A Black Favour [Harry Potter]

[rhye]

Title: A Black Favour
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: R
Character/Pairing: Remus/Sirius, Regulus, James, Peter
Summary: Sirius fancies Remus, but he thinks Remus is straight. So he goes to interesting lengths to try and get Remus' attention.
Genre: Genrderswap, Romance
AN: For cliche_bingo four corners: genderswap, families, coming of age, and obliviousness.
Word Count: 2738

A Black Favour

"I need a favour."

Regulus Black looked up over his Care of Magical Creatures textbook to glare menacingly at his older brother. "Sod off."

"Lovely, really. Great manners. Did I say anything to you?"

"You did. I believe it was, 'I need a favour.'"

"I meant, did I start this conversation in any uncivil way? You were brought up better than to insult someone out of the blue." Sirius crossed his arms, aware that he'd check-mated his brother.

But apparently not. "I was brought up not to insult persons of respectability. I don't extend that to Gryffindor scum."

Sirius huffed. "Next you'll insult my blood status. You better watch it, Reg. It was your parents that weaned this Gryffindor scum."

Regulus scowled again, but he had no comeback now.

"So," Sirius prodded.

"So. What? Some of us need to study for our grades."

"Oh. Right, sorry. I forget that not everyone can be a natural genius such as myself."

Regulus frowned up at Sirius, but the fact was that he couldn't deny that Sirius aced almost all of his classes without putting near as much work in as the rest of the student population. It was half of why Sirius and James could get away with so much-- their exam grades never faltered, their papers were usually pretty bang-up even if they were often late, and when they did come to class they usually participated well enough. In fact, Sirius was due to be in class at this very moment, but it was hardly something to worry over. He skipped Transfigurations regularly, and he was still top of his class. McGonagall wasn't best pleased, but Sirius somehow managed to stay on his pride-mother's good side. Natural talent, he supposed.

Regulus was appraising Sirius slowly and calculatingly. Sirius hated that look. Within the Black family, it mean you were about to be used, but right now he earnestly did need Regulus's help.

"What?" Sirius asked his younger brother, voice flat.

"Oh nothing. Just, you need a favour you apparently think I can bestow upon you, and I need a favour that I think you could bestow upon me. Sounds like a fair trade in the making."

"Where I come from, friends do things for friends out of the kindness of their hearts."

"Well, you're not my friend, and unlike you, I don't come from a pile of steaming Hippogriff dung."

"Right, you haven't got a heart. I forgot. Sorry, I'll try not to make that mistake again."

"What do you need?" Regulus asked.

Sirius' eyes darted around the little courtyard alcove where Regulus often favoured studying and decided it was secluded enough. "I need a potion. Now you."

Regulus tilted his head and smiled to himself, and then answered, "Answers."

"I don't follow--"

"Answers, you git! The Care of Magical Creatures exam is next week and I'm bollocks at it. You know he never changes the exams, so you must have your exam from two years ago?"

"You think I keep shite like--"

"One of your friends then," Regulus waved an arm. "It's not my concern how you get it. Buy it off someone else. That's my currency and price, and it won't change."

Sirius nodded. "Fine then."

"Good."

Sirius turned to go, but hesitated. "Don't you want to know what sort of potion?"

"Hmm?" Regulus looked back up from his book, apparently not truly believing that Sirius would bring him those answers in time for them to matter to him. "I know it must be Dark, or else you'd brew it yourself. I don't need to know anything else."

"The ingredients--"

"Professor Slughorn will happily give me any ingredients I ask of him. Unlike some of us, professors trust me. Probably because I don't blow them up regularly."

Sirius grumbled under his breath and turned away.

******

"Care of Magical Creatures, two years ago," Sirius explained, as James asked once more just exactly what exam he was looking for.

"Well," James sighed, "I don't keep old school rubbish. Bet Moony might have it?"

Sirius nodded. "That's what I thought, but I don't want to go through his-- James!"

James was already lifting the lid off Remus's drunk.

"You can't just go through his--"

"Come off it," James groaned. "You go through my stuff and Pete's any excuse you have. Time you dug into Moony's. One might think you're harbouring some prejudice on account of his medical condition or blood status." While speaking, James threw Remus's neatly-packed trunk to bits around the bedroom.

"Yours and Pete's aren't organized."

"'Bout time Moony got this organization bit out of his system. Ah, here we go." James emerged triumphantly, holding a stack of papers. "Old school shite."

Despite himself, Sirius smiled. He settled on Remus' bed to flip through the parchment, hopeful of finding his prize.

*****

The very next day, Sirius found Regulus studying in his usual spot in the courtyard alcove. He was alone, but that was also as Sirius expected. Regulus was a loner. For all his posturing house pride, Sirius knew that Regulus was no more at home amongst the snakes than he was amongst lions. In his head, he'd always seen his little brother as rather cat-like: he and Regulus were fated to never truly live in peace, but Regulus didn't feel a need to follow anyone else's agendas.

