to moodwriter and Stephanie for beta-ing this!
--
He's seen Dean die hundreds of times now.
Well, Sam has, anyway, especially since that Mystery-Spot-Trickster episode. It happened so many times that what was at first gut-wrenching and terrifying became only a numb soreness, bordering on ridiculous and laughable - until Sam didn't wake up, that is.
But this time is different. This time Sam has no promise, no hope that Dean will live, survive, escape, or return. There was a deal with a demon. And a vicious Hell Hound. And all Sam can do is watch Dean get torn apart right in front of his eyes. Watch him die, watch the light leave his eyes…
Jared thinks Sam has a pretty cool, exciting, dangerous life. He’s crossing the country, on a never-ending road trip with his older brother. He convinces people he’s a cop, an FBI agent, a priest, and an insurance agent. Girls like him. Evils fear him.
But this is one time when Jared doesn't envy him.
..:..
Jared remembers the week they filmed Sam's death at the end of the second season. His job had been fairly easy - lay still, and don't move even an eyelash, or else face certain death. Jensen had had the hard job. He had worked hard to get into character, and the crew and staff had all steered a clear mile around him, with his demeanor grim and sorrowful and angry. Jared would never forget Jensen's expression after the scene where Dean mourned the loss of Sam, pleaded with whoever was listening, begged for an answer for what he was supposed to do - without Sam, without his brother...
When the cut was called, Dean finally turned away from the image of his dead brother and let out a shaky breath. It was the last scene of the day, having saved the hardest one for last, knowing it could be difficult to shake off the atmosphere and characters’ emotions.
Jensen didn't look at Jared as he left the set, shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets. He was known to disappear into himself at times, but Jared took pride in being able to shake him out of that. Usually.
There were some moments though when he was just...gone.
Concerned for his friend who had left set a little too quickly and sullenly for Jared's liking, he went straight to Jensen's trailer after saying goodbye to the crew.
"Hey," Jensen had greeted him, barely glancing up as Jared let himself into the trailer and sat on the small sofa near the door. Jensen sat across from him, hunched over, elbows on his knees, a beer already in his hand.
"You okay?" Jared asked.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Jensen returned, sounding more like Dean, making Jared feel more like Sam.
"So, what do you wanna do tonight?" Jared asked with gusto, trying to lighten the tone and get Jensen out of his funk. ""Madden? Pizza? Or that pool hall we pass every time we drive home and always say we'll stop at one day?"
"I dunno, man." Jensen sighed, stood from his seat and moved to the counter top, his back to Jared as Jensen fiddled with the snack packages there. "Maybe I'll just call it a night..."
Jared heard Jensen but didn't immediately respond. His eyes lingered on Jensen's back, his raised shoulders, tense arm muscles, the line of his spine and the way his T-shirt stretched along his back. Jared could swear it was like looking at a statue, the way Jensen was turned, the way every muscle seemed taut.
"Are you sure? We - " Jared began.
"I could use some time alone," Jensen interrupted, turning to face Jared and fixing him with a gaze - something strong, but not hard.
"You did great on those scenes," Jared said, taking a different tactic this time, rather than avoidance or subject changing. Jensen's gaze fell and slowly roamed around the trailer's interior. Then he scratched at his eye, sighed, flicked his gaze at Jared, and pushed forward from the counter.
"Come on, Padalecki. It's time to get out of here."
With that, a veil had fallen, and Jensen smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He started herding Jared up and out of his trailer. Jensen led the way out and Jared, needing to do something to reassure - maybe himself, maybe Jensen - set his hands on Jensen's shoulders, a manly squeeze, a couple of pats as they descended the stairs. Some kind of contact, some kind of touch. Jared couldn't help that he needed it, craved it. It was his language, his instinct.
Doubtful about something? A hand on a shoulder.
Hurting? A gentle pat.
Happy? A warm hug.
Sad? A touch on an arm.
Distant? Reach out.
Unsure? Hold on.
And Jensen received it, went with it - because Jensen was Jensen and Jared was Jared, and they knew that about each other.
..:..
Sometimes, Jensen touches Jared. And because he isn't as crazy and generous with his affection, it always makes it special when it does happen. Of course there are accidental brushes of fingers when handing off food or sodas, or when removing stray bits of fuzz or eyelashes from his skin between takes. But sometimes, Jensen seems to touch Jared purely for the sake of doing so.
Jared likes to think it’s because Jensen understands how Jared thrives on it.
It’s the weekend and they've finished shooting, everyone looking forward to the day off. A group of them go out to get the evening started right. Two beers in, and Jared’s sliding into the booth after a bathroom run. Jensen moves over and curls his arm around Jared's shoulders, smiles, and uses his other hand to pat against Jared's chest, probably harder than he means to, but the alcohol softens the sensation. It’s one of those things that Jensen just does, has always done. Like his hand can’t help moving to Jared’s chest. They both grin at each other, and then laugh at a joke shared from across the table, and Jared lets himself slouch into Jensen, relaxed and content with Jensen's arm around him, their thighs touching even as they all scoot in closer to fit another friend into the booth.
