Cheating Time, by Gillian Taylor and WMR, 3/7
Story: Cheating Time
Authors:
dark_aegis and
wendymr
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness, others
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no matter how much we beg, they're still not ours...
Summary: He's saved the universe over and over again. He's lost everything, including his own race. Doesn't the universe owe him something in return?
With thanks and hugs again to
nnwest and
aibhinn for BRing even despite major life events such as moving and losing computer access. And, if
dark_aegis and I thought we were blown away by the response to chapter 1, that's nothing compared to the wonderful feedback we got on chapter 2. And 42 people have favourited this on Teaspoon! Words aren't enough to say thank you, but do believe that we mean it. :)
Chapter 1: The Lure of Temptation l Chapter 2: A False Sense of Security
Chapter 3: Home to Roost
She knows.
While he's caused empires to fall with just six words, his world has collapsed with just two. He grips the edges of the console with both hands, suddenly convinced that it's the only tangible thing that's letting him keep hold of his sanity. He thought that he'd have more time than this.
He closes his eyes, seeking shelter in that fragile darkness from the accusation in her eyes. It's much too soon.
Steeling himself, he opens his eyes and faces her, keeping one of his hands braced against the console. “I’m still your Doctor, Rose,” he says and wonders if she knows the truth behind those words. Even when she’s gone, he’s still hers.
“I’m right, aren’t I? You’re from the future?”
He’s tempted to qualify those words with the truth - he’s from her future, past and present. He’s a Time Lord and beyond such considerations, though he knows that he’s playing with fire. Rose Tyler is a woman out of her time. He stole her from his past self.
“Yes,” he says softly, cursing himself for telling her that particular truth. Then again, how can he keep this a secret? She deserves the truth, even if she decides she has to return to his past - her present.
“What happened?” she asks and then shakes her head. “No, don’t tell me. I know. Jus’ tell me this - did you have to watch it happen?”
He winces.
She fell.
In a second, an instant, she was falling towards the Void and there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say, beyond screaming. The instant Pete Tyler appeared and wrapped his arms around Rose, he felt his hearts stop. Their gazes met across the expanse of the room and a second later she was gone.
He lost her. Oh, Rassilon, why did it have to be her?
There’s a whisper of cloth as she closes the distance between them. The compassion in her eyes almost undoes him as she rests her hand against his cheek. “I’m sorry.”
He’s torn between pushing her away and pulling her closer, drawing comfort from a presence that he's been denied for so long. He gives in and wraps his arms around her, craving this simple touch.
"How long?" she asks.
"Too long," he replies, unwilling to give voice to the exact number of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years since she was last within touching distance.
He doesn't want to admit that he fears this conversation will be the precursor to her leaving him - again - only this time because she wants to. Rassilon, how long can he keep doing this? Beating time only lasts for so long and here's the result.
What was it that caused her to find out the truth? Did he-? Oh, of course! Her room. There was bound to be something in there that might give her a clue. He went inside exactly once after she was torn from him, and beyond that one time he got the TARDIS to seal the door until she returned or until he managed to overcome his grief. Today, he thought both had come true - until now.
That grief is returning tenfold and he doesn't seem to be able to unlock his arms from around her, to let her go. She's leaving. He was wrong. He thought her knowing was the worst part of this.
This is. She's going to want to leave, to set things straight, and he doesn't want to let her go.
"Have you… I mean, there isn't anyone else here now, but have you…" She doesn't complete her question, but she doesn't have to.
"Yes."
That answer causes her to draw in a breath and stiffen within his arms. Where she was once pliant and trying to comfort him, now he feels her trying to pull away. "Oh." The word is sullen, resigned, and is that a hint of jealousy?
No. It can't be. Rose never wanted him to be alone.
She looked at him, her tears and sobs breaking his hearts. "What're you gonna do?"
"Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords." Only without her. She had promised him forever.
Forever is the one thing he would never, ever have.
"On your own?" she asked and he could see the question burning in her eyes. Would he forget her? Would she just become another companion, relegated to those who he never talks about?
He nodded, trying his best to answer her question. He'd never forget her - how could he?
Does she think he's forgotten her? Forgotten what she means to him? No, that's impossible. She has to know. She's here. "Rose, what is it?"
