Disability, fandom, and me: Here's your place, live in it, or the VVC storm
Preliminary note: There may be spellos, typos, or screwed up sentences. It's a bad pain day, I'm out of spoons, and I'm just getting this OUT. I need to say it. I may or may not be answering comments, because, well. I am tempted to make this f-locked, or screen comments, but I won't, for now. I'm tired and I'm discouraged, but I'm also feeling silenced. So I'm speaking out. I EXIST. I may be a minority, but I EXIST.
I'm not eager to post about this, but I've decided to anyway. I'm sad. I'm sad and I'm discouraged.
At the moment, I can walk, but not always. It's difficult sometimes. When I went to London, I put the leg under a great deal of strain, despite a lot of care and medical attempts to prevent problems, it flared up. I did not post about this at the time, but it flared to the point where it quit working. This means exactly what it sounds like: the leg would not hold, would not move, and was not willing to bear full weight. I had to let go and just rest, take extra care and medication, and not walk until it was better (fortunately for me, overnight, although it was shaky for a time after). This flare-up was caused by mild tourist activity. I was not climbing mountains, I was wandering through a museum and sitting in a taxi.
In the future, and perhaps now, if I wish to attend things which require standing or moving about a great deal, or take a long flight, or navigating crowds (which places a good deal more stress on it than standing, because I have to move suddenly and without warning) then I will need to use mobility devices. These may include: a cane, a scooter, or a wheelchair. I am not wheelchair savy, nor do I own a wheelchair. I plan to use one the next time I visit a museum, and the museum in question has wheelchairs available, and I have someone I would trust to push me.
If I attended a convention, I would probably need to have a wheelchair at some point, or, if the airplane and fandom gods were kind, a cane.
My fandom tastes are wide ranging, and as my favorite fandom is nearly dead (WK), I like multi-fandom cons best. I don't read much SFF anymore, and while nearly everyone I love attends Wiscon, I was mostly, wistfully, considering whether I might attend a nice, small, friendly con. Enjoy some fandom squee, see some people I care about, have a good time. The bigger the con, the longer the hallways, in my experience, and so I was eying several cons which were smaller. One of the cons I had considered was VVC, since I enjoy watching vids and I like so many of the people in the fandom, and because the talk would likely be about many of the visual things which interest me (the use of colors, for instance, as part of a show). I am not recognized in vid circles, because I watch vids and don't interact on viddish things very much. I do not have the equipment or the experience or the software to create vids, and I don't particularly want to. I'm a watcher, like some people are readers rather than writers. I thought about talking about vidding in my other blogging life, but put it off since I'm hardly an expert and the comics boys wouldn't care anyway. So in vid circles, no one knows me, and I don't matter.
No really. I don't matter.
I'm come to understand this, deeply and profoundly, and it saddens me.
So here's what happened. VVC, Vividcon, posted a preliminary version of their policies. They'd never had policy documents before, and because of my experience in London, I read them rather more closely than I would have otherwise. I had heard about the problematic nature of them banning an ASL interpreter, but I had assumed that this was the one main and only problem. So I read it, not thinking very much, and got a slap in the face. Again and again and again.
Some of the gems included that if a disabled con-goer chose to attend a vidshow and needed space for a mobility device, the concom would need at least half-a-day's notice and could not be held responsible for not moving the chairs any faster than that. Half a day's notice for each show, even though the concom would have known that someone who used mobility devices would be attending the con. Another gem was this: " we're not going to be bitchy about it if your aide brings you to a vidshow or Club Vivid to help you settle in, but we expect that they will not stay to watch vids, participate in panels, eat the food that the con provides, dance at Club Vivid, or otherwise act like a con member". Notice that the concom 'wouldn't be bitchy' if someone needed an aid to help them get settled into their chair before the start of the show, but that said aid was absolutely not allowed to stay and so on. Wouldn't be bitchy if I needed help getting settled into my seat. Why yes, actually, I do. And then sometimes, horror of horrors, I sometimes have to pee, and if my leg is not working, I may need help getting out of my seat. What do you want me to do--pee my pants? (And as for relying on other random people? No. I do not like to be touched by strangers and anyone who has been randomly pushed down the hall by a 'helpful' person will tell you that the experience is terrifying.) There was a long list of things the con could not do and then they explained in detail what they would do in case someone brought an aid under false pretenses and were proven (in an unclear manner--by whom? how? what the hell?) to be fraudulent. In short, it was an ugly description of everything they couldn't possibly do, what a burden helping was, and that they assumed disabled people might be liars and cheats. Nice!
