ATtD Ch28
Harry had been lying in the
darkness for a long time now. It had been
so long that he had finally found a relief from the pain as he began to focus
into it. It had confused him when the
more he had tried to locate the pain the more he didn’t feel it, but he let the
wonder go and just enjoyed the dulled throb that had replaced the maddening
fire he had been feeling for so long.
It had been a song that had broken the suffocating silence of his mind. A strange, lilting melody had torn through the fabric of time, leaving behind darkness and sweltering heat in its wake. He blinked as right before him green eyes detailed in gold slit open from the darkness. Not quite sure what was going on he just stared as the music swelled and a tall, lithe figure emerged around the eyes…
With a start Harry realised that the song wasn’t just heralding the new comer but was, in a sense, the peculiar being before him. And peculiar he was, although Harry wasn’t quite sure why. Obviously not human but… not very obvious. A muggle could be fooled to think he was human, albeit a weird one, but Harry was no muggle. He had seen his fair share of magical creatures and, although granted the one in front of him looked like a tall stunning male, he was sure no human blood ran in its vein. He was too tall, too graceful, honestly, too beautiful. Everything had an unearthly quality from the strange yet entrancing green eyes, to the cascade of dark hair that swept the floor, to the odd energy radiating from him. No, not human… but maybe a little familiar.
He sat transfixed as the creature, who had yet to remove his gaze from Harry, stepped forward. If Harry had any doubts they vanished with that first step. There was power in that graceful form, power that swirled the air and raw magic into a chaotic fervor as the muscles tensed preparing to move and then calmed as the limb stilled, the motion complete. Being muggle born there was a lot Harry didn’t know about the wizarding world. He had never given thought of religion once he had found out he was a wizard. Wizardry went against everything muggle religion said existed making it all a crock in his mind. With that one step Harry wished again that he had been brought up in a wizarding household. Nothing this powerful could be from this realm of existence.
Harry fleetingly thought of bowing or kneeling in respect but with the way his legs had seized up he’d be likely to fall on his face and now the creature was towering before him, the air alive with power. Harry had to crane his head back to keep the gaze that he couldn’t seem to break. So much for adverting his eyes in respect. He stared transfixed as the being moved his lips, preparing to speak.
“My, but you’re a short one.”
At a loss, Harry merely gaped. He had distinctly heard four different voices come from the one mouth, each in its own language! He recognized one as English and another as Parselmouth; the other two were in low growls and were like nothing he had ever heard except that he could easily understand them as if he had heard them all his life. Was it because they were in his mind or was it another ability he had just realized he had? He was pulled from his thoughts when the creature suddenly kneeled onto its haunches so they were almost eye level.
“Perhaps you couldn’t hear me from down here.” The being said with a smirk.
Although the mix of voices was odd, Harry found himself savoring every word. Each voice harmonized together wonderfully and seemed to follow the melody of the beautiful song he had heard when the being had first appeared. So lost in his thoughts, the creature once again made to speak but Harry blinked back into awareness, a frown tugging his lips. “I’m not that short,” he muttered. “I’m just a little below average and you are far from average. What are you, eight feet tall… er sir?” He added as an after thought and chanced a glance to see if he had angered the enthrall being who up close was even more beautiful. To Harry’s relief the odd green eyes were alight with laughter.
“No, I suppose you’re right. Humans never were creatures of height. But I’m sure you’ll be growing like a plant towards the sun in no time. Although you probably won’t reach my height.” He grew contemplative, eyeing Harry appraisingly. “Have you been expecting me, son?”
“I don’t know, sir.” Harry replied truthfully. “Now that you’re here I feel as though I’ve been waiting forever for you.” He paused to bite at his lower lip. “But… I don’t really know you, do I? I mean, I don’t think I know you. I most certainly would have remembered someone like you… but I feel like maybe I do remember you a bit.” His halting speech ended in a whisper. “Are you a god?” He blurted out; eyes wide in surprise at his own daring.
The beautiful face was frozen in shock for a moment before an odd roaring laugh burst forth as the being doubled over. Silky hair, black as night, brushed Harry’s cheek and neck all the way down to his feet when the creature fell forward laughing into his shoulder and enveloping him in comforting warmth.
Stunned, Harry contemplated whether being laughed at by such a powerful force was a good thing or not. Once the laughter had stilled enough and joyous gold-green eyes met his, Harry tried to rectify his mistake. “Er… so you’re not a god?”
Chuckling, the dark head fell back on Harry’s shoulder. “I think you shall always be my favorite.” He rested there for a long moment, an odd taste of sadness to his words before straightening suddenly. “Ah, but my whole speech has been ruined!” He said with mock seriousness. “There is a certain ritual to this and I must say I’m greatly disappointed. You are the first not to be cowering in my presence. Did you know your mother damn near tried to take my head off when I first appeared? And her father was no better, bowing and kissing my feet. Humans are such strange creatures.” His eyes twinkled at the memory.
Harry’s mind whirled. His mother and grandfather had met this creature… and his mother had tried to kill him? But Harry felt no evil or ill will from him. In fact, Harry was oddly comfortable. He felt secure and protected in this being’s presence. Was it false? How could it when it radiated from his very soul? Confusion must have been evident on his face for the gold-green eyes fell on him, a kindness burning in their depths.
“Not that they had anything to fear, mind you. But you must admit I have an intimidating presence, no?”
