Win or Die

[turnerwolf]

Name: turnerwolf
How did you find out about the community? If it's through an LJ user, please tell us who it is (individual user if possible, not just a community name!): Several on my flist are members.
Age: 36
Location: USA
Occupation: freelance writer, student, disabled

All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home. Please go into as much detail as possible, and be sure to include your ideal geographical location in the description!.

I'll start with location- I would have to be close to the sea- preferrably along the Atlantic, but I wouldn't limit myself to just being on the American shore. I would prefer it to be something along the upper east coast US, Canada or something along the coast of Iceland, Scotland, England... not to the Arctic regions, I'm not a fan of a TON of snow and ice, but northern, cooler regions are great. I don't want to be in the middle of a city on the seaside but not completely isolated and rural either. Something near the edges of a small town or village would be nice.

I don't want to sound horribly cliched here, but I would like a house made of stone or even brick... something substantial and strong. I've lived in rickety, old wooden houses, not to mention some time spent in tents. I want strong walls surrounding me, something not completely at the mercy of fire. It doesn't have to be a sprawling castle. I'd have my dog with me and maybe one or two other people living in the abode, so enough room for us would be fine. Four or five bedrooms, a nice library, two bathrooms, a decent kitchen with plenty of counter space to cook on and a double oven and dishwasher (two things I don't have but would very much enjoy) in addition to the other usual kitchen appliances, a game room and perhaps a nice sitting room with a fireplace.

I would like to have a decent basement- dry and warm for storage (the essentials- beans, bullets and bandages...perhaps I listen to too much Coast to Coast AM, but I would be prepared to hole up and defend for a bit if needed with the way this world is going- I no longer look at these doomsday preppers with amusement or poke any fun at them), also a laundry room there. I'd also like to have the place as off of the grid as I can with solar power, maybe some wind power and generators for backup.

A nice eight foot fence with a guard tower or two around my property would be welcomed as well.

2. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for? Please be as elaborate as you can. Wishing for more wishes is not permitted!

The classic opportunity of a genie granting three wishes usually isn't a good thing. Usually the genie finds a way to give you exactly what you asked for but the end result does not make you as happy as you had thought it would. In fact it can be downright miserable and ruin your life as it once was. The price for whatever you wish for is usually not worth paying.

How many stories, myths and fairy tales have you read that include genies that have gone 'well' for anyone involved with said genie?  Disney, aside... not many at all.  In fact, I can't think of one.  The genie is never happy to grant these wishes, he or she is trapped and doesn't particularly want to be beholden to the holder of the lamp.  I think, in these stories, the genie gets a perverse pleasure in coming up with a way to, at least on the surface, grant the wisher exactly what he or she wants, but in a manner that teaches the wisher it would have been better to work and accomplish the fruits of their wish by their own power.

So, keeping that in mind, I am going to have to decline the opportunity to wish. Anything I want in my life, it is up to me to work for it, to achieve it through hard work and sacrifice- the honest way, not to rely on a trickster who enjoys tormenting its victims.

But, that isn't what you probably wanted... so while I would not ask a genie to grant me the three following things, it is my goal to work for and achieve them-  financial security for myself, a measure of happiness and satisfaction for myself and those I care about, and overcoming my PTSD.

3. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why? You can list more than one if you have trouble deciding. ;)
I think my self-esteem has taken a leave of absence, because this question is one of the last ones for me to finish answering. I am sitting here trying to figure out some accomplishment that I am most proud of and I... can't think of a thing. I mean, I know I am not useless... I've accomplished things...

Looking back at my life- going all the way back to high school- I got my letter for my letter jacket (although I refused to have a letter jacket because the school's mascot was an Indian and as a Native American, I am NOT A BLOODY mascot, especially that ridiculous caricature they used- something very similar to the vile baseball team from Cleveland) by being on the chess and math teams as well as my involvement in the peer helper program.

I got into Brown University as well as Northeastern- but chose to remain closer to home- something now I kind of want to kick myself for not taking the opportunity, so looking at it with hindsight- accomplishment in being accepted, failure to follow through... kind of negates the accomplishment.

I was in the Army ROTC program at the college I did attend, but washed out three years in because of medical reasons...so another failure.

Got my Basic EMT, worked in that field for awhile- accompishment, but I got burnt out... back to failure. I passed my exams the first time around. I was the only one in my class to pass the written exam the first time- my class included a nurse... I guess I can call that an accomplishment.

