mitchell's cousin warned us we'd come to regret this. we didn't listen.

[vtwopointoh]

goodness, there are a lot of you. mitchell didn't mention that i'd have an actual audience for my rambling. i don't know how much about our life she's told you, so if you've got any questions, feel free to ask me to put things into context. (i might ignore you, but you can feel free to ask

Comments

[chemicalfuel]

Peter'd at least know his ass from elbow! And I'm pretty sure that if vtwopointoh started annoying the shit out of him, he'd just wrap him up in duct tape and drop him in the lake.

Sparky, on the other hand, will never have any clue how close he is to exploring the bottom of the lake firsthand. Without scuba gear. vtwopointoh suggested it a while ago, but he's the bloodthirsty one. You know you've got a problem when I start thinking it's a good idea.

[vtwopointoh]

please. i'm not stupid enough to dump a body on our own property. i'd take him somewhere nobody would ever find him. do give me credit for that much, at least.

[chemicalfuel]

Beg pardon. Didn't mean to suggest that you would display anything other than your usual shining level of competence in dealing with little matters like these ...

[venetia_sassy]

thirteen days without internet

I am indeed twitching with sympathy. I have never lived in a house undergoing renovations and this post certainly reinforces the reasons I wish to avoid the experience.

[vtwopointoh]

there can be some consolations, at least. getting to knock out load-bearing walls is always fun, & say what you will about sparky the wonder contractor (and i do) he is at least usually willing to let me do my own demolition...

[rushthatspeaks]

You know, 'Sparky the Wonder Contractor And His Merrie Band Of Goons' would make an absolutely stellar name for a rock band.

That said, you have my sympathy. Do you at least have your stuff partly in storage, or is everything you own covered in some form of chemical dust?

[vtwopointoh]

we have mostly finished retrofitting the square footage that was once the abomination, & since the plans called for us to finish our own basement -- formerly the abomination's ground floor -- instead of entrusting it to sparky & his goons, i was able to put in some extra work over the summer and get most of it done, so a lot of our stuff is down there. (yes, our basement was done before our house was. yes, this is about as ridiculous as it sounds.)

mitchell, on the other hand, keeps carping about how her kitchen isn't finished yet & she is being forced to cook in the basement kitchen (the abomination's former kitchen). my symapthy for her is lessoned by the fact that the basement kitchen is about six times larger than the kitchen in the crackerbox apartment we moved out of. she is not impressed by this argument.

[folk]

Okay, I am writing to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to get them to come help. WE CAN DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

[vtwopointoh]

that would, unfortunately, necessitate allowing television cameras into the sanctum sanctorum.

although perhaps i will recruit labor from the vast & varied cross-section of people who appear to be interested in my ranting & we can all finish the project ourselves...

[1_mad_squirrel]

Either Extreme Home Makeover or Bob the Builder.

[starwatcher307]

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My deepest sympathies. I thought I was clever to have a house built offsite, then moved to my land for setup. They assured me it would be a week to ten days, so I settled into the motel for a two-weeks stay; I knew 'a week' wouldn't cut it. (That is, the final setup on the land. The building took over a year but, since I was still in my home, it didn't matter.)

I finally got to move out of the motel and into my new home SIX weeks (and change) later! I wish I'd met you then; I could have benefited from your extensive expertise with cussing. (I need lessons; my dad was military, but he never cussed around his kids.)

But at least the motel had internet. ::twitches in sympathy:: I sincerely hope you have no more outages.
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[vtwopointoh]

while scotty on 'star trek' always used to quadruple his estimates, the better to appear a miracle worker, i am firmly convinced that general contractors cut theirs by at least half to three-quarters. oddly, this assumption has proven useful in my assorted projects thus far.

as to the cussing: when in doubt, follow a simple formula. mild pejorative ('damn', 'goddamn', 'no-good', 'scum-sucking', etc) + animal + sexual act + collective noun, obscene or no. to wit: 'goddamn puppy-fucking bastard(s)', 'scum-sucking goat-fellating son-of-a-bitch', &c. for extra vim & vigor, one may double or further compound portions of the program, to deliver the two-for-one punch of, for instance, 'goddamn scum-sucking puppy-fucking goat-fellating ant-licking son-of-a-bitch jizz-burpers', and so forth.

[starwatcher307]

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::big, big grin:: I saw this just before I shut down the computer on Tuesday night, and went to bed chuckling aloud.

Thank you for the lesson. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to say such things aloud; my internal censor casts a long shadow. But at least I'll be able to think them, which is far better sputtering fruitlessly even in my own mind. I don't think I'll ever rise to 'puppy-fucking' (puppies don't deserve such a fate), but I could really swing with 'goddamn scum-sucking, shit-eating asshole'. Wheeee!
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Thanks again.

[starwatcher307]

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A friend invited us to pile on a troll that invaded her LJ. I was able to call Bush "a goddamn scum-sucking puddle of pig-snot", and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your teaching has already born fruit, and I sincerely appreciate it.
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