Sirius snapped the parchment in the air, and Regulus turned his eyes up.

"You got it?" Regulus asked. There was a genuinely child-like wonder in his voice. He had not expected this.

"If you tell a soul about the potion I ask you to brew, I'll tell McGonagall that you had the answers off of me."

"You'll get in trouble also, for giving me the answers."

"And you'll get in trouble, for brewing me a potion," Sirius sniffed.

"How are you in Gryffindor?" Regulus grumbled.

"For this," Sirius hopped up onto the ledge, and Regulus hastily moved books aside to make room, scowling. "I want you to brew gendermorphus."

Regulus' jaw dropped open. "What? Why? Do you know how dangerous that stuff is? It's illegal, also. It's not even Dark. That's just the sort of things you and your demented friends would need for some nasty prank."

Sirius reached out and snatched his answers back from Regulus. "Not for a prank. It's for me."

"But you--"

Sirius muffled Regulus with a hand. "It's not a big deal. There's a bloke I fancy, but he's straight. It's not permanent. I just want to-- well, that's my business. No one will know."

"Ugh, Slughorn will never give me the ingredients."

"Too bad," Sirius said, rolling the Care of Magical Creatures exam in his palm and slipping it inside his robe.

"Give me a day to get the ingredients," Regulus groaned, unhappy. "If he even has them. And it'll take a day to brew, also."

"Luckily, I'll have the potion before your exam, so this trade can be as fair as possible. You get your answers when I get my potion."

"I hate you," Regulus laid his head back against the stone.

"I hate you too." Sirius ruffled his brother's hair-- just to annoy him-- and left, with the answer sheet tucked safely within his robes.

*****

The room was dark. Sirius cast a spell to light the chandelier over the abandoned music room. Regulus was actually asleep in one corner. Sirius spared him little real attention. He was good for his word, though, so he laid the parchment of answers on the sleeping body before returning to the small cauldron. He took a spoonful and drank directly from it.

Then, Sirius passed out.

*****

Sirius came to on the hard stone floor of the abandoned music room. The lights had gone out again. He called out to Regulus, but there was no answer. He realized that his wand was still in his hand, so he lit the overhead chandelier once again. Warm light flooded the room, but that only allowed Sirius to see that he was alone.

It also allowed Sirius to see that he was a she.

Sirius stumbled up from sitting, and promptly fell back to the floor. He was off-balance. His hips were wide, even if he was slender. His hands flew automatically to his chest. There were breasts there. Not large, though. He poked them experimentally, and then realized-- if he had jugs, there was likely something he didn't have. One hand darted crudely between his legs, and he found that his slender fingers met only a soft pad of fat, a shelf of bone. A shiver of panic ran through Sirius. What if Regulus had brewed it incorrectly? What if it wasn't temporary? Sirius felt a familiar flush of shame: he was always pulling crap without thinking it through, and this was no exception. But, as with all those other instances, Sirius couldn't go back in time and undo anything he had done, so best to pretend that everything was going according to plan. So far, with this particular plan, everything was going according to plan. It was an unexpected surprise. Unfortunately, this was really as far as his plan had gone.

Sirius climbed to his feet again, more carefully this time, extinguished the flames on the chandelier, and left the abandoned room behind him.

*****

James shrieked. Peter scrambled to hide behind the bed curtains. Remus looked up from his trunk, dropped a jar that clattered away on the floor, and leaned carefully on this bed.

"Bloody hell, who are you? This is the boys' dormitory!" James' face was beet red, understandable considering that he was starkers.

Peter whimpered.

"Sirius," Remus whispered, "What have you done?" He didn't sound angry. There was a timbre of fear, almost, in his voice.

"Sirius? Sirius! Shite. Shite!" James came stumbling forward. Peter peeped out from behind the curtains. "You're a girl!" James exclaimed.

"Oh really, thanks for the info," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Peter seemed to have some trouble closing his mouth.

"Wormtail, don't drool. It's still me and I haven't got the hots for you so stop looking at me that way. I haven't even hardly got any jugs, have I?" Sirius gripped his breasts. "Remus, are these particularly bad?"

Remus winced. "I'd really rather not have this conversation. And they seem fine."

"Is it permanent?" James took a hesitant step forward, as if Sirius' new sex were a disease that might be catching.

"Of course not," Remus supplied. "You can't do something like that overnight."

"H-how l-long?" Peter stammered.

"Dunno," Sirius frowned. "Regulus didn't say."

James gasped. "You let a bloody Slytherin do this to you?"

"Not 'a bloody Slytherin', Regulus." Sirius drew himself up a bit, as if to defend Regulus' honor, before he remembered who he was speaking to. "Oh fuck," he exhaled. "We traded for it. It was a fair trade. He's going to cheat on his exam, and if he did anything wrong, I'll just tell on him."

