The Easter Fiasco CH2
The Easter Fiasco CH2
“What the fuck are you looking at?” Remus snarled at the unfortunate fourth year foolish enough to be caught staring at him. Remus gave another vicious scratch to his ridiculously itchy head and pushed his way past in the hallway.
It was no good. Remus's itch had only persisted the last few days, and with it so did his rage. Worse, Sirius was going to be let loose from the hospital wing just in time for dinner. The more Remus thought about seeing Sirius again, the more his itch grew. He'd have to skip dinner and hit the kitchens later that night, because there was no way Remus could face his friend right now. Oh, Remus knew once face to face he could, and would, be as cruel as possible. But he was in no hurry to expose them both to such pain.
“I hear they have a special bath for that particular problem.”
Remus snapped his eyes up, slowly lowering his hand from the vindictive scratching he had been attacking his head with. Fucking Severus Snape.
“You look like hell, wolf,” Severus said blankly, his sneer kept in check as he caught the strange energy Remus was emanating. “I thought your kind didn't have problems for another week?”
Remus slowed down to stand a few feet away from the Slytherin he had nearly killed. “You don't know my problems, Snape, and believe me when I say, you don't want to.”
Severus could only nod in agreement. He had no interest in becoming involved in the werewolf's life, problems or not. “I heard you attacked the mutt. Just sending my appreciation your way.”
The mere mention of Sirius caused Remus to tense and snarl. “Don't start with me, Snape,” Remus warned lowly, taking a step closer. His glare intense, he tapped his index finger to his prefect badge.
Severus took a step back, feeling that rather settled that. “So your inner prefect has suddenly decided to make an appearance?”
“Yes. And it's in a vengeful mood.” Remus kept his gaze level until he was certain Severus knew exactly what they were talking about.
“In that case... I do believe I have places to be, Lupin.” Refraining from his normal parting dig, Severus adjusted the strap of his book bag and calmly walked past Remus.
Once Severus was out of sight, Remus gave a weak sigh, and immediately returned to scratching his head. It wasn't until he was through the doors of the Great Hall that he remembered he had planned to skip dinner that night.
Scanning the room proved his friends to be absent. Remus's stomach gave a stubborn growl at the smell of food, and he reluctantly put his books down and sat at his normal seat. His appetite had been intense lately, something Jon had warned him about. Jon had also told Remus to eat no matter how excessive it seemed, if only to help drive off other appetites that would not be so simply settled.
Remus wasn't sure if being a roly-poly werewolf was going to keep him from killing, or shagging a particular boy into the wall. But he imagined all those diplomas Jon had should stand for something besides a blur to stare at when being prodded. If Remus was quick about it, he may even miss his friends completely.
Remus was neck deep in a leg of chicken when his head gave a horrible twitch, and went mad with tingling, itching... Well, madness! Groaning, he threw his food down, hastily wiped his hands and then attacked his head. It was hell. Remus was living in hell. And sure enough, once the itching had paused long enough for Remus to peer up through his fingers, James and Sirius were peering back with twin looks of concern and anxiety clear on their faces.
Something rose up in Remus at the sight of Sirius's pale face, and Remus was on his feet, a dark growl falling from his lips before he could stop. Catching himself, Remus clapped his hands over his mouth but the damage was done.
The three stared at each other for a long moment. “Your hair is sticking up,” James finally said, sitting down and dragging a whimpering Sirius into the seat next to him before Sirius could bolt.
Remus continued to stand, unsure of what to do. Sure he had broken Sirius's leg the other day, but what had just happened was different. Remus had lost control of himself in that small moment, and all three of them knew it.
He had to get out of there.
“Wait,” James ordered. Another growl rose up in Remus at the confrontational tone. Remus didn't like the way James was glaring at him. Or the way James was casually blocking Sirius like that, either.
“We need to talk. You can't just...”
Remus shook his head fitfully, eyes locked on James. “Don't.”
“We're not letting you do this to yourself,” James said firmly. “Let us help you.”
Remus fought off his growing rage. James had no right telling him what to do. “I don't need help from anyone. Just...” Remus licked his lips and took a step forward. “Just let go of his arm, Prongs.”
James blinked, his eyes glancing quickly to where his hand was still holding Sirius back. Snapping his gaze back to Remus, James tried to judged what was going on in his friend's head. “And if I don't?”
Rip-Tear-Kill-! Remus stumbled back as violent rage rose up and overwhelmed him. He gave a fleeting glance to his stunned friends and ran from the room.
“Well... that was unexpected,” James grumbled, completely unnerved by the vicious look Remus had pinned him with before fleeing.
“I told you. I think I better find somewhere else to sleep for a while,” Sirius whispered, thudding his head onto the table.
“I think we both may have to,” James agreed, picking up his plate and gathering dinner. “It looks like he's having dominance issues. Prongs has always been Moony's rival for leadership during the moon. If that's leaking out now, we're going to have another problem. I don't mind putting Moony in his place and all, but as a human Remus will beat me, no question.”
Sirius raised his head, looking skeptical. “What are you saying? You're going to fight him?”
“Not if I can help it,” James admitted. “He's got me beat on physical and magical powers. As good as you, Peter, and I have been at keeping Moony in line, Moony's greatest control has always been Remus. If Remus loses it now we're all pretty much screwed.”
“That's not very encouraging.” Sirius sighed, his head returning to the table and his sour mood. “That look he gave me... He really wants to kill me.”
James nodded, having to agree. “I don't think you should run with us next week. This is Moony's issue, not Remus's, so the further apart you two are the better.”
Sirius ran idle fingers over the table. “So you think his furry side is causing this?”
James pursed his lips, staring down at Sirius's slumped shoulders. “I don't know. Padfoot hasn't really done anything that I can remember.” James took a hesitant chew to his chicken, wondering if he should say what was on his mind. “Siri... Moony is mad for Padfoot. We all know it.”
“So?” Sirius propped his chin up onto his hands, staring blankly at the food he wasn't eating. “That should make him not want to kill me.”
“So... maybe that's scaring our little Remus. Did you read that book I brought you?”
“Yeah, yeah...” Sirius scrunched his nose while he followed James's train of thought. It was difficult. Having Remus want to kill him took all of Sirius's motivation away. Sirius had been feeling stuck in a deep spiral of despair and self-loathing since Remus had broken his leg, and it was hard to get out.
“So Remus is afraid that Moony may like me. And that by killing me Remus won't have to deal with that?” Sirius finally spoke up, blowing a stray strand of hair out of his face.
“Something like that. Maybe this is Remus's way of pushing you away... by crippling you.” James took a sip of pumpkin juice, not sure exactly if they were making sense anymore.
Sirius sighed. “Maybe he loves me.”
Snorting, James smacked Sirius on the back. “You wish.”
Sirius gave a greater, long-suffering sigh, turning his head to stare unseeingly at James's plate. “Why doesn't he love me? Can't I be loved?”
“Oh, for Merlin's sake! Don't do that, Siri.” James groaned, burying his head in his hands. “He loves you. We all do.”
“He hates me.”
“No, he doesn't.”
“He wants to kill me,” Sirius insisted glumly.
“Yes, well... I'm afraid so. Remus is going through growing pains right now. He wants to kill me too.”
“No, he just wants to be leader and beat you up. Remus wants to kill me.”
“Well... you're the only one he wants to kill. The only one. You're special like that,” James said lamely, scratching the tip of his nose.
“...I guess I am.” Sirius perked up a bit, actually sitting up straight. “I mean, Remus doesn't ever want to hurt anyone. That's got to stand for something.”
“Sure it does, mate. Tuck into some grub before it gets cold.” James passed his friend a heaping bowl of potatoes, hoping to hide his doubt in the flurry of motion. Only Sirius would find something so dangerous so inspiring.
“You know... when he growled I went to half staff.”
“And this is why Lily complains about your conversational skills.” James sighed, rolling his eyes while Sirius snickered.
Sirius ignored him, licking at his fork thoughtfully. “I mean, I hate that he wants to kill me and all, but he is fucking hot like this. Right before he broke my leg I was certain I was going to cream my pants.”
“I really don't want to hear this,” James grumbled.
Sirius gave James a long side glance, remembering the lust spell that had gone wrong when they were in confined proximity. “You weren't complaining when we spent that night in the Shack,” he reminded with his patented sexy smirk.
“I blocked that out months ago,” James replied weakly, looking away to hide his blush.
“Sure...” Sirius said smugly, leaning against his friend. “To think we almost got Remus to follow us that night.”
“To think we almost didn't ditch Peter,” James added with a shudder. “So... you honestly liked it when Remmy broke your leg?”
Sirius nodded. “He pinned me to the wall to do it. Ran his hands down over my hips and thighs before he snapped it. His eyes were so intense... Fuck. It was better than sex.”
James shook his head slowly. “You have problems, man. All I'm saying.”
“I know,” Sirius admitted unabashedly. “I think I'd die happy if it were by his hands.”
James ruffled his mess locks nervously. “That is not going to happen. I'm already forming a plan.”
“Really?” Sirius beamed, bouncing in his seat. “What is it?”
“Lily.”
“Lily?” Sirius scowled. “That's your answer to everything.”
“Yeah, but this time I think it's the answer to the right question. Those two get along rather well when you're not around to piss her off. I'm sure she'll at least find out what's wrong with him.”
“And when he beats her up and leaves her in tears right before she breaks up with you forever...?” Sirius questioned.
“Not going to happen. No one is a match for my Lily.” James gave Sirius a resolute stare that the boy found strangely comforting.
“Why do you get the two strongest wives again?”
“Because I'm cool like that,” James reminded smugly, before shoving more food at Sirius.
*****
“Remus... Remus, wait up!” Remus turned from where he was just about to step on to the moving staircase. Lily came running up, her books clutched to her chest to keep them from spilling. “Damn boy, you've got long legs!”
The better to run from you, my dear. Remus had a feeling that Lily would not enjoy the self-deprecating line, so he kept it to himself. “Did you want something, Lils?”
“Yes... two things, actually.” Catching her breath, she straightened and leveled Remus with a piercing look. “Just what do those three idiots have planned for Easter this year? Honestly, Remus, I will not have a repeat of last year with those stupid humping hearts. You're supposed to be keeping them in check and yet, I hear that you've already incited two fights in our House. Being a prefect means that you're not allowed to discriminate when it comes to your friends. And certainly, you cannot continue causing trouble like this...”
As Lily prattled on, Remus was strongly reminded of his mother. His parents were horribly worried about him. When Remus saw it through their perspective he could understand why. He was the responsible one, ever since he was a child. The unhappy one. The one that was too strange to play with the other kids. Remus had been the wolf in child's flesh, and even then the others could sense it. So he had hid himself away with his books and fantasies, learning how monsters were defeated and hoping that when he became a monster someone would defeat him.