It’s a good excuse to sit closer.
..:..
Jared thinks Dean is a smooth talker with the girls, but he thinks it's funny when Jensen occasionally runs from them. Jensen just wants to be himself. He gets startled when a flock of Supernatural fans suddenly appears out of nowhere and he forgets for a minute why they're all talking to him - all at the same time, and all very quickly.
Jared is always amused and forgets at first that it's his unspoken responsibility to salvage the situation. He just watches as realization dawns in Jensen's eyes and he waits for the blush that never comes - because even when caught off guard, Jensen's a man of control, and rarely blushes.
Sometimes Jared plays a game in his head - one where he sees what antics it would take to get Jensen to blush. He imagines that it's adorable - if it is okay to call his friend, a guy, adorable. But he's pretty sure it is, because sometimes it's the only way he can describe Jensen - adorable, in a very manly way, of course.
But sometimes when he thinks of Jensen blushing, his mind wanders too far...
..:..
The first time Jared brings Jensen home to hang out at his parents, it’s Fourth of July weekend. And his mom promptly falls in love - though Jared is certain that she’s actually had a crush since the pilot aired.
Jensen just has a way with his 'thank you's and 'yes ma'am's that sets Jared's mom all a-flutter.
They’ve finished a season of shooting, and Jared and Jensen have settled into a comfortable friendship. Something deep, but fun. The potential for longevity. But their world hangs in the air, waiting for that call to say whether they’ll be heading back to Vancouver again for another season.
Jared really wants them to. He really wants this.
His family has a bar-b-q outside, and the cousins all go swimming as the afternoon sun begins its journey to the horizon. Tonight they all wait for its disappearance. It’s a night to light up the sky, and the Padaleckis have traditions for these sorts of things. Traditions that involve way too much money spent on fireworks of every shape and size.
Jared sees Jensen clap his hands together, rubbing them eagerly with a pyromaniac look in his eye.
They’ve played a lot with fire on set, and if they’re a little too enthusiastic with the tiny explosives in their hands, no one seems to mind because that’s apparently what Independence Day is all about.
They finally get to the big fireworks, and Jared and Jensen are sitting in lawn chairs, bare feet resting against the freshly cut grass. The dogs are barking in the backyard and home seems so utterly perfect, even with its heat and the sweat, and all the screaming and running around that Jared’s cousins are doing.
He watches the grand finale of the fireworks, colorful sparks flying through the air over and over again, with the loud cracks and booms behind them. Then he glances over at Jensen, head turned up, eyes alight with excitement, watching the sky and oblivious to Jared’s gaze.
Yeah, he wants this.
Later that night, various cousins, aunts and uncles are piling into their cars to head home, and the kids are set with the chore of picking up firework-remnants. Jared stands by his dad for a minute, throwing some trash away in the garbage can in the garage.
"Good kid, that one,” his dad says, causing Jared to stop. His dad isn't a man of many words, unlike Jared.
"Dad, we're not really kids any more."
"To me you are. But I reckon he's a good man."
Jared turns and surveys his father, wondering what’s on his mind. "Yeah," Jared says, unsure of what else to say.
"Hold on to that one."
Jared's brow furrows and he frowns. He wants to know what it is his father means, but before he can figure out how to ask, his dad takes the last swig from his rootbeer and turns away to say goodbye to his own siblings and their families, leaving Jared staring curiously after his dad.
..:..
Jared's dated a few girls over the last several months, but he hadn't expected it to be so hard to find a girl interested in Jared Padalecki - and not Sam, or Jared-who-plays-Sam.
He's called a few girl friends he used to know, and re-connected with some of them, but nothing's really the same any more.
Jensen goes on dates.
To the world at large, “officially” Jensen is still with Danneel. But they were friends before they dated, and now remain friends after. It’s easier for Jensen to let the media and press go on believing they are still together. He doesn’t want the attention that news of a break up and a newly-single Jensen Ackles might bring. The PR guys talked to him about it. Jensen doesn’t like a lot of attention, and Jared thinks he understands that. Respects the decision. When Supernatural is over, Jensen thinks things will calm down and the world won’t care who he dates or breaks up with. Jared has his doubts about that.
Still, the fact remains…
Jensen does go on dates.
Once Jared asks him where he meets his dates.
"Old friends."
Jensen seems to have a lot of friends - people he's collected over the years and held onto, people who must realize how great he is and who’ve held onto him as well. When he thinks about it, Jared feels two very distinct emotions: hope - that maybe when this Supernatural show is over, Jensen won't just drop him or forget about him. He'd kind of hate that. But second, he feels jealousy - because he wants to think that he's Jensen's best friend, and Jensen is his, but the truth is there are these other people in Jensen's life.
The two of them are friends, and with that Jared knows there should come some boundaries, and mutual understandings - like not being selfish, or jealous, or insecure. Jared tries not to be.
He grins, instead, and finds some way to touch Jensen, because Jared needs that reassurance for himself. Then he forgets whatever it was that had bothered him in the first place...
..:..