There are little accomplishments- coming in first a few local M:TG tournaments... not too shabby, but I am not bringing in the money that some professional players are.

I've been published, but it was in an indie type situation... not the big leagues... nothing wrong with indie publishing, but anyone can do that, so should I call it an accomplishment? Some days I do, other days I don't... today is one of those days I am not seeing accomplishment in something that anyone with a few bucks can do.

I could be a little easier on myself I suppose... but that is not my nature. I guess it was a lesson I learned as a child- nothing I ever did was quite good enough... if I brought home an A, why wasn't it an A+? That was always the question, never a 'good job'.

I guess my biggest accomplishment is going to be coming to terms with the fact that I HAVE accomplished things and not always trying to shrug it off and classify it as failure rather than an accomplishment. Haven't got there yet though.

4. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.

Most important would be knowledge. Knowledge can't be taken from you... well, minus effects of disease. Love is fickle, money even more so. Family is a joke for the most part and friendships can be just as fickle as love and money and unreliable as family. Adventure... can't have adventure without knowledge and pleasure is fleeting.

Least important though? Money. Not saying money isn't important at all, but if you have knowledge, you can always find a way to improve your financial situation. So out of all those options, it is the least important to have to start out with.

You didn't ask, but to list them all in order of importance in my view: Knowledge, adventure, friendship, pleasure, family, love, money.

5. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.

And I say to my people’s masters: Beware
Beware of the thing that is coming, beware of the risen people
Who shall take what ye would not give.
Did ye think to conquer the people, or that law is stronger than life,
And than men’s desire to be free?
We will try it out with you ye that have harried and held,
Ye that have bullied and bribed.
Tyrants… hypocrites… liars!
~Padraig Pearse

Pearse is one of my favorite poets. This poem is entitled The Rebel and this is merely the last eight lines, but I think they sum my views and values up rather well. I've dealt with adversity on many levels and this is me... it is a warning that I will not tolerate being used, abused, taken advantage of and held down nor will I put up with anyone doing those things to people that I hold dear.

6. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.

I haven't always been the best at managing my money. I will say though that over the years- growing up and being on a limited income, I've become much better than I used to be.

Even when I wasn't very frugal with my income, I always paid my bills and debts first.

Part of my disability includes manic phases which over spending and out of control spending can occur, but I always do my best to clean up the mess afterward even when that requires going without to pay my debts. I've reached the point that often I can recognize the mania approaching and will hand over my credit cards and bank card to my mom to put in the safe that I do not have access too. Not always, but enough so that I don't usually find myself in manic phase induced debt as often as I used to.

I would be happier if I had a little more security in regards to my income, but until I can rejoin the working world and get off of the disability, I will have to make do. The SS and SSI are barely enough to live on, and if you manage to save anything, that can be used against you and you can lose your benefits. It keeps you dependent and a slave to the system, something the government is quite happy of, I am sure. I don't like it. I am doing my best to get to the point that I can manage to get out there and rejoin the working world and have control over my financial destiny again because I don't care for it being in the hands of Obama or even worse, should Romininny (misspelled on purpose) win, his hands. Either way we are all screwed so maybe it doesn't even matter.

7. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?

I love reading. I'll read just about anything, but my favorite genres are historical fiction and non-fiction and sci-fi. Mysteries, biographies are also ones I particularly enjoy.

I love to write- original fiction and non-fiction. As with my reading preferences, my typical writing fare is historical fiction, sci-fi and mystery type peices. I do occasionally write fanfiction, but not like I used to. Now, I pretty much only write it for challenges at writerverse that call for it. Playing in other people's sandboxes is fun, but I have more fun in my own.

I play Magic: The Gathering, a collectible card game. For those familiar with the game red and green are my favorite colors to play although lately I have been playing with some blue and white decks that are quite fun.

I also enjoy playing Guild Wars 2. My main characters are Asuran and Charr and their professions are rangers and engineers. I do have a Norn thief that is fun. I play on the Fort Aspenwood server (US) and am in a great guild made by some real life friends but we welcome new folks. It is called the Browncoats of Serenity Valley.

I enjoy archery- I have a long bow as well as crossbow. I enjoy hunting.

I enjoy cooking- especially Asian and Indian foods.

I do beadwork, make soap and have recently started making chainmaille- basically jewelry in the style of chainmail.

8. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.

1. Spiders. They creep me out to the point of turning me into a hysterical weenie when one gets close... the larger the spider, the more I freak out. The closer to me... the more I freak out. I freak out to the point of being useless. There was a horrible spider in the shower the other day. My mother and my dog were treated to the sights and sounds of me shrieking and then streaking from the bathroom to my room, dripping water the whole way. I refused to go back in until my mother had disposed of the spider. I should be ashamed, but the fear trumps the shame every time.

2. Failure. Failure in anything... school, work, entertainment... even things that aren't important. This fear can occasionally be so crippling that I don't try new things simply because I am terrified I will fuck it all up and fail. Which that in itself is a failure, so I don't avoid failure at all. Vicious circle.

3. Fire. It is hot. I've been burned- not severely, but enough to respect and fear the flames. For awhile, I worked as a volunteer firefighter with a local department. I was a basic EMT so most of my duties were treating the sick and injured and getting them to the hospital, but we were still trained to help the firefighters. My experiences there also added to my respect of the flames and did help overcome some of the fear, but still it does remain.

9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.

My three best qualities are honesty, creativity, and loyalty. I speak the truth as I know it. I don't sugar coat it or tell little white lies to appease others. If you question how you look in a dress... don't ask me unless you want the truth. If you look great and it flatters you, then I will tell you that, but if it doesn't? Then I will tell you that too with no hesitation.

At the risk of sounding like an ego maniac, I consider myself to be a creative person. Not only in my writing, but how I think and how I approach situations.

If you have earned my trust and thus my loyalty, there isn't much I won't do for you. Even if you mess up- I won't lie for you, I won't go hide the bodies with you if that is what it comes to, but I will stand by your side if you want to come clean and face the consequences of your actions, no matter what others might think of you. We all err. We are human. We all make mistakes, but if you lie to me or yourself, then I lose that respect and I can't offer that loyalty.

My three worst qualities are procrastination, avoidance, and a quick temper. I tend to put off things that I know I have to do, but don't want to do or simply because there are other things that I want to do more. Sometimes, the more other people want me to do something, the more I dig my heels in and procrastinate... even if I want to do whatever it is they want me to do, so perhaps a form of oppositional defiance should make the top three.

The avoidance... I think that goes hand in hand with the procrastination. There are somethings I should do, conversations that I should have, even confrontations that I should have, but because I don't want to deal with the potential confrontation, I'll avoid having to have that talk or whatever. It isn't healthy and I know that it causes far more stress and anxiety than just facing a situation, but still, there are occasions that I will side step and do all the avoiding I can.

I have a quick temper. No... I guess not so much a quick temper, but a fiery one. It does take a lot to aggravate me to the point I get angry, but once I get angry? I can overreact very quickly and hold onto that anger for a very, very, very, very long time. Once someone has pushed me to the point of anger, I am pretty much done with them if the situation warrants it. They have burned their bridges, although I can't lay the blame for the flame that ignites that bridge on them entirely, the result is that the bridge is burned and I am finished with them. No matter how many apologies are issued... I will be civil and can get along with them in a work situation, but the friendship and any personal respect or admiration I had for them is finished.

I'm not perfect and sometimes upon reflection, I see my reaction, my anger, at least, wasn't warranted and there were other circumstances that I didn't look at, in that case, a bridge can be repaired, I'm willing to make the effort but I am not going to fret about it and be overly concerned if the other person doesn't feel the relationship is worth repairing.

A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.How many books from the series have you completed?
I have read them all. I have re-read the first four many times and I am currently doing a re-read of ADWD.

2.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?
My top three favorite characters change often. With each re-read, I gather more insight and my favorites get shuffled around. So, currently? My top three are: Eddard Stark, Arya Stark, and Tyrion Lannister.

Eddard is probably the one exception to my changing favorites. Ever since I first picked up the series, Eddard has been a favorite. I sniffled when he died... and if you know me... that sniffling at his death is very meaningful. His honor, his integrity, his courage... *sigh* he is the perfect man, the perfect hero.

Tyrion Lannister, arguably the exact opposite of Lord Eddard Stark when it comes to honor and integrity, but I have to say I admire him for those things as well. While Eddard chose to take his stand and die, Tyrion is more the type to do whatever he had to, to survive and continue the fight. I think that both types of men are needed. I admire Tyrion for his bookish ways and his attitude of never giving up, even when circumstances are stacked against him. He will find a way to fight and survive.