Instead Remus had found a riffraff of beasts posing as children and together they had formed his pack. No... Prongs's pack. James had been the one to gather them all together. If not for him, Remus would have never found them. He would still be an outsider. From the beginning it had been James to gravitate them all.
Remus had thought that it was all right. The wolf had never showed any great discontent with being second. Moony was still the alpha wolf. What did Moony care of a stag's standing, as long as no other wolf infringed on his territory? The dog may have been foolish of all the rules, but he had never fought for power... But then, what right did a stag have to get between a wolf and the punishment of his dog?
Remus would have to explain to James what it meant to be pack leader, and where Moony stood in it. Moony only followed because he chose to follow, not because he was obligated to Prongs. And if Moony chose to leave the pack, Padfoot would rightly follow. That was how it should be, and if James couldn't see that then they were going to have a real problem. Moony would not let go of Padfoot, even if at the moment the wolf was not happy with the boy Sirius...
“Remus? Are you even listening to me?” Lily gave an exasperated sigh when Remus blinked and focused on her.
“Actually, no.” Before Lily could gain enough breath to explode, Remus pulled his bag from his shoulder and unzipped it. He handed a very plump and very unconscious rat to Lily. “Could you give this to James? I'm afraid I won't be in class for the next few days. I'd be really grateful if you could leave me notes, Lils.” Remus turned on his heel and headed up the stairs. Sure to catch them the moment they stared moving so that he wouldn't be followed.
“Remus, wait! Where are you going? You can't just skip a couple of days of class!”
Remus only shrugged. It was Thursday and a week and a day away from the full moon. He could catch up in his studies later. “I need time to think. If something comes up and you need me, just ask the guys.” Remus didn't expect his friends to actually seek him out. They knew as well as him that he needed to get away. They had the Marauder's Map if they really needed to get in contact.
Hopefully by the time the moon rose, everything would be clear.
Remus gave a small wave of farewell when Lily's angry expression melted to worry. “See you around, Lils.”
“Don't... don't leave the good part behind, idiot.” Lily called faintly.
Remus nodded. He had no intention of losing his humanity, but if he did he was going to make sure it would be where no one else could get hurt.
*****
“I could smell it. It was aggression,” Peter insisted, sitting up in his hospital bed while James and Sirius continued their grilling. “He's giving off anger like it's a perfume. It was like being hit in the face with a brick of testosterone. Very unpleasant to the senses.”
“Testosterone?” James sat back, a thoughtful look pasted on his face.
“Yeah. And Remus said he was going to take off and would meet up with us on the moon. But, if he moves the stone to the front of the Willow then that means he doesn't want company. I... I think he's worried he's going to hurt us.” Peter said slowly. “And actually, I think he has good worry for it. He's not controlled anymore. When Remus caught me I was rather sure he'd squeeze me dead if I hadn't stopped moving.”
“Well, we know he's hitting a new phase in his, er, development,” Sirius pointed out. “His magic has been spiking the last month, and that usually means his exritus is on the way. I grew a bloody foot and started talking in bass after mine.” Not to mention some other little quirks that made Sirius bark in laughter. “I wasn't exactly happy about it at the time.”
James bent his head down, his brows furrowed. “Yeah... but think about that for a second. For a werewolf, testosterone represents either fighting or fucking. What if this isn't just about fighting?”
“That's an image I did not want to think about,” Peter said after a long pause.
“Speak for yourself.” Sirius tapped his feet idly on the ground. “So, he's possibly horny. How does that help us?'
“I don't know... But I think it's something to consider. If it's hormones then reasoning with Remus won't work. But it also means he's not truly as angry as he seems. If its just his exritus then he'll likely go back to normal after he settles again.”
Sirius perked at that, a spark of hope blossoming on his face. “I like the sound of that. I mean, why would he have been on those crazy pills, if not because his hormones were messed up? James, you're brilliant!” Sirius hopped up, bouncing to his friend and crushing him in a bear hug.
“Gah, let me breathe, mate.” James playfully shoved Sirius away, adding with a clever smile, “So while we're waiting for Remus to find his senses, what are we doing for Easter this year? I figured we could reserve it just for you to help get you back in Moony's good graces.”
“I've been thinking about that, actually.” Sirius's smile turned downright wicked. “It was going to be a nasty prank on the kiddies, but I think with a lot of work we could make it into something spectacularly fun for Remmy. It'll take a bit of time though for the larger part.”
“Whatever you want, Siri. We'll make it work.”
“Yeah, Siri. It's a synch since homework has backed off after the NEWTs,” Peter agreed wholeheartedly.
“Great. The first thing we'll need is a rabbit and a knife.”
James crinkled his nose. Maybe he should have heard the idea before agreeing so quickly.
*****
There was a new presence in Remus's head. Slowly it had crept into his subconscious over the last few months. Remus had been vaguely aware of it, mostly because the wolves became sullen and silent whenever the presence flared strong. And it was a strong presence. A powerful presence, albeit silent. It had the power to subdue the wild wolves.
As of yet, Remus wasn't sure if he liked the new presence. Although it quieted the wolves, Remus sensed that the presence also rivaled them in viciousness.
Today Remus had come to the conclusion that the new presence in his head was of the man he would soon become. Undeniably, it scared the hell out of him.
Remus had wandered Hogwarts for the first two days and then locked himself away in the Shrieking Shack once suitably loaded down with treats and provisions.
He thought a lot-not that he didn't think too much already-but now Remus was thinking about the things he didn't like to think about. Like about the wolves, and why they each had their own voice. Remus knew that wasn't good. Split personalities weren't really encouraged.
The voices had been getting louder that last year of school and Remus feared they would start hijacking his body outside of the moon. If he was honest, it had already happened on more than one occasion. Each slip of his composure was a reflection of a larger slip in his control over the dark creatures. As much as Remus liked to think he was ditching school it was really to just make sure he didn't lose his mind and start hurting people.
And Remus wanted to hurt people. Smells, sounds, movements-humans were so caustic to his senses. And they were so obliviously cheerful... Remus envied the students and their carefree lives. Those feelings combined, it left Remus hurting and violent to be around them.
Still, that was something he could overcome. With work and patience Remus could defeat those issues as he had done in the past. His first day of Hogwarts, Remus had hid himself away under his bed, scared senseless of the new, foreign surrounding until he had calmed down enough and sneaked out. That the other boys in the dorm hadn't made a single crack about it, although he had clearly heard them joking about most everything else, had only strengthen Remus's tentative trust of them.
Even then his friends had understood Remus's nature and had know how to handle him. But now... No, he really didn't think they could help him now. This was a problem for him alone.
Remus's mind had been mostly preoccupied with not thinking about the Sirius issue. There was no doubt that Moony wanted Sirius dead. There was also no question that it was Sirius's fault. It made for difficult reasoning when Sirius had no defense but his own stupidity. And now this.
While sitting there among the dusty remnants of violence and pain, the presence had flared to great power inside Remus. It was still silent, but with things going on in one's head, you pretty much knew what's thinking what without the use of actual words.
The new presence was thinking unity. Once voice instead of many. Compromise. Agreement. Integration.
It was terrifying.
Remus had lived with the wolves since he was first bit; he didn't know how else to be. Just because it was healthier and ultimately better to have no extra voices in one's head did not stop his fear.
The only thing that kept Remus from rejecting the idea completely was the fact that his well-mannered wolf was open to it. It wasn't a creature of complex emotions like the werewolf or the human; it understood simplicity. And simplicity in this case called for one voice that would allow the chaos to fade.
Remus pushed himself off the floor and grabbed his wand from the broken bureau. He didn't know what to expect from the next moon and didn't want his friends there to find out. He set their little 'do not disturb' symbol out on the Willow and was sure to ward the door numerous times to keep him in and everyone out.
The werewolf didn't want simplicity. It wanted to rule.
Remus's head gave another wrench and he resisted the manic urge to scratch. That was also changing. His itch was losing its itchy quality and turning into a burning throb that had been assaulting him continuously that day. Other throbs had also been bothering Remus, things he tried not to think about because they occurred every time he was failing not to think about Sirius.
Not that that was completely new. Not since fourth year. Nope, not new at all.
Remus sighed unhappily and threw himself on the broken bed, careful to lie on his back just in case he bent something that wasn't in the mood to bend. He was bored. And annoyed. And he really didn't want to think anymore but there wasn't much else to do... Well, except that, but he really didn't like masturbating when his mind was on his friend. It felt... rude. And embarrassing. Remus imagined Sirius would lord it over his head if the boy ever found out, the prat that he was. And since Sirius had been studying Legilimency, it wasn't a completely unfounded concern.
There had been one troublesome instance when Remus had been sure Sirius had figured it out. Last year right after Sirius's exritus the boy had experienced amazing, if not unusual moments of deep insight. Sirius had explained it as his senses increasing, as if Padfoot's normal abilities were leaking into his human form.
Whatever it was, one night after a particularly dangerous prank, the two of them had ended up hiding behind the same statue, crushed together to fit. Remus had immediately gone into normal blush mode. But he hadn't realized Sirius had noticed until Remus had looked up to find Sirius staring at him through the dark.
Remus could see in the dark since he was six. Sirius, on the other hand, was not supposed to be able to. Worst off, his friend had leaned in, disregarding what personal space the area provided-And Remus had immediately realized the implications of this-to sniff at him. Not waiting for Sirius to jump to conclusions, Remus had swiftly covered Sirius's mouth and nose with his hand and told him it was simply adrenaline. Sirius had been all too ready to believe. Remus had not had to lean in to see just how red his friend was.
Remus had not needed to sniff to know what Sirius smelled like, either. For as long as Remus had been thinking inappropriate thoughts about his friend, Sirius had been smelling, well, inappropriately around him. Very much so. And the interesting part was that it was just for Remus.
Remus had quite the skill of sneaking up on his friends, especially when he suspected they were up to things that included traumatized students in the near future. Whenever Sirius became aware of Remus's presence his scent would change. Deliciously so. Remus didn't know exactly why, but he had a few guesses, most of them leading to the two of them locked in very inappropriate positions.
Hell, that was not the right topic to be thinking, Remus decided with a groan. His itching and now throbbing, had increased exponentially.
Why did this have to happen to him? Only Remus could have a third of him want to kill, fuck, and befriend one single person. And Sirius, in his stupid, blindingly jovial way would never know what to do.
Like with the morning incident. Instead of backing down, Sirius had tried to confront and force Remus's will. Remus had been left with no other choice but the break the fool's leg! Knowing Sirius, the idiot would try some stupid, spectacular apology and end up getting killed. By Remus.
Idiot.
Bother as it was, Remus imagined it wouldn't do to ruin his trousers. They could only stretch so far, after all. He squirmed on the bed, kicking the fabric free after tossing his shoes away. Moments later he took his shirt off as well. He'd be changing soon enough and no one would be bothering him till after.
