FIC: Dig (R-NC17) 1/? Logan/Veronica
Title: Dig
Disclaimer: The characters of Veronica Mars do not belong to me, I am merely playing with them to fulfill my own wants and needs and hopefully some of yours too. I’ll put them back when I’m done so please don’t sue me.
Rating: Hard R to NC17
Word Count: 2,397
Pairing: L/V
Author’s Note(s): This is either a one-shot or part of a small multi-chapter fic. If I take it any further, I’m going to estimate 3-4 chapters including this one. And yes, I realize this might not be within the scope of S1 Veronica, but I toyed with the character at that point in her life a bit. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but I kind of do so I guess it doesn’t really matter. Title comes from an Incubus song, as do the lyrics at the start of the chapter.
SPOILERS: Should be nothing past S1. Specifically set around the time of the carwash and possibly later at Shelly's party. Which is technically, pre-series I suppose.
Summary: For an embittered moment, Veronica's mind travels back to the memory of a twelve-year-old girl feeling butterflies for maybe the first time as she looked at the confident new kid, leaning against a tree in the park with his eyes trained on her. And then she remembers that those butterflies had been caught and suffocated by the emerging sexuality and curves of her best friend.
DIG 1/?
If I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering
the better part of me.
Sing this song
remind me that we'll always have each other
when everything else is gone.
His breath comes out in hot, moist puffs against her neck and instead of counting the thousands of reasons why it shouldn't be there in the first place, Veronica finds herself relishing the feeling. Committing the feel of it to her memory with every gasp and moan he entices as he pushes his fingers in and out of her.
"This is wrong," her voice is a strangled mix of lust and passion and she barely recognizes the sound of it.
His whispered agreement elicits another moan from her as he begins a slow and circular rhythm with his thumb, the first two fingers of his hand still pushing and pulling making her dizzy and hot. Her breathing is labored and her back arches as the deft motion of his fingers makes her brain start to flicker like a candle.
She isn't sure how they got to this point - his hand shoved down her green pep squad shorts, her hands threading through his hair and pulling - in the back seat of his car. She vaguely remembers the car wash and seeing him there, presumably for Lilly. She barely remembers gathering her courage and walking over to his car to speak with him. He had been upset with her over the whole Yolanda situation, and she couldn't really blame him. Still, she had wanted to apologize.
His eyes linger over Lilly as she apologizes to him for her betrayal, all her courage gathered together and wrapped around her spine. His fingers toy with his lips as he watches his ex-girlfriend wash cars in that provocative way of hers - hips pushed out and gently swaying back and forth like a perfect heart-shaped pendulum, giggling and flirting as though she doesn't have a care in the world.
"Get in." It wasn't a question. It was a demand.
She looks over her shoulder, stealing a glance at Lilly before walking around to the passenger side and sliding in. She isn't sure why she obeys, though she's marginally sure that it has something to do with the tone in his voice. An underlying current of something that makes Veronica feel as though he needs a friend, someone to talk to.
He drives with no clear destination in mind, it seems. Just aimless turning and wind curving around the windshield and onto Veronica's face through the open window. The silence becomes so unbearable for her, and she contemplates throwing her door open and jumping.
"It's over between us, you know." Logan's voice rips through the thick blanket of quietness that has enveloped them inside the X-Terra. It is so unexpected that she jumps.
"I know," she tells him, though by the tone of her voice she seems to think that he's trying to convince himself more than he's informing her.
"I mean it. This is our last breakup, Veronica." He tells her, glancing sideways at her. "I'm done."
She lets his quiet rage wash over her as he continues to rant about Lilly Kane and all of the wrongs that she has done to him throughout their relationship. All she really wants to do is stand strong and let that rage crash against her like rolling waves breaking against a solid rock. But she won't, because she's desperate to prove to him that she is his friend too. Not just Lilly's friend. Not just Veronica Mars - lost in shadow. Eventually those waves subside and soon he's numb and still driving and suddenly she's feeling a sort of solidarity between the two of them. She has her own issues with a certain Kane sibling.
As they walk along the beach, Veronica tries to figure out the best way to broach the topic of Duncan Kane and his abrupt departure from her relationship with him. When the question finally finds its way to her mouth, she's disappointed in his answer. He claims he doesn't know.
From point A to point B, the in-between is hazy and unclear. It's only feverish kisses and wandering hands spurred on by sips from his flask. And as Logan is rolling a condom down his thick shaft, Veronica's mind is wrapped up in how this is so very not her.
