A Blue December
Title: A Blue December
Author: Tigereyes320
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count:
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Veronica and Logan hit a roadblock. Can they get over it?
Spoilers: Future Fic, around 10 years after graduation, so they are both 28-29.
A/N: This is in response to the VM lyric fic Challenge; Lyric from I Hear the Bells by Mike Doughty was ‘It’s snow in New York/Some blue December’ my object was a doll and or dollhouse. Want to thank my great beta phoenixrae
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Logan walked north from Rockefeller Center; he hit west 57th street and got to 5th avenue. Everything reminded him of Veronica, especially when he started heading north on 5th. The bright lights and the laughing were almost a macabre joke to his psyche.
Suddenly he stops and asks himself “What the hell am I doing here?” He’s about to walk on when some blue lights in a window catch his attention.
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Veronica leaned over as best she could and gave her daughter Ava a kiss goodnight. She carefully rose from the bed and made her way to the door of her daughter’s room.
“Mommy?”
“Yes sweetie?”
“Is Daddy coming home soon?” Ava asked her hazel eyes bright with excitement.
“Of course he is baby, he wouldn’t miss Christmas. Go to sleep, I’ll see you in the morning.” Veronica said hoping against hope she wasn’t lying to her daughter. She made her way downstairs and fixed herself a cup of tea.
She took the tea into the living room, where the Christmas tree was set up. Presents were piled high all around it. Her father was sitting on the sofa reading a book, in other words watching every move she made. Veronica lowered herself slowly to the sofa.
“You okay honey?” Keith asked with concern, Veronica had told him what happened and why it seemed to be the catalyst for Logan’s leaving.
“Not really. I may have just lied to my daughter and my son who is due any day may never know his father.”
“I could hunt him down for you.”
“Dad it’s not like he left me high and dry. All the money is still in our accounts. He calls to talk to us almost every day. I just wish I knew what to say to make him come home. I want to know what the hell he is thinking.”
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Logan looked into the brightly lit window of FAO Schwartz. He looked at the huge Victorian style dollhouse in the window. Ava would love it. His baby girl loved her dolls and having tea parties for all he animals. She’d been begging for a dollhouse just like this one for the past 6 months.
Logan saw the family inside it. There was a father, a mother, a little girl, and a little baby, that he assumed was a boy considering the clothes it had on were blue. All of a sudden, he saw Veronica’s blue eyes looking into his with disbelief when he had told her he needed some time away from the family they were trying so hard to create.
<> 3 months ago <>
“Everything looks wonderful Veronica, the baby is well placed. Any discomfort beyond the normal?” The technician was so sweet she should have a warning label attached.
“No, I’ve been feeling good.”
“I know the last time you were here we tried to find out the baby’s sex, but it had its legs closed. Do you want to try again?”
“I don’t know.” Veronica was unsure she liked not knowing. It made it all the more fun to argue with Logan.
“Come on Veronica let’s find out. We’ll know how to decorate the nursery, and picking out a name should be easier.” Logan pleaded using his puppy dog look on her.
Veronica rolled her eyes, “Okay you win, we’ll find out what the baby is.”
The technician moved the wand slowly across Veronica’s swollen abdomen. “Looks like we’ve got a boy.”
Logan looked stunned. “A boy are you sure?”
Veronica was curious, as much as she liked the ultrasound the baby still looked like a blob to her. “How can you tell?”
“You see here’s the head, his arms and his legs and the there is his little.”
“That’s not an arm?” Veronica asked.
“Nope no arms grow in that area of the anatomy.”
“Well honey looks like your boy takes after you already. Honey? Logan?”
Logan snapped out of his stupor. “Sorry sweetie, I zoned out for a moment.”
Veronica shook her head, “He’s probably already planning the color car he’s going to get him for his sixteenth birthday.”
“We’ll see you at your next appointment.” The technician said with a smile.
<> about a month ago <>
It was the end of the day and Veronica was puttering around the huge family room putting Ava’s toys away; while Logan was standing, staring out the window seemingly at the pool in the backyard. “Well we actually have everything done. The nursery is complete; Ava has had her birthday party. Thank goodness, Alicia is insisting on cooking Thanksgiving dinner. “
“That’s nice.”
“Logan what is going on with you? You’ve been moody and short with everyone lately. You actually yelled at Ava yesterday, your little princess, for no reason at all.”
“Veronica I don’t know if I can do this.” Logan said as he turned and sat on the black sectional sofa. He put his head in his hands.
“Do what? I swear are you sure you aren’t the pregnant one and I’m just fat from all the Italian take out I’ve been eating.”
“I don’t know if I can be a father to this baby.”
Veronica stopped what she was doing and sat next to him on the sofa. Logan looked back at her with this expression of pure terror. “Logan what is going on? You’re a wonderful father. Look how incredible you are with Ava. You didn’t have this reaction when I was pregnant with Ava and she was a complete surprise. We said we wanted to give her a baby brother or sister. What happened?”
“It’s a boy Veronica.”
“Most men would be pleased to know they are having a son.”
“My father certainly was, unless I embarrassed him.”
A feeling of unease settled over Veronica as she began to have an idea of why Logan was having this reaction to this baby. “Logan you’re nothing like your father. You adore Ava; you can barely say the word ‘no’ to her.”
“My father never hit Trina either, she was on a pedestal.”
“So just because he didn’t hurt Trina and he did hurt you; you want to give up on us and our family. How exactly does that help anybody?”
“I just need some time Veronica to make sure I’ve got myself in control. I love you, Ava and this baby more than my life. I will not risk me hurting any of you.”
“You don’t think you leaving us is going to hurt us? Ava is not going to understand why all of a sudden you’re gone.”
“I just want some time, right now I can’t think past the fear. Please Veronica; please tell me you can understand my need to be alone right now.”
