Resonance- A fine Day to Exit
Title: Resonance- A fine Day to Exit
chapter: 1/?
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KyoxRuki? (Dir en grey x The Gazette)
Genre: angst now.pwp on next chapters.
Disclaimer: Don’t own.
Rating: nc-17.
Warnings: this is a prelude.
Summary: Every color turned grey, and the ballet of being a rock star became a faded longing dream that was there no more.
The stage was only a far off thought as Ruki’s voice went mute on his own head. His lips moving by themselves, muttering the lyrics words just in time with Kai’s drumbeats. It was there again. Lately, whenever he was on stage there was a moment when everything went down like a rain downpour and started to fade. Every color turned grey, and the ballet of being a rock star became a faded longing dream that was there no more.
He wondered about anything but his current position, the crowd went blurred and then became empty snowflakes among a sea of dark water. His mind was entirely blank, lost in time and place, and a feel of need and void took over his body.
On the outside, everything seemed the same, the gestures, the body movement and even his voice. But if one could look right, they’ll see the vocalist’s gaze becoming unfocused, his limbs wavering a bit too heavy. It was his moment, an epiphany of his soul, seeking something he could not grasp, and what made him shiver was the fact he didn’t even know what he was looking for. In a blink of an eye the last chord resonated, and the microphone was lowered down, the heavy music filled stage became embraced by only the cheering sound of the fans.
It was mesmerizing but frightful. No matter how many times it happened, he could never guess why. It was as alluring as it was fearful.
Maybe I’m just being dull, getting old.
Every time he would try to guess why that happened, and always ended up running to excuses like that. It was far easier to dismiss it like you do with simple morning flu than being through the pains of healing it. The most scary thing was the thought that maybe he was not meant to be there, on stage. After so many years, how could he doubt it? These questions frenzied his mind at night. The emptiness he could feel at these times would try to consume his entire being, making him gasp for reality, waking up drenched in his own sweat, panting hard for air, and a terrible feeling of wanting to feel alive.
Am I going mad or just plain stupid?
The crew passed him on backstage, the chit chat going louder and louder every passing minute. Kai spent at the couch, still trying to regain his strength. Uruha dead drunk, making passes at every pair of legs he could find. Why bother about the genre? Aoi was, like always, smiling quietly at his friends and making stupid retorts with Reita. It was the usual post concert scenery.
A soft touch at his arm made him come back to reality. Uruha was laughing hard now, almost like a screaming fan girl, and Reita was looking at him with a very concerned face. Ruki managed to craft a poor smile, and wave his hand in order to calm down his friend. The look in Reita’s eyes showed nothing more than worry. The truth hit Ruki with a fierce stab. Maybe he was just lonely. Things don’t always go the way you dreamed off right? The sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle were nothing but a shattered dream. Lonely nights embraced only by cold bed covers and a whisky glass at the bedside table was far more his reality. Not that it was hard to get laid, but there is a time you just don’t bother anymore with the fussiness of it. Picking girls seems more of a trouble than the reward afterwards. No matter what, you would still wake up on cold empty covers the morning after. Relationships were too much of a hell, and something broke away the old friends along the way. Ruki could barely remember one or two names of old time friends. Now the band was his life, and whatever was left of it was owned by PSCompany press division.
Dismissing his friends with not much more than a gesture and a rushed “g’bye”, Ruki found himself at his car. Keys at the ignition, and heater on, but no sound of engines could be heard.
He stared blankly at dew drops crawling down his car window, and the way it danced over the glass, making swift moves and delicately sweeping away. He was lost into that void again. He didn’t feel like doing anything, just stay there, watching. There were no deep thoughts or hurried compromises. Nothing.
After some minutes a loud sound echoed through his car, telling him someone was calling. He looked over at his phone placed down onto the passenger’s seat, and instantly snapped. He hurriedly started the engine, without even answering the phone, and took off, knowing exactly where to go. Maybe it would be his salvation, or his excruciating doom.
chapter: 1/?
