Set a date for BM dress shopping in e-mail. CC your mom. Keep her in the loop. It is your sister's responsibility to show up. If she doesn't show up, give her a link to buy the dress online. If she doesn't buy her dress, she doesn't get to be in the bridal party. Put it all on her.
Also, have a very open conversation with your mom/sister. Let your sister know that you want to share this special time in your life, but that you are getting the impression that she doesn't want to be part of it. If she blows up at you, then she's just injured herself. Let your mom know the same thing - that you want the big, happy family picture, but that if your sister doesn't want to be in the picture, there's nothing you can do about it. At that point, make your mom the steward of your sister, who follows up with your sister, is in charge of making things happen, etc.
I agree with raisedbywolves0 that the best move would be to set the date in a public way by email, making it clear that you look forward to seeing everyone at the appointment and CCing everyone in (including your mother). I also agree that if anyone can't make the appointment, the best move is to send them the dress link, etc. and just let the expectation be understood that everyone will get the dress and be available for the wedding and all wedding duties. If your sister decides to kick up a fuss, let her know that you've made it as easy as you can but that if she doesn't want to do what needs to be done to be in the bridal party, there's not much you can do about it
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I totally agree with the advice so far. It is not your job to make your sister be in the wedding. If it is important to your mom, then your mom can pressure her. Openly doing your part is all you can do. If your sister won't do her part, then your mom can be upset with your sister. Not your job, not your fault.
As far as, if she comes to the actual wedding -- do you have someone like, a cousin, or a more responsible childhood friend, who will be there and is close to your sister? Maybe ask this person to play the role of a "babysitter" who can keep an eye on her and escort her out and send her home in a cab if she becomes disruptive.
You might also talk to your mom about ground rules (because it is still YOUR wedding) such as, if sister is drunk before the ceremony, she cannot be in it.
Does your mom know that your sister isn't getting back to you, etc.? It's one thing to want someone to be in the wedding, but another if they're not cooperating in any way. If your mom wants her to be in the wedding so badly, and she's not talking to you, have your mother contact her. That way also your mom can see that you did try, etc.
Has your sister behaved badly at events like this before?
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As far as, if she comes to the actual wedding -- do you have someone like, a cousin, or a more responsible childhood friend, who will be there and is close to your sister? Maybe ask this person to play the role of a "babysitter" who can keep an eye on her and escort her out and send her home in a cab if she becomes disruptive.
You might also talk to your mom about ground rules (because it is still YOUR wedding) such as, if sister is drunk before the ceremony, she cannot be in it.
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Has your sister behaved badly at events like this before?
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