One 'old friend' starts calling Jensen a lot. At first, it annoys Jared. Cell phones are great and all, but sometimes it's frustrating how easily a call or text can pull someone away. But then Jensen starts hitting the 'ignore' button. Secretly, Jared's thrilled because he’s convinced that it means that his company is more important - at least at the moment - than the person who's calling. He feels a bit smug, but can't explain the grin to Jensen, who taps his shoulder gently in a passing movement, and then changes the subject.
..:..
They've been living together for awhile, and Jared couldn't have asked for a better roommate. Of course he and Jensen spend way too much time together, but they haven't grown sick of each other yet. And when they do need time alone, they just say so. They have separate rooms, separate friends, separate trailers at work. But they always end up together. Jared swears its some kind of magnetism. Maybe they've got magnetically charged blood, or skin, or molecules. Jensen just laughs - that laugh like he's amused by Jared, even when he's being stupid.
It makes Jared feel a bit warm as he returns the smile.
..:..
Jared comes home one night after hanging out with the guys. They had invited Jensen along, but he'd said he had things to do at home. It’s late when Jared slips in through the front door, surprised that the living room isn't pitch black. Instead, late night infomercials are flashing across the TV screen, lighting up the room. Jared sheds his coat and shoes, sets his keys on the table and rounds the end of the couch where he spots Jensen - asleep.
He’s stretched out on his back, wearing the sweatpants and old T-shirt he often wears on laundry day. His face is turned toward the flashing TV, and one arm is curled over his head, on the armrest.
Jared steps over toward the coffee table to reach for the remote, but stops halfway and stares unabashedly at his friend. Jensen's chest is slowly rising and falling with every breath. His sweats are slung low and his raised arm pulls his T-shirt up just enough to reveal a strip of skin across his lower abdomen, between waistband and T-shirt hem. One arm twitches then, and Jared watches, waiting, but nothing else happens. Jensen's eyes remain closed, his long eyelashes at rest against his cheeks. Jared watches as the TV continues to flick light across Jensen's sleeping form, sometimes highlighting his features, other times casting him in shadows.
Jared stands there for a few minutes before Jensen stirs, turning, stretching, and blinking his eyes. Jared reaches for the remote, suddenly prodded into action.
"You're home," Jensen says, rubbing one eye as he moves to prop himself up on his elbows. Jared holds the remote in his hand but does nothing with it.
"Yeah, just got in. You fell asleep in front of the TV."
Jensen blinks as if it’s taking him a minute longer to comprehend.
"Oh. I was waiting for you." He yawns and Jared smiles, finally feeling his shoulders relax - though he hadn't realized they'd been tense. He lowers himself to the edge of the couch where Jensen moves his legs to make room for him.
"Did you finish everything you needed to?" Jared asks.
"Yeah," Jensen nods, forcing himself to sit up, which places them very close together, facing each other.
"Not too drunk, I hope?" Jensen asks, sounding amused and slightly more awake.
"Nah, we just had a couple." Jared smiles at Jensen, and they look at each other for a moment. He watches as Jensen slowly moves, leaning closer, his hand reaching for Jared. Jared swallows uncertainly, unsure of what’s happening. Then Jensen's fingers curl around the back of Jared's neck. Jensen moves closer, tugs Jared nearer, until their foreheads touch.
Jared thinks maybe he had gotten drunk. Or maybe Jensen is sleepwalking. Maybe Jared is asleep and dreaming already. He feels very strange to be looking at Jensen so closely, his forehead warm against Jared's, his heart picking up speed for some unknown reason...
Seconds tick by, thrumming loudly in his ears, and Jared thinks he should do something, but he isn't sure what. Finally Jensen chuckles lightly, his breath brushing along Jared's cheek as he feels Jensen release his hold and lean back.
"Sorry," Jensen laughs, smiling a sleepy, bashful smile, one of those unguarded expressions that Jared always appreciates. But at the moment he isn't entirely sure what Jensen is apologizing for... So, Jared does what Jared does best.
"Don't worry, man. You know I love it when you get all touchy-feely with me," Jared teases and grins. Jensen is still smiling but adds an eye-roll and shoves Jared on the arm.
"Hey, rumor has it I'm a man-beast. You better watch it!" Jared warns.
"You're full of it, Padalecki!" Jensen shakes his head. "How many times have I told you to stop reading those teeny-bopper magazine articles about yourself?"
"Hey! Tiger Beat is a very reputable source!"
Both guys laugh hard at that remark, not finding the strength to keep the humorous argument going. Soon they make their ways to their own rooms, where Jared lays in bed, fully content for a full minute or two until he remembers...
Jensen so close, his fingers along Jared's neck...
Sam and Dean are close as brothers, and Jared and Jensen are close as friends, but that...
Something about it puts Jared's stomach in knots.
..:..
Jensen likes to take photos. Somewhere, Jared thinks he must have a billion pictures of Jared, too. Not because Jensen is obsessed with him or anything, but because Jensen is always shooting pictures on set, and Jared's kind of an annoying ass, sneaking into the frames just as Jensen is about to click the shutter and snap the photo.