“I can understand it; I just don’t like it. How am I going to explain this to our two year old daughter? How do I tell her you love her, but that you need to leave?”
“Give me a month or so. I’ll do my best to call and talk to her everyday. I do want our family; we agreed to do this together when you accidentally got pregnant with Ava. You were the one afraid then remember?”
Veronica looked at him. She hated to admit it but she’d been the one who had been terrified during the first pregnancy. In fact, to be perfectly honest, she hadn’t even told him she was pregnant, when she left. Logan hadn’t known if she was coming back. He had generously, given her the time to get through her own immense doubts at being a mother. He had even been willing to offer forgiveness if she had terminated the pregnancy, without telling him about it first, due to her fears. Could she really be mad at him now that he had his own? “Okay. I want it understood that I hate this. There are also some conditions to this alone time.”
“What are they?”
“One, I want a call every day to let me know you’re alive. Two, you must be back in time for Christmas; Ava won’t understand if you aren’t here for that. Three, you must also be here when our son is born; I want him to know you were there. And four, you have until your birthday to make your peace with your past. If you aren’t back home by then, I’m going to assume that our love isn’t enough to keep our family together. Do you agree to the conditions?”
“Yes, I also want you to promise me you’ll let me know if there are any problems with the baby.”
“Okay, but I mean it Logan. If you aren’t back home with us by January 5th, I’ll be making the decision. I won’t live our lives in limbo. I promise I won’t keep the children from you; we’ll have joint custody if it comes to that. I can’t wait for you this time. It isn’t just me who will be affected by this decision. I won’t allow our children to be hurt by this.”
“Veronica I don’t want to hurt you or our children. You know how high the chances are of me becoming like Aaron. I won’t, no I can’t have my son hate me. I want to do the right thing but; I’m still screwing this up aren’t I and after I promised that our lives would be different from our parents’.”
“I’m disappointed but not mad. I’ll be mad if you don’t come home, and you know what happens when I get mad. I guess I thought we were past this because of Ava.”
“I never wanted to disappoint you. I honestly thought I was okay with all of this. I know I’m the one who pushed for having another baby. Please don’t think this is because I don’t love you.”
“That is the one thing I know for sure.”
Logan shook his head slightly and went into the store.
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Veronica woke up suddenly and sat up in her lake of a bed. She felt wide awake so she decided to get up for a little while. She slipped on the pale blue, silk robe that Logan had gotten her for her last birthday, and made her way to the kitchen. She started making a cup of tea. Hoping maybe it would relax her enough so she could go back to sleep.
“You know kiddo; most people do require some sleep.” Veronica said caressing her hugely distended abdomen. “I know. You’re restless because you miss him too. I don’t want you to worry; your daddy loves you very much. Right now, he needs to get past a few things. He’s going to come home soon I know it. And if for some reason he doesn’t mommy will hunt him down and hurt him.”
Her further in utero conversation with her son was cut off as the phone began to ring. She got to the phone as quickly as her body would let her. “Hello?”
“Hi babe.”
“Hi yourself, you must have one heck of a connection with this son of yours.”
“What makes you say that?”
“His kicking woke me up, I was making myself a cup of tea in the hopes it would soothe him so that I can get some sleep.”
“Sorry to be calling so late.”
“It’s okay. Ava told me to tell you she loves you and misses you. Logan, I promised her you’d be here for Christmas.”
“I will be. I won’t break any more promises to either of you. How are you doing?”
“I’m lonely in that huge lake of a bed you insisted we buy. Everything’s fine otherwise. We just miss you. Has the time away helped you at all?”
“It’s made me realize how much I miss you and the kids. I missed being kicked in the stomach or the back by a little foot in the middle of the night. I miss Ava crawling into bed with us in the mornings. I ache to hold you.”
“Then when are you coming home to us?”
“Do you think it’s like a fork in the road?”
“You mean making the decision to hit someone?”
“Yeah, is it a fork, is it a light switch? Veronica if I ever raised my hand to you or our kids I don’t know what I would do.”
“Logan, don’t you realize that you understanding all of this, and knowing that it’s a possibility, makes it less likely for this to happen. Come home baby, please? We can set up a support system for you. You can talk with a therapist; if you feel you’re losing it, you can call Dad, Wallace, or even Dick. They can come over and be with you.”
“Let me think about it. It makes sense what you’re suggesting. So you’re both doing okay?”
“Yeah we’re ok, we’d be better if we had you.”
“Why are you so sure of me?”
“Because you know there potentially could be a problem. Your father, would never in a million years have ever admitted to himself or anyone else that because of what happened to him there was a chance he could become what he did. Besides, there just as much of a chance that I could become an alcoholic. We all have our demons Logan. It just easier to face them when you’re around people who love you.”
“The best thing I ever did was get you back.”
“Which time are we talking about?”
“The first time. The other times were just really loud discussions that meant we needed some space before we could find our way back to each other. Have you decided on a name for junior?”
“Logan Echolls Junior has a nice ring to it.”
“Please don’t do that to the poor kid.”
“What do you want to call him?”
“I would have thought my doing this guaranteed me no naming rights.”
“You doing what you’re doing means, if it’s between what you like and I like, I win. I’d still like your opinion in the naming of our son.”
“What did we have picked out as names if Ava had been a boy?”
“We couldn’t decide for a boy’s name. We were still debating quite loudly, if I remember correctly between Wyatt, Bryce, Cory or Zachary. We had agreed to the middle name of Keith for my Dad.”
“I think we should still do that. I think Wyatt or Zachary sound a little better with Keith as a middle name.”
“I like the sound of both of them. Do you have a preference?”
Logan played around with the names in his head for a moment. “I like Zachary the most.”