Her answer is to turn away, both physically and mentally, and he feels bereft from this simple departure. Jealousy. It's so very, very human. He forgot that about her, how possessive she could be of him. Or maybe he's dismissed anything that could make her less perfect in his eyes.
He closes his eyes and sighs. "I don't know what you want from me," he admits quietly.
What more can he give? He's changed history - then again, he didn't do it for her. He did it for himself. He's become a selfish old man.
When her answer comes, it brings with it all the finality of a death knell. "Take me back."
He was wrong. It doesn't take two words to destroy him. It takes three.
***
Rose sighs as she pulls away from the comfort of his embrace, needing to put some distance between them. He should've known better. He's changing history, just by having her here. She already knows she's going to die - isn't that enough? She knows that she's been replaced…
God, she can be such a selfish cow. What was she expecting? That he'd put his life on hold; remain in mourning for her forever? That's not fair. Not to him and certainly not to herself. She'd want him to move on, to find someone else to hold his hand.
He shouldn't be alone. He's rubbish at it.
Looking at the expression on his face - the expression that she put there - she shakes her head. She's got to convince him that taking her back is the right thing to do. Not because she's jealous (which she is) or because she hates him (never!) but because he has to.
She's already seen the world destroyed because of a mistake she made once upon a time. She doesn't want to see it destroyed because of him.
"You've got to take me back, Doctor. You told me that the whole world - maybe the universe - is different because an ordinary person is alive when they shouldn't be. Now I'm alive an' here when I shouldn't be. I know what'll happen. Reapers. They're jus' gonna try and seal up the wound, aren't they? They'll come after me." Rose doesn't want to admit how much that thought terrifies her.
"They won't come after you," the Doctor says.
"Why not?" she asks. "'Cause of the TARDIS? I'm not going to jus' stay in here where it's safe. This isn't how it's supposed to go."
"How do you know? Honestly, how do you know?"
She sputters, not expecting that response. "You lost me, Doctor. Said so yourself. How're you gonna lose me now? How's this, right here, right now, supposed to happen if you never lose me? If I stay here, doesn't that change everything?"
The Doctor starts to pace, rubbing the back of his neck as he moves. Desperation is written across his face, in the tension of his muscles. But there's more to it than simple desperation. All it takes is a single glimpse at his eyes and she knows.
He's terrified.
"I know what I'm doing," he replies. "It's all sorted. My past self won't go to-" He cuts himself off and she suspects that he was about to reveal where she died or will die or might've died. Or whatever it is. "-Well, it's sorted."
"How do you know?" she counters. "How do you know that things aren't going to just fall apart?"
The Doctor turns to face her, moving so close that she can almost hear his hearts beating. "Because it can't, okay? It's been sorted. There's no reason we can't just go to Maximus Regar."
"An' the Reapers?"
"Not going to show. No reason to. There's no wound in time. I've fixed it. It's all sorted, Rose. I know what I'm doing."
"Do you?" she replies, lifting her hand to touch his cheek. "Do you really?"
"Yes." There's a hint of doubt in that response that breaks her heart.
"I don't want to die," she admits quietly, letting her hand fall back to her side. "I'm not ready. Who is? But if it's my time, you've got to let me go."
"It's not your time. You don't die," he replies fiercely.
She blinks at that revelation. "But I'm not here any more, yeah? Why not?"
He shakes his head. "I can't tell you."
"Sod that! You've already changed history, Doctor! I'm here when I'm not supposed to be. You've changed it - so why does it matter if you tell me the truth?"
"It'll change-"
"Nothing," she replies. "It'll change nothing. You've already removed me from history. Whatever happens - no, happened - to me doesn't. Not any more. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."
"I lost you, all right?" he snaps. "You were here; then you were gone. You, your Mum and Mickey. You were gone. Nothing more to it than that."
"How?" It's a simple question, but she doubts there's a simple answer.
"There was a war. Cybermen and Daleks. You were… well, it didn't turn out for the best. No, it did. You lived. But I still lost you."
He isn't making sense. No, wait. Did he say Daleks? "They're gone. I destroyed the Daleks, didn't I?"