Arya Stark- another person I admire for her attitude and her will to survive, something she shares with Tyrion- the strength to improvise, to adapt and to overcome despite her size, sex, age... all of it. She takes every hardship that is thrown at her and survives. The fact that it seems her will is fed by her desire for revenge is a bit troublesome, but she is young and there are worse motivators than wanting to succeed to have justice against those that have hurt your family, your friends and yourself.

3.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?

These three do not tend to change as much as my three favorites... Cersie Lannister, Theon Greyjoy, and Sansa Stark.

I'll start with the reasons I don't like Sansa Stark because I am sure many of you have recoiled in horror and outrage. I will start by saying that although I don't care for her, I don't hate her as I do Cersei and Theon. I hate the things Sansa has done, but I will say that her adventures and experiences along the way, starting with the murder of Lady (one of the things that irritates me about Eddard... but I get why he did it, it was far more merciful a death than what Lady would have received at the hands of a Lannister) with her existence under Cersie's thumb after Eddard was murdered, then her adventures with Petyr- all of this has been rough on Sansa, but it has been eye opening for her. Sansa isn't the girl who betrayed her father to Cersie anymore, but the fact she did betray him speaks volumes of her character and that isn't something I can ever truly forgive. I don't wish her her ill, I hope that she continues to learn and grow, but I do find her character flawed and not one that would earn my loyalty. She might get my begrudging respect at some point, but not now.

Cersie... what a vile, horrible person. I can find absolutely no redeemable qualities about this woman and her character. I hate her just as much as I hated her son Joffrey. I hope she meets a similar fate. She can't even play the game of thrones consistantly because she doesn't understand there has to be give and take in this game. There has to be some measure of compromise. Something she should have learned from her brother Tyrion or even Petyr. Had she, I'll admit, she might be unstoppable. It seems while all those around her that might have been as unyeilding, such as her brother Jamie, havelearned the hard way that sometimes you do have to yield. Maybe I wouldn't hate her so much if I saw that acceptance in her, but I haven't. Or maybe I simply hate her too much to see it... I don't know, it's possible.

Theon Greyjoy... as much as I love the land of the Greyjoys, their sigil and even their words... I cannot stand this disgusting creature. I can't even summon pity for how he suffered at the hand's of Bolton's bastard. He betrayed Robb. He betrayed Brandon, Rickon... he was raised as their brother although a foster due to his father's revolt. He wasn't mistreated by the Starks. I'd say he got better treatment from Catelyn than Jon ever did. He swore an oath to Robb and betrayed him, something I can't forgive nor forget. I will say that had he chosen to leave Robb and then support his own father but did not try to take Winterfell, I might have been a little more lenient. Might. Doubt it though.

4.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?

I can only choose one? What happened with the pattern of 'three'? What to do... I could go back to the beginning, one of my favorites from the start was the discovery of the Stark wolves, especially Jon's discovery of Ghost. But for wit and snark, we have to visit Tyrion and for that we could go back to the beginning as well, his conversation with Jon about accepting who and what you are and wearing that like armor. Not only was it a great scene in the book and very telling of the characters it is one of those lessons you can pluck out of the book and apply it to yourself. I guess that would have to be my absolute favorite although there are so many more moments in the entire series that stick out... if I think about it anymore, this application will be far longer than any of you would like.

5. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?

Tyrion at the head of the Lannister family. Jon, somehow saved and at the head of the Night's Watch. Stannis back to his own lands- the Stormlands. Asha at the head of the Greyjoy family and Pyke. Arya Stark back at Winterfell and having Winterfell restored to its glory. Sansa gaining control over the Arryn land holdings. Daenerys and her dragons returning to Dragonstone and ruling there. Arianne Martell at the head of the Martells. Margaery Tyrell at the head of the Tyrells... other than Tyrion, Jon and Stannis... I seem to see a pattern here...

For Westeros on the whole though? I am thinking more of system where each House takes a turn of so many years in power before handing control over to the next family in line. If not, there might be a measure of peace if control was taken by only one of the families again, but I doubt it would last. The game of thrones will always be played, even if power was shared and each family had a few years in control in a cycle. The game will continue and there will never be a lasting peace. Such a peace will not happen in our world, much less the world of Westeros.