“I like it too, so Zachary Keith Echolls it is.” Veronica said with a yawn.
“You should go bed you need your rest.”
“Don’t tell me, tell your son.”
“Fine, I will. Put the phone down by your belly.”
Veronica shook her head but did as he asked. “Okay phone is in position.”
Logan began speaking to the baby. “Now Zack, I know you’re anxious to come out to see us but you need to let your Mommy get some sleep. I’m going to be home soon, son. But you have to be nice to your Mommy.”
The baby had begun moving about at the sound of Logan’s voice, but quickly seemed to calm down.
Veronica lifted the receiver back to her ear. “I don’t know what you said but it seemed to work.”
“Good go get some sleep. I’ll call sometime later today for me, and talk to Ava.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you Logan. We all love you.”
“I love you too Veronica. Kiss Ava for me.” Logan said as he disconnected the call.
Veronica hung up the phone and began to rub her belly, “You need to wait a little while longer Zack, then you can come into the world and your daddy will be here to welcome you into it. He does love you baby. Daddy just needs to realize that he is stronger then he thinks. It may not seem like it, but he thinks he is protecting you. Your daddy’s father wasn’t a kind man, and right now, he’s scared he might turn out like him. We’re just going to have to teach him he can be trusted with you and your sister.”
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Logan picked up his cell as it began to ring, “Hello?”
“Hello Logan.”
“Keith? Are Veronica and Zachary okay?” Logan felt his knees go week at the idea of Veronica being in danger and him being so far away.
“Relax son they’re fine. I’m calling to talk to you. You know I’ve stayed out of the current situation, but now I’m officially butting in. Father-in-law privilege and all of that.”
“Did Veronica say something to you?”
“No this is all on me, she doesn’t even know I’m calling you. How’s New York? Must be pretty there with all the snow.”
“Have you known where I’ve been the entire time I’ve been gone?”
“Of course I have. Logan you’re not just the father of my grandchildren, or my daughter’s husband, you’re a son to me. I keep an eye on my family.”
“I know that. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
“Then why are you making yourself and this family so miserable?”
“How much has Veronica told you?”
“Nothing, but I know you Logan. You’re worried you’ll turn into Aaron.”
Logan was so grateful in that moment that Keith was smarter then even he thought. “Keith this fear is what is getting to me. When I discovered Veronica was pregnant with Ava, I was thrilled. It never entered my mind that I would raise my hand to her or Veronica ever. I’ll even admit that on more then one level I thought I could now finally get a commitment from Veronica. Then she ran away, worried about what I would say, what you would do, or if she would turn out like her mother.”
“You were very understanding about what Veronica was going through. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t come to New York and dragged you back by the scruff of your neck.”
“What was the other reason?”
“I know and understand the reasons behind your actions. Am I wrong in thinking that you think because this baby is a boy, you’ll treat him differently then you do Ava?”
“My father never raised his hand to Trina, just to me. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to Zachary.”
“Logan let me ask you something. Right this minute are you happy?”
“No, I’m in New York, over three thousand miles from the ones I love. I’m miserable without them.”
“If you’re so blue, why are you in New York in the middle of December when your family is waiting for you to come home to them?”
“Keith I’m just-“
“Logan! Do you love my daughter?”
“I love her more then anything.”
“What about your children? Do you love them?”
“They are the best thing I’ve had a hand in creating.”
“Okay, one more question and then I will butt back out. What would your father say to those same questions?”
“I think at one time he loved my mother, and I know he always said he loved Trina and me.”
“But did he show it? Did Trina ever come running up to him ecstatic to see him like Ava does as soon as she knows your home or when you’re on the telephone? Did Lynn feel his love like I know Veronica feels yours?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Exactly Logan, do you think if your father had gotten his girlfriend pregnant he would have gone to her father and told him what happened before the girl even had a chance to tell him. Would he have assured that man, that his intentions were honorable? That even if the man’s daughter never married him, he would make sure that she and the child wanted for nothing.”
“No, if it wasn’t in his best interest he wouldn’t have done anything.”
“Logan, don’t you see how much better a man than your father you actually are? Unless you plan to become a hermit and never see your children again, you can’t make yourself any guarantees. So you set up a safety net, and make sure you have family and friends who love and support you there to make sure you don’t fall.”
“How do I know that will be enough?”
“You don’t. You do the very best you can. That’s all any man or for the matter parent can do. You know Veronica still has her own doubts.”
“Why? She’s a wonderful mother. She’s an amazing wife for that matter, not many women would be as understanding as she’s been about all of this.”
“She’s been where you are. Logan, she’s not invincible, part of her is terrified you won’t come back. It took a lot for her to agree to get married.”
“Agree? Keith are you forgetting that I had to all but blackmail her into doing it. I had to get everyone involved in it.”
“Exactly you got us involved, so get us involved this time. Maybe you could even set up an appointment to see a therapist. One who specializes in adults who were abused as children. Logan I can’t make the decision for you. Just know that we love and miss you, and we want you to come home.”
“I’m almost ready to come home Keith. Right now though, I need to go and call Ava.”
“I’ll see you soon Logan?”
“Very soon Keith.”
“Because if I don’t, I’m afraid I’m going to have to hunt you down and hurt you.”
“I promise you won’t have to do that.”
“I better not Veronica would kill me.”
“Only after she was done killing me.”
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“Hi sweetie.”
“Daddy! Mommy! Daddy calling me. Hi Daddy, are you comin home soon? Did you buy me presents?”
“Yes baby, I’m coming home soon, and yes I got you and Mommy presents, but don’t tell Mommy okay?”
“Okay I won’t tell Mommy you got her present.”
“Are you being a good girl for Mommy?”
“O’course, and Zach kicks me when I talk to him.”
“I’m glad to here that.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes honey?”
“When you bringing your ass home?”