His laughter carries with it a hint of madness. "Oh, that's what we thought. Turns out they had an ace in the Void. Had a way to avoid even the power of Bad Wolf. They survived. They always survive."
She shakes her head. "An' the Cybermen? Thought we left them in that other universe."
"I don't want to talk about this."
"Doctor! I need to know." God, why does she want to know what happened? Isn't it too morbid to even consider? No. He said she's alive; he just lost her. Whatever that means.
"Why? Why do you need to know?" His hands clasp onto her shoulders, holding her in place.
She releases a whistling breath through her teeth, unable to explain. She doesn't know why she needs to know. There is no explanation for it. She just does. "I don't know," she replies, shaking her head. "I just do."
"I can't tell you," he replies, giving her a brief shake. "You know that. I've already said too much."
"You're taking me back." It's not a question.
"No, I'm not."
"What?" After all that, he's not going to take her back? "Why not?"
"I've already become part of linear events. Can't go back even if I wanted to - which I don't. This version of me was already there. Can't go back and change it now," he replies.
"But you already did! You changed things."
"Well, sort of. A bit. A little bit. Okay, a lot. But that's already happened! Can't go back now. We can only go forward." He gives her a wide, cajoling grin. "And forward can be brilliant, you know."
"Then how are we supposed to fix this?" she asks.
"Fix what?"
Is he being thick on purpose? "This! History. The future, whatever. Getting me back to where I'm supposed to be."
"How do you know this isn't where you're supposed to be?" he asks, ever so logically.
"Because-" Her voice trails off. She's already used the last argument that she thought should've worked. She's already told him that if she wasn't lost, he never would've done this in the first place. And that didn't work.
"Exactly," he replies and from the tone of his voice he expects that this conversation, this argument, is finished.
It isn't. Not by a long shot. She just needs to try a different tack.
But what?
***
Why does she have to argue with him? Why can’t she just be glad that she’s here, she’s safe and they’re together? Isn’t that what she wanted, anyway? She’s going to stay with him forever. Isn’t that what she promised? Or does forever mean only until there’s somewhere better for her to be?
No, that’s not fair. She didn’t choose to leave him. She came back. It wasn’t her fault that she got pulled towards the Void and Pete had to save her. But he got her back. Can’t she see that? Doesn’t she realise exactly what he’s done for her? He changed history for her. He wouldn’t do that for anyone. She has to know that.
"No going back now," he reiterates. "Only forward from here. So where to now? Maximus Regar? The past? The future? Universe's the limit!" He tells himself that he doesn't wince when he says the last sentence. Even that is a reminder of what he lost and might very well lose again.
Instead of answering, she moves closer to him, nestling against his chest. Her cheek rests against his lapel, her hair brushing his chin. With a soft sigh, he wraps his arms around her, holding her close. So long since he’s been able to do this.
She’s wrong. Everything’s fine. There’s no problem, no paradox, no Reapers. She should believe him when he tells her that.
But then maybe that’s not his best argument. The way she’s cuddling close to him suggests a better approach.
He brushes a kiss against the top of her head. “I missed you.”
She pulls back and looks up at him, concern and sympathy written all over her face. And, yes, that look in her eyes that he remembers so well. That look he never allowed himself to put a name to, until she did it herself that day on Darlig Ulv Stranden. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“It taught me something.” He moves one hand up, sliding it into her hair. “It taught me something, Rose. Remember what I told you about why I left Sarah-Jane behind?” She nods, seeming not to want to interrupt what he’s well aware is an unusual burst of honesty from him. “Losing someone I... care for hurts. Was always easier to just leave them behind, try to move on. Not any more. It's about time I tried harder to keep them. To keep you."
No dumping without warning, as he did with Sarah and others. No running away, as he did with Jack; if he’d not done that, Jack could still be with him today. No being reluctant to let someone know they’re important to him; that’s why he lost Martha. And no jumping into danger without considering the consequences for companions who don’t have his experience or knowledge or sheer strength.
He’s expecting her to melt against him again now; after all, he’s just told her how much she means to him and what he’ll do to keep her.
But, instead, she presses a hand against his face again, her gaze troubled. “What happened to you, Doctor?”
