The Fear You Won't Fall
How. Amazing. The. Prom. Was? FREAKING AMAZING.
So, today is scissormirror's birthday. For those who don't know, she's my awesome beta. She writes amazing fanfiction too, so if you can check out her page (www . fanfiction . net / ~ scissormirror) (remove the blanks) she's amazing. And well, I started this thing with her on my mind, wrote it down and sent it to her today at 12:00. To say that she liked it is an understatement, and she didn't seem to find any grammatical mistakes on the story so she told me to go ahead and publish it and... well, here I am.
Do. Not. Tweet. This. To. The. Actors. This is a work of fiction and I don't mean any disrespect to them by writing this. Things like these happen in my head.
Anyhow, again I must warn you: I'm not an english native speaker, so if you guys find something wrong with my grammar please TELL ME. I'll be glad to correct my mistakes since I'm going to major in Modern Languages and I'm supposed to be semi-fluent in writing and speaking English, so any piece of advice you can give me will be highly appreciated.
So, Kaitlyn, this is for you. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me and for being such an amazing friend. Even if we live right across the freaking ocean. Thousands of ciberhugs for you. Eternal ciberhugs. (And Darrens riding unicorns... and you know what else -wink-)
THE TITLE IS LAME. No it's not, it's from a song by Joshua Radin. So, let's get to the story, shall we?
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, Kurt and Blaine could be engaging in make-out sessions every episode.
The fear you won't fall
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you.
"Cut!" Chris heard the distant voice of Eric, their director for that episode as he and the rest of the cast stopped moving right there. Everyone was having fun and dancing as there was no tomorrow, they were high on glee and the prom festivity. But something was off. They had to do a re-take a couple of minutes ago and Chris listened to Darren's soft voice saying he needed to leave for a moment before he could react, but now there he was, standing and trying to have a good time with Darren in his mind. Where on earth could he be right now?
"Calm down, Chris." Chris reminded himself "He must be in the bathroom. It's not like he's bailing at the ending of the episode anyway. We need to take a few shots more"
"Okay guys; let's take the final pictures with the last takes. Let's start with groups, Lea, you're first! Amber, Chord!"
Chris nodded at the instruction and decided to grab a drink from the table. When he was walking towards the place he noticed a couple of girls chit-chatting right behind the table, and he couldn't help but eavesdrop a little, curious.
"Did you see the way Darren looked at him when they were dancing? It was the most adorable thing ever!" Said one of the girls who was wearing a pretty light-blue dress and Chris noticed that her hair shined with blue highlights, tied in a ponytail with a flower at the top that matched her corsage. She was holding a reddish drink that Chris presumed was the punch.
"YES, I mean, if they weren't actors I couldn't have told the difference. I need to see this episode right freaking now. I can't even imagine what else they've filmed so far; just by the dance scenes I just can tell this episode will be full of Klaine awesomeness and adorableness." Answered the other one, who was wearing a black dress and had curly hair that looked a lot like Darren's- thing that made Chris smile a little, too.
Chris smiled to himself, liking the comments. With the soft grin on his face, he walked near the table right then and the girls seemed to freeze in their place and stopped talking for a moment.
"Girls? How do you like the episode so far?" He asked, grabbing one of the red cups and serving a little amount of punch just to try it. The girl with the blue highlights in her hair answered, smiling nervously.
"Best prom ever?" She smiled, trying to get her friend's attention in order to keep her from drooling or maybe fainting by punching her lightly in the ribs with her elbow. The other girl chuckled and smiled also nervously, flashing her amber-colored eyes at Chris; another particular trait that reminded him of Darren. She said shortly afterward.
"Your scenes with Darren are lovely. I hope the rest of the episode is as good as the whole party scenes…" Embarrassed, she covered her lips with her hand in a shy gesture and Chris flashed a dazzling smile at both girls who were trying not to squeal out loud. He took a sip from his punch and smiled at them, putting the cup down to fix a wrinkle on his kilt and then grabbing it back again, taking another tiny sip.
