[FIC] BtVS/AtS - Take You Away (1/1, PG-13)
Title: Take You Away (1/1)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Spoilers: This verse takes place post-Chosen (everything in Buffy really happened), and is selectively canon to AtS season 5 (meaning some things will happen canonically, some things won't. And they might happen out of order.) This particular story would take place just after "Soul Purpose."
Notes: This story is set in the same verse as "Poetic Justice" and "Tirer La Couture." You might wanna read those first. I'm not posting this as a WIP because the fics are more like snapshots of the verse.
Warning: This part has angst. Yup.
Thanks: to my beta-readers altyronsmaker and laazikaat for being the second and third set of eyes to check this story out. You really helped this part along - I think I'm actually proud of this one now. ^.^
Crack.
Xander's fists landed on the punching bag again and again, his features frozen in a twisted snarl. His movements were jerky, powered only by pure emotion. Crack. It had been three weeks since he'd left Africa. Crack. Crack. Three weeks since he had died. Crack. Three weeks since his bloodlust had completely taken him over, leading him to murder three people. Crack. Crack. Crack.
"You're finally startin' to look like a vampire."
Xander paused, stilling the swinging bag with both hands. His fingers nearly tore into the vinyl as he glared at the bag. "Because of my sudden urge to beat something up?" He shrugged sadly and turned towards Spike. "I can't tell if that's the demon in me, or if it's just all my pent-up frustration coming out."
Spike crossed his arms, taking a few steps into the circular training room and coming to a stop beside Xander. "Probably a bit of both, but I was talking about your skin." He reached out and grasped Xander's wrist, examining the white skin on the underside. "Tan's almost gone. You'll be just as pale as me n' Peaches soon."
Xander sighed, pulling his hand away from Spike. "Great. So then I'll not only feel dead, I'll look dead, too."
Spike tilted his head to the side, studying Xander through narrowed eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked finally.
Xander shrugged and looked at the ground, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It's just... I never really noticed my heart beating, but now that it's not, I can feel it." He raised his head and stared at Spike, but his eye seemed to be looking right through the other vampire. "I can feel it not beating. How weird is that?" His tone was flat, emotionless.
Spike watched Xander thoughtfully. "Might be because your body never had a chance to adjust to the demon before the soul took over."
"Maybe."
Spike studied Xander for another moment before moving to the other side of the punching bag. He grasped either side of it, holding it still, and gestured for Xander to continue his workout. "C'mon. Tell me what's got you in a snit, then."
Xander blinked. "Besides the obvious?"
"Even the obvious needs to be said. Let it all out, Xander."
Xander hesitated only for a moment before moving back towards the punching bag. He hit it once half-heartedly. "I've got too many questions."
"Harder. What kind of questions?"
Xander hit the punching bag again, putting a bit more power into it. "Millions of stupid, pointless questions that I really don't need to know the answers to." Xander sniffed, and smacked the bag a few more times, the strength growing harder with each strike. Crack. Crack. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Spike's boots slide back from the force of his hits, and he felt a kind of satisfaction rise up in him as he continued his assault. "Like what you were saying about my tan. If I got into a tanning bed, would I catch on fire since it's simulated sunlight, or would I actually get a tan?" Crack. "Or if I went up into space, would I catch on fire there, 'cuz - hello, sun? Kinda hard to avoid in space." Crack. Crack.
Spike raised an eyebrow and shifted, keeping the punching bag still so Xander could continue his attack. "Can't say I know the answer to that, but Fred might know." He paused. "Why would you want to go into space, anyway?"
Crack. "I don't!" Xander exclaimed. "That's why it's so pointless. I don't plan on tanning - I never did when I was alive, so why would I start now?" Crack. "Not to mention 'Vampires in Outer Space' just sounds like a horrible idea for a sci-fi flick." Crack.
"Been done already, anyway."
Xander paused and stared at Spike incredulously. "You're kidding."
"Nah. Bad movie of the late 60's."
"Did they catch on fire?"
Spike chuckled. "If they had, it woulda been a bloody short movie."
"It explains why it was never a classic."
Spike shook his head, smiling wryly as he stepped away from the punching bag. "What else?"