When Jared was a child, he was often getting in trouble for the very same thing in family photos, at reunions, or at special events and gatherings. His Dad had had this painful way of thumping him on the back of the head - he thought it was probably a disciplinary action that all Texan children knew well.
Jensen, however, opts for shouting, "PADALECKI!" in his angry voice.
Jared thinks he's probably ruined a lot of photos, but he hopes Jensen's forgiven him. He's probably just deleted a billion pictures of Jared after the last few years together...
At least, that's what Jared had assumed, until one night when Jensen's friends are over, and they're looking at something on Jensen's laptop in the living room. Jared is in the kitchen playing fetch with the dogs, laughing to himself at the way their paws slide along the floor as they run and try to stop themselves. As Harley brings the ball back, Jared overhears Jensen's friends in the other room request to see his latest set photos. Only five minutes pass before Chris is shouting for Jared to join them, and look at something that is apparently hilarious and worth the look.
Jared heads into the living room and takes a seat on the arm of the couch, the dogs following him and wagging their tails expectantly, hoping Jared will throw the ball for them again.
On the screen is indeed a hilarious picture. It’s Jared during lunch break one day, with his two lunches boxes, using the food he hadn't eaten yet to make his face into a hideous monstrosity - complete with cucumber eyes, a red pepper mustache, and French-fry-fangs, trying to scare Karen, one of the members of the set crew who was sitting nearby, trying to eat but looking too disgusted.
Jared laughs out loud, setting them all off again into fits of very girlish giggles, the guys again and again trying to imitate and repeat the expressions of Jared and Karen in the picture, only to incite everyone into laughter again.
Once they finally calm down enough to ask Jensen to click on to the next photo, Jared decides to stay on the couch with them, curious about all the photos Jensen has taken and which Jared has never actually seen after the fact. But he’s surprised as they scroll through and he finds himself in so many of the pictures - with set crew members, or with the other actors, some of him alone between takes, others relaxing in the trailer, playing video games, or posing like an angry Sam, or even a sexy Dean. There are lots of photos of other people, too, but Jared honestly hadn't thought that Jensen would keep all of the random photos he'd snapped - not all the ones Jared had ruined.
Jared glances over at Jensen, who is returning the glance, their eyes meeting. Jensen seems part amused, and part something else. Something Jared can’t define.
"Aw, you guys are so cute!"
Jared's attention snaps back to the screen, and he notices Jensen's doing the same. On the screen is a photo of the two of them, one Jared definitely remembers being taken. They were goofing off around the set, as usual, and in the photo Jensen is standing with Jared on his back, piggy-back style, and someone else - maybe one of the junior techie girls - took the picture of the two of them laughing their heads off, Jared looking so huge "riding" on Jensen, who isn't small himself, and actually had no trouble at all holding him up.
Jared smiles. Yeah, maybe they are cute.
But being cute doesn't mean anything.
When Jared's caught goofing off between takes with Genevieve, people say they're cute too. And he supposes they're right. She's cute, anyway. Fun to be with, easy to talk to, and she hasn't been shy about expressing her interest in him. She'd probably be a great girlfriend, and why not, when he has fun spending time with her...?
Genevieve as his girlfriend. Jensen, his best friend and roommate.
The world is basically perfect.
He tells himself that, but the look in Jensen's eyes makes him doubtful.
"Together?" Jensen asks Genevieve, blinking.
The decision had only just been made, literally a few minutes ago, so naturally Jared expects Jensen to be surprised. Especially since Genevieve just blurts it out to him, rather than giving Jared a chance to tell his own best friend.
"Isn't it so random? Fate is so weird!" Genevieve says, happily twining her fingers into Jared's as they stand there outside the trailers.
"Yeah," Jensen says, looking slightly shell-shocked for all of two seconds before he covers with a mask of amusement. Genevieve doesn't notice, but then she wouldn't. Jared's almost an expert on Jensen's expressions at this point. He sees it.
On the other hand, he's not a mind reader. He thinks that's why there's a knot in his stomach again.
"And I almost missed the casting call because I was sick! And I never would have met Jared!"
She's so happy, Jared thinks it's enough for all three of them.
"That's so great," Jensen agrees distractedly. "We really ought to go and celebrate, too.” Genevieve grins and nods her head eagerly. “But right now I've gotta run to make-up and get touched up before the next scene. So, I'll catch you guys after!"
But he doesn't.
Genevieve wants to go out after Jared finishes for the day, but Jensen's already disappeared, and no one's seen him, and his phone only goes to voicemail. He's asleep when Jared returns home that night.
But things seem normal after that, in the following days and weeks.
So, his world should be perfect, really.
But it's not.
Maybe perfect’s not real, anyway.