"By the way, have you seen him around?" Chris asked, looking around for a moment before returning his attention to the girls. They both shook their heads as a response and Chris nodded, finishing his punch and taking the cup with him; waving them goodbye as he walked past the table and into the hallway of McKinley, looking for Darren. He dropped the cup inside a garbage container and walked straight down the hallway.
In the meantime, both girls were hyperventilating uncontrollably.
"When we signed for the extra role I never thought we would get to have any kind of contact with the actors." The girl with the curls said, looking at her friend, dazed out of her mind.
"Chris Colfer just talked to us." The one with the highlights answered, reaching out a hand to rest on the table in order to balance her weight and not fall apart because her knees were absolutely shaking. Also, she was trying not to let her hand drop the punch because if she messed up her dress costume and makeup would be furious with here minutes later.
"Kaitlyn." Said the other girl, smiling now after the shock had passed, moving her hands excitedly to emphasize the shock she was feeling.
"Oh my God." Both of them squealed, grabbing each other by the hands and twirling around happily.
"By the way, I like your highlights!" They heard Chris's voice come inside the room again, and the girl named Kaitlyn started hyperventilating all over again.
Chris headed outside smiling to himself because of the girl's excited reactions. He liked to do that sometimes, get close to the extras or the fans when they were invited to the show because it made it all more genuine somehow. He was a fan boy himself, and if he ever got the chance of meeting Julie Andrews in person he was pretty sure, restrain and all, he would end up squealing like a girl in front of her. (He bowed in front of Lady Gaga, for crying out loud. Bowed.)
Anyway, he was outside for a reason: Darren had left the set and they were supposed to be taking pictures together a couple of minutes after, so he had to find him and bring him back. He walked down the hallways heading to the bathroom doors, deciding he might be there. Chris actually stopped for a moment thinking whether it was a good idea to enter the bathroom if Darren was indeed there, but then he just pushed the thought away when he heard a strangled sob from inside the door. Terrified, he ran towards the door and knocked it open to see Darren there, his hands grabbing both sides of the sink and tears streaming down his face. He was looking at himself at the mirror when he heard Chris enter the washroom, and turned around, flushed and trying to clean up his face with his sleeve as fast as he could so Chris wouldn't notice.
"Darren, what are you doing here alone and crying?" Well, yeah, Chris had noticed, so he was pretty much screwed now.
"I just…" Darren whispered, looking down at the sink and back to his reflection once more before turning to face Chris. "I felt so terrible about the whole Prom Queen fiasco, I needed a moment. We had our happy scene filmed right after the one in the hallway, but I was trying to hold back the tears the whole time I was dancing with you…. And then it was too much." He sighed, running his hands through the front of his suit like he was trying to get rid of a wrinkle.
"I mean, I know it was upsetting but…" Chris stood there, amazed by the overflow of emotions his friend was showing to him. Yet he didn't seem to understand the reason underneath it all, and he wanted to. "Why did it got to you so much?"
"Chris… I feel so bad. I mean, it's not pity, not at all. I mean." The man with the hazel eyes paused and let out an unexpected and frustrated groan. "GOSH why can't I just talk normally right now?" He turned around, frustrated, and started pacing around the bathroom.
"Darren, calm down and talk to me, please?" Chris moved his hands towards his hairline to move the crown a little bit; it was starting to get heavy. His eyes never left the shorter man who was obviously too nervous to speak.
"Yeah, yeah." He heard Darren mutter between breaths, and then the older man turned around and looked at him directly in the eyes.
"When I was in high school one of our friends was turning 16 and she held this gigantic beauty contest that was absolutely vain; I was totally against it. The thing is she invited all of our classmates and most of them were really mean to this girl in our class." He paused and took a deep breath, his eyes beginning to fill with tears again. "She won the contest, but it was some kind of sick joke because when she got up the improvised stage and accepted the tiara, this bunch of douchebags started throwing cake at her. And not in a good way, but in the cruelest way you can imagine. They 'booed' her out of the party and she left the place crying uncontrollably."
