Selfish (1/1) & A Drive-By Update
Title: Selfish
Author: wakingnitemarex / hatemetoday_xx
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Jacob/Seth & Jacob/Renesmee
Summary: Jacob and Seth reflect on how their relationship must come to an end when Renesmee is fully grown. Takes place directly after the ending of the novel.
Word Count: 832
Disclaimer: Characters (C) Stephenie Meyer. This is fanfiction.
Author's Notes: This didn't come out quite the way I wanted it to, but I hope it's alright.
They lay, a tangled mess of long limbs, on the forest floor. Seth's face is nestled lightly into the crook of Jacob's neck, and he lets out a content sigh before pressing a soft kiss to the hot flesh.
He smiles when Jacob's arm tightens around his waist, pulling him closer. The two are silent for another long moment, staring up at the dark sky. So much had happened in the last 24 hours. So much had been learned.
Seth can still feel his heart constrict in his chest whenever he thinks about how he'd almost lost Jacob. If things hadn't gone the way they had, Jacob would've taken Renesmee and run. Run for their lives while he stayed and fought. Fought, and probably died.
He shivered, though he was far from cold, and pressed himself closer to Jacob. That didn't matter now. Jacob hadn't needed to run, he hadn't needed to fight. But there was still one thing weighing on him. He hated to bring it up, but it needed to be discussed, and they both knew it.
Seth slowly raises his eyes to meet Jacob's tender gaze that had barely left him since they'd gone off alone. Their eyes meet for a moment, and Jacob nods, he also knows that it needs to be talked about. Seth opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He bites his lip softly, his eyes begging Jacob to start.
"We always knew that this wouldn't last forever," Jacob whispers after another long pause.
"We could still have six and a half years."
"It's only gonna hurt more the longer you stay." He has to make Seth choose to leave, he knows he isn't strong enough to send him away. He knows he's too selfish to give the boy up on his own. He also knows that Seth is too selfless to walk away.
"It's gonna hurt no matter what." He looks at Jacob with pleading eyes, begging the older to boy to send him away. He doesn't want to get hurt, but he knows Jacob wants him to stay. He does want to stay, too, but he knows he can't stay and not get hurt. "Nessie would understand. She'd say it's okay that you needed to be touched and loved before she was able to do it." He's not sure which of his desires he's helping the most, the desire to stay, or the desire to be okay. Replaying his comments in his head, he knows that it was his desire to stay.
"I know she would. That's not the problem." He gently pushes a few strands of hair away from Seth's face. "The problem is that I'll have to leave you. I'll have to hurt you, and it would hurt less to do it now."
"But you don't want me to go." Seth doesn't ask, he knows it's the truth.
Jacob's eyes flutter closed for a moment, he knows there's no way to deny that. "No, I don't want you to go. I'm selfish, and I want you for as long as I can have you. If this were up to me, this discussion would end. You would stay." He reopens his eyes to look at Seth. It hurts to see the sadness in the younger boy's eyes.
"Even though it's gonna hurt me?", he asks, and Jacob nods. "Wow, you are selfish," he teases, but his smile falls short before reaching his eyes. He leans up, gently kissing the older boy. "You know you just made me agree to stay, right?"
"I'm sorry."
"But not sorry enough to send me away." He puts his head back on Jacob's shoulder, and sighs softly.
"No," Jacob agrees, "I'm not that sorry."
Seth just nods to himself. He'd known Jacob wouldn't push him away, and, if he's being truly honest with himself, he hadn't wanted him to. He'd take the pain a hundred times if it meant he could have more time with Jacob, even if he would regret it in six years time.
"Forgive me?" Jacob's voice is barely a whisper as his hot breath licks at Seth's ear, making the boy shiver again.
Seth's hand finds Jacob's, and their fingers become entwined. He contemplates his answer for a moment, unsure of the response. Does he forgive him? Would he have done the same thing? No. If he were in Jacob's position, he would've done anything to make the other walk away, no matter what the cost was to himself. He supposes that is the main difference between himself and Jacob, selfishness vs. selflessness. He is silent for another long moment before giving the only response he has to give.
"I love you."
Expect a lot more fic from me, now that school's about to go back in. I find it really weird that I write more during the school year than during the summer. :\
Anyways, I started the Theo fic that I owe mariesg16 [it's gonna be Theo/Earl, I have no idea how that happened], so hopefully that'll be up soon, and I have another CI fic in the works which is close to being done. After that I'll try to update Someday, and finish off Mistakes. Then maybe I'll stop neglecting the Simon/Jason, and try to figure out where I was going with that Cohnstro fic I found. I'm pretty sure that my Johnstro AU isn't gonna happen, at least, not any time soon.