“What do you mean?” His embrace loosens and he frowns at her.
“This isn’t just about losin’ me. I know it’s not. I mean, not that I’m not flattered that you missed me an’ wanted me back so much. But I know you, Doctor. ‘S got to be more to it.”
Why does she have to choose now to show that she knows him better than he imagined? All the times she’s shown only too clearly that there’s so much she doesn’t understand about him - believing she’s the first companion who ever meant anything to him, wanting to share a mortgage, getting jealous over a waitress for no reason at all, and actually imagining he’d travel alone after losing her - all that says she should accept everything he’s saying at face value, because she doesn’t know any better.
He pulls away and moves to put the console between them. He’s not going to discuss this. She knows how it is - she’s always known. Either she accepts the way things are, or she leaves. Simple as that.
Except it’s not that simple any more, is it? She can’t leave. He’s made sure of that.
Well, she could. He can still take her home - just home a year or so later than her last visit to her mum. That should take care of the year when he was back and forth to London and Cardiff with Martha. Okay, Jackie’s going to have had another horrible year wondering what’s happened to the two of them, but that’s a price they’ll all have to pay. Better that than the alternative.
“All right, Doctor.” There’s resignation in her voice. “Like I always said, I won’t argue with the designated driver. But I know there’s more to it. I know, an’ don’t you forget it. I won’t push. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
That’s a never, then. But he knows how to distract her. Smiling warmly, showing her she’s forgiven, he moves back towards her and cups her face, then bends to kiss her once more. He’s still got it; in seconds, she’s moaning softly and clinging to him.
And, really, why did he never do this before? Kissing Rose could very easily be addictive. Well, kissing itself can be pretty addictive. But when he’s lost her and only then realised how much she means to him, then got her back - well, it’s bound to be different.
“You never did this before, Doctor. Or did you, before you lost me?” She’s drawn back a little, her eyes now dazed with passion - oh, yes, he’s still got it in spades.
He smiles again, ignoring the little voice that tries to warn him against this particular facet of his hubris. “Told you, losing you taught me some things. This is one of them.”
“No complaints from me, then.” She grins, then leans up to kiss him again.
It’d be so easy to take this to the next step right now. She wouldn’t take much persuading at all. But - no, it wouldn’t be right. She’s still taking in these changes - the fact that he’s effectively kidnapped her from the past, that he’s suddenly moved their relationship to a completely different level. Not fair to take advantage of her now while she’s still adjusting.
Instead, he gentles the kiss and finishes with an affectionate hug. “All right?”
“Yeah. Very.” She hugs back. “I... I love -”
He interrupts her declaration; even having another chance to say it himself, he’s still not ready. Probably never will be. “I know.” His palm against her cheek softens his avoidance.
Then, releasing her, he bounds to the console. “Right, then! All of time and space at your disposal, Rose Tyler: where to?”
Well, all of time and space other than where he’s just taken her from. But she understands that.
She breathes deeply, then says, “I want to see my mum.”
Okay. He was never going to escape that indefinitely. “All right. But it has to be at least a year after you saw her last. Otherwise you’ll be straight back into your original timeline, and that will cause a paradox.”
She’s unhappy at that, it’s clear to see, but after a few moments she nods. “Yeah. If that’s the way it has to be.”
“Sorry." Well, not really. He reminds himself to treasure these moments with her again. He already knows how much he'll miss her when she's gone. Yet he suspects that if he loses her again, after this, it'll only be that much worse. "But, yes, it is.”
So, the Powell Estates. The date doesn’t matter all that much; he chooses a few days after Martha told him she wasn’t coming with him. It’ll do. There’s no chance he’s going to run into her here, anyway.
Within a few minutes, they’re there. As the materialisation sequence finishes, he beats Rose on the path to the door. Jackie’s going to be furious, after all - well, she’s got every right to be. She’ll have been convinced that Rose is dead. Maybe that both of them are dead. She’s going to do more than slap him this time, but he owes it to Rose to deflect her mum’s temper.
Taking a deep breath, he flings open the door, Rose almost by his side.
But, instead of the wrath of Jackie Tyler, he’s faced with an unmistakable, unforgettable shape straight from his worst nightmares standing right outside the TARDIS door.