Chris gasped, feeling terrible about the story as well. "She was devastated. She didn't show up to school during the next week and my friends and I who didn't take part in the scheme went down to her house to cheer her up. Turned out she decided to transfer on the next period and she didn't want to see us… It was something that she would never forget. She was alone; she didn't have anyone to comfort her in that terrible moment of her life. I hate high school sometimes." Tears were streaming down his face once again and Chris stepped forward, grabbing Darren by one of his sleeves and embracing him tightly.
"And I just think what you must have been through. I listen to you in your interviews; you make it sound so funny." Darren continued talking. He sobbed into Chris's suit, wrapping his arm around his waist. "I don't pity you, Chris. I just want you to know that right from freaking now and ever since I've met you you're not alone. You'll never be; I care too much about you. Dude, everything's been so easy for me. Chris, you're a role-model. I don't even know what I'm saying but…" He gasped for air and untangled his arms from Chris's waist to look at him in the eye. "You're the strongest person I've ever met. You're a magic machine. A great voice, amazing looks…. That is nothing compared to what your soul and your heart must look like."
"Darren, stop. I don't like you complimenting me, okay? Everything is fine. Now let's get back there and make Kurt and Blaine the happiest couple of the whole prom." Chris said, smiling warmly at the shorter man and giving him a wink. They both exited the washroom side by side.
"Chris?" Darren said once they were walking down the hallway, shoulder to shoulder.
"Yeah?"Chris wondered, his blue eyes wandering between looking at Darren and staring at the floor; liking the silence that had been settling between them a while ago. It felt right. It was the good kind of silence.
"May I hold your hand?" Darren let out in a soft whisper, stretching his hand out for Chris to reach it.
"Since you asked so nicely…" Chris retorted, holding a tight grip on Darren's hand.
"I was feeling terrible while you were crying in the hallway scene. I needed to touch you just for a minute and make sure you were alright." Darren said, looking intently at the floor while they reached for the doors that lead to the place where the prom set was.
"I'm that good of an actor, huh?" Chris smirked, and Darren chuckled and then looked at Chris straight in the eyes, with blown pupils and his lips dry.
"Darren?" Chris started to feel worried, and Darren shook his head and lifted a finger to place it in front of Chris's lips.
"I'm going to do this once, and if you want to, you can tell me to stop and push me away. But I've never felt the urge to do it so much as I have now." And he leaned in and kissed Chris, right on the lips.
It was chaste and short, but it held so many feelings within it that Chris stood there, petrified. His heart started beating at an amazing pace and he backed off, looking shocked and scared and freaking everything at once and Darren's body froze right then and there and shook his head in amazement.
"How on earth did it occur to me that that was a good idea? I'm sorry, Chris. I'll leave you alone forever now." He stuttered and stumbled to get away from Chris, but the taller man reached out and grabbed the back of his jacket before he got the chance to run away.
"Darren Everett Criss, if you cared to explain what the hell you just did I might even consider forgiving you." He claimed, watching Darren turn around with an ashamed expression and showing Chris his best I want to run away eyes, but Chris stood his ground and stared at him intensely, his pupils blown out of amazement and wonder.
Darren cleared his throat and even though he was scared, he straightened up and then sighed. "Okay. We're going to talk about it, but after the party. Please. I think we need to take a couple of pictures and I don't want that to be awkward." He then glared longingly at Chris's lips for a moment, but the taller boy didn't notice so they entered the room with the party atmosphere.
The girls who ran into Chris earlier were now sitting on a table which was really close to the door, so they both couldn't help gasping when said boy entered with Darren. Chris stopped for a moment to look at them and then pointed to Darren, saying. "Found him." Darren waved hello and they both walked past them to get to where the rest of the cast was gathered for the pictures. Now both girls were looking tomato-red and staring at each other with amazed expressions.
"This is undoubtedly the best day of my life." Said the one with the highlights on her hair; grabbing her glass and drinking with tiny sips.
"It's officially 12:00 am. So… it's alright to say Happy Birthday." Answered the one with the black dress, smiling sweetly at her friend and watching the place where Chris and Darren had waved hello a second or so before.