Remus's skin had started prickling, signs that the full moon was on the way. Except it was days too soon for that sort of symptom, so Remus imagined Jon had been correct in guessing Remus's exritus was on its way as well.
He would have to fight, Remus realized glumly. Stupid insane wolf. Stupid new presence forcing him to change. Probably by nightfall given his increasing speed of symptoms. Pain... Well, to most humans that had not spent a long lifetime of being torn apart each month, was on him. The mere itch to him would have left most people a broken pile on the ground by now.
That Remus felt only annoyance by the pain seemed ironic in the greatest sense. That he was also hard as hell from the sensation only reinforced in his mind that he was a monster.
Embracing that thought, Remus discarded the rest of his scruples and clothes. Fuck the wolves and the new presence. And James, and his condescending manner. As if James could solve every damn problem that came his way with a simple wave of his wand. And Peter and his irritating fear. Even now, after years of sharing the same room, Remus could sense the smaller boy's fear of him.
And fuck Sirius Black and all the problems he brought along with him, for that matter. That stupid bastard. If he hadn't betrayed Moony that night then the wolf never would have gained so much power over Remus.
Remus growled low in his throat. Hot fire was dancing over his skin, leaving him feeling befuddled and dizzy. Things were starting to hurt. Really hurt, even for a werewolf. Thinking of which, the wolves were stirring, nervous and excited from the new energy. The big bad wolf was getting ready for a power fight.
Remus growled again, this time in anger. Luckily, he was more than ready for a good fight.
*****
The dawn after the full moon arrived with a brightening sky and no sign of Remus. It had been a week and two days since Remus had disappeared. As sure as Sirius was that Remus was avoiding him, he was also sure that he had to make sure Remus was okay. A final look at the Marauder's Map confirmed that Remus hadn't moved from the spot in the Shrieking Shack since they had first checked the day before. That meant Remus hadn't moved at all during his lunar transformation. Something was very wrong.
“I'm not saying there's a problem or anything, but I think you should just turn back into Padfoot for now,” James insisted once they had finally managed to pry the last magical ward off the door. “And Pete, maybe you should go watch the front entrance in case it goes bad. Remus... Well, he could be a lot stronger, or at least, crazier than normal.”
Peter was very happy for the excuse to flee and didn't wait for Sirius to put his two cents in before turning into Wormtail and scurrying down the long tunnel. Sirius was in fact not happy to be furry for the moment, and let James know all about it.
“Will you use your brain,” James broke in once Sirius showed no signs of stopping. “Padfoot is probably the only one Moony will stand!”
“Yeah, than what about you! What if something weird has happened and he's all wolf in there? You can't go in as a human.”
“I think being human is safer than being Prongs right now,” James said in all seriousness.
Sirius just shook his head incredulously, knowing he had lost. “Fine, but Pads is going in first. At least he doesn't have to worry about being infected.”
James grabbed Sirius's shoulder before he could pull away and transform. “If anything happens... You know, just in case I don't make it out alive... Don't you dare touch Lily.”
Sirius laughed at James's very stern glare and stepped away. “So sweet, Jamie boy. You can have my motorcycle.” Before James could get the boy to promise, Sirius had transformed, trotting up the door and leaning his paws against it.
James gave a low mutter but opened the door anyways, staying back so that Padfoot could scout around first. There was a lot of snuffling and the sound of paws stepping on bare wood and debris before the dog returned and promptly turned into Sirius. Not bothering to explain, Sirius grabbed James and dragged him in, past the messy living room and up the stairs to the small room Remus liked to change in. Their friend was laying in there, fresh blood streaking the dusty floor as the boy breathed erratically in sleep.
There was no description for the many claw marks, bruises and teeth imprints on Remus's bare flesh. Nearly all were self inflicted, the few that weren't resulting from where Remus had thrown himself against the walls.
“...He should have let us help him,” Sirius whispered, his stomach clenched in horror at the pool of blood that had slowly formed under his friend. Sirius stepped forward with all intent to scoop Remus up and secret him into Madame Pomfrey's capable care. But stopped when Remus opened his eyes and growled.
“Hey there, Moony,” James said calmly, quickly stepping in front of Sirius. “It looks like you had one hell of a full moon.”
Remus didn't answer, his eyes slowly fluttering closed as his breathing evened out. James and Sirius exchanged silent looks. Together they moved towards their sleeping friend, James with his wand out. Remus made no further signs of consciousness.
“What the hell happened to him?” Up close, Sirius could see the wounds were not Remus's normal werewolf inflicted injuries. What they had first thought were claw marks were in fact splits in the skin where it had grown too tight around the muscle below.
“It doesn't matter. We need to get him to Poppy, and fast.” James stooped, grabbing Remus by the chest and throwing his arm over his shoulder. He made to lift him, but Sirius held his shoulder with an odd look. “I want to carry him, Prongs.”
“No.” James lifted Remus, who felt like he had gained a good forty pounds in muscle since they had last seen him, and stepped past Sirius without a second glance. Sirius eventually followed, moodily punching the door frame on his way out.
*****
Remus wasn't quite sure how he had gotten back to bed, but that was certainly where he had woken up. He also wasn't sure what day it was, or where his friends were, or most importantly, if he had any chocolate to eat. His stomach had no confusion in the fact that he was starving.
Remus slowly pushed himself from the mattress, fighting off a wave of dizziness as the world turned right side up. He was thirsty too, very thirsty. Flexing his throat, Remus found it to be raw and uncomfortable, although he couldn't quite recall why that would be. He went to ask his wolf why he felt like a truck had just hit him, only to discover that his wolf was no longer there. His murderous wolf gave him a sharp growl and continued to sulk.
Eyes closed, the long stretch of hell Remus had endured came rushing to the front of his memory. At some point during the change his wolf had joined the man. And the boy had as well. All that was left was the big bad wolf, and he wasn't going willingly.
Instead of dwelling on these new, and very disturbing thoughts, Remus decided that he was going to let his stomach rule his higher functioning for now, and get out of bed. After a blurry moment of reacquainting himself with gravity, Remus pushed himself from the floor where he had fallen and stood again. This time factoring his elongated legs before trying to walk. By the time Remus had made it to the door he decided he was too hungry to go back and change from his pajama bottoms that someone, who smelled an awful lot like James, had kindly dressed him in.
Falling down the stone spiral staircase into the Gryffindor common room is a very unpleasant feeling, especially when you haven't eaten for a week and are unusually dizzy. Grunting from his place once again on the floor, Remus wondered briefly if crawling on all fours wouldn't just be the safest way to get to the Great Hall. There were staircases to be traversed, moving staircases.
His stomach gave another growl, more demanding than before, and Remus shook his stupor away and stood. His steps were hesitant and weak until the cooler air of the corridors sweeping up from the lower levels of the castle hit him. Rejuvenated, he made it the rest of the way to the Great Hall without incident. The empty halls meant everyone had already beaten Remus to their seats and were likely eating all the food his stomach was insisting was his.
That would not do. Remus crashed through the Great Hall doors, scanning the room briefly. Ignoring the shocked looks fixated on him, he leaped onto the Gryffindor table and dashed down to where his usual place setting was to prevent the crush of bodies from getting in the way of his meal. Remus crouched on the table, the spaces between his toes filled with scrambled eggs, and quickly grabbed the closest serving spoon-ham and macaroni, and ate from it as if it were his own.
A hand came into view and Remus growled. The hand rightfully retreated and Remus took the great jug of pumpkin juice and began to drink all its contents down, liquid sluicing down his neck and bare chest. Once finishing, he slammed it down with a smacking of his lips and looked for his next meal.
His eyes rested on a strip of bacon halfway down the table. It was on Anthony Wart's plate, and the second year met Remus's gaze with wide-eyed terror. Taking that as consent, Remus slid down the table, grinning fiercely at the boy in thanks before snatching up the bacon and tearing into it.
“Wow, they really got you good, Lupin,” Anthony said shakily, taking in the furry ears twitching on the top of Remus's head, and the fluffy tail sprouting from his pajamas that wagged this way and that as Remus went around the table looking for food. Once the spell was taken off Anthony would not want to be in the Gryffindor common room to witness the deaths of James and Sirius by the prefect's hands. Especially since Remus had become quite rough lately, and at the moment seemed older and more dangerous.
“Come on, boy, you want some more bacon?” Anthony called, holding up a piece he had taken from his neighbor's plate and waving it to Remus as if he were a puppy.
Anthony's tone sent warning bells ringing in Remus's head, and he turned slowly, narrowing on the patronizing smile and ending on the bacon being waved at him. Meat. Remus didn't want any of this stupid human food, he wanted protein, and there was very little at the table to indulge in. He stalked slowly back to Anthony, trying to decipher what the boy was playing at.
“There you go. Good boy,” Anthony said brightly. He had always wanted a dog, but they weren't on the curriculum of appropriate pets in Hogwarts. He held his hand out palm up, and was delighted when Remus took the bacon from him with his teeth. Anthony petted the sandy locks, scratching behind Remus's new ears.
“Wow, totally cool. I hope you can stay like this for a while.” Anthony looked to his neighbors for agreement but they were all staring at Remus warily. Celina, who was sitting a seat away, carefully reached over and grabbed the hand Anthony was using to pet Remus and pulled it away from the older boy.
Confused, Anthony looked back to find Remus staring at him intensely, something dark flickering in his honey colored eyes. For the first time Anthony noticed just how muscular Remus had become and how his fingers ended in wicked claws that were clicking on the tabletop.
“Remus, hey wow, you're up! Look at that! Ha, and the prank worked too! You must be hating us right now!” James jumped between Remus and Anthony, his voice overly loud as he tried to distract the transformed boy. “Holy hell, you have ears! Uh, as w-was expected, of course!” He added hastily. “Why don't you come over here to the teacher's table, huh Remmy? I think I saw a whole plate of untouched bacon down that way.”
That got Remus's attention. He pulled his glare away from James and Anthony and jumped to the floor, making his way to the head table. Remus hesitate, fifteen sets of educated adult eyes staring back at him warily, their wands inconspicuously within or close to hand. But there was a huge plate of bacon. And Remus was having a difficult time figuring out if eating it would get him attacked, and if he cared about it that much.
Dumbledore's seat was in front of the tempting sight, and Remus turned his gaze to the man, smiling hesitantly to reveal sharp, pointed teeth. “Excuse me, Professor. I am very hungry but I arrived too late. Could I possibly share some of your bacon?” Remus's words, polite, clear and ordinary, came with a new deeper voice that Remus did not immediately recognize. It must have been from his exritus, Remus reminded, dismissing the thought for more important things. Such as bacon.
If Dumbledore was surprised, he gave no sign. “Certainly, my boy. Why don't you have a seat and while you start on that I'll send a message to the house elves to prepare more...?” Dumbledore paused, waiting for Remus to fill in what he wanted.
“Meat,” Remus said simply. The teachers around him stirred, but Remus didn't care. Dumbledore seemed to understand well enough.
