This Is My Dream
Title: This Is My Dream (1/3)
Author: walking_weapon and lilly915
Rating: PG
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Summary: Picks up where 7x18 left off.
I'm spent, so spent that my body should have given out a long time ago. I can't even remember the last time I slept, two maybe three days ago? I don't even know anymore. All I do know is the last time I slept was with Callie the night before the accident and I'm determined not to sleep again until it's with her. I just...I can't sleep. She could wake up while I'm asleep, or...I just can't sleep. I've never felt so lost, and the only person that can make me feel better is laying unconscious on a bed in front of me. Cold and empty, almost lifeless to anyone else, but I can feel her. I know she's still there, she has to be. I've never needed anyone before and I've always prided myself on that, on my idependence, my strength. That was all before her. Now I need her like I need water, like I need air, like I need to be able to operate. I can't imagine life without her, that's not a possibility, she will be ok, she will wake up. She has to.
It's all one surreal blur, from fighting, to asking Callie to marry me, and then the truck and my world falling apart all in an instant, then...the birth of our daughter. God I've never seen anything more beautiful than that little girl. Seeing her for the first time, rushing into that OR knowing Callie was coding and the baby wasn't breathing...I've never felt anything like that before in my life and I pray to god I never feel it again. Despite Mark's earlier comments I'm happy that he's with the baby now so she's not alone. I insisted on escorting her to the NICU but once she was settled I knew I needed to leave, as much as it hurt to do so, because it physically hurt not to be at Callie's bedside. I need to be here for her, not matter how long it takes for her to wake up I'll be right here waiting.
Taking a deep breath I press a kiss to the back of Callie's hand before I proceeding to spend the next 20 minutes telling her about out baby girl, how strong she is, how beautiful, how much she needs her Mama to wake up and be ok. I talk until my head drops to the bed in exhaustion, my eyes struggling to stay open. Maybe if I just rest my eyes a bit...Knowing how much Callie believes, I start praying again, desperate to believe in anything that might help Calliope through this horrible ordeal. I don't know how long I have been praying for, when I hear a grunt. Terrified that I might be imagining things at this point given how exhausted I am I simply freeze in place, I don't move, I don't even breath. Then I hear it again. My head snaps up, my heart starting to race when I see Callie's eyes are open. I've been dreaming and hoping and praying for this since Callie got out of surgery, but I have to make sure this is real and not some cruel joke my exhausted and injured brain is playing on me.
"Oh my god Callie." I whisper as my breath catches in my chest and I have to force the words out. I'm almost afraid to speak and ruin it because if this is a dream, honestly I don't want to wake up. I quickly realize it's not, her eyes are definitely open. They're unfocused and fighting to stay open and staring straight ahead, but they're open. She also seems to be struggling to speak but oh my god she's responsive. The question is, to what extent? The fear of the unknown begins to creep in as I realize she's just repeating something...is it yes? What does that mean? I need something more, I need to know she's there, that Callie is here.
"Callie? What are you saying?" I ask as she continues repeating the same word, my fear increasing until she turns her eyes to me. Oh god she's responsive to sound. Thank god, come on babe you can do it, and then her eyes are trying to focus on me and she's trying to say something else.
"Mma, yes. yes. Ma-marry you. Yes. Yes." She croaks out, her eyes locking with mine. I want to scream and yell and do cartwheels as my brain registers those word, but my battered body can only respond with a laugh and a fresh wave of tears, these ones born of joy. I know that we have a long difficult road ahead of us, Callie's recovery and the baby's recovery will be anything but easy, but suddenly I feel like everything is going to be ok. The love of my life is alive, responsive, and she remembers us, remembers my proposal, and better yet she said yes! All of that is a good sign that her cognitive function is ok. I grab her hand and squeeze it gently as I raise it to my lips and begin kissing her knuckles, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.
"Love...you..." Callie croaks out, looking at me with as much of a smile as she can.
"I love you too Calliope. I love you so much." I whisper, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. Tears of joy or not I need to hold it together, at least for a little longer. "I need to go get a nurse to page Derek so he can check you out ok?" I tell her, hoping she understands as I press the call light for the nurse. Her being awake and alive is amazing, but I'm still terrified it's not really her, that her brain is damaged somehow and it might not be my Calliope who's waking up.
"Baby?" Callie frowns, her forehead scrunching and her eyes filling with panic. Why is she panicked by calling me that? She calls me baby all the--oh, she means out baby.
