enemy no. 1 - Kaoru x Toshiya | One-Shot
“You are not FUCKING SERIOUS!”
He’s fuming. Even an emotional retard like Kaoru can tell. He can also figure out the reason why, since Toshiya kept emphasizing it for the past two hours, while chucking random furniture at him. So far he’s missed, but the phone flew by pretty close. Too close for his liking.
“Toshiya, listen. It’s not a big deal-“
“NOT A BIG DEAL? NOT A BIG DEAL?! Not a big deal my ASS!”
Here comes the magazine stack flying around the corner.
“I needed a change! Like you with your haircut.”
“If you needed a chance, go tattoo your fucking butt BUT DON’T DO THIS TO ME!!”
It’s pointless. Totally pointless. Once Toshiya gets in a rage, not even Iron Man could stop him.
“Toshiya-“
“One step closer and I swear to god I’m gonna hurt you!”
“With your bare hands?”
“I got a-“
Silence. Rustling in the kitchen. Oh fuck, no. He found the kitchen.
“A waffle iron! And I’m not afraid to use it!”
He HAD to pick the heaviest item in Kaorus kitchen, right? Besides the fridge, but if Toshiya ever managed to lift that, he would certainly start to worry.
“Toto, come on. What’s so bad abou-“
“I told you not to come closer!”
“All right, all right. I’ll stay here.”
He lifts his hands, standing in the doorframe to the kitchen, Toshiya backed against the oven, waffle iron in hands. It actually looks pretty ridiculous, but Kaoru wouldn’t dare laughing right now. That waffle iron is so huge, not even Toshiya could miss with that.
“Seriously, what’s so bad about it?”
“WHAT’S SO BAD?!”
“Sweetheart, please stop yelling. The neighbours think I’m actually sophisticated.”
“FUCK THE NEIGHBOURS!”
“Guess you ruined that right now...”
“You wanna know what’s so bad?! Besides that my boyfriend looks like a fucking 80’s pornstar?!”
Kaoru knew Toshiya would at least have one nasty comment about his moustache - precious moustache, even though it didn’t take him 2 weeks to grow, unlike the goatie - but he didn’t figure it could be THAT bad.
“I look like what? Come on, that’s ridiculous.”
“You look like the Japanese version of Magnum! Only without the chest hair. And don’t you even consider growing any of that!”
“I have, it doesn’t work.”
“Well thank fucking Christ!”
He honestly believes it can’t get any worse. He probably should have known better. Only 10 minutes later, the front door gets slammed in his face, and he’s standing on the corridor, only wearing a muscle shirt and shorts. Great. Just great.
“I won’t touch or kiss you again until that awful dead beaver has come off your face! Get rid of your new pet and you can move back in!”
What the heck? He stands on the corridor, gives a shy grin to the neighbours’ wife peeping out of her apartment and thoughtfully touches his moustache. Until he remembers one essential detail…
“What?! Wait, this is MY fucking apartment!”
------------- time laps of 2 weeks ----------------
It’s painful to find that your very detailed plan you had worked on for hours, doesn’t work at all. Kaoru had pondered for a while, even crashed on Dies couch because Toshiya had been serious about not letting him back into his own apartment. Very much to his surprise, he had to admit.
About a week later, the bassist let him back in and Kaoru believed it was because Toshiya actually craved the sex as much as he did.
He had never been so wrong in his life.
Toshiya had prepared a bed on the living room couch and refused to let him into the bedroom. He also refused to prepare breakfast for him, drive to work with him - Toshiya hates the train, so taking it proved how serious he really was - or be seen in public with him. He’d seen women sulk like that and yes, he knew that Toshiya could be kinda girly, but he believed that phase had disappeared together with the lace and leather outfits. He should have known that the return of the skirt was a sign of doom.
While thinking of a new plan on how to get back into his own bedroom, Kaoru has fallen asleep on the massive living room couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but does a pretty good job. At least it is better than Dies couch, which miraculously seemed to be stuffed with empty beer cans 24/7.
Next door, Toshiya is pacing up and down. He. Needs. Sex. Now please. But if he just came crawling back now, he would admit defeat and doing that, would be the starting sign for Kaorus ego to do something utterly stupid, leading to the guitarist overestimating himself. Wouldn’t be the first time that happened, but Toshiya wants to make sure it had been the last time! Besides: that dead thing is still glued to Kaorus upper lip and besides it being totally unsexy, it looks scratchy too and he has no intention of hurting his delicate face. He has to do something about his new sworn enemy number one. And he has to do it immediately; otherwise his libido would go berserk.
So all of this leads to an historical even taking place, that the neighbours would never, ever forget in their lives. Please imagine the following scenario:
Kaoru, happily sleeping away on the couch, dreaming of his fuming boyfriend in very tight leather pants, not wanting to hurt anybody. He’s innocent. At least once in his life, and yes, even the Badass King has moments like that. And kneeling above him, carefully not to wake him up (yet) is his boyfriend, smiling just as innocently, besides the fact that Toshiyas smile would actually make a grown man run as fast as he could. In his hand: a cold wax strip.
Being interviewed by the police, a worried neighbour had called just two minutes later, the lady from next door tells that she had never heard such an awful scream in her life ever before.