Next: Chapter 2
Rating: PG
Date written: March 2009
Word count: 4,052
Other information: Story is somewhat cannon though 2008, but I don’t know enough about the guys to make everything accurate. I still consider myself new to Supernatural, Jared, and Jensen. Don’t know all their friends, or family members’ names, or their life stories, or even all their previous acting experience. So, I try to write realistically, but I don’t know if I’ll be getting loads of things wrong. I apologize in advance. This is written just for fun, is completely fiction, and means no harm to any Real People involved. This whole thing started in a series of e-mails swapped with my dear friend who got me into Supernatural, when we ended up watching four seasons in just over a week. Thanks dear. (o: Can’t believe I’m gonna make this public. *shakes nervously* Written in American English. Thanks to moodwriter and Stephanie for beta-ing this!
--
He's seen Dean die hundreds of times now.
Well, Sam has, anyway, especially since that Mystery-Spot-Trickster episode. It happened so many times that what was at first gut-wrenching and terrifying became only a numb soreness, bordering on ridiculous and laughable - until Sam didn't wake up, that is.
But this time is different. This time Sam has no promise, no hope that Dean will live, survive, escape, or return. There was a deal with a demon. And a vicious Hell Hound. And all Sam can do is watch Dean get torn apart right in front of his eyes. Watch him die, watch the light leave his eyes…
Jared thinks Sam has a pretty cool, exciting, dangerous life. He’s crossing the country, on a never-ending road trip with his older brother. He convinces people he’s a cop, an FBI agent, a priest, and an insurance agent. Girls like him. Evils fear him.
But this is one time when Jared doesn't envy him.
..:..
Jared remembers the week they filmed Sam's death at the end of the second season. His job had been fairly easy - lay still, and don't move even an eyelash, or else face certain death. Jensen had had the hard job. He had worked hard to get into character, and the crew and staff had all steered a clear mile around him, with his demeanor grim and sorrowful and angry. Jared would never forget Jensen's expression after the scene where Dean mourned the loss of Sam, pleaded with whoever was listening, begged for an answer for what he was supposed to do - without Sam, without his brother...
When the cut was called, Dean finally turned away from the image of his dead brother and let out a shaky breath. It was the last scene of the day, having saved the hardest one for last, knowing it could be difficult to shake off the atmosphere and characters’ emotions.
Jensen didn't look at Jared as he left the set, shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets. He was known to disappear into himself at times, but Jared took pride in being able to shake him out of that. Usually.
There were some moments though when he was just...gone.
Concerned for his friend who had left set a little too quickly and sullenly for Jared's liking, he went straight to Jensen's trailer after saying goodbye to the crew.
"Hey," Jensen had greeted him, barely glancing up as Jared let himself into the trailer and sat on the small sofa near the door. Jensen sat across from him, hunched over, elbows on his knees, a beer already in his hand.
"You okay?" Jared asked.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Jensen returned, sounding more like Dean, making Jared feel more like Sam.
"So, what do you wanna do tonight?" Jared asked with gusto, trying to lighten the tone and get Jensen out of his funk. ""Madden? Pizza? Or that pool hall we pass every time we drive home and always say we'll stop at one day?"
"I dunno, man." Jensen sighed, stood from his seat and moved to the counter top, his back to Jared as Jensen fiddled with the snack packages there. "Maybe I'll just call it a night..."
Jared heard Jensen but didn't immediately respond. His eyes lingered on Jensen's back, his raised shoulders, tense arm muscles, the line of his spine and the way his T-shirt stretched along his back. Jared could swear it was like looking at a statue, the way Jensen was turned, the way every muscle seemed taut.
"Are you sure? We - " Jared began.
"I could use some time alone," Jensen interrupted, turning to face Jared and fixing him with a gaze - something strong, but not hard.
"You did great on those scenes," Jared said, taking a different tactic this time, rather than avoidance or subject changing. Jensen's gaze fell and slowly roamed around the trailer's interior. Then he scratched at his eye, sighed, flicked his gaze at Jared, and pushed forward from the counter.
"Come on, Padalecki. It's time to get out of here."
With that, a veil had fallen, and Jensen smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He started herding Jared up and out of his trailer. Jensen led the way out and Jared, needing to do something to reassure - maybe himself, maybe Jensen - set his hands on Jensen's shoulders, a manly squeeze, a couple of pats as they descended the stairs. Some kind of contact, some kind of touch. Jared couldn't help that he needed it, craved it. It was his language, his instinct.
Doubtful about something? A hand on a shoulder.
Hurting? A gentle pat.
Happy? A warm hug.
Sad? A touch on an arm.
Distant? Reach out.
Unsure? Hold on.
And Jensen received it, went with it - because Jensen was Jensen and Jared was Jared, and they knew that about each other.
..:..
Sometimes, Jensen touches Jared. And because he isn't as crazy and generous with his affection, it always makes it special when it does happen. Of course there are accidental brushes of fingers when handing off food or sodas, or when removing stray bits of fuzz or eyelashes from his skin between takes. But sometimes, Jensen seems to touch Jared purely for the sake of doing so.
Jared likes to think it’s because Jensen understands how Jared thrives on it.