James nodded slowly, but Remus stood. "You went through my things to find the answers to help him cheat on that exam, didn't you?" He sounded angry.

"No I did not," Sirius was not lying.

"Then you got James to--"

"James went through your things of his own--"

"On your behest."

James sidled past them and towards the door, Wormtail scuttering behind.

"Screw this," Remus mumbled. "I don't even want to know why you did this," Remus waved to Sirius' body to indicate the sex change, "but go get it over with." He followed James and Pete from the room.

Sirius sat on his bed. He plucked at a thread he saw there, pouting. Finally, determined not to let this all get to him, and too embarrassed by his roommates' reactions to his new appearance to even dare try the student body at large, Sirius curled onto one side and slept.

*****

When he awoke, the light in the room told him it was only afternoon. A gentle hand on his shoulder roused him.

"Sirius," Lily asked. Sirius blinked to see Lily sitting right on his bed in the boys' dormitory. What if he'd been starkers? Oh-- right.

"I was wondering if you needed any products of a feminine nature? Bra? Need to know any, uh, spells?"

"What're you doing here?"

"James told me about-- Well, I don't want you to go about having-- relations-- and I didn't know what might happen when you-- when the potion wore off if you--"

"I didn't do this to get laid," Sirius frowned up at her.

"Oh." Lily looked genuinely surprised.

"Merlin, is that what everyone believes?"

"It is the going theory." She scratched her neck. "Yeah."

"Fuck."

"Sorry?"

Sirius closed his eyes again, willing that he could just wake up as a bloke again.

"Then, can I ask, why you did do it?"

"There's someone I fancy, and he fancies girls, so I thought maybe he'd notice me this way. Only now he's mad at me."

"At least he's noticed you?" She offered feebly.

"Well, he already noticed me that much," Sirius groaned. "I mean, I wanted him to notice me as a bloke. Or a bird. Or whatever. As a potential mate."

"I don't guess that this was the best way to go about it."

Sirius, eyes still closed, shook his head.

"Budge over," Lily insisted. Sirius complied, and Lily laid down full-length next to him. "Is this Remus, then?"

Sirius' eyes popped open all at once.

"Oh come on! It doesn't take legilimency to see how you look at him."

"Bugger," Sirius quipped.

"The problem is," Lily sighed, "Remus is gay."

"No, he's not," Sirius answered with absolute certainty. "He's seeing that Victory or whatever her name is."

"Victoria is paying him to tutor her."

"Nah, he spends all his time with her."

"Because she pays him. You would spend all your time with someone if they paid you to do it, too."

Sirius shook his head. "He said he was seeing her, romantically."

"He did," Lily answered. It was not a question. "He's not blameless in this mix-up. I guess maybe he was insecure about not dating? I haven't a clue, but you'll have to ask him. Sirius, you really should have just discussed this all with him instead of letting Regulus cheat off of his paper. He is angry about that."

"Merlin," Sirius moaned, "Is there anything that goes on in this room that you don't know about?"

"Not bloody likely," she laughed, sitting up. "I'm going to dinner. Are you going to come?"

Sirius shook his head sullenly.

"Alright. I'll see the elves send you something up."

"Thanks Lil."

"No problem. What is family for, anyway?"

He gaped at her. "What are you talking about?"

She flashed a bright object near his face, and then giggled, dashing away before he could process what he'd seen: an engagement ring. Potter had finally gotten the balls to do it! Sirius laughed, giddy. At least someone's life was going right.

*****

After dinner, James, Peter, and Remus returned to find Sirius kicking his girls' legs behind him in the air as he lay on his belly doing his homework. He jumped up when he saw them.

"James! Mate! Congrats!" Sirius shouted and threw his arms around James. James blushed a vibrant red, but Sirius barely noticed.

"James, Pete," Sirius asked quietly, "Mind if I have a moment alone with Remus?"

Both boys looked askance at their friend, but obligingly left the room.

"What do you want to steal from me this time?" Remus asked.

"I wanted to apologize about that, that's all," Sirius answered, sitting on Remus' bed next to Remus.

Remus sighed. "Eh, it's alright. I'm not really mad. More frustrated about this sex business. I don't even want to know why you did it."

"For you," Sirius answered quickly, worried he might lose his nerve.

"What?" Remus' eyes came up immediately.

"I thought you might notice me if-- If--"

"Merlin," Remus buried his head in his hand.

"But Lily told me--"

"She didn't--"

"She did."

"God, I'm such an arse," Remus moaned.

"No, you aren't. Look what I did, eh?" he gestured down to his body.

Remus laughed. Then he turned, unexpectedly, and kissed Sirius on the lips.

"What?" Sirius stammered.

Remus blushed. "Sorry. I just-- I've fancied you for a long time." He added, with an air of surprise, "That was my first kiss! Oh dear." Sirius felt a pang of guilt. He'd been too surprised to kiss back.

Sirius grinned, and kissed Remus again, properly this time.