His eyebrows shot up slightly, but that was really the only indication he gave that he was surprised. It wasn't what he had expected to hear of her, honestly. But, he wasn't going to give his opinion on the matter. Especially because it clashed with hers and hers was...more beneficial. At least for her rehabilitation.
"That's good that you're thinking about it. Moral decisions like this aren't normally easy." For most people. Who had good, set morals.
Hayley frowned at his ambiguous response, waiting for an elaboration. Her frown deepened when none came. She considered what she had said and his response again before she replied, pressing her mouth to the side as she considered what to say. "How do you feel about it?"
"I don't," he said simply. "Feel anything about it, I mean. That's what got everyone in trouble in the first place. Losing control of their emotions. Not thinking rationally. Making snap judgments when the timing wasn't right." He shrugged.
"But this isn't about me or my thoughts on it. This is about yours."
"I gave you my thoughts," she responded too quickly, instinctively defensive. She flinched slightly as soon as she realized and shook her head. "Sorry. I just.. You handle everything so logically. I want to know what you think. Logically, would you have given Howie time to talk her down or would you have killed her or would you.. I don't know, give him a deadline or something? I mean, did she deserve to die? I think.."
Hayley paused, trying to reduce her stream of consciousness to coherent thoughts. "I think it's better that she died, but I'm not sure I would have done it or that she deserved it.." A beat. "But then, if you listen to what Rex said, then she totally deserved worse.."
The girl buried her face in her hand out of frustration.
"Deserve is a hard word. Who are we to determine who deserves to die? Did she deserve to die? Probably not. I don't think anyone here is qualified to make that call."
Hayley's brow furrowed and she dropped her hands back to the stool's edge. Then she looked at him with all the confusion painted on her expression. "Then what are we talking about?"
"We're talking about you. You think that way, Hayley. I don't. If you want to talk about whether or not she deserved it, we can." He watched her calmly. "But I can't give you the right answer. I can tell you what I think, but that won't help you."
Hayley opened her mouth to snap back with a retort, but she stopped herself and brooded for a stretch of silence instead. Her eyes fell almost immediately to the floor and she stared at it for the duration.
"I want to know what you think, even if you don't think it'll help," she replied finally, relatively calmly. When she looked at him again, there was a distinct effort to stay calm for him. "Then we can talk about whatever you think will help me."
"You said yourself we think totally differently. Knowing what you think will just be like.. another opinion or perspective or whatever. Why are you so against telling me? You're supposed to be my warden." Hayley's frustration started to seep through by the end and there was no reeling it back in. Her muscles tensed, her posture contorted unconsciously, and she was clearly upset. "If I just wanted to hear how I'm wrong, I could go talk to half the Barge."
"That's not-- I meant if you don't tell me your opinion, then all we're going to talk about is how wrong I am and that is what I can get from the rest of the Barge. I want to know because.. because I want to know. Because if I'm supposedly thinking the wrong way, then I need to figure out what the right way is. Because we think totally differently and maybe I should start thinking more like you." Feeling vulnerable and awkward, she threw out a couple reasons meant to upset him, even though it wasn't exactly a conscious choice. "Because I want to know how what you think is different than what Ned or Wichita or Pavel thought.. or Harvey. Because if you agree with me then there's no point in arguing."
A beat. "Because if you're not going to share then you obviously don't trust me to be okay with that information and if you don't trust me then how am I supposed to trust you?"
He sighed heavily. This was going nowhere. "No, that's not what we're going to talk about." The mention of her past influences only started to frustrated him and he turned to look down at his desk. The only thing that was keeping him sane at the moment, as a continuous I expected this, I expected this, I expected this that ran through his head.
"Let's talk about yours first, Hayley, and then we'll get to me."
"Okay, then talk." She muttered. It was an honest effort to concede and to stop them from arguing before it started, but she was still hurt and angry and everything else. Hayley watched her hands, but she was quiet and listening. She liked frustrating Capa like he frustrated her, liked the visible reminder that he had feelings. But then she always felt a little guilty when she saw it, because her warden deserved better.
He hesitated, thinking that this was some kind of trap. But he had to learn to trust this, so, without another thought, he leaned forward to ask. "Tell me what your first thought was when this all happened, Hayley. When you first heard that she had been shot. Without the influence of Rex or anyone else after."
Would you rather do this in person? I have something for you.
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"That's good that you're thinking about it. Moral decisions like this aren't normally easy." For most people. Who had good, set morals.
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"But this isn't about me or my thoughts on it. This is about yours."
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Hayley paused, trying to reduce her stream of consciousness to coherent thoughts. "I think it's better that she died, but I'm not sure I would have done it or that she deserved it.." A beat. "But then, if you listen to what Rex said, then she totally deserved worse.."
The girl buried her face in her hand out of frustration.
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He shook his head at her.
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"I want to know what you think, even if you don't think it'll help," she replied finally, relatively calmly. When she looked at him again, there was a distinct effort to stay calm for him. "Then we can talk about whatever you think will help me."
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If he could help her correctly.
"Why does it matter so much what I think, Hayley? If I tell you my opinions, they will influence your own."
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"That's not why I'm not telling you. I'm not going to tell you why you're wrong. I just want to know, Hayley."
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A beat. "Because if you're not going to share then you obviously don't trust me to be okay with that information and if you don't trust me then how am I supposed to trust you?"
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"Let's talk about yours first, Hayley, and then we'll get to me."
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