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Hey vice pals, posting the next chapter in this story. Those reading hope you enjoy this and the turns that are starting to form.....thanks Sue
THE CURRENT CAN CHANGE ON A DIME
BY SUE MCNIECE
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters. Anthony Yerkovich created Miami Vice and Michael Mann was Executive producer, I thank them for that. This is just a fan fiction from my warped mind.
CHAPTER TEN
Sonny poured the red liquid into the two glasses making them turn color. He put the bottle down before handing the glass over to Julie. Both stood on the bridge, Sonny leaning against the center of the console and Julie leaning against the corner so she could see the water and city while they drank their wine.
The female cop was relaxed, enjoying the sights. She especially was enjoying the view of the handsome man that was only a few feet away from her. So what if he was seventeen years older than she, what was in age anyway? She pushed the thought out of her mind. She was here to help Crockett with the pain of Rico’s kidnapping. She suddenly realized he was quiet, pensive, as they drank and took in the view. He seemed far away, probably thinking about a partner he didn’t know the fate of. She berated her self, thinking that this was the reason she had come by in the first place.
Crockett suddenly felt nervous around this young beautiful woman. He’d never been shy with the ladies and certainly never nervous. Well, maybe the first few times after Caitie had died. That was the only time he could remember feeling this way, like he did as a young child with his first crush. He often acted on impulse and he had earlier with Julie, he cursed that impulsiveness now. What business did he have anyway thinking about this woman with what was going on with Rico? His thoughts turned to Rico. His nerves were raw as he thought about his partner and distantly, how to nicely have this woman go without closing the door on a possible future.
Thoughts swirled around, changing to images of Rico being hurt, caged like a prisoner of war. He remembered Nam and the prisoners of war, was that Rico? Anger rose at the thought of Fuente and his people touching or hurting his partner in anyway. Just like the VC had hurt people he knew, like Scotty Shephard before he was killed. He didn’t realize he visibly shivered at the thought. Flash backs flew through his mind like a slide show. Every face from the atrocities of the dying and tortured souls in Nam was Rico’s. All Crockett’s surroundings left him. The darkness taking him to the past and away from the nervousness and thoughts of Julie, he didn’t even see her anymore, just Rico and his past. Only nausea and dread filled his gut, sweat ran like rain, down his face.
Julie noticed Sonny shiver, though it wasn’t cold and she saw the pool of sweat trickling down his face. The girl put down her drink, took a few steps towards him. She stood still for a moment seeing something in his eyes, a far away look, with a stare that saw nothing around him. Where was he? Was he thinking of Rico as she had thought before? Slowly she raised her hand, touching his arm, to comfort him.
Instead, they both jumped when he was startled by her touch. His wine glass dropped and brought him suddenly back to the present. His face took on bewilderment; a pallor color took over his tan. Green eyes tried to focus. He realized he couldn’t move, couldn’t even wipe the sweat that profusely ran down his face. All he could do was watch as the blonde woman picked up the glass that he figured he had dropped.
What the hell had just happened? He could remember the flashes but didn’t understand why they’d come about. The flashes from Nam hadn’t happened since he’d seen Ira Stone and that was many years ago. Ira, the crazy reporter and weasel of a friend had chased greed over a story from that insidious war in Vietnam. The story of what Captain real estate, other wise known as Maynard, had done with the heroin, hidden in dead soldiers to smuggle it back into the USA. Ira had found out, shown Sonny and died because of it and the American dream, greed.
Of course during his bout with Burnett and the amnesia he had had flashes, but those were different and through the shrinks, he had found out why. Was this episode also caused by heavy stress? He didn’t know, just stood there and grasped at whatever he could to pull himself together.
Julie went down the stairs to dispose of the glass. She came back up with two towels and used the first one to wipe up the wine. Placing the towel down she went to stand in front of Sonny, the pale face that was there before had recovered to its natural tan. She gave him the other towel to wipe off the heavy sweat. Her blue sapphire eyes met remorseful jade green ones. Instinctively her hands rubbed both his arms. She heard a heavy sigh and watched his adams apple bob in a hard swallow while he pulled back his one arm and used the towel to clean his face. She stood and waited for him to let the towel drop. Never leaving the lock of his eyes her arms wrapped the vulnerable man in a reassuring hug, his arms attached to her body, afraid for the moment to let go.
Sonny held onto Julie, disgusted with himself, yet needing to hold on to something in order to hold on to sanity. At one time he had been afraid he was going insane, he didn’t want that fear to come back. Just the taste of that fear in the past fifteen minutes or so scared the hell out of him, but that wasn’t the only thing that scared him.
Jesus, how could he be so vulnerable in front of this woman, a woman who he hardly knew? This woman only knew of his strong side, the bravado side. That was the side of Sonny Crockett he allowed people to see. Very few people ever saw this privy side of him, only people like Rico, Caitlin, and Caroline. Yet he needed the hug, that warm body to remind himself of his sanity. Quickly, he collected his thoughts and started to reclaim the strength needed.
Crockett’s eyes blinked, an apologetic look formed in them and over his face, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to zone out like that.” A smile crossed his face and then he released her. “Thanks for cleaning up and for the hug, guess I needed that.” The green eyes shifted away. He felt embarrassed but didn’t show it. He fell into the chair, not only to get away from Julie but also to hide the shakiness of his legs.
“Sonny, what was that? It was like you were somewhere else, a million miles away.” Julie asked from a distance, afraid to invade his personal space.