It’s the weekend and they've finished shooting, everyone looking forward to the day off. A group of them go out to get the evening started right. Two beers in, and Jared’s sliding into the booth after a bathroom run. Jensen moves over and curls his arm around Jared's shoulders, smiles, and uses his other hand to pat against Jared's chest, probably harder than he means to, but the alcohol softens the sensation. It’s one of those things that Jensen just does, has always done. Like his hand can’t help moving to Jared’s chest. They both grin at each other, and then laugh at a joke shared from across the table, and Jared lets himself slouch into Jensen, relaxed and content with Jensen's arm around him, their thighs touching even as they all scoot in closer to fit another friend into the booth.
It’s a good excuse to sit closer.
..:..
Jared thinks Dean is a smooth talker with the girls, but he thinks it's funny when Jensen occasionally runs from them. Jensen just wants to be himself. He gets startled when a flock of Supernatural fans suddenly appears out of nowhere and he forgets for a minute why they're all talking to him - all at the same time, and all very quickly.
Jared is always amused and forgets at first that it's his unspoken responsibility to salvage the situation. He just watches as realization dawns in Jensen's eyes and he waits for the blush that never comes - because even when caught off guard, Jensen's a man of control, and rarely blushes.
Sometimes Jared plays a game in his head - one where he sees what antics it would take to get Jensen to blush. He imagines that it's adorable - if it is okay to call his friend, a guy, adorable. But he's pretty sure it is, because sometimes it's the only way he can describe Jensen - adorable, in a very manly way, of course.
But sometimes when he thinks of Jensen blushing, his mind wanders too far...
..:..
The first time Jared brings Jensen home to hang out at his parents, it’s Fourth of July weekend. And his mom promptly falls in love - though Jared is certain that she’s actually had a crush since the pilot aired.
Jensen just has a way with his 'thank you's and 'yes ma'am's that sets Jared's mom all a-flutter.
They’ve finished a season of shooting, and Jared and Jensen have settled into a comfortable friendship. Something deep, but fun. The potential for longevity. But their world hangs in the air, waiting for that call to say whether they’ll be heading back to Vancouver again for another season.
Jared really wants them to. He really wants this.
His family has a bar-b-q outside, and the cousins all go swimming as the afternoon sun begins its journey to the horizon. Tonight they all wait for its disappearance. It’s a night to light up the sky, and the Padaleckis have traditions for these sorts of things. Traditions that involve way too much money spent on fireworks of every shape and size.
Jared sees Jensen clap his hands together, rubbing them eagerly with a pyromaniac look in his eye.
They’ve played a lot with fire on set, and if they’re a little too enthusiastic with the tiny explosives in their hands, no one seems to mind because that’s apparently what Independence Day is all about.
They finally get to the big fireworks, and Jared and Jensen are sitting in lawn chairs, bare feet resting against the freshly cut grass. The dogs are barking in the backyard and home seems so utterly perfect, even with its heat and the sweat, and all the screaming and running around that Jared’s cousins are doing.
He watches the grand finale of the fireworks, colorful sparks flying through the air over and over again, with the loud cracks and booms behind them. Then he glances over at Jensen, head turned up, eyes alight with excitement, watching the sky and oblivious to Jared’s gaze.
Yeah, he wants this.
Later that night, various cousins, aunts and uncles are piling into their cars to head home, and the kids are set with the chore of picking up firework-remnants. Jared stands by his dad for a minute, throwing some trash away in the garbage can in the garage.
"Good kid, that one,” his dad says, causing Jared to stop. His dad isn't a man of many words, unlike Jared.
"Dad, we're not really kids any more."
"To me you are. But I reckon he's a good man."
Jared turns and surveys his father, wondering what’s on his mind. "Yeah," Jared says, unsure of what else to say.
"Hold on to that one."
Jared's brow furrows and he frowns. He wants to know what it is his father means, but before he can figure out how to ask, his dad takes the last swig from his rootbeer and turns away to say goodbye to his own siblings and their families, leaving Jared staring curiously after his dad.
..:..
Jared's dated a few girls over the last several months, but he hadn't expected it to be so hard to find a girl interested in Jared Padalecki - and not Sam, or Jared-who-plays-Sam.
He's called a few girl friends he used to know, and re-connected with some of them, but nothing's really the same any more.
Jensen goes on dates.
To the world at large, “officially” Jensen is still with Danneel. But they were friends before they dated, and now remain friends after. It’s easier for Jensen to let the media and press go on believing they are still together. He doesn’t want the attention that news of a break up and a newly-single Jensen Ackles might bring. The PR guys talked to him about it. Jensen doesn’t like a lot of attention, and Jared thinks he understands that. Respects the decision. When Supernatural is over, Jensen thinks things will calm down and the world won’t care who he dates or breaks up with. Jared has his doubts about that.
Still, the fact remains…
Jensen does go on dates.
Once Jared asks him where he meets his dates.
"Old friends."
Jensen seems to have a lot of friends - people he's collected over the years and held onto, people who must realize how great he is and who’ve held onto him as well. When he thinks about it, Jared feels two very distinct emotions: hope - that maybe when this Supernatural show is over, Jensen won't just drop him or forget about him. He'd kind of hate that. But second, he feels jealousy - because he wants to think that he's Jensen's best friend, and Jensen is his, but the truth is there are these other people in Jensen's life.