In any case. It was a wretched document with a lot of problems that also included problems in regards to trans folk, those with hearing loss, and those who need warnings for either trauma triggers or migraine/epilepsy triggers.
Some people, as requested by the concom (who asked for feedback), commented. I was one of those people. I expressed some of my concerns and received a pretty (and apparently sincere) apology from elynross, whom I have long held in esteem. Then kate_nepveu suggested that the concom look at the Wiscon accessibility pages and was told, "We're nowhere on the scale of WisCon, nor do we have all of their resources, but we can definitely take a lesson from the language." Ouch.
I'm just going to translate that into blunter language for a moment, with my I've been disabled too long not understand that undercurrents reading-glasses: We don't have the resources to do what Wiscon does, but we'll pretty up the language.
I said as much, received a good, strong apology, and went on to explain the problems as I saw them in greater depth, in the hopes that this would help the concom understand a disability through mobility perspective. That ended rather well and I feel very much that the concom is at least trying. They fucked up badly and then they did work, after some struggling, to make things better. Which is something.
However, I'd like to talk a bit about some other things. One of the repeated cries I heard in the document (the offenses passages are removed, and while I have a screenshot, I have mixed feelings about posting it without permission) and in the comments/replies was this idea that VVC did not have the resources to make the con accessible.
As some other folks pointed out, the resources VVC needed so that there wouldn't need to be a six-hour wait for mobility-device space in a vidshow room? Some tape, a piece of paper, and some sharpie markers. Ouch.
But that is well worth thinking about. Here's a concom full of brilliant, interesting, well-read, well-intentioned folks, but they still are stuck on this idea that there are not the resources to make a con space accessible--even though there are many other communities, including businesses and other cons, that do it all the time. Even though all that is needed is tape, a marker, and a piece of paper.
I'll just pause here briefly, then segue.
So. I complained about several polices, including one that could be solved in such a way. What happened next? A few other concerns were raised, including about the lack of trigger warnings and the trans issues, and then....
People flipped the fuck out.
I now understand much more clearly my place in fandom in particular and VVC in specifics. Here's a fun comment:
"I think that people with 'special needs' (that's the UK official term) have an obligation to balance critical feedback with appreciation of all the positive efforts that are being made, and in this discussion I felt that balance was seriously out of whack."
Get that? If I ask for something, like not being insulted for wanting help to sit down? I need to praise the concom for all the good, wonderful, positive work that they do. And yet so far as I can tell from their document that would be....um, oh here, I know. They allow assistance animals. Sure, that's legally required by ADA in most places, but by god, they did it! GO CONCOM GO.
Here's one for the trans folk: "It's impossible to make everyone feel as welcomed as the next person. That's just how life works. It's sad and it sucks, but that's reality and no amount of trigger warning or bathroom labelling is going to change that."
A BNF speaks out! "There has been public bashing of the con - and it seemed to me to be by people who probably haven't ever attended VVC or even considered VVC. We are a *very* specific subset of fandom, you know - not that many people are even comfortable with our chosen method of expression, much less want to spend a weekend wrapped up and reveling in it. " (Guess yhlee hasn't been to the con, oh wait, he has! Guess I didn't intend to someday attend, oh wait! I did. Guess laurashapiro doesn't attend! Oh wait! And so on.) But no, folks, this is a *very* specific section of fandom! Do you understand yet? *VERY* SPECIAL CLIQUE SPECIFIC SUBSET. Uh-huh. Also? Constructive criticism that was requested? Now considered bashing! Just FYI, folks.
Here's a fascinating thing I found: "We are not a con for a tight clique in which everyone knows everyone. Some people do come often and count on seeing friends there, but each year, about a quarter of our members are coming to their first Vividcon ever. " That's from the much maligned policies. I guess the concom didn't get sisabet's memo. Very specific subset!
I could go on, because there's lot more like it. Stop all this bashing. Won't anyone think of the concom! They work so hard! I want some acknowledgement of how hard it will be to implement any of this! We have limited resources! You can't please everyone! The needs of the many outway the needs of the one! (Oh, yes, seriously, on that last one.)
In short, I now understand things that I did not before.
Congrats, fandom. I now know my place!