“Very good. Would you like it cooked?” Remus paused at the question, checking with his stomach. He finally gave a shrug. “Doesn't matter.”
“Good, good. Here's a chair for you and a plate. If you don't mind, I haven't seen you for a while, Mr. Lupin, so I feel this may be a timely opportunity to catch up.”
Remus shrugged again, taking the seat Dumbledore spelled up. He furrowed his brows, looking back to see what was hurting his backside so. A new appendage wagged back at Remus. Disregarding the tail, he sat closer to the edge of the seat to give it room, and forgot all about it as the smell of bacon filled his nose and his mouth began to water. Remus took a huge handful, stuffed it in his mouth with sharp edges scraping his cheek and gums, and swallowed down too fast. Only to repeat the move three more times before his stomach lessened its desperate call.
Remus picked up a napkin that had been thoughtfully set down for him, wiped his mouth and hands, and began to eat mush slower and neater, his posture correcting itself from its protective hunch of earlier.
Dumbledore, seeing this, started the promised 'catching up.' “Can you tell my your name?”
Remus chewed slowly, meeting the wizard's gaze. So it was going to be like that. “Remus John Lupin.”
“And the year?” “1978” “And the day?”
Remus paused at that one, thinking carefully. “Well, the full moon was March 26th, so it has to be after that. Did I miss Easter?”
“No, no you still have plenty of time. It's actually tomorrow.” Unhappily, Remus realized that he had not missed whatever prank and consequent lecture he would have to give his friends after.
Dumbledore leaned in with an interested look in his eyes. “You have healed quite quickly, Mr. Lupin. Usually the day after you can barely drag yourself from bed. The full moon was yesterday and all you seem to show for it is your unusual additions and a large appetite.”
Just then, food began to appear, ranging from brazed mutton to-heaven help him, medium rare steaks as big as Remus's head. Silverware suddenly did not work in Remus's trembling fingers so he grabbed one of the steaks with his hands and sunk his teeth in. He paused to savor the flavor filling his sense, hot juices dripping down his throat. With a sudden growl he tightened his teeth and pulled, shaking his head back and forth until a large chunk of flesh broke away that he could chew and swallow.
“Wonderful...” Remus said with a content sigh, and then nibbled a smaller bite off.
“I'll let the house elves know you approve,” Dumbledore said with a twinkle. “Now, about your time missing?”
“I was in the Shack for the most of it. I don't know who brought me back. I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure my exritus is done with, at least. So... hopefully I'll be back to normal soon.” Remus tilted his head, his mind drumming up things that were not normal about his current behavior, or any of his behavior the past month, but he dismissed them quick enough. “Could you please pass the gravy?”
“Can you tell me how you're feeling towards your friends at the moment?” Dumbledore, his gaze heavy, handed the gravy over, but continued holding it in a way so that Remus could not take it without a fight. The murderous wolf immediately saw this for the challenge it was, but Remus remained steady. Dumbleore was a professor, a trusted one at that. Remus was not going to start killing people over gravy.
“I honestly don't know. I haven't seen them yet.” The gravy was placed on the table before Remus, and the boy immediately poured it over his turkey.
“Mr. Potter was just here a moment ago.”
“Yeah, but he was talking nonsense and I was really hungry. I didn't get a chance to feel anything.”
“I see... May I suggest that you finish your meal and then perhaps we could bring them in and discern just what you're feeling?”
“Sure, I guess,” Remus said with a shrug, finding his fork and knife and cutting small bites of his food.
*****
“Did you see his ears? Holy crap, they were freaking adorable.”
“I wanna see, I wanna see!” Sirius whined, annoyed that he had been locked into the side room off the Great Hall the moment Remus had made an appearance. All he had heard was a commotion of plates falling to the floor and then James and Peter had grabbed him and dragged him away.
“You know we can't let you. If you can see Remus, than he can definitely see you.”
“But I wannaaa!” Sirius howled, bouncing from one foot to the other. “What did he look like? Tell me!”
“Like one of those Wizard from Witch Weekly,” Peter confided quietly. “You know, the ones where they're all mussed from sleep, half dressed and ready to shag. He reeked of testosterone. All the girls were practically drooling on him. If he didn't look like he would have killed anyone that got too close I bet they would have been all over him.”
Sirius's eyes widened as the image sunk in, and he gave a lower, hungry whine. “I want to see...”
“No.” James smacked him lightly off the side of the head. “We still don't know if he wants to kill you or not.”
“I don't care, I just want to-“ Thankfully the door opened, cutting off Sirius's whine. Professor McGonagall came in with a stern glare.
“Did any of you curse that boy? You know how grave a situation could be if you used magic on him.”
“We didn't, Professor, honest. We would never do anything to hurt Remus. Whatever happened to him with the ears and tail-”
“He had a tail!” Sirius asked, only to be knocked quiet by James's elbow.
“It had to have been the last part of his exritus.” James had only pretended to have cursed Remus because of what the wolfish ears and tail would suggest to anyone smart enough to put and exritus and transformation together. Werewolves already were ostracized; being part fae was just as bad, and more difficult to hide.
Professor McGonagall regarded them suspiciously for a moment and then nodded. “Very well. He's ready to see you now. Although I warn you three, he does not know how he feels, and it is very possible that things are not the same with him since his change.”
“Does he seem angry?” Sirius asked anxiously.
“I do not know. He seems blank, as if he is blocking off things from himself. There is no indication of where this might lead.” Nodding, the three boys followed the professor out the door, pausing in the doorway where Remus could be seen picking at his food while he sat across from the professors at their table.
Peter was right, Sirius decided as he looked Remus over intently. Remus looked more a man than a boy now, his bare shoulders wider, arms heavily muscled, chest and abs defined. His face was more angular than before, his golden eyes deeper and sharper beneath heavy eyebrows, as if the wolf were showing through his face. Remus's lips were full and red as if blood were dripping from them, and above his mussed locks were sharp furry points twitching and turning with the sounds of the hall.
It was a good change, Sirius decided. A fucking amazingly good change.
“Ah, here we are.” Dumbledore kindly waved the three boys over, making sure they joined the side of the table the teachers were on for extra protection. “Mr. Lupin, your friends have arrived.”
Remus did not look up for long moments, his head cocked to the side attentively and his nostrils flaring as he read the change in the air.
“Uhh... Hey Remus,” James started, leaning over the table but still giving a respectable distance in case Remus saw it as a threat. “You grew some-Get it? Gruesome.”
“That bad, huh?” Remus looked up, smirking. “I was afraid I would end up looking pretty like Siri.” Remus did not look at Sirius when saying this, keeping his focus completely on James as he tried to access his feeling for the boy. What Remus found was promising, and he turned towards Peter next.
The smell of fear immediately hit Remus's nose. It reminded him greatly of prey. Remus decided he could ignore it, and gave the small boy a smile. “Hey ya, Pete. Glad to see you're looking better.”
“Y-You too, Remus. I, uh, like your ears.”
“Ah, I haven't been by a mirror yet. I'm sure they're horrible.” Remus reached up self consciously, touching the furry ears that had migrated north of his head.
“Do you feel any better?” James asked. Remus shrugged. “I feel weird. Different.”
Remus did not think about how different. Inside he was all alone with only himself-someone he didn't really know very well-and the murderous wolf. It was unsettling. And Remus had a growing feeling that the struggle was far from over and he had merely hit the eye of the storm.
“Perhaps it's time you said hello to Mr. Black,” Dumbledore urged when Remus showed no inclination of looking in Sirius's direction. Remus shrugged again, and deliberately put his fork and knife down so he would have no weapons in hand. He sat up straight, steadied himself, and looked directly at Sirius.
Oh-So-Serious Sirius was staring at him like a deer in the headlights. Remus had felt the boy watching him the whole time, but Sirius's sudden tension had to have come from the eye contact. Remus unconsciously licked a sliver of of steak from between his sharp teeth, watching Sirius's breath speed up and the pupils of his beautiful blue eyes grow. If those weren't signs enough, Sirius was also giving off a familiar, heady scent just for Remus.
“R-Remmy,” Sirius breathed out achingly. “Whatever I did-” Sirius gulped and fell silent as Remus stood abruptly. Four teachers were suddenly flanking Sirius, their wands in hand, and Remus felt that it had been a very poor move on their part.
“Get away from him.” Remus had thought he had spoken quite calmly for his order, but something in his voice and posture must have crossed the line. The next thing Remus heard was four voices chanting “Stupefy!” and then everything went white.
*****
Once again, Remus did not know what day, or even time of day it was when he finally woke up. Remus had a clue this time though, a very sinking suspicion it was Easter.
On his chest was a white, fluffy bunny with big dark eyes and twitching nose. Remus stared at it for a long while, eventually leaning forward to smell the warm fluff. It smelled good, and with little thought he put his mouth against one of the cute floppy ears and bit. The rabbit gave a pained shriek and took off out the open door, blood streaming from what remained of its ear. Remus watched it go, chewing on delicious fur and flesh, and licking away the blood from his chin.
That was when he realized the door to his sealed hospital room was wide open. Remus got up, looked around to see if anyone would stop him, and then gave chase to the rabbit.
Outside the hospital ward he froze, a dozen fluffy white bunnies greeting him, all with identical big dark eyes and twittering noses and waving whiskers. Remus grinned wildly and pounced, running in a crouch as he chased after the rabbits. Slowly he was being led through the halls where the bunnies' numbers continued to increase.
The Great Hall doors were open wide and a familiar scent was billowing from within. Chocolate. Remus immediately changed direction, heading for the doors. Within was a huge, squirming pile of white fluffiness. Laughing, Remus jumped in, teeth snapping and claws tearing until his sight was filled with red.
“Like that, huh?” Remus jerked his head up from his rabbit feast. Sirius was shaking his way out of the mound of rabbits, his robes ruffled and hair on end. “Oof, cute little buggers.” The brunette kicked a bunny out of the way, grinning when it connected with another.
Remus crouched low, his tail wagging back and forth in anticipation. Sirius held up his hands on seeing the stance, and behind him three other bodies came pushing their way out of the bunny mound. James, Peter and Lily waved cheerfully. “Happy Easter!”
Remus growled in greeting. “We just want to talk, Remus, that's all,” James said in a very reasonable tone. Sadly, Remus didn't want to talk. He wanted to pounce. Which Remus did before the others could move, Sirius falling with a crack to the floor.
“No!” Suddenly James was on top of Remus, and Remus clawed him away, the boy's familiar face crumpling in pain. Remus wondered blearily why none of them had a wand.
A fluffy rabbit hit Remus on the side of the head, and then another. He quickly ran down Peter and Lily, who were try to stop him from causing anymore damage. They both fell apart beneath Remus's claws. Satisfied that he would have no more distraction, Remus returned to Sirius's fallen form, clamping his teeth on the boy's long neck possessively until it snapped.