Harry’s lips twitched. “Most definitely.” The being reminded him of a pleasant mix of Dumbledore and Sirius.
“Then again, you are far less human then most of your ancestors, if at all. You act more natural than your kin.” He stood to his full height. “First, a proper introduction.” He flicked his arm, the long sleeves wafting as the air grew still. “I am the Soul of Chaos, Child of the Ancient Mother, the Empress that is the universe. My name is the song of Creation and Destruction which no mortal tongue can sing, nor instrument play, but can be heard by all that love.” He took a more casual stance, the formalities over. “You’ll be able to sing my name one day child, but until then you may call me Furiae. It’s a nickname I’ve grown quite fond of.”
“So you are a god.” Harry whispered softly as he tried to absorb all that he had just heard. Something in the long introduction had caught him but he wasn’t sure what.
Furiae smiled and sank back on his haunches with the grace of a panther. “I suppose I am such. I’ve had many call me by such a title throughout the universes though I do not ask for it. But… it is not to fall from your lips. You are young, true, but you are to be my equal.” He murmured, brushing the fringe from Harry’s bowed face.
Harry furrowed his brow, something sparking once again. “Bloody Hell! You’re the Soul of Chaos.” He yelped accusingly. “I-I thought that was some big prank or something! I was hoping anyways. Does that make you my dad of sorts? How does that even work!”
“Took you about five minutes. I’d say a new record.” Furiae said cheerfully, ignoring Harry’s impatient glare. “I’m your father, in a way… but so is James Potter, of sorts.”
“That’s not-!”
Furiae continued blissfully. “The task was left for your mortal parents to tell but their early death was foreseen. If you had been brought up by wizards instead of those abusive humans this would have been easier to explain… but naught can be done of it now.” He frowned, staring at Harry intently as if he could see his very soul. “You’ve cried for them. They did not die because of what you are, child. They sacrificed themselves for who you are. They loved you dearly for the short time they had you. I believe it was one of those love at first sight things. All parents have it, and amazingly, it never fades with time or something as trivial as death.”
The words struck something in Harry and it took him a moment to bite back the tears. He wanted to take that last inch away and curl to that comforting smile of Furiae’s but he held himself still. He had coped for so long alone and a part of him feared if he gave in he would finally break and never be strong again. Parents were supposed to be above all that though… or so he could only assume. He looked back at Furiae, the silence growing into something solid. Furiae just smiled compassionately and Harry knew that if he reached out he wouldn’t be turned away.
Sighing, Furiae turned to the business at hand. “You’ve gotten the dark book, correct? The Allegiance of Fae is most trustworthy. I’m sure you will find their Chief Warrior a suitable guard until your Soul Vigil has been established.”
“Er… about that.” Harry interrupted. “I think Yehl is perfectly fine for the job. Why do I need some big time guardian anyways if I’m supposed to be so powerful?”
“The Soul Vigil does far more than just guard.”
“I’m not getting married.” Harry said firmly, leaving no room for argument.
Furiae fought a smile. “Ah, I though that may be what this was about. You will notice the book merely recommends a union with the Soul Vigil; it is not forced nor required. It is only to help establish your power quickly so your life is not shorter than planned.”
Harry wasn’t impressed. “And this Soul of the Luminous Night running about? What’s that all about?”
“Young love, I think you mortals call it.” The god grinned behind his hand.
“Bloody- I’ve never even met this person!” Harry sputtered. “I’m not even out of school! And let’s face it; the bugger doesn’t seem quite stable. Legions have been set on the Heir on the whims of this love.” He growled.
“Sounds like love to me- Perhaps some perspective will help you.” Furiae said with his eyes alight with laughter. “Yes, you’ve been born to this mortal realm but you are not of this realm, meaning the laws do not apply to you. Marriage is not required of you; it is merely an option. Does that set your mind at ease?”
Harry mussed it over before nodding. “Fine, I can live with that.”
“Now, beings such as myself are bound by certain laws, as is all of my kind. You must understand that death is not something to dread or hate. It is not an ending for anyone, as you must have noticed in the dark book. It is merely a step in the cycle. You and I, and our kin, walk outside this cycle and as such are required to protect it. But some things can not be handled from the outside…”
“So I get born as a human with parents.” Harry said dully. “This is horribly annoying.”
Furiae nodded understandingly. “You were never too keen on realizing it. I imagine it’s quite confusing.”
“And my parents… my other parents… why couldn’t they be saved? I mean, shouldn’t I have some safe place if I’m so important and stuff. Couldn’t you have saved them?”
Eyes locked with Harry’s pained ones, Furiae shock his head. “Rules, child. I am outside the cycle. If the beast had succeeded you would have perished as well only to be reborn again until he is defeated. Your parents would not allow their child to fall to anything. They saved you out of love.”
“Oh,” was Harry’s soft reply. “I suppose I should get used to it… I mean we all die eventually. Why should it matter if it comes earlier than most…” He looked away with an unreadable expression.
“True, this life is short for most and but a step in the larger workings of things…” Furiae gently lifted Harry’s face so their eyes met. “But that does not belay its importance. How could one feel so much for an existence that means nothing? Why else would mortals fight so righteously to continue their existence and preserve their freedom otherwise? This is a beginning for many and all beginnings have great value. It was important enough for you to choose to live and fight among these mortals to protect them. You even gave up your memory for the ability to empathize with this world.”
