FIC [JA/JP]: (You Should) Let Me Love You
Title: (You Should) Let Me Love You.
Pairing: Jensen/Jared.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Hurt!Jensen, angst, brief mentions of m/m sex, and references to past mental/physical abuse.
Disclaimer: The boys belong to themselves, I just like to play with them every now and then.
Summary: Jensen's the "be seen, not heard" type. Jared knows that, but he also knows why.
Word Count: 585.
Notes: Title and cut text taken from a Mario song by the same name. I've posted this story before, just about a year ago, but took it down to correct/add to it. So, if it looks familiar, that's why.
Jensen's the "be seen, not heard" type. Jared knows that, but he also knows why. Apparently, it only took Jensen getting slapped down and gagged a couple of times by people ranging from his first boyfriend to his first John before he learned to hold his tongue. It's not something Jared likes to think about, knowing that someone did that to Jensen, his Jensen.
Knowing that he couldn't stop it.
Usually, Jared's okay with just pretending he doesn't know the reason for Jensen's silence. He likes to think it's just more of the mystery that is Jensen. But there are other times, times like these, when Jared's buried balls deep inside of the other man - making love to him - when the silence angers him. When it makes him want to beg and plead Jensen to stop holding back the moans and screams Jared can see him struggling to keep in. It makes him want to kill the people who made him think he has to.
Jared likes to think of himself as a pretty laid back guy, he's sure it's part of the reason he keeps his cool and understands Jensen's hesitance to say much. It doesn't, however, keep him from wanting - fucking needing - to hear the soothing sound of his boyfriend's voice every now and then. Because he does. Need it, that is. More on the bad days than anything. On the days where the urge to pick up the bottle starts winning out on the urge to be here, alive, with Jensen.
Part of him thinks Jensen isn't really here with him, anyway.
It's the same every time they're together like this. Jared'll have Jensen's name on his tongue as his thrusts begin to stutter and he spills inside of him, and Jensen will clamp both his eyes and mouth shut as he comes hot and sticky between their bodies. Jared can never quite fend of that feeling that nags at the back of his mind that tells him the reason Jensen hasn't snapped out of it yet is because he doesn't trust Jared. Is because he still feels the need to be afraid.
"I'm sorry."
It's only afterward, when he's curled into Jared's body, both lax and sated, that the words spill from Jensen's lips, his voice rough like he hasn't used it in days and Jared can't say that that isn't the case. Truth be told, he's gotten tired of keeping track of the days where Jensen actually does talk.
The two simple words are usually the only ones spoken before they fall asleep, because Jared's afraid of what he'll say if he opens his mouth. Don't be. It's okay. Don't worry about. They'd be filthy lies on his tongue, words sure to leave a foul taste in his mouth because it's anything but okay.
But not tonight, because the whole thing is proving to be too much. Jared wants to scream at the top of his lungs, because maybe then he'd get some sort of reaction out of the older man. He wants to shake Jensen until he snaps out the trance he's been in for the past two years. In the end, he just presses his hand to Jensen's heart and whispers into his ear.
"I'm not those guys."
end.