ATtD Chapter Index Links
“What the fuck are you looking at?” Remus snarled at the unfortunate fourth year foolish enough to be caught staring at him. Remus gave another vicious scratch to his ridiculously itchy head and pushed his way past in the hallway.
It was no good. Remus's itch had only persisted the last few days, and with it so did his rage. Worse, Sirius was going to be let loose from the hospital wing just in time for dinner. The more Remus thought about seeing Sirius again, the more his itch grew. He'd have to skip dinner and hit the kitchens later that night, because there was no way Remus could face his friend right now. Oh, Remus knew once face to face he could, and would, be as cruel as possible. But he was in no hurry to expose them both to such pain.
“I hear they have a special bath for that particular problem.”
Remus snapped his eyes up, slowly lowering his hand from the vindictive scratching he had been attacking his head with. Fucking Severus Snape.
“You look like hell, wolf,” Severus said blankly, his sneer kept in check as he caught the strange energy Remus was emanating. “I thought your kind didn't have problems for another week?”
Remus slowed down to stand a few feet away from the Slytherin he had nearly killed. “You don't know my problems, Snape, and believe me when I say, you don't want to.”
Severus could only nod in agreement. He had no interest in becoming involved in the werewolf's life, problems or not. “I heard you attacked the mutt. Just sending my appreciation your way.”
The mere mention of Sirius caused Remus to tense and snarl. “Don't start with me, Snape,” Remus warned lowly, taking a step closer. His glare intense, he tapped his index finger to his prefect badge.
Severus took a step back, feeling that rather settled that. “So your inner prefect has suddenly decided to make an appearance?”
“Yes. And it's in a vengeful mood.” Remus kept his gaze level until he was certain Severus knew exactly what they were talking about.
“In that case... I do believe I have places to be, Lupin.” Refraining from his normal parting dig, Severus adjusted the strap of his book bag and calmly walked past Remus.
Once Severus was out of sight, Remus gave a weak sigh, and immediately returned to scratching his head. It wasn't until he was through the doors of the Great Hall that he remembered he had planned to skip dinner that night.
Scanning the room proved his friends to be absent. Remus's stomach gave a stubborn growl at the smell of food, and he reluctantly put his books down and sat at his normal seat. His appetite had been intense lately, something Jon had warned him about. Jon had also told Remus to eat no matter how excessive it seemed, if only to help drive off other appetites that would not be so simply settled.
Remus wasn't sure if being a roly-poly werewolf was going to keep him from killing, or shagging a particular boy into the wall. But he imagined all those diplomas Jon had should stand for something besides a blur to stare at when being prodded. If Remus was quick about it, he may even miss his friends completely.
Remus was neck deep in a leg of chicken when his head gave a horrible twitch, and went mad with tingling, itching... Well, madness! Groaning, he threw his food down, hastily wiped his hands and then attacked his head. It was hell. Remus was living in hell. And sure enough, once the itching had paused long enough for Remus to peer up through his fingers, James and Sirius were peering back with twin looks of concern and anxiety clear on their faces.
Something rose up in Remus at the sight of Sirius's pale face, and Remus was on his feet, a dark growl falling from his lips before he could stop. Catching himself, Remus clapped his hands over his mouth but the damage was done.
The three stared at each other for a long moment. “Your hair is sticking up,” James finally said, sitting down and dragging a whimpering Sirius into the seat next to him before Sirius could bolt.
Remus continued to stand, unsure of what to do. Sure he had broken Sirius's leg the other day, but what had just happened was different. Remus had lost control of himself in that small moment, and all three of them knew it.
He had to get out of there.
“Wait,” James ordered. Another growl rose up in Remus at the confrontational tone. Remus didn't like the way James was glaring at him. Or the way James was casually blocking Sirius like that, either.
“We need to talk. You can't just...”
Remus shook his head fitfully, eyes locked on James. “Don't.”
“We're not letting you do this to yourself,” James said firmly. “Let us help you.”
Remus fought off his growing rage. James had no right telling him what to do. “I don't need help from anyone. Just...” Remus licked his lips and took a step forward. “Just let go of his arm, Prongs.”
James blinked, his eyes glancing quickly to where his hand was still holding Sirius back. Snapping his gaze back to Remus, James tried to judged what was going on in his friend's head. “And if I don't?”
Rip-Tear-Kill-! Remus stumbled back as violent rage rose up and overwhelmed him. He gave a fleeting glance to his stunned friends and ran from the room.
“Well... that was unexpected,” James grumbled, completely unnerved by the vicious look Remus had pinned him with before fleeing.
“I told you. I think I better find somewhere else to sleep for a while,” Sirius whispered, thudding his head onto the table.
“I think we both may have to,” James agreed, picking up his plate and gathering dinner. “It looks like he's having dominance issues. Prongs has always been Moony's rival for leadership during the moon. If that's leaking out now, we're going to have another problem. I don't mind putting Moony in his place and all, but as a human Remus will beat me, no question.”
Sirius raised his head, looking skeptical. “What are you saying? You're going to fight him?”
“Not if I can help it,” James admitted. “He's got me beat on physical and magical powers. As good as you, Peter, and I have been at keeping Moony in line, Moony's greatest control has always been Remus. If Remus loses it now we're all pretty much screwed.”
“That's not very encouraging.” Sirius sighed, his head returning to the table and his sour mood. “That look he gave me... He really wants to kill me.”
James nodded, having to agree. “I don't think you should run with us next week. This is Moony's issue, not Remus's, so the further apart you two are the better.”
Sirius ran idle fingers over the table. “So you think his furry side is causing this?”
James pursed his lips, staring down at Sirius's slumped shoulders. “I don't know. Padfoot hasn't really done anything that I can remember.” James took a hesitant chew to his chicken, wondering if he should say what was on his mind. “Siri... Moony is mad for Padfoot. We all know it.”
“So?” Sirius propped his chin up onto his hands, staring blankly at the food he wasn't eating. “That should make him not want to kill me.”
“So... maybe that's scaring our little Remus. Did you read that book I brought you?”
“Yeah, yeah...” Sirius scrunched his nose while he followed James's train of thought. It was difficult. Having Remus want to kill him took all of Sirius's motivation away. Sirius had been feeling stuck in a deep spiral of despair and self-loathing since Remus had broken his leg, and it was hard to get out.
“So Remus is afraid that Moony may like me. And that by killing me Remus won't have to deal with that?” Sirius finally spoke up, blowing a stray strand of hair out of his face.
“Something like that. Maybe this is Remus's way of pushing you away... by crippling you.” James took a sip of pumpkin juice, not sure exactly if they were making sense anymore.
Sirius sighed. “Maybe he loves me.”
Snorting, James smacked Sirius on the back. “You wish.”
Sirius gave a greater, long-suffering sigh, turning his head to stare unseeingly at James's plate. “Why doesn't he love me? Can't I be loved?”
“Oh, for Merlin's sake! Don't do that, Siri.” James groaned, burying his head in his hands. “He loves you. We all do.”
“He hates me.”
“No, he doesn't.”
“He wants to kill me,” Sirius insisted glumly.
“Yes, well... I'm afraid so. Remus is going through growing pains right now. He wants to kill me too.”
“No, he just wants to be leader and beat you up. Remus wants to kill me.”
“Well... you're the only one he wants to kill. The only one. You're special like that,” James said lamely, scratching the tip of his nose.
“...I guess I am.” Sirius perked up a bit, actually sitting up straight. “I mean, Remus doesn't ever want to hurt anyone. That's got to stand for something.”
“Sure it does, mate. Tuck into some grub before it gets cold.” James passed his friend a heaping bowl of potatoes, hoping to hide his doubt in the flurry of motion. Only Sirius would find something so dangerous so inspiring.
“You know... when he growled I went to half staff.”
“And this is why Lily complains about your conversational skills.” James sighed, rolling his eyes while Sirius snickered.
Sirius ignored him, licking at his fork thoughtfully. “I mean, I hate that he wants to kill me and all, but he is fucking hot like this. Right before he broke my leg I was certain I was going to cream my pants.”
“I really don't want to hear this,” James grumbled.
Sirius gave James a long side glance, remembering the lust spell that had gone wrong when they were in confined proximity. “You weren't complaining when we spent that night in the Shack,” he reminded with his patented sexy smirk.
“I blocked that out months ago,” James replied weakly, looking away to hide his blush.
“Sure...” Sirius said smugly, leaning against his friend. “To think we almost got Remus to follow us that night.”
“To think we almost didn't ditch Peter,” James added with a shudder. “So... you honestly liked it when Remmy broke your leg?”
Sirius nodded. “He pinned me to the wall to do it. Ran his hands down over my hips and thighs before he snapped it. His eyes were so intense... Fuck. It was better than sex.”
James shook his head slowly. “You have problems, man. All I'm saying.”
“I know,” Sirius admitted unabashedly. “I think I'd die happy if it were by his hands.”
James ruffled his mess locks nervously. “That is not going to happen. I'm already forming a plan.”
“Really?” Sirius beamed, bouncing in his seat. “What is it?”
“Lily.”
“Lily?” Sirius scowled. “That's your answer to everything.”
“Yeah, but this time I think it's the answer to the right question. Those two get along rather well when you're not around to piss her off. I'm sure she'll at least find out what's wrong with him.”
“And when he beats her up and leaves her in tears right before she breaks up with you forever...?” Sirius questioned.
“Not going to happen. No one is a match for my Lily.” James gave Sirius a resolute stare that the boy found strangely comforting.
“Why do you get the two strongest wives again?”
“Because I'm cool like that,” James reminded smugly, before shoving more food at Sirius.
*****
“Remus... Remus, wait up!” Remus turned from where he was just about to step on to the moving staircase. Lily came running up, her books clutched to her chest to keep them from spilling. “Damn boy, you've got long legs!”
The better to run from you, my dear. Remus had a feeling that Lily would not enjoy the self-deprecating line, so he kept it to himself. “Did you want something, Lils?”
“Yes... two things, actually.” Catching her breath, she straightened and leveled Remus with a piercing look. “Just what do those three idiots have planned for Easter this year? Honestly, Remus, I will not have a repeat of last year with those stupid humping hearts. You're supposed to be keeping them in check and yet, I hear that you've already incited two fights in our House. Being a prefect means that you're not allowed to discriminate when it comes to your friends. And certainly, you cannot continue causing trouble like this...”
As Lily prattled on, Remus was strongly reminded of his mother. His parents were horribly worried about him. When Remus saw it through their perspective he could understand why. He was the responsible one, ever since he was a child. The unhappy one. The one that was too strange to play with the other kids. Remus had been the wolf in child's flesh, and even then the others could sense it. So he had hid himself away with his books and fantasies, learning how monsters were defeated and hoping that when he became a monster someone would defeat him.
