my mother is slowly suffocating me.
this is my cry for help.
the xmas party is my mom's idea
she's forcing me to show her that I have friends.

but that doesnt mean I don't want to see all of you.
just make sure you eat the finger sandwiches she ordered.

good grief.

i hate money. and banks. and mothers.

there's going to be a meteor shower.

to be or not to be that is the question....

ah fuck. *looks at paper*

to be or not to be that is the question
whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

*looks at paper*

or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them.

WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN!
WHY GOD WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tonight has been a night of remembering. and a lot of not sleeping.

there are things i wish i could remember and things i wish i didn't remember.
but amongst all of them there is one common motif:

i miss them.

i see my shadow cast against the wall
and i know there's more to this that I can't see
I am terrified of what might be inside
the outline of the boy I used to be.

i think i will shoot mr. pool if he does not give me an A on his stupid ass widget project.

10-14, so what?

brownies and ice cream, and roommates and bathrobes,

the most amazing evening I've ever experienced.

For the first time in a long time, I am totally speechless.
I don't know why.
Perhaps it's because I already spent two hours talking to the one person on this entire green Earth that knows me. And then watched another movie with Bill Murray in it. I empathize with him.

The only thing I can think of is that I miss me.

But I miss a lot of things.

So tonight I decided to read my livejournal. Or at least as much as I could. I wanted to decide if I think its worth keeping. And it is. This entry is from march 23rd, I wrote it at the demand of kathryn blythe to write something significant so that she could have something to read. And here it is in italics for anyone who would like to read it:

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