"What else what?"
"Can't be alien vampires that's got you all worked up." Spike cracked his neck and took a few steps towards Xander. "What other questions you got?" he asked, putting his hand out and beckoning Xander to come at him.
"You want me to fight you?" Xander laughed. "Spike... newfound vampire strength or not, you'll still kick my ass."
Spike threw a punch towards a surprised Xander, which he easily avoided. "Killed two Slayers and one of the watchers-in-training, didn't you? Let's see what you've got." He threw another punch and watched Xander's expression melt into fury as he grabbed Spike's arm using reflexes he didn't know he had.
"Now there's a good question." Xander pushed Spike away, snarling. "A newbie vamp kills two Slayers in less than thirty seconds? How the hell did I do that? How does any vampire do that?"
"Never been done before, that's for sure." Spike quickly regained his footing and began circling Xander. "But it's easy to see how."
Xander finally lashed out at Spike with a flurry of punches which were all easily blocked, but forced him back a few steps. "Tell me how, then," Xander hissed, shifting his feet and kicking high, aiming for Spike's chest. Spike caught Xander's foot between both of his hands and twisted, throwing Xander face-first into the ground. Xander quickly flipped over and twisted his legs in a circle, catching Spike behind the knees. Spike fell beside Xander, who rolled up on top and pinned him down. "Tell me why the Zeppo donut-boy makes such a fantastic killer," he said, his voice cracking with a combination of fury and sadness as he leaned over Spike's neck.
Spike bucked, throwing Xander off of him, and they both got to their feet. They started circling, stalking each other. "Is that still how you see yourself?" Spike asked quietly. Xander leapt towards Spike, only to find his momentum used against him as Spike caught him and threw him against the wall. Faster than Xander could turn to face his opponent, Spike had him pinned. "I see a boy who fought beside the Slayer for seven years. You watched her, learned from her. Figured out what makes a Slayer tick." He spun Xander around and quickly pinned him again, their faces so close that Spike's nose brushed up against Xander's cheek as he leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You knew how to make them weak." He released Xander and took a step back. "You were able to kill the Slayers so easily beacuse of who you were."
Xander's anger slipped away from him as he slid to the ground. "And that's not who I am anymore, is it?" The question was more like a statement, and Spike could not remember a time that Xander sounded so broken. "Even with the soul, I'll never be the person I was before."
Spike looked at Xander's blank face, and was forcibly reminded of the young, confused vampire he and Angel had found in the cave. "Got a demon inside you now." He reached down and dragged Xander to his feet, forcing him to stand on his own. "It wants to fight. It wants to kill. Don't deny it." Spike let his own demon out with a growl, his face shifting into the familiar visage. "Let it out and fight me."
Xander was shaking his head. "No. I can't."
Spike punched Xander in the jaw. "You mean you won't."
Xander took the hit, his head snapping to the side. He stared at Spike in shock. "Spike-"
Spike struck him again. "The demon wants to fight."
"I'm not the demon!" Xander shouted in frustration.
"Yes, you are!" Spike hit him once more, and Xander finally proved his words true as he turned his face back towards Spike, his demon out and snarling.
Xander leapt at Spike, colliding with him with a strength Spike hadn't expected. His fist struck the underside of Spike's jaw, and Spike flew across the training room, landing on his back. "The demon isn't Xander Harris," Xander said as he stalked towards Spike, careful calculation in his stride. "It's different from you, Spike. It's more like Angel than you." He reached Spike where he laid and stood over top of him, a leg on each side. "You asked for your soul. You accepted it willingly. My demon didn't." He reached down and grabbed Spike by his duster, pulling him up to face him. "The demon doesn't want the soul. It hates the soul. I can feel it." Spike shifted, trying to get free from Xander's hold, and he struck Spike across the face. "And it wants more than the fight." His voice was dripping with malice, and his single golden eye almost seemed to be glowing. "Do you know what else it wants, Spike?"
"No." Spike thrust his arms up and broke Xander's grip on his duster, getting back on his feet. "Why don't you tell me?"