Instead Remus had found a riffraff of beasts posing as children and together they had formed his pack. No... Prongs's pack. James had been the one to gather them all together. If not for him, Remus would have never found them. He would still be an outsider. From the beginning it had been James to gravitate them all.
Remus had thought that it was all right. The wolf had never showed any great discontent with being second. Moony was still the alpha wolf. What did Moony care of a stag's standing, as long as no other wolf infringed on his territory? The dog may have been foolish of all the rules, but he had never fought for power... But then, what right did a stag have to get between a wolf and the punishment of his dog?
Remus would have to explain to James what it meant to be pack leader, and where Moony stood in it. Moony only followed because he chose to follow, not because he was obligated to Prongs. And if Moony chose to leave the pack, Padfoot would rightly follow. That was how it should be, and if James couldn't see that then they were going to have a real problem. Moony would not let go of Padfoot, even if at the moment the wolf was not happy with the boy Sirius...
“Remus? Are you even listening to me?” Lily gave an exasperated sigh when Remus blinked and focused on her.
“Actually, no.” Before Lily could gain enough breath to explode, Remus pulled his bag from his shoulder and unzipped it. He handed a very plump and very unconscious rat to Lily. “Could you give this to James? I'm afraid I won't be in class for the next few days. I'd be really grateful if you could leave me notes, Lils.” Remus turned on his heel and headed up the stairs. Sure to catch them the moment they stared moving so that he wouldn't be followed.
“Remus, wait! Where are you going? You can't just skip a couple of days of class!”
Remus only shrugged. It was Thursday and a week and a day away from the full moon. He could catch up in his studies later. “I need time to think. If something comes up and you need me, just ask the guys.” Remus didn't expect his friends to actually seek him out. They knew as well as him that he needed to get away. They had the Marauder's Map if they really needed to get in contact.
Hopefully by the time the moon rose, everything would be clear.
Remus gave a small wave of farewell when Lily's angry expression melted to worry. “See you around, Lils.”
“Don't... don't leave the good part behind, idiot.” Lily called faintly.
Remus nodded. He had no intention of losing his humanity, but if he did he was going to make sure it would be where no one else could get hurt.
*****
“I could smell it. It was aggression,” Peter insisted, sitting up in his hospital bed while James and Sirius continued their grilling. “He's giving off anger like it's a perfume. It was like being hit in the face with a brick of testosterone. Very unpleasant to the senses.”
“Testosterone?” James sat back, a thoughtful look pasted on his face.
“Yeah. And Remus said he was going to take off and would meet up with us on the moon. But, if he moves the stone to the front of the Willow then that means he doesn't want company. I... I think he's worried he's going to hurt us.” Peter said slowly. “And actually, I think he has good worry for it. He's not controlled anymore. When Remus caught me I was rather sure he'd squeeze me dead if I hadn't stopped moving.”
“Well, we know he's hitting a new phase in his, er, development,” Sirius pointed out. “His magic has been spiking the last month, and that usually means his exritus is on the way. I grew a bloody foot and started talking in bass after mine.” Not to mention some other little quirks that made Sirius bark in laughter. “I wasn't exactly happy about it at the time.”
James bent his head down, his brows furrowed. “Yeah... but think about that for a second. For a werewolf, testosterone represents either fighting or fucking. What if this isn't just about fighting?”
“That's an image I did not want to think about,” Peter said after a long pause.
“Speak for yourself.” Sirius tapped his feet idly on the ground. “So, he's possibly horny. How does that help us?'
“I don't know... But I think it's something to consider. If it's hormones then reasoning with Remus won't work. But it also means he's not truly as angry as he seems. If its just his exritus then he'll likely go back to normal after he settles again.”
Sirius perked at that, a spark of hope blossoming on his face. “I like the sound of that. I mean, why would he have been on those crazy pills, if not because his hormones were messed up? James, you're brilliant!” Sirius hopped up, bouncing to his friend and crushing him in a bear hug.
“Gah, let me breathe, mate.” James playfully shoved Sirius away, adding with a clever smile, “So while we're waiting for Remus to find his senses, what are we doing for Easter this year? I figured we could reserve it just for you to help get you back in Moony's good graces.”
“I've been thinking about that, actually.” Sirius's smile turned downright wicked. “It was going to be a nasty prank on the kiddies, but I think with a lot of work we could make it into something spectacularly fun for Remmy. It'll take a bit of time though for the larger part.”
“Whatever you want, Siri. We'll make it work.”
“Yeah, Siri. It's a synch since homework has backed off after the NEWTs,” Peter agreed wholeheartedly.
“Great. The first thing we'll need is a rabbit and a knife.”
James crinkled his nose. Maybe he should have heard the idea before agreeing so quickly.
*****
There was a new presence in Remus's head. Slowly it had crept into his subconscious over the last few months. Remus had been vaguely aware of it, mostly because the wolves became sullen and silent whenever the presence flared strong. And it was a strong presence. A powerful presence, albeit silent. It had the power to subdue the wild wolves.
As of yet, Remus wasn't sure if he liked the new presence. Although it quieted the wolves, Remus sensed that the presence also rivaled them in viciousness.
Today Remus had come to the conclusion that the new presence in his head was of the man he would soon become. Undeniably, it scared the hell out of him.
Remus had wandered Hogwarts for the first two days and then locked himself away in the Shrieking Shack once suitably loaded down with treats and provisions.
He thought a lot-not that he didn't think too much already-but now Remus was thinking about the things he didn't like to think about. Like about the wolves, and why they each had their own voice. Remus knew that wasn't good. Split personalities weren't really encouraged.
The voices had been getting louder that last year of school and Remus feared they would start hijacking his body outside of the moon. If he was honest, it had already happened on more than one occasion. Each slip of his composure was a reflection of a larger slip in his control over the dark creatures. As much as Remus liked to think he was ditching school it was really to just make sure he didn't lose his mind and start hurting people.
And Remus wanted to hurt people. Smells, sounds, movements-humans were so caustic to his senses. And they were so obliviously cheerful... Remus envied the students and their carefree lives. Those feelings combined, it left Remus hurting and violent to be around them.
Still, that was something he could overcome. With work and patience Remus could defeat those issues as he had done in the past. His first day of Hogwarts, Remus had hid himself away under his bed, scared senseless of the new, foreign surrounding until he had calmed down enough and sneaked out. That the other boys in the dorm hadn't made a single crack about it, although he had clearly heard them joking about most everything else, had only strengthen Remus's tentative trust of them.
Even then his friends had understood Remus's nature and had know how to handle him. But now... No, he really didn't think they could help him now. This was a problem for him alone.
Remus's mind had been mostly preoccupied with not thinking about the Sirius issue. There was no doubt that Moony wanted Sirius dead. There was also no question that it was Sirius's fault. It made for difficult reasoning when Sirius had no defense but his own stupidity. And now this.
While sitting there among the dusty remnants of violence and pain, the presence had flared to great power inside Remus. It was still silent, but with things going on in one's head, you pretty much knew what's thinking what without the use of actual words.
The new presence was thinking unity. Once voice instead of many. Compromise. Agreement. Integration.
It was terrifying.
Remus had lived with the wolves since he was first bit; he didn't know how else to be. Just because it was healthier and ultimately better to have no extra voices in one's head did not stop his fear.
The only thing that kept Remus from rejecting the idea completely was the fact that his well-mannered wolf was open to it. It wasn't a creature of complex emotions like the werewolf or the human; it understood simplicity. And simplicity in this case called for one voice that would allow the chaos to fade.
Remus pushed himself off the floor and grabbed his wand from the broken bureau. He didn't know what to expect from the next moon and didn't want his friends there to find out. He set their little 'do not disturb' symbol out on the Willow and was sure to ward the door numerous times to keep him in and everyone out.
The werewolf didn't want simplicity. It wanted to rule.
Remus's head gave another wrench and he resisted the manic urge to scratch. That was also changing. His itch was losing its itchy quality and turning into a burning throb that had been assaulting him continuously that day. Other throbs had also been bothering Remus, things he tried not to think about because they occurred every time he was failing not to think about Sirius.
Not that that was completely new. Not since fourth year. Nope, not new at all.
Remus sighed unhappily and threw himself on the broken bed, careful to lie on his back just in case he bent something that wasn't in the mood to bend. He was bored. And annoyed. And he really didn't want to think anymore but there wasn't much else to do... Well, except that, but he really didn't like masturbating when his mind was on his friend. It felt... rude. And embarrassing. Remus imagined Sirius would lord it over his head if the boy ever found out, the prat that he was. And since Sirius had been studying Legilimency, it wasn't a completely unfounded concern.
There had been one troublesome instance when Remus had been sure Sirius had figured it out. Last year right after Sirius's exritus the boy had experienced amazing, if not unusual moments of deep insight. Sirius had explained it as his senses increasing, as if Padfoot's normal abilities were leaking into his human form.
Whatever it was, one night after a particularly dangerous prank, the two of them had ended up hiding behind the same statue, crushed together to fit. Remus had immediately gone into normal blush mode. But he hadn't realized Sirius had noticed until Remus had looked up to find Sirius staring at him through the dark.
Remus could see in the dark since he was six. Sirius, on the other hand, was not supposed to be able to. Worst off, his friend had leaned in, disregarding what personal space the area provided-And Remus had immediately realized the implications of this-to sniff at him. Not waiting for Sirius to jump to conclusions, Remus had swiftly covered Sirius's mouth and nose with his hand and told him it was simply adrenaline. Sirius had been all too ready to believe. Remus had not had to lean in to see just how red his friend was.
Remus had not needed to sniff to know what Sirius smelled like, either. For as long as Remus had been thinking inappropriate thoughts about his friend, Sirius had been smelling, well, inappropriately around him. Very much so. And the interesting part was that it was just for Remus.
Remus had quite the skill of sneaking up on his friends, especially when he suspected they were up to things that included traumatized students in the near future. Whenever Sirius became aware of Remus's presence his scent would change. Deliciously so. Remus didn't know exactly why, but he had a few guesses, most of them leading to the two of them locked in very inappropriate positions.
Hell, that was not the right topic to be thinking, Remus decided with a groan. His itching and now throbbing, had increased exponentially.
Why did this have to happen to him? Only Remus could have a third of him want to kill, fuck, and befriend one single person. And Sirius, in his stupid, blindingly jovial way would never know what to do.
Like with the morning incident. Instead of backing down, Sirius had tried to confront and force Remus's will. Remus had been left with no other choice but the break the fool's leg! Knowing Sirius, the idiot would try some stupid, spectacular apology and end up getting killed. By Remus.
Idiot.
Bother as it was, Remus imagined it wouldn't do to ruin his trousers. They could only stretch so far, after all. He squirmed on the bed, kicking the fabric free after tossing his shoes away. Moments later he took his shirt off as well. He'd be changing soon enough and no one would be bothering him till after.