“Avalynne Megan Mars Echolls where did you here such language?”
“I heard Unca Dick and Unca ‘allace talking with Grampa.”
“You don’t use that kind of language. I’ll be having a talk with both of them.”
“I sorry daddy. Does this mean you won’t be coming home?”
“No sweetie, I’m still coming home.”
“When?”
“You sounded just like your Mommy then. I’m not telling you when, it’s a surprise.”
“But I can keep a secret?”
“Like the secret you kept about Mommy’s necklace.”
“I didn’t tell her about it.”
“But you snuck in and wore it so that she found out about it.”
“It was pretty.”
“Ava baby, I love you, but your mother would kill me if I bought you diamonds when you’re two. Maybe on your sweet sixteen we can talk her into it.”
“Oh-tay, Daddy come home soon. I miss you.”
“I miss you too baby. I love you.”
“Love you too Daddy. Bye.”
“Bye.”
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Logan looked out of his hotel suite window, at the beautiful swirling snow falling. New York in the winter was beautiful. If only his mood didn’t match the blue lights decorating the streets below. He really should bring Veronica and Ava next time he came. Veronica loved New York. Maybe next Christmas. . .
“God, I miss Veronica and Ava. I know I’d rather die then hurt them; but what if I turn into my father. What if I don’t, Do I want my children to hate me because I was too scared to stick around? Echolls Veronica won’t wait forever you need to make a decision and you need to make it now.”
Logan turned away from the window and for the first time in weeks felt the peace he had been missing come over him in a wave of understanding.
“I now know what I have to do.”
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Veronica was reclining on the chaise in the family room when she heard rather than saw her daughter arriving. She kept her eyes closed and kept as still as her pregnant body would let her. She soon felt a tiny hand begin to rub her belly in little circles.
“What are you doing Ava?”
“Mommy, you scare me. When Zach come out to play wif me?”
“Hopefully your brother will arrive in about a week, but it could be awhile before he can play with you.”
“’Dat’s oh-tay, Daddy will play wif me.”
“I’m sure he will.”
They both jumped when they heard the buzzer that signaled someone was at the gate.
“Can I get it Mommy?”
“Go ahead.”
Ava skipped to the panel in the wall, she quickly pushed a chair to the wall and crawled on top of it. She pushed the button to speak and said in the most adult sounding voice she had, “How can I help you?”
“Yes ma’am. I have a delivery here for one Avalynne Echolls.”
“Really? I present for me?”
Veronica by now had made her way to the panel, “Could you tell us who it’s from?”
“From a Mr. Logan Echolls.”
“It’s from Daddy!” Ava hollered as she jumped off the chair, and did her own little boogie dance there in the kitchen.
“Come on up.” Veronica said with a shake of her head.
Ava skipped to the front door repeating her chant of, “Presents, presents, presents.” She waited at the door until her mother came to the door; as she knew she’d be in a lot of trouble if she opened the door to a stranger.
Veronica opened the door to the man wearing a brown UPS uniform.
“This is for you to sign, ma’am.”
Veronica signed her name quickly to the electronic pad and handed it back to him.
“Ma’am if you’ll back up. Is it okay if I unlock this second door? It’s kind of wide.”
“Sure.” Veronica was even more puzzled as she stepped back. She watched in amazement as he brought in a box nearly big enough to hold a Volkswagen Bug. “What in the world has your father done?”
“Would you like me to help you open it? I brought a crowbar, normally we would do this but we have a pool going on at the hub to see what exactly is in the box.”
“That would be great thank you. Ava come and stand over here by me. The nice man can’t open it if you’re in the way.”
The delivery guy quickly pried off the front of the box, as the directions on the box told him to open it this way only. When he removed the panel from the box and cleared out the packing debris, he let out a low whistle of appreciation. “I have a little girl myself who would love this.” He then carefully removed from the box a doll house like no other. If there was a pinnacle for doll houses this one was it.
“Mommy look what daddy did.”
“I see it. Do you think you can move it over on to the carpeting?”
“Certainly. Look at that it’s completely furnished and even has a family already living inside of it.”
Ava wasted no time in sitting in front of it and began playing.
“Ma’am?”
“Yes?”
“I thought you should know that family is missing the daddy figure.”
“It is?”
“Yes ma’am. I saw the mother a little girl and a baby but no Daddy and he isn’t in the box.”
“Don’t worry about I’ll take care of it, Do you think you could leave the box just outside the door? My father will come and help us tear it apart.”
“Certainly ma’am, you have a good day now.”
“Thank you so much for your help.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Veronica watched her daughter play with the doll house and tried not to be worried about the idea that Logan was possibly sending them a message. A message that meant he would keep his word, but he wouldn’t be coming home to stay.
When the doorbell rang again, she answered it automatically. When she opened the door no one was there. She took a few steps outside to the porch and still not seeing anyone turned to go back inside.
“Mommy you found him.”
“Found who baby?” Veronica asked as she led Ava back inside the house.
“You found the Daddy.”
Veronica looked down to see that her daughter was indeed holding what would be considered the daddy figurine. She turned on her heel and opened the door again and nearly ran smack dab into Logan’s chest.
“Hi.”
“Hi yourself stranger.”
“So she like her gift?”
“She loves it. What are you doing here Logan? I thought you weren’t going to be home for three more days.”
“I realized something in New York.”
“What was that?”
“That I’m still scared I could turn out like my father. However, I realized that while I could be like him, I would cause my children and my wife more damage if I left then if I stayed and fought for my family. So I guess I have a question for you.”
“What is it?”
“Can I come home and can you forgive me for hurting you?”
“Yes.”
“Is that ‘yes’ to both?”