“I did?” Harry asked thoughtfully. “Isn’t that kind of… dangerous?”
“Yes, but you’ve chosen to for your previous five visits here as well. I believe the total disregard of compassion your siblings have for this world had bothered you greatly and you feared you would become the same. That was why the dark book was created for you. When your time has finished you will remember until you are needed here and then you will choose again.”
It was hard. It was hard to look at everything in his life and see it as small and insignificant. It was even harder to realize there was something beyond it all. When it had just been a story in the dark book he hadn’t had to think of all the details of what it could mean. He was someone else that a lot of people recognized but he knew nothing about. It made him wonder if it wouldn’t be easier just to not know.
“Why tell me this?” Harry bit his lip.
“Well, because frankly, it is confusing. Look at you; I think you’re going to faint if you weren’t sitting.” Furiae said kindly. “Given the fact that you would be skeptical, I always find it’s important to remind you that you are outside these mortal’s laws. There are things you will have to do that they will not agree with. You must know that death is but a step and not hesitate to do your tasks. This life is a step in your transformation as well, one that you have always looked forward to. Unfortunately, its start has been a lonely, difficult one and it will continue to be difficult… but nothing worth having is attained easily. Such as peace and freedom and love-”
“No,” Harry interrupted, hands tight at his sides. “Why tell me? Why not let me go on living instead of dumping all this on me? Why not let me live my life, fight Voldemort, and die in peace without the realization that I’m the only person who could have saved them all? I-I just want to have a normal life. I just want to have a family and go to school and live my life. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t I ever have any happiness?”
Furiae sighed, placing a calming hand on Harry’s shaking shoulder. “Because if you don’t know you can win against evil, than you will not. And once we are together again you will hate that you have failed them and go back. But no matter how quickly you kill the beast, it won’t change the suffering he has caused. Each death, each tear that falls as a result of your inability to act, forever haunts you, my son. I have watched you from the moment of your creation. You ability to feel is your greatest strength and, in the same sense, your greatest weakness. Can you blame me for trying to ease even a bit of that suffering by coming here and warning you of what you have to face? Would you rather I abandon you to the will of this beast, Voldemort? It is not just some cruel twist of fate that he seeks to destroy you, child. He has realized what you will become and his nature will not allow it. He will have you dead or worse, twisted into a monster like himself… What is it?” He asked, as Harry seemed to curl in upon himself.
“No.” Harry whispered. “Don’t leave me… not to all this. Not alone again.”
Furiae wrapped his arms tight around Harry and pressed his lips to the top of his head. “Don’t do that, Harry. Don’t let the hurt in. You can’t let it control you when so much is at stake.”
Harry shook his head before burying it into Furiae’s silky robes. “I can’t block it out. Pain is easy but this… what if… I-I’m afraid that- that I may become like him… that already…” He trailed off as if speaking would make it true. Memories of Bellatrix screaming under the Unspeakable he had cast on her, the anger and hatred that had filled him then… He shuddered. “The more I hear of this power I may have… the more I fear what- what I can become.” He looked up pleadingly. “I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to lose what I am.”
“Hush now.” Furiae soothed, rubbing his face against Harry’s soft locks while tracing his fingers against his bare arms comfortingly. “This is not a new fear for you. It has lived with you since you first fell upon the evil millennia ago. It is a healthy fear; rejoice that it continues to live within you, for you will never fall as long as you have it. Your siblings do not hold this fear and they will never become more without it. It is why you sent them here so they could learn. Be strong in the understanding that what can be corrupted can always be cleansed; it is not one-way… I am not one to lose my only Heir to such evil.”
“I… thank you.” Harry whispered, clutching the form before him. “I wish- I wish I knew you like I should. Maybe… maybe you should give it back. I want to know, I want to remember.” He turned pleading eyes to the golden green gaze. “I don’t think I can do this. Not alone.”
“It’s in there somewhere,” Furiae said with a light tap to Harry’s head accompanied with a sad smile. “I cannot grant you your memory, child. You are either born with it, which you chose against, or it is linked with your Soul Form as it is now. You will not fully remember but when needed the right knowledge will come to you. To unlock your true mind now would destroy you.” He slid sure fingers into Harry’s thick mess of hair, combing the strands contently. His song grew, not in volume but in intensity until it was thick and sweet in the air.
“Ideally, when one is a child, there is so much love directed at them that they are cocooned and protected from the negativity of the world until they are ready to break out on their own. You did not get this privilege, so you had to create your own shell out of thoughts of your parents and your own force of will. You are strong, but it was too much I think.” He tilted his head, his face filled with concern. “It has broken you. Not fully, but each strike has worn away at you until you are here, close to falling apart. You mustn’t be afraid to accept help, child. Mortals are not supposed to handle this on their own. You are powerful, but power alone cannot save you. ”
“No one wants to save me.” Harry whispered. “The ones that did are dead. The ones who were supposed to abandoned me instead. …How can I trust another after all this?”
“They hurt you.”
“Yeah.”
“Because you love them.”
Harry swallowed hard and nodded.
“We can’t change what has passed, only move forward.” He leaned down, his hair enveloping Harry in a curtain of darkness so his eyes seemed to shine even more in contrast. “You are capable of enough love to drown the world in. You will find your way beyond this terrible injustice. There are those out there that are waiting for you.”
A vague memory surfaced for a moment at the words. Harry turned his head so he could look up at the gentle smile. “…You’ve been in my dreams.”
