TITLE: TILL DEATH DO US PART...part 2
TITLE: TILL DEATH DO US PART...part 2
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...'.
That story can be found on my livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/13102.html
A loud knocking at the door pulled Ennis out of the bathroom and walking across the room out of nothing but habit. Someone knocked on your door, you answered it. However, when the cold of the brass knob pressed against his palm, he hesitated.
He didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to talk to anyone. No one except Jack, and there wasn't a damn bit of hope that it would be Jack standing on the other side of that door.
Another series of raps on the door sparked some life, and Ennis squeezed the knob and twisted it, yanking the door open with a bitterly barked, "What'd'ya want?"
The old man on the walkway barely blinked at the harsh outburst. "Wanna talk ta ya."
"Room's paid up," Ennis mumbled, recognizing the motel's office manager.
"Ain't 'bout the room, Boy," the old man snapped, before his expression and voice took on a world of pain. "Gotta talk ta ya 'bout Jack."
A huge intake of air kept his lungs from collapsing, or so it felt like to Ennis. Talking about Jack was worse than thinking about him - everything seemed to drive home the fact that Jack was gone. Through the incessant pain of that harsh reality, Ennis found some anger.
"What the hell ya know 'bout Jack?"
The old man slumped lower than his normal old-age stoop. "Told 'em stuff. Stuff that scared 'im. 'is last days with ya shouldn't a been that way."
In the old man's words, Ennis' heart actually found some hope that there had been another reason for Jack's uncharacteristic withdrawn moments. Something other than Jack not wanting to be with him anymore. Of course, he also found some protective anger, too.
"I'll kill ya if ya hurt 'im," Ennis growled.
The gray-haired head lifted and dark green eyes flashed behind the lens of wire-rimed glasses. "I ain't said nothin' but the truth. Might shouldna said 'em, but I tell ya what, Boy, yer the only one that's been hurtin' Jack!"
"Ya don't know what the fuck yer talkin' about, Old Man!" Ennis slammed the door and then had to brace his arms against the wall to keep from falling over.
The old man's words had hit too close to home. It *was* his fault that Jack had been hurt. It was his brother that had instigated the beating back in Riverton, and he was the one who rejected those Jack's pleas as they were parting ways only a few months ago.
'You gonna do this again next summer?'
'I'll go up ta my daddy's place. Give 'im a hand through the winter.'
'I might be back, if the Army don't get me.'
Having thought back over that parting more than enough times during the last few days, Ennis could see it in a whole new light. Jack was too proud a man to beg, but his feelings were made clear enough. Jack had even made sure that Ennis knew where to look for him, too, if he had been willing to try. Instead, he had gone along with his life as if he had never met Jack.
'Damn. Ya sure do clean up real good, del Mar.'
It seemed like a lifetime ago that Jack had appeared out of nowhere to save him 'from makin' the worst mistake a yer life.' Even after he had felt Jack's body pressing against his, had kissed Jack and felt the stirrings in his pants and even higher up, he had still been willing to stand in front of God and everyone and say his vows to a woman who never could have given him any of what he needed, body or soul.
'I ain't queer.'
'I ain't neither.'
"Fuckin' hell ya wasn't, Jack Twist."
Ennis turned and walked into the bathroom, striped out of his clothes and turned on the shower. He wanted to wash away more than just the dirt on his body, but his mind had other ideas. The next thing he knew that annoying voice in his head was talking at him again.
'Jack knew he was queer before he stuck your hand on his pecker.'
A huge glob of soap splattered on the wall as Ennis' bathing turned as harsh as his thoughts.
'Jack knew you would have shut him out if he told you the truth.'
This time it was the wash rag that hit the wall, and it was not mistake.
'*You* went to him that next night. *You* wanted him in that way that makes a man queer. *You* lied, too.'
Ennis sank to his knees, ignoring the bar of soap that slipped from his fingers and landed on the recently tossed wash rag. "I ain't queer," he groaned.
'*You* sucked Jack's dick, and you liked it mighty fine.'
The tears fell, lost in the cascading water from above, but no less real. "I ain't queer."
The taunting tenor of the voice in his head turned soft and sympathetic. 'Yes, you are. And Jack loves you.'
"Jack! Cain't be queer! Cain't..." Fists pounded against the bottom of the tub in a harsh cadence of denial, only to lessen under the weight of an unfamiliar sense of defeat. "I need ya, Jack. Please come back. I..."
As much as he wanted to say more, he wanted to take back what had already been said. Climbing to his feet, he didn't even bother to dry off before he stumbled out of the tub and into the other room and collapsed on the bed.
