All quiet on the western front...

[vous_et_moi]

Comments

[coeur_de_noir]

Charlie sounds like he needs a good kick to the head. Honestly Eddie, the last thing you need is to tie yourself down to someone who makes you feel like shit. I know what I'm talking about cos I did it myself.

Good on you for getting poached to a better place - I hope they treat you well x Good luck with the hypnotherapy, too. I think it might work - it's what Sophie Dahl did, innit?

Re: Sarah and London... I remember you talking a long time ago about you doing that with her. You've got job history now... maybe it's possible?

[vous_et_moi]

Aye yeah, he does. I don't know. I'm not tied. Except yeah if I decide enough is enough he'll get about a grand out of me cause I'm the only one who paid the deposit and he'll keep all my shit. I know him too well.

They treat me well with a side dish of sexual harassment. What is this I don't even. There is never just a silver lining, huh? You always have to take that dark cloud. It's not so bad. Meh. Don't know what I'm saying, I'll try to post about it.
Hypnotherapy is going ok I think but I don't have scales so I actually have no idea. I feel I eat less, so that's something?

That's why it hurts so much. And I can't, because I'm not good enough to get a job in London yet. Maybe one day. But if I move there, it would be on my own, because C never wants to live in London.

[beholdhaecceity]

You're beautiful, and worthwhile, and your relationship sounds toxic. Finish college. Get out of it. There is so fucking much that can make you happy in the world, without damaged douchebags playing games with your head. I wish I was there to knock him around until the only game he could play in his own head was pong. It is disgusting behaviour and NOTHING you could possibly have said or done can warrant it. You are not a thing to be taunted and belittled, you are a human worthy of love and respect.

Bodies. Don't. Have. Moral. Values. Bodies. Don't. Have. Moral. Values.

If they did, we'd all be out punching people in wheelchairs.

And if bodies don't have moral values, not exercising isn't a moral failing.

There are only two things you NEED to do.
1. The bare minimum it takes to get by
2. Everything that makes you happy

And like... try to get enough sleep and vitamins.

I miss the fuck out of you and hate to high hell that people who don't appreciate you get to be in your proximity in lieu of me xx

[vous_et_moi]

It's pretty toxic. Sometimes its nice. He thinks I have a dark side that comes out when I've been drinking but really its that I have all this pent up rage when it comes to him that alcohol can't keep the dam up and WHOOSH another screaming, hateful spit of bile rises up and tears us apart.

They do a bit. But I know what you mean, yeah.

Every single day it feels like all I do is work or sit at home, work or sit at home, that's it, over and over and over again. I can't breathe, I'm stagnating. I thought everything was supposed to get better and it never does. Maybe I am just too hard to please. Maybe I'll never be happy and there will always be something just out of my reach. I was happy with him, so happy, when he asked me to marry him I thought the earth would stop spinning. Then that night he put his hand around my throat for the first time and I felt that it had. Bla bla enough, I bore myself.

I miss you too, every day.

[silver_falcon24]

Stop. Dont be blase about anything like that. Please dont joke about that. Please dont let him hurt you, in any way. Just dont. One day you'll be happy, but it's not with Charlie. Not like this. Please, Eddie. Dont stay any longer than you absolutely have to. And dont let him have anything that's not his.
You are worth so much. Dont let him hurt you again.
You wouldn't stand this if it was me, and I wont stand for it with you. There might be a fucking ocean in the way, but I dont care.
Dont stay.
Please.

[silver_falcon24]

When I was there with you, you said that there are bad days, but the good days make up for it tenfold and he made you happier than anyone else. If it's moved to the point where the good days are far less than the bad, and you need them to justify anything at all then you should just move on. I wish that he could have been that little piece that could give you the happy ever after I so wish for you. You'll always be one of my favourite people on this planet and I want so much for you. Please dont stay with him. What he's saying, the fights - they're hurting you and you deserve so much more. I get that he can be wonderful, but no one can save everyone and he's hurting you. He's going to keep hurting you, I think. I wish you all the good things with this new job and the hypnotherapy bit, but dont let him hurt you. You feel too much, Eddie, you always have. If you're saying it here then I can't help but think it's real and so much more than you're saying

[vous_et_moi]

I love you so much my throat is burning and there's stars in my eyes and I feel like I might faint. I wish I still lived with you and you kept me safe and were there to take the gin away when it all got too much, I wish when I'm alone and scared and screaming you were still there to put me to bed and stroke my hair and that is so very selfish of me because I was such a mess, then, I was such a mess and you had to look after me.

But I wish it was still then.