“Yes, I have visited you on many occasions throughout your growth. It is only now with your exritus that you’ll be able to remember.”
“Will you… will you keep visiting?”
“I had planned on it. After some years you will gain the ability to seek me out with your mind. That way you will find me to be less mmm… meddlesome. It is so hard to resist teasing you. The whole family agrees.”
Harry blinked. “I don’t remember them. I wish I did. I want to know them…” He trailed off with a sigh.
“You will know them again.” Furiae assured. “It’s the other three that you should be wishing to remember. They dwell here on Earth with you. Your siblings will be ensuring that your time here is far from happy. Hold tight to the ones that mean anything to you, for they will cut them down without a second thought.”
The dark book had said they tended to send assassins after him just for fun… “They mustn’t like me very much.” Harry sighed and mentally added three more to his people who want to kill him list. It was a rather long list considering he had just turned sixteen. But he was the Soul of Ancient Night now and if luck held out the list would be growing.
“On the contrary, you are one of the few they love and respect. Our ways are not the same as mortals.” Furiae said in response to Harry’s expression.
Harry mussed his short hair up with a frown only to have Furiae comb it back down again. “You whole lot are crazy, aren’t you.”
Furiae beamed happily and offered a soft, “Welcome to the family.”
Harry groaned. “So they won’t be helping me fight Voldemort?”
“Hardly, that would ruin the sport. They may clean it up if you happen to lose, considering the youth of your form, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
Predictively, Harry stiffened. “Are you saying I’m as good as dead? ‘Cause that’s what it sounded like you just said.”
“Of course not… if you were full grown and integrated. It’s just a tad more difficult when you aren’t familiar with your abilities. Your true power won’t be accessible for years… Don’t worry, if you lose you can always be reborn.” Furiae patted him on his back.
Harry grunted and lost himself to thoughts of what family was supposed to be like and how his always just fell short, even the ones he didn’t know he had. “I don’t have kids do I? I think I’d rather pity them.”
“No, you hardly have enough pity for your nieces and nephews.” Furiae sat back and trailed his hands over the back of Harry’s neck. “Alea Xan misses you greatly by the by but I’m afraid she’ll have to wait a while to see her favorite uncle. Right now is time for you to finish this bothersome transformation so I can make sure everything turns out where it belongs. It has been more difficult for you than I expected.”
“Oh… so that explains the inexpressible pain knifing through my limbs.” Harry sighed. “Will I get to see you again? I… I’m so tired of this…” He waved his arms as if to encompass his entire life in one gesture.
“I will see what I can do… it’s easier when you could come to me. I have a full time job and the mortal realm is quite the journey for me.” He smiled crookedly. “You’re not alone, child. Your parents are cheering you on as we speak, as are the ones who bore you in the past. You cannot even imagine the amount of people who are sending their love and best wishes for you at every moment. They are never truly gone. And Light and I are always thinking of you. I have done what I can to will the best sorts of people your way but I know it is difficult when you are not fully understood. It will not always be this way.”
Harry nodded sadly, half his mind caught on what his body was doing. “I think my back just broke…”
“It’s merely your wings. They are looking well formed. I will try to explain how you can use your body to the best of your abilities but a lot of it is experience and instinct.”
“Wings? Why do I have wings?” Harry frowned, trying to look behind him but since he was actually unconscious on the floor he couldn’t see anything. “Do you have wings?”
“Of sorts.” Furiae said off handedly. “This is not my natural form but one that humans perceive as the less threateningly. Light has wings, thousands; be glad they don’t translate as such to your mortal form. You’d be unable to flex a finger without knocking something over. The horns are from my side and the friendly tail. …I think your eyes… yes, those could cause you some trouble now. I’ll have to teach you a charm to hide the gold.”
“Light?” Harry asked. “Like Light, light? My mother Light?”
“The Soul of Light… more like your father. I’d be considered your mother, really, if you want to go the whole human way of thinking. Light doesn’t have the power to bring another into creation but is very good at assisting. Extremely good I must say. Light’s beauty has added quite a striking uniqueness to all his children; it’s less pronounced in your younger brothers but thrives in you and the Soul of Luminous night.”
Harry just stared. He hadn’t heard a word past Furiae being his mother. “How… how can you-aren’t you a guy…?”
“Don’t concern yourself with it.” Furiae tried but Harry’s insistent look made him pause and consider an answer. At least it was distracting the boy from his sad thoughts. “Mortals…” He sighed. “I would have thrown you in with the Fae if it had been possible. At least they understand transient genders. Humans don’t even have enough pronouns. Just, think of all beings as the same but some have different abilities, such as bearing children. In this world they call the child bearers women, or female, but what occurs for humans is not the same everywhere, including the wizarding world. Does that help at all?”
Harry shook his head no. “I think I need a time out. This is just too much.” He peered cautiously up at the concerned face. “Am I unable to… is that why I don’t have kids? I can’t?”
“Of course not. You’ve just been seeking a little more stability before you start a family.”
“But… hasn’t it been millions of years? How long does it take?”
Furiae’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “I’ve been wondering that myself. You’ll have to talk with the Soul of Luminous Night.”
“Don’t even start…” Harry scowled.
“Ah, you say that now, but trust me when I say you wouldn’t even consider having a family with anyone else. It’s a love thing.” He smiled as Harry’s scowl only deepened. “You’re young yet.” He said as if it explained the mysteries of the world. “…Look at that, you gained another twelve inches already.”
