Vultures and paintings

[vvalkyri]

This post has nothing to do with mom, though it will probably post at least something more, perhaps tonight.

Although if anybody has suggestions of how to coach my dad not to say something stupid when I allow him to talk to mom tomorrow that would be a thing.

Mostly, I was very tickled by this NPR article about experiments in whether vultures have

Comments

[starfyrone]

I don't know how to coach me in these circumstances.

I read an article a couple of years ago about turkey vultures. It said they could smell food from 3+ miles away.

[achinhibitor]

I don't know either. Then again, she's not responsible for her dad saying something stupid. And I'd figure that her mom knows how to cope with that, but I could easily be wrong about that.

The business about vultures is hilarious. Down deep in the article, it mentions that some species of vultures hunt by smell and some by sight. I've heard that some hunt by seeing the glint of the sun off the wings of flies on the corpse.

[aelf]

Could you tell your dad your mom's emotional status is complicated because of what *she's* dealing with, and your goal is to not add to her stress. So if he could keep the conversation to "remember whens" or whatever your mom likes to talk about, that should be safe?

Maybe you give your dad a safe word he could use to get off the phone if it became too much for him? Or a word/phrase you could use if he began veering into uncomfortable territory? How open is your family about this stuff?

I'm sorry that you're even having to deal with stuff like "how do I let my dad talk to my mom without making things worse."

[vvalkyri]

Sometimes I borrow trouble. See my response to blueeowyn.

[vvalkyri]

Safe word is a good idea.

[blueeowyn]

Would your dad grok the circles thing (people in the middle send bad things out, people on the outside do whatever will help or at least not hurt the people in the moddle)?

I think having a conversation with him about what is really going on and what is reasonable may be the way to go. Him trying to talk her into vent would be a Bad Choice. Him saying that he loves her and is praying for her is a Good Choice.

Fingers crossed that he uses a clue.

[vvalkyri]

I just told him to think ahead of time. He said that the ill person controls the convo in these times, demonstrating that yeah, he knows. But she hasn't since been up for talking.

Re: Fwiw

[vvalkyri]

Palliative consult Monday. Pissed with them as I first emailed on wed.
Hugs re your situation.
Should post again here, FB. Not today; off to have plans.

Shoot me an email (first.last and/or this handle on gmail) and I will forward you current...