"Our daughter is fine." I rush to assure her quickly.
"D...daughter?" She whispers, her eyes welling with a few tears.
"Mmhmm...We have a baby girl. She's...perfect." I whisper, a few tears breaking free and streaming down my cheeks despite my best efforts to stay strong.
"R...really? She's okay?" Callie questions, looking scared and hopeful at the same time.
"She's a Torres, she's a fighter. She's got a long road ahead of her, but she's holding strong." I reassure her, cupping her cheek gently.
"Robbins too." Callie says, squeezing my hand a bit and prompting me to look at her in confusion.
"What?" I ask, worried she's slipping away again.
"Baby. She's a...Robbins too." Just like that any defenses I've managed to put up against the rush of emotion wanting to break free are obliterated. I know she doesn't know what Mark said to me about me being nothing, unless somehow she heard me talking to her, but hearing those words is so comforting.
"Ya, she is." I choke out, crying freely now as I cling to Callie's hand.
"I'll page Dr. Shepard." The nurse states as soon as she enters the room and sees Callie's eyes open. "Dr. Torres it's nice to see you." She adds with a relieved smile as she exits the room.
"You hurt?" Callie asks with a concerned expression as she tries to lift her hand to my face.
"I'm fine now." I laugh as I wipe the tears from my face. "Actually since you said yes I've never felt better."
"Dr. Torres?" Derek asks as he enters the room, interrupting the argument I could see brewing in Callie's eyes as I brushed off her concern about my injuries. Although I know Callie hears him she doesn't break the eye contact with me to acknowledge Derek.
"Baby, Derek needs to a neuro exam, but I'll be right here the whole time." I tell her gently, waiting until she nods her head weakly before backing away from the bedside to give Derek room to work. I watch as she turns her attention to a visibly shocked Derek.
"Callie, how are you feeling?" He asks, leaning forward and shining a light into each of her eyes checking her pupil response as he waits for her answer. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I wait for her to speak, now getting nervous that maybe I imagined our conversation.
"Tired." She finally croaks out and I see a relaxed smile cross Derek's face. Thank god, I'm not losing it, she really did talk to me. Which means...oh god she really said she'd marry me...My attention is brought back to the matter at hand as Derek asks another question and Callie struggles to answer. I stand by, anxiously pacing in the corner of the room, as Derek takes Callie through a litany of neuro tests. I move to stop him a few times because I can tell how exhausted she's getting, but each time I do Derek calmly motions for me to relax. The last few minutes have been so miraculous I don't want it ruined by any bad news or worse for Callie to be pushed too far and lose consciousness again. Callie is my fighter though, and as exhausting and difficult the tasks are for her she is able to perform every one slowly but accurately.
"Ok Callie, one last question and I'll let you rest. What's the last thing you remember?" Derek asks, prompting me to hold my breath. It's a questions I've been too afraid to ask no matter how much I want to know the answer. We both watch as Calliee gazes off like she's trying to remember a dream that she just can't grasp, trying to focus and finally shaking her head. Then she turns to look at me and I see the confidence return to her tired eyes.
"Driving and then...Arizona...asked me...to marry...her?" She says with a hint of uncertainty.
"Oh she did? Did she?" Derek says in surprise, turning to me for confirmation. He flashes me a huge smile as I nod my head in acknowledgement before turning back to his patient. I can't help the euphoric feeling that rushes through me at hearing her say that. I mean clearly she knew I asked, but to know she actually remembers the details of that makes me feel a little giddy.
"So what was your answer?" Derek asks in a gossipy tone with a twinkle in his eye.
"Yes." She replies, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.
"That's great news. You get your rest and I'll be by to check on you tomorrow." He says, patting her shoulder before turning to leave. I quickly follow Derek and catch him right outside the door, needing to hear his assessment. She seemed to do amazingly well, but I need to hear it from him, I need to know she's really back.
"Derek?" I ask with pleading eyes, trying to read his very neutral expression.
"The brain is an amazing organ, with the extent of her injuries I was surprised she even woke up." He says softly.
"Derek?" I press, needing him to say more, to answer the thousands of questions racing through my head.
"At this point I would be surprised if she didn't make a full recovery without any deficits. She did great Arizona." He says with a smile and a pat on the shoulder.