“EXTERMINATE!”
***
tbc
Authors:
dark_aegis and
wendymr
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness, others
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no matter how much we beg, they're still not ours...
Summary: He's saved the universe over and over again. He's lost everything, including his own race. Doesn't the universe owe him something in return?
With thanks and hugs again to
nnwest and
aibhinn for BRing even despite major life events such as moving and losing computer access. And, if
dark_aegis and I thought we were blown away by the response to chapter 1, that's nothing compared to the wonderful feedback we got on chapter 2. And 42 people have favourited this on Teaspoon! Words aren't enough to say thank you, but do believe that we mean it. :)
Chapter 1: The Lure of Temptation l Chapter 2: A False Sense of Security
Chapter 3: Home to Roost
She knows.
While he's caused empires to fall with just six words, his world has collapsed with just two. He grips the edges of the console with both hands, suddenly convinced that it's the only tangible thing that's letting him keep hold of his sanity. He thought that he'd have more time than this.
He closes his eyes, seeking shelter in that fragile darkness from the accusation in her eyes. It's much too soon.
Steeling himself, he opens his eyes and faces her, keeping one of his hands braced against the console. “I’m still your Doctor, Rose,” he says and wonders if she knows the truth behind those words. Even when she’s gone, he’s still hers.
“I’m right, aren’t I? You’re from the future?”
He’s tempted to qualify those words with the truth - he’s from her future, past and present. He’s a Time Lord and beyond such considerations, though he knows that he’s playing with fire. Rose Tyler is a woman out of her time. He stole her from his past self.
“Yes,” he says softly, cursing himself for telling her that particular truth. Then again, how can he keep this a secret? She deserves the truth, even if she decides she has to return to his past - her present.
“What happened?” she asks and then shakes her head. “No, don’t tell me. I know. Jus’ tell me this - did you have to watch it happen?”
He winces.
She fell.
In a second, an instant, she was falling towards the Void and there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say, beyond screaming. The instant Pete Tyler appeared and wrapped his arms around Rose, he felt his hearts stop. Their gazes met across the expanse of the room and a second later she was gone.
He lost her. Oh, Rassilon, why did it have to be her?
There’s a whisper of cloth as she closes the distance between them. The compassion in her eyes almost undoes him as she rests her hand against his cheek. “I’m sorry.”
He’s torn between pushing her away and pulling her closer, drawing comfort from a presence that he's been denied for so long. He gives in and wraps his arms around her, craving this simple touch.
"How long?" she asks.
"Too long," he replies, unwilling to give voice to the exact number of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years since she was last within touching distance.
He doesn't want to admit that he fears this conversation will be the precursor to her leaving him - again - only this time because she wants to. Rassilon, how long can he keep doing this? Beating time only lasts for so long and here's the result.
What was it that caused her to find out the truth? Did he-? Oh, of course! Her room. There was bound to be something in there that might give her a clue. He went inside exactly once after she was torn from him, and beyond that one time he got the TARDIS to seal the door until she returned or until he managed to overcome his grief. Today, he thought both had come true - until now.
That grief is returning tenfold and he doesn't seem to be able to unlock his arms from around her, to let her go. She's leaving. He was wrong. He thought her knowing was the worst part of this.
This is. She's going to want to leave, to set things straight, and he doesn't want to let her go.
"Have you… I mean, there isn't anyone else here now, but have you…" She doesn't complete her question, but she doesn't have to.
"Yes."
That answer causes her to draw in a breath and stiffen within his arms. Where she was once pliant and trying to comfort him, now he feels her trying to pull away. "Oh." The word is sullen, resigned, and is that a hint of jealousy?
No. It can't be. Rose never wanted him to be alone.
She looked at him, her tears and sobs breaking his hearts. "What're you gonna do?"
"Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords." Only without her. She had promised him forever.
Forever is the one thing he would never, ever have.
"On your own?" she asked and he could see the question burning in her eyes. Would he forget her? Would she just become another companion, relegated to those who he never talks about?
He nodded, trying his best to answer her question. He'd never forget her - how could he?
Does she think he's forgotten her? Forgotten what she means to him? No, that's impossible. She has to know. She's here. "Rose, what is it?"