The boys had to take a picture with the crown, together, smiling happily and lovingly at the camera like they were having a good time, but after that moment Darren could feel the atmosphere change drastically as Chris shied away from him for the pictures that were taken of the whole cast. Chris walked away from Darren, standing exactly at the opposite corner to pose for the rest of the pictures, and Darren was supposed to act like nothing had happened and so he did, hugging Amber and making weird faces until the photographer couldn't help but laugh at such a bunch of crazy people. Then there were a couple of shoots of the girls trying to steal Chris's crown and Darren stood by the whole time, watching Chris, slapping himself continuously in his head for being such a moron.
He had been dealing with this bunch of emotions ever since he met Chris, but he didn't act on it even after the kiss he and Chris shared on camera, even though he was left quite shaken about it ever since.
The thing started when he was only a fan of Glee, a guy who wanted to be on the show just as much as any other fan and he watched non-stop the episodes. He had auditioned for a role but didn't get it, so he decided to enjoy the thing on the outside just like everyone else did.
But there was this time when he was heading out of the white room where Ryan Murphy was holding the auditions, just after his. This little round-faced guy with amazing blue eyes came to him and said.
"Do you think I'll get it?" he had a high pitched voice, but it was incredibly sweet and he had these eyes that were keeping Darren distracted from answering and forming correct sentences.
"I didn't, but I'm sure you'll do great." He said finally, remembering how to form words after trying to look somewhere other than the guy's eyes.
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry. They're absolutely terrible, right? I mean, they'll just eat me and then I'll be outside thinking I shouldn't have auditioned." The other boy started talking rapidly; showing his nervousness more than anything and Darren for some reason felt this sudden urge to embrace him but held it inside.
"Nah… Don't worry, you know? I knew this main jock guy was not the role for me. I promise you'll do great, okay? You'll be awesome." He rested an assuring pat on his back and walked away, trying to think about something else. He probably should go and call his friend Joey to go get a few drinks.
Then he heard behind him. "I think that was Harry Freakin' Potter" and turned around, but the guy with the amazing eyes was nowhere to be found.
More or less a year later he was calling Joey to give him a completely different kind of news, and those were huge, because he was going to have a role in not only the most successful televised musical in the history of comedies but also he was going to play the significant other of the incredibly young and talented Chris Colfer, the amazingly blue-eyed man who he recognized from the pilot the first time he watched the show.
Saying that he was a Chris Colfer fan was an understatement. He was more of a stalker if he was allowed to enter in some kind of category, and the embarrassment of the first (technically second) encounter was gigantic because he just kept complimenting Chris on every single aspect of his totally awesome career and Chris was obviously blushing and probably tired of hearing his stupid voice.
But then Chris made this hand wave towards him and exclaimed: "OH MY GOD, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE HARRY FREAKING POTTER. I'M AN ABSOLUTE FAN OF A VERY POTTER MUSICAL."
And then he was sure Chris Colfer was kind of perfect. (Though he already knew it beforehand, anyways)
Chris Colfer was always sure of one thing: he didn't have good luck in the love department and he would always be disappointed, no matter what happened. When Ryan Murphy told him that he had gotten the role of Kurt Hummel, a role that was especially created for him because of how great he was, Chris wasn't able to believe his ears but somehow the news sank in and he probably just laughed and felt incredibly happy for the rest of the week. The same creator of the show had modified the script to make his character fit in as this sassy, fashionable gay kid with an amazing singing voice. The whole show was being changed and modified to fit him in. That thing that happened right there, was amazing. Yes, in that department, he was actually very lucky.
But then he got slightly famous, a little more interesting, a lot bigger and amazingly handsome. Or at least that's what he started hearing here and there, when complete strangers (handsome at least) asked for his telephone number and he started to have actual dates.
And even then, he didn't feel right. He didn't feel they wanted him for what he was truly, but for Kurt Hummel's personality. They didn't understand that Kurt was just a character, and not only that, but that Kurt Hummel was a complete different person from Chris.
…Until he met Darren Criss.