She has fleeting thoughts of Lilly as his strong hands grip the smooth tops of her knees and slowly spreading them apart. It gives her ample time to protest and she's shocked by how much she doesn't want to.
For an embittered moment, Veronica's mind travels back to the memory of a twelve-year-old girl feeling butterflies for maybe the first time as she looked at the confident new kid, leaning against a tree in the park with his eyes trained on her. And then she remembers that those butterflies had been caught and suffocated by the emerging sexuality and curves of her best friend.
She wonders how Lilly will react to this moment. Her best friend and her boyfriend, in flagrante behind her back. Because broken up or not, Logan still very much belongs to Lilly Kane, even if Veronica had liked him first.
On some level, she reasons that this is probably only happening because they each have a Kane to scorn. And also, because she is simultaneously trying to feel the rays of Lilly's sun beating down on her.
However the moment that Logan positions himself at her entrance, all thoughts of the siblings Kane slide toward the back of her mind - losing their focus as they get further and further away. She bites her lip and buries her face in the crook of his neck, as much as she can in the cramped quarters of his back seat anyway. He bites her shoulder as he enters her, hard and quick. A searing pain rips through her and she goes stiff with it as she cries out.
He's still for several moments and Veronica thinks that he might have changed his mind. He might pull out of her and end this, but the damage has already been done and in her mind there's no turning back. She begins to relax as his tongue laves the part of the shoulder he bit. She thinks of it as misdirection.
His first few movements are slow and shallow - mixed with a larger amount of pain and just a hint of pleasure that she’d really like to chase. And as the seatbelt digs into her hip, she realizes suddenly that this is not how she had imagined her first time. It was supposed to be flowers and candles and love. It wasn't supposed to be gray upholstery, heat and fogged up windows, and unexpected passion and lust. It wasn't supposed to be punishment for relationships gone awry.
It was supposed to be Duncan's fumbling hands snaking their way up her shirt; not Logan's skillful fingers deftly pulling at her nipples in such a sensual way as his tongue caresses her neck. It's different from how she had pictured it, but no less thrilling - as uncomfortable as it is for her.
He tries to pick up speed, but finds it difficult in their position and his frustration shows through the thrust of his hips. A quick, hard jab that makes Veronica wince. She pushes him backward and he almost assumes that she's ending their encounter. Instead, she locks her legs around his hips and tries as best she can to keep him nestled inside of her as she shifts with him.
Logan arches a surprised brow and her only response is to lean down and kiss him, sliding her tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth. If she's going to do something so drastically out of her norm, she might as well do it big. Her movements are awkward and unsure, until Logan's fingers curl around her hip bones and help her find a rhythm that works for both of them.
She's marginally sure that it isn't the best sex he's ever had, and she doesn't come in the middle or at the end, but it's satisfying none the less and she doesn't entirely regret it. When it's over, in the hot aftermath of their mingled breath and sweat, she simply pulls on her white cotton panties and her green pep squad shorts and she feels . . . different. Something inside of her has shifted and she's sure that things between them will be different now. They've crossed some imaginary line, though she isn't entirely certain that she knows the layout of this new terrain.
The ride home is quiet and she can barely look at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see that he's not looking at her either. He seems lost in his own world and the path he takes to her house is beaten and worn - a route he could travel blindfolded. Still, the lack of focus in his eyes and the distracted way he fingers a spot on his forehead is somewhat off putting.
He seems different now too - unsure of himself and of their relationship. She isn't just anyone. She isn't just another usable girl, available to him during one of the in-betweens that have come to define his relationship with Lilly Kane. She's his friend. She's Veronica Mars.
It’s around ten as he pulls into a subdivision just barely in the 90909 zip code and parks in front of a tan house. It looks exactly the same as all the other mutely colored houses on the street and worlds apart from the houses in his neighborhood.
"Uh, thanks," he says awkwardly, scratching his brow. "You know, for listening. And," he laughs, unable to finish the sentence.
"Yeah," she nods her head, her damp blonde hair falling from her clip as she does so. "Logan?" He can barely look at her, but he seems to force himself to do so. "Whatever happens after tonight, with you and Lilly, can we keep this between us?"
He nods his head, knowing full well that while Lilly would eventually forgive him for this indiscretion, she would never forgive Veronica for it. And Duncan, god, the guilt is already starting to eat away at him. He feels grimy and dirty and like every hurtful name his father ever threw at him because lord help him, he enjoyed himself while fucking his best friend's girl. Because no matter what Duncan Kane says, Logan has a sneaking suspicion that his friend still loves the tiny blonde that he'd just been inside.
