the one that got away
The one that got away
The rules have been broken, now everything must stop.
Nichkhun/Wooyoung
angst, r
2,000+ words
+
Wooyoung’s not the least bit surprised when he feels Nichkhun’s urgent kisses all over his mouth, face and neck. This is normal, sneaking on each other late at night to seek for some kind of release. They don’t do it because of love, they only do it because it is necessary- simply because there is too much pressure in being an idol; the endless schedules, the high expectations, the frustrations. They need this as a form of releasing their anger, the tension, the stress. Still, Wooyoung had hoped that Nichkhun would have at least woke him up from his slumber properly instead of assaulting him like this. Wooyoung only groans in response though, blindly cupping Nichkhun’s face with his hands and giving back sloppy kisses to Nichkhun because, damn it, he’s still sleepy and only half-awake. Wooyoung slips his hands under Nichkhun’s shirt and lazily traces random patterns on his skin, tilting his head to the side to give more access of his neck to Nichkhun.
Wooyoung still has his eyes shut, his earphone on and music blasting (a nightly routine to listen to songs to help him get to sleep), sleepiness still overpowering everything else but when he feels something wet dripping on his cheeks, it’s when he finally, actually cares to open his eyes to see.
Wooyoung tugs out the earphone and pulls away from the kiss. “Nichkhun?” He tries to adjust his blurry vision in the dark. Nichkhun doesn’t respond, doesn’t look back at Wooyoung, instead he hurriedly trails his kiss back down to Wooyoung’s neck and collarbone, his hands caressing Wooyoung’s sides before tugging at the hem of Wooyoung’s shirt. “Nichkhun, is everything okay?” Wooyoung tries to stop Nichkhun by grabbing onto his wrists. He does stop, burying his face on Wooyoung’s shoulder. Nichkhun nods his head, both of their breathings are heavy. “Then look at me.”
With great hesitance, Nichkhun lifts his head up and looks at Wooyoung. Nichkhun was probably trying to get rid of the evidence of him crying when he rubbed his face on Wooyoung’s shirt just now, the younger guy muses, but it’s still clearly shown on his face- the glisten of his eyes, the trails on his cheeks, his red nose. It’s funny that Wooyoung can see everything perfectly fine in the dark.
“What’s wrong?” Wooyoung asks, eyebrows frowning with worry.
Nichkhun props himself up with his arms and knees. “Nothing,” he sniffles.
“Nichkhun, that is not nothing,” Wooyoung insists. “Is everything okay?”
Nichkhun nods his head. “Everything is okay, just some nasty thing happened at work today,” he smiles but it looks sickeningly empty and practiced and it doesn’t reach his eyes at all. Wooyoung isn’t very convinced with the answer. “Everything is okay,” Nichkhun repeats, reassuring, but who he’s trying to assure, neither can tell.
“Are you okay?” Wooyoung’s hand is still on Nichkhun’s wrist, and he uses his thumb from his other hand to trace on Nichkhun’s bottom lip.
“I’m okay. Please, no more talks about other things. I just want to be with you,” Nichkhun swallows. Nichkhun has a point. They don’t talk about other things when they’re like this. They’re not allowed to talk about other things. Talking would only lead to them opening themselves up, opening themselves up would lead to them being vulnerable and being vulnerable might lead them to somewhere else. Something else. That’s why most of the time, no words are exchanged in between them, only silent demands, touches of the hands and combination works of the mouth, teeth and tongue. They only have one goal in mind; to make each other reach the level of euphoria as quickly as they can, to satisfy and be satisfied, isn’t this -sex based on lust- what it’s all about anyway?
But Wooyoung has never seen Nichkhun like this before, his eyes never this uncertain, his gaze never sad and painful. “I’m okay, really,” Nichkhun says as if he can read Wooyoung’s mind, leans forward and presses a kiss on Wooyoung’s forehead. Wooyoung finds the action to be weirdly affectionate and it scares him. When did things start to become this emotional, this intimate between them? This can’t be right.
Nichkhun lowers his face so that his lips are only a small gap away from Wooyoung’s. Wooyoung closes his eyes, and he can feel Nichkhun’s warm breath on his face, can feel his eyes on him. Wooyoung trembles slightly, his heart making weird beats and stomach hurting in a funny way. He truly cannot dismiss the weird atmosphere surrounding them. Wooyoung swallows and manages out a whispered, “What’s going on?”
Nichkhun doesn’t answer him. Instead, he takes Wooyoung’s lips into his again, this time gently nibbling and sucking on his lower lip. The kiss is too slow and sweet and perfect, and Nichkhun is kissing him like he really means it. What scares Wooyoung the most is that, Nichkhun probably, really does. How did it come to this? Why isn’t Wooyoung resisting though?
Nichkhun puts his hand on Wooyoung’s nape and pulls him closer, pushing his tongue into Wooyoung’s mouth when the younger guy gasps from surprise by his action. Wooyoung feels dizzy and forgets all thoughts, wrapping his arms around Nichkhun’s middle and roughly presses their bodies together. Nichkhun groans in approval, striping Wooyoung’s shirt off and continuing his kisses down to Wooyoung’s neck and body. Nichkhun needs this, Wooyoung knows. They both need it.