“Yes, but if you ever even think of putting me through this again, I’ll kill you and there won’t be a jury around that would convict me.”
fin
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Author: Tigereyes320
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count:
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Veronica and Logan hit a roadblock. Can they get over it?
Spoilers: Future Fic, around 10 years after graduation, so they are both 28-29.
A/N: This is in response to the VM lyric fic Challenge; Lyric from I Hear the Bells by Mike Doughty was ‘It’s snow in New York/Some blue December’ my object was a doll and or dollhouse. Want to thank my great beta phoenixrae
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Logan walked north from Rockefeller Center; he hit west 57th street and got to 5th avenue. Everything reminded him of Veronica, especially when he started heading north on 5th. The bright lights and the laughing were almost a macabre joke to his psyche.
Suddenly he stops and asks himself “What the hell am I doing here?” He’s about to walk on when some blue lights in a window catch his attention.
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Veronica leaned over as best she could and gave her daughter Ava a kiss goodnight. She carefully rose from the bed and made her way to the door of her daughter’s room.
“Mommy?”
“Yes sweetie?”
“Is Daddy coming home soon?” Ava asked her hazel eyes bright with excitement.
“Of course he is baby, he wouldn’t miss Christmas. Go to sleep, I’ll see you in the morning.” Veronica said hoping against hope she wasn’t lying to her daughter. She made her way downstairs and fixed herself a cup of tea.
She took the tea into the living room, where the Christmas tree was set up. Presents were piled high all around it. Her father was sitting on the sofa reading a book, in other words watching every move she made. Veronica lowered herself slowly to the sofa.
“You okay honey?” Keith asked with concern, Veronica had told him what happened and why it seemed to be the catalyst for Logan’s leaving.
“Not really. I may have just lied to my daughter and my son who is due any day may never know his father.”
“I could hunt him down for you.”
“Dad it’s not like he left me high and dry. All the money is still in our accounts. He calls to talk to us almost every day. I just wish I knew what to say to make him come home. I want to know what the hell he is thinking.”
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Logan looked into the brightly lit window of FAO Schwartz. He looked at the huge Victorian style dollhouse in the window. Ava would love it. His baby girl loved her dolls and having tea parties for all he animals. She’d been begging for a dollhouse just like this one for the past 6 months.
Logan saw the family inside it. There was a father, a mother, a little girl, and a little baby, that he assumed was a boy considering the clothes it had on were blue. All of a sudden, he saw Veronica’s blue eyes looking into his with disbelief when he had told her he needed some time away from the family they were trying so hard to create.
<> 3 months ago <>
“Everything looks wonderful Veronica, the baby is well placed. Any discomfort beyond the normal?” The technician was so sweet she should have a warning label attached.
“No, I’ve been feeling good.”
“I know the last time you were here we tried to find out the baby’s sex, but it had its legs closed. Do you want to try again?”
“I don’t know.” Veronica was unsure she liked not knowing. It made it all the more fun to argue with Logan.
“Come on Veronica let’s find out. We’ll know how to decorate the nursery, and picking out a name should be easier.” Logan pleaded using his puppy dog look on her.
Veronica rolled her eyes, “Okay you win, we’ll find out what the baby is.”
The technician moved the wand slowly across Veronica’s swollen abdomen. “Looks like we’ve got a boy.”
Logan looked stunned. “A boy are you sure?”
Veronica was curious, as much as she liked the ultrasound the baby still looked like a blob to her. “How can you tell?”
“You see here’s the head, his arms and his legs and the there is his little.”
“That’s not an arm?” Veronica asked.
“Nope no arms grow in that area of the anatomy.”
“Well honey looks like your boy takes after you already. Honey? Logan?”
Logan snapped out of his stupor. “Sorry sweetie, I zoned out for a moment.”
Veronica shook her head, “He’s probably already planning the color car he’s going to get him for his sixteenth birthday.”
“We’ll see you at your next appointment.” The technician said with a smile.
<> about a month ago <>
It was the end of the day and Veronica was puttering around the huge family room putting Ava’s toys away; while Logan was standing, staring out the window seemingly at the pool in the backyard. “Well we actually have everything done. The nursery is complete; Ava has had her birthday party. Thank goodness, Alicia is insisting on cooking Thanksgiving dinner. “
“That’s nice.”
“Logan what is going on with you? You’ve been moody and short with everyone lately. You actually yelled at Ava yesterday, your little princess, for no reason at all.”
“Veronica I don’t know if I can do this.” Logan said as he turned and sat on the black sectional sofa. He put his head in his hands.
“Do what? I swear are you sure you aren’t the pregnant one and I’m just fat from all the Italian take out I’ve been eating.”
“I don’t know if I can be a father to this baby.”
Veronica stopped what she was doing and sat next to him on the sofa. Logan looked back at her with this expression of pure terror. “Logan what is going on? You’re a wonderful father. Look how incredible you are with Ava. You didn’t have this reaction when I was pregnant with Ava and she was a complete surprise. We said we wanted to give her a baby brother or sister. What happened?”
“It’s a boy Veronica.”
“Most men would be pleased to know they are having a son.”
“My father certainly was, unless I embarrassed him.”
A feeling of unease settled over Veronica as she began to have an idea of why Logan was having this reaction to this baby. “Logan you’re nothing like your father. You adore Ava; you can barely say the word ‘no’ to her.”
“My father never hit Trina either, she was on a pedestal.”
“So just because he didn’t hurt Trina and he did hurt you; you want to give up on us and our family. How exactly does that help anybody?”
“I just need some time Veronica to make sure I’ve got myself in control. I love you, Ava and this baby more than my life. I will not risk me hurting any of you.”
“You don’t think you leaving us is going to hurt us? Ava is not going to understand why all of a sudden you’re gone.”
“I just want some time, right now I can’t think past the fear. Please Veronica; please tell me you can understand my need to be alone right now.”