"I knew she would wake up." I say under my breath, letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Offering Derek a tired smile I turn and head back into Callie's room, quickly making my way to her bedside. I settle into the chair next to my exhausted looking girl--fiancée’s bed and take her hand into mine, gently brushing the knuckles of my other hand across her cheek. I can tell she's wiped out, but that she has more questions and is probably struggling to stay with me because she's worried about me.
"Baby...it's ok, sleep. I'm not going anywhere." I tell her softly. Wild horses couldn't pull me away from her side now. She doesn't seem comforted by that though, in fact it looks like she's really struggling to speak again.
"Baby?" She finally chokes out. It takes me a second before I realize what she's asking, but once I do I quickly rush to calm her fears.
"Mark's with her and he's not going anywhere either. Just sleep. I need you to get stronger so we can go see her ok?" I tell her gently, my heart doing flips at the prospect of Calliope holding our daughter. She squeezes my hand lightly in response as her eyelids flutter shut and her body finally wins the battle for sleep.
As I watch her chest rise and fall I feel the adrenaline start to fade from my system and a heavy wave of exhaustion starts to set in in its place. I force myself to pull out my cell and call Mark quickly to update him on Callie's status. I can hear the tears of joy in his voice as he updates me on the baby's status as well and I breathe a sigh of relief as he informs me that our daughter's vitals have been strong and stable for the last few hours. We agree to keep each other updated and agree to swap places tomorrow. I know that I'll never really be able to forget the pain his words caused me, and it will probably always linger in the back of my mind, but I'll forgive because he’s our baby’s father. It also helps that there's no longer any question as to my priority in Callie's or the baby's life. Even if he may raise the issue again down the road, I know without a doubt where Callie stands.
Calliope…god I can’t wait to marry her and spend my life with her and our baby. Looking back up at Callie’s face I smile, even in her sleep and as banged up as she is she looks stunning. She still has a firm grasp of my hand and, comforted by the contact, I feel myself start to fade. Leaning forward in my chair I let my head rest on the bed, fighting sleep as I’m still scared to take my eyes off of her, but unfortunately my body doesn't want to cooperate. At least I’m sleeping with my Calliope, my fiancée Calliope…mmm…just the thought of that makes me smile and I think I must fall asleep with that smile on my face because that's the last thing I remember.
Author: walking_weapon and lilly915
Rating: PG
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Summary: Picks up where 7x18 left off.
I'm spent, so spent that my body should have given out a long time ago. I can't even remember the last time I slept, two maybe three days ago? I don't even know anymore. All I do know is the last time I slept was with Callie the night before the accident and I'm determined not to sleep again until it's with her. I just...I can't sleep. She could wake up while I'm asleep, or...I just can't sleep. I've never felt so lost, and the only person that can make me feel better is laying unconscious on a bed in front of me. Cold and empty, almost lifeless to anyone else, but I can feel her. I know she's still there, she has to be. I've never needed anyone before and I've always prided myself on that, on my idependence, my strength. That was all before her. Now I need her like I need water, like I need air, like I need to be able to operate. I can't imagine life without her, that's not a possibility, she will be ok, she will wake up. She has to.
It's all one surreal blur, from fighting, to asking Callie to marry me, and then the truck and my world falling apart all in an instant, then...the birth of our daughter. God I've never seen anything more beautiful than that little girl. Seeing her for the first time, rushing into that OR knowing Callie was coding and the baby wasn't breathing...I've never felt anything like that before in my life and I pray to god I never feel it again. Despite Mark's earlier comments I'm happy that he's with the baby now so she's not alone. I insisted on escorting her to the NICU but once she was settled I knew I needed to leave, as much as it hurt to do so, because it physically hurt not to be at Callie's bedside. I need to be here for her, not matter how long it takes for her to wake up I'll be right here waiting.
Taking a deep breath I press a kiss to the back of Callie's hand before I proceeding to spend the next 20 minutes telling her about out baby girl, how strong she is, how beautiful, how much she needs her Mama to wake up and be ok. I talk until my head drops to the bed in exhaustion, my eyes struggling to stay open. Maybe if I just rest my eyes a bit...Knowing how much Callie believes, I start praying again, desperate to believe in anything that might help Calliope through this horrible ordeal. I don't know how long I have been praying for, when I hear a grunt. Terrified that I might be imagining things at this point given how exhausted I am I simply freeze in place, I don't move, I don't even breath. Then I hear it again. My head snaps up, my heart starting to race when I see Callie's eyes are open. I've been dreaming and hoping and praying for this since Callie got out of surgery, but I have to make sure this is real and not some cruel joke my exhausted and injured brain is playing on me.