“Christ.” He ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair, “That hasn’t happened in a long time,” he gave a tired sigh while trying to do what he was good at, pushing his feeling down. He knew Dr. Phillips wouldn’t approve. She had told him he shouldn’t push his feelings aside, he should open up and look at them. But then, that wasn’t Sonny. Sure, he’d gotten better with opening up, a lot better, as far as he was concerned, only right now he just couldn’t keep his vulnerable side out in the open and do an effective job. Sonny thought about the answer he should give Julie and the answer he would give her. He had to be vague, “I wasn’t a million miles away………just in the jungle.” The last part was spoken very soft. The images still fresh in his mind.
“I don’t understand. Jungle? Is this about Rico?” Julie inquired, thinking Jungle meant the mess that was happening with Rico. She didn’t realize that what she thought was partly true and certainly didn’t know about the flashbacks to Nam that Sonny had had.
Sonny waved his hands around, not knowing how to answer the question about the jungle. His hands slapped down on his lap in defeat. Vague, Crockett, you have to stay away from the jungle, what really went through your mind, “A …. Yeah, Rico.” Sonny muttered, keeping things on only the present with Rico. He drew in a breath of humid air. The Jungle air, it felt like the air in Nam, he thought. To appear normal he had to push the feelings down deeper, a task he was used to.
“Then tell me about your partnership, it might make you feel better,” Julie encouraged, “I’ve heard of some partnerships being like a marriage, is that how it is with Tubbs?”
“Something like that. Some have said we were joined at the hip, or talking to one of us was like talking to both of us, still is. A marriage? I reckon a lot of partners are like that and if so, he’s the nag,” Crockett gave a fond smile, “but also the optimist and anchor, though at times I anchored him,” Sonny shared thoughtfully, “just with brief eye contact we’d know what the other was thinkin’, saved our butts many a time. I missed him these past four years. Coming back to Florida, to Miami and then transferring back down here to Vice,” He sighed softly running his hand over his face, “then I returned, I was glad we’d be partners again and then this happened,” Sonny outstretched his arms, resting his palms back on his lap, “Who would’ve thought? Just goes to show you the current can change on a dime.”
Julie thought about what the detective had just said, saw what he must be going through. They had depended on each other for so long, a friendship growing from being partners and a hope to have it all again. Was that what happened when Crockett had zoned out? Like he said, the current can change on a dime, meaning that life can change so quickly, positive situations turning into negative ones, like his marriage with Caitlin Davies. The blonde felt her heart breaking for both men and especially for Sonny. So much hurt and the pain he must have gone through over the years, Caitlin’s dead and other things hadn’t turned back to the positive. The current had changed like a dime, many times in this mans life. She only hoped the current would turn positive in the end, this time. She knew Crockett hadn’t realized he’d given so much away, which Parish had figured out to be the reasons for the ever changing moods she had heard about from the other officers who knew Crockett well.
Crockett’s thoughts skipped back to Rico being held by Fuente. Calm and normal slipped away, again, to exploding anger at the thoughts. Suddenly he shot up from the seat and banged the same hand he hurt before on the console.
“Damn Fuente! He’s in a world of hurt if he touches Rico!” Sonny raged and then held his hand. It hurt worse than when he had banged it in the cabin and hoped the swollen hand wasn’t hurt to badly. He clamped down on the anger and concentrated on his hand. He cursed himself as he moved his fingers gingerly. He felt relieved that it wasn’t broken, just bruised from his stupidity, but hitting something did help release the fury.
Julie had heard of the many moods of Sonny Crockett and the rages that he would have. The detectives that had been there longer had told her of how Crockett would be the only one of them brazen enough to dare yell at the lieutenant and survive. And how he’d often come out of that office and kick a trash can across the squad room. Now she believed them. Parish also had seen the caring part of this man, as well as the vulnerable side the other detectives knew Sonny tried to hide.
Crockett realized Parish was still aboard. How could he be so stupid? He’d let her see so many sides that he’d rather her not have seen. He knew more than before, that he had to say something and gently escort her off the boat. He didn’t want her afraid of him like she originally had been. Great Crockett, probably too late for that one, he pondered. Green eyes met blue ones when he stepped closer.
“Listen, this whole thing with Tubbs has to have my full attention. I’m not proud of what you saw, but I’m tired and the ole brain is in a jumble. I promise I’m not always like this, really,” He tried to reassure the lady in front of him, “I appreciate you thinking of me and stopping by, guess the timing wasn’t so good after all, but the thought was.” Sonny tried to lighten things up with a little charm and a caring smile, “My actions have nothing to do with you.” He pressed the palm of his good hand against her cheek. When she accepted the caress and leaned into it, he knew she had forgiven him.
“It’s alright. It was brazen of me to come out here not invited.” Julie smiled back at Sonny. Her hand caught his when it left her cheek.
“I’d like a rain check, after Rico comes back?” His voice was tender, soothing and it was plain to see he really did want a chance to get to know Julie without the tensions of losing Rico.
“Sounds good.” Julie climbed down the ladder and waited for Sonny to join her on the main deck. She did want to get to know Sonny Crockett as a man, not a cop and not as the boss he would soon be to her. But she knew that what she’d seen was a haunted man filled with guilt she didn’t understand, over the kidnapping of his partner, friend and brother. She had heard of the detective taking on guilt that didn’t belong to him. But what she had read about the Fuente case from several years back, she understood why he would take that guilt on.