Yes. Chris Colfer couldn't believe his ears when Ryan Murphy decided that Chord Overstreet was not going to play his on-screen boyfriend but this new guy who got Ryan's, Brad's and Ian's attention: Darren Criss.
He was a silly guy, to say the least. Apparently, he was goofy and light-headed, like he always lived up high in the sky and the rest didn't matter. He had this amazing speech about his sexuality not being important but the things the character was meant to deal with being more important.
He didn't care that the public thought he was gay at first. He came out as a straight guy playing a gay character and extremely confident about it.
And for Chris's dismay, he was absolutely and just plain dreamy.
He knew how to play a hundred instruments, he had this amazing singing voice and this goofy personality which grew on every single part of the crew and cast in just a week. Darren just grabbed all of them and stuffed them inside his pocket because he was just oh so charming.
And since Chris knew he couldn't have a crush on his dreamy co-worker, he just ignored every single signal, every single smile, and just tried to act like a normal person around the guy because he was straight. Straight, meaning Darren liked girls. And Chris was pretty much a boy so he immediately gave up just as fast as the crush had appeared and that was the end of the story.
Except that it wasn't.
Ryan Murphy's original conception for Darren's character, Blaine Anderson, was simple: He wasn't going to be Kurt's boyfriend but his support system, his mentor, his best friend. A person to trust and love anyhow, because Kurt fell in love with every living male around his age anyway, so Blaine wasn't going to be the exception to that rule.
But then there was this amazing chemistry; these silly jokes between takes; this comfortable atmosphere between them and Chris was certain that Blaine wasn't going to be a mentor for much time longer, judging by the looks Ryan was sending in their direction every time they filmed a certain scene where they were supposed to interact.
And there was the fandom. Oh My God, the fandom! Those girls were crazy. Ryan always listened to fan's desires and not only Darren was a heartthrob for the female public but also he was too good to keep it just like that. People wanted Kurt and Blaine to get together like they wanted air.
The day he got the script for Original Songs Chris felt his heart fall into his stomach and trying to get out of his body through his feet somehow. And Darren, being the fan of the show he was, felt the nervousness of it all, the anticipation and the desire of watching a lovely scene like that reach a climax, finally the most awaited kiss of the season and he was glad to be part of it.
When they kissed the first time they knew it wasn't going to be a problem to repeat the take as many times at necessary. Why keep it a secret, anyway? Chris tasted amazingly. His lips were soft and sweet, and Darren's were just as soft as he had imagined. Bad train of thoughts, Colfer…
Then there were approximately 16 takes from different angles and there was this time Darren bit his lower lip and Chris moaned and. Oh crap.
"Guys, that was perfect. We are sticking with this take, okay? Take ten, everybody!" Screamed Brad, and then turned around to re-watch the take.
And they just ran away from each other and things started to get awkward… Well, not exactly awkward but much more quiet and serene than they were before.
That day Darren knew he had a seriously gigantic crush on Chris Colfer and the least he knew was what the hell he was going to do about it. And in this present day, watching Chris with the crown on his head, that adorable kilt, his black suit and those stupidly gorgeous eyes Darren decided to ruin everything by kissing Chris.
When they were exiting the studio Darren decided he needed to talk to Chris as soon as possible. They said good-bye to everyone on the set who were tired as hell; they were planning to throw a party but Lea fell asleep on top of Jonathan's lap when they were taking the last couple of pictures and Cory and Mark ended up sprawled on top of a table sleeping, so they called it off and decided to celebrate another day. So that left him and Chris, tired as they were, to choose whether leave together or not.
"You came in with Amber, right?" Darren asked Chris, who waved goodbye Brad and Ryan who seemed just as tired as the rest of the cast while deciding who was leaving with whom.
"Yeah. But she was so tired Chord took her home a couple of minutes ago." Answered Chris; looking at Jonathan leap Lea with his arms to stuff her inside the back seat of the car, and laughed. "Kevin and Jenna left together and Jonathan's driving Lea… And I think Mark and Cory fell asleep at Cory's car after Ryan said we could go. Naya got Amber's car to crash at her place with Heather and Harry."