Xander grinned maniacally, and Spike couldn't help but admire Xander's demon as the younger vampire came at him once more. "I don't exactly know why it is," Xander said as he threw punch after punch at Spike, all of which were matched and returned. "Maybe it's because Drusilla sired both of us. Maybe it's because you gave it to me willingly." Xander finally caught one of Spike's punches and spun around, twisting Spike's arm behind his back. "I don't know what it is about you, but..." Xander leaned in and inhaled deeply, savoring Spike's scent. "... your blood was more delicious than the blood of a Slayer." He pulled Spike closer to him, wrapping his other arm around Spike's waist, who nearly shivered as he felt Xander's lips ghost over his neck while he spoke. "The demon wants you."
Spike took a deep, unnecessary breath. "'Zat right?" he asked, his eyes sparking with curiousity and something else that Xander couldn't read.
Xander turned Spike in his arms so that they faced each other, and Spike could see lust in Xander's eye. Xander leaned closer, studying a cut just above Spike's mouth that had appeared during their fight. "It wants more than just your blood, Spike..." Xander placed his lips over the cut, sucking hard, and this time Spike did shiver as Xander pulled away, licking his upper lip slowly. "It wants all of you."
Spike raised his hand and placed his thumb on Xander's bottom lip. "An' you know what that means, pet?"
Xander's face shifted back to his human guise, the need still clearly evident in his expression, but resolve was mixed into it. "It means I want you," he whispered.
Spike nodded, morphing back to his own human face, as well. "Because you are the demon," he said. "Soul might hate the demon. Demon might hate the soul. But they're both a part of you now. Angel and Angelus. Spike and William. Xander and..." Spike moved his hand from Xander's lip and cupped his cheek. "Xander. All the same. We all have parts of ourselves that we hate."
Xander's arms tightened around Spike, and he tilted his neck so his forehead was resting against Spike's. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his eye squeezed shut.
Spike gently wrapped his hands around the back of Xander's neck, his thumb stroking his cheek. "Look at me."
Xander opened his eye. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
"Shut up," Spike said firmly, but not harsh. He threaded his fingers into Xander's hair. "You never wanted this," he continued, a hint of regret in his voice.
Xander let out a bitter, choking laugh. "You know I never wanted this. I didn't want to see my friends grow old and die. I didn't want to be constantly fighting a part of myself." He raised his head and smiled weakly at Spike. "You didn't want an undead and suddenly gay Xander Harris lusting after you, I'm sure."
Spike smirked. "Heard me complain?" Xander shook his head. "Then don't apologize."
Xander smiled back at Spike sadly, but genuine. "Thanks... for letting me take my frustration out on you."
"You needed it. An' I like a good tumble now and then." Spike's lips spread into a malicious grin. "If you keep it up, hone your skills... you'll be able to wipe Angel to the floor. Be staking vamps as fast as Buffy in no time."
"The first vampire I staked was my best friend," Xander suddenly blurted out. "And I've killed so many of them since then. What if some of them were actually like us, had souls? What if-"
Spike cut Xander off. "There are no other vampires like us, pet. You, me, Angel... we're it."
"I know." Xander winced and released Spike, raising his hands to cover Spike's wrists. "But why?" he whispered painfully. "Why are we so special?"
Spike shook his head. "You know there's no answer to that."
"I know. More stupid questions." Xander sighed, and leaned back into Spike's touch. "You really don't mind me?"
"Mind you?" Spike released Xander and took a step back, but his fingers still rested on Xander's arm. "Bloody hell, pet, I came here to take you away with me."
Xander stared at Spike in shock. "What?"
"Wolfram and Hart - there's no good here. It might be Angel's dig, but it's not mine." Spike's fingers trailed down to Xander's hand. "Not yours, either."
"Where are we going?"
Spike smiled genuinely at Xander's unspoken agreement to come with him. "Still L.A., but better than this. Some random bloke gave me a place to stay. He gets these visions, letting me know when people need help."
"Weird." The pair began walking out of the training room, their fingers still interlaced. Xander's gaze never left Spike's face. "Have you really changed that much? It's not like you to follow anyone's orders."