He spoke as he put his arm around her waist, guiding her across the deck and then helping her onto the dock “Like I told Tubbs, I’m not a box of candy, but I promise we’ll go out. I just can’t think of anything right now, only getting Rico back. I hope you can understand that.” He wanted her to understand and give him another chance after all this was over, but he wasn’t sure she would. Crockett only knew he needed her to leave.
Julie nodded while she listened. Sure she could understand and wished once again she hadn’t imposed on this man. “I understand and I look forward to the rain check.”
Sonny’s brow rose, “You weren’t brazen, well maybe, to come into the lion’s den the way you did,” He chuckled half heartedly, “I ain’t like this all the time, not even a lot of the time, I swear. Thanks for stopping by and I’ll see you at the station tomorrow, ok?” He’d hoped that the situation had been salvaged as he looked up at the young woman.
“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning and I hope with this rain check I see some of that Southern gentleman charm.”
“Oh that I have plenty of, I AM, a Southern gentleman,” A reassuring smile covered his face.
“I’m holding you to that, Crockett.” Julie tossed over her shoulder along with her long silky blonde hair. All that was left was the sound of her sandals clomping on the wooden dock.
“Alright, Parish.” Sonny’s voice rose in an answer. Then the Southerner watched the beautiful debutant cop head down the dock and get into her car. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, a breath of relief, when the car drove away.
Gina had gone back to her empty apartment. Only there for a few minutes she knew she didn’t want to be alone and knew she needed to be with Gordon. A drive would clear her mind and being held by the man she loved, Gina hoped it would take the thoughts of Sonny away, putting them where they belonged.
She pulled onto the road, the top down, blowing her hair wildly as her mind raced like the engine of the car. The thoughts kept invading. Her mind partly on the road, the other part watching the past clearly fly by, of the man she had also loved but couldn’t offer her what she needed, James “Sonny” Crockett. He was walking into a death trap, the fear coursed through her veins and she remembered the fierce eyes turning soft when he looked at her as he mapped out his plan in the briefing. She knew it was his way of trying to make the brunette along with the others not worry about what he already knew could happen.
Fear brought the memories bouncing back. The first memory made her warm as she remembered feeling safe in Sonny’s arms when they used to lie on the bench seat of the St. Vitus. The next jumped to sleeping, snuggled up to this man. She remembered the many times she’d wake first and enjoyed watching him with the peace that only held his face in sleep. Memories of parties they’d had with friends and sleeping in his favorite football jersey fled by. She also remembered the times he’d been there for her even after they had broken up. How after she’d been raped by a pimp when her cover was blown. She’d shot this horrible man and Sonny’s eyes locked to hers before being drawn into his arms for comfort. Next to flash by was him being there for her when she dated Sean Caroon and how he’d stuck up for her until they found out that Sean was indeed still a terrorist. He had waited until everyone had left the briefing, came to her, wanting to make sure she was alright and genuinely sorry that it hadn’t worked out. Later she had held a gun on Sean, not knowing the terrorist was about to pull his own out and kill her. Luckily, Sonny had snuck up and saw the Irishman’s hand move to the gun. He realized what this man was going to do and shot Sean, saving Gina from both, having to kill Caroon and being shot. When the man had died and fallen to the tamarac, she had ran to the wall of the roof, flanked by Rico on one side and Sonny on the other. They both stood there supporting their follow officer and friend. Naturally, Gina had turned to the safety of Sonny’s arms and cried as he held her and whispered softly into her ear. She remembered how he took her home and as it happened every now and then, they made love. Even broken up they would still be there for one another, a safe harbor for both. After that night she knew she’d be alright.
Gina’s thoughts whirled to the jealousy she felt for the man she had wanted to love her and someday marry her. She could clearly recall Brenda, Theresa and other unnamed women he had been with, it hurt her. Thinking about it now, brought reminisce of just how much. At first she knew he didn’t realize what he was doing to her, until Rico had spoken to his partner. Then Sonny showed more sensitivity towards her. Rico had always been good to Gina, albeit he always stood by his partner, trying not to get in the middle. Rico, the partner Sonny loved so much he was willing to take the chance of rescuing him, even if that meant he’d die in the process. The detective shook at comprehending this fact.
Her memories continued. They again brought to mind, how back then, they occasionally still slept together. Feeling compassion in the job that few understood, they’d placate one another when in need. And she knew she wasn’t the only one soothed by his caring. Trudy had told her partner but never got into detail. All Trudy had told her partner was that she needed someone and Sonny had stayed behind and waited for her. He had been a bit high from the coke thrown in his face by Adonis. The high didn’t last to long and the comfort was there for her. The good looking blond had slept with her. Trudy had admitted to her neediness and not wanting to be alone. Gina had been jealous but knew that losing David at the expensive of her job, she had needed someone, that someone was Sonny. That person had always been Sonny. He would hone in with sincere empathy and it wasn’t to get laid, that played no part in the sex that occasionally happened between Sonny and Trudy, or Sonny and her. This was to comfort, to ease the pain. How could she blame any of them for that? After all she and her partner did the same thing for Sonny.
What had finally broken the pattern and had shown the Hispanic detective that sleeping together, with her and rarely with Trudy would end, was his marriage to Caitlin Davies. He cared enough to pull her aside and explain about the marriage. She wanted to hate this Caitlin but found the Scottish singer to be likeable and feisty, a challenge to Sonny. She showed Crockett that they were still friends by choosing the honeymoon that everyone had chipped in for. Over the years, things that had happened let her know he did feel more for her than others co-workers, except, maybe Rico, but he was Sonny’s partner. There was a special place in his heart for her, like she had for him.