"It's our little secret."
He winks at her for good measure as she leans over the center counsel to place a chaste kiss against his cheek. It seems out of place, given everywhere his fingers and other parts of his body have just been.
“Goodnight.” She doesn’t mean for it to sound so sultry, but to her own ears it sounds very much like an invitation.
The hitch in his breath indicates that maybe he does too. “Goodnight, Veronica.”
She watches him lick his lips, a slow blush creeping into her cheeks, before ducking her head and sliding out of the brightly colored SUV. Trying to regain her composure, Veronica forced a light, carefree smile on her face. “See you tomorrow.”
When she reaches the front door, she wants to turn around and look at him. Instead she quickly pulls out her keys and lets herself inside. Her father is gone - most likely working - and her mother is probably in bed. She’s hoping she can just sneak in and climb into the shower, suddenly eager to wash this girl who betrays people away.
“Veronica?” Her mother’s voice startles her as she enters the house. “Where have you been, sweetheart?”
Lianne grabs her and envelopes her in a fiercely maternal hug, stroking her disheveled hair and mumbling something that Veronica can’t quite understand.
“Hi, Mom.” Veronica manages to choke out a surprised greeting, quickly smoothing her hair and hoping beyond hope that her mother can’t see or smell sex on her. “What are you doing up? I thought you’d be in bed.”
“Veronica, your father and I were so worried about you.” Relief soaks through every sort of slurred syllable of Lianne’s words as she takes Veronica’s hands and leads her to the couch. “Something’s happened.”
Instantly, Veronica is alert. “Dad? What happened to dad?”
Lianne’s eyes are sad and her hands are shaking. Veronica can’t be sure but she thinks she smells the faint scent of alcohol on her mother’s breath. “Baby,” she says softly as she strokes Veronica’s hair, “It isn’t your father. It’s Lilly.”
Veronica’s heart is slamming in her chest and creeping its way up her throat. Did Lilly already know? Had she done something horrible in retaliation? Veronica can only plead with her mother. “Mom, please.”
“There was an accident, sweetie.” Lianne is crying freely now and Veronica feels tears slipping from her eyes. “Lilly is dead, baby. She’s gone.”
Disclaimer: The characters of Veronica Mars do not belong to me, I am merely playing with them to fulfill my own wants and needs and hopefully some of yours too. I’ll put them back when I’m done so please don’t sue me.
Rating: Hard R to NC17
Word Count: 2,397
Pairing: L/V
Author’s Note(s): This is either a one-shot or part of a small multi-chapter fic. If I take it any further, I’m going to estimate 3-4 chapters including this one. And yes, I realize this might not be within the scope of S1 Veronica, but I toyed with the character at that point in her life a bit. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but I kind of do so I guess it doesn’t really matter. Title comes from an Incubus song, as do the lyrics at the start of the chapter.
SPOILERS: Should be nothing past S1. Specifically set around the time of the carwash and possibly later at Shelly's party. Which is technically, pre-series I suppose.
Summary: For an embittered moment, Veronica's mind travels back to the memory of a twelve-year-old girl feeling butterflies for maybe the first time as she looked at the confident new kid, leaning against a tree in the park with his eyes trained on her. And then she remembers that those butterflies had been caught and suffocated by the emerging sexuality and curves of her best friend.
DIG 1/?
If I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering
the better part of me.
Sing this song
remind me that we'll always have each other
when everything else is gone.
His breath comes out in hot, moist puffs against her neck and instead of counting the thousands of reasons why it shouldn't be there in the first place, Veronica finds herself relishing the feeling. Committing the feel of it to her memory with every gasp and moan he entices as he pushes his fingers in and out of her.
"This is wrong," her voice is a strangled mix of lust and passion and she barely recognizes the sound of it.
His whispered agreement elicits another moan from her as he begins a slow and circular rhythm with his thumb, the first two fingers of his hand still pushing and pulling making her dizzy and hot. Her breathing is labored and her back arches as the deft motion of his fingers makes her brain start to flicker like a candle.
She isn't sure how they got to this point - his hand shoved down her green pep squad shorts, her hands threading through his hair and pulling - in the back seat of his car. She vaguely remembers the car wash and seeing him there, presumably for Lilly. She barely remembers gathering her courage and walking over to his car to speak with him. He had been upset with her over the whole Yolanda situation, and she couldn't really blame him. Still, she had wanted to apologize.