Harry just grumbled. It looked like his want of a family of his own had just been ruined as well.
ATtD Chapter Index Links
It had been a song that had broken the suffocating silence of his mind. A strange, lilting melody had torn through the fabric of time, leaving behind darkness and sweltering heat in its wake. He blinked as right before him green eyes detailed in gold slit open from the darkness. Not quite sure what was going on he just stared as the music swelled and a tall, lithe figure emerged around the eyes…
With a start Harry realised that the song wasn’t just heralding the new comer but was, in a sense, the peculiar being before him. And peculiar he was, although Harry wasn’t quite sure why. Obviously not human but… not very obvious. A muggle could be fooled to think he was human, albeit a weird one, but Harry was no muggle. He had seen his fair share of magical creatures and, although granted the one in front of him looked like a tall stunning male, he was sure no human blood ran in its vein. He was too tall, too graceful, honestly, too beautiful. Everything had an unearthly quality from the strange yet entrancing green eyes, to the cascade of dark hair that swept the floor, to the odd energy radiating from him. No, not human… but maybe a little familiar.
He sat transfixed as the creature, who had yet to remove his gaze from Harry, stepped forward. If Harry had any doubts they vanished with that first step. There was power in that graceful form, power that swirled the air and raw magic into a chaotic fervor as the muscles tensed preparing to move and then calmed as the limb stilled, the motion complete. Being muggle born there was a lot Harry didn’t know about the wizarding world. He had never given thought of religion once he had found out he was a wizard. Wizardry went against everything muggle religion said existed making it all a crock in his mind. With that one step Harry wished again that he had been brought up in a wizarding household. Nothing this powerful could be from this realm of existence.
Harry fleetingly thought of bowing or kneeling in respect but with the way his legs had seized up he’d be likely to fall on his face and now the creature was towering before him, the air alive with power. Harry had to crane his head back to keep the gaze that he couldn’t seem to break. So much for adverting his eyes in respect. He stared transfixed as the being moved his lips, preparing to speak.
“My, but you’re a short one.”
At a loss, Harry merely gaped. He had distinctly heard four different voices come from the one mouth, each in its own language! He recognized one as English and another as Parselmouth; the other two were in low growls and were like nothing he had ever heard except that he could easily understand them as if he had heard them all his life. Was it because they were in his mind or was it another ability he had just realized he had? He was pulled from his thoughts when the creature suddenly kneeled onto its haunches so they were almost eye level.
“Perhaps you couldn’t hear me from down here.” The being said with a smirk.
Although the mix of voices was odd, Harry found himself savoring every word. Each voice harmonized together wonderfully and seemed to follow the melody of the beautiful song he had heard when the being had first appeared. So lost in his thoughts, the creature once again made to speak but Harry blinked back into awareness, a frown tugging his lips. “I’m not that short,” he muttered. “I’m just a little below average and you are far from average. What are you, eight feet tall… er sir?” He added as an after thought and chanced a glance to see if he had angered the enthrall being who up close was even more beautiful. To Harry’s relief the odd green eyes were alight with laughter.
“No, I suppose you’re right. Humans never were creatures of height. But I’m sure you’ll be growing like a plant towards the sun in no time. Although you probably won’t reach my height.” He grew contemplative, eyeing Harry appraisingly. “Have you been expecting me, son?”
“I don’t know, sir.” Harry replied truthfully. “Now that you’re here I feel as though I’ve been waiting forever for you.” He paused to bite at his lower lip. “But… I don’t really know you, do I? I mean, I don’t think I know you. I most certainly would have remembered someone like you… but I feel like maybe I do remember you a bit.” His halting speech ended in a whisper. “Are you a god?” He blurted out; eyes wide in surprise at his own daring.
The beautiful face was frozen in shock for a moment before an odd roaring laugh burst forth as the being doubled over. Silky hair, black as night, brushed Harry’s cheek and neck all the way down to his feet when the creature fell forward laughing into his shoulder and enveloping him in comforting warmth.
Stunned, Harry contemplated whether being laughed at by such a powerful force was a good thing or not. Once the laughter had stilled enough and joyous gold-green eyes met his, Harry tried to rectify his mistake. “Er… so you’re not a god?”
Chuckling, the dark head fell back on Harry’s shoulder. “I think you shall always be my favorite.” He rested there for a long moment, an odd taste of sadness to his words before straightening suddenly. “Ah, but my whole speech has been ruined!” He said with mock seriousness. “There is a certain ritual to this and I must say I’m greatly disappointed. You are the first not to be cowering in my presence. Did you know your mother damn near tried to take my head off when I first appeared? And her father was no better, bowing and kissing my feet. Humans are such strange creatures.” His eyes twinkled at the memory.
Harry’s mind whirled. His mother and grandfather had met this creature… and his mother had tried to kill him? But Harry felt no evil or ill will from him. In fact, Harry was oddly comfortable. He felt secure and protected in this being’s presence. Was it false? How could it when it radiated from his very soul? Confusion must have been evident on his face for the gold-green eyes fell on him, a kindness burning in their depths.
“Not that they had anything to fear, mind you. But you must admit I have an intimidating presence, no?”
Harry’s lips twitched. “Most definitely.” The being reminded him of a pleasant mix of Dumbledore and Sirius.