The thoughts flew by like the drive. She found herself at Gordon’s and smiled at the thought that she had finally met the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He was everything she had wanted and more. Yet in the back of her mind she didn’t like or understand why Sonny being around again was pushing feelings out that she thought were forever in a special place. She wondered if it was seeing him again after four years. And also wondered if it was the fear of what he was about to do that unlocked that door to this place in her heart. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Hopefully, being with Gordon and telling him her fears about this case would help with filing these feelings away. Thank God, Gordon wasn’t jealous of Crockett. He liked and respected the man, even worked with Crockett a few times. She’d been honest with Gordon, in every way, including about Sonny. She knew they’d make love after they spoke and would fall asleep in safe bliss. Sliding out of her car, hoping that after tonight everything would be put back in the place they belonged, she went up to the door, unlocked it and went inside.
A hand ran across the sheets on the empty side of the bed. Brown eyes slowly opened at the feel of the cold vacant spot. Light slid through the blinds letting her know it was morning. She blinked, almost wanting to go back to sleep, but not alone and now with the clock blaring 6:30 a.m. it was impossible. The pretty brunette rose and slipped into a satin robe before padding out of the bedroom and around the house in search of her missing companion.
Gina had been staying at Gordon’s more and more over the two years they’d been together. Her clothes and personal items slowly moving from her apartment to his house and an extra key was added to her key ring. Now that they were engaged she stayed at the lawyer’s home at least five times a week, only using her apartment a couple of days when on long assignments or very late nights. He wanted her to move in permanently since they were marrying in less than three months and would be living there anyway. She happily told him when her lease was up next month she’d move in. Staying at the apartment twice a week gave her justification for why she still paid the rent and bills there.
Wandering around the house she finally found Gordon tucked away in his office. The brunette stood in the doorway watching her fiancé. He was showered, dressed and looking over a file as he sat in the big leather chair behind his desk. Gina wandered in coming to stand in back of the chair and startled the lawyer when her arms slid around him.
“You’re up early. I reached for you and the bed was empty.” Gina kissed his cheek.
“I have to be in court early. I told you, this case is important, so I decided to review the file, again.” Gordon answered while he closed that file.
“Well can’t have you going to court on an empty stomach. Come on and I’ll make some breakfast.” She took her arms from around him, walked to the doorway and looked over her shoulder to see if he was following her. He didn’t seem right. Maybe this case had him nervous.
Gordon poured two mugs of coffee from a pot that he had made earlier. He also took two glasses down filling them with orange juice. The lawyer watched the woman he loved pop bread in the toaster and then go back to scrambling some eggs. He’d have to speak to her about last night. She had fallen right to sleep after making love. He could only toss and turn, barely getting any sleep until he finally got up and hit the shower.
Gina buttered the toast and then slid the eggs onto two plates. She laid them down on the table before taking a seat and a sip of her coffee.
“You always make my coffee the way I love it.” She smiled with appreciation.
Gordon took a bite of his toast and then sipped his coffee. “I only want to make you happy.” Softly came from his lips.
The detective looked up with a smile, “You do make me happy, happier than I ever thought I’d be.” The cop in her noticed his somber look, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Gordon sighed, it was time. “I want to make you happy. Only last night you were so afraid and I wanted to be there for you. I know you felt better after we talked, and that you were totally there with me,” This was harder than he thought it would be. He didn’t think of him self as a jealous man, but after last night he had to make sure, he had to tell her. They’d both had to be sure of their future together. He gazed at the beautiful woman before him. Even without make-up and hair mussed up, she was beautiful, “Gina, I love you, but last night when we made love,” He paused for a moment to get his thoughts together, “when we ……. When we peaked and just a few moments before, you started calling me……..Sonny.”
Shock over took Gina’s face. How could she have done that? She loved this man, yet hurt him by calling her ex-lovers name. “Oh God.” A trembling hand reached her mouth, “Gordon, I’m so sorry. I know it’s this case but still I never meant to hurt you, I love you. You have to believe me.” Desperate eyes tried not to let the tears that shone in them fall.
“I know you love me, but you loved Sonny once and it took a long time to get over him. Now, something is going on, maybe what you told me last night, maybe not. Still, I think you need to spend time at your place. Finish this case, think about things and when you figure it all out I’ll be here. We can’t start a marriage with Crockett in between us. I know you didn’t do it purposely. I just need you to figure out where he belongs. Maybe after this case you can do that. You know I like Sonny, but I love you and I’m not going to share you with a memory of a relationship that was years ago. I know the fear is setting some of it off but you are the only one that can find out the answers to all the questions. If not, you may need to talk to Sonny. I need you to be sure about us and I think some time away is needed. You know you can call me, but you have to do this part without me.” Gordon stood up, his hand rested on her shoulder. It saddened him to see the tears running down her face as she looked up at him.
Gina sniffled. God, she did remember, but had thought it was a dream. She was making love to Gordon and then he had suddenly turned into Sonny. She felt her face heat with shame at the sudden clarity of recollection. Gina had actually seen, made love and called out Sonny’s name. How that must have hurt Gordon. He was right, she had to settle this in her mind and it had to be away from him, on her own.
“You’re right, I need to figure this all out so I can get on with life,” She stood, kissed his cheek and whispered, “I love you, don’t forget that.” Without waiting Gina left the kitchen to shower, get ready for work and pack up some things before she left to go to OCB.
Gordon stood and watched the woman he loved leave the kitchen. He cleaned up, grabbed his keys and went into his study. He locked the file in his brief case and then left for his law office and a day in court.