Remus's skin had started prickling, signs that the full moon was on the way. Except it was days too soon for that sort of symptom, so Remus imagined Jon had been correct in guessing Remus's exritus was on its way as well.
He would have to fight, Remus realized glumly. Stupid insane wolf. Stupid new presence forcing him to change. Probably by nightfall given his increasing speed of symptoms. Pain... Well, to most humans that had not spent a long lifetime of being torn apart each month, was on him. The mere itch to him would have left most people a broken pile on the ground by now.
That Remus felt only annoyance by the pain seemed ironic in the greatest sense. That he was also hard as hell from the sensation only reinforced in his mind that he was a monster.
Embracing that thought, Remus discarded the rest of his scruples and clothes. Fuck the wolves and the new presence. And James, and his condescending manner. As if James could solve every damn problem that came his way with a simple wave of his wand. And Peter and his irritating fear. Even now, after years of sharing the same room, Remus could sense the smaller boy's fear of him.
And fuck Sirius Black and all the problems he brought along with him, for that matter. That stupid bastard. If he hadn't betrayed Moony that night then the wolf never would have gained so much power over Remus.
Remus growled low in his throat. Hot fire was dancing over his skin, leaving him feeling befuddled and dizzy. Things were starting to hurt. Really hurt, even for a werewolf. Thinking of which, the wolves were stirring, nervous and excited from the new energy. The big bad wolf was getting ready for a power fight.
Remus growled again, this time in anger. Luckily, he was more than ready for a good fight.
*****
The dawn after the full moon arrived with a brightening sky and no sign of Remus. It had been a week and two days since Remus had disappeared. As sure as Sirius was that Remus was avoiding him, he was also sure that he had to make sure Remus was okay. A final look at the Marauder's Map confirmed that Remus hadn't moved from the spot in the Shrieking Shack since they had first checked the day before. That meant Remus hadn't moved at all during his lunar transformation. Something was very wrong.
“I'm not saying there's a problem or anything, but I think you should just turn back into Padfoot for now,” James insisted once they had finally managed to pry the last magical ward off the door. “And Pete, maybe you should go watch the front entrance in case it goes bad. Remus... Well, he could be a lot stronger, or at least, crazier than normal.”
Peter was very happy for the excuse to flee and didn't wait for Sirius to put his two cents in before turning into Wormtail and scurrying down the long tunnel. Sirius was in fact not happy to be furry for the moment, and let James know all about it.
“Will you use your brain,” James broke in once Sirius showed no signs of stopping. “Padfoot is probably the only one Moony will stand!”
“Yeah, than what about you! What if something weird has happened and he's all wolf in there? You can't go in as a human.”
“I think being human is safer than being Prongs right now,” James said in all seriousness.
Sirius just shook his head incredulously, knowing he had lost. “Fine, but Pads is going in first. At least he doesn't have to worry about being infected.”
James grabbed Sirius's shoulder before he could pull away and transform. “If anything happens... You know, just in case I don't make it out alive... Don't you dare touch Lily.”
Sirius laughed at James's very stern glare and stepped away. “So sweet, Jamie boy. You can have my motorcycle.” Before James could get the boy to promise, Sirius had transformed, trotting up the door and leaning his paws against it.
James gave a low mutter but opened the door anyways, staying back so that Padfoot could scout around first. There was a lot of snuffling and the sound of paws stepping on bare wood and debris before the dog returned and promptly turned into Sirius. Not bothering to explain, Sirius grabbed James and dragged him in, past the messy living room and up the stairs to the small room Remus liked to change in. Their friend was laying in there, fresh blood streaking the dusty floor as the boy breathed erratically in sleep.
There was no description for the many claw marks, bruises and teeth imprints on Remus's bare flesh. Nearly all were self inflicted, the few that weren't resulting from where Remus had thrown himself against the walls.
“...He should have let us help him,” Sirius whispered, his stomach clenched in horror at the pool of blood that had slowly formed under his friend. Sirius stepped forward with all intent to scoop Remus up and secret him into Madame Pomfrey's capable care. But stopped when Remus opened his eyes and growled.
“Hey there, Moony,” James said calmly, quickly stepping in front of Sirius. “It looks like you had one hell of a full moon.”
Remus didn't answer, his eyes slowly fluttering closed as his breathing evened out. James and Sirius exchanged silent looks. Together they moved towards their sleeping friend, James with his wand out. Remus made no further signs of consciousness.
“What the hell happened to him?” Up close, Sirius could see the wounds were not Remus's normal werewolf inflicted injuries. What they had first thought were claw marks were in fact splits in the skin where it had grown too tight around the muscle below.
“It doesn't matter. We need to get him to Poppy, and fast.” James stooped, grabbing Remus by the chest and throwing his arm over his shoulder. He made to lift him, but Sirius held his shoulder with an odd look. “I want to carry him, Prongs.”
“No.” James lifted Remus, who felt like he had gained a good forty pounds in muscle since they had last seen him, and stepped past Sirius without a second glance. Sirius eventually followed, moodily punching the door frame on his way out.
*****
Remus wasn't quite sure how he had gotten back to bed, but that was certainly where he had woken up. He also wasn't sure what day it was, or where his friends were, or most importantly, if he had any chocolate to eat. His stomach had no confusion in the fact that he was starving.
Remus slowly pushed himself from the mattress, fighting off a wave of dizziness as the world turned right side up. He was thirsty too, very thirsty. Flexing his throat, Remus found it to be raw and uncomfortable, although he couldn't quite recall why that would be. He went to ask his wolf why he felt like a truck had just hit him, only to discover that his wolf was no longer there. His murderous wolf gave him a sharp growl and continued to sulk.
Eyes closed, the long stretch of hell Remus had endured came rushing to the front of his memory. At some point during the change his wolf had joined the man. And the boy had as well. All that was left was the big bad wolf, and he wasn't going willingly.
Instead of dwelling on these new, and very disturbing thoughts, Remus decided that he was going to let his stomach rule his higher functioning for now, and get out of bed. After a blurry moment of reacquainting himself with gravity, Remus pushed himself from the floor where he had fallen and stood again. This time factoring his elongated legs before trying to walk. By the time Remus had made it to the door he decided he was too hungry to go back and change from his pajama bottoms that someone, who smelled an awful lot like James, had kindly dressed him in.
Falling down the stone spiral staircase into the Gryffindor common room is a very unpleasant feeling, especially when you haven't eaten for a week and are unusually dizzy. Grunting from his place once again on the floor, Remus wondered briefly if crawling on all fours wouldn't just be the safest way to get to the Great Hall. There were staircases to be traversed, moving staircases.
His stomach gave another growl, more demanding than before, and Remus shook his stupor away and stood. His steps were hesitant and weak until the cooler air of the corridors sweeping up from the lower levels of the castle hit him. Rejuvenated, he made it the rest of the way to the Great Hall without incident. The empty halls meant everyone had already beaten Remus to their seats and were likely eating all the food his stomach was insisting was his.
That would not do. Remus crashed through the Great Hall doors, scanning the room briefly. Ignoring the shocked looks fixated on him, he leaped onto the Gryffindor table and dashed down to where his usual place setting was to prevent the crush of bodies from getting in the way of his meal. Remus crouched on the table, the spaces between his toes filled with scrambled eggs, and quickly grabbed the closest serving spoon-ham and macaroni, and ate from it as if it were his own.
A hand came into view and Remus growled. The hand rightfully retreated and Remus took the great jug of pumpkin juice and began to drink all its contents down, liquid sluicing down his neck and bare chest. Once finishing, he slammed it down with a smacking of his lips and looked for his next meal.
His eyes rested on a strip of bacon halfway down the table. It was on Anthony Wart's plate, and the second year met Remus's gaze with wide-eyed terror. Taking that as consent, Remus slid down the table, grinning fiercely at the boy in thanks before snatching up the bacon and tearing into it.
“Wow, they really got you good, Lupin,” Anthony said shakily, taking in the furry ears twitching on the top of Remus's head, and the fluffy tail sprouting from his pajamas that wagged this way and that as Remus went around the table looking for food. Once the spell was taken off Anthony would not want to be in the Gryffindor common room to witness the deaths of James and Sirius by the prefect's hands. Especially since Remus had become quite rough lately, and at the moment seemed older and more dangerous.
“Come on, boy, you want some more bacon?” Anthony called, holding up a piece he had taken from his neighbor's plate and waving it to Remus as if he were a puppy.
Anthony's tone sent warning bells ringing in Remus's head, and he turned slowly, narrowing on the patronizing smile and ending on the bacon being waved at him. Meat. Remus didn't want any of this stupid human food, he wanted protein, and there was very little at the table to indulge in. He stalked slowly back to Anthony, trying to decipher what the boy was playing at.
“There you go. Good boy,” Anthony said brightly. He had always wanted a dog, but they weren't on the curriculum of appropriate pets in Hogwarts. He held his hand out palm up, and was delighted when Remus took the bacon from him with his teeth. Anthony petted the sandy locks, scratching behind Remus's new ears.
“Wow, totally cool. I hope you can stay like this for a while.” Anthony looked to his neighbors for agreement but they were all staring at Remus warily. Celina, who was sitting a seat away, carefully reached over and grabbed the hand Anthony was using to pet Remus and pulled it away from the older boy.
Confused, Anthony looked back to find Remus staring at him intensely, something dark flickering in his honey colored eyes. For the first time Anthony noticed just how muscular Remus had become and how his fingers ended in wicked claws that were clicking on the tabletop.
“Remus, hey wow, you're up! Look at that! Ha, and the prank worked too! You must be hating us right now!” James jumped between Remus and Anthony, his voice overly loud as he tried to distract the transformed boy. “Holy hell, you have ears! Uh, as w-was expected, of course!” He added hastily. “Why don't you come over here to the teacher's table, huh Remmy? I think I saw a whole plate of untouched bacon down that way.”
That got Remus's attention. He pulled his glare away from James and Anthony and jumped to the floor, making his way to the head table. Remus hesitate, fifteen sets of educated adult eyes staring back at him warily, their wands inconspicuously within or close to hand. But there was a huge plate of bacon. And Remus was having a difficult time figuring out if eating it would get him attacked, and if he cared about it that much.
Dumbledore's seat was in front of the tempting sight, and Remus turned his gaze to the man, smiling hesitantly to reveal sharp, pointed teeth. “Excuse me, Professor. I am very hungry but I arrived too late. Could I possibly share some of your bacon?” Remus's words, polite, clear and ordinary, came with a new deeper voice that Remus did not immediately recognize. It must have been from his exritus, Remus reminded, dismissing the thought for more important things. Such as bacon.
If Dumbledore was surprised, he gave no sign. “Certainly, my boy. Why don't you have a seat and while you start on that I'll send a message to the house elves to prepare more...?” Dumbledore paused, waiting for Remus to fill in what he wanted.
“Meat,” Remus said simply. The teachers around him stirred, but Remus didn't care. Dumbledore seemed to understand well enough.