“Then again, you are far less human then most of your ancestors, if at all. You act more natural than your kin.” He stood to his full height. “First, a proper introduction.” He flicked his arm, the long sleeves wafting as the air grew still. “I am the Soul of Chaos, Child of the Ancient Mother, the Empress that is the universe. My name is the song of Creation and Destruction which no mortal tongue can sing, nor instrument play, but can be heard by all that love.” He took a more casual stance, the formalities over. “You’ll be able to sing my name one day child, but until then you may call me Furiae. It’s a nickname I’ve grown quite fond of.”
“So you are a god.” Harry whispered softly as he tried to absorb all that he had just heard. Something in the long introduction had caught him but he wasn’t sure what.
Furiae smiled and sank back on his haunches with the grace of a panther. “I suppose I am such. I’ve had many call me by such a title throughout the universes though I do not ask for it. But… it is not to fall from your lips. You are young, true, but you are to be my equal.” He murmured, brushing the fringe from Harry’s bowed face.
Harry furrowed his brow, something sparking once again. “Bloody Hell! You’re the Soul of Chaos.” He yelped accusingly. “I-I thought that was some big prank or something! I was hoping anyways. Does that make you my dad of sorts? How does that even work!”
“Took you about five minutes. I’d say a new record.” Furiae said cheerfully, ignoring Harry’s impatient glare. “I’m your father, in a way… but so is James Potter, of sorts.”
“That’s not-!”
Furiae continued blissfully. “The task was left for your mortal parents to tell but their early death was foreseen. If you had been brought up by wizards instead of those abusive humans this would have been easier to explain… but naught can be done of it now.” He frowned, staring at Harry intently as if he could see his very soul. “You’ve cried for them. They did not die because of what you are, child. They sacrificed themselves for who you are. They loved you dearly for the short time they had you. I believe it was one of those love at first sight things. All parents have it, and amazingly, it never fades with time or something as trivial as death.”
The words struck something in Harry and it took him a moment to bite back the tears. He wanted to take that last inch away and curl to that comforting smile of Furiae’s but he held himself still. He had coped for so long alone and a part of him feared if he gave in he would finally break and never be strong again. Parents were supposed to be above all that though… or so he could only assume. He looked back at Furiae, the silence growing into something solid. Furiae just smiled compassionately and Harry knew that if he reached out he wouldn’t be turned away.
Sighing, Furiae turned to the business at hand. “You’ve gotten the dark book, correct? The Allegiance of Fae is most trustworthy. I’m sure you will find their Chief Warrior a suitable guard until your Soul Vigil has been established.”
“Er… about that.” Harry interrupted. “I think Yehl is perfectly fine for the job. Why do I need some big time guardian anyways if I’m supposed to be so powerful?”
“The Soul Vigil does far more than just guard.”
“I’m not getting married.” Harry said firmly, leaving no room for argument.
Furiae fought a smile. “Ah, I though that may be what this was about. You will notice the book merely recommends a union with the Soul Vigil; it is not forced nor required. It is only to help establish your power quickly so your life is not shorter than planned.”
Harry wasn’t impressed. “And this Soul of the Luminous Night running about? What’s that all about?”
“Young love, I think you mortals call it.” The god grinned behind his hand.
“Bloody- I’ve never even met this person!” Harry sputtered. “I’m not even out of school! And let’s face it; the bugger doesn’t seem quite stable. Legions have been set on the Heir on the whims of this love.” He growled.
“Sounds like love to me- Perhaps some perspective will help you.” Furiae said with his eyes alight with laughter. “Yes, you’ve been born to this mortal realm but you are not of this realm, meaning the laws do not apply to you. Marriage is not required of you; it is merely an option. Does that set your mind at ease?”
Harry mussed it over before nodding. “Fine, I can live with that.”
“Now, beings such as myself are bound by certain laws, as is all of my kind. You must understand that death is not something to dread or hate. It is not an ending for anyone, as you must have noticed in the dark book. It is merely a step in the cycle. You and I, and our kin, walk outside this cycle and as such are required to protect it. But some things can not be handled from the outside…”
“So I get born as a human with parents.” Harry said dully. “This is horribly annoying.”
Furiae nodded understandingly. “You were never too keen on realizing it. I imagine it’s quite confusing.”
“And my parents… my other parents… why couldn’t they be saved? I mean, shouldn’t I have some safe place if I’m so important and stuff. Couldn’t you have saved them?”
Eyes locked with Harry’s pained ones, Furiae shock his head. “Rules, child. I am outside the cycle. If the beast had succeeded you would have perished as well only to be reborn again until he is defeated. Your parents would not allow their child to fall to anything. They saved you out of love.”
“Oh,” was Harry’s soft reply. “I suppose I should get used to it… I mean we all die eventually. Why should it matter if it comes earlier than most…” He looked away with an unreadable expression.
“True, this life is short for most and but a step in the larger workings of things…” Furiae gently lifted Harry’s face so their eyes met. “But that does not belay its importance. How could one feel so much for an existence that means nothing? Why else would mortals fight so righteously to continue their existence and preserve their freedom otherwise? This is a beginning for many and all beginnings have great value. It was important enough for you to choose to live and fight among these mortals to protect them. You even gave up your memory for the ability to empathize with this world.”
“I did?” Harry asked thoughtfully. “Isn’t that kind of… dangerous?”