"Yeah, but he's the one who made me not a ghost, so I figure I owe him. Calls himself Doyle..."
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Spoilers: This verse takes place post-Chosen (everything in Buffy really happened), and is selectively canon to AtS season 5 (meaning some things will happen canonically, some things won't. And they might happen out of order.) This particular story would take place just after "Soul Purpose."
Notes: This story is set in the same verse as "Poetic Justice" and "Tirer La Couture." You might wanna read those first. I'm not posting this as a WIP because the fics are more like snapshots of the verse.
Warning: This part has angst. Yup.
Thanks: to my beta-readers altyronsmaker and laazikaat for being the second and third set of eyes to check this story out. You really helped this part along - I think I'm actually proud of this one now. ^.^
Crack.
Xander's fists landed on the punching bag again and again, his features frozen in a twisted snarl. His movements were jerky, powered only by pure emotion. Crack. It had been three weeks since he'd left Africa. Crack. Crack. Three weeks since he had died. Crack. Three weeks since his bloodlust had completely taken him over, leading him to murder three people. Crack. Crack. Crack.
"You're finally startin' to look like a vampire."
Xander paused, stilling the swinging bag with both hands. His fingers nearly tore into the vinyl as he glared at the bag. "Because of my sudden urge to beat something up?" He shrugged sadly and turned towards Spike. "I can't tell if that's the demon in me, or if it's just all my pent-up frustration coming out."
Spike crossed his arms, taking a few steps into the circular training room and coming to a stop beside Xander. "Probably a bit of both, but I was talking about your skin." He reached out and grasped Xander's wrist, examining the white skin on the underside. "Tan's almost gone. You'll be just as pale as me n' Peaches soon."
Xander sighed, pulling his hand away from Spike. "Great. So then I'll not only feel dead, I'll look dead, too."
Spike tilted his head to the side, studying Xander through narrowed eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked finally.
Xander shrugged and looked at the ground, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It's just... I never really noticed my heart beating, but now that it's not, I can feel it." He raised his head and stared at Spike, but his eye seemed to be looking right through the other vampire. "I can feel it not beating. How weird is that?" His tone was flat, emotionless.
Spike watched Xander thoughtfully. "Might be because your body never had a chance to adjust to the demon before the soul took over."
"Maybe."
Spike studied Xander for another moment before moving to the other side of the punching bag. He grasped either side of it, holding it still, and gestured for Xander to continue his workout. "C'mon. Tell me what's got you in a snit, then."
Xander blinked. "Besides the obvious?"
"Even the obvious needs to be said. Let it all out, Xander."
Xander hesitated only for a moment before moving back towards the punching bag. He hit it once half-heartedly. "I've got too many questions."
"Harder. What kind of questions?"
Xander hit the punching bag again, putting a bit more power into it. "Millions of stupid, pointless questions that I really don't need to know the answers to." Xander sniffed, and smacked the bag a few more times, the strength growing harder with each strike. Crack. Crack. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Spike's boots slide back from the force of his hits, and he felt a kind of satisfaction rise up in him as he continued his assault. "Like what you were saying about my tan. If I got into a tanning bed, would I catch on fire since it's simulated sunlight, or would I actually get a tan?" Crack. "Or if I went up into space, would I catch on fire there, 'cuz - hello, sun? Kinda hard to avoid in space." Crack. Crack.
Spike raised an eyebrow and shifted, keeping the punching bag still so Xander could continue his attack. "Can't say I know the answer to that, but Fred might know." He paused. "Why would you want to go into space, anyway?"
Crack. "I don't!" Xander exclaimed. "That's why it's so pointless. I don't plan on tanning - I never did when I was alive, so why would I start now?" Crack. "Not to mention 'Vampires in Outer Space' just sounds like a horrible idea for a sci-fi flick." Crack.
"Been done already, anyway."
Xander paused and stared at Spike incredulously. "You're kidding."
"Nah. Bad movie of the late 60's."
"Did they catch on fire?"
Spike chuckled. "If they had, it woulda been a bloody short movie."
"It explains why it was never a classic."
Spike shook his head, smiling wryly as he stepped away from the punching bag. "What else?"
"What else what?"