"Cain't luv Jack."
*** *** *** ***
Ennis paused outside the big glass doors. He needed some groceries, something to eat besides beer and whiskey, but he didn't want to enter the small grocery store. Inside he was sure to come across Mr. or Mrs. Fleishman. He wasn't ready to face anyone who knew Jack, too.
"Ennis?"
Startled, Ennis looked up from the floor and into the warm brown eyes of the best cook he had met since his mamma died. "Ma'am." He glanced nervously as the glass doors opened for a customer and her bags. "Jus' need ta pick up a few things," he said self-consciously.
The tears in her eyes spoke of a shared pain. "Jack called us last night."
For a small woman, her words packed more of a punch than the biggest barroom drunk Ennis had ever met. Despite himself, his mouth went into Jack-mode. "He okay?"
She nodded, reaching out to touch his forearm. "He asked about you."
"Thelma!" A man's voice called out from inside the store.
"That's Elmer," she said with an indulgent smile that seemed to come as natural as breathing. "Why don't you come into the office and I'll tell you about Jack's call."
Ennis nodded, and followed as she led the way inside. In a matter of seconds he had gone from dreading this moment to craving it. He had spent the day refusing to think about his break down of the night before, but now he needed to hear about Jack.
"Thelma-" Elmer's face lit up as soon as he emerged from aisle four, a sack of flour in one hand - flour belonged on aisle six - and a package of hamburger meat - there were no meat coolers in aisle four - in the other. "Hello, Ennis. Good to see you."
"Sir," Ennis nodded, feeling the swell of self-consciousness rising inside again.
Elmer handed his wife the package of hamburger meat. "Would you put this in the back of the freezer case on your way back to the office? I'm not sure how long it was sitting with the coffee."
"Sure, Honey. We'll take it home and I'll fry it up for the dogs."
Keeping his silence, Ennis followed Thelma through the store towards the far back corner, where he assumed the office was located. The way she and her husband interacted - Elmer just knowing that she was taking him back to the office to talk - reminded him of how Jack sometimes seemed to know what he was thinking even before he said anything.
'Love works that way,' the little voice said from the back of his mind.
Ennis was still clinging to the idea that Jack's written declaration or love was just a reaction to being scared about going off to war, but his grip was getting weaker. Too much thinking about how things were between them up on Brokeback, of Jack busting up his wedding, and now, seeing Jack's actions mirrored in the actions of a couple that there was no doubt shared a good kind of love. .
"Jack sounded good," Thelma said as soon as she closed the door behind them. "Scared, but good."
After swallowing the lump in his throat, Ennis nodded, then spoke. "Left me a letter sayin' as much. He say where he was?"
Thelma leaned against the edge of the desk and suddenly her eyes were full of tears. "He was still at the Army post in Colorado Springs when he called, finishing up the physical and some kind of evaluation process, but he said that he'd be heading out first of the week for Fort Jackson in South Carolina. That's where he's going for his basic training."
Ennis' heart sank. South Carolina. That sounded so far away, but it was still a whole lot closer than Vietnam.
"Jack only had a few minutes to talk, but he asked about you. Wanted to know if we had seen you since he left. If you were all right."
Another lump formed in Ennis' throat, only this one tasted bitter. Jack had no business talking to anyone like that, all but telling them about...about the feelings that were between them.
"Ennis."
The warm voice had turned cool, and when he looked up, those soft brown eyes were not as soft anymore.
"I lied to Jack," Thelma said firmly, but with more disappointment than anger in her voice. "I told him that I had seen you in the store, but I was talking to Bertha Mae and you got out the door and drove away before I could say 'hello'. Told him that you looked well."
"Why?" Ennis asked before he could stop himself.
"Because Jack needed to hear it," Thelma sighed. "I won't lie to him again, Ennis. Hated doing it once, but he sounded so desperate to hear that you were still around. You're here now, so I reckon I can tell myself that I just spoke a bit prematurely on that point, but..." At this point her expression and tone become sympathetic and caring, "Ennis, you need to start taking better care of yourself. You look like you haven't slept in days, and I swear you've lost some weight since you was at our house for New Year's. Jack's worried-"
"I ain't nothin' ta Jack fer him ta be worrin' about me!"
Ennis was out the office door, through the store, in the truck and halfway down the highway out of town before he stopped long enough to take a deep breath. They knew about him and Jack. Sure as shooting if the missis knew, so did her husband. Now, he didn't have no choice but to get the hell out of there. Would have to quite a good job, and find another place to live. Jack and his fucking big mouth.
