Saiyuki Fic: Perfect Timing (PG-13)

[what_works]

Fandom: Saiyuki
Title: Perfect Timing
Author: Em
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~500
Pairing: Sanzo/Hakkai-ish
Prompt: "The thunder like a lion's roar"
Summary: Sanzo's more comfortable with that weapon than he is with people.
Notes: written for fairymage's Lyric Challenge.
Many thanks to mistressrenet, morningstar4, and dragonbetween for quick betas.

Comments

[sexpress]

Very nice! Not too sappy or overly emotional.

[theemdash]

Thanks. I tend to go for restraint. ;)

[tresa_cho]

Okay, I think you got both their personalities down to a T, but I think the story lacks the beautiful description so inherent in Minekura's works. Spend some time describing the forest they're in, or the sounds they hear as they walk. Sanzo's labored breathing, Hakkai's eyes as they flick back and forth from the path to Sanzo's side.

I think if you had inserted the scene where Sanzo's injury worsens- their walking, basically- it might have improved the drama a bit.

I loved the idea you had here, and think you kept two difficult characters true to canon very nicely. Great job!

[theemdash]

I think the story lacks the beautiful description so inherent in Minekura's works.

This is a newbie asking, so forgive me if this is a stupid question: Has Minekura written any prose fiction? I'm asking because your statement seems to allude to that and I'd be interested to read it if it exists.

Spend some time describing the forest they're in, or the sounds they hear as they walk. Sanzo's labored breathing, Hakkai's eyes as they flick back and forth from the path to Sanzo's side.

All good suggestions, but this was a quick fic, as I call them. Rock 'em, sock 'em, get to the little scene that comes after the big moments. I admit that I ignored the setting a bit in this one, but I didn't completely forget about it. There are birdies. *points* *snickers*

I'm a bit of a minimalist at times; this fic didn't need a lot of scene setting to get the point across.

I loved the idea you had here, and think you kept two difficult characters true to canon very nicely. Great job!Thanks. I'm looking forward to dipping my hands into

[tresa_cho]

i disagree that this fic needs more detail; it's brevity is what makes it stand out. Too much 'emerald eyes gazed into ruby' blah blah blah. Your voice is an original one, and true; keep it that way but give us some more like this, OK ?

[theemdash]

Thank you. I'm really glad to hear that the characterizations are true. I refused to allow myself to write a word until I read all the manga and had scene a decent amount of the anime. Looks like that paid off. ;)

[theemdash]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will be writing more Saiyuki fic (though I'll probably dip into other pairings as well-I'm an equal-opportunity slasher). I'm looking forward to playing with the boys. *ahem* ;)

Good job!

[talebearer]

This is very well written. I like your restraint; a technical term for that is the "brushstroke technique," where a minimal amount of just the right detail is used. You certainly have that here. When Sanzo's tongue tastes Hakkai's skin, I could feel that. It gave me a shiver. Well done!

Re: Good job!

[theemdash]

Thank you. I fully believe that less is more. It's that whole "iceberg" approach to writing (where a lot of the story happens under the surface). ;)

I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you'll consider reading any more Saiyuki fic I get around to writing.