TBC
THE CURRENT CAN CHANGE ON A DIME
BY SUE MCNIECE
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters. Anthony Yerkovich created Miami Vice and Michael Mann was Executive producer, I thank them for that. This is just a fan fiction from my warped mind.
CHAPTER TEN
Sonny poured the red liquid into the two glasses making them turn color. He put the bottle down before handing the glass over to Julie. Both stood on the bridge, Sonny leaning against the center of the console and Julie leaning against the corner so she could see the water and city while they drank their wine.
The female cop was relaxed, enjoying the sights. She especially was enjoying the view of the handsome man that was only a few feet away from her. So what if he was seventeen years older than she, what was in age anyway? She pushed the thought out of her mind. She was here to help Crockett with the pain of Rico’s kidnapping. She suddenly realized he was quiet, pensive, as they drank and took in the view. He seemed far away, probably thinking about a partner he didn’t know the fate of. She berated her self, thinking that this was the reason she had come by in the first place.
Crockett suddenly felt nervous around this young beautiful woman. He’d never been shy with the ladies and certainly never nervous. Well, maybe the first few times after Caitie had died. That was the only time he could remember feeling this way, like he did as a young child with his first crush. He often acted on impulse and he had earlier with Julie, he cursed that impulsiveness now. What business did he have anyway thinking about this woman with what was going on with Rico? His thoughts turned to Rico. His nerves were raw as he thought about his partner and distantly, how to nicely have this woman go without closing the door on a possible future.
Thoughts swirled around, changing to images of Rico being hurt, caged like a prisoner of war. He remembered Nam and the prisoners of war, was that Rico? Anger rose at the thought of Fuente and his people touching or hurting his partner in anyway. Just like the VC had hurt people he knew, like Scotty Shephard before he was killed. He didn’t realize he visibly shivered at the thought. Flash backs flew through his mind like a slide show. Every face from the atrocities of the dying and tortured souls in Nam was Rico’s. All Crockett’s surroundings left him. The darkness taking him to the past and away from the nervousness and thoughts of Julie, he didn’t even see her anymore, just Rico and his past. Only nausea and dread filled his gut, sweat ran like rain, down his face.
Julie noticed Sonny shiver, though it wasn’t cold and she saw the pool of sweat trickling down his face. The girl put down her drink, took a few steps towards him. She stood still for a moment seeing something in his eyes, a far away look, with a stare that saw nothing around him. Where was he? Was he thinking of Rico as she had thought before? Slowly she raised her hand, touching his arm, to comfort him.
Instead, they both jumped when he was startled by her touch. His wine glass dropped and brought him suddenly back to the present. His face took on bewilderment; a pallor color took over his tan. Green eyes tried to focus. He realized he couldn’t move, couldn’t even wipe the sweat that profusely ran down his face. All he could do was watch as the blonde woman picked up the glass that he figured he had dropped.
What the hell had just happened? He could remember the flashes but didn’t understand why they’d come about. The flashes from Nam hadn’t happened since he’d seen Ira Stone and that was many years ago. Ira, the crazy reporter and weasel of a friend had chased greed over a story from that insidious war in Vietnam. The story of what Captain real estate, other wise known as Maynard, had done with the heroin, hidden in dead soldiers to smuggle it back into the USA. Ira had found out, shown Sonny and died because of it and the American dream, greed.
Of course during his bout with Burnett and the amnesia he had had flashes, but those were different and through the shrinks, he had found out why. Was this episode also caused by heavy stress? He didn’t know, just stood there and grasped at whatever he could to pull himself together.
Julie went down the stairs to dispose of the glass. She came back up with two towels and used the first one to wipe up the wine. Placing the towel down she went to stand in front of Sonny, the pale face that was there before had recovered to its natural tan. She gave him the other towel to wipe off the heavy sweat. Her blue sapphire eyes met remorseful jade green ones. Instinctively her hands rubbed both his arms. She heard a heavy sigh and watched his adams apple bob in a hard swallow while he pulled back his one arm and used the towel to clean his face. She stood and waited for him to let the towel drop. Never leaving the lock of his eyes her arms wrapped the vulnerable man in a reassuring hug, his arms attached to her body, afraid for the moment to let go.
Sonny held onto Julie, disgusted with himself, yet needing to hold on to something in order to hold on to sanity. At one time he had been afraid he was going insane, he didn’t want that fear to come back. Just the taste of that fear in the past fifteen minutes or so scared the hell out of him, but that wasn’t the only thing that scared him.
Jesus, how could he be so vulnerable in front of this woman, a woman who he hardly knew? This woman only knew of his strong side, the bravado side. That was the side of Sonny Crockett he allowed people to see. Very few people ever saw this privy side of him, only people like Rico, Caitlin, and Caroline. Yet he needed the hug, that warm body to remind himself of his sanity. Quickly, he collected his thoughts and started to reclaim the strength needed.
Crockett’s eyes blinked, an apologetic look formed in them and over his face, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to zone out like that.” A smile crossed his face and then he released her. “Thanks for cleaning up and for the hug, guess I needed that.” The green eyes shifted away. He felt embarrassed but didn’t show it. He fell into the chair, not only to get away from Julie but also to hide the shakiness of his legs.
“Sonny, what was that? It was like you were somewhere else, a million miles away.” Julie asked from a distance, afraid to invade his personal space.