Author: wakingnitemarex / hatemetoday_xx
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Jacob/Seth & Jacob/Renesmee
Summary: Jacob and Seth reflect on how their relationship must come to an end when Renesmee is fully grown. Takes place directly after the ending of the novel.
Word Count: 832
Disclaimer: Characters (C) Stephenie Meyer. This is fanfiction.
Author's Notes: This didn't come out quite the way I wanted it to, but I hope it's alright.
They lay, a tangled mess of long limbs, on the forest floor. Seth's face is nestled lightly into the crook of Jacob's neck, and he lets out a content sigh before pressing a soft kiss to the hot flesh.
He smiles when Jacob's arm tightens around his waist, pulling him closer. The two are silent for another long moment, staring up at the dark sky. So much had happened in the last 24 hours. So much had been learned.
Seth can still feel his heart constrict in his chest whenever he thinks about how he'd almost lost Jacob. If things hadn't gone the way they had, Jacob would've taken Renesmee and run. Run for their lives while he stayed and fought. Fought, and probably died.
He shivered, though he was far from cold, and pressed himself closer to Jacob. That didn't matter now. Jacob hadn't needed to run, he hadn't needed to fight. But there was still one thing weighing on him. He hated to bring it up, but it needed to be discussed, and they both knew it.
Seth slowly raises his eyes to meet Jacob's tender gaze that had barely left him since they'd gone off alone. Their eyes meet for a moment, and Jacob nods, he also knows that it needs to be talked about. Seth opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He bites his lip softly, his eyes begging Jacob to start.
"We always knew that this wouldn't last forever," Jacob whispers after another long pause.
"We could still have six and a half years."
"It's only gonna hurt more the longer you stay." He has to make Seth choose to leave, he knows he isn't strong enough to send him away. He knows he's too selfish to give the boy up on his own. He also knows that Seth is too selfless to walk away.
"It's gonna hurt no matter what." He looks at Jacob with pleading eyes, begging the older to boy to send him away. He doesn't want to get hurt, but he knows Jacob wants him to stay. He does want to stay, too, but he knows he can't stay and not get hurt. "Nessie would understand. She'd say it's okay that you needed to be touched and loved before she was able to do it." He's not sure which of his desires he's helping the most, the desire to stay, or the desire to be okay. Replaying his comments in his head, he knows that it was his desire to stay.
"I know she would. That's not the problem." He gently pushes a few strands of hair away from Seth's face. "The problem is that I'll have to leave you. I'll have to hurt you, and it would hurt less to do it now."
"But you don't want me to go." Seth doesn't ask, he knows it's the truth.
Jacob's eyes flutter closed for a moment, he knows there's no way to deny that. "No, I don't want you to go. I'm selfish, and I want you for as long as I can have you. If this were up to me, this discussion would end. You would stay." He reopens his eyes to look at Seth. It hurts to see the sadness in the younger boy's eyes.
"Even though it's gonna hurt me?", he asks, and Jacob nods. "Wow, you are selfish," he teases, but his smile falls short before reaching his eyes. He leans up, gently kissing the older boy. "You know you just made me agree to stay, right?"
"I'm sorry."
"But not sorry enough to send me away." He puts his head back on Jacob's shoulder, and sighs softly.
"No," Jacob agrees, "I'm not that sorry."
Seth just nods to himself. He'd known Jacob wouldn't push him away, and, if he's being truly honest with himself, he hadn't wanted him to. He'd take the pain a hundred times if it meant he could have more time with Jacob, even if he would regret it in six years time.
"Forgive me?" Jacob's voice is barely a whisper as his hot breath licks at Seth's ear, making the boy shiver again.
Seth's hand finds Jacob's, and their fingers become entwined. He contemplates his answer for a moment, unsure of the response. Does he forgive him? Would he have done the same thing? No. If he were in Jacob's position, he would've done anything to make the other walk away, no matter what the cost was to himself. He supposes that is the main difference between himself and Jacob, selfishness vs. selflessness. He is silent for another long moment before giving the only response he has to give.
"I love you."
Expect a lot more fic from me, now that school's about to go back in. I find it really weird that I write more during the school year than during the summer. :\
Anyways, I started the Theo fic that I owe mariesg16 [it's gonna be Theo/Earl, I have no idea how that happened], so hopefully that'll be up soon, and I have another CI fic in the works which is close to being done. After that I'll try to update Someday, and finish off Mistakes. Then maybe I'll stop neglecting the Simon/Jason, and try to figure out where I was going with that Cohnstro fic I found. I'm pretty sure that my Johnstro AU isn't gonna happen, at least, not any time soon.