“I can understand it; I just don’t like it. How am I going to explain this to our two year old daughter? How do I tell her you love her, but that you need to leave?”
“Give me a month or so. I’ll do my best to call and talk to her everyday. I do want our family; we agreed to do this together when you accidentally got pregnant with Ava. You were the one afraid then remember?”
Veronica looked at him. She hated to admit it but she’d been the one who had been terrified during the first pregnancy. In fact, to be perfectly honest, she hadn’t even told him she was pregnant, when she left. Logan hadn’t known if she was coming back. He had generously, given her the time to get through her own immense doubts at being a mother. He had even been willing to offer forgiveness if she had terminated the pregnancy, without telling him about it first, due to her fears. Could she really be mad at him now that he had his own? “Okay. I want it understood that I hate this. There are also some conditions to this alone time.”
“What are they?”
“One, I want a call every day to let me know you’re alive. Two, you must be back in time for Christmas; Ava won’t understand if you aren’t here for that. Three, you must also be here when our son is born; I want him to know you were there. And four, you have until your birthday to make your peace with your past. If you aren’t back home by then, I’m going to assume that our love isn’t enough to keep our family together. Do you agree to the conditions?”
“Yes, I also want you to promise me you’ll let me know if there are any problems with the baby.”
“Okay, but I mean it Logan. If you aren’t back home with us by January 5th, I’ll be making the decision. I won’t live our lives in limbo. I promise I won’t keep the children from you; we’ll have joint custody if it comes to that. I can’t wait for you this time. It isn’t just me who will be affected by this decision. I won’t allow our children to be hurt by this.”
“Veronica I don’t want to hurt you or our children. You know how high the chances are of me becoming like Aaron. I won’t, no I can’t have my son hate me. I want to do the right thing but; I’m still screwing this up aren’t I and after I promised that our lives would be different from our parents’.”
“I’m disappointed but not mad. I’ll be mad if you don’t come home, and you know what happens when I get mad. I guess I thought we were past this because of Ava.”
“I never wanted to disappoint you. I honestly thought I was okay with all of this. I know I’m the one who pushed for having another baby. Please don’t think this is because I don’t love you.”
“That is the one thing I know for sure.”
Logan shook his head slightly and went into the store.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Veronica woke up suddenly and sat up in her lake of a bed. She felt wide awake so she decided to get up for a little while. She slipped on the pale blue, silk robe that Logan had gotten her for her last birthday, and made her way to the kitchen. She started making a cup of tea. Hoping maybe it would relax her enough so she could go back to sleep.
“You know kiddo; most people do require some sleep.” Veronica said caressing her hugely distended abdomen. “I know. You’re restless because you miss him too. I don’t want you to worry; your daddy loves you very much. Right now, he needs to get past a few things. He’s going to come home soon I know it. And if for some reason he doesn’t mommy will hunt him down and hurt him.”
Her further in utero conversation with her son was cut off as the phone began to ring. She got to the phone as quickly as her body would let her. “Hello?”
“Hi babe.”
“Hi yourself, you must have one heck of a connection with this son of yours.”
“What makes you say that?”
“His kicking woke me up, I was making myself a cup of tea in the hopes it would soothe him so that I can get some sleep.”
“Sorry to be calling so late.”
“It’s okay. Ava told me to tell you she loves you and misses you. Logan, I promised her you’d be here for Christmas.”
“I will be. I won’t break any more promises to either of you. How are you doing?”
“I’m lonely in that huge lake of a bed you insisted we buy. Everything’s fine otherwise. We just miss you. Has the time away helped you at all?”
“It’s made me realize how much I miss you and the kids. I missed being kicked in the stomach or the back by a little foot in the middle of the night. I miss Ava crawling into bed with us in the mornings. I ache to hold you.”
“Then when are you coming home to us?”
“Do you think it’s like a fork in the road?”
“You mean making the decision to hit someone?”
“Yeah, is it a fork, is it a light switch? Veronica if I ever raised my hand to you or our kids I don’t know what I would do.”
“Logan, don’t you realize that you understanding all of this, and knowing that it’s a possibility, makes it less likely for this to happen. Come home baby, please? We can set up a support system for you. You can talk with a therapist; if you feel you’re losing it, you can call Dad, Wallace, or even Dick. They can come over and be with you.”
“Let me think about it. It makes sense what you’re suggesting. So you’re both doing okay?”
“Yeah we’re ok, we’d be better if we had you.”
“Why are you so sure of me?”
“Because you know there potentially could be a problem. Your father, would never in a million years have ever admitted to himself or anyone else that because of what happened to him there was a chance he could become what he did. Besides, there just as much of a chance that I could become an alcoholic. We all have our demons Logan. It just easier to face them when you’re around people who love you.”
“The best thing I ever did was get you back.”
“Which time are we talking about?”
“The first time. The other times were just really loud discussions that meant we needed some space before we could find our way back to each other. Have you decided on a name for junior?”
“Logan Echolls Junior has a nice ring to it.”
“Please don’t do that to the poor kid.”
“What do you want to call him?”
“I would have thought my doing this guaranteed me no naming rights.”
“You doing what you’re doing means, if it’s between what you like and I like, I win. I’d still like your opinion in the naming of our son.”
“What did we have picked out as names if Ava had been a boy?”
“We couldn’t decide for a boy’s name. We were still debating quite loudly, if I remember correctly between Wyatt, Bryce, Cory or Zachary. We had agreed to the middle name of Keith for my Dad.”
“I think we should still do that. I think Wyatt or Zachary sound a little better with Keith as a middle name.”
“I like the sound of both of them. Do you have a preference?”
Logan played around with the names in his head for a moment. “I like Zachary the most.”
“I like it too, so Zachary Keith Echolls it is.” Veronica said with a yawn.