“Christ.” He ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair, “That hasn’t happened in a long time,” he gave a tired sigh while trying to do what he was good at, pushing his feeling down. He knew Dr. Phillips wouldn’t approve. She had told him he shouldn’t push his feelings aside, he should open up and look at them. But then, that wasn’t Sonny. Sure, he’d gotten better with opening up, a lot better, as far as he was concerned, only right now he just couldn’t keep his vulnerable side out in the open and do an effective job. Sonny thought about the answer he should give Julie and the answer he would give her. He had to be vague, “I wasn’t a million miles away………just in the jungle.” The last part was spoken very soft. The images still fresh in his mind.
“I don’t understand. Jungle? Is this about Rico?” Julie inquired, thinking Jungle meant the mess that was happening with Rico. She didn’t realize that what she thought was partly true and certainly didn’t know about the flashbacks to Nam that Sonny had had.
Sonny waved his hands around, not knowing how to answer the question about the jungle. His hands slapped down on his lap in defeat. Vague, Crockett, you have to stay away from the jungle, what really went through your mind, “A …. Yeah, Rico.” Sonny muttered, keeping things on only the present with Rico. He drew in a breath of humid air. The Jungle air, it felt like the air in Nam, he thought. To appear normal he had to push the feelings down deeper, a task he was used to.
“Then tell me about your partnership, it might make you feel better,” Julie encouraged, “I’ve heard of some partnerships being like a marriage, is that how it is with Tubbs?”
“Something like that. Some have said we were joined at the hip, or talking to one of us was like talking to both of us, still is. A marriage? I reckon a lot of partners are like that and if so, he’s the nag,” Crockett gave a fond smile, “but also the optimist and anchor, though at times I anchored him,” Sonny shared thoughtfully, “just with brief eye contact we’d know what the other was thinkin’, saved our butts many a time. I missed him these past four years. Coming back to Florida, to Miami and then transferring back down here to Vice,” He sighed softly running his hand over his face, “then I returned, I was glad we’d be partners again and then this happened,” Sonny outstretched his arms, resting his palms back on his lap, “Who would’ve thought? Just goes to show you the current can change on a dime.”
Julie thought about what the detective had just said, saw what he must be going through. They had depended on each other for so long, a friendship growing from being partners and a hope to have it all again. Was that what happened when Crockett had zoned out? Like he said, the current can change on a dime, meaning that life can change so quickly, positive situations turning into negative ones, like his marriage with Caitlin Davies. The blonde felt her heart breaking for both men and especially for Sonny. So much hurt and the pain he must have gone through over the years, Caitlin’s dead and other things hadn’t turned back to the positive. The current had changed like a dime, many times in this mans life. She only hoped the current would turn positive in the end, this time. She knew Crockett hadn’t realized he’d given so much away, which Parish had figured out to be the reasons for the ever changing moods she had heard about from the other officers who knew Crockett well.
Crockett’s thoughts skipped back to Rico being held by Fuente. Calm and normal slipped away, again, to exploding anger at the thoughts. Suddenly he shot up from the seat and banged the same hand he hurt before on the console.
“Damn Fuente! He’s in a world of hurt if he touches Rico!” Sonny raged and then held his hand. It hurt worse than when he had banged it in the cabin and hoped the swollen hand wasn’t hurt to badly. He clamped down on the anger and concentrated on his hand. He cursed himself as he moved his fingers gingerly. He felt relieved that it wasn’t broken, just bruised from his stupidity, but hitting something did help release the fury.
Julie had heard of the many moods of Sonny Crockett and the rages that he would have. The detectives that had been there longer had told her of how Crockett would be the only one of them brazen enough to dare yell at the lieutenant and survive. And how he’d often come out of that office and kick a trash can across the squad room. Now she believed them. Parish also had seen the caring part of this man, as well as the vulnerable side the other detectives knew Sonny tried to hide.
Crockett realized Parish was still aboard. How could he be so stupid? He’d let her see so many sides that he’d rather her not have seen. He knew more than before, that he had to say something and gently escort her off the boat. He didn’t want her afraid of him like she originally had been. Great Crockett, probably too late for that one, he pondered. Green eyes met blue ones when he stepped closer.
“Listen, this whole thing with Tubbs has to have my full attention. I’m not proud of what you saw, but I’m tired and the ole brain is in a jumble. I promise I’m not always like this, really,” He tried to reassure the lady in front of him, “I appreciate you thinking of me and stopping by, guess the timing wasn’t so good after all, but the thought was.” Sonny tried to lighten things up with a little charm and a caring smile, “My actions have nothing to do with you.” He pressed the palm of his good hand against her cheek. When she accepted the caress and leaned into it, he knew she had forgiven him.
“It’s alright. It was brazen of me to come out here not invited.” Julie smiled back at Sonny. Her hand caught his when it left her cheek.
“I’d like a rain check, after Rico comes back?” His voice was tender, soothing and it was plain to see he really did want a chance to get to know Julie without the tensions of losing Rico.
“Sounds good.” Julie climbed down the ladder and waited for Sonny to join her on the main deck. She did want to get to know Sonny Crockett as a man, not a cop and not as the boss he would soon be to her. But she knew that what she’d seen was a haunted man filled with guilt she didn’t understand, over the kidnapping of his partner, friend and brother. She had heard of the detective taking on guilt that didn’t belong to him. But what she had read about the Fuente case from several years back, she understood why he would take that guilt on.
He spoke as he put his arm around her waist, guiding her across the deck and then helping her onto the dock “Like I told Tubbs, I’m not a box of candy, but I promise we’ll go out. I just can’t think of anything right now, only getting Rico back. I hope you can understand that.” He wanted her to understand and give him another chance after all this was over, but he wasn’t sure she would. Crockett only knew he needed her to leave.