"Oh my god Callie." I whisper as my breath catches in my chest and I have to force the words out. I'm almost afraid to speak and ruin it because if this is a dream, honestly I don't want to wake up. I quickly realize it's not, her eyes are definitely open. They're unfocused and fighting to stay open and staring straight ahead, but they're open. She also seems to be struggling to speak but oh my god she's responsive. The question is, to what extent? The fear of the unknown begins to creep in as I realize she's just repeating something...is it yes? What does that mean? I need something more, I need to know she's there, that Callie is here.
"Callie? What are you saying?" I ask as she continues repeating the same word, my fear increasing until she turns her eyes to me. Oh god she's responsive to sound. Thank god, come on babe you can do it, and then her eyes are trying to focus on me and she's trying to say something else.
"Mma, yes. yes. Ma-marry you. Yes. Yes." She croaks out, her eyes locking with mine. I want to scream and yell and do cartwheels as my brain registers those word, but my battered body can only respond with a laugh and a fresh wave of tears, these ones born of joy. I know that we have a long difficult road ahead of us, Callie's recovery and the baby's recovery will be anything but easy, but suddenly I feel like everything is going to be ok. The love of my life is alive, responsive, and she remembers us, remembers my proposal, and better yet she said yes! All of that is a good sign that her cognitive function is ok. I grab her hand and squeeze it gently as I raise it to my lips and begin kissing her knuckles, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.
"Love...you..." Callie croaks out, looking at me with as much of a smile as she can.
"I love you too Calliope. I love you so much." I whisper, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. Tears of joy or not I need to hold it together, at least for a little longer. "I need to go get a nurse to page Derek so he can check you out ok?" I tell her, hoping she understands as I press the call light for the nurse. Her being awake and alive is amazing, but I'm still terrified it's not really her, that her brain is damaged somehow and it might not be my Calliope who's waking up.
"Baby?" Callie frowns, her forehead scrunching and her eyes filling with panic. Why is she panicked by calling me that? She calls me baby all the--oh, she means out baby.
"Our daughter is fine." I rush to assure her quickly.
"D...daughter?" She whispers, her eyes welling with a few tears.
"Mmhmm...We have a baby girl. She's...perfect." I whisper, a few tears breaking free and streaming down my cheeks despite my best efforts to stay strong.
"R...really? She's okay?" Callie questions, looking scared and hopeful at the same time.
"She's a Torres, she's a fighter. She's got a long road ahead of her, but she's holding strong." I reassure her, cupping her cheek gently.
"Robbins too." Callie says, squeezing my hand a bit and prompting me to look at her in confusion.
"What?" I ask, worried she's slipping away again.
"Baby. She's a...Robbins too." Just like that any defenses I've managed to put up against the rush of emotion wanting to break free are obliterated. I know she doesn't know what Mark said to me about me being nothing, unless somehow she heard me talking to her, but hearing those words is so comforting.
"Ya, she is." I choke out, crying freely now as I cling to Callie's hand.
"I'll page Dr. Shepard." The nurse states as soon as she enters the room and sees Callie's eyes open. "Dr. Torres it's nice to see you." She adds with a relieved smile as she exits the room.
"You hurt?" Callie asks with a concerned expression as she tries to lift her hand to my face.
"I'm fine now." I laugh as I wipe the tears from my face. "Actually since you said yes I've never felt better."
"Dr. Torres?" Derek asks as he enters the room, interrupting the argument I could see brewing in Callie's eyes as I brushed off her concern about my injuries. Although I know Callie hears him she doesn't break the eye contact with me to acknowledge Derek.
"Baby, Derek needs to a neuro exam, but I'll be right here the whole time." I tell her gently, waiting until she nods her head weakly before backing away from the bedside to give Derek room to work. I watch as she turns her attention to a visibly shocked Derek.
"Callie, how are you feeling?" He asks, leaning forward and shining a light into each of her eyes checking her pupil response as he waits for her answer. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I wait for her to speak, now getting nervous that maybe I imagined our conversation.