“Yes, but you’ve chosen to for your previous five visits here as well. I believe the total disregard of compassion your siblings have for this world had bothered you greatly and you feared you would become the same. That was why the dark book was created for you. When your time has finished you will remember until you are needed here and then you will choose again.”
It was hard. It was hard to look at everything in his life and see it as small and insignificant. It was even harder to realize there was something beyond it all. When it had just been a story in the dark book he hadn’t had to think of all the details of what it could mean. He was someone else that a lot of people recognized but he knew nothing about. It made him wonder if it wouldn’t be easier just to not know.
“Why tell me this?” Harry bit his lip.
“Well, because frankly, it is confusing. Look at you; I think you’re going to faint if you weren’t sitting.” Furiae said kindly. “Given the fact that you would be skeptical, I always find it’s important to remind you that you are outside these mortal’s laws. There are things you will have to do that they will not agree with. You must know that death is but a step and not hesitate to do your tasks. This life is a step in your transformation as well, one that you have always looked forward to. Unfortunately, its start has been a lonely, difficult one and it will continue to be difficult… but nothing worth having is attained easily. Such as peace and freedom and love-”
“No,” Harry interrupted, hands tight at his sides. “Why tell me? Why not let me go on living instead of dumping all this on me? Why not let me live my life, fight Voldemort, and die in peace without the realization that I’m the only person who could have saved them all? I-I just want to have a normal life. I just want to have a family and go to school and live my life. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t I ever have any happiness?”
Furiae sighed, placing a calming hand on Harry’s shaking shoulder. “Because if you don’t know you can win against evil, than you will not. And once we are together again you will hate that you have failed them and go back. But no matter how quickly you kill the beast, it won’t change the suffering he has caused. Each death, each tear that falls as a result of your inability to act, forever haunts you, my son. I have watched you from the moment of your creation. You ability to feel is your greatest strength and, in the same sense, your greatest weakness. Can you blame me for trying to ease even a bit of that suffering by coming here and warning you of what you have to face? Would you rather I abandon you to the will of this beast, Voldemort? It is not just some cruel twist of fate that he seeks to destroy you, child. He has realized what you will become and his nature will not allow it. He will have you dead or worse, twisted into a monster like himself… What is it?” He asked, as Harry seemed to curl in upon himself.
“No.” Harry whispered. “Don’t leave me… not to all this. Not alone again.”
Furiae wrapped his arms tight around Harry and pressed his lips to the top of his head. “Don’t do that, Harry. Don’t let the hurt in. You can’t let it control you when so much is at stake.”
Harry shook his head before burying it into Furiae’s silky robes. “I can’t block it out. Pain is easy but this… what if… I-I’m afraid that- that I may become like him… that already…” He trailed off as if speaking would make it true. Memories of Bellatrix screaming under the Unspeakable he had cast on her, the anger and hatred that had filled him then… He shuddered. “The more I hear of this power I may have… the more I fear what- what I can become.” He looked up pleadingly. “I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to lose what I am.”
“Hush now.” Furiae soothed, rubbing his face against Harry’s soft locks while tracing his fingers against his bare arms comfortingly. “This is not a new fear for you. It has lived with you since you first fell upon the evil millennia ago. It is a healthy fear; rejoice that it continues to live within you, for you will never fall as long as you have it. Your siblings do not hold this fear and they will never become more without it. It is why you sent them here so they could learn. Be strong in the understanding that what can be corrupted can always be cleansed; it is not one-way… I am not one to lose my only Heir to such evil.”
“I… thank you.” Harry whispered, clutching the form before him. “I wish- I wish I knew you like I should. Maybe… maybe you should give it back. I want to know, I want to remember.” He turned pleading eyes to the golden green gaze. “I don’t think I can do this. Not alone.”
“It’s in there somewhere,” Furiae said with a light tap to Harry’s head accompanied with a sad smile. “I cannot grant you your memory, child. You are either born with it, which you chose against, or it is linked with your Soul Form as it is now. You will not fully remember but when needed the right knowledge will come to you. To unlock your true mind now would destroy you.” He slid sure fingers into Harry’s thick mess of hair, combing the strands contently. His song grew, not in volume but in intensity until it was thick and sweet in the air.
“Ideally, when one is a child, there is so much love directed at them that they are cocooned and protected from the negativity of the world until they are ready to break out on their own. You did not get this privilege, so you had to create your own shell out of thoughts of your parents and your own force of will. You are strong, but it was too much I think.” He tilted his head, his face filled with concern. “It has broken you. Not fully, but each strike has worn away at you until you are here, close to falling apart. You mustn’t be afraid to accept help, child. Mortals are not supposed to handle this on their own. You are powerful, but power alone cannot save you. ”
“No one wants to save me.” Harry whispered. “The ones that did are dead. The ones who were supposed to abandoned me instead. …How can I trust another after all this?”
“They hurt you.”
“Yeah.”
“Because you love them.”
Harry swallowed hard and nodded.
“We can’t change what has passed, only move forward.” He leaned down, his hair enveloping Harry in a curtain of darkness so his eyes seemed to shine even more in contrast. “You are capable of enough love to drown the world in. You will find your way beyond this terrible injustice. There are those out there that are waiting for you.”
A vague memory surfaced for a moment at the words. Harry turned his head so he could look up at the gentle smile. “…You’ve been in my dreams.”
“Yes, I have visited you on many occasions throughout your growth. It is only now with your exritus that you’ll be able to remember.”
“Will you… will you keep visiting?”