“You should go bed you need your rest.”
“Don’t tell me, tell your son.”
“Fine, I will. Put the phone down by your belly.”
Veronica shook her head but did as he asked. “Okay phone is in position.”
Logan began speaking to the baby. “Now Zack, I know you’re anxious to come out to see us but you need to let your Mommy get some sleep. I’m going to be home soon, son. But you have to be nice to your Mommy.”
The baby had begun moving about at the sound of Logan’s voice, but quickly seemed to calm down.
Veronica lifted the receiver back to her ear. “I don’t know what you said but it seemed to work.”
“Good go get some sleep. I’ll call sometime later today for me, and talk to Ava.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you Logan. We all love you.”
“I love you too Veronica. Kiss Ava for me.” Logan said as he disconnected the call.
Veronica hung up the phone and began to rub her belly, “You need to wait a little while longer Zack, then you can come into the world and your daddy will be here to welcome you into it. He does love you baby. Daddy just needs to realize that he is stronger then he thinks. It may not seem like it, but he thinks he is protecting you. Your daddy’s father wasn’t a kind man, and right now, he’s scared he might turn out like him. We’re just going to have to teach him he can be trusted with you and your sister.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Logan picked up his cell as it began to ring, “Hello?”
“Hello Logan.”
“Keith? Are Veronica and Zachary okay?” Logan felt his knees go week at the idea of Veronica being in danger and him being so far away.
“Relax son they’re fine. I’m calling to talk to you. You know I’ve stayed out of the current situation, but now I’m officially butting in. Father-in-law privilege and all of that.”
“Did Veronica say something to you?”
“No this is all on me, she doesn’t even know I’m calling you. How’s New York? Must be pretty there with all the snow.”
“Have you known where I’ve been the entire time I’ve been gone?”
“Of course I have. Logan you’re not just the father of my grandchildren, or my daughter’s husband, you’re a son to me. I keep an eye on my family.”
“I know that. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
“Then why are you making yourself and this family so miserable?”
“How much has Veronica told you?”
“Nothing, but I know you Logan. You’re worried you’ll turn into Aaron.”
Logan was so grateful in that moment that Keith was smarter then even he thought. “Keith this fear is what is getting to me. When I discovered Veronica was pregnant with Ava, I was thrilled. It never entered my mind that I would raise my hand to her or Veronica ever. I’ll even admit that on more then one level I thought I could now finally get a commitment from Veronica. Then she ran away, worried about what I would say, what you would do, or if she would turn out like her mother.”
“You were very understanding about what Veronica was going through. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t come to New York and dragged you back by the scruff of your neck.”
“What was the other reason?”
“I know and understand the reasons behind your actions. Am I wrong in thinking that you think because this baby is a boy, you’ll treat him differently then you do Ava?”
“My father never raised his hand to Trina, just to me. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to Zachary.”
“Logan let me ask you something. Right this minute are you happy?”
“No, I’m in New York, over three thousand miles from the ones I love. I’m miserable without them.”
“If you’re so blue, why are you in New York in the middle of December when your family is waiting for you to come home to them?”
“Keith I’m just-“
“Logan! Do you love my daughter?”
“I love her more then anything.”
“What about your children? Do you love them?”
“They are the best thing I’ve had a hand in creating.”
“Okay, one more question and then I will butt back out. What would your father say to those same questions?”
“I think at one time he loved my mother, and I know he always said he loved Trina and me.”
“But did he show it? Did Trina ever come running up to him ecstatic to see him like Ava does as soon as she knows your home or when you’re on the telephone? Did Lynn feel his love like I know Veronica feels yours?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Exactly Logan, do you think if your father had gotten his girlfriend pregnant he would have gone to her father and told him what happened before the girl even had a chance to tell him. Would he have assured that man, that his intentions were honorable? That even if the man’s daughter never married him, he would make sure that she and the child wanted for nothing.”
“No, if it wasn’t in his best interest he wouldn’t have done anything.”
“Logan, don’t you see how much better a man than your father you actually are? Unless you plan to become a hermit and never see your children again, you can’t make yourself any guarantees. So you set up a safety net, and make sure you have family and friends who love and support you there to make sure you don’t fall.”
“How do I know that will be enough?”
“You don’t. You do the very best you can. That’s all any man or for the matter parent can do. You know Veronica still has her own doubts.”
“Why? She’s a wonderful mother. She’s an amazing wife for that matter, not many women would be as understanding as she’s been about all of this.”
“She’s been where you are. Logan, she’s not invincible, part of her is terrified you won’t come back. It took a lot for her to agree to get married.”
“Agree? Keith are you forgetting that I had to all but blackmail her into doing it. I had to get everyone involved in it.”
“Exactly you got us involved, so get us involved this time. Maybe you could even set up an appointment to see a therapist. One who specializes in adults who were abused as children. Logan I can’t make the decision for you. Just know that we love and miss you, and we want you to come home.”
“I’m almost ready to come home Keith. Right now though, I need to go and call Ava.”
“I’ll see you soon Logan?”
“Very soon Keith.”
“Because if I don’t, I’m afraid I’m going to have to hunt you down and hurt you.”
“I promise you won’t have to do that.”
“I better not Veronica would kill me.”
“Only after she was done killing me.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“Hi sweetie.”
“Daddy! Mommy! Daddy calling me. Hi Daddy, are you comin home soon? Did you buy me presents?”
“Yes baby, I’m coming home soon, and yes I got you and Mommy presents, but don’t tell Mommy okay?”
“Okay I won’t tell Mommy you got her present.”
“Are you being a good girl for Mommy?”
“O’course, and Zach kicks me when I talk to him.”
“I’m glad to here that.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes honey?”
“When you bringing your ass home?”