His eyes linger over Lilly as she apologizes to him for her betrayal, all her courage gathered together and wrapped around her spine. His fingers toy with his lips as he watches his ex-girlfriend wash cars in that provocative way of hers - hips pushed out and gently swaying back and forth like a perfect heart-shaped pendulum, giggling and flirting as though she doesn't have a care in the world.
"Get in." It wasn't a question. It was a demand.
She looks over her shoulder, stealing a glance at Lilly before walking around to the passenger side and sliding in. She isn't sure why she obeys, though she's marginally sure that it has something to do with the tone in his voice. An underlying current of something that makes Veronica feel as though he needs a friend, someone to talk to.
He drives with no clear destination in mind, it seems. Just aimless turning and wind curving around the windshield and onto Veronica's face through the open window. The silence becomes so unbearable for her, and she contemplates throwing her door open and jumping.
"It's over between us, you know." Logan's voice rips through the thick blanket of quietness that has enveloped them inside the X-Terra. It is so unexpected that she jumps.
"I know," she tells him, though by the tone of her voice she seems to think that he's trying to convince himself more than he's informing her.
"I mean it. This is our last breakup, Veronica." He tells her, glancing sideways at her. "I'm done."
She lets his quiet rage wash over her as he continues to rant about Lilly Kane and all of the wrongs that she has done to him throughout their relationship. All she really wants to do is stand strong and let that rage crash against her like rolling waves breaking against a solid rock. But she won't, because she's desperate to prove to him that she is his friend too. Not just Lilly's friend. Not just Veronica Mars - lost in shadow. Eventually those waves subside and soon he's numb and still driving and suddenly she's feeling a sort of solidarity between the two of them. She has her own issues with a certain Kane sibling.
As they walk along the beach, Veronica tries to figure out the best way to broach the topic of Duncan Kane and his abrupt departure from her relationship with him. When the question finally finds its way to her mouth, she's disappointed in his answer. He claims he doesn't know.
From point A to point B, the in-between is hazy and unclear. It's only feverish kisses and wandering hands spurred on by sips from his flask. And as Logan is rolling a condom down his thick shaft, Veronica's mind is wrapped up in how this is so very not her.
She has fleeting thoughts of Lilly as his strong hands grip the smooth tops of her knees and slowly spreading them apart. It gives her ample time to protest and she's shocked by how much she doesn't want to.
For an embittered moment, Veronica's mind travels back to the memory of a twelve-year-old girl feeling butterflies for maybe the first time as she looked at the confident new kid, leaning against a tree in the park with his eyes trained on her. And then she remembers that those butterflies had been caught and suffocated by the emerging sexuality and curves of her best friend.
She wonders how Lilly will react to this moment. Her best friend and her boyfriend, in flagrante behind her back. Because broken up or not, Logan still very much belongs to Lilly Kane, even if Veronica had liked him first.
On some level, she reasons that this is probably only happening because they each have a Kane to scorn. And also, because she is simultaneously trying to feel the rays of Lilly's sun beating down on her.
However the moment that Logan positions himself at her entrance, all thoughts of the siblings Kane slide toward the back of her mind - losing their focus as they get further and further away. She bites her lip and buries her face in the crook of his neck, as much as she can in the cramped quarters of his back seat anyway. He bites her shoulder as he enters her, hard and quick. A searing pain rips through her and she goes stiff with it as she cries out.
He's still for several moments and Veronica thinks that he might have changed his mind. He might pull out of her and end this, but the damage has already been done and in her mind there's no turning back. She begins to relax as his tongue laves the part of the shoulder he bit. She thinks of it as misdirection.
His first few movements are slow and shallow - mixed with a larger amount of pain and just a hint of pleasure that she’d really like to chase. And as the seatbelt digs into her hip, she realizes suddenly that this is not how she had imagined her first time. It was supposed to be flowers and candles and love. It wasn't supposed to be gray upholstery, heat and fogged up windows, and unexpected passion and lust. It wasn't supposed to be punishment for relationships gone awry.
It was supposed to be Duncan's fumbling hands snaking their way up her shirt; not Logan's skillful fingers deftly pulling at her nipples in such a sensual way as his tongue caresses her neck. It's different from how she had pictured it, but no less thrilling - as uncomfortable as it is for her.
He tries to pick up speed, but finds it difficult in their position and his frustration shows through the thrust of his hips. A quick, hard jab that makes Veronica wince. She pushes him backward and he almost assumes that she's ending their encounter. Instead, she locks her legs around his hips and tries as best she can to keep him nestled inside of her as she shifts with him.
