Comments | walkertxkitty: LJ Idol Season 6 Week 12 - In Many Dreams I've Held You Near

walkertxkitty

LJ Idol Season 6 Week 12 - In Many Dreams I've Held You Near

Jan 31, 2010 12:26

o/` "They'd never spent a night apart ( Read more... )

lj idol topic, depression, my cajun queen, disability, my beloved dee, mr. shapeshifter, relationships

Comments 38

moonstone_fae January 31 2010, 18:03:31 UTC

*hugs* ... You have a wonderful support system.

walkertxkitty February 2 2010, 20:55:06 UTC

I do, and I always appreciate his yelling at me after the fact. Dee wouldn't yell if he didn't care. Mr. Shapeshifter wouldn't cry. Dorie wouldn't mourn.

It just seems like one blow too many sometimes, you know what I mean? I have a list of alphabet diagnoses as long as someone's arm:

EDS
PCOS
diabetes
heart murmur
FMS
psoriatic arthritis
psoriasis

and now...

degenerative spine disease
spinal stenosis

Just where does it stop?

quoting_mungo January 31 2010, 18:41:53 UTC

You know I love you, and if there's anything I can do for you, all you need to do is ask. I think, as well as I can, I understand your frustration, though I also have to be selfishly relieved that you're still with us.

I'll be trying once again to get my missing wool in the next week, and once I have it in hand your package should be going out very soon.

-Alexandra

walkertxkitty February 2 2010, 20:52:32 UTC

I'll keep struggling and keep going. My beloveds watch over me pretty closely, I'm never alone. And I know you love me, one more reason to stay and see things through. I don't want to hurt you either.

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walkertxkitty January 31 2010, 23:00:22 UTC

Thank you for reading.

I'm very glad that my lovers are just as stubborn as I am. The phone call came the day after Mr. Shapeshifter and I had a knock down, drag out fight because he admitted some days he was just tired of me. I honestly expected him to take an out because I do have somewhere else I could go, but he didn't.

I intend to keep struggling and to keep doing as much as I can. I still intend to travel. The truck can be modified for hand controls. We're building the deck and the ramp. I stool will get me in and out of the truck and I think I can get the same doc to argue with the insurance for a motorized wheelchair.

I'm not done yet and as always, your offer of help and friendship is appreciated. Thank you!

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walkertxkitty February 2 2010, 17:11:53 UTC

I've told them all they're better off without me, many time,s but they don't seem to think so.

Today isn't one of my better days. The front wheels of this chair are large and swivel. If I'm propelling myself around, they tend to nick my feet (I can still use my legs, I just can't stand or walk any more). That of course hurts a bunch.

Still waiting on returns from phone calls but I'm sure something will pan out.

onda_bianca January 31 2010, 22:38:40 UTC

I'm glad you didn't make that decision and hope things are continuing to look up for you...

walkertxkitty January 31 2010, 22:57:26 UTC

I can't honestly say that I'm glad I didn't make that decision. There are still days when everything looks terribly hopeless and I just feel like a burden to everyone. However, remembering that I don't have the right to make that decision for the group and that it would really hurt a bunch of people keeps me going.

theafaye January 31 2010, 22:45:03 UTC

No one's commented on this yet? I'm surprised. It's a strong piece of writing and it's wonderful you're surrounded by so much love.

walkertxkitty January 31 2010, 22:56:02 UTC

Well, I am down toward the bottom in alphabetical order. I suspect with so many people still in, that I often get skipped. Also, I can't always comment or unscreen comments in a timely manner for obvious reasons...and that of course does impact the game.

I thank you for your compliments. This one was hard as hell to write, but I am grateful they all stepped up to the plate.