Monday Meta! Confession (for the Kiwis)
Hi, everyone.
I've been watching some of the older episodes of SPN, as well as some Season 3, as I finish up Trost Und Freude and get ready for EyeCon this week...and I gotta tell you, watching the end of S1 and the beginning of S2 made me realize a few things.
I have to come clean. I just have to. I've been lying to you all and I just can't anymore. It's time to unleash...my John Hate.*
Oh, yeah. It's true, when I first entered fandom, I was practically a John-Apologist. "He had reasons!" "He didn't *neglect* them, technically!" "He was faced with impossible choices!" "He did the best he could!"
But really? No. The best he could have done was to just settle the hell down somewhere and put his kids in school and figure out how to support them. Hunt, sure, but do it on the side, keep your pre-teen kids well away from all of it, and for heaven's sake, *don't* rip them out of their surroundings every chance you get. Don't raise them so outside of society that they are pretty much incapable of capturing "normal" even when they try.
And let's talk, for a moment, about the number he played on both Sam and Dean. They are both so convinced, for so long (and probably always, residually) that John didn't love them. Or at least, that he didn't love them the way they wanted to be loved.
Yeah, I know. Everyone feels misunderstood, everyone feels like they missed out on chances to connect with parents. And everyone goes through rebellions (miniature or otherwise), and chafes under parents' autocracies. But holy crap, John Winchester! It took Dean how many months to come to grips with the way you treated him? And what the HELL was that geas you laid on him in IMTOD? In one breath, saying how proud you are, and "Don't be scared," and in the very next moment, warning him that he may have to kill his own brother? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot, John!
I mean, that speech. Right? All about how Dean would be the man of the house. Parent-Child Role-Reversal or "Parentification" is associated with family dysfunction - including parent death and alcoholism. Hello! We know John drank (shut up, he DID), and we KNOW that Dean took on the parental role - not just for Sam, but for John.
I'm just saying: No kid should ever have to stitch up an open wound on his own parent. Especially not before he's 18. And how certain are we that it happened at least once? Yeah.
There's the leaving them with strangers (or near strangers) for days. There's the leaving them ALONE. There's all the transferred anger that John unleashes on Dean, especially when he's really pissed at Sam. There's the guilt-tripping (he's REALLY good at that!) and let's not forget the Big One: the Militant, Autocratic, Dictatorial General who expects his Army of Two to fall in line and follow orders without question or argument.
Sam chafes so much against his dad that he "runs away" to college and is temporarily disowned for doing so. Only when Dean drags him back into the business does John wind up making contact--and remember that he was contacting DEAN during that time, not Sam. Sam just happened to pick up Dean's phone. While at Stanford, Sam wouldn't talk about his family, and in fact, when he was forced to say anything to Jess, the easiest, first thing he thought of was to tell her that his dad had gone on a drunken bender. He would rather people think his father is an alcoholic than an asshole.
Dean had the connection of cars and guns and hunting, but Sam had the advantage that he was the babied one, the one they kept protected. And that's just not right for EITHER of the boys. Parents are supposed to nurture their children into what they want, give them guidance, but let them grow into the person they should become. There's no question that Sam and Dean are morally on the side of right, but man, they are positively sociopathic at times. "Bow hunting is an important skill?" Sure, but not *to the exclusion* of soccer, man! And yes, I know, Sam got to play. But even the idea that his kneejerk reaction was to say that it would interfere with training? HUH?
I mean, seriously. What kind of a father would raise his kids that way? Even if he was scared shitless, we also learn that the demon went back underground.
Which means that for 20 years, or so, John was scared of something that wasn't around to be scared of. He led them on a wild goose chase and uprooted them time and time again, taught them to defend their lives against something that wasn't going to resurface for a long time, and most importantly, he basically ruined them for any hope of a life outside of the hunt.
Moreover, let's talk about the lying thing, and the keeping secrets. Secrets are John's bread and butter. Would it have killed him to sit Sam down at some point and give him the Supernatural version of The Talk?
OH. And then there's that other thing. MARY. Talk about obsessed. I mean, most of us are realistic enough to expect that John didn't remain celibate forever starting at the age of 29 (I've meta'd about that, even), and yes, how laudable, he always remained "True To Mary" in his heart of hearts. Jeez. What a sap. I mean, would *she* have wanted him to not ever get his shit together enough to move on? He's so traumatized, even after 22 years, that he can barely talk about her to the boys, even when they're grown up. Yeah, I know, he loved her--and like I said, it's touching that he felt such an intense bond. But man! Talk about emotionally arrested. Stuck in that moment.
Because really, the whole thing is about vengeance. And seriously? That's just a LOT of anger to carry around for his whole life. After all that time, he wasn't even really very well prepared for the demons! You'd think he'd have had some kind of a backup plan...but that's the way a calmer, more collected "general" would really have gone after the goal, instead of getting the Colt and immediately riding the roller coaster right to his doom.
What about the fact that "everyone who knew him" had a falling out with him? Stubborn jackass. Like Sam, he gets bull-headed when he thinks he's right--and he thinks he's right like 99% of the time, especially when he's ordering Sam and Dean around. Okay, Ellen? We know why he didn't show his face around the Roadhouse, the coward. But Bobby? How in the Hell could you piss off Bobby that bad? Bobby rocks. He's a better father to the boys than John ever was.
That's right. I'm been, I've seen, and I'm saying John's Mean!