“Very good. Would you like it cooked?” Remus paused at the question, checking with his stomach. He finally gave a shrug. “Doesn't matter.”
“Good, good. Here's a chair for you and a plate. If you don't mind, I haven't seen you for a while, Mr. Lupin, so I feel this may be a timely opportunity to catch up.”
Remus shrugged again, taking the seat Dumbledore spelled up. He furrowed his brows, looking back to see what was hurting his backside so. A new appendage wagged back at Remus. Disregarding the tail, he sat closer to the edge of the seat to give it room, and forgot all about it as the smell of bacon filled his nose and his mouth began to water. Remus took a huge handful, stuffed it in his mouth with sharp edges scraping his cheek and gums, and swallowed down too fast. Only to repeat the move three more times before his stomach lessened its desperate call.
Remus picked up a napkin that had been thoughtfully set down for him, wiped his mouth and hands, and began to eat mush slower and neater, his posture correcting itself from its protective hunch of earlier.
Dumbledore, seeing this, started the promised 'catching up.' “Can you tell my your name?”
Remus chewed slowly, meeting the wizard's gaze. So it was going to be like that. “Remus John Lupin.”
“And the year?” “1978” “And the day?”
Remus paused at that one, thinking carefully. “Well, the full moon was March 26th, so it has to be after that. Did I miss Easter?”
“No, no you still have plenty of time. It's actually tomorrow.” Unhappily, Remus realized that he had not missed whatever prank and consequent lecture he would have to give his friends after.
Dumbledore leaned in with an interested look in his eyes. “You have healed quite quickly, Mr. Lupin. Usually the day after you can barely drag yourself from bed. The full moon was yesterday and all you seem to show for it is your unusual additions and a large appetite.”
Just then, food began to appear, ranging from brazed mutton to-heaven help him, medium rare steaks as big as Remus's head. Silverware suddenly did not work in Remus's trembling fingers so he grabbed one of the steaks with his hands and sunk his teeth in. He paused to savor the flavor filling his sense, hot juices dripping down his throat. With a sudden growl he tightened his teeth and pulled, shaking his head back and forth until a large chunk of flesh broke away that he could chew and swallow.
“Wonderful...” Remus said with a content sigh, and then nibbled a smaller bite off.
“I'll let the house elves know you approve,” Dumbledore said with a twinkle. “Now, about your time missing?”
“I was in the Shack for the most of it. I don't know who brought me back. I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure my exritus is done with, at least. So... hopefully I'll be back to normal soon.” Remus tilted his head, his mind drumming up things that were not normal about his current behavior, or any of his behavior the past month, but he dismissed them quick enough. “Could you please pass the gravy?”
“Can you tell me how you're feeling towards your friends at the moment?” Dumbledore, his gaze heavy, handed the gravy over, but continued holding it in a way so that Remus could not take it without a fight. The murderous wolf immediately saw this for the challenge it was, but Remus remained steady. Dumbleore was a professor, a trusted one at that. Remus was not going to start killing people over gravy.
“I honestly don't know. I haven't seen them yet.” The gravy was placed on the table before Remus, and the boy immediately poured it over his turkey.
“Mr. Potter was just here a moment ago.”
“Yeah, but he was talking nonsense and I was really hungry. I didn't get a chance to feel anything.”
“I see... May I suggest that you finish your meal and then perhaps we could bring them in and discern just what you're feeling?”
“Sure, I guess,” Remus said with a shrug, finding his fork and knife and cutting small bites of his food.
*****
“Did you see his ears? Holy crap, they were freaking adorable.”
“I wanna see, I wanna see!” Sirius whined, annoyed that he had been locked into the side room off the Great Hall the moment Remus had made an appearance. All he had heard was a commotion of plates falling to the floor and then James and Peter had grabbed him and dragged him away.
“You know we can't let you. If you can see Remus, than he can definitely see you.”
“But I wannaaa!” Sirius howled, bouncing from one foot to the other. “What did he look like? Tell me!”
“Like one of those Wizard from Witch Weekly,” Peter confided quietly. “You know, the ones where they're all mussed from sleep, half dressed and ready to shag. He reeked of testosterone. All the girls were practically drooling on him. If he didn't look like he would have killed anyone that got too close I bet they would have been all over him.”
Sirius's eyes widened as the image sunk in, and he gave a lower, hungry whine. “I want to see...”
“No.” James smacked him lightly off the side of the head. “We still don't know if he wants to kill you or not.”
“I don't care, I just want to-“ Thankfully the door opened, cutting off Sirius's whine. Professor McGonagall came in with a stern glare.
“Did any of you curse that boy? You know how grave a situation could be if you used magic on him.”
“We didn't, Professor, honest. We would never do anything to hurt Remus. Whatever happened to him with the ears and tail-”
“He had a tail!” Sirius asked, only to be knocked quiet by James's elbow.
“It had to have been the last part of his exritus.” James had only pretended to have cursed Remus because of what the wolfish ears and tail would suggest to anyone smart enough to put and exritus and transformation together. Werewolves already were ostracized; being part fae was just as bad, and more difficult to hide.
Professor McGonagall regarded them suspiciously for a moment and then nodded. “Very well. He's ready to see you now. Although I warn you three, he does not know how he feels, and it is very possible that things are not the same with him since his change.”
“Does he seem angry?” Sirius asked anxiously.
“I do not know. He seems blank, as if he is blocking off things from himself. There is no indication of where this might lead.” Nodding, the three boys followed the professor out the door, pausing in the doorway where Remus could be seen picking at his food while he sat across from the professors at their table.
Peter was right, Sirius decided as he looked Remus over intently. Remus looked more a man than a boy now, his bare shoulders wider, arms heavily muscled, chest and abs defined. His face was more angular than before, his golden eyes deeper and sharper beneath heavy eyebrows, as if the wolf were showing through his face. Remus's lips were full and red as if blood were dripping from them, and above his mussed locks were sharp furry points twitching and turning with the sounds of the hall.
It was a good change, Sirius decided. A fucking amazingly good change.
“Ah, here we are.” Dumbledore kindly waved the three boys over, making sure they joined the side of the table the teachers were on for extra protection. “Mr. Lupin, your friends have arrived.”
Remus did not look up for long moments, his head cocked to the side attentively and his nostrils flaring as he read the change in the air.
“Uhh... Hey Remus,” James started, leaning over the table but still giving a respectable distance in case Remus saw it as a threat. “You grew some-Get it? Gruesome.”
“That bad, huh?” Remus looked up, smirking. “I was afraid I would end up looking pretty like Siri.” Remus did not look at Sirius when saying this, keeping his focus completely on James as he tried to access his feeling for the boy. What Remus found was promising, and he turned towards Peter next.
The smell of fear immediately hit Remus's nose. It reminded him greatly of prey. Remus decided he could ignore it, and gave the small boy a smile. “Hey ya, Pete. Glad to see you're looking better.”
“Y-You too, Remus. I, uh, like your ears.”
“Ah, I haven't been by a mirror yet. I'm sure they're horrible.” Remus reached up self consciously, touching the furry ears that had migrated north of his head.
“Do you feel any better?” James asked. Remus shrugged. “I feel weird. Different.”
Remus did not think about how different. Inside he was all alone with only himself-someone he didn't really know very well-and the murderous wolf. It was unsettling. And Remus had a growing feeling that the struggle was far from over and he had merely hit the eye of the storm.
“Perhaps it's time you said hello to Mr. Black,” Dumbledore urged when Remus showed no inclination of looking in Sirius's direction. Remus shrugged again, and deliberately put his fork and knife down so he would have no weapons in hand. He sat up straight, steadied himself, and looked directly at Sirius.
Oh-So-Serious Sirius was staring at him like a deer in the headlights. Remus had felt the boy watching him the whole time, but Sirius's sudden tension had to have come from the eye contact. Remus unconsciously licked a sliver of of steak from between his sharp teeth, watching Sirius's breath speed up and the pupils of his beautiful blue eyes grow. If those weren't signs enough, Sirius was also giving off a familiar, heady scent just for Remus.
“R-Remmy,” Sirius breathed out achingly. “Whatever I did-” Sirius gulped and fell silent as Remus stood abruptly. Four teachers were suddenly flanking Sirius, their wands in hand, and Remus felt that it had been a very poor move on their part.
“Get away from him.” Remus had thought he had spoken quite calmly for his order, but something in his voice and posture must have crossed the line. The next thing Remus heard was four voices chanting “Stupefy!” and then everything went white.
*****
Once again, Remus did not know what day, or even time of day it was when he finally woke up. Remus had a clue this time though, a very sinking suspicion it was Easter.
On his chest was a white, fluffy bunny with big dark eyes and twitching nose. Remus stared at it for a long while, eventually leaning forward to smell the warm fluff. It smelled good, and with little thought he put his mouth against one of the cute floppy ears and bit. The rabbit gave a pained shriek and took off out the open door, blood streaming from what remained of its ear. Remus watched it go, chewing on delicious fur and flesh, and licking away the blood from his chin.
That was when he realized the door to his sealed hospital room was wide open. Remus got up, looked around to see if anyone would stop him, and then gave chase to the rabbit.
Outside the hospital ward he froze, a dozen fluffy white bunnies greeting him, all with identical big dark eyes and twittering noses and waving whiskers. Remus grinned wildly and pounced, running in a crouch as he chased after the rabbits. Slowly he was being led through the halls where the bunnies' numbers continued to increase.
The Great Hall doors were open wide and a familiar scent was billowing from within. Chocolate. Remus immediately changed direction, heading for the doors. Within was a huge, squirming pile of white fluffiness. Laughing, Remus jumped in, teeth snapping and claws tearing until his sight was filled with red.
“Like that, huh?” Remus jerked his head up from his rabbit feast. Sirius was shaking his way out of the mound of rabbits, his robes ruffled and hair on end. “Oof, cute little buggers.” The brunette kicked a bunny out of the way, grinning when it connected with another.
Remus crouched low, his tail wagging back and forth in anticipation. Sirius held up his hands on seeing the stance, and behind him three other bodies came pushing their way out of the bunny mound. James, Peter and Lily waved cheerfully. “Happy Easter!”
Remus growled in greeting. “We just want to talk, Remus, that's all,” James said in a very reasonable tone. Sadly, Remus didn't want to talk. He wanted to pounce. Which Remus did before the others could move, Sirius falling with a crack to the floor.
“No!” Suddenly James was on top of Remus, and Remus clawed him away, the boy's familiar face crumpling in pain. Remus wondered blearily why none of them had a wand.
A fluffy rabbit hit Remus on the side of the head, and then another. He quickly ran down Peter and Lily, who were try to stop him from causing anymore damage. They both fell apart beneath Remus's claws. Satisfied that he would have no more distraction, Remus returned to Sirius's fallen form, clamping his teeth on the boy's long neck possessively until it snapped.
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