The two of them are friends, and with that Jared knows there should come some boundaries, and mutual understandings - like not being selfish, or jealous, or insecure. Jared tries not to be.
He grins, instead, and finds some way to touch Jensen, because Jared needs that reassurance for himself. Then he forgets whatever it was that had bothered him in the first place...
..:..
One 'old friend' starts calling Jensen a lot. At first, it annoys Jared. Cell phones are great and all, but sometimes it's frustrating how easily a call or text can pull someone away. But then Jensen starts hitting the 'ignore' button. Secretly, Jared's thrilled because he’s convinced that it means that his company is more important - at least at the moment - than the person who's calling. He feels a bit smug, but can't explain the grin to Jensen, who taps his shoulder gently in a passing movement, and then changes the subject.
..:..
They've been living together for awhile, and Jared couldn't have asked for a better roommate. Of course he and Jensen spend way too much time together, but they haven't grown sick of each other yet. And when they do need time alone, they just say so. They have separate rooms, separate friends, separate trailers at work. But they always end up together. Jared swears its some kind of magnetism. Maybe they've got magnetically charged blood, or skin, or molecules. Jensen just laughs - that laugh like he's amused by Jared, even when he's being stupid.
It makes Jared feel a bit warm as he returns the smile.
..:..
Jared comes home one night after hanging out with the guys. They had invited Jensen along, but he'd said he had things to do at home. It’s late when Jared slips in through the front door, surprised that the living room isn't pitch black. Instead, late night infomercials are flashing across the TV screen, lighting up the room. Jared sheds his coat and shoes, sets his keys on the table and rounds the end of the couch where he spots Jensen - asleep.
He’s stretched out on his back, wearing the sweatpants and old T-shirt he often wears on laundry day. His face is turned toward the flashing TV, and one arm is curled over his head, on the armrest.
Jared steps over toward the coffee table to reach for the remote, but stops halfway and stares unabashedly at his friend. Jensen's chest is slowly rising and falling with every breath. His sweats are slung low and his raised arm pulls his T-shirt up just enough to reveal a strip of skin across his lower abdomen, between waistband and T-shirt hem. One arm twitches then, and Jared watches, waiting, but nothing else happens. Jensen's eyes remain closed, his long eyelashes at rest against his cheeks. Jared watches as the TV continues to flick light across Jensen's sleeping form, sometimes highlighting his features, other times casting him in shadows.
Jared stands there for a few minutes before Jensen stirs, turning, stretching, and blinking his eyes. Jared reaches for the remote, suddenly prodded into action.
"You're home," Jensen says, rubbing one eye as he moves to prop himself up on his elbows. Jared holds the remote in his hand but does nothing with it.
"Yeah, just got in. You fell asleep in front of the TV."
Jensen blinks as if it’s taking him a minute longer to comprehend.
"Oh. I was waiting for you." He yawns and Jared smiles, finally feeling his shoulders relax - though he hadn't realized they'd been tense. He lowers himself to the edge of the couch where Jensen moves his legs to make room for him.
"Did you finish everything you needed to?" Jared asks.
"Yeah," Jensen nods, forcing himself to sit up, which places them very close together, facing each other.
"Not too drunk, I hope?" Jensen asks, sounding amused and slightly more awake.
"Nah, we just had a couple." Jared smiles at Jensen, and they look at each other for a moment. He watches as Jensen slowly moves, leaning closer, his hand reaching for Jared. Jared swallows uncertainly, unsure of what’s happening. Then Jensen's fingers curl around the back of Jared's neck. Jensen moves closer, tugs Jared nearer, until their foreheads touch.
Jared thinks maybe he had gotten drunk. Or maybe Jensen is sleepwalking. Maybe Jared is asleep and dreaming already. He feels very strange to be looking at Jensen so closely, his forehead warm against Jared's, his heart picking up speed for some unknown reason...
Seconds tick by, thrumming loudly in his ears, and Jared thinks he should do something, but he isn't sure what. Finally Jensen chuckles lightly, his breath brushing along Jared's cheek as he feels Jensen release his hold and lean back.
"Sorry," Jensen laughs, smiling a sleepy, bashful smile, one of those unguarded expressions that Jared always appreciates. But at the moment he isn't entirely sure what Jensen is apologizing for... So, Jared does what Jared does best.
"Don't worry, man. You know I love it when you get all touchy-feely with me," Jared teases and grins. Jensen is still smiling but adds an eye-roll and shoves Jared on the arm.
"Hey, rumor has it I'm a man-beast. You better watch it!" Jared warns.
"You're full of it, Padalecki!" Jensen shakes his head. "How many times have I told you to stop reading those teeny-bopper magazine articles about yourself?"
"Hey! Tiger Beat is a very reputable source!"
Both guys laugh hard at that remark, not finding the strength to keep the humorous argument going. Soon they make their ways to their own rooms, where Jared lays in bed, fully content for a full minute or two until he remembers...
Jensen so close, his fingers along Jared's neck...
Sam and Dean are close as brothers, and Jared and Jensen are close as friends, but that...