Julie nodded while she listened. Sure she could understand and wished once again she hadn’t imposed on this man. “I understand and I look forward to the rain check.”
Sonny’s brow rose, “You weren’t brazen, well maybe, to come into the lion’s den the way you did,” He chuckled half heartedly, “I ain’t like this all the time, not even a lot of the time, I swear. Thanks for stopping by and I’ll see you at the station tomorrow, ok?” He’d hoped that the situation had been salvaged as he looked up at the young woman.
“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning and I hope with this rain check I see some of that Southern gentleman charm.”
“Oh that I have plenty of, I AM, a Southern gentleman,” A reassuring smile covered his face.
“I’m holding you to that, Crockett.” Julie tossed over her shoulder along with her long silky blonde hair. All that was left was the sound of her sandals clomping on the wooden dock.
“Alright, Parish.” Sonny’s voice rose in an answer. Then the Southerner watched the beautiful debutant cop head down the dock and get into her car. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, a breath of relief, when the car drove away.
Gina had gone back to her empty apartment. Only there for a few minutes she knew she didn’t want to be alone and knew she needed to be with Gordon. A drive would clear her mind and being held by the man she loved, Gina hoped it would take the thoughts of Sonny away, putting them where they belonged.
She pulled onto the road, the top down, blowing her hair wildly as her mind raced like the engine of the car. The thoughts kept invading. Her mind partly on the road, the other part watching the past clearly fly by, of the man she had also loved but couldn’t offer her what she needed, James “Sonny” Crockett. He was walking into a death trap, the fear coursed through her veins and she remembered the fierce eyes turning soft when he looked at her as he mapped out his plan in the briefing. She knew it was his way of trying to make the brunette along with the others not worry about what he already knew could happen.
Fear brought the memories bouncing back. The first memory made her warm as she remembered feeling safe in Sonny’s arms when they used to lie on the bench seat of the St. Vitus. The next jumped to sleeping, snuggled up to this man. She remembered the many times she’d wake first and enjoyed watching him with the peace that only held his face in sleep. Memories of parties they’d had with friends and sleeping in his favorite football jersey fled by. She also remembered the times he’d been there for her even after they had broken up. How after she’d been raped by a pimp when her cover was blown. She’d shot this horrible man and Sonny’s eyes locked to hers before being drawn into his arms for comfort. Next to flash by was him being there for her when she dated Sean Caroon and how he’d stuck up for her until they found out that Sean was indeed still a terrorist. He had waited until everyone had left the briefing, came to her, wanting to make sure she was alright and genuinely sorry that it hadn’t worked out. Later she had held a gun on Sean, not knowing the terrorist was about to pull his own out and kill her. Luckily, Sonny had snuck up and saw the Irishman’s hand move to the gun. He realized what this man was going to do and shot Sean, saving Gina from both, having to kill Caroon and being shot. When the man had died and fallen to the tamarac, she had ran to the wall of the roof, flanked by Rico on one side and Sonny on the other. They both stood there supporting their follow officer and friend. Naturally, Gina had turned to the safety of Sonny’s arms and cried as he held her and whispered softly into her ear. She remembered how he took her home and as it happened every now and then, they made love. Even broken up they would still be there for one another, a safe harbor for both. After that night she knew she’d be alright.
Gina’s thoughts whirled to the jealousy she felt for the man she had wanted to love her and someday marry her. She could clearly recall Brenda, Theresa and other unnamed women he had been with, it hurt her. Thinking about it now, brought reminisce of just how much. At first she knew he didn’t realize what he was doing to her, until Rico had spoken to his partner. Then Sonny showed more sensitivity towards her. Rico had always been good to Gina, albeit he always stood by his partner, trying not to get in the middle. Rico, the partner Sonny loved so much he was willing to take the chance of rescuing him, even if that meant he’d die in the process. The detective shook at comprehending this fact.
Her memories continued. They again brought to mind, how back then, they occasionally still slept together. Feeling compassion in the job that few understood, they’d placate one another when in need. And she knew she wasn’t the only one soothed by his caring. Trudy had told her partner but never got into detail. All Trudy had told her partner was that she needed someone and Sonny had stayed behind and waited for her. He had been a bit high from the coke thrown in his face by Adonis. The high didn’t last to long and the comfort was there for her. The good looking blond had slept with her. Trudy had admitted to her neediness and not wanting to be alone. Gina had been jealous but knew that losing David at the expensive of her job, she had needed someone, that someone was Sonny. That person had always been Sonny. He would hone in with sincere empathy and it wasn’t to get laid, that played no part in the sex that occasionally happened between Sonny and Trudy, or Sonny and her. This was to comfort, to ease the pain. How could she blame any of them for that? After all she and her partner did the same thing for Sonny.
What had finally broken the pattern and had shown the Hispanic detective that sleeping together, with her and rarely with Trudy would end, was his marriage to Caitlin Davies. He cared enough to pull her aside and explain about the marriage. She wanted to hate this Caitlin but found the Scottish singer to be likeable and feisty, a challenge to Sonny. She showed Crockett that they were still friends by choosing the honeymoon that everyone had chipped in for. Over the years, things that had happened let her know he did feel more for her than others co-workers, except, maybe Rico, but he was Sonny’s partner. There was a special place in his heart for her, like she had for him.
