I Want
Title: I Want
Author: vulgar_vogue also known as helldarkangel
Length: one shot
Fandom: Dir en grey
Pairing: Die x Kaoru
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer/Claimer: I do not own Dir en grey and this is purely fiction. That means that this is not real and it never happened. I am also not making money off of this.
Summary: Die loves Kaoru. One day he decides to confess his feelings.
Notes: This was done for 78_tarot using the theme "fool". This is also my little one shot for the big DxK Take Over ^__^ dxk_takeover
~Die’s POV~
I can name one thing that makes me happy and sad at the same time and it’s you. I want you. I want to be able to go home with you, sleep in your bed and just live life with you until I die. But I know it would never happen. For one, you might not even like men. But even if we overcome the fact that we are both men I still can’t have you. The band comes first. You have to protect Dir en grey. What would our fans think if they found out that two of its members were romantically involved? What would our manager and staff think? They would probably fire us.
I was a fool to even think that I could have you. I’m selfish. I want you all to myself but it isn’t that simple. Nothing is ever that simple. Even if I could have you the price to pay would be a heavy one and we are only human. Humans make mistakes and get stressed out. A part of me would rather leave it as friendship then risk it all but the other part of me has to tell you and risk everything.
There’s a tiny bubble of hope in my heart that you would be mine and return my feelings. It’s that tiny bit of hope that is making me do this, making me tell you how I feel.
Even thought I know that nothing can come of this I have to tell you. I’ve kept these feelings inside for so long that I feel as if I’m going to explode if I don’t tell you. You might not want to hear this but I have to say it. I love you Kaoru.
~Regular POV~
Die walked up to Kaoru. He was nervous but he had to do this. If he didn’t tell the other man how he felt right now then he would regret it. He couldn’t live like this any more. He couldn’t keep his feelings inside. Looking up at the bandleader Die gathered all of his courage and spoke.
"Do you love me?"
Kaoru was not surprised by the question. He had noticed Die looking at him weirdly for a while now. It was just a matter of time before Die confronted him. Keeping seemingly perfectly collected and cool Kaoru answered the question.
"No."
Die didn’t expect for his feelings to be returned but no matter how much he replayed the possible rejection to himself in his head it still didn’t compare to the real thing. Die could not prepare for the pain and loneliness he felt after hearing that one simple word from Kaoru’s mouth. But Die was not finished. He had to get it completely off his chest.
"I love you."
Kaoru looked down. He couldn’t look into Die’s eyes and see all the pain, regret and sorrow in them. He didn’t want to hurt his friend like this. But there was nothing he could do.
"I know."
Die gave a faint smile and cursed himself for being so foolish and naïve. Without another word he gathered his belongings and walked out the door. Kaoru finally brought himself to look at Die’s retreating form. He watched the rejected man leave for good through his own teary eyes.
~Kaoru’s POV~
I Lied. I’m sorry Die but I lied to you. I do love you but I can’t let you do this. I can’t let you get hurt because of me. We can’t start something for the band’s sake. I have to protect us both, Die.
I never wanted to hurt you but I couldn’t stop this from happening. You can’t help whom you fall in love with. If this was another time and another place then maybe it could have worked. Die I know you can’t hear me but I’m sorry and please don’t do anything stupid because even though we can’t be together I still need you here in my life. I need to see your red hair and carefree grin everyday.
Now I can’t stop crying. I’m pathetic. I’m alone sitting on the floor and crying my eyes out because I pushed you away. You are so much stronger and braver then I am, Die. You knew that you would be turned down and yet you approach me anyway.
I’m such a fool. A pathetic and undeserving, fool. How could I hurt the only person I’ve ever loved?
-----Notes-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-School started again -_- and school work comes before fan fiction. I was doing homework early this morning so I had to wait until late at night (now) to post this.
-When I wrote this thing I was all over the place so I hope it isn’t choppy ^_^
-Also this is my first completed DxK fic. It’s nothing much. Just a little bit of angst (which is perfect for me right now).
