Before I sleep

[water_fowl182]

This was conceived as a fix-it (sorta, but not till you break-it-and-then-some-more, apparently) companion piece/sequel  to 'Memory Awake' and would, probably make a tinge of more sense if that ficlet is read first. But to the best of my estimations this story is fairly well off on its own too.

The one crucial thing to keep in mind with regard to

Comments

[borgmama1of5]

Whoa, this is intense!

And devastating!

Could you please, please work on fixing it more? Because right now my heart is broken by this...

[water_fowl182]

Thank you heartily for the kindest feedback!

I'm kinda deviously glad it worked for you on the 'heartbreaking' and 'devastating' levels, for the issues addressed were most certainly intended that way.

I do believe it's about it for now within this micro-'verselet, since the boys are back together and, apparently, would stay that way; and the mutual admittance of some major shortcomings has been voiced. I hope in between the two of them it's premise enough to mend things from there. Sometime, eventually.

Though, I'm now curious myself how things with Bobby are going to proceed. Both boys owe him a huge apology each, at the very least.

[rokhal]

Beautiful imagery, lyrical diction. I love how you describe Sam in Dean's eyes - as this huge mysterious force, out of his hands and his reach. You use atmosphere, action, and dialogue all at different purposes at the same time. Very nice.
You really need to work on your comma use, though. It's a little beyond stylistic eccentricity. Strunk & White is the best grammar book.

[water_fowl182]

Thank you immensely for the gorgeous, thoughtful review!
You got me completely humbled, as much as completely elated, here!

The way I hoped Dean's perceptions would come across, was that, having stepped over the edge and all but severed tethers to existence, Dean is coming about as if from a distance: objects, feelings, sensations, people, once familiar and tangible, are strange, elusive and rediscovered anew. Same goes for his brother, whom Dean is pretty much unaccustomed to, through the latter's tenure desouled. I'm thrilled the intent managed to work for you, on a certain level!

And a special thanks for the punctuation tip. I'll make sure to check it out. The thing might be, that I'm coming from a linguistic background with the use of punctuation a lot more abundant, than English typically is. It might factor in. I'll and improve the matters henceforth. *g*

[amberdreams]

I enjoyed the intensity of this story, though some of the language you use is a bit obtuse at times, presumably because English is not your first language. Mostly the way you write is interesting and challengingly poetic (if there is such a thing!).
And you capture Dean's despair beautifully.

[water_fowl182]

Thank you so much for the great and challenging, if might put it so, review! I appreciate your feedback beyond words.

ETA: *gives up browsing dictionaries for the aspectuated shades of meaning of 'obtuse' as a plausible incentive to give up writing for good and clings to 'challengingly poetic' for dear life* :))

[amberdreams]

Oh gawd, don't give up! I am full of admiration for people who not only speak other languages but can use them creatively - and this fandom is full of such talent.
I find often people like yourself who are writing in English can throw words together as you are translating in your head that we wouldn't normally use together in the same way and come up with something evokative and beautiful, or quirky and interesting. And that seems to happen much more often than using a word completely incorrectly....

[water_fowl182]

Oh, thank you! Now I'm utterly humbled here *blushes*

More often than not, I'd try and make myself *not* translate mentally, but think in English, instead (to the best of my ability, anyway). So chances are, at least some of the verbal juxtaposition 'oddity' is intentional. *g*
But nonetheless, there're inevitable discrepancies in linguistic world-view and semantic perception, even of 'regular' words and concepts. So I'm kinda thrilled, that still manages to work, somehow, for stylistic purposes, though leaving plenty of room for improvement, certainly.

Thank you yet again for the kindest and most insightful observations!

[lovetheguys]

This is just PERFECT! They need to forgive each other, for everything, for all of it, and go on from there. Accept each other's flaws and missteps in their insane world and be truly together again, but with a difference--they are now EQUALS, partners, brothers, yes, but no longer with the designation of "big" and "little." They're MEN now. It's all new and what's happened in the past will be a stepping stone to the future. I see them becoming individuals with a far healthier relationship, no longer co-dependent, erotically or otherwise.

Love,
Robin

[water_fowl182]

Thank you dearly for such a lovely, heartfelt comment! Made me all warm and fuzzy just reading it. For just - WORD, through and through!
Hope, the show takes the cue and provides us with some much craved, *mature*, *functional*, forgiving and accepting brotherhood goodness, henceforth.