Logan arches a surprised brow and her only response is to lean down and kiss him, sliding her tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth. If she's going to do something so drastically out of her norm, she might as well do it big. Her movements are awkward and unsure, until Logan's fingers curl around her hip bones and help her find a rhythm that works for both of them.
She's marginally sure that it isn't the best sex he's ever had, and she doesn't come in the middle or at the end, but it's satisfying none the less and she doesn't entirely regret it. When it's over, in the hot aftermath of their mingled breath and sweat, she simply pulls on her white cotton panties and her green pep squad shorts and she feels . . . different. Something inside of her has shifted and she's sure that things between them will be different now. They've crossed some imaginary line, though she isn't entirely certain that she knows the layout of this new terrain.
The ride home is quiet and she can barely look at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see that he's not looking at her either. He seems lost in his own world and the path he takes to her house is beaten and worn - a route he could travel blindfolded. Still, the lack of focus in his eyes and the distracted way he fingers a spot on his forehead is somewhat off putting.
He seems different now too - unsure of himself and of their relationship. She isn't just anyone. She isn't just another usable girl, available to him during one of the in-betweens that have come to define his relationship with Lilly Kane. She's his friend. She's Veronica Mars.
It’s around ten as he pulls into a subdivision just barely in the 90909 zip code and parks in front of a tan house. It looks exactly the same as all the other mutely colored houses on the street and worlds apart from the houses in his neighborhood.
"Uh, thanks," he says awkwardly, scratching his brow. "You know, for listening. And," he laughs, unable to finish the sentence.
"Yeah," she nods her head, her damp blonde hair falling from her clip as she does so. "Logan?" He can barely look at her, but he seems to force himself to do so. "Whatever happens after tonight, with you and Lilly, can we keep this between us?"
He nods his head, knowing full well that while Lilly would eventually forgive him for this indiscretion, she would never forgive Veronica for it. And Duncan, god, the guilt is already starting to eat away at him. He feels grimy and dirty and like every hurtful name his father ever threw at him because lord help him, he enjoyed himself while fucking his best friend's girl. Because no matter what Duncan Kane says, Logan has a sneaking suspicion that his friend still loves the tiny blonde that he'd just been inside.
"It's our little secret."
He winks at her for good measure as she leans over the center counsel to place a chaste kiss against his cheek. It seems out of place, given everywhere his fingers and other parts of his body have just been.
“Goodnight.” She doesn’t mean for it to sound so sultry, but to her own ears it sounds very much like an invitation.
The hitch in his breath indicates that maybe he does too. “Goodnight, Veronica.”
She watches him lick his lips, a slow blush creeping into her cheeks, before ducking her head and sliding out of the brightly colored SUV. Trying to regain her composure, Veronica forced a light, carefree smile on her face. “See you tomorrow.”
When she reaches the front door, she wants to turn around and look at him. Instead she quickly pulls out her keys and lets herself inside. Her father is gone - most likely working - and her mother is probably in bed. She’s hoping she can just sneak in and climb into the shower, suddenly eager to wash this girl who betrays people away.
“Veronica?” Her mother’s voice startles her as she enters the house. “Where have you been, sweetheart?”
Lianne grabs her and envelopes her in a fiercely maternal hug, stroking her disheveled hair and mumbling something that Veronica can’t quite understand.
“Hi, Mom.” Veronica manages to choke out a surprised greeting, quickly smoothing her hair and hoping beyond hope that her mother can’t see or smell sex on her. “What are you doing up? I thought you’d be in bed.”
“Veronica, your father and I were so worried about you.” Relief soaks through every sort of slurred syllable of Lianne’s words as she takes Veronica’s hands and leads her to the couch. “Something’s happened.”
Instantly, Veronica is alert. “Dad? What happened to dad?”
Lianne’s eyes are sad and her hands are shaking. Veronica can’t be sure but she thinks she smells the faint scent of alcohol on her mother’s breath. “Baby,” she says softly as she strokes Veronica’s hair, “It isn’t your father. It’s Lilly.”
Veronica’s heart is slamming in her chest and creeping its way up her throat. Did Lilly already know? Had she done something horrible in retaliation? Veronica can only plead with her mother. “Mom, please.”
“There was an accident, sweetie.” Lianne is crying freely now and Veronica feels tears slipping from her eyes. “Lilly is dead, baby. She’s gone.”