TBC...
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...'.
That story can be found on my livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/13102.html
A loud knocking at the door pulled Ennis out of the bathroom and walking across the room out of nothing but habit. Someone knocked on your door, you answered it. However, when the cold of the brass knob pressed against his palm, he hesitated.
He didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to talk to anyone. No one except Jack, and there wasn't a damn bit of hope that it would be Jack standing on the other side of that door.
Another series of raps on the door sparked some life, and Ennis squeezed the knob and twisted it, yanking the door open with a bitterly barked, "What'd'ya want?"
The old man on the walkway barely blinked at the harsh outburst. "Wanna talk ta ya."
"Room's paid up," Ennis mumbled, recognizing the motel's office manager.
"Ain't 'bout the room, Boy," the old man snapped, before his expression and voice took on a world of pain. "Gotta talk ta ya 'bout Jack."
A huge intake of air kept his lungs from collapsing, or so it felt like to Ennis. Talking about Jack was worse than thinking about him - everything seemed to drive home the fact that Jack was gone. Through the incessant pain of that harsh reality, Ennis found some anger.
"What the hell ya know 'bout Jack?"
The old man slumped lower than his normal old-age stoop. "Told 'em stuff. Stuff that scared 'im. 'is last days with ya shouldn't a been that way."
In the old man's words, Ennis' heart actually found some hope that there had been another reason for Jack's uncharacteristic withdrawn moments. Something other than Jack not wanting to be with him anymore. Of course, he also found some protective anger, too.
"I'll kill ya if ya hurt 'im," Ennis growled.
The gray-haired head lifted and dark green eyes flashed behind the lens of wire-rimed glasses. "I ain't said nothin' but the truth. Might shouldna said 'em, but I tell ya what, Boy, yer the only one that's been hurtin' Jack!"
"Ya don't know what the fuck yer talkin' about, Old Man!" Ennis slammed the door and then had to brace his arms against the wall to keep from falling over.
The old man's words had hit too close to home. It *was* his fault that Jack had been hurt. It was his brother that had instigated the beating back in Riverton, and he was the one who rejected those Jack's pleas as they were parting ways only a few months ago.
'You gonna do this again next summer?'
'I'll go up ta my daddy's place. Give 'im a hand through the winter.'
'I might be back, if the Army don't get me.'
Having thought back over that parting more than enough times during the last few days, Ennis could see it in a whole new light. Jack was too proud a man to beg, but his feelings were made clear enough. Jack had even made sure that Ennis knew where to look for him, too, if he had been willing to try. Instead, he had gone along with his life as if he had never met Jack.
'Damn. Ya sure do clean up real good, del Mar.'
It seemed like a lifetime ago that Jack had appeared out of nowhere to save him 'from makin' the worst mistake a yer life.' Even after he had felt Jack's body pressing against his, had kissed Jack and felt the stirrings in his pants and even higher up, he had still been willing to stand in front of God and everyone and say his vows to a woman who never could have given him any of what he needed, body or soul.
'I ain't queer.'
'I ain't neither.'
"Fuckin' hell ya wasn't, Jack Twist."
Ennis turned and walked into the bathroom, striped out of his clothes and turned on the shower. He wanted to wash away more than just the dirt on his body, but his mind had other ideas. The next thing he knew that annoying voice in his head was talking at him again.
'Jack knew he was queer before he stuck your hand on his pecker.'
A huge glob of soap splattered on the wall as Ennis' bathing turned as harsh as his thoughts.
'Jack knew you would have shut him out if he told you the truth.'
This time it was the wash rag that hit the wall, and it was not mistake.
'*You* went to him that next night. *You* wanted him in that way that makes a man queer. *You* lied, too.'
Ennis sank to his knees, ignoring the bar of soap that slipped from his fingers and landed on the recently tossed wash rag. "I ain't queer," he groaned.
'*You* sucked Jack's dick, and you liked it mighty fine.'
The tears fell, lost in the cascading water from above, but no less real. "I ain't queer."
The taunting tenor of the voice in his head turned soft and sympathetic. 'Yes, you are. And Jack loves you.'
"Jack! Cain't be queer! Cain't..." Fists pounded against the bottom of the tub in a harsh cadence of denial, only to lessen under the weight of an unfamiliar sense of defeat. "I need ya, Jack. Please come back. I..."
As much as he wanted to say more, he wanted to take back what had already been said. Climbing to his feet, he didn't even bother to dry off before he stumbled out of the tub and into the other room and collapsed on the bed.