"So can I drive you?" Asked then Darren, feeling nervous all of a sudden and checking his bag to retrieve his car keys and open the door for Chris when the taller boy nodded in agreement.
The car drive was quiet, except for the fact that Darren was certain Chris could hear his heartbeat. He plugged his iPod on the stereo and started blasting Freelance Whales through the speakers and was surprised to discover that Chris knew the lyrics to Hannah, so the atmosphere was lighter by the time they reached Chris's place. Darren stopped the engine there and turned to face Chris.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked, fidgeting with the seatbelt a little bit with his hands.
"Why would I be mad at you?" Retorted the younger boy; not knowing where to place his hands either.
"I kissed you." Darren whispered, feeling a blush starting to get to his cheeks; and cursing on the inside because of that stupid idea all over again.
"You think that I didn't like it?" Asked Chris like he had already answered, feeling much braver all of a sudden. "Look, Darren. You're very much straight; or at least that's what you say. I'm gay. I like boys and I won't deny it… I liked you the first time I met you and I still do."
Darren was sure he had stopped breathing.
"It's not that I think you didn't like the kiss. I thought that you felt I was abusing the fact that you could maybe like me, somehow." Darren tried to explain, and turned around on his seat so he had the full upper-body facing Chris and Chris did the same; Darren's knees were trapped between the wheel and the middle of the car.
"How you were so sure I liked you?" Chris asked shortly after he had found a comfortable position inside the stupid car that was too tiny for his legs.
"I wasn't; but the moan…" Darren paused, trying to sort out his response in the less creepy way possible. "The day we shot the kiss, you moaned at the end. And I was pretty sure I bit your lip to see how you reacted, so…" He scratched his nose, embarrassed. "You liked it. At least… at least you liked kissing me." He finished, feeling the blush spreading to his ears as well.
"You're a very good kisser." Chris answered.
"I know." Darren replied.
They laughed together at that cocky statement and Darren reached for Chris's hands that were resting on top of his thighs.
"Can I be honest with you?" he shot his amber eyes at Chris and he felt a shiver down his spine. Chris nodded, not trusting his voice.
"I liked you since I saw you the first time I auditioned for Glee. I think you don't remember me afterwards, but I did. Your eyes just got ironed inside my brain and I couldn't get them out. Then there you were, being fierce as Kurt and I even think I got a crush on him, also. Of course because he was being portrayed by you… I know this doesn't make any sense. I'm straight, yeah. At least I thought I was, but I happened to fall for you. And now I'm not so sure anymore."
"You… fell? For me?" Chris couldn't believe his ears and Darren moved a little bit closer.
"How couldn't I? You're… I don't know. I don't imagine anything being different. I'm lucky to have met you and I'm lucky to call you my friend. You're an amazing person."
"Darren, seriously, how cheesy can you be?" Chris smirked and Darren laughed, grabbing the back of Chris's neck and crashing their lips together in a much more needier and hungry kiss.
"I can stop being cheesy if you don't like it." He whispered against Chris's mouth, and the younger man left out a shaky breath while he answered.
"I like everything about you." He smiled and kept kissing Darren deeply, as he had wished to since the first time they met.
"How about a cigarette after this?" Chris joked, remembering their kiss as Kurt and Blaine and the lame cigarette joke he cracked just to make Darren feel comfortable around him even though he was embarrassed as hell after that moan that wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.
"I don't smoke." Darren replied, smiling against his lips and starting to make a trail of hot and short kisses down Chris's neck, that were sending shivers down his spine at the contact.
"Me neither." Chris stuttered, grabbing Darren's hair and releasing a shaky moan when Darren found his clavicle and started biting it softly.
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you
is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
So yeah, the extras? Those were supposed to be me and Kaitlyn (scissormirror). This is a work of fiction so... I can do pretty much everything I want to with my characters. -evil laugh-
Anyway, I hope you liked this, and if you did, review! And I wish a really happy birthday for scissormirror. Stay awesome, girl! -infinite cyberhugs-