Her answer is to turn away, both physically and mentally, and he feels bereft from this simple departure. Jealousy. It's so very, very human. He forgot that about her, how possessive she could be of him. Or maybe he's dismissed anything that could make her less perfect in his eyes.
He closes his eyes and sighs. "I don't know what you want from me," he admits quietly.
What more can he give? He's changed history - then again, he didn't do it for her. He did it for himself. He's become a selfish old man.
When her answer comes, it brings with it all the finality of a death knell. "Take me back."
He was wrong. It doesn't take two words to destroy him. It takes three.
***
Rose sighs as she pulls away from the comfort of his embrace, needing to put some distance between them. He should've known better. He's changing history, just by having her here. She already knows she's going to die - isn't that enough? She knows that she's been replaced…
God, she can be such a selfish cow. What was she expecting? That he'd put his life on hold; remain in mourning for her forever? That's not fair. Not to him and certainly not to herself. She'd want him to move on, to find someone else to hold his hand.
He shouldn't be alone. He's rubbish at it.
Looking at the expression on his face - the expression that she put there - she shakes her head. She's got to convince him that taking her back is the right thing to do. Not because she's jealous (which she is) or because she hates him (never!) but because he has to.
She's already seen the world destroyed because of a mistake she made once upon a time. She doesn't want to see it destroyed because of him.
"You've got to take me back, Doctor. You told me that the whole world - maybe the universe - is different because an ordinary person is alive when they shouldn't be. Now I'm alive an' here when I shouldn't be. I know what'll happen. Reapers. They're jus' gonna try and seal up the wound, aren't they? They'll come after me." Rose doesn't want to admit how much that thought terrifies her.
"They won't come after you," the Doctor says.
"Why not?" she asks. "'Cause of the TARDIS? I'm not going to jus' stay in here where it's safe. This isn't how it's supposed to go."
"How do you know? Honestly, how do you know?"
She sputters, not expecting that response. "You lost me, Doctor. Said so yourself. How're you gonna lose me now? How's this, right here, right now, supposed to happen if you never lose me? If I stay here, doesn't that change everything?"
The Doctor starts to pace, rubbing the back of his neck as he moves. Desperation is written across his face, in the tension of his muscles. But there's more to it than simple desperation. All it takes is a single glimpse at his eyes and she knows.
He's terrified.
"I know what I'm doing," he replies. "It's all sorted. My past self won't go to-" He cuts himself off and she suspects that he was about to reveal where she died or will die or might've died. Or whatever it is. "-Well, it's sorted."
"How do you know?" she counters. "How do you know that things aren't going to just fall apart?"
The Doctor turns to face her, moving so close that she can almost hear his hearts beating. "Because it can't, okay? It's been sorted. There's no reason we can't just go to Maximus Regar."
"An' the Reapers?"
"Not going to show. No reason to. There's no wound in time. I've fixed it. It's all sorted, Rose. I know what I'm doing."
"Do you?" she replies, lifting her hand to touch his cheek. "Do you really?"
"Yes." There's a hint of doubt in that response that breaks her heart.
"I don't want to die," she admits quietly, letting her hand fall back to her side. "I'm not ready. Who is? But if it's my time, you've got to let me go."
"It's not your time. You don't die," he replies fiercely.
She blinks at that revelation. "But I'm not here any more, yeah? Why not?"
He shakes his head. "I can't tell you."
"Sod that! You've already changed history, Doctor! I'm here when I'm not supposed to be. You've changed it - so why does it matter if you tell me the truth?"
"It'll change-"
"Nothing," she replies. "It'll change nothing. You've already removed me from history. Whatever happens - no, happened - to me doesn't. Not any more. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."
"I lost you, all right?" he snaps. "You were here; then you were gone. You, your Mum and Mickey. You were gone. Nothing more to it than that."
"How?" It's a simple question, but she doubts there's a simple answer.
"There was a war. Cybermen and Daleks. You were… well, it didn't turn out for the best. No, it did. You lived. But I still lost you."
He isn't making sense. No, wait. Did he say Daleks? "They're gone. I destroyed the Daleks, didn't I?"