"Can't be alien vampires that's got you all worked up." Spike cracked his neck and took a few steps towards Xander. "What other questions you got?" he asked, putting his hand out and beckoning Xander to come at him.
"You want me to fight you?" Xander laughed. "Spike... newfound vampire strength or not, you'll still kick my ass."
Spike threw a punch towards a surprised Xander, which he easily avoided. "Killed two Slayers and one of the watchers-in-training, didn't you? Let's see what you've got." He threw another punch and watched Xander's expression melt into fury as he grabbed Spike's arm using reflexes he didn't know he had.
"Now there's a good question." Xander pushed Spike away, snarling. "A newbie vamp kills two Slayers in less than thirty seconds? How the hell did I do that? How does any vampire do that?"
"Never been done before, that's for sure." Spike quickly regained his footing and began circling Xander. "But it's easy to see how."
Xander finally lashed out at Spike with a flurry of punches which were all easily blocked, but forced him back a few steps. "Tell me how, then," Xander hissed, shifting his feet and kicking high, aiming for Spike's chest. Spike caught Xander's foot between both of his hands and twisted, throwing Xander face-first into the ground. Xander quickly flipped over and twisted his legs in a circle, catching Spike behind the knees. Spike fell beside Xander, who rolled up on top and pinned him down. "Tell me why the Zeppo donut-boy makes such a fantastic killer," he said, his voice cracking with a combination of fury and sadness as he leaned over Spike's neck.
Spike bucked, throwing Xander off of him, and they both got to their feet. They started circling, stalking each other. "Is that still how you see yourself?" Spike asked quietly. Xander leapt towards Spike, only to find his momentum used against him as Spike caught him and threw him against the wall. Faster than Xander could turn to face his opponent, Spike had him pinned. "I see a boy who fought beside the Slayer for seven years. You watched her, learned from her. Figured out what makes a Slayer tick." He spun Xander around and quickly pinned him again, their faces so close that Spike's nose brushed up against Xander's cheek as he leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You knew how to make them weak." He released Xander and took a step back. "You were able to kill the Slayers so easily beacuse of who you were."
Xander's anger slipped away from him as he slid to the ground. "And that's not who I am anymore, is it?" The question was more like a statement, and Spike could not remember a time that Xander sounded so broken. "Even with the soul, I'll never be the person I was before."
Spike looked at Xander's blank face, and was forcibly reminded of the young, confused vampire he and Angel had found in the cave. "Got a demon inside you now." He reached down and dragged Xander to his feet, forcing him to stand on his own. "It wants to fight. It wants to kill. Don't deny it." Spike let his own demon out with a growl, his face shifting into the familiar visage. "Let it out and fight me."
Xander was shaking his head. "No. I can't."
Spike punched Xander in the jaw. "You mean you won't."
Xander took the hit, his head snapping to the side. He stared at Spike in shock. "Spike-"
Spike struck him again. "The demon wants to fight."
"I'm not the demon!" Xander shouted in frustration.
"Yes, you are!" Spike hit him once more, and Xander finally proved his words true as he turned his face back towards Spike, his demon out and snarling.
Xander leapt at Spike, colliding with him with a strength Spike hadn't expected. His fist struck the underside of Spike's jaw, and Spike flew across the training room, landing on his back. "The demon isn't Xander Harris," Xander said as he stalked towards Spike, careful calculation in his stride. "It's different from you, Spike. It's more like Angel than you." He reached Spike where he laid and stood over top of him, a leg on each side. "You asked for your soul. You accepted it willingly. My demon didn't." He reached down and grabbed Spike by his duster, pulling him up to face him. "The demon doesn't want the soul. It hates the soul. I can feel it." Spike shifted, trying to get free from Xander's hold, and he struck Spike across the face. "And it wants more than the fight." His voice was dripping with malice, and his single golden eye almost seemed to be glowing. "Do you know what else it wants, Spike?"
"No." Spike thrust his arms up and broke Xander's grip on his duster, getting back on his feet. "Why don't you tell me?"