Wooyoung sinks into the mattress from Nichkhun’s weight on top of him. Wooyoung tries to push and roll on top of Nichkhun, but Nichkhun presses him back against the bed. Wooyoung doesn’t know why Nichkhun’s doing all the work- he’s the one in need of comfort, not Wooyoung, but he doesn’t question and only lets Nichkhun do whatever he wants to do. Maybe this is his own way to deal with his frustration tonight and Wooyoung’s not going to stop him. Everything is usually rough and quick, but tonight Nichkhun seems to take his time slowly, as if trying to memorize every contour of Wooyoung’s whole being and trying to savor their moment together. He goes lower and lower, pulling off Wooyoung’s pants, his fingers going up against the insides of Wooyoung’s thighs. Wooyoung doesn’t even bother to suppress his moans when he feels Nichkhun’s mouth around his hardened member, skillful tongue and teeth working their way along his length. Wooyoung’s eyelids slide shut, his fingers digging on Nichkhun’s shoulders. The pace is still too slow- slow enough to make Wooyoung’s brain to register every touch of Nichkhun’s hand and mouth on his skin, enough to make them leave a permanent mark in his mind, enough to make him appreciate the moment when he wasn’t supposed to.
It’s suddenly skin against skin, touches that leave behind burning trails, frictions that make pleasure vibrates all over their bodies. Wooyoung tries not to think, tries not to stare but his half-lidded eyes catch Nichkhun’s gaze anyway- he’s staring, how long had he been staring?, and then there’s that unmistaken glint again- sad, painful, broken. Wooyoung is torn between trying to focus on getting himself off- he’s already near, so near- and trying to be caring and actually show Nichkhun that he’s worried and concerned and What is it? Please, tell me so I can help but then he reaches his high without any warning, his mind goes blank and he can’t think of anything else anymore.
Wooyoung eventually hears Nichkhun’s sobs once he gets his senses back, feels Nichkhun kissing him on his shoulder, hears him murmuring something that sounds like apologies and somewhere along the lines of we can’t do this anymore and we have to stop. Wooyoung wants to ask a lot of things, but he’s too spent and sleep comes to him faster than his mouth can mutter anything out.
+
When Wooyoung wakes up the next morning, the room is still and quiet. The space next to him on the bed is cold and empty and a strange sense of disappointment comes creeping on him. Wooyoung is used to waking up alone and he has never felt something like this before. Or perhaps that’s because all this while he’s always been the one to leave Nichkhun’s bed early in the morning after a night of sex. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t know the feeling of being left behind like this up until now. He wonders how Nichkhun feels when he sees the empty space next to him on his bed.
Wooyoung gets up from the bed and starts dressing himself with the clothes he finds all over the room. He can’t seem to find the shirt he wore last night so he takes whatever shirt he could find in his wardrobe. That’s when he notices the paper folded nicely on his table. He takes it, curious, and reads the message. It’s in Nichkhun’s handwriting, Wooyoung would have recognized it anywhere.
No romantic feeling
No commitments
No getting attached to each other
No falling in love with each other
No one should find out about this
Remember these? It says. Wooyoung frowns.
It’s the rules we made when we started all of…..this. I don’t know if you realized it yet but we have broken our own rules, Wooyoung. All of them.
Wooyoung’s frown deepens and he falls on the chair.
Remember what we said we’d do when any of these is broken?
We’d promised that we would stop.
They found out about us. They don’t understand. It’s either you leave the company or I would. You’ve been training and practicing almost all your life to be a part of this entertainment industry. This is your dream. Although I love what I’m doing, what I have become, this has never been my dream. It’s unfair to make you leave.
So I’m keeping our promise and I’ll put an end to this. I’m sorry I’m doing this through a letter. I’m leaving.
Just in case you‘re confused, yes, I fell in love with you. It was the first rule I broke. But I love you and I’ll tell you again. I love you. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t even think you feel the same way. But I love you and it will never change.
Take care.
Nichkhun.
Wooyoung can feel himself trembling as soon as he finished reading the letter, a lot of things playing in his mind. Chansung comes barging in the room soon after, panic written all over his face but he’s not saying anything and it makes Wooyoung’s mouth dry with anxiety. He doesn’t like this feeling at all.
“What?” he asks, trying to stay calm but his posture is rigid. Chansung gives him the tabloid in his hand, still unable to say anything and Wooyoung rudely snatches it away from him. His eyes scan the paper- everything is Nichkhun, Nichkhun, Nichkhun, his photos at the airport, their fans at the background, big headlines saying “Breaking news: Nichkhun resigns as a member of 2PM!” and suddenly it’s September 8th all over again. Wooyoung feels dizzy.
“What is going on?!” Junho comes in, followed by the other two older members of 2PM. Junsu looks lost, and Taecyeon is arguing with someone on the phone. Junho is raging at everything, demanding for explanation from everyone even though they know none of them have any.
Memories of last night come back to Wooyoung. He remembers every careful touch, remembers every lasting kiss, the moans and whimpers, and then the tears and apologies. Was Nichkhun apologizing for this?
That idiot.
And what does he mean he thinks Wooyoung doesn’t feel the same way like he does? Who is he to decide this kind of thing?
Wooyoung can only stare at the photos, the chaos around him easily ignored. Nichkhun looks weary, apologetic, heartbroken, and Wooyoung can feel his heart breaking apart too.
The shirt Nichkhun is wearing in the photos is too familiar. It’s the shirt Wooyoung wore when he went to bed last night.
Idiot. No one leaves Wooyoung and expects him not to chase after.
I love you.
Wooyoung doesn’t have to think twice. He gets back on his feet, runs out of the place and prays to God he doesn’t believe in that it’s not too late to bring Nichkhun back.
That it’s not too late to tell Nichkhun how he really feels about him.