"Cain't luv Jack."
*** *** *** ***
Ennis paused outside the big glass doors. He needed some groceries, something to eat besides beer and whiskey, but he didn't want to enter the small grocery store. Inside he was sure to come across Mr. or Mrs. Fleishman. He wasn't ready to face anyone who knew Jack, too.
"Ennis?"
Startled, Ennis looked up from the floor and into the warm brown eyes of the best cook he had met since his mamma died. "Ma'am." He glanced nervously as the glass doors opened for a customer and her bags. "Jus' need ta pick up a few things," he said self-consciously.
The tears in her eyes spoke of a shared pain. "Jack called us last night."
For a small woman, her words packed more of a punch than the biggest barroom drunk Ennis had ever met. Despite himself, his mouth went into Jack-mode. "He okay?"
She nodded, reaching out to touch his forearm. "He asked about you."
"Thelma!" A man's voice called out from inside the store.
"That's Elmer," she said with an indulgent smile that seemed to come as natural as breathing. "Why don't you come into the office and I'll tell you about Jack's call."
Ennis nodded, and followed as she led the way inside. In a matter of seconds he had gone from dreading this moment to craving it. He had spent the day refusing to think about his break down of the night before, but now he needed to hear about Jack.
"Thelma-" Elmer's face lit up as soon as he emerged from aisle four, a sack of flour in one hand - flour belonged on aisle six - and a package of hamburger meat - there were no meat coolers in aisle four - in the other. "Hello, Ennis. Good to see you."
"Sir," Ennis nodded, feeling the swell of self-consciousness rising inside again.
Elmer handed his wife the package of hamburger meat. "Would you put this in the back of the freezer case on your way back to the office? I'm not sure how long it was sitting with the coffee."
"Sure, Honey. We'll take it home and I'll fry it up for the dogs."
Keeping his silence, Ennis followed Thelma through the store towards the far back corner, where he assumed the office was located. The way she and her husband interacted - Elmer just knowing that she was taking him back to the office to talk - reminded him of how Jack sometimes seemed to know what he was thinking even before he said anything.
'Love works that way,' the little voice said from the back of his mind.
Ennis was still clinging to the idea that Jack's written declaration or love was just a reaction to being scared about going off to war, but his grip was getting weaker. Too much thinking about how things were between them up on Brokeback, of Jack busting up his wedding, and now, seeing Jack's actions mirrored in the actions of a couple that there was no doubt shared a good kind of love. .
"Jack sounded good," Thelma said as soon as she closed the door behind them. "Scared, but good."
After swallowing the lump in his throat, Ennis nodded, then spoke. "Left me a letter sayin' as much. He say where he was?"
Thelma leaned against the edge of the desk and suddenly her eyes were full of tears. "He was still at the Army post in Colorado Springs when he called, finishing up the physical and some kind of evaluation process, but he said that he'd be heading out first of the week for Fort Jackson in South Carolina. That's where he's going for his basic training."
Ennis' heart sank. South Carolina. That sounded so far away, but it was still a whole lot closer than Vietnam.
"Jack only had a few minutes to talk, but he asked about you. Wanted to know if we had seen you since he left. If you were all right."
Another lump formed in Ennis' throat, only this one tasted bitter. Jack had no business talking to anyone like that, all but telling them about...about the feelings that were between them.
"Ennis."
The warm voice had turned cool, and when he looked up, those soft brown eyes were not as soft anymore.
"I lied to Jack," Thelma said firmly, but with more disappointment than anger in her voice. "I told him that I had seen you in the store, but I was talking to Bertha Mae and you got out the door and drove away before I could say 'hello'. Told him that you looked well."
"Why?" Ennis asked before he could stop himself.
"Because Jack needed to hear it," Thelma sighed. "I won't lie to him again, Ennis. Hated doing it once, but he sounded so desperate to hear that you were still around. You're here now, so I reckon I can tell myself that I just spoke a bit prematurely on that point, but..." At this point her expression and tone become sympathetic and caring, "Ennis, you need to start taking better care of yourself. You look like you haven't slept in days, and I swear you've lost some weight since you was at our house for New Year's. Jack's worried-"
"I ain't nothin' ta Jack fer him ta be worrin' about me!"
Ennis was out the office door, through the store, in the truck and halfway down the highway out of town before he stopped long enough to take a deep breath. They knew about him and Jack. Sure as shooting if the missis knew, so did her husband. Now, he didn't have no choice but to get the hell out of there. Would have to quite a good job, and find another place to live. Jack and his fucking big mouth.
TBC...