“I had planned on it. After some years you will gain the ability to seek me out with your mind. That way you will find me to be less mmm… meddlesome. It is so hard to resist teasing you. The whole family agrees.”
Harry blinked. “I don’t remember them. I wish I did. I want to know them…” He trailed off with a sigh.
“You will know them again.” Furiae assured. “It’s the other three that you should be wishing to remember. They dwell here on Earth with you. Your siblings will be ensuring that your time here is far from happy. Hold tight to the ones that mean anything to you, for they will cut them down without a second thought.”
The dark book had said they tended to send assassins after him just for fun… “They mustn’t like me very much.” Harry sighed and mentally added three more to his people who want to kill him list. It was a rather long list considering he had just turned sixteen. But he was the Soul of Ancient Night now and if luck held out the list would be growing.
“On the contrary, you are one of the few they love and respect. Our ways are not the same as mortals.” Furiae said in response to Harry’s expression.
Harry mussed his short hair up with a frown only to have Furiae comb it back down again. “You whole lot are crazy, aren’t you.”
Furiae beamed happily and offered a soft, “Welcome to the family.”
Harry groaned. “So they won’t be helping me fight Voldemort?”
“Hardly, that would ruin the sport. They may clean it up if you happen to lose, considering the youth of your form, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
Predictively, Harry stiffened. “Are you saying I’m as good as dead? ‘Cause that’s what it sounded like you just said.”
“Of course not… if you were full grown and integrated. It’s just a tad more difficult when you aren’t familiar with your abilities. Your true power won’t be accessible for years… Don’t worry, if you lose you can always be reborn.” Furiae patted him on his back.
Harry grunted and lost himself to thoughts of what family was supposed to be like and how his always just fell short, even the ones he didn’t know he had. “I don’t have kids do I? I think I’d rather pity them.”
“No, you hardly have enough pity for your nieces and nephews.” Furiae sat back and trailed his hands over the back of Harry’s neck. “Alea Xan misses you greatly by the by but I’m afraid she’ll have to wait a while to see her favorite uncle. Right now is time for you to finish this bothersome transformation so I can make sure everything turns out where it belongs. It has been more difficult for you than I expected.”
“Oh… so that explains the inexpressible pain knifing through my limbs.” Harry sighed. “Will I get to see you again? I… I’m so tired of this…” He waved his arms as if to encompass his entire life in one gesture.
“I will see what I can do… it’s easier when you could come to me. I have a full time job and the mortal realm is quite the journey for me.” He smiled crookedly. “You’re not alone, child. Your parents are cheering you on as we speak, as are the ones who bore you in the past. You cannot even imagine the amount of people who are sending their love and best wishes for you at every moment. They are never truly gone. And Light and I are always thinking of you. I have done what I can to will the best sorts of people your way but I know it is difficult when you are not fully understood. It will not always be this way.”
Harry nodded sadly, half his mind caught on what his body was doing. “I think my back just broke…”
“It’s merely your wings. They are looking well formed. I will try to explain how you can use your body to the best of your abilities but a lot of it is experience and instinct.”
“Wings? Why do I have wings?” Harry frowned, trying to look behind him but since he was actually unconscious on the floor he couldn’t see anything. “Do you have wings?”
“Of sorts.” Furiae said off handedly. “This is not my natural form but one that humans perceive as the less threateningly. Light has wings, thousands; be glad they don’t translate as such to your mortal form. You’d be unable to flex a finger without knocking something over. The horns are from my side and the friendly tail. …I think your eyes… yes, those could cause you some trouble now. I’ll have to teach you a charm to hide the gold.”
“Light?” Harry asked. “Like Light, light? My mother Light?”
“The Soul of Light… more like your father. I’d be considered your mother, really, if you want to go the whole human way of thinking. Light doesn’t have the power to bring another into creation but is very good at assisting. Extremely good I must say. Light’s beauty has added quite a striking uniqueness to all his children; it’s less pronounced in your younger brothers but thrives in you and the Soul of Luminous night.”
Harry just stared. He hadn’t heard a word past Furiae being his mother. “How… how can you-aren’t you a guy…?”
“Don’t concern yourself with it.” Furiae tried but Harry’s insistent look made him pause and consider an answer. At least it was distracting the boy from his sad thoughts. “Mortals…” He sighed. “I would have thrown you in with the Fae if it had been possible. At least they understand transient genders. Humans don’t even have enough pronouns. Just, think of all beings as the same but some have different abilities, such as bearing children. In this world they call the child bearers women, or female, but what occurs for humans is not the same everywhere, including the wizarding world. Does that help at all?”
Harry shook his head no. “I think I need a time out. This is just too much.” He peered cautiously up at the concerned face. “Am I unable to… is that why I don’t have kids? I can’t?”
“Of course not. You’ve just been seeking a little more stability before you start a family.”
“But… hasn’t it been millions of years? How long does it take?”
Furiae’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “I’ve been wondering that myself. You’ll have to talk with the Soul of Luminous Night.”
“Don’t even start…” Harry scowled.
“Ah, you say that now, but trust me when I say you wouldn’t even consider having a family with anyone else. It’s a love thing.” He smiled as Harry’s scowl only deepened. “You’re young yet.” He said as if it explained the mysteries of the world. “…Look at that, you gained another twelve inches already.”
Harry just grumbled. It looked like his want of a family of his own had just been ruined as well.
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