Something about it puts Jared's stomach in knots.
..:..
Jensen likes to take photos. Somewhere, Jared thinks he must have a billion pictures of Jared, too. Not because Jensen is obsessed with him or anything, but because Jensen is always shooting pictures on set, and Jared's kind of an annoying ass, sneaking into the frames just as Jensen is about to click the shutter and snap the photo.
When Jared was a child, he was often getting in trouble for the very same thing in family photos, at reunions, or at special events and gatherings. His Dad had had this painful way of thumping him on the back of the head - he thought it was probably a disciplinary action that all Texan children knew well.
Jensen, however, opts for shouting, "PADALECKI!" in his angry voice.
Jared thinks he's probably ruined a lot of photos, but he hopes Jensen's forgiven him. He's probably just deleted a billion pictures of Jared after the last few years together...
At least, that's what Jared had assumed, until one night when Jensen's friends are over, and they're looking at something on Jensen's laptop in the living room. Jared is in the kitchen playing fetch with the dogs, laughing to himself at the way their paws slide along the floor as they run and try to stop themselves. As Harley brings the ball back, Jared overhears Jensen's friends in the other room request to see his latest set photos. Only five minutes pass before Chris is shouting for Jared to join them, and look at something that is apparently hilarious and worth the look.
Jared heads into the living room and takes a seat on the arm of the couch, the dogs following him and wagging their tails expectantly, hoping Jared will throw the ball for them again.
On the screen is indeed a hilarious picture. It’s Jared during lunch break one day, with his two lunches boxes, using the food he hadn't eaten yet to make his face into a hideous monstrosity - complete with cucumber eyes, a red pepper mustache, and French-fry-fangs, trying to scare Karen, one of the members of the set crew who was sitting nearby, trying to eat but looking too disgusted.
Jared laughs out loud, setting them all off again into fits of very girlish giggles, the guys again and again trying to imitate and repeat the expressions of Jared and Karen in the picture, only to incite everyone into laughter again.
Once they finally calm down enough to ask Jensen to click on to the next photo, Jared decides to stay on the couch with them, curious about all the photos Jensen has taken and which Jared has never actually seen after the fact. But he’s surprised as they scroll through and he finds himself in so many of the pictures - with set crew members, or with the other actors, some of him alone between takes, others relaxing in the trailer, playing video games, or posing like an angry Sam, or even a sexy Dean. There are lots of photos of other people, too, but Jared honestly hadn't thought that Jensen would keep all of the random photos he'd snapped - not all the ones Jared had ruined.
Jared glances over at Jensen, who is returning the glance, their eyes meeting. Jensen seems part amused, and part something else. Something Jared can’t define.
"Aw, you guys are so cute!"
Jared's attention snaps back to the screen, and he notices Jensen's doing the same. On the screen is a photo of the two of them, one Jared definitely remembers being taken. They were goofing off around the set, as usual, and in the photo Jensen is standing with Jared on his back, piggy-back style, and someone else - maybe one of the junior techie girls - took the picture of the two of them laughing their heads off, Jared looking so huge "riding" on Jensen, who isn't small himself, and actually had no trouble at all holding him up.
Jared smiles. Yeah, maybe they are cute.
But being cute doesn't mean anything.
When Jared's caught goofing off between takes with Genevieve, people say they're cute too. And he supposes they're right. She's cute, anyway. Fun to be with, easy to talk to, and she hasn't been shy about expressing her interest in him. She'd probably be a great girlfriend, and why not, when he has fun spending time with her...?
Genevieve as his girlfriend. Jensen, his best friend and roommate.
The world is basically perfect.
He tells himself that, but the look in Jensen's eyes makes him doubtful.
"Together?" Jensen asks Genevieve, blinking.
The decision had only just been made, literally a few minutes ago, so naturally Jared expects Jensen to be surprised. Especially since Genevieve just blurts it out to him, rather than giving Jared a chance to tell his own best friend.
"Isn't it so random? Fate is so weird!" Genevieve says, happily twining her fingers into Jared's as they stand there outside the trailers.
"Yeah," Jensen says, looking slightly shell-shocked for all of two seconds before he covers with a mask of amusement. Genevieve doesn't notice, but then she wouldn't. Jared's almost an expert on Jensen's expressions at this point. He sees it.
On the other hand, he's not a mind reader. He thinks that's why there's a knot in his stomach again.
"And I almost missed the casting call because I was sick! And I never would have met Jared!"
She's so happy, Jared thinks it's enough for all three of them.
"That's so great," Jensen agrees distractedly. "We really ought to go and celebrate, too.” Genevieve grins and nods her head eagerly. “But right now I've gotta run to make-up and get touched up before the next scene. So, I'll catch you guys after!"
But he doesn't.
Genevieve wants to go out after Jared finishes for the day, but Jensen's already disappeared, and no one's seen him, and his phone only goes to voicemail. He's asleep when Jared returns home that night.
But things seem normal after that, in the following days and weeks.
So, his world should be perfect, really.
But it's not.
Maybe perfect’s not real, anyway.
Next: Chapter 2