I learned all of this because I read a document for a fandom convention that I thought was small and physically and fiscally easy to get to, that was often attended by folks I like, and because I said that their disability policy was such that I would not be able to attend. Holy wank storm, batman.
Do I hate everyone? No. I've learned a lot of other things. Several people known or unknown to me cemented their awesomeness in my eyes for their participation. I found out more about Wiscon's access policies, and while sff is not my primary interest these days, it is a con I would physically be able to attend a little, which is heartening. In fact, I don't hate anyone. I'm angry, but mostly I'm hurt. Sad. Disillusioned.
But mostly?
I found out that me and my bum knee are not welcome. What it takes to make me able to attend a convention is so scary, so threatening, so aweful, that I am not welcome.
That's...a hard lesson. But in some ways, at least now I know. At least I see it in the open. At least I know where I stand. And who stands with me, and who against.
I am editing this with three notes and apologies for not responding to all comments. Also, LJ keeps being random about the notifications. Anyway.
1. Someone commented an anonymous, personal attack on a commenter. I do not tolerate that, and I have replied to the comment. It will remain up for 24 hours, so that the person can see my response. At the moment, I am allowing anonymous commenting, but if it happens again, I'm afraid I'll probably have to go to non-anony for this post. I'm sorry.
2. Please don't send me PMs asking me to stop talking about this. The concom asked for feedback, this is their timing, not mine.
3. On a much, much, MUCH happier note, there are some other excellent posts floating around, with some good concrete suggestions or thoughts on disability and access, and I am so relieved to see them I get teary. *flaps hands vaguely* I'm super-low on spoonage right now, but I think that astolat 's great from scratch disability access to VVC post is pretty cool. She put up floor plans of the hotel, found shuttles that take wheelchairs, and so on. The whole thing is focused on getting the stuff fixed, and it's really cool. The original post is here and the second (!! she needed a second!) is here. She isn't on the concom, it's all unofficial, but it's this great group effort. Anyone who has concrete ideas can jump in. It's very solution-focused, not ideas-driven, and I think it may make some folks who are going this year have an easier time of it, tbh. (It's got tons of experiencial hotel stuff, for one thing, that I would need if I was going, but I wouldn't have anyone to ask about per se.) So, I commend it to your attention!
I'm not eager to post about this, but I've decided to anyway. I'm sad. I'm sad and I'm discouraged.
At the moment, I can walk, but not always. It's difficult sometimes. When I went to London, I put the leg under a great deal of strain, despite a lot of care and medical attempts to prevent problems, it flared up. I did not post about this at the time, but it flared to the point where it quit working. This means exactly what it sounds like: the leg would not hold, would not move, and was not willing to bear full weight. I had to let go and just rest, take extra care and medication, and not walk until it was better (fortunately for me, overnight, although it was shaky for a time after). This flare-up was caused by mild tourist activity. I was not climbing mountains, I was wandering through a museum and sitting in a taxi.
In the future, and perhaps now, if I wish to attend things which require standing or moving about a great deal, or take a long flight, or navigating crowds (which places a good deal more stress on it than standing, because I have to move suddenly and without warning) then I will need to use mobility devices. These may include: a cane, a scooter, or a wheelchair. I am not wheelchair savy, nor do I own a wheelchair. I plan to use one the next time I visit a museum, and the museum in question has wheelchairs available, and I have someone I would trust to push me.
If I attended a convention, I would probably need to have a wheelchair at some point, or, if the airplane and fandom gods were kind, a cane.
My fandom tastes are wide ranging, and as my favorite fandom is nearly dead (WK), I like multi-fandom cons best. I don't read much SFF anymore, and while nearly everyone I love attends Wiscon, I was mostly, wistfully, considering whether I might attend a nice, small, friendly con. Enjoy some fandom squee, see some people I care about, have a good time. The bigger the con, the longer the hallways, in my experience, and so I was eying several cons which were smaller. One of the cons I had considered was VVC, since I enjoy watching vids and I like so many of the people in the fandom, and because the talk would likely be about many of the visual things which interest me (the use of colors, for instance, as part of a show). I am not recognized in vid circles, because I watch vids and don't interact on viddish things very much. I do not have the equipment or the experience or the software to create vids, and I don't particularly want to. I'm a watcher, like some people are readers rather than writers. I thought about talking about vidding in my other blogging life, but put it off since I'm hardly an expert and the comics boys wouldn't care anyway. So in vid circles, no one knows me, and I don't matter.