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KyoxRuki? (Dir en grey x The Gazette)
Genre: angst now.pwp on next chapters.
Disclaimer: Don’t own.
Rating: nc-17.
Warnings: this is a prelude.
Summary: Every color turned grey, and the ballet of being a rock star became a faded longing dream that was there no more.
The stage was only a far off thought as Ruki’s voice went mute on his own head. His lips moving by themselves, muttering the lyrics words just in time with Kai’s drumbeats. It was there again. Lately, whenever he was on stage there was a moment when everything went down like a rain downpour and started to fade. Every color turned grey, and the ballet of being a rock star became a faded longing dream that was there no more.
He wondered about anything but his current position, the crowd went blurred and then became empty snowflakes among a sea of dark water. His mind was entirely blank, lost in time and place, and a feel of need and void took over his body.
On the outside, everything seemed the same, the gestures, the body movement and even his voice. But if one could look right, they’ll see the vocalist’s gaze becoming unfocused, his limbs wavering a bit too heavy. It was his moment, an epiphany of his soul, seeking something he could not grasp, and what made him shiver was the fact he didn’t even know what he was looking for. In a blink of an eye the last chord resonated, and the microphone was lowered down, the heavy music filled stage became embraced by only the cheering sound of the fans.
It was mesmerizing but frightful. No matter how many times it happened, he could never guess why. It was as alluring as it was fearful.
Maybe I’m just being dull, getting old.
Every time he would try to guess why that happened, and always ended up running to excuses like that. It was far easier to dismiss it like you do with simple morning flu than being through the pains of healing it. The most scary thing was the thought that maybe he was not meant to be there, on stage. After so many years, how could he doubt it? These questions frenzied his mind at night. The emptiness he could feel at these times would try to consume his entire being, making him gasp for reality, waking up drenched in his own sweat, panting hard for air, and a terrible feeling of wanting to feel alive.
Am I going mad or just plain stupid?
The crew passed him on backstage, the chit chat going louder and louder every passing minute. Kai spent at the couch, still trying to regain his strength. Uruha dead drunk, making passes at every pair of legs he could find. Why bother about the genre? Aoi was, like always, smiling quietly at his friends and making stupid retorts with Reita. It was the usual post concert scenery.
A soft touch at his arm made him come back to reality. Uruha was laughing hard now, almost like a screaming fan girl, and Reita was looking at him with a very concerned face. Ruki managed to craft a poor smile, and wave his hand in order to calm down his friend. The look in Reita’s eyes showed nothing more than worry. The truth hit Ruki with a fierce stab. Maybe he was just lonely. Things don’t always go the way you dreamed off right? The sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle were nothing but a shattered dream. Lonely nights embraced only by cold bed covers and a whisky glass at the bedside table was far more his reality. Not that it was hard to get laid, but there is a time you just don’t bother anymore with the fussiness of it. Picking girls seems more of a trouble than the reward afterwards. No matter what, you would still wake up on cold empty covers the morning after. Relationships were too much of a hell, and something broke away the old friends along the way. Ruki could barely remember one or two names of old time friends. Now the band was his life, and whatever was left of it was owned by PSCompany press division.
Dismissing his friends with not much more than a gesture and a rushed “g’bye”, Ruki found himself at his car. Keys at the ignition, and heater on, but no sound of engines could be heard.
He stared blankly at dew drops crawling down his car window, and the way it danced over the glass, making swift moves and delicately sweeping away. He was lost into that void again. He didn’t feel like doing anything, just stay there, watching. There were no deep thoughts or hurried compromises. Nothing.
After some minutes a loud sound echoed through his car, telling him someone was calling. He looked over at his phone placed down onto the passenger’s seat, and instantly snapped. He hurriedly started the engine, without even answering the phone, and took off, knowing exactly where to go. Maybe it would be his salvation, or his excruciating doom.