Author: vulgar_vogue also known as helldarkangel
Length: one shot
Fandom: Dir en grey
Pairing: Die x Kaoru
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer/Claimer: I do not own Dir en grey and this is purely fiction. That means that this is not real and it never happened. I am also not making money off of this.
Summary: Die loves Kaoru. One day he decides to confess his feelings.
Notes: This was done for 78_tarot using the theme "fool". This is also my little one shot for the big DxK Take Over ^__^ dxk_takeover
~Die’s POV~
I can name one thing that makes me happy and sad at the same time and it’s you. I want you. I want to be able to go home with you, sleep in your bed and just live life with you until I die. But I know it would never happen. For one, you might not even like men. But even if we overcome the fact that we are both men I still can’t have you. The band comes first. You have to protect Dir en grey. What would our fans think if they found out that two of its members were romantically involved? What would our manager and staff think? They would probably fire us.
I was a fool to even think that I could have you. I’m selfish. I want you all to myself but it isn’t that simple. Nothing is ever that simple. Even if I could have you the price to pay would be a heavy one and we are only human. Humans make mistakes and get stressed out. A part of me would rather leave it as friendship then risk it all but the other part of me has to tell you and risk everything.
There’s a tiny bubble of hope in my heart that you would be mine and return my feelings. It’s that tiny bit of hope that is making me do this, making me tell you how I feel.
Even thought I know that nothing can come of this I have to tell you. I’ve kept these feelings inside for so long that I feel as if I’m going to explode if I don’t tell you. You might not want to hear this but I have to say it. I love you Kaoru.
~Regular POV~
Die walked up to Kaoru. He was nervous but he had to do this. If he didn’t tell the other man how he felt right now then he would regret it. He couldn’t live like this any more. He couldn’t keep his feelings inside. Looking up at the bandleader Die gathered all of his courage and spoke.
"Do you love me?"
Kaoru was not surprised by the question. He had noticed Die looking at him weirdly for a while now. It was just a matter of time before Die confronted him. Keeping seemingly perfectly collected and cool Kaoru answered the question.
"No."
Die didn’t expect for his feelings to be returned but no matter how much he replayed the possible rejection to himself in his head it still didn’t compare to the real thing. Die could not prepare for the pain and loneliness he felt after hearing that one simple word from Kaoru’s mouth. But Die was not finished. He had to get it completely off his chest.
"I love you."
Kaoru looked down. He couldn’t look into Die’s eyes and see all the pain, regret and sorrow in them. He didn’t want to hurt his friend like this. But there was nothing he could do.
"I know."
Die gave a faint smile and cursed himself for being so foolish and naïve. Without another word he gathered his belongings and walked out the door. Kaoru finally brought himself to look at Die’s retreating form. He watched the rejected man leave for good through his own teary eyes.
~Kaoru’s POV~
I Lied. I’m sorry Die but I lied to you. I do love you but I can’t let you do this. I can’t let you get hurt because of me. We can’t start something for the band’s sake. I have to protect us both, Die.
I never wanted to hurt you but I couldn’t stop this from happening. You can’t help whom you fall in love with. If this was another time and another place then maybe it could have worked. Die I know you can’t hear me but I’m sorry and please don’t do anything stupid because even though we can’t be together I still need you here in my life. I need to see your red hair and carefree grin everyday.
Now I can’t stop crying. I’m pathetic. I’m alone sitting on the floor and crying my eyes out because I pushed you away. You are so much stronger and braver then I am, Die. You knew that you would be turned down and yet you approach me anyway.
I’m such a fool. A pathetic and undeserving, fool. How could I hurt the only person I’ve ever loved?
-----Notes-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-School started again -_- and school work comes before fan fiction. I was doing homework early this morning so I had to wait until late at night (now) to post this.
-When I wrote this thing I was all over the place so I hope it isn’t choppy ^_^
-Also this is my first completed DxK fic. It’s nothing much. Just a little bit of angst (which is perfect for me right now).