He’s fuming. Even an emotional retard like Kaoru can tell. He can also figure out the reason why, since Toshiya kept emphasizing it for the past two hours, while chucking random furniture at him. So far he’s missed, but the phone flew by pretty close. Too close for his liking.
“Toshiya, listen. It’s not a big deal-“
“NOT A BIG DEAL? NOT A BIG DEAL?! Not a big deal my ASS!”
Here comes the magazine stack flying around the corner.
“I needed a change! Like you with your haircut.”
“If you needed a chance, go tattoo your fucking butt BUT DON’T DO THIS TO ME!!”
It’s pointless. Totally pointless. Once Toshiya gets in a rage, not even Iron Man could stop him.
“Toshiya-“
“One step closer and I swear to god I’m gonna hurt you!”
“With your bare hands?”
“I got a-“
Silence. Rustling in the kitchen. Oh fuck, no. He found the kitchen.
“A waffle iron! And I’m not afraid to use it!”
He HAD to pick the heaviest item in Kaorus kitchen, right? Besides the fridge, but if Toshiya ever managed to lift that, he would certainly start to worry.
“Toto, come on. What’s so bad abou-“
“I told you not to come closer!”
“All right, all right. I’ll stay here.”
He lifts his hands, standing in the doorframe to the kitchen, Toshiya backed against the oven, waffle iron in hands. It actually looks pretty ridiculous, but Kaoru wouldn’t dare laughing right now. That waffle iron is so huge, not even Toshiya could miss with that.
“Seriously, what’s so bad about it?”
“WHAT’S SO BAD?!”
“Sweetheart, please stop yelling. The neighbours think I’m actually sophisticated.”
“FUCK THE NEIGHBOURS!”
“Guess you ruined that right now...”
“You wanna know what’s so bad?! Besides that my boyfriend looks like a fucking 80’s pornstar?!”
Kaoru knew Toshiya would at least have one nasty comment about his moustache - precious moustache, even though it didn’t take him 2 weeks to grow, unlike the goatie - but he didn’t figure it could be THAT bad.
“I look like what? Come on, that’s ridiculous.”
“You look like the Japanese version of Magnum! Only without the chest hair. And don’t you even consider growing any of that!”
“I have, it doesn’t work.”
“Well thank fucking Christ!”
He honestly believes it can’t get any worse. He probably should have known better. Only 10 minutes later, the front door gets slammed in his face, and he’s standing on the corridor, only wearing a muscle shirt and shorts. Great. Just great.
“I won’t touch or kiss you again until that awful dead beaver has come off your face! Get rid of your new pet and you can move back in!”
What the heck? He stands on the corridor, gives a shy grin to the neighbours’ wife peeping out of her apartment and thoughtfully touches his moustache. Until he remembers one essential detail…
“What?! Wait, this is MY fucking apartment!”
------------- time laps of 2 weeks ----------------
It’s painful to find that your very detailed plan you had worked on for hours, doesn’t work at all. Kaoru had pondered for a while, even crashed on Dies couch because Toshiya had been serious about not letting him back into his own apartment. Very much to his surprise, he had to admit.
About a week later, the bassist let him back in and Kaoru believed it was because Toshiya actually craved the sex as much as he did.
He had never been so wrong in his life.
Toshiya had prepared a bed on the living room couch and refused to let him into the bedroom. He also refused to prepare breakfast for him, drive to work with him - Toshiya hates the train, so taking it proved how serious he really was - or be seen in public with him. He’d seen women sulk like that and yes, he knew that Toshiya could be kinda girly, but he believed that phase had disappeared together with the lace and leather outfits. He should have known that the return of the skirt was a sign of doom.
While thinking of a new plan on how to get back into his own bedroom, Kaoru has fallen asleep on the massive living room couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but does a pretty good job. At least it is better than Dies couch, which miraculously seemed to be stuffed with empty beer cans 24/7.
Next door, Toshiya is pacing up and down. He. Needs. Sex. Now please. But if he just came crawling back now, he would admit defeat and doing that, would be the starting sign for Kaorus ego to do something utterly stupid, leading to the guitarist overestimating himself. Wouldn’t be the first time that happened, but Toshiya wants to make sure it had been the last time! Besides: that dead thing is still glued to Kaorus upper lip and besides it being totally unsexy, it looks scratchy too and he has no intention of hurting his delicate face. He has to do something about his new sworn enemy number one. And he has to do it immediately; otherwise his libido would go berserk.
So all of this leads to an historical even taking place, that the neighbours would never, ever forget in their lives. Please imagine the following scenario:
Kaoru, happily sleeping away on the couch, dreaming of his fuming boyfriend in very tight leather pants, not wanting to hurt anybody. He’s innocent. At least once in his life, and yes, even the Badass King has moments like that. And kneeling above him, carefully not to wake him up (yet) is his boyfriend, smiling just as innocently, besides the fact that Toshiyas smile would actually make a grown man run as fast as he could. In his hand: a cold wax strip.
Being interviewed by the police, a worried neighbour had called just two minutes later, the lady from next door tells that she had never heard such an awful scream in her life ever before.