His laughter carries with it a hint of madness. "Oh, that's what we thought. Turns out they had an ace in the Void. Had a way to avoid even the power of Bad Wolf. They survived. They always survive."
She shakes her head. "An' the Cybermen? Thought we left them in that other universe."
"I don't want to talk about this."
"Doctor! I need to know." God, why does she want to know what happened? Isn't it too morbid to even consider? No. He said she's alive; he just lost her. Whatever that means.
"Why? Why do you need to know?" His hands clasp onto her shoulders, holding her in place.
She releases a whistling breath through her teeth, unable to explain. She doesn't know why she needs to know. There is no explanation for it. She just does. "I don't know," she replies, shaking her head. "I just do."
"I can't tell you," he replies, giving her a brief shake. "You know that. I've already said too much."
"You're taking me back." It's not a question.
"No, I'm not."
"What?" After all that, he's not going to take her back? "Why not?"
"I've already become part of linear events. Can't go back even if I wanted to - which I don't. This version of me was already there. Can't go back and change it now," he replies.
"But you already did! You changed things."
"Well, sort of. A bit. A little bit. Okay, a lot. But that's already happened! Can't go back now. We can only go forward." He gives her a wide, cajoling grin. "And forward can be brilliant, you know."
"Then how are we supposed to fix this?" she asks.
"Fix what?"
Is he being thick on purpose? "This! History. The future, whatever. Getting me back to where I'm supposed to be."
"How do you know this isn't where you're supposed to be?" he asks, ever so logically.
"Because-" Her voice trails off. She's already used the last argument that she thought should've worked. She's already told him that if she wasn't lost, he never would've done this in the first place. And that didn't work.
"Exactly," he replies and from the tone of his voice he expects that this conversation, this argument, is finished.
It isn't. Not by a long shot. She just needs to try a different tack.
But what?
***
Why does she have to argue with him? Why can’t she just be glad that she’s here, she’s safe and they’re together? Isn’t that what she wanted, anyway? She’s going to stay with him forever. Isn’t that what she promised? Or does forever mean only until there’s somewhere better for her to be?
No, that’s not fair. She didn’t choose to leave him. She came back. It wasn’t her fault that she got pulled towards the Void and Pete had to save her. But he got her back. Can’t she see that? Doesn’t she realise exactly what he’s done for her? He changed history for her. He wouldn’t do that for anyone. She has to know that.
"No going back now," he reiterates. "Only forward from here. So where to now? Maximus Regar? The past? The future? Universe's the limit!" He tells himself that he doesn't wince when he says the last sentence. Even that is a reminder of what he lost and might very well lose again.
Instead of answering, she moves closer to him, nestling against his chest. Her cheek rests against his lapel, her hair brushing his chin. With a soft sigh, he wraps his arms around her, holding her close. So long since he’s been able to do this.
She’s wrong. Everything’s fine. There’s no problem, no paradox, no Reapers. She should believe him when he tells her that.
But then maybe that’s not his best argument. The way she’s cuddling close to him suggests a better approach.
He brushes a kiss against the top of her head. “I missed you.”
She pulls back and looks up at him, concern and sympathy written all over her face. And, yes, that look in her eyes that he remembers so well. That look he never allowed himself to put a name to, until she did it herself that day on Darlig Ulv Stranden. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“It taught me something.” He moves one hand up, sliding it into her hair. “It taught me something, Rose. Remember what I told you about why I left Sarah-Jane behind?” She nods, seeming not to want to interrupt what he’s well aware is an unusual burst of honesty from him. “Losing someone I... care for hurts. Was always easier to just leave them behind, try to move on. Not any more. It's about time I tried harder to keep them. To keep you."
No dumping without warning, as he did with Sarah and others. No running away, as he did with Jack; if he’d not done that, Jack could still be with him today. No being reluctant to let someone know they’re important to him; that’s why he lost Martha. And no jumping into danger without considering the consequences for companions who don’t have his experience or knowledge or sheer strength.
He’s expecting her to melt against him again now; after all, he’s just told her how much she means to him and what he’ll do to keep her.
But, instead, she presses a hand against his face again, her gaze troubled. “What happened to you, Doctor?”
“What do you mean?” His embrace loosens and he frowns at her.
