How I Love Jacking
June 25, 2005

jacking your house is a balancing act
testing torque against shear
tension against the purity of brute
mechanical advantage availing none
listening to the hydraulic pinhole
drill oil into earth, structure sagging
one half of one inch
into curses

Steal this and one day find oil drilling into youThe bottom line of ( Read more... )

Things that are more or less OK: Agreeing as the only person with a working car in the entire local family group to take one's father to eye surgery, the bank to extract a deed from a safety deposit box, and food acquisition so that one's father doesn't slip into a diabetic drug enhanced haze ( Read more... )

You know, there's a limit to being kind. Being kind stops when one person with a record of systematically destroying their cars - and other people's cars - by ignoring the more fundamental aspects of physics and driving attentiveness needs a ride into the shop to deliver the keys they forgot to leave with the car after crashing the car into someone ( Read more... )

You know the saying, it never rains, but it pours? Trust me; the sky might be clear - so clear that I'm not picking up city scatter - but it's flipping pouring. Needless to say, this is something of a rant, but it also should serve to amuse and warn. If you have a family member with propensities for nesting, shoot them now before it gets out of ( Read more... )

Friend of mine and I were wandering around the ins and outs of various religious models. I'm a pattern recognition sort, and that's about all I'll commit to in public, but at some point in the conversation, the idea of Calvinism came up. Now, one of the tenants of Calvinism is that you're either going to heaven or hell, and there's bugger all you ( Read more... )

I swear, there's something about my house that just attracts people dying, injuring themselves, having bad things happen to them. Verify car off road, bad position. Call 911. Go check to see if I can get to the vehicle. This makes person number 3? Four? I've been first on the scene for, and he wasn't in a position I could move him from without ( Read more... )

Every now and then I get bored and go shopping in the free stuff departments online. Usually this is a sign that exhaustion has come on and that I've ignored it, but I fear this time I've gone too far. Today, Cosmo Girl arrived in my mailbox, addressed to me. Now, I have an eye for fashion, but my idea of fashion is Johnny Cash black, body armor, ( Read more... )