“Avalynne Megan Mars Echolls where did you here such language?”
“I heard Unca Dick and Unca ‘allace talking with Grampa.”
“You don’t use that kind of language. I’ll be having a talk with both of them.”
“I sorry daddy. Does this mean you won’t be coming home?”
“No sweetie, I’m still coming home.”
“When?”
“You sounded just like your Mommy then. I’m not telling you when, it’s a surprise.”
“But I can keep a secret?”
“Like the secret you kept about Mommy’s necklace.”
“I didn’t tell her about it.”
“But you snuck in and wore it so that she found out about it.”
“It was pretty.”
“Ava baby, I love you, but your mother would kill me if I bought you diamonds when you’re two. Maybe on your sweet sixteen we can talk her into it.”
“Oh-tay, Daddy come home soon. I miss you.”
“I miss you too baby. I love you.”
“Love you too Daddy. Bye.”
“Bye.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Logan looked out of his hotel suite window, at the beautiful swirling snow falling. New York in the winter was beautiful. If only his mood didn’t match the blue lights decorating the streets below. He really should bring Veronica and Ava next time he came. Veronica loved New York. Maybe next Christmas. . .
“God, I miss Veronica and Ava. I know I’d rather die then hurt them; but what if I turn into my father. What if I don’t, Do I want my children to hate me because I was too scared to stick around? Echolls Veronica won’t wait forever you need to make a decision and you need to make it now.”
Logan turned away from the window and for the first time in weeks felt the peace he had been missing come over him in a wave of understanding.
“I now know what I have to do.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Veronica was reclining on the chaise in the family room when she heard rather than saw her daughter arriving. She kept her eyes closed and kept as still as her pregnant body would let her. She soon felt a tiny hand begin to rub her belly in little circles.
“What are you doing Ava?”
“Mommy, you scare me. When Zach come out to play wif me?”
“Hopefully your brother will arrive in about a week, but it could be awhile before he can play with you.”
“’Dat’s oh-tay, Daddy will play wif me.”
“I’m sure he will.”
They both jumped when they heard the buzzer that signaled someone was at the gate.
“Can I get it Mommy?”
“Go ahead.”
Ava skipped to the panel in the wall, she quickly pushed a chair to the wall and crawled on top of it. She pushed the button to speak and said in the most adult sounding voice she had, “How can I help you?”
“Yes ma’am. I have a delivery here for one Avalynne Echolls.”
“Really? I present for me?”
Veronica by now had made her way to the panel, “Could you tell us who it’s from?”
“From a Mr. Logan Echolls.”
“It’s from Daddy!” Ava hollered as she jumped off the chair, and did her own little boogie dance there in the kitchen.
“Come on up.” Veronica said with a shake of her head.
Ava skipped to the front door repeating her chant of, “Presents, presents, presents.” She waited at the door until her mother came to the door; as she knew she’d be in a lot of trouble if she opened the door to a stranger.
Veronica opened the door to the man wearing a brown UPS uniform.
“This is for you to sign, ma’am.”
Veronica signed her name quickly to the electronic pad and handed it back to him.
“Ma’am if you’ll back up. Is it okay if I unlock this second door? It’s kind of wide.”
“Sure.” Veronica was even more puzzled as she stepped back. She watched in amazement as he brought in a box nearly big enough to hold a Volkswagen Bug. “What in the world has your father done?”
“Would you like me to help you open it? I brought a crowbar, normally we would do this but we have a pool going on at the hub to see what exactly is in the box.”
“That would be great thank you. Ava come and stand over here by me. The nice man can’t open it if you’re in the way.”
The delivery guy quickly pried off the front of the box, as the directions on the box told him to open it this way only. When he removed the panel from the box and cleared out the packing debris, he let out a low whistle of appreciation. “I have a little girl myself who would love this.” He then carefully removed from the box a doll house like no other. If there was a pinnacle for doll houses this one was it.
“Mommy look what daddy did.”
“I see it. Do you think you can move it over on to the carpeting?”
“Certainly. Look at that it’s completely furnished and even has a family already living inside of it.”
Ava wasted no time in sitting in front of it and began playing.
“Ma’am?”
“Yes?”
“I thought you should know that family is missing the daddy figure.”
“It is?”
“Yes ma’am. I saw the mother a little girl and a baby but no Daddy and he isn’t in the box.”
“Don’t worry about I’ll take care of it, Do you think you could leave the box just outside the door? My father will come and help us tear it apart.”
“Certainly ma’am, you have a good day now.”
“Thank you so much for your help.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Veronica watched her daughter play with the doll house and tried not to be worried about the idea that Logan was possibly sending them a message. A message that meant he would keep his word, but he wouldn’t be coming home to stay.
When the doorbell rang again, she answered it automatically. When she opened the door no one was there. She took a few steps outside to the porch and still not seeing anyone turned to go back inside.
“Mommy you found him.”
“Found who baby?” Veronica asked as she led Ava back inside the house.
“You found the Daddy.”
Veronica looked down to see that her daughter was indeed holding what would be considered the daddy figurine. She turned on her heel and opened the door again and nearly ran smack dab into Logan’s chest.
“Hi.”
“Hi yourself stranger.”
“So she like her gift?”
“She loves it. What are you doing here Logan? I thought you weren’t going to be home for three more days.”
“I realized something in New York.”
“What was that?”
“That I’m still scared I could turn out like my father. However, I realized that while I could be like him, I would cause my children and my wife more damage if I left then if I stayed and fought for my family. So I guess I have a question for you.”
“What is it?”
“Can I come home and can you forgive me for hurting you?”
“Yes.”
“Is that ‘yes’ to both?”
“Yes, but if you ever even think of putting me through this again, I’ll kill you and there won’t be a jury around that would convict me.”
fin
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>