“This isn’t just about losin’ me. I know it’s not. I mean, not that I’m not flattered that you missed me an’ wanted me back so much. But I know you, Doctor. ‘S got to be more to it.”
Why does she have to choose now to show that she knows him better than he imagined? All the times she’s shown only too clearly that there’s so much she doesn’t understand about him - believing she’s the first companion who ever meant anything to him, wanting to share a mortgage, getting jealous over a waitress for no reason at all, and actually imagining he’d travel alone after losing her - all that says she should accept everything he’s saying at face value, because she doesn’t know any better.
He pulls away and moves to put the console between them. He’s not going to discuss this. She knows how it is - she’s always known. Either she accepts the way things are, or she leaves. Simple as that.
Except it’s not that simple any more, is it? She can’t leave. He’s made sure of that.
Well, she could. He can still take her home - just home a year or so later than her last visit to her mum. That should take care of the year when he was back and forth to London and Cardiff with Martha. Okay, Jackie’s going to have had another horrible year wondering what’s happened to the two of them, but that’s a price they’ll all have to pay. Better that than the alternative.
“All right, Doctor.” There’s resignation in her voice. “Like I always said, I won’t argue with the designated driver. But I know there’s more to it. I know, an’ don’t you forget it. I won’t push. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
That’s a never, then. But he knows how to distract her. Smiling warmly, showing her she’s forgiven, he moves back towards her and cups her face, then bends to kiss her once more. He’s still got it; in seconds, she’s moaning softly and clinging to him.
And, really, why did he never do this before? Kissing Rose could very easily be addictive. Well, kissing itself can be pretty addictive. But when he’s lost her and only then realised how much she means to him, then got her back - well, it’s bound to be different.
“You never did this before, Doctor. Or did you, before you lost me?” She’s drawn back a little, her eyes now dazed with passion - oh, yes, he’s still got it in spades.
He smiles again, ignoring the little voice that tries to warn him against this particular facet of his hubris. “Told you, losing you taught me some things. This is one of them.”
“No complaints from me, then.” She grins, then leans up to kiss him again.
It’d be so easy to take this to the next step right now. She wouldn’t take much persuading at all. But - no, it wouldn’t be right. She’s still taking in these changes - the fact that he’s effectively kidnapped her from the past, that he’s suddenly moved their relationship to a completely different level. Not fair to take advantage of her now while she’s still adjusting.
Instead, he gentles the kiss and finishes with an affectionate hug. “All right?”
“Yeah. Very.” She hugs back. “I... I love -”
He interrupts her declaration; even having another chance to say it himself, he’s still not ready. Probably never will be. “I know.” His palm against her cheek softens his avoidance.
Then, releasing her, he bounds to the console. “Right, then! All of time and space at your disposal, Rose Tyler: where to?”
Well, all of time and space other than where he’s just taken her from. But she understands that.
She breathes deeply, then says, “I want to see my mum.”
Okay. He was never going to escape that indefinitely. “All right. But it has to be at least a year after you saw her last. Otherwise you’ll be straight back into your original timeline, and that will cause a paradox.”
She’s unhappy at that, it’s clear to see, but after a few moments she nods. “Yeah. If that’s the way it has to be.”
“Sorry." Well, not really. He reminds himself to treasure these moments with her again. He already knows how much he'll miss her when she's gone. Yet he suspects that if he loses her again, after this, it'll only be that much worse. "But, yes, it is.”
So, the Powell Estates. The date doesn’t matter all that much; he chooses a few days after Martha told him she wasn’t coming with him. It’ll do. There’s no chance he’s going to run into her here, anyway.
Within a few minutes, they’re there. As the materialisation sequence finishes, he beats Rose on the path to the door. Jackie’s going to be furious, after all - well, she’s got every right to be. She’ll have been convinced that Rose is dead. Maybe that both of them are dead. She’s going to do more than slap him this time, but he owes it to Rose to deflect her mum’s temper.
Taking a deep breath, he flings open the door, Rose almost by his side.
But, instead of the wrath of Jackie Tyler, he’s faced with an unmistakable, unforgettable shape straight from his worst nightmares standing right outside the TARDIS door.
“EXTERMINATE!”
***
tbc