i think you're doing a great job of developing olivia; the only thing i'd suggest is to be a little less descriptive about her, since too much description can lead into wishfulfillment territory and mary sue- ness (this is something i learned after i finished my epic ville story lol). i can see her being childlike in some ways, way more mature ino thers; it does humanize her and keeps her from being perfect. she's like a real person :D the plot isn't rushed; you have a nice pace set for it, especially given that this story needs to have an unrushed timeframe. it allows for attachment and love to devlop, and nothing's rushed into (again a boat i missed lol). and i've noticed that ville hasn't been as developed as olivia, but seeing as this is a "real fanfic", it's natural; you're using the real life ville instead of a made up one. i think dunn is acting out of character because he luuuuurves olivia :D jealous boyfriend type lol. i just wish he'd clear up his motives, at least with missy or hint at it a bit stronger with olivia. all in
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Thank you so much for the input. I love input. BTW I love your story so far (just started reading it last night, at the twelfth chapter) so no being up on it. I definitely get the too much description thing. I've been trying really hard to make what's going through her head and why clear without being overzealous with the care I put into her character. I'll will try to make Dunn's actions more clear in the near future. Thanks for that tip.
oh, thanks, i'm glad you're enjoying it :) you're doing great with relaying what's going through her mind, and it's not overzealous. just keep in mind that the best fictional character is one that the reader can build for themselves as far as looks and clothing choices and food and things like that go; unless there's some plot point to it, like veganism. :) oh, dunn's actions are clear; that was me just saying i can't wait for that scene where he tells why he's being such a weenie head right now lol.
I'm really, really happy to see the next chapter soon since I fell in love with this story. I love the way things are working out. And Olivia, it feels like she's growing in the sense that she seems more mature. So far all I can really say is that I love it, and hope the next chapter comes soon! :)
Thank you for your feedback. It's good that people can see that she's maturing. I was trying to make it subtle, so I'm glad people can still pick up on it.
it take me days to finally read this story.... cos it was long THANKS for that... I couldn't make myself read it... I'm so tired...work makes me crazy.
I stopped reading the story from Chapter 7 cuzz I got too busy with real life. Tonight, I read what I missed all the way to this chapter and I LOVE this! I love how Olivia is getting more mature and yet how she is acting childish at time. I like how Ville is reacting to this aswell him being kinda childish caring her around hehe! Im a fan of the never-ending descriptions so I don't really mind too much ''useless'' informations and I don't think the plot is rushed, you talk about the days something happens in their life and I don't know, this is one great fic I love to read. Keep going I think you're doing an amazing job! :)
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I'll will try to make Dunn's actions more clear in the near future. Thanks for that tip.
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oh, dunn's actions are clear; that was me just saying i can't wait for that scene where he tells why he's being such a weenie head right now lol.
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So far all I can really say is that I love it, and hope the next chapter comes soon! :)
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thank you
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