No really. I don't matter.
I'm come to understand this, deeply and profoundly, and it saddens me.
So here's what happened. VVC, Vividcon, posted a preliminary version of their policies. They'd never had policy documents before, and because of my experience in London, I read them rather more closely than I would have otherwise. I had heard about the problematic nature of them banning an ASL interpreter, but I had assumed that this was the one main and only problem. So I read it, not thinking very much, and got a slap in the face. Again and again and again.
Some of the gems included that if a disabled con-goer chose to attend a vidshow and needed space for a mobility device, the concom would need at least half-a-day's notice and could not be held responsible for not moving the chairs any faster than that. Half a day's notice for each show, even though the concom would have known that someone who used mobility devices would be attending the con. Another gem was this: " we're not going to be bitchy about it if your aide brings you to a vidshow or Club Vivid to help you settle in, but we expect that they will not stay to watch vids, participate in panels, eat the food that the con provides, dance at Club Vivid, or otherwise act like a con member". Notice that the concom 'wouldn't be bitchy' if someone needed an aid to help them get settled into their chair before the start of the show, but that said aid was absolutely not allowed to stay and so on. Wouldn't be bitchy if I needed help getting settled into my seat. Why yes, actually, I do. And then sometimes, horror of horrors, I sometimes have to pee, and if my leg is not working, I may need help getting out of my seat. What do you want me to do--pee my pants? (And as for relying on other random people? No. I do not like to be touched by strangers and anyone who has been randomly pushed down the hall by a 'helpful' person will tell you that the experience is terrifying.) There was a long list of things the con could not do and then they explained in detail what they would do in case someone brought an aid under false pretenses and were proven (in an unclear manner--by whom? how? what the hell?) to be fraudulent. In short, it was an ugly description of everything they couldn't possibly do, what a burden helping was, and that they assumed disabled people might be liars and cheats. Nice!
In any case. It was a wretched document with a lot of problems that also included problems in regards to trans folk, those with hearing loss, and those who need warnings for either trauma triggers or migraine/epilepsy triggers.
Some people, as requested by the concom (who asked for feedback), commented. I was one of those people. I expressed some of my concerns and received a pretty (and apparently sincere) apology from elynross, whom I have long held in esteem. Then kate_nepveu suggested that the concom look at the Wiscon accessibility pages and was told, "We're nowhere on the scale of WisCon, nor do we have all of their resources, but we can definitely take a lesson from the language." Ouch.
I'm just going to translate that into blunter language for a moment, with my I've been disabled too long not understand that undercurrents reading-glasses: We don't have the resources to do what Wiscon does, but we'll pretty up the language.
I said as much, received a good, strong apology, and went on to explain the problems as I saw them in greater depth, in the hopes that this would help the concom understand a disability through mobility perspective. That ended rather well and I feel very much that the concom is at least trying. They fucked up badly and then they did work, after some struggling, to make things better. Which is something.
However, I'd like to talk a bit about some other things. One of the repeated cries I heard in the document (the offenses passages are removed, and while I have a screenshot, I have mixed feelings about posting it without permission) and in the comments/replies was this idea that VVC did not have the resources to make the con accessible.
As some other folks pointed out, the resources VVC needed so that there wouldn't need to be a six-hour wait for mobility-device space in a vidshow room? Some tape, a piece of paper, and some sharpie markers. Ouch.
But that is well worth thinking about. Here's a concom full of brilliant, interesting, well-read, well-intentioned folks, but they still are stuck on this idea that there are not the resources to make a con space accessible--even though there are many other communities, including businesses and other cons, that do it all the time. Even though all that is needed is tape, a marker, and a piece of paper.
I'll just pause here briefly, then segue.
So. I complained about several polices, including one that could be solved in such a way. What happened next? A few other concerns were raised, including about the lack of trigger warnings and the trans issues, and then....
People flipped the fuck out.
I now understand much more clearly my place in fandom in particular and VVC in specifics. Here's a fun comment:
"I think that people with 'special needs' (that's the UK official term) have an obligation to balance critical feedback with appreciation of all the positive efforts that are being made, and in this discussion I felt that balance was seriously out of whack."
