Comments | vladimirachan: Something Like Love [fic]

vladimirachan

Something Like Love [fic]

Apr 25, 2009 22:33

Title: Something Like Love
Genre: Primarily friendship, with a bit of romance. Angsty and fluffy at some points.
Rating: PG-13, or T.
Pairing/Characters: Sasuke/Sakura.
Warnings: None, really.
Word Count: 898.
Summary: Sasuke visits Sakura's apartment, and they almost avoid the issue.

( She’s been there for as long as he can remember, the pale pink head of hair bobbing through the crowd - at festivals, at the Academy. She’s never been gone, Sasuke thinks. Even at Sound she haunted his dreams. )

fic|oneshot, sasusaku, naruto

Comments 3

Yes, he's probably in love with her writing_koi April 26 2009, 03:40:42 UTC

I like how you bring out all the minutiae of a moment. The look in the eyes, the way something was said, and all the other little things people read from each other when they interact. You captured that very well.
I like the "blossoming" metaphor at the end, but I always do with Sakura.

Your writing is fairly good. The only tiny criticism I would make is that you need a few more commas in a few places. If you have trouble, I suggest you read aloud. It makes it easier to tell when a sentence needs a pause (a comma) so that you can breathe a bit easier.

Adding you!

Re: Yes, he's probably in love with her vladimirachan April 26 2009, 15:17:47 UTC

Adding you back!

I do tend to be stingy with my commas at times...thank you for pointing it out, though. I've added more ^^

wickedmoonshine April 26 2009, 05:46:56 UTC

WOW, this was impressively good! I do so like a regretful sasuke, even though i know it's pretty unrealistic. it's more like a hope, you know? Awesome job!