Release your John Hate, y'all!
I've been watching some of the older episodes of SPN, as well as some Season 3, as I finish up Trost Und Freude and get ready for EyeCon this week...and I gotta tell you, watching the end of S1 and the beginning of S2 made me realize a few things.
I have to come clean. I just have to. I've been lying to you all and I just can't anymore. It's time to unleash...my John Hate.*
Oh, yeah. It's true, when I first entered fandom, I was practically a John-Apologist. "He had reasons!" "He didn't *neglect* them, technically!" "He was faced with impossible choices!" "He did the best he could!"
But really? No. The best he could have done was to just settle the hell down somewhere and put his kids in school and figure out how to support them. Hunt, sure, but do it on the side, keep your pre-teen kids well away from all of it, and for heaven's sake, *don't* rip them out of their surroundings every chance you get. Don't raise them so outside of society that they are pretty much incapable of capturing "normal" even when they try.
And let's talk, for a moment, about the number he played on both Sam and Dean. They are both so convinced, for so long (and probably always, residually) that John didn't love them. Or at least, that he didn't love them the way they wanted to be loved.
Yeah, I know. Everyone feels misunderstood, everyone feels like they missed out on chances to connect with parents. And everyone goes through rebellions (miniature or otherwise), and chafes under parents' autocracies. But holy crap, John Winchester! It took Dean how many months to come to grips with the way you treated him? And what the HELL was that geas you laid on him in IMTOD? In one breath, saying how proud you are, and "Don't be scared," and in the very next moment, warning him that he may have to kill his own brother? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot, John!
I mean, that speech. Right? All about how Dean would be the man of the house. Parent-Child Role-Reversal or "Parentification" is associated with family dysfunction - including parent death and alcoholism. Hello! We know John drank (shut up, he DID), and we KNOW that Dean took on the parental role - not just for Sam, but for John.
I'm just saying: No kid should ever have to stitch up an open wound on his own parent. Especially not before he's 18. And how certain are we that it happened at least once? Yeah.
There's the leaving them with strangers (or near strangers) for days. There's the leaving them ALONE. There's all the transferred anger that John unleashes on Dean, especially when he's really pissed at Sam. There's the guilt-tripping (he's REALLY good at that!) and let's not forget the Big One: the Militant, Autocratic, Dictatorial General who expects his Army of Two to fall in line and follow orders without question or argument.
Sam chafes so much against his dad that he "runs away" to college and is temporarily disowned for doing so. Only when Dean drags him back into the business does John wind up making contact--and remember that he was contacting DEAN during that time, not Sam. Sam just happened to pick up Dean's phone. While at Stanford, Sam wouldn't talk about his family, and in fact, when he was forced to say anything to Jess, the easiest, first thing he thought of was to tell her that his dad had gone on a drunken bender. He would rather people think his father is an alcoholic than an asshole.
Dean had the connection of cars and guns and hunting, but Sam had the advantage that he was the babied one, the one they kept protected. And that's just not right for EITHER of the boys. Parents are supposed to nurture their children into what they want, give them guidance, but let them grow into the person they should become. There's no question that Sam and Dean are morally on the side of right, but man, they are positively sociopathic at times. "Bow hunting is an important skill?" Sure, but not *to the exclusion* of soccer, man! And yes, I know, Sam got to play. But even the idea that his kneejerk reaction was to say that it would interfere with training? HUH?
I mean, seriously. What kind of a father would raise his kids that way? Even if he was scared shitless, we also learn that the demon went back underground.
Which means that for 20 years, or so, John was scared of something that wasn't around to be scared of. He led them on a wild goose chase and uprooted them time and time again, taught them to defend their lives against something that wasn't going to resurface for a long time, and most importantly, he basically ruined them for any hope of a life outside of the hunt.
Moreover, let's talk about the lying thing, and the keeping secrets. Secrets are John's bread and butter. Would it have killed him to sit Sam down at some point and give him the Supernatural version of The Talk?
OH. And then there's that other thing. MARY. Talk about obsessed. I mean, most of us are realistic enough to expect that John didn't remain celibate forever starting at the age of 29 (I've meta'd about that, even), and yes, how laudable, he always remained "True To Mary" in his heart of hearts. Jeez. What a sap. I mean, would *she* have wanted him to not ever get his shit together enough to move on? He's so traumatized, even after 22 years, that he can barely talk about her to the boys, even when they're grown up. Yeah, I know, he loved her--and like I said, it's touching that he felt such an intense bond. But man! Talk about emotionally arrested. Stuck in that moment.
Because really, the whole thing is about vengeance. And seriously? That's just a LOT of anger to carry around for his whole life. After all that time, he wasn't even really very well prepared for the demons! You'd think he'd have had some kind of a backup plan...but that's the way a calmer, more collected "general" would really have gone after the goal, instead of getting the Colt and immediately riding the roller coaster right to his doom.
What about the fact that "everyone who knew him" had a falling out with him? Stubborn jackass. Like Sam, he gets bull-headed when he thinks he's right--and he thinks he's right like 99% of the time, especially when he's ordering Sam and Dean around. Okay, Ellen? We know why he didn't show his face around the Roadhouse, the coward. But Bobby? How in the Hell could you piss off Bobby that bad? Bobby rocks. He's a better father to the boys than John ever was.
That's right. I'm been, I've seen, and I'm saying John's Mean!
Release your John Hate, y'all!