"Tired." She finally croaks out and I see a relaxed smile cross Derek's face. Thank god, I'm not losing it, she really did talk to me. Which means...oh god she really said she'd marry me...My attention is brought back to the matter at hand as Derek asks another question and Callie struggles to answer. I stand by, anxiously pacing in the corner of the room, as Derek takes Callie through a litany of neuro tests. I move to stop him a few times because I can tell how exhausted she's getting, but each time I do Derek calmly motions for me to relax. The last few minutes have been so miraculous I don't want it ruined by any bad news or worse for Callie to be pushed too far and lose consciousness again. Callie is my fighter though, and as exhausting and difficult the tasks are for her she is able to perform every one slowly but accurately.
"Ok Callie, one last question and I'll let you rest. What's the last thing you remember?" Derek asks, prompting me to hold my breath. It's a questions I've been too afraid to ask no matter how much I want to know the answer. We both watch as Calliee gazes off like she's trying to remember a dream that she just can't grasp, trying to focus and finally shaking her head. Then she turns to look at me and I see the confidence return to her tired eyes.
"Driving and then...Arizona...asked me...to marry...her?" She says with a hint of uncertainty.
"Oh she did? Did she?" Derek says in surprise, turning to me for confirmation. He flashes me a huge smile as I nod my head in acknowledgement before turning back to his patient. I can't help the euphoric feeling that rushes through me at hearing her say that. I mean clearly she knew I asked, but to know she actually remembers the details of that makes me feel a little giddy.
"So what was your answer?" Derek asks in a gossipy tone with a twinkle in his eye.
"Yes." She replies, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.
"That's great news. You get your rest and I'll be by to check on you tomorrow." He says, patting her shoulder before turning to leave. I quickly follow Derek and catch him right outside the door, needing to hear his assessment. She seemed to do amazingly well, but I need to hear it from him, I need to know she's really back.
"Derek?" I ask with pleading eyes, trying to read his very neutral expression.
"The brain is an amazing organ, with the extent of her injuries I was surprised she even woke up." He says softly.
"Derek?" I press, needing him to say more, to answer the thousands of questions racing through my head.
"At this point I would be surprised if she didn't make a full recovery without any deficits. She did great Arizona." He says with a smile and a pat on the shoulder.
"I knew she would wake up." I say under my breath, letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Offering Derek a tired smile I turn and head back into Callie's room, quickly making my way to her bedside. I settle into the chair next to my exhausted looking girl--fiancée’s bed and take her hand into mine, gently brushing the knuckles of my other hand across her cheek. I can tell she's wiped out, but that she has more questions and is probably struggling to stay with me because she's worried about me.
"Baby...it's ok, sleep. I'm not going anywhere." I tell her softly. Wild horses couldn't pull me away from her side now. She doesn't seem comforted by that though, in fact it looks like she's really struggling to speak again.
"Baby?" She finally chokes out. It takes me a second before I realize what she's asking, but once I do I quickly rush to calm her fears.
"Mark's with her and he's not going anywhere either. Just sleep. I need you to get stronger so we can go see her ok?" I tell her gently, my heart doing flips at the prospect of Calliope holding our daughter. She squeezes my hand lightly in response as her eyelids flutter shut and her body finally wins the battle for sleep.
As I watch her chest rise and fall I feel the adrenaline start to fade from my system and a heavy wave of exhaustion starts to set in in its place. I force myself to pull out my cell and call Mark quickly to update him on Callie's status. I can hear the tears of joy in his voice as he updates me on the baby's status as well and I breathe a sigh of relief as he informs me that our daughter's vitals have been strong and stable for the last few hours. We agree to keep each other updated and agree to swap places tomorrow. I know that I'll never really be able to forget the pain his words caused me, and it will probably always linger in the back of my mind, but I'll forgive because he’s our baby’s father. It also helps that there's no longer any question as to my priority in Callie's or the baby's life. Even if he may raise the issue again down the road, I know without a doubt where Callie stands.
Calliope…god I can’t wait to marry her and spend my life with her and our baby. Looking back up at Callie’s face I smile, even in her sleep and as banged up as she is she looks stunning. She still has a firm grasp of my hand and, comforted by the contact, I feel myself start to fade. Leaning forward in my chair I let my head rest on the bed, fighting sleep as I’m still scared to take my eyes off of her, but unfortunately my body doesn't want to cooperate. At least I’m sleeping with my Calliope, my fiancée Calliope…mmm…just the thought of that makes me smile and I think I must fall asleep with that smile on my face because that's the last thing I remember.