Xander grinned maniacally, and Spike couldn't help but admire Xander's demon as the younger vampire came at him once more. "I don't exactly know why it is," Xander said as he threw punch after punch at Spike, all of which were matched and returned. "Maybe it's because Drusilla sired both of us. Maybe it's because you gave it to me willingly." Xander finally caught one of Spike's punches and spun around, twisting Spike's arm behind his back. "I don't know what it is about you, but..." Xander leaned in and inhaled deeply, savoring Spike's scent. "... your blood was more delicious than the blood of a Slayer." He pulled Spike closer to him, wrapping his other arm around Spike's waist, who nearly shivered as he felt Xander's lips ghost over his neck while he spoke. "The demon wants you."
Spike took a deep, unnecessary breath. "'Zat right?" he asked, his eyes sparking with curiousity and something else that Xander couldn't read.
Xander turned Spike in his arms so that they faced each other, and Spike could see lust in Xander's eye. Xander leaned closer, studying a cut just above Spike's mouth that had appeared during their fight. "It wants more than just your blood, Spike..." Xander placed his lips over the cut, sucking hard, and this time Spike did shiver as Xander pulled away, licking his upper lip slowly. "It wants all of you."
Spike raised his hand and placed his thumb on Xander's bottom lip. "An' you know what that means, pet?"
Xander's face shifted back to his human guise, the need still clearly evident in his expression, but resolve was mixed into it. "It means I want you," he whispered.
Spike nodded, morphing back to his own human face, as well. "Because you are the demon," he said. "Soul might hate the demon. Demon might hate the soul. But they're both a part of you now. Angel and Angelus. Spike and William. Xander and..." Spike moved his hand from Xander's lip and cupped his cheek. "Xander. All the same. We all have parts of ourselves that we hate."
Xander's arms tightened around Spike, and he tilted his neck so his forehead was resting against Spike's. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his eye squeezed shut.
Spike gently wrapped his hands around the back of Xander's neck, his thumb stroking his cheek. "Look at me."
Xander opened his eye. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
"Shut up," Spike said firmly, but not harsh. He threaded his fingers into Xander's hair. "You never wanted this," he continued, a hint of regret in his voice.
Xander let out a bitter, choking laugh. "You know I never wanted this. I didn't want to see my friends grow old and die. I didn't want to be constantly fighting a part of myself." He raised his head and smiled weakly at Spike. "You didn't want an undead and suddenly gay Xander Harris lusting after you, I'm sure."
Spike smirked. "Heard me complain?" Xander shook his head. "Then don't apologize."
Xander smiled back at Spike sadly, but genuine. "Thanks... for letting me take my frustration out on you."
"You needed it. An' I like a good tumble now and then." Spike's lips spread into a malicious grin. "If you keep it up, hone your skills... you'll be able to wipe Angel to the floor. Be staking vamps as fast as Buffy in no time."
"The first vampire I staked was my best friend," Xander suddenly blurted out. "And I've killed so many of them since then. What if some of them were actually like us, had souls? What if-"
Spike cut Xander off. "There are no other vampires like us, pet. You, me, Angel... we're it."
"I know." Xander winced and released Spike, raising his hands to cover Spike's wrists. "But why?" he whispered painfully. "Why are we so special?"
Spike shook his head. "You know there's no answer to that."
"I know. More stupid questions." Xander sighed, and leaned back into Spike's touch. "You really don't mind me?"
"Mind you?" Spike released Xander and took a step back, but his fingers still rested on Xander's arm. "Bloody hell, pet, I came here to take you away with me."
Xander stared at Spike in shock. "What?"
"Wolfram and Hart - there's no good here. It might be Angel's dig, but it's not mine." Spike's fingers trailed down to Xander's hand. "Not yours, either."
"Where are we going?"
Spike smiled genuinely at Xander's unspoken agreement to come with him. "Still L.A., but better than this. Some random bloke gave me a place to stay. He gets these visions, letting me know when people need help."
"Weird." The pair began walking out of the training room, their fingers still interlaced. Xander's gaze never left Spike's face. "Have you really changed that much? It's not like you to follow anyone's orders."
"Yeah, but he's the one who made me not a ghost, so I figure I owe him. Calls himself Doyle..."