The thoughts flew by like the drive. She found herself at Gordon’s and smiled at the thought that she had finally met the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He was everything she had wanted and more. Yet in the back of her mind she didn’t like or understand why Sonny being around again was pushing feelings out that she thought were forever in a special place. She wondered if it was seeing him again after four years. And also wondered if it was the fear of what he was about to do that unlocked that door to this place in her heart. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Hopefully, being with Gordon and telling him her fears about this case would help with filing these feelings away. Thank God, Gordon wasn’t jealous of Crockett. He liked and respected the man, even worked with Crockett a few times. She’d been honest with Gordon, in every way, including about Sonny. She knew they’d make love after they spoke and would fall asleep in safe bliss. Sliding out of her car, hoping that after tonight everything would be put back in the place they belonged, she went up to the door, unlocked it and went inside.
A hand ran across the sheets on the empty side of the bed. Brown eyes slowly opened at the feel of the cold vacant spot. Light slid through the blinds letting her know it was morning. She blinked, almost wanting to go back to sleep, but not alone and now with the clock blaring 6:30 a.m. it was impossible. The pretty brunette rose and slipped into a satin robe before padding out of the bedroom and around the house in search of her missing companion.
Gina had been staying at Gordon’s more and more over the two years they’d been together. Her clothes and personal items slowly moving from her apartment to his house and an extra key was added to her key ring. Now that they were engaged she stayed at the lawyer’s home at least five times a week, only using her apartment a couple of days when on long assignments or very late nights. He wanted her to move in permanently since they were marrying in less than three months and would be living there anyway. She happily told him when her lease was up next month she’d move in. Staying at the apartment twice a week gave her justification for why she still paid the rent and bills there.
Wandering around the house she finally found Gordon tucked away in his office. The brunette stood in the doorway watching her fiancé. He was showered, dressed and looking over a file as he sat in the big leather chair behind his desk. Gina wandered in coming to stand in back of the chair and startled the lawyer when her arms slid around him.
“You’re up early. I reached for you and the bed was empty.” Gina kissed his cheek.
“I have to be in court early. I told you, this case is important, so I decided to review the file, again.” Gordon answered while he closed that file.
“Well can’t have you going to court on an empty stomach. Come on and I’ll make some breakfast.” She took her arms from around him, walked to the doorway and looked over her shoulder to see if he was following her. He didn’t seem right. Maybe this case had him nervous.
Gordon poured two mugs of coffee from a pot that he had made earlier. He also took two glasses down filling them with orange juice. The lawyer watched the woman he loved pop bread in the toaster and then go back to scrambling some eggs. He’d have to speak to her about last night. She had fallen right to sleep after making love. He could only toss and turn, barely getting any sleep until he finally got up and hit the shower.
Gina buttered the toast and then slid the eggs onto two plates. She laid them down on the table before taking a seat and a sip of her coffee.
“You always make my coffee the way I love it.” She smiled with appreciation.
Gordon took a bite of his toast and then sipped his coffee. “I only want to make you happy.” Softly came from his lips.
The detective looked up with a smile, “You do make me happy, happier than I ever thought I’d be.” The cop in her noticed his somber look, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Gordon sighed, it was time. “I want to make you happy. Only last night you were so afraid and I wanted to be there for you. I know you felt better after we talked, and that you were totally there with me,” This was harder than he thought it would be. He didn’t think of him self as a jealous man, but after last night he had to make sure, he had to tell her. They’d both had to be sure of their future together. He gazed at the beautiful woman before him. Even without make-up and hair mussed up, she was beautiful, “Gina, I love you, but last night when we made love,” He paused for a moment to get his thoughts together, “when we ……. When we peaked and just a few moments before, you started calling me……..Sonny.”
Shock over took Gina’s face. How could she have done that? She loved this man, yet hurt him by calling her ex-lovers name. “Oh God.” A trembling hand reached her mouth, “Gordon, I’m so sorry. I know it’s this case but still I never meant to hurt you, I love you. You have to believe me.” Desperate eyes tried not to let the tears that shone in them fall.
“I know you love me, but you loved Sonny once and it took a long time to get over him. Now, something is going on, maybe what you told me last night, maybe not. Still, I think you need to spend time at your place. Finish this case, think about things and when you figure it all out I’ll be here. We can’t start a marriage with Crockett in between us. I know you didn’t do it purposely. I just need you to figure out where he belongs. Maybe after this case you can do that. You know I like Sonny, but I love you and I’m not going to share you with a memory of a relationship that was years ago. I know the fear is setting some of it off but you are the only one that can find out the answers to all the questions. If not, you may need to talk to Sonny. I need you to be sure about us and I think some time away is needed. You know you can call me, but you have to do this part without me.” Gordon stood up, his hand rested on her shoulder. It saddened him to see the tears running down her face as she looked up at him.
Gina sniffled. God, she did remember, but had thought it was a dream. She was making love to Gordon and then he had suddenly turned into Sonny. She felt her face heat with shame at the sudden clarity of recollection. Gina had actually seen, made love and called out Sonny’s name. How that must have hurt Gordon. He was right, she had to settle this in her mind and it had to be away from him, on her own.
“You’re right, I need to figure this all out so I can get on with life,” She stood, kissed his cheek and whispered, “I love you, don’t forget that.” Without waiting Gina left the kitchen to shower, get ready for work and pack up some things before she left to go to OCB.
Gordon stood and watched the woman he loved leave the kitchen. He cleaned up, grabbed his keys and went into his study. He locked the file in his brief case and then left for his law office and a day in court.
TBC