Get that? If I ask for something, like not being insulted for wanting help to sit down? I need to praise the concom for all the good, wonderful, positive work that they do. And yet so far as I can tell from their document that would be....um, oh here, I know. They allow assistance animals. Sure, that's legally required by ADA in most places, but by god, they did it! GO CONCOM GO.
Here's one for the trans folk: "It's impossible to make everyone feel as welcomed as the next person. That's just how life works. It's sad and it sucks, but that's reality and no amount of trigger warning or bathroom labelling is going to change that."
A BNF speaks out! "There has been public bashing of the con - and it seemed to me to be by people who probably haven't ever attended VVC or even considered VVC. We are a *very* specific subset of fandom, you know - not that many people are even comfortable with our chosen method of expression, much less want to spend a weekend wrapped up and reveling in it. " (Guess yhlee hasn't been to the con, oh wait, he has! Guess I didn't intend to someday attend, oh wait! I did. Guess laurashapiro doesn't attend! Oh wait! And so on.) But no, folks, this is a *very* specific section of fandom! Do you understand yet? *VERY* SPECIAL CLIQUE SPECIFIC SUBSET. Uh-huh. Also? Constructive criticism that was requested? Now considered bashing! Just FYI, folks.
Here's a fascinating thing I found: "We are not a con for a tight clique in which everyone knows everyone. Some people do come often and count on seeing friends there, but each year, about a quarter of our members are coming to their first Vividcon ever. " That's from the much maligned policies. I guess the concom didn't get sisabet's memo. Very specific subset!
I could go on, because there's lot more like it. Stop all this bashing. Won't anyone think of the concom! They work so hard! I want some acknowledgement of how hard it will be to implement any of this! We have limited resources! You can't please everyone! The needs of the many outway the needs of the one! (Oh, yes, seriously, on that last one.)
In short, I now understand things that I did not before.
- Asking for simple, reasonable accommodation is an act of bashing.
- Every time I ask for simple, reasonable accommodation, I am supposed to praise the person doing the accommodating, no matter what.
- I shouldn't expect to be welcomed.
- Asking for assistance is asking too much.
- Saying that a vid does or doesn't contain migraine-triggering flashing lights will destroy art.
- I'm a chopstick.
Congrats, fandom. I now know my place!
I learned all of this because I read a document for a fandom convention that I thought was small and physically and fiscally easy to get to, that was often attended by folks I like, and because I said that their disability policy was such that I would not be able to attend. Holy wank storm, batman.
Do I hate everyone? No. I've learned a lot of other things. Several people known or unknown to me cemented their awesomeness in my eyes for their participation. I found out more about Wiscon's access policies, and while sff is not my primary interest these days, it is a con I would physically be able to attend a little, which is heartening. In fact, I don't hate anyone. I'm angry, but mostly I'm hurt. Sad. Disillusioned.
But mostly?
I found out that me and my bum knee are not welcome. What it takes to make me able to attend a convention is so scary, so threatening, so aweful, that I am not welcome.
That's...a hard lesson. But in some ways, at least now I know. At least I see it in the open. At least I know where I stand. And who stands with me, and who against.
I am editing this with three notes and apologies for not responding to all comments. Also, LJ keeps being random about the notifications. Anyway.
1. Someone commented an anonymous, personal attack on a commenter. I do not tolerate that, and I have replied to the comment. It will remain up for 24 hours, so that the person can see my response. At the moment, I am allowing anonymous commenting, but if it happens again, I'm afraid I'll probably have to go to non-anony for this post. I'm sorry.
2. Please don't send me PMs asking me to stop talking about this. The concom asked for feedback, this is their timing, not mine.
3. On a much, much, MUCH happier note, there are some other excellent posts floating around, with some good concrete suggestions or thoughts on disability and access, and I am so relieved to see them I get teary. *flaps hands vaguely* I'm super-low on spoonage right now, but I think that astolat 's great from scratch disability access to VVC post is pretty cool. She put up floor plans of the hotel, found shuttles that take wheelchairs, and so on. The whole thing is focused on getting the stuff fixed, and it's really cool. The original post is here and the second (!! she needed a second!) is here. She isn't on the concom, it's all unofficial, but it's this great group effort. Anyone who has concrete ideas can jump in. It's very solution-focused, not ideas-driven, and I think it may make some folks who are going this year have an easier time of it, tbh. (It's got tons of experiencial hotel stuff, for one thing, that I would need if I was going, but I